Disclaimer: The characters in the story belong to NBC Television, Dick Wolf and whoever else has a vested interest in Law & Order: Special Victims Unit. No money is being made from this and no copyright infringement is intended.

Author’s Notes: Just a little Christmas tale for Alex and Olivia. This story (like the show itself) supposes that Alex came back from the WPP and settled into her new life as a Bureau Chief without ever contacting her old squad at the one-six, nor have the detectives made any effort to contact her.

I have no knowledge of Conviction except what I have read, and given what I have read, that is probably just as well. Also, my knowledge of SVU is limited to a single viewing of parts of the Alex/Olivia years, plus, of course, “Ghost”. The rest comes from reading so any detail mistakes or canon errors are definitely mine. They were just intriguing enough characters to catch my attention and they were the loudest in asking for a Christmas story of sorts.

The Storyteller’s Cardinal Rule is in effect.

Merry Little Christmas

By D

“God, it’s cold out here. Thanks, El,” Liv commented as she accepted the cup of coffee he offered her. She blew into the cup, relishing the steam that wafted up and warmed her face momentarily. “I wish this guy would move before I freeze to this seat.”

Elliot smiled and closed the door. “Why do you think I volunteered for the coffee run this time?”

“I figured you needed to pee,” Olivia smirked.

“Yeah... that too.” It was quiet for a while as they sipped and watched. Finally, Elliot cleared his throat. “So what are you doing for the holidays?”

Olivia cut her eyes in his direction briefly before refocusing her gaze out the window. “El, why do you even bother asking anymore? What have I done every Christmas for the last eight years we have been partners... and for every Christmas before that since I became a cop??” A beat. “What about you? You gonna get to spend the day with your kids?”

Stabler couldn’t stop the tiny grin that crossed his face. “Better... with the family.” Olivia’s smile at that pronouncement lit up the day and made it feel like summer, just for a minute. Then she punched him in the arm and he scowled at her. “Ow! What the hell was that for??”

“Why didn’t you say something sooner? Elliot, that’s the best news I’ve heard in ages!”

He chuckled and rubbed his arm, then took another swallow of coffee. “Kathy called me out of the blue last week and asked if we could spend Christmas together... all of us as a family. I don’t know what brought about her change of heart, but I’m going to take it.”

“So why didn’t you tell me?”

Elliot shrugged and looked back out the windshield. Silence fell over the two of them, a little awkward for what was left unspoken. They hadn’t re-established the closeness they had shared before Olivia had requested a different partner and subsequently gone undercover. There were still a couple huge white elephants between them they had yet to discuss – one being Elliot’s relationship with Detective Dani Beck and the other, Alex’s sudden and silent, towards them at any rate, reappearance on the New York legal scene.

Olivia cleared her throat. “Well, I hope things work out for you, El. Give Kathy my love and my sincere thanks for giving a bonehead like you a second chance. Don’t screw this up.”

“Ya know, I oughta just....” He broke off when he realized how right she was and how close he still was to losing his family. “You’re right. I’ll make sure to give her your regards, though you could come do it in person.”

Liv shook her head. “Not this time... not until you work things out between you. Maybe once your family is whole and settled again, but not now.”

Another silence while they both stared out the window. Stabler cleared his throat, but before he could speak, Olivia dropped her coffee cup and yanked her door open. “Police! Freeze!” Instead, the man shot at her and ran. “Shit!” Olivia cursed and ran after him; Elliot punched the accelerator and cut him off just as Liv jumped him from behind and they tumbled to the ground. They thudded against the hood of the car and Olivia slammed the perp one more time with her elbow before jerking his arm up between his shoulder blades.

“You have the right to remain silent,” she ground from between clenched teeth. “I’d suggest you exercise that right,” snapping the cuffs on tightly. She jerked him to his feet and shoved him towards Elliot. “Read him his rights.” Then she walked around to the passenger side of the car and climbed in, closing her eyes and trying not to wince at the pain she felt.

“Hey, Liv... you okay?” Elliot had turned their suspect over to a black-and-white for transport and had gotten into the sedan and started it without a hint of movement from his partner. “Dammit!” grabbing his radio and hitting the siren and the gas simultaneously. “Dispatch, this is Detective Stabler of the one-six. Tell Captain Cragen I’m en route to Mercy. Detective Benson’s been shot!”

Whatever response dispatch made was lost in a squeal of tires and the wail of the siren.

************

“Elliot, I’m fine, really,” Olivia protested sometime later. “It was just a scratch.”

“Yeah, a scratch and a couple badly bruised ribs from slamming into the car so hard. And the shiner... it’s gonna be a real beaut by the time everything is said and done. C’mon, Liv. Take the time; you know the captain will put you on desk duty if you show up at the precinct.”

She slid to the ground gingerly, straightening slowly. “I’ll take the desk,” blowing out a breath. “Did you get me a clean shirt or do I have to wear this until we get back to the station?” She held up the shirt that was now bloodstained on one side. “I’m just glad he missed my jacket. I would have had to have killed him for that.”

Stabler chuckled and Olivia just grinned at him wryly. He shook his head and handed her the scrub shirt he’d convinced one of the nurses to give him. It wasn’t nearly warm enough, but at least it wasn’t wet and would do to get Olivia back to the precinct. She had warmer clothes there she could change into. Of course, then *she* could explain to Cragen while she was there instead of in the hospital or at home like the doctor ordered.

************

Alex stood at the window of her office looking out at the vista she had fought so hard to come home to, but seeing nothing but the turmoil of her own thoughts. Nothing was the way it was supposed to be; nothing was like she had imagined it.

She had expected to return home a conquering heroine – after all, she had managed to outlive Velez and his minions and return to the life she had known before he had stolen it. What she came back to was new and unpleasant. The one-six was no longer *her* squad; the detectives there were no long *hers* and she couldn’t bring herself to break through the wall that had grown between them while she was gone. The world she had settled into was shallow and, though she was thrilled to be a lawyer again, Alex felt like what she was doing was meaningless babysitting.

How had she fallen into... this? And why had she let go of what she had known before. Then her lips twisted bitterly. Of course, it wasn’t like those same detectives had made any effort towards renewing their friendship with her either. Alex gasped a little at the rush of pain that thought caused. She had always thought... always hoped....

She shook her head. That was the past, and no matter how hard she wished, things would never be the way they had been. Instead, she had hurt a good friend by accepting his proposal of marriage and then betraying her promise before he could even get a ring on her finger. And even worse, he’d been almost understanding about things when she broke it off with him. Poor Robert... she felt bad about what she had done; she had genuinely cared for him.

Jim, on the other hand, deserved the bloody nose she’d given him when he came onto her the second time. Damn shame she hadn’t had the presence of mind to do that to him the first time, but he had been an escape from what she felt were the walls of her life collapsing in on her again. However, if she had only said no to Steele, she and Robert would have been married by now. And though she doubted they would have been deliriously happy together, they would have been content.

Content – how sad that after all she’d been through she would settle for contentment instead of fighting for happiness. Her life had become a soap opera, and a bad one at that.

A throat cleared behind her and Alex turned to meet the eyes of her assistant. She raised an eyebrow in question.

“Is there anything else, Miss Cabot?”

“No, I think we’re all set here.” Alex crossed over to her desk and tucked a few papers in her briefcase. “Have a good weekend.”

The woman nodded. “You, too. See you Monday.” Then she walked out, closing the door behind her and leaving Alex to her morose thoughts. The holidays were just around the corner, and Alex was having difficulty gathering any enthusiasm for the coming festivities, even though it was her first chance to celebrate as a Cabot in more than three years.

Alex put on her coat and gathered her briefcase and purse before heading out the door herself. Then she let her thoughts turn to her renewed relationship with her mother.

Her mother had been so happy to welcome Alex home and supportive of her desire to make the most of the opportunity she had been given, but as Alex’s world quickly dissolved into chaos, Elizabeth was hard-pressed to keep her caustic thoughts to herself. She had only once made the mistake of asking after the detectives who had been such a part of Alex’s life before, but the pained expression it had garnered her caused Elizabeth not to ask again. Elizabeth did not mention her own intermittent contact with Olivia – one she had maintained since before Alex’s first emergence from Witness Protection. Given Alex’s reaction to her question about Olivia and her colleagues, Elizabeth figured that information was on a need to know basis – and Alex didn’t need to know... not yet anyway.

So though they were happy to be a family again, there were secrets between them that made things a little awkward as well.

Alex tightened the belt of her coat and wrapped her scarf more securely around her neck. Then she stepped out into the bitter cold and walked briskly down the steps to catch a cab to her apartment.

************

“Benson! Stabler! My office – NOW!” Cragen’s bellow could be heard across the precinct and both detectives cringed before exchanging sheepish glances. Olivia had just managed to get changed into an old NYPD sweatshirt and they were walking slowly in deference to her aching side towards their respective desks when the captain’s yell demanded their presence.

“What did you two kiddies do now?” Munch asked. “Besides letting your perp cool his heels in the interrogation room for the last couple hours and then showing up here despite being told by the doctor to go home.” Olivia turned and faced him and Munch whistled. “Nice shiner there, Liv.”

Stabler shrugged. “Not my fault.” Liv glared at them both but couldn’t manage much more. She was beginning to regret her refusal of pain meds at the hospital. Elliot waited for her to change direction towards the captain’s office before exchanging a look with the other two men. Then he followed her into Cragen’s office and closed the door behind them.

“Take a seat,” motioning them to the chairs and stepping around behind his desk.

“If it’s all the same, sir....” Olivia started.

“It’s not... SIT!” Cragen watched Olivia gingerly slip her body into the chair. Elliot stood beside her until he was sure she was going to make it, then dropped into his own. He propped an elbow on the chair arm and pinched his lip, waiting for Cragen to go postal. Instead, Don took his own seat and folded his hands casually on the desk. Then he turned his focus on Olivia.

“Why are you here? I know what happened out there and I know what the doctor said to you. You’re supposed to be in the hospital. So why are you here?”

Olivia spared Elliot a frown and he shook his head. “Don’t blame me, Liv. I haven’t said anything.”

“And don’t think we won’t be getting to that next, detective.”

“Sir....”

“There is no excuse, Benson... no reason for you to be here. Go home. You’ve got the weekend off; Munch said he’d cover for you. I want you to get a release from the doctor before you come in Monday.”

“But sir....”

“Detective, unless you’d like to be forced to take a couple weeks mandatory leave while you heal, you will simply nod your head and agree with me. Is that clear?”

Olivia tried glaring, but she really was starting to hurt. She nodded her head. “Yes sir. But don’t blame Elliot too much. He only brought me here under protest.”

“I still would have appreciated a phone call from someone *other* than the doctor to let me know what the hell was going on with my detectives.” Cragen blew out a breath. “On the other hand, Jackson should be about ready to spill his guts. He’s been stewing in his own juices since he got here. Elliot, you get your partner home then get right back here. I’ll give Munch and Fin the first crack at him while you’re gone. And you,” coming around the desk and carefully helping Liv stand, “take care of yourself this weekend and remember what I said about Monday. Now get outta here before I change my mind and decide to yell at you both instead.”

Cragen opened the door and allowed his two detectives to pass through in front of him before he pointed towards his remaining detective. “Munch, you’re with me. I’ll take Tutula’s place in the box and the two of you are going to lean on Jackson. As long as he’s been sitting in there with only himself for company, I imagine he’ll be thrilled to have someone else to talk to.”

“I’ll give Novak a call as well. She wanted to be here for this.” Munch checked his watch. “I’ll leave her a message. I think she’s still in court.” He looked at Olivia who was slowly making her way out the door. “Take it easy, Liv.”

“Thanks, John. See you Monday.”

He and Don exchanged skeptical glances, but he nodded his head gamely. “See you Monday.” Then they headed out to deal with Jackson.

It was quiet on the ride to Olivia’s apartment, but it was a comfortable silence for a change. When Elliot pulled to a stop in front of her door, he put it in park and let it idle. “You want me to walk you up?” Olivia shook her head.

“No thanks, El. I’ll be fine.”

He nodded, having expected the answer. “Here, then,” holding out a brown paper bag. “You’ll need these.” Liv took the bag and gave him a questioning look before she opened it. Then she reached in and pulled out the bottle of pain pills and gave him a grateful smile. He smiled in return and shrugged. “The doc gave me the prescription while you were getting dressed. He knew you’d need something. The other is to help you sleep.”

“Thanks for the ride, El. See ya Monday.”

“Get some rest, Liv. Enjoy the downtime.”

She slid out and slammed the door behind her, turning to wave before she slowly mounted the stairs into her building. Elliot watched her until she disappeared behind the door, then he put the car in gear and headed back to the station.

************

Alex entered her penthouse apartment, greeted only by the silence. She dropped her briefcase on the floor and kicked off her shoes, then she padded back towards her bedroom to change into more comfortable clothes. Alex emerged a few minutes later in worn sweats and thick socks and went directly to the kitchen to pour herself a healthy glass of wine. She drank it rather quickly and poured a second, taking that one back into the living room with her.

With very little effort, she lit the fireplace, using it as her only source of light. Then she turned and opened the curtains, looking out across the city skyline, lit up in the darkness. This had become her evening ritual of late.

When she first came home, Alex had been swept up in the excitement of being back in New York. It had been so easy to lose herself in it. Before she realized what had happened, she was engaged, then promiscuous with someone she had no feelings - much less desire - for, was no longer engaged and as an end result, distanced from everyone she had ever known or cared about. Most of her childhood friends had moved on before she had returned and those who were left seemed to have disappeared back into the woodwork once she had broken her brief engagement to Robert.

Even her mother, who loved her without reservation, didn’t even pretend to understand what was going on with her. Alex could see the loving concern and questions, but as yet, they remained unvoiced between them. Someday soon, they were going to have to have a frank talk; Alex wanted to know what Elizabeth was keeping from her and her mother deserved to know the truth... about everything.

For now, though, this was her solace. She gazed over the city, picking out buildings and landmarks and familiarizing herself with home. If she looked real hard, Alex imagined she could see the one-six and Mahoney’s. Most days, she tried not to look that hard. It reminded her of everything that was missing in her life now.

It was a long time before Alex finished her wine and lay down on the couch, letting her eyes close and hoping tonight she would sleep until morning without nightmares.

************

Beep – “Hello, Olivia. This is Elizabeth Cabot. I was just calling to see if we could work out something for Christmas this year. I don’t want to miss our annual Christmas dinner because my daughter....” She broke off and cleared her throat delicately. “Olivia, please call me. I really do want to spend part of Christmas together if your schedule will allow it.”

A soft click signaled the end of the call and Olivia looked at the machine for a long moment before turning her attention back to the flames. She’d napped off and on all afternoon and was feeling a little better than she had after Elliot dropped her off. But she was feeling lazy and comfortable and exceptionally glad she had invested in a top-of-the-line leather couch.

She had reached for the phone when she heard Elizabeth Cabot’s voice, then hesitated. She needed a little time to consider what was really an unexpected invitation, given the current circumstances.

When Alex had gone into Witness Protection, it had fallen to Olivia to stand with Elizabeth Cabot at the funeral. They had started talking and slowly developed a friendship based on things they had in common – including, but not limited to, Alex. Olivia knew things about Elizabeth that Alex didn’t know and Elizabeth knew things that Olivia had never even shared with her own mother.

Alex’s unexpected appearance for the Connors trial had thrown both Olivia and Elizabeth into a tailspin, but surprisingly, it didn’t drive them apart... even when Liv confessed the truth of her knowledge. But much of that had to do with knowing how Liv had suffered with the knowledge even while Elizabeth had suffered without.

Since Alex’s return, however, things had been a little strained between them. Olivia tried to step away from their friendship to allow Elizabeth and Alex time to reconnect and bond. Elizabeth kept trying to pull Olivia into the family circle, having figured out how the detective felt about her daughter. But Olivia balked, wanting Alex to choose to be with her of her own free will and not because she and Elizabeth were friends. But Alex’s engagement and the ensuing chaos were both sources of gossip throughout the judicial and law enforcement communities and though Olivia and Elizabeth never discussed them, Elizabeth knew that Olivia had heard the rumors.

After that, their contact had been sporadic, though they had not lost touch completely – mostly due to Elizabeth’s efforts. She had invited Olivia for Thanksgiving, but her undercover work had made that impossible. However, Elizabeth knew that assignment was over and she also knew how Christmas worked in the world of law enforcement and how Olivia worked on Christmas. She has always worked their dinner around Olivia’s schedule for that reason.

Olivia kept her gaze focused on the fire as she mulled over Elizabeth’s words. On the one hand, she was loath to completely give up the friendship they shared. On the other, she had no desire to run into Alex under any circumstance. She had learned her lesson the hard way; she didn’t want a repeat experience face to face. Maybe it was the coward’s way out, but at least her heart wouldn’t be hurt by Alex any more that way.

A knock on her door surprised her. Not many had a key to the downstairs door; she heard the sound of a key slipping into the lock. And only two had a key to her front door - Elliot and....

“Olivia, dear – it’s Elizabeth. May I come in?”

Liv closed the eye that wasn’t already swollen shut. She really didn’t feel up to fighting, but she couldn’t be rude to Elizabeth. She cared too much for the woman to hurt her needlessly. Liv groaned and struggled to sit up, hoping Elizabeth would hear her; she wasn’t really coherent enough to respond otherwise yet.

“Olivia, are you all right? I stopped by the station hoping to catch you and Elliot told me what happened today. It is one of the reasons I came over.” Elizabeth heard Olivia shuffling towards her and stopped speaking until she got the chains off the doors. “Oh my.” Then Elizabeth opened the door and immediately wrapped a gentle arm around Olivia’s waist and despite her protests, got her resettled on the couch once more. Then her mothering instinct kicked in.

Before Liv knew what had happened or how, her pillow and several blankets were securely ensconced around her and Elizabeth was opening the bundles she had brought with her. Olivia blushed when her stomach rumbled, but Elizabeth just patted her hand and went to the kitchen to fix her a plate.

“You really didn’t have to do this, Elizabeth, though I appreciate the thought.”

“You needed to eat and when Elliot told me what happened, I knew you wouldn’t feel like making the effort. So since I needed dinner as well, I picked up enough for both of us.”

“Well, thank you; it’s wonderful.”

They ate in silence for a few minutes and when they were done, Elizabeth cleaned up quickly before returning to the living room. Then she handed Liv her medication and watched carefully as she swallowed the entire dose. She brushed the hair from Liv’s face before moving to sit in the chair near her head.

“It’s been a long time since someone looked out for me,” Olivia mumbled.

“Well, I’m glad you let me, though you know I had an ulterior motive when I came searching for you tonight.” She waited, and finally Liv closed her eyes and nodded. “I really do want to continue our Christmas dinner tradition together. You have been one of the bright spots in my life the last few years. I don’t want to lose that because circumstances have changed somewhat,” not mentioning Alex by name. She paused, hoping Liv might say something. When she didn’t, Elizabeth sighed and continued. “Olivia, it would still be just you and me there. I would never invite anyone else without asking you first.”

Dark eyes opened, reflecting old pain and sorrow. “Elizabeth, that’s not fair to you or to her. She’s your daughter.”

“And you are my friend. You were a rock for me during some of the darkest days of my life. Alexandra and I still have a lot of things to work out... things that were between us before all this. *This* just complicates things for us a little more.”

Liv couldn’t stop the chuckle, then winced at the pain it cause her. Elizabeth reached over and took her hand. “Sorry,” smiling wryly. “I didn’t think about how ridiculous that sounded.” She squeezed the hand she held, bringing Olivia’s eyes up to meet her own. “Think about it, please.”

Liv nodded and closed her eyes as the medication kicked in. Elizabeth held her hand until Liv’s grip relaxed and her breathing evened out in the slow, deep breaths of sleep. Then she let herself out, locking the door behind her, glad she had a car and driver waiting for her.

************

The next week went fairly quickly. One good thing about babysitting duty – there was never a dull moment. Something was always going on that seemed to require Alex’s attention. She was grateful for that; it made the time pass more quickly, though Alex wasn’t sure when she’d stopped savoring each day back in New York and instead looked at it as time spent – just like she had while she was in the program. It could have been the holiday season, but whatever it was, Alex didn’t like it. She had learned the hard way to treasure every moment – what had happened to her?

Her mother came by for lunch in the middle of the week; they tried to share at least a couple meals together a week and one nice thing about being a Bureau Chief instead of an ADA – Alex had time for real food at real restaurants. Elizabeth had decided to broach the subject of Christmas. Things couldn’t keep going the way they had been; something needed to change.

The young man set their drinks in front of them and nodded before they settled back. Alex could tell her mother was determined about something, and since she had an inkling what it was about, she leaned back slightly and made herself comfortable. “What’s on your mind, mom?”

Elizabeth blinked. She was used to forthrightness from Alex, but she had been hoping to wait until they had been served before broaching the subject. With the question on the table between them, however, she decided to go ahead and speak. She had waited too long as it was.

“Two things, actually.” She reached out and covered her daughter’s hand, lightly chafing warmth into the cold appendage. “I’m worried about you, Alexandra. You seem so lonely... so unhappy... since you broke off your engagement to Robert.” Alex’s eyes dropped. “Was it a mistake, dear heart? Do you regret it in some way?”

Alex turned away, but not before Elizabeth saw the tears form in her eyes. Alex tried to pull her hand from her mother’s, but Elizabeth held on and shook her head. “No, daughter... not this time. I’ve let this go on far too long. No more running away from me; no more running from whatever it is that still haunts you. We are going to face it together. Talk to me, Alex. Let me help you.”

Alex’s eyes, which had flown to her mother’s face at Elizabeth’s use of her shortened name, fell to the table immediately when they met the compassion in identical blue eyes. A inconspicuous motion from Elizabeth sent the wait staff away and insured their discretion until she signaled for them. Then she waited for Alex to speak.

When Alex met Elizabeth’s eyes again, hers were shuttered, closed. All traces of her tears were hidden behind the mask she wore. “There is nothing to talk about, mother. Can’t we just discuss our Christmas plans or something?”

“No... not until I know what is going on with you. Don’t, Alexandra,” her words calm and quiet and effectively halting Alex’s words. “I know we’ve had our differences in the past, and the most of that responsibility is mine. But when you were gone, I realized that none of that was as important as *you*, and I promised myself that if God gave me a second chance with you, I’d do my best to make things right. I’d be a better mother and a better friend.” She drew a deep breath.

“I probably shouldn’t have let things go on so long once I understood there was a problem, but I didn’t want you to think I was trying to run your life, especially after everything. I’ve been trying to figure out the best way to approach you about this, and I finally decided that head on would probably be the most effective and the most appreciated.”

Alex watched her mother’s face intently, seeing love and caring and concern for her clearly written there. She nodded her head slowly in agreement. “I don’t think there is anything you can do, mom. I got a second chance to be Alex Cabot again, and I don’t even know who she is anymore.”

“Who do you want her to be?” The question was unexpected, and Alex gave it due deliberation. But when she answered, she did so with quiet vehemence.

“I want her to be who she was when she left. I want to be the ‘Ice Princess’ – cold and confident and completely unshakeable. I want to go toe to toe with my detectives at the one-six, and be arrogant and argumentative and hard-assed. I want to go to court and see the smile on Olivia’s face when I win. Instead, I’ve become someone I don’t recognize and can’t stand. This was supposed to be a second chance for me – a new life. All I’ve done so far is hurt those I care the most about.”

Elizabeth squeezed Alex’s hand and then pulled away to fold her hands together under her chin. Normally, she would never sit at the table so, but she wanted to maintain her air of sincere interest without making Alex uncomfortable with her scrutiny. She smiled briefly when Alex mimicked her pose.

“If you had it to do over, what would you change?”

“Knowing what I know now? Everything,” she replied with a sad smile. “Robert and I would still be friends, but we would never have made the mistake of getting engaged. I would have gone by my old precinct and talked to my detectives. I would have pushed Arthur for something on the front lines.” She shrugged. “It’s all water under the bridge now.”

“It doesn’t have to be. Some things you can’t change,” Elizabeth acknowledged with a small smile. “You can’t change what happened with Robert or why, but you might be able to salvage your friendship with him if you try. You can still go talk to your detectives, still ask Arthur for reassignment. It’s not like you need to work for the city – you can go into private practice, or become a consultant or a teacher if you want to remain in law. And if you don’t, the possibilities are endless, Alexandra. Become the person you were before, the person you want to be. Don’t let your fear stop you.”

“Easy to say....”

“I’ll be right beside you, Alexandra, if that’s what you want. You don’t have to do it alone.”

************

Olivia didn’t make it in Monday or Tuesday, but by Wednesday she was able to convince the doctor to let her go back to light duty. Elliot just shook his head when he saw her ease her way into the station. “Most of us would have taken the time off and counted ourselves lucky.” He looked at her bruised face, noting the fading color. “Glad to see your eye is open again.”

“I was going stir crazy, El. I probably have the cleanest apartment in New York now.” He chuckled, knowing it for the truth. Olivia had never borne boredom well at all. “And like you pointed out – I can see with both eyes now. So what’s new? What happened with Jackson?”

“He pled out. Novak charged him with four counts of rape, assault with a deadly weapon and assault on a police officer. Life without parole. Otherwise, we’ve got this,” handing across a sheet of paper, “and this,” hesitantly handing over a second file. Olivia frowned.

“How did we get this? This doesn’t look like a sex crime.”

“Dunno. It came down the pipeline for us this morning. I figured I’d ask Novak when I saw her.”

“Or I will... since I’m stuck on light duty for the next few days.”

“Wouldn’t you rather be at home?”

“Nah... then I wouldn’t get to see your charming face, or listen to Munch’s latest conspiracy theory. Cheap entertainment,” said with a sly grin. About that time, Fin and Munch walked in the door.

“Well, well... see who’s here. Good to have you back, Olivia.” Fin just squeezed her shoulder on his way to grab a cup of coffee. Munch shrugged out of his overcoat. “So, did we get anymore information on why that case landed in our lap? Because I have a theory about it.”

Stabler shook his head. “No. We figured we’d talk to Novak about it when we saw her.”

“Talk to me about what?” Casey asked as she crossed into the room and removed her coat. “How are you doing, detective?”

“Better, thanks. Glad to be back.”

Casey smiled. “Good. Just take it easy, all right? We like having you here and we prefer you be unhurt. Now, what did you need to ask me about?”

“This,” handing her the case file Elliot had just handed her. “This isn’t a sex crime.”

Casey frowned. “No, it isn’t. Let me check into this. This should have gone to homicide. Don’t worry,” tucking the file under her arm. “I’ll take care of this.” She turned her attention to Munch and Fin. “What did you two find on the Parkins’ assault?” Fin handed her a cup of coffee and Casey moved over to hear the details on the latest case. Elliot looked at Olivia.

“All right... I’m gonna head out and check out a couple leads on the Morgan case. I’ll bring back lunch.”

“Make it something good. I’ve been eating peanut butter sandwiches since Saturday.”

Elliot chuckled but wisely refrained from commenting. He slipped into his coat and wound his scarf tightly around his neck before pulling in his cap and gloves. Then he gave Olivia a little salute before heading out into the bitter cold.

Liv watched him out the door before shaking her head and pulling the stack of paperwork closer. She grit her teeth and determined to clear as much of it off her desk as she could.

The rest of the week went much the same way. Elliot had weekend duty and Olivia was glad for the break, though thankfully, her ribs were healing nicely and she was able to move around with a minimum of pain. With only ten days to Christmas, she needed the time to find something nice for Elliot to take along for his kids from her. Even though she didn’t feel right about being part of their family celebration this year, she didn’t want the kids to think that their Aunt Olivia had forgotten them. Besides, she needed a new dress for the department Christmas party the following weekend, so she planned to spend Saturday morning shopping. Then maybe she’d give Elizabeth a call.

************

The remainder of lunch was quiet, but not uncomfortably so. Alex was contemplating her mother’s words and Elizabeth was content to let her do so. They could decide what to do about Christmas once Alex had come to terms with what she wanted to do with her life.

The waiter brought them a fresh carafe of coffee before Alex seemed to return to the present. She shook her head. “I’m sorry, mom. I didn’t mean to be rude. I was just....”

“... thinking. I know, dear. It’s all right. I’m used to it; your father used to do the same thing when he was working through something. Did you come to any conclusions?”

“Yes,” adamantly, and for the first time since Alex’s return, Elizabeth heard the daughter she remembered. “For too long I have been playing a part... ever since I went into Witness Protection. I got used to being someone else… being a pod person.” She chuckled wryly. “The psychiatrist the Feds made me see before I was released told me I needed more time to remember how to be Alex Cabot again, but I didn’t believe her. Maybe I should have paid a little more attention.”

Elizabeth signaled the waiter and he set dessert before both of them. Alex drew a breath to protest, but Elizabeth cut her off. “Don’t, Alexandra. You are much too thin and we are going to correct that starting today. Now eat; I happen to know tiramisu is one of your favorites.” Alex tried to glare, but found her expression matched; then simultaneously, they broke into smiles and dug in to their dessert.

“So now what?” Elizabeth asked as they stepped back into the brisk wind blowing through Manhattan. Alex tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ears and wrapped her scarf a little tighter around her neck. Then she took her mother’s arm and flagged a cab.

“Now, I am going to go talk to Arthur and then I am going to reclaim Alexandra Cabot... the person she really is – not the one everyone else expects her to be.”

“Good,” Elizabeth approved, but for Alex, it was enough. “Now about Christmas....”

Alex laughed, the first real laugh Elizabeth had heard from her since her resurrection. “How about we go shopping on Saturday and we can make plans then?”

“It’s a date, Alexandra. In fact, come over Friday night and stay the night. I’ll have Lucas deliver dinner, all right? Please give me a call and let me know how things go with Arthur as well.”

“I will, mom.” Alex said, squeezing the hand she still held. “Thank you for being patient with me.”

“Welcome back, Alex. It’s good to finally have you home again.”

************

“This is a little unexpected, Alex... are you sure about this?” He folded his hands on his desk and leaned forward towards her. “You’re doing such a great job with those kids; I thought you were happy. I mean, I know it’s not like being a prosecutor, but being a bureau chief is the next logical step in your career path – the next step to the big chair... or becoming a judge.”

“I’m not sure that’s what I want out of life anymore, Arthur.” Alex stood from her chair and crossed to the window. “I fought so hard to come back to New York, to reclaim my life and my job and my identity. But I spent years being someone I wasn’t; I really don’t know who Alex Cabot is anymore. I don’t recognize myself, and some of the things I’ve done since I came home... some of the decisions I’ve made.... Arthur, I need to find out who I am again before I completely lose myself in playing the part I think I am expected to play.”

“You’re serious,” a flat statement.

“As a heart attack,” turning to face him. The truth was plain to see in her very blue eyes.

“All right. I’ll get things started. Will you stay until after the first of the year? I realize it’s almost three weeks, but that will give me a chance to get someone else in your place without a lapse.”

Alex nodded. “I can do that, Arthur. Thank you for understanding.”

Branch rose from his desk and walked to stand beside Alex at the window. He shook his head. “I don’t really understand, but I can see this is something you need to do. And it does explain why you have been so... well, I hope you find the answers you’re looking for.” They turned from the window and Alex walked back to the chair to retrieve her purse. “Will you be going to the Christmas party?” Arthur asked as he escorted her to the door. “Might be a good time to reach out to old friends,” noting her hesitation.

“I’ll think about it, Arthur. Thanks.”

************

“I agree with Arthur, Alexandra. I think you should go to the department Christmas party.” The two women were curled up on opposite sides of the couch sharing a bottle of wine. Alex looked at her mother with an eyebrow raised in question.

“Why?”

Elizabeth blinked. She hadn’t expected that question. She took a swallow of wine to give herself a moment to think. She wanted to be honest, but she also to give Alex a reason to try and reach out to those she had known before. Elizabeth felt that would go a long way to helping her daughter reclaim the person she was... and wanted to be again.

“Because no matter if there are hard feelings or ill will, everyone will be on their best behavior and they will at least be cordial. Alexandra, you have to start somewhere. Would you rather walk into the precinct? Because you’ve had months to do that and yet you haven’t.”

“Do you think that makes me a coward, mom?”

Elizabeth reached over and took Alex’s hand in her own. “I think it makes you human. I just want you to be a happy one. Give them a chance, Alexandra; I think they might surprise you.”

Alex smiled, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes.

************

Olivia woke slowly and sat up, stretching her upper body gingerly and smiling in satisfaction when all she felt in her ribs was a bit of residual pull. She reached up to her face, glad that the soreness in her eye and cheek had practically disappeared. Taking it easy during the week had helped her body heal and she stretched again just because it felt good. Then Olivia rolled from the bed and padded to the shower. An hour and tw