Disclaimers: None. I’m not
disclaiming the need for an open mind.
If you’re still reading my stuff at this point, you pretty well know
what you’re getting into.
Author’s Notes: This is just because I wanted to write a story I
could put THE END on before starting the next novel length story.
J Sometimes, I just want to say I finished
something and those are few and far between when writing the long stuff. The Storyteller’s Cardinal Rule is in effect.
Three Choices...
...
but only one chance.
The
room was bathed in white light and deathly silent. The floor was covered in fog, but it had no
substance – neither cold and wet nor warm and dry. It was just there, covering everything to a
height of about two feet. A tremulous
touch on her forehead brought blue eyes open rapidly, only to slam shut
immediately against the glare they encountered.
“C’mon,
baby. Open your eyes for mama.”
The
words made Sarabeth screw up her face tighter, afraid to look. Her mother had been dead for fifteen years,
so that could only mean....
“Mama?”
blue eyes popping wide open and staring at the woman whose touch she had missed
so much for so long. She lifted a
shaking hand to the other woman’s face.
“Mama? Is it really you? Am I dead?”
She realized her mother looked exactly as she had as she had last seen
her... just before she had been killed by a drunk driver. The other woman allowed the feather light
touch to go on for a while, knowing her daughter needed the contact and
reassurance. Finally, though, she
clasped her daughter’s hand in her own and brought it to her lips for a
kiss. Sarabeth smiled shakily at her
mother’s visage. “It really is you,
isn’t it?”
“Yes,
baby girl. It really is me, and no...
you’re not dead.”
“Then
where...? How? Why?”
The dark head shook, trying to clear the jumbled thoughts rolling
through it. “Mama, what’s going on?”
“You’ve
reached a crossroads in your life, baby girl, and I’ve been given the
opportunity to show you the optional outcomes you face, depending on the choice
you make.”
“Why,
Mama? Why do you get to help me
now?” It wasn’t an accusation as much it
was confusion. Her mother had been gone
for so long, missed sharing so much. For
years, she had prayed for her mother’s guidance, and to suddenly have it, even
in this odd dream....
Mama
brushed the dark hair off Sarabeth’s forehead and smiled sadly, her own blue
eyes filling with tears. “What happened
to me was truly an accident – I wasn’t supposed to die when I did. Because of that, The Powers That Be decided
that I would get to help you when it was most important to you. Your happiness - your future and the future
of so many others – depends on what you decide here.”
“So
I’ll get to remember this?”
“I
don’t know, baby girl. I mean – I’d like
to think so, but then again, this is The Powers That Be. Who knows what rules they operate
under?” Mama smiled and watched an
echoing expression form on her daughter’s face.
“Walk with me?” she invited.
They
both rose from the platform and started walking through the mist, watching it a
moment as it swirled around their feet. Sarabeth
decided to wait and let Mama set the pace; she felt more than a little out of
sorts with the whole situation. She just
hoped she’d be able to remember any part of this when she woke up... especially
if she got to remember time spent with her mother.
“I
need to tell you something, Sarabeth.”
Mama reached across and took both Sarabeth’s hands in hers,
inadvertently pulling them to a halt.
“And I think it’s important that you know and understand what I am going
to say.”
“All
right, Mama.”
“You’ve
grown up into a brilliant, beautiful woman, Sarabeth, and every single day I am
proud of you and what you’ve accomplished.
I’d like to take some credit, but the truth is – you’ve done it all on
your own. And for that I am the proudest
of you. Yours has never been an easy
destiny, but you surpassed everyone’s expectations... except your own. Be proud of yourself, Sarabeth. Everyone else is.”
“I
am, Mama,” trying to blink the tears back.
She wasn’t entirely successful and Mama gently wiped them away as they
trickled down Sarabeth’s cheek. “There
just always seems to be one more goal... one more thing I need to
accomplish. Maybe then I can find peace
or happiness or whatever it is that is missing from my life.”
“But
it’s never enough, is it? It never quite
brings the fulfillment you want it to, does it?” Sarabeth shook her head and bit her lip,
refusing to allow more tears to fall. “I
think that might be why I am here, baby girl.
That is what your crossroads is about, because if you find that
fulfillment you’ve been searching for, you should find happiness.”
Sarabeth
nodded. That sounded so wonderful. It seemed like it had been a lifetime or two
since she’d really been happy. Mama
nodded as well and they resumed walking through the mist in silence. It could have been minutes – it could have
been much longer. But after a time, the
mist cleared and they were in a green meadow with blue sky above them and a
tree for shade. Mama led them over to it
and took a seat, motioning for Sarabeth to do the same.
The
silence went on so long Sarabeth wondered if she should say something...
anything... to break it. She opened her
mouth to say something when Mama took a deep breath and turned to gaze into her
blue eyes before speaking.
“Baby
girl, tell me about Teagan.”
“Teagan? She’s my best friend.”
Mama
waited, then sighed when nothing more was forthcoming. “
“Oh,
um.... Well, we met when she was
assigned to the project I am currently working on. We’d never run into one another before then,
the company being a big as it is, but we kinda hit it off immediately. We found out we had a lot of common interests
and we had a lot of fun together. We
sorta fell into friendship, but we cultivated it until we became best
friends.” She paused and smiled
shyly. “She calls me Bethy, too. She’s the only one who does.”
“Is
she? Did you tell her about it... about
it being a special name between us?”
“Nope. When she heard all the guys calling me Beau,
she decided she needed something different.
So she asked me my full name and as soon as I told her, she decided on
Bethy.” She shrugged sheepishly. “I couldn’t tell her no.”
Mama
smiled. “Did you want to?”
“Not
really. It made me feel special, and I
liked hearing it again.”
Mama
nodded as though she had expected that answer.
“So how do you feel about Teagan?” she asked after another period of
silence. “Really.”
“She’s
my best friend,” like that explained everything.
Mama
sighed. Either Sarabeth was being
deliberately obtuse or she really was that clueless. God knew she was an incredibly intelligent
woman; Mama suspected it was cluelessness.
She tended to get so focused on her work that she missed everything
going on in the world around her – or in this case, in her own heart and mind.
“Is
that all?”
Sarabeth
blinked and her blue eyes widened in confusion.
“Isn’t that enough?”
Mama
shook her head. “Is it, Bethy?” A pause.
“Let me show you what your future could be like if that is enough....
************
Sarabeth
was alone in her house; she sat at her computers, but her mind obviously wasn’t
on whatever was in front of her. She
looked around and sighed before trying to refocus on the screens around
her. This went on for a few minutes
until finally she gave up in frustration, slamming her fists onto the table and
pushing away from the desk.
Sarabeth
walked over to the mantle and gazed at the row of pictures along its top. A couple of them were of her family when her
mother was still alive, another of her nieces and nephew; one of the company
softball team she had played on and another of her lab guys after a
particularly successful project experiment.
The rest, another four or five, were of her and Teagan and one
particularly nice shot of Teagan alone.
Sarabeth
wandered around the house aimlessly.
Other than the pictures, there were few personal effects. She went back to the computers and sat down
for a while, then got up again. Sat down,
got up; sat down, got up until the Sarabeth watching turned to her mother with
confusion in her eyes.
************
“Is
there a point to this? I mean obviously
something has happened, but I am not getting it.”
“Keep
watching; you will.”
************
Eventually,
the sun went down and Sarabeth went into the kitchen to start dinner. She was about halfway done with her prep work
when the door opened and a man Sarabeth barely tolerated now walked in the door
like he owned the place. She accepted
his kiss reluctantly, turning her face to ensure it landed on her cheek, but he
was bright enough not to push it. He
knew why he was part of Sarabeth’s life now – he was stable and dependable and the
last connection Sarabeth had left from her previous life. He just hoped his patience with her would eventually
pay off for him. He was well aware that
she still barely tolerated his presence.
“How
was your day, hon?” Sarabeth shrugged
and turned back to her preparations.
With any luck, he would leave her alone and do whatever it was he did
here that didn’t involve her. “Can I
help in any way?” This time she
sighed. She should have known it
wouldn’t be that easy; then she sighed again.
It wasn’t his fault she hated her life now. She wondered again how it had come to this,
and how she had ended up with him, regardless of what had happened.
“No,
Turk... thanks. Why don’t you go... do
whatever? Dinner’ll be ready in about
half an hour.”
He
wanted to stay with her – she could see it.
So she deliberately turned her back to him and kept chopping. He gazed at her sadly, then grabbed a beer
from the fridge and walked out of the kitchen.
He didn’t have very high hopes for the rest of the evening to get any better.
************
“Okay...
stop!” Sarabeth commanded. “What the
HELL just happened here?? What happened
to my job... my friends... my LIFE???
And why is *he* at MY house acting like he BELONGED there??”
“
“Yes,
Mama.”
“I
can’t answer your questions yet, Bethy, but I need you to answer mine. How do you feel about Teagan?” Mama asked
Sarabeth again. “How do you really
feel?”
“She’s
my best friend, Mama; I love her.”
Mama
sighed again. Sarabeth was going to
drive her to drink at this rate. Was she
really that clueless?? Surely with all
the brilliance she possessed, Sarabeth could understand what was in her own
heart and mind.
“Is
that all? Just a best friend for whom you
care very much?”
Sarabeth
blinked and her blue eyes widened in confusion again. “Isn’t that enough?”
Mama
shook her head once more. “Is it,
Bethy?” A pause. “Let me show you what your future could be
like if that is enough....
************
The
sky was gray and overcast, heavy with the possibility of rain and even an early
snow, but Sarabeth didn’t notice. Her
expression was completely blank... except for her eyes. The pain they held was too deep to fathom and
closing them only seemed to hold it in.
She hadn’t slept in three days, and now it was time to go lay her friend
to rest.
She
put the finishing touches on her black suit, then walked downstairs to the
living room where the rest of her lab team waited. They had decided to go as a group – they did
everything else together - and Sarabeth was going to need their support to say
goodbye to Teagan, whether she asked for it or not.
The
ride to the graveyard was silent and Sarabeth sat ramrod straight,
concentrating on breathing. She could do
this – she had too. She owed Teagan this
much. She could go home and collapse
after it was all over; it wouldn’t matter then.
But she had to get through the funeral first.
The
car stopped, and one of the guys helped her out, then they surrounded her like
a shield and made their way to Teagan’s burial site. The service was lovely, as far as funeral
services went and Sarabeth spoke her piece without a hint of the heartbreak and
guilt she felt seeping through. As soon
as it was over, she headed back to the car, unwilling to accept platitude and
condolences from people she didn’t want to mingle with in the first place. It didn’t take her guys long to follow her.
“Drop
me at home first,” she commanded wearily.
The guys exchanged worried glances before turning back to her.
“You’re
not coming to the wake, Beau?”
The
look Sarabeth gave the man stupid enough to voice the question could have
melted steel. But her anger disappeared
as quickly as it came and she forced her attention out the window. It kept her from seeing the pity in their
eyes and it didn’t involve closing her own.
“
“All
right, Beau. We’ll take you home... but
don’t you dare do anything stupid.” He
lowered his voice to a whisper. “We’ve
lost enough, Beau. Please don’t take
anything else away.”
“I
just want to be left alone,
Reluctantly,
they dropped Sarabeth at home. She
entered her silent house and found the quiet grated along already raw nerves. She let her anger build, needing some sort of
release for the guilt and sense of loss she felt. Sarabeth tore through her house like a
whirlwind, knocking things off shelves and overturning furniture.
When
the entire living room looked like a disaster area, Sarabeth stood at the
threshold, chest heaving and tears running down her face. She screamed in sheer frustration, then
dragged herself upstairs, dropping clothes haphazardly along the way until she
was naked. Then she fell into bed and
wrapped herself around her pillow, closing her eyes and hoping this time, the
nightmares wouldn’t come.
************
”Stop, Mama... please,” Sarabeth pleaded, wrapping her arms around herself in
defense. She felt cold and even stepping
out from under the tree and out into the sunshine didn’t help warm her up. “God, that hurts - what happened??? How did
Teagan die?? And why was it my fault?? Where is the happiness you promised me? And are these the only options I've got? ‘Cause I’m not liking what I’m seeing.”
At least she was finally starting to
think with more than her head, Mama
thought. “I still can’t answer your
questions, Bethy. Not yet. I promise I will soon, but I need you to
answer mine first. How do you feel about
Teagan?” Mama asked Sarabeth again. “How
do you really feel?”
“She’s
my best friend, Mama; I love her.”
“How
do you love her, Bethy?”
“With
my whole heart.”
Progress, but not enough. “But how? As
a friend? A sister? A confidante?
What does Teagan mean to you, Bethy?”
Sarabeth scowled and turned her back, but she didn’t answer. Mama rose and walked to where Sarabeth stood. She put an arm around Sarabeth’s shoulders,
thrilled when the younger woman relaxed into her embrace instead of pushing her
away. “Baby girl, I’m not going to pass
judgment on you; you’re the only one who can do that. But there’s nothing wrong with loving
someone.”
More
silence and Mama sighed. She had to
wonder briefly if Sarabeth would have been more forthcoming if she hadn’t been
dead during most of Sarabeth’s teenage and young adult years. “Bethy, the next few weeks are critical for
you – personally and professionally.
What happens in your personal life will have a direct effect on your
work, and your work will determine so much for so many. Don’t ask,” Mama added, holding up her
hand. “That’s all I can say about
that. Come sit down and let me tell you
what brought about those two realities instead.
You need to understand.”
“You
ended up with Turk because you and Teagan remained silent about your real
feelings for one another. Somewhere
along the line both of you decided that it was better... safer... for you to
just stay friends and it caused you to lose one another as surely as if one of
you had died.”
“Why? What happened to Teagan, my friends, my
job? And why Turk? I’m not even fond of Turk!”
“Let’s
just say that doing nothing cost everybody a lot – especially you.”
“What
about when Teagan died, Mama? I could
feel the emotions coming from myself when we watched that. It was my fault that Teagan was dead.”
“In
that reality, Teagan came to you and confessed that she loved you – that she
was *in* love with you. But you couldn’t
accept that... not from her. It made
things awkward and you started working opposite shifts to avoid one another. She was alone in the lab when it blew up. You never got over it.”
Sarabeth’s
breathing was harsh and Mama just held onto her while she shook. When Sarabeth had calmed sufficiently, Mama
kissed her temple. “Tell me more about
Teagan,” she whispered. “What do you see
when you look at her?”
“My
best friend.” Sarabeth paused and Mama
didn’t interrupt this time, knowing Sarabeth was finally ready and would
continue if she was patient. “She’s
beautiful, Mama,” Sarabeth finally said softly, a knowing smile on her
face. “She’s got the prettiest green
eyes and long golden hair and the most enchanting smile. She’s funny and bright and she thinks I’m
funny too,” the last added almost shyly.
“At least she laughs at my jokes.”
“What
else?”
“She’s
the life of the party. She’s so
different from me, Mama. She is kind and
caring and... and strong and stubborn and as ornery as the day is long. Once she gets an idea....”
“Sounds
a lot like you, actually, Bethy. How
does Teagan make you feel, baby girl?”
“Sorta
like you do, Mama... warm and cared-for and... and loved.”
Mama
smiled. “Would you like to see the third
reality choice?” A nod was her only
answer, but it was enough.
***********
Teagan
sat in a wheelchair, but even the physical pain she felt couldn’t take away the
joy that bubbled up inside her as Sarabeth approached her, hands hidden behind
her back. “I love you, Bethy... so
much,” kissing the scarred side of Sarabeth’s face.
“I
love you, too, Teag. How ya doing
today?”
“I’m
always good when you’re here, baby, but I am in a little bit of pain,” having
learned the hard way to be completely honest about how she was feeling. “Too much time at the computer on top of a
really hard PT session today has made me achy.”
“I’ve
told you to take it easy, love. You’ll get there – we’ll work on it together, I
promise. In the meantime, I’ve got
something for you that might help.”
“Chocolate,
champagne and hot monkey sex?”
Sarabeth
eyebrows rose into her hairline. “Well,
we can work on that as well after a nice long soak in the Jacuzzi. But first I want to show you what the lab
boys and I cooked up for you. Now, these
are prototypes, and we’ll have to measure them to fit you, but it will help
speed your recovery.”
“Bethy,
you didn’t have to do this. You have so
many other important projects to work on.
You shouldn’t be wasting time....”
“I’m
not wasting my time, Teag. Nothing I do
for you wastes my time. Especially since
it’s my fault....”
“No,
Bethy. What happened to us is either no
one’s fault... or it’s both of ours. You
can’t have it both ways. Besides,”
Teagan added, cupping the scarred cheek and running her thumb over the damaged
skin, “I would do it all again knowing everything I know now, if it meant it
was the only way we could be together. I
love you, Bethy – I have for a very long time; the accident didn’t change that.”
“You’re
my reason, sweetheart... even when I was too dumb to know it.”
Teagan
grinned. “Well, you know it now, and I’m
expecting hot monkey sex tonight,” waggling her eyebrows. “But first, how about that Jacuzzi and then
we can talk about those implants over dinner?
We’re having your favorite.”
Before
Teagan could protest, Sarabeth scooped her into strong arms and with much
laughter and kissing, they went out to the kitchen.
************
“What
happened, Mama? We look so happy
together, and yet....”
“You
are happy together, baby girl, and the accident only drew you closer to one
another – once both of you worked out your guilt issues over what happened to
each other. But you worked things out
together – that was the main thing. As
to what happened to get you to that place, well, Teagan came to you and told
you she was leaving the company. You
wanted to know why and when she told you she had fallen in love, it devastated
you – until you found out it was you she was in love with.”
“So
why is Teagan in a wheelchair? Why do I
feel guilt for that, Mama?”
“For
the same reason she feels guilt for what happened to your face. There was an accident in the lab. Teagan was closest to the blast and it
crippled her; you were burned on your face, hands and arms when you fought to
get her out.”
Sarabeth
nodded as though the explanation made perfect sense to her, incomplete as it
was. She was quiet and Mama was content
to let her be for the moment, allowing Sarabeth to think through everything she
had just seen and learned. Finally,
however, Mama spoke.
“Baby
girl, how do you feel about Teagan? In
your heart... in your mind - how do you really feel?”
“She
is my best friend, Mama, and I love her.”
Sarabeth turned to face her mother, confidence shining out of her bright
blue eyes. “I love her with my whole
heart – as a friend, as a sister, as a confidante and if she’ll have me, as a
lover.” She blinked, then looked at Mama
with something akin to a revelation apparent in her eyes.
“What
is it, Bethy?”
“Mama,
those realities – are they the only ones The Powers That Be showed you? Are they the only options they offered?”
“Yes,
baby girl, they were. Why?”
Sarabeth
smiled. “Because I know of an option
number four, and I think I’m going to go with that choice.”
“Bethy?”
“I’m
not waiting for Teagan to come to me, Mama.
I’m going to make the first move.
I promise. She deserves that much
courage from me.”
“That’s
my girl, Bethy. I knew you’d come
through for yourself.” Mama started to
fade out as the fog swirled in and Sarabeth found herself back on the platform
she had awakened on. “Remember I’m
watching over you, baby girl, and I couldn’t be prouder of you. Now go get your girl. I love you,” fading out on the last word.
Sarabeth
tried to answer, but her eyes were too heavy and she fell back into a deep
sleep, hoping she would remember what she had learned... and how wonderful it
had felt to be held in her mother’s arms one more time.
When
she opened her eyes, Sarabeth recognized her bedroom, and she blinked awake
slowly as she tried to reorient herself.
She wondered how long she had been asleep as much of what she remembered
quickly slipped into the unreality of the dreamscape. Sarabeth smiled, remembering the promise she
had made and feeling the ghostly embrace of her mother’s arms around her once
more. She knew it was more than likely
her subconscious way of coming to terms with her true feelings for Teagan, but
it had seemed so real and she took comfort in the fact that somewhere, Mama
approved.
Sarabeth
took a deep breath, then picked up the phone and hit number one on the speed
dial. Her legs twitched nervously up and
down in the three seconds it took for the phone to connect and ring one and a
half time before a breathless, groggy Teagan answered.
“Yeah?”
“Teag,
it’s me.”
“Bethy?
It’s
“Nothing’s
wrong, Teag. I mean... I just... I need
to talk to you. Can I come over?”
Sarabeth
could practically hear Teagan trying to blink away her confusion. “Now?
I mean sure, hon. C’mon
over. I’ll put the coffee on.”
“Thanks,
Teag. I’ll be there in fifteen minutes.”
“Drive
safely, babe. I’m not going anywhere.”
They
hung up the phone and Sarabeth dressed faster than she ever had in her
life. Just before she stepped out the
door, she looked up at the ceiling.
“Wish me luck, Mama. I’m going to
go lay claim to the happiness I want in my life like I promised you I would. Thank you for showing me the way.”
She
could have sworn she felt Mama kiss her forehead just before she crossed the
threshold and walked boldly out into the night and towards her future.
THE
END
02/07