A Valiant Nightmare – Part 2

By D

Chapter III

Dite stretched out, wishing for a massage but settling for the tray of tidbits instead.  She picked one up and took a bite, then chewed and swallowed thoughtfully.  Another sip of chocolate and she was ready to speak – a good thing since her sisters were twitching in impatience.

“We’ve been watching them regularly since we figured out that Ares was trying to totally manipulate Randi, and I started monitoring them constantly when Gwen went off on Randi for calling her a consort.  It was so obvious to me from her reaction to that gnarly term that their separation was radically near.”  She held up her hand to keep Artemis from interrupting.

“I know you know this, Art... just let me tell this.”  She chewed another sandwich.  “I noticed something right away – something we had no way of knowing from our visual observations.  I understand now how Ares managed to gain some bogus control – how he’s tried to maintain that awesome power.  But I also learned that Randi didn’t make this decision like, voluntarily and has been so at war with herself over it.”

Dite glanced between her two sisters, verifying that she had their complete attention.  Athena looked at Dite with a furrowed brow and a distinct look of confusion.

“Aphrodite, we already knew Randi didn’t make the decision on her own.  Ares had her poisoned – that’s why Artemis has been so hard at work finding an antidote to reverse its effects and allow Randi to exercise her free will once more.  That’s why she has to make the decision to accept it.”  Dite shook her head vehemently and set her sandwich down with some force.

“No, The... that’s what I’m totally trying to tell you.  Yes, she was poisoned, and that allowed Ares way greater success in trying to, you know, manipulate her.  But the reason the poisoning gave Ares that possibility of power is because it caused Randi’s radical personality to distinctly split.  It gave him major influence over the warrior part of her – the rest of Randi’s gnarly character has been locked away in her own mind.”

Both goddesses goggled at Dite like fish out of water.  The implications of what she had just said were overwhelming.

“One wonders why he hasn’t made more widespread use of this method if it is so successful.”

“I don’t think it is – that successful, I mean,” Dite said honestly.  “Not given what I’ve witnessed.”

Athena pursed her lips.  “What have you seen exactly?  How did you come to this conclusion?”

“Not a sight... more of a feeling.” Dite sighed.  “When I started monitoring them like, constantly, I could feel two distinct individualities struggling for dominance in Randi’s being.  Two separate personas that are both part of Randi’s singular personality.”

“Do we have a way to confirm this?”

Dite shrugged.  “As if.  Look, I’m still working on it.  I do know that Gwen and Randi seemed to have entered that radical dreamscape together.  Something totally changed - I felt....”  She bit her lips in thought.  “It was weird.  It was like Randi, you know, merged with herself or something, because she became a single entity again.  Then she and Gwen connected and....”  Dite trailed off.

“And??” Artemis prompted impatiently.  The love goddess closed her eyes in concentration.

“And that’s all so far.  They’re together, but things are still way off.”  Dite rubbed her eyes and rolled her neck.  “I told you, all I can do is sense their bonding and keep it strong.  The rest... the rest is because the emotions were so majorly intense.”

Athena refilled Dite’s cup with hot chocolate and added extra marshmallows.  “You did good, little sister.  What can we do to help?”

“Pray?” Dite replied jokingly.  “I dunno... just be here and help me keep that bodacious link between them strong.  Even without Reed and Sky to guide them, I have to believe they will be all right together as long as they have that.”

“So do we need to tell Reed and Sky to back off and let Randi and Gwen handle it themselves?”

“I don’t think so, Art.  I think having the seers in place is in everyone’s best interest.  They may not be needed,” Athena responded, “but it’s better to have them there in any case.  They can provide support for Randi and Gwen even if they don’t guide their quest together.”

Artemis nodded.  “I’ll let them know then.”  She sniffed subtly.  “Any chance I could get a little of that nectar, Dite?  It smells divine, and you’re the only god with hot chocolate for nectar.  And I have got to be honest with you – vegetable juice just isn’t the same.”

Dite laughed, and even Athena had to chuckle at Artemis’ plaintive plea.  But it was true – each god had his or her own flavor for nectar tailored to the dominion over which they reigned.  Dite had definitely gotten the best result from that rule.  Fortunately, she wasn’t averse to sharing – most days, anyway.

“Go ahead, Art.  I can use all the fabulous love vibrations we can muster.”

“I can do fabulous,” she said, pouring herself a cup of chocolate and gently inhaling the scent.

“I can second that,” Athena concurred, adding extra marshmallows for herself.  “Though I should be thankful to have gotten new wine and not olive oil.  I believe Zeus was entertaining that as a possibility at one point because of the abundance of olives available.”

All three goddesses scrunched up their faces at that idea.  Then Artemis moved to notify the seers and Athena prepared to resume her support of Dite.  The love goddess re-centered herself and closed her eyes once more, intently focusing on the bond that connected Randi and Gwen soul to soul.

************ 

“How is she?” Geoff asked as he came into the room.  “I got here as fast as I could.”  His hover chair brought him right to the bed and Sky and Tiny moved aside to let him through.  Geoff slipped from the chair and stood on unsteady legs before edging his body onto the bed beside Randi.  He pulled her robe apart just slightly to see that the syn skin went from her collarbone to her naval.  “What the hell happened?  And where’s Gwen?”

Tiny hadn’t given Geoff any details.  He’d just called and told Geoff that Randi was down and that they had issues. Geoff had kissed Jill goodbye and left the school where they had been observing the progress of the rebel students with satisfaction.  He rushed back over to the palatial mansion Randi and Gwen had moved into when Randi had shifted from Commandant to Empress.  Randi had tried to convince them to move in with her and Gwen, but he hated the place. Even if Randi and Gwen hadn’t been newlyweds, he wouldn’t have chosen to live there.  It had been hard enough to come stay briefly at Gwen’s request.  It was apparent to him that Gwen hated it as well and he wondered why Randi couldn’t seem to appreciate that.

“I told you we had issues, and it’s complicated.”

“Of course it is,” Geoff said wryly.  “When has it not been with the two of them?  Will she be all right if we leave her alone for a bit?”  Sky checked her pulse and nodded.

The weapons smith pushed himself off the bed and stood for a moment balancing on both legs and the staff that he now carried with him everywhere.  Not only did it help his balance, but it gave him a much-needed feeling of self-power as he had become quite proficient with it in the chair and had been able to start doing the bare basics very slowly while standing on his own two feet.

He walked slowly and carefully to the chair Randi had occupied not so long before.  He motioned for Sky and Tiny to join him, and they did so, with Tiny taking the other chair and Sky standing in front of the fireplace where he could keep an eye on the still figure on the bed.

“All right,” Geoff said firmly.  “Start at the beginning, and don’t leave anything out.”

************ 

“Ow!  Goddamn it... that hurts!”  Randi lay back down on the slab, clutching her chest and focusing her thoughts on breathing.  Gwen eased her back down and gestured to her torso.

“Do you mind?”

Randi looked at her with hurt clearly showing from eyes that had darkened to grey in the candlelight.  “You have to ask?  After all we’ve been through together, you have to ask?” pulling away slightly.

Gwen reached for her, stopping her motion before Randi could completely turn away.  “After all we’ve been through, *this* is why I asked.  You’ve been withdrawing from me for months, love.  I understand why now... at least a little, but I learned to stay out of your personal space.  You made it clear I wasn’t welcome.”

Randi moved so quickly she had to seize her chest and grasp the side of the slab as bolts of agony ripped through her body.  Gwen didn’t hesitate this time but curled her body around Randi’s, lending her strength and balance to the warrior’s.

Randi lay there for long moments, absorbing the love and warmth she felt from Gwen, and reconciling that with the pain she felt physically in her chest and emotionally in her heart.  Gwen’s words had sent a cold chill down her spine and she was grateful that the bard’s warmth seemed to be chasing that chill away.

For her part, Gwen simply relished the feeling of being close to her soulmate once more, after what had felt like a lifetime of distance.  In some ways, it had been worse than when Randi had died – because this time she had been right there and yet... untouchable.  Gwen gently stroked the dark hair and whispered words of comfort in Randi’s ear, and gradually she felt the warrior’s stiff body relax beneath her.  But when Randi reached for her hand and tangled their fingers together, Gwen knew, without a doubt, they would be all right.

How long they lay like that was irrelevant, much as time itself was in this place.  But it felt good and it felt right and for the time being... that was enough.

Finally, Randi turned in Gwen’s arms, releasing her hand so she could reach up and stroke her face tenderly.  “Gwen, did I... did I... hurt... you?”

Gwen returned the facial clasp, keeping her eyes pinned to Randi’s so the warrior could see the truth in them.  “No, love... not physically.  My pain came from not understanding....” nudging Randi’s chin when her eyes closed.  “Hey,” she coaxed kindly.  “Randi, look at me.  Yes, it hurt and it made me angry, and I’m not gonna lie to you about that.  I promised you I would never lie to you as long as it was in my power to tell you the truth.  But now I understand better, and it hurts a lot less.”

“I’m sorry, Gwen.  I never meant....”

“It’s all right, love.”

The dark head shook.  “No.  It was me who sent you away.  I didn’t want you to be hurt, so I sent you away.  And you got hurt anyway.”

Gwen smiled wryly.  “My protector.  Sometimes we just can’t control things like we want to, huh?” pushing dark bangs off of Randi’s forehead.  “C’mon, can you sit up?”  Randi pushed up slowly, glad the pain she’d experienced before had settled into a dull ache.  “You all right so far?”

Randi nodded and began unbuttoning the shirt she wore.  Gwen moved the candle closer, gasping sharply when she glimpsed the damage down the centerline of Randi’s torso.  She covered her mouth and just stopped herself from reaching out.

“Oh God, love!  Are you... what happened??”

Randi caught her hand and placed it carefully on an undamaged bit of skin. Gwen made slow teasing circles almost unconsciously and Randi smiled at how quickly the pain receded under the bard’s touch.

“Ares,” she finally answered succinctly, pulling herself from the haze that Gwen’s contact had caused throughout her body.  Blonde brows hiked into a blonde hairline.

“I guess we really do have a lot to talk about.”

************ 

“Are you sure about this, Reed?  I mean, if Gwen has already joined Randi in *her* dreamscape, what makes you think you can reach Gwen through her own?  And even if you *do* find Gwen, you can’t go poking around in Randi’s mind for a multitude of reasons.”  Lacey grabbed Reed by the arm.  “Reed, are you listening to me?”

The seer caught Lacey’s hands in her own and focused her gray eyes and considerable personality on the doctor.  Where she wanted to be frustrated, she couldn’t, because Lacey only showed her genuine caring and confusion over the current situation.

Lacey felt Reed’s sigh of resignation, and moved them slightly away from the preparation area that Rosie was busy staking out around Gwen.  The shamaness had to set things up to channel the energy Reed would need to draw on from the seers now surrounding the cottage.  She wasn’t about to get involved with the current discussion running between the two Sabres.

Reed and Lacey moved into the small kitchen area still clutching hands, and each could feel the tension rolling off the other.  This was by far the riskiest, most dangerous mission they had ever undertaken, and after the fighting and destroying they had done in the last few months, that was saying an awful lot.  Neither of them wanted to have come this far just to lose.

Reed nodded at Lacey and sighed a second time.  “Yes, I was listening.  What do you see as our obstacles?”  Lacey blinked at her astounded.  Reed smiled at her wryly, despite the seriousness of their situation.  “I need to know – perhaps it is something we already have a solution to or can work around.”

Lacey nodded.  “Right.  First concern is Randi’s mind – if you couldn’t find your way to her hiding place when she gave you permission to look around, do you really think you have a chance against what she will view as a threat?  Especially since we all have our own safeguards in place to protect ourselves from giving up secrets willingly?  What truly concerns me is the fact that she seems to be existing there... at least part of her is, and that could be particularly dangerous to you both.”

Reed nodded thoughtfully.  “Go on.”

“My other concern is obviously how you intend to reach Gwen.  If she and Randi are in Randi’s mind, in her dreamscape, how do you intend to find her and show her the way to the safe place in her own?  There are so many risks and variables to this, Reed.”

“I know, but we have to work to give Gwen a safe place.  It is my firm belief that if... when... she and Randi make it through the darkness together, Gwen is still going to want to bring Randi into her own world for a while.  They need to have a place prepared where they can recover and Gwen knows this.”

“And they can’t do that in just any nice dreamscape they can conjure up?”

Reed shook her head.  “Not this time.  They’re going to need support.”

“So, any ideas how to find them?”

“Well,” Reed answered honestly, “I think we need to go ahead and set up the support system like we discussed.  Gwen is fully aware of what the plan was.  With any amount of luck, she will retain that knowledge and will come looking for us.  Then we won’t have to go looking, and we won’t have to go into Randi’s mind without invitation.”

Lacey nodded.  “If you think it’s for the best... I’ll keep an eye on both your vitals.  Wouldn’t do to have something happen to either of ya’ll during this little exercise.”  She cleared her throat.  “Sorry about before.”

“No worries – I expect you to bring up points of concern like that.  It’s what makes you so damn good at your job.  But we’ve got to do this.”

Lacey nodded.  “All right.  Let’s get started.”

************ 

Gwen was pacing silently – four paces up... four paces back.  She hadn’t wanted to give up her spot next to Randi, but the warrior’s words made her so antsy, Gwen decided to pace.  So to continue the tactile contact she craved, Gwen ran her hands lightly up Randi’s prone body as she walked back and forth.  For her part, Randi felt the touch fill a hole in her soul she hadn’t realized was there until she was whole once again, and she savored the healing it provided her.

Finally Gwen stopped moving and perched on the slab next to Randi’s hips, then she caught the long fingers in her own and lifted them to her lips.  She sighed and reached hesitantly towards Randi’s injured body.  The warrior read her intent and, ignoring her own pain, pulled Gwen into her embrace, draping the bard over her body into their preferred position.  Gwen felt Randi’s body shift and tense then release a big sigh.

“Sweetheart, are you all right?”  She made a move to ease off Randi, and she felt the strong arms close around her more tightly.

“Stay, please.  I’ve... I’ve missed having you here.  It’s worth a little pain to feel you back where you belong.”

Gwen smiled and gently placed her head back on Randi’s shoulder, snuggling into her spot with a feeling of decadent pleasure.  “I’ve missed this too.”

There was silence for a time after that as both women simply absorbed the feeling of love and contentment that coursed through them.  But it couldn’t last and they knew that, and eventually, Gwen leaned up on an elbow so green eyes could meet blue.

“So let me see if I’ve got this straight – this whole thing... my kidnapping by Ben, your poisoning and subsequent memory losses – all of this was so Ares could try to gain control of the warrior part of you?  Thinking... hoping... that it would give him control of all of you?”

“Best as I can figure out, yeah,” Randi confirmed.  “It took me a while to put it all together once he managed to completely separate me from myself.  It was like... I really was two different people, and one didn’t know what the other was doing.  And I’m still not clear on what happened.  Apparently the Empress part of me knew she couldn’t hide her memories here, so she created her own hiding place.  We’ll have to go find them.”

“Okay, so what happened that caused this?” motioning to Randi’s still wounded chest.  “How did you piss him off?”

Randi smiled.  “I denied him his victory.  I figured out that I had to come to him willingly and offer him parts of me that weren’t mine to give.  He can’t simply take from me – I have to want him in my life, and I don’t.”

Green eyes were an interesting phenomenon, Randi mused, especially when they were backlit with the fires of jealousy.  But it created a solid warmth in the warrior’s belly to feel Gwen’s possessiveness surround her once more.

“Excuse me....” Gwen’s voice was low and surprisingly deep.  “That lousy son of a bitch has plagued our lives for the past year, put us through hell and damnation itself, because he wants to take my place in your heart and in your bed??  I’ll kill the bastard myself.”  Her nostrils flared as she tried to get her temper under some semblance of control.

Randi chuckled and winced in pain, grabbing her chest as she continued to laugh.  “Oh, Gwen,” she said, cupping her face with her free hand.  “Do you have any idea just how fabulous that makes me feel... especially after everything we have been through together since this started?”

Gwen smiled and blushed adorably.  “That was presumptuously possessive of me, wasn’t it?  Sor....”

Her apology was cut off mid-word as Randi’s fingertips covered her lips.  “Don’t you dare be sorry.  I want you to always feel that presumptuously possessive.  God knows I do.”

Gwen’s blush deepened, but she maintained eye contact.  “So that is why he tried to turn you into a crispy critter... because you told him no?”

“Actually, I told him to go away.  Then he proceeded to give me a whopper of a headache and try to fry my insides.”

“Um, not that I’m not thrilled about this little fact, but um... does he know he failed, or...?”

“Oh yeah... he wasn’t trying to kill me.  He’s still convinced I will call for him and join him.  Even if I wanted to, which I don’t,” she added firmly, “I couldn’t give him what he wants, and he just doesn’t get that.  You own me – body, heart and soul – and I can’t give away what’s not mine.”

“Well, he’s damn sure not gonna get it from me,” the bard muttered through gritted teeth.  Then she looked up at Randi with concerned eyes.  “But that means he’s gonna come back for you again.”

“Yes, it does,” Randi agreed seriously.  “But we’ll be together this time, and he will be defeated once and for all.”

“Peace at last?”

“Peace at last,” Randi affirmed.  “Figures we have to walk through the fires of hell itself first.”

Gwen sighed, though there was a trace of a smile in her voice.  “It’s never easy with us, is it?”

Randi shuddered and Gwen realized almost immediately that she was shaking in silent laughter as gently as she could manage.  She smiled in sympathy.

“My mother used to say the same thing to my father, though they never had issues like we do.”

Now Gwen laughed.  “I like that.  Ares is an issue.”

“Well, that’s not all he is, but that description will suffice for now.”  Randi shifted and struggled to sit up with a groan.  Gwen read her intention and scooted around to help her, watching her with worried green eyes.

“You all right, love?  I didn’t think you could feel physical pain here.”

Randi shook her head.  “I’ve never been able to before, thankfully.  I wonder if it’s because a god did this directly.”  She took a deep breath and gingerly slid from the slab to the floor.  “However, we’re on a mission.  We need to find those memories and work through them.”  She clutched her head as another agonizing pain lance through her skull.  “And somehow,” she mumbled as Gwen took her arm and picked up the candle.  “I don’t think this is gonna be a moonlight and roses kinda picnic.”

“That’s okay,” Gwen reassured as she wrapped her arm firmly around Randi’s waist.  “I’ll bring the candle, and we’ll have a candlelit dinner instead.”

Randi smile was so big, it nearly lit up the darkness itself.  “You’re something else, you know that?”

Gwen returned her look and her smile turned wry.  “I know...the real question, though, is what am I exactly.”

“Wife, lover, best friend, confidante, companion, soulmate,” giving Gwen back her own words.  “And that’s just what you are to me.  Doesn’t take into account any of the things you are to yourself or others, you know... like Queen, bard, teacher, warrior, taste tester,” the last added with another grin.  It earned Randi a slap on the butt.  “Oof!  Well, you are.  Ella’s not nearly as enthusiastic about allowing the rest of us to try new stuff until you give it a thumbs up.”

Gwen pretended to be miffed and stuck her nose into the air.  “Some of us are more culinarily inclined than others.”

“Culinarily inclined... is that even a real word?  Heh... some of you just enjoy eating more... Oof!” as she got lightly popped on the ass once more. “Hey, watch the merchandise – I bruise easily, ya know,” rubbing the afflicted spot.

“Be nice to me,” the bard growled, relishing the teasing in a way she hadn’t expected.  It had been a long time since they had indulged in such play and she hadn’t realized how much she had missed it until its return just now.  She looked around in the darkness, unable to see anything beyond the small circle of light the candle cast.  “Where are we going anyway?”

Randi looked around slowly.  “I’m not completely sure, honestly.  I’m looking for those hidden memories, but I’m going mostly on instinct.  I don’t actually know where they are, but I’m hoping something will occur to me as familiar soon.”

Gwen gestured forward with the candle.  “Lead on then, MacDuff.”

Randi’s arm tightened around Gwen’s shoulders, and she smiled when Gwen’s arm tensed reflexively around her waist.  She tilted her head down and brushed a kiss over the fair hair beneath her chin.  “Uh uh,” she replied.  “I’m not leading and you’re not following.  This we do together walking side by side.”

This time Gwen squeezed hard and it was the most painfully, wonderful experience Randi could recall in the months since things had started falling apart. She grunted softly and returned the embrace in full measure.

Abruptly, Gwen pulled away.  “Sorry, love,” she apologized hastily.  “I forgot abo....”  She stopped speaking when Randi tugged her closer again.  Then she cleared her throat.  “I like the sound of that, ya know.  Walking side by side with you is where I always want to be.”

Randi smiled at the sentiment, then suddenly grasped her head in her hands and fell to her knees.  Gwen followed rapidly and held on to the warrior, rocking her gently and kneading the back of her neck with expert hands.  The knots she found there were unnerving, but she continued her ministrations until she felt Randi’s body slowly relax against her.

“Sweetheart?  What happened?  Are you all right now?”

Randi didn’t speak for several long moments after dropping to her knees.  One reason was that being held against Gwen’s body was such a good feeling she didn’t want to give it up.  But the flip side of that reality was that the ache in her head was truly excruciating and the flashes of images that flitted through her consciousness only added to her pain and confusion.  Finally, relatively sure her head wouldn’t roll off her shoulders if she moved it, Randi nodded gently, then drew a deep breath to speak.

“I think we’re near the source of the hidden memories, or at least I hope we are.  I really don’t want to know if there are other things here that could cause me this kind of agony.”  She raised her head slowly and peered into the darkness.  “Can you hold the candle up, love?  Can you see anything?”

Gwen picked the candle up from when she had hastily dropped it when Randi crumpled.  She moved it around in every direction, but there was nothing to be seen beyond the small circle of light save more shadows and obscurity. 

“I don’t see anything, Stud, except more darkness.  You want me to search around a little...?”

“NO!” Randi cut in fiercely, then blushed so hard Gwen felt it against her skin in the gloom.  She cleared her throat.  “Side by side, remember?”

Gwen nodded and kissed the dark head snuggled into her neck.  “I remember.  Are you able to stand up?”

Randi nodded and blew out a breath.  “I think so, as long as we go slowly.”

Not only did they go slowly, but Gwen did her best to help and in short order they were standing on shaky legs again.  Randi took the candle from Gwen and moved it slowly in a circle, hoping for more than its meager illumination to give her some clue as to where they needed to go.  Finally, she sighed and moved in the direction that felt right, and gradually, they found a second marble slab.

Gwen released a held breath and patted Randi’s side.  “Good instincts there, warrior.  Now what?”

Randi eased her body down onto the slab in a sitting position and patted the spot beside her.  Gwen slid into place and rested her head on Randi’s shoulder, gratified when the dark head rested on hers and their arms went around one another instinctively.

“Now I learn how bad the last few months have been, and we figure out where to go from here.”

“I’ll be honest with you, Randi.  What you’re gonna see is not good – I mean....”  Gwen tightened her grip when Randi stiffened.  “What you accomplished is nothing short of amazing.  How you did it, however....”

“Is that why you left me?  Because of the horrible things I did?”

“No, Randi.  I explained this to you.  I left because it was time... because you needed to make a decision about who you are and who you want to be.  We’re here together because you chose us over Ares, and with that decision comes the consequence of having to accept responsibility for your actions.  I won’t leave you again, unless *YOU* decide we will no longer be together.  I promised you forever, and I meant it.”

Randi threaded her hands into Gwen’s short, blonde head and gently enticed her closer until their lips were a breath’s whisper apart.  “Ares has no chance where I am concerned because I won’t give us up,” she said with a small smile before capturing the full lips with her own.  Then they spent long moments reaffirming their bond together.  Gwen could actually feel Randi’s strength and confidence returning.

“Feel better?” she asked as they separated for air.  “’Cause I sure do.”

Randi chuckled and hugged the bard close.  “That always makes me feel better, and so does this.”

Gwen patted her sides as she returned the hug.  “Good, because we need to get to work.  The sooner we do this, the sooner we can move on.”

“I’m all for that.  I have a lifetime to spend with you, and amazingly, ruling the world doesn’t fit into those plans.”  She slid off the slab and moved over to what appeared to be a series of file cabinets.  “Do you know when I should start looking... how far back I should go?”

“Do you know when exactly you were infected?  Or can you determine where the gaps are in your memory?”

Randi gently stroked her face.  “There are no gaps.  My mind just strings things together to cover the time that is missing.  What Reed called editing – she can see them because she is watching them from an observer’s point of view.”  She scratched her face again, then looked at Gwen.  “Your kidnapping – I’ll bet this goes back to your kidnapping.  Something Ben said - things will never be the same between you ever again – I thought at the time he was referring to the fact that he had stolen your memories, but now....  I wonder if... I think he did something that helped give Ares the control he needed to allow me to separate myself to do what I did.”  Randi blinked her eyes.  “Does that make sense?”

Gwen nodded.  “Far more than you know.”  She looked around at the drawers and creased her forehead.  “And I think you’re right.  Start with my kidnapping.  Knowing you, everything is filed chronologically and it should be easy to follow once we start.”

Randi agreed, and quickly searched through each memory date until she found her starting place.  Then she stiffened her back and steeled herself to open the first book.

Chapter IV

“How’s she doing, Rosie?” Lacey asked as she continued to monitor Reed’s and Gwen’s vital signs.  Everything looked good on her end so far, but she knew the shamaness had a literal feel for what Reed was experiencing.  Even Lacey could feel the power that ran between them and she had a fleeting desire to wonder how that felt.  Then remembering the one mind walk Reed had done on her, decided she really didn’t need to know.

Rosie turned towards the doctor and Lacey gasped in surprise.  She’d expected to see warm brown eyes facing her and instead found glowing golden orbs in their place.  Rosie couldn’t stop the smile that formed.

“She’s good. Her aura is very strong as is Gwen’s and the support her tribe is providing is amazing.”

“I...um, see... that.”  Lacey blinked and leaned in for a closer look.  “Does that... hurt?”

Rosie blinked.  “No.  It’s... well, it’s hard to describe.  I can feel Reed’s strength and the power of her tribe, and I can sense distinct auras.  Reed’s and Gwen’s the most strongly of course, but also yours, mine, the tribe, and in a very distant way, Randi’s.  This is a reflection of all of that.”

“So things are all right?  I mean, on that level?  Even Randi?”

“Even Randi,” Reed answered as she slowly opened eyes that glowed a weird silver color.  “The vague uneasiness I sense from her has to do with what she is going to be facing, because I also sense a renewed joy and peace in her that has been missing for quite a while.”

Reed leaned up out of Rosie’s embrace and Lacey placed her hands over Gwen’s wrists and moved them from Reed’s.  Then both seer and shamaness eased away from Gwen in what seemed a choreographed dance with Rosie never losing tactile contact with Reed until they had slipped completely from the bed.

Lacey turned and adjust two of the transmitters on Reed’s body, nodding her head when their readings changed and fell into more acceptable parameters.  Then she gave a cursory look at the readings she continued to receive from Gwen.  Seeing they were perfectly normal, she rose and stretched, glad for the excuse to do so.

“So now what?”

“Well, everything is in place and the safe room is set up, and right now, Randi and Gwen seem to be relaxed together somewhere in Randi’s mind for the moment anyway.  So I’m going to take a pee break and grab a quick bite, because when it comes, I imagine the fallout to Randi’s self-discovery could take quite a while, and we’ll be stuck then.”

“Is there anything else I can be doing?” Lacey asked.  “I mean... I’m just sitting here.”

Reed walked into the bathroom, but kept the door slightly open as she continued to talk.  “That is so critically important, Lacey.  They have to survive this, together and intact for us to succeed.  It is the only way for Ares to be truly defeated once and for all.”

She sighed in relief and flushed, chuckling when Lacey nearly knocked her out of the way in her haste to get in.  “Note to self: no more coffee.”  Reed’s chuckling became full-fledged laughter.

Rosie had remained to keep and eye on Gwen, and as soon as Lacey exited the bathroom, she took her turn.  The Sabre medic returned to her post by Gwen’s bedside, looking over the monitors and checking to make sure Gwen was comfortable.

She noticed a glitch in the readings and frowned, making a notation in the chart and continuing to check Gwen’s vitals.  She felt Gwen shiver and her eyes began to move rapidly behind her eyelids.

“Reed?”

“Mmph... yeth?” trying to chew, swallow and answer at the same time.

“Reed, you better come look.  I think there is something more going on now than just relaxing together.”

Immediately Reed and Rosie were both at Gwen’s bedside.  They took in her rapid breathing and her pale complexion and immediately resumed their places as seer and support.  Lacey put Gwen’s hands on top of Reed’s as soon as Rosie had hers underneath and the trio settled in for a long wait.

************ 

“You’re kidding me... she actually blew Ares off to his face??  Not once but twice, and lived to tell about it??”  Geoff swiped a hand across his eyes.  “He must want her really badly.”

Tiny sighed.  “Yeah, but he wasn’t above hurting her pretty badly too,” turning his attention towards the bed where Randi still rested.  Sky had long since gone back to her side to keep vigil over her.  Aside from the activity in her mind that he could just sense on the edge of his awareness, something bothered him about the way her chest was healing – or to be more precise, the way it was *not* healing.

He’d expected the syn skin to take like it normally did... adhering to and becoming part of Randi’s own skin to aid and speed the healing process.  Instead, it remained a separate entity – covering but not blending into Randi’s own skin.  And worse, the regen unit seemed incapable of repairing the damage Ares’ bolt had caused, at least with any sort of momentum.

So he sat and watched, monitoring her as well as he could without being inside her mind guiding her spirit walk.

Without warning, her breathing changed, becoming shallow and much faster, her pulse point fluttering and her eyes moving rapidly.  Her body didn’t move, but she tensed, and Sky could feel the anguish that suddenly permeated the air around her.

“Tiny!” Sky called softly, but with some urgency.

The big Sabre moved far more swiftly that someone of his size should have been able to manage, especially considering the stealth with which he accomplished it.  Geoff was still trying to get out of the chair by the time Tiny was sliding his body behind Randi’s on the bed.  He ran his arms underneath Randi’s, supporting them, then he extended her hands, palms up, for Sky to link to.  He had been well- schooled in the difference hand placement made to the task.

“What are you doing?” Geoff asked as he hobbled over towards the odd tableau unfolding before him.  He hadn’t been a Sabre long enough to do a mind walk before he was critically injured, and had no cognitive memory of one being done on him.  And he had believed the mere idea to be simple folklore.  Now he wondered.

Sky took a deep breath and laid his hands on Randi’s, gently clasping her wrists.  “Not what you’re thinking, my friend.  Since I cannot guide her spirit quest, my purpose for being here is to give Randi strength and support to face her demons.”

“You can do that?”

Sky smiled.  “I can do that.”

“Can I help?”

Sky eyes the weapons smith carefully, seeing that core of inner strength he’d needed to be able to walk again.  The shaman nodded.  “Yes,” he said finally.  “Place your hands on top of mine and I will channel all of our strength to Randi.”

It was a curious sensation, Geoff decided, though not an unpleasant one.  He could feel the power coming from Sky and Tiny and he perceived it being melded into one solid strength with his own as Sky directed it into Randi’s essence.

He had a vague notion to wonder how Randi felt on the receiving end, then concentrated his efforts on staying strong... for all of them.

************ 

For a very long moment, Randi held the book in her hand – afraid to move forward and afraid to move back.  There were no good choices any more, just different degrees of bad.  She started when Gwen came up behind her and placed a hand on her back.  Randi still hadn’t gotten adjusted to the fact that not only could Gwen be here in such a private place, but that she was so much a part of it all that she could catch Randi unawares.

For her part, Gwen kept her hand on Randi’s back, rubbing in light circles until she felt Randi begin to relax against her touch.  Then she eased the book from Randi’s reluctant hands.

The cover was non-descript... black leather with a date tooled into it.  The pages appeared to be old parchment, but there was a lock that prevented Gwen from opening it.  Instead, she led Randi back to the slab and they sat side by side, touching along their length.  The bard turned the book over in her hands several times before returning her Gaze to Randi.

“So, how do you open it?”

Randi took the book into her hands and laid it gently in her lap, then she blew out a deep, frustrated breath.  This was harder than she’d imagined it would be.  And that was saying a lot, because she had imagined it pretty difficult.

She chanced a look into Gwen’s eyes and saw nothing but love, understanding and support.  She closed her eyes and offered up a brief prayer to Aphrodite, hoping those same emotions would be reflected back to her still when this was all over.

Randi reached a hand down and traced the lock carefully, focusing her considerable will on it.  She’d never done this before – never felt the need to go back and revisit the memories she’d hidden away in these secret places.  There was a slight snick, and the locking flap fell away from the rest of the book, giving them both the ability to open and read.

Gwen restrained herself from reaching up and taking the book from Randi.  This was Randi’s quest, and as much as Gwen wanted to take it for her, the bard could only provide whatever measure of support and comfort the warrior would allow.

“I have to want it open,” Randi finally said aloud, startling them both in the silence.  The book remained closed, and Randi’s eyes remained glued to it.

Gwen chuckled a little nervously.  “Wow!  That’s a pretty good lock.”

Randi nodded, her dark hair covering her face, but Gwen could hear the nervous smile in her voice.  “Yeah, it is.  This is the first time I’ve ever come in here to unlock anything.  Always before it’s been to put things away.”  She lifted a hand to push the hair away from her face and noticed it was trembling.  Gwen caught it in her own before Randi could hide it.

Blue eyes met green for a timeless moment.

“Always, Randi.  I promised you that.”

“Even if...?”

“Even if.  You forget... I *know* what’s in some of those pages.  I lived through part of it, and the rest?  We’ll deal with it as it comes.”

Randi gazed into those eyes a moment longer then nodded.  “Together?”

Gwen nodded.  “Together,” and slid the book across until it lay between them equally.  She still held Randi’s hand, and when she made a move to let go of it, Randi held on tighter.  Gwen offered Randi a smile then, and reached for the cover, opening the tome while Randi kept it from sliding away from them.  Gwen blinked twice.

“This is...  you *wrote*.  You came and sat here and hand wrote these memories out?”

Randi nodded and chewed her lip slightly.  “That’s how I exorcise them.  By writing everything out, I put in every single detail, and it transfers from my mind to the page.  When I’m done, I lock it away forever.”

“Until now.” 

Randi nodded. “Until now,” she agreed softly.  She took a deep breath, and began reading. 

I was retuning from the infirmary.  The pain in my face was agonizing, but when I saw Jerry, our supposed leader trolling along, I got angry, and things got very personal.  I decided he needed to suffer some too, and I was just the person to make him pay.

It was too easy – I slid into the shadows behind him and he never saw me until he felt the knife pierce his gut. Jerry started to walk through clearly marked gang territory and he allowed himself to become distracted.  The lack of attention cost him dearly, and he found himself pinned to the nearest polymer wall with a twelve-inch blade through his middle.

He closed his eyes, trying to center himself, then reopened them and tried to focus.  There was nothing but a black-clad form in front of him, and blearily he realized this was his attacker, though he never knew who I was.  When I spoke to him in a whisper, he shuddered at the sound.

“You owe me, Jerry, and the time has come for you to pay up.”  Swiftly, he saw the light reflected off his own blade before it cut off his head in one fell swoop.  Then I picked up the head, and with a single thrust pushed the sword through his forehead, and into the wall.  “The scavengers can have what’s left now.”

It took a moment to strip off the outfit that covered me from head to toe, and another to dump it into the nearest incinerator.  Then I stumbled into the park and collapsed.

The book slid away from them as Randi crumpled onto the slab.  Gwen started to reach for it until she realized Randi was falling as well.  Then the book dropped to the floor and she held on to her keening soulmate.

Randi wasn’t sure whether to hold Gwen tighter to her or push her away from what she saw herself as.  Gwen took the choice from her when she simply wrapped her body around the warrior’s and held on for dear life.

They lay there together holding on tightly to one another as they processed what they had both just learned.  For Gwen, the events Randi had read about weren’t really that shocking – not given what she had lived through and seen with her own eyes.  Gwen had seen many facets of her warrior’s personality since they had become part of one another, and she knew far too well just what depths Randi was capable of reaching... in love, in intelligence, in discipline and in violence. 

Randi, on the other hand, was struggling with the knowledge that she had killed, had murdered, the former Sabre Commandant.  That was beyond the code... totally unacceptable behavior for a Sabre, no matter the reason.

In the midst of this argument with herself, Randi felt herself infused with warmth... not just from Gwen, but from outside, as though it was being channeled to her from another source.  Gwen lifted her head from the warrior’s back and looked down into a face filled with pain and confusion.  She lifted a hand up to tenderly wipe the trace of tears from Randi’s cheeks, gratified when the warrior leaned into her touch.

“Randi?  I know this is hard.  I’d like to tell you it’s gonna get easier, but it isn’t.  But, sweetheart, I need you to understand and remember something for me.  Everything that you read about is in the past... it’s already happened and there is nothing you can do to change it or make it better.  We have to accept it and move on.”

Randi sat up rapidly and brought Gwen with her.  Then she grabbed the bard by the arms and turned to face her.  “Accept it?!?  Gwen, I can’t accept this!  It was cold-blooded murder!  I committed the cold-blooded murder of a man I had sworn to obey.”

“Randi, let go.  You’re hurting me.”  Randi pulled away so swiftly and forcefully one would have thought her hands were on fire.  Only Gwen’s quick grab of Randi’s hands kept them both from tumbling backwards.  “Don’t you pull away from me, Miranda Valiant.  We promised together and you’re not backing out just because it starts out hard.” 

“I hurt you.”

Gwen smiled.  “Nothing that won’t heal, love.  Now listen, yes, you did those things, but I want you to think about something.”  She waited a long moment for the dark head to nod.  “Good, now listen.  As a warrior, isn’t it part of the code to vanquish all those who oppose or hinder the greater good?  To destroy those who try to destroy those you have sworn to protect and defend?”

“Yes, but....”

“Randi, regardless of the fact that he helped you rescue me from Ben, he contributed, no matter how unwittingly, to my being in that situation in the first place.  Just like he was a huge factor in the whole Ghost Rider thing.  I mean, he caused it - created Ghost Rider and then let it continue for how long?  His inability to take care of problems that were his responsibility hindered the greater good, didn’t it?  Allowed the destruction of those you’d sworn to protect and defend??”

It was completely silent as Randi processed Gwen’s words.  Then her head slowly bobbed up and down in agreement.  She opened her mouth, but Gwen’s fingers covered her lips before she could speak.

“Even though it wasn’t done on a combat mission, wasn’t his execution similar to others who were guilty of the same crimes?”

Another bob.  “Now I want you to think about one more thing, all right?  Randi, remember the warrior part of you was in complete control – no mercy, no compassion, only justice. Jerry’s death was very personal to you because he had caused you so much personal grief.  Yet you behaved exactly as a warrior would with an enemy out in the field.  His death was quick and clean.  If you had been in complete control and you’d been given an order to do the same out in the field, the result would have been the same.”

“Are you saying you think it was right?”

“I’m saying you behaved exactly as the warrior you are has been trained to, and you eliminated a threat.  Right or wrong, love, you did follow that code of honor you and your fellow Sabres hold so dearly to.  It’s not my call to make – it never has been.  But it is your choice to accept and believe it.  Just know that I have never stopped believing in you.”

Randi didn’t say a word, but wrapped Gwen in her arms and nuzzled into her neck.  Gwen bit her lips to keep from chuckling until butterfly kisses were added to the sensatory barrage of warm breath and nibbling lips.  Then her chuckles became laughter and Randi squeezed tighter in sheer joy.  She’d never expected to retain Gwen’s belief in her... not after what she’d obviously done to bring Gwen to the point of leaving her.  For now, though, Gwen was here and in her arms, and that more than anything soothed her soul and gave her back a measure of peace she’d been missing for far too long.

Eventually, they turned and stretched out on the slab, emotionally drained.  They never realized when they fell into a light doze and went in search of the warmth they felt sustaining them from outside their shared bond.

************ 

“Gwen?”

“Reed?  What are you doing here?”  The bard looked around carefully. “Um... where *is* here, anyway?”

“This is a place in your mind that I’ve sealed off as a safe place for you and Randi to come.”  Gwen’s brow furrowed.  “Do you remember how we discussed that when you started on your spirit walk, we would create a safe haven for you to escape to and rest as you needed to?  Well, this is it.”

“But we’re not on our spirit walk yet.  You and Sky are supposed to guide us.”

“Well, that was the plan, yes,” Reed corroborated wryly.  “But it seems you and Randi had other ideas, and it’s not safe for you or us to enter once you’ve started.”

“So you mean us going through her recent past together...?”

“That’s your spirit walk, yes.  It will either cement your bond or destroy it, but my money is on you and Randi,” Reed hastened to confirm at Gwen’s raised eyebrow and glowering gaze.

“Then how did you do this?  And how are we able to meet here?

Reed sat down on the green grass, leaning her back against the tree and dangling her feet in the cool, clear water of the stream that burbled by.  She tugged on Gwen’s hand, and the bard dropped down beside her.

”I was able to do this because we talked about it, and you were agreeable to the idea.  On a subconscious level you knew I was going to come in and prepare this place and you let me.”

“I let you?  Does that mean I could have stopped you?”

Reed shrugged.  “Well, you could have made it very clear that I was not welcome.  That would have pretty much put an end to it.”

Gwen looked around.  “I’m glad I didn’t. I like it here.”  And indeed, the safe place that Reed has created for them resembled their private glade in amazingly accurate detail.  “But that still doesn’t explain how we are able to meet in this place,” turning back to the conversation at hand.

Reed smiled.  “You came looking for me, actually.”  Gwen’s brow creased again as she stared at the seer in confusion.  Reed patted her hand.  “You felt warmth and strength emanating from outside your bond with Randi, yes?  And you went looking for it.” The bard nodded.  “Rosie and I are channeling that strength to you, and when you reached this place, I was here waiting for you, knowing you had questions... and answers for that matter.”

“Answers?”

“Sure.  How are ya’ll doing?”

Gwen smiled.  “Oh... *those* kinds of answers.”  She chewed her lip as she thought about it a minute, wanting to be as honest as possible.  “It’s hard,” she finally said simply.  “There’s a lot there that we’re gonna have to work through, but at least we’re doing it together.  That makes all the difference,” she finished with a smile.  “It’s gonna take longer than we expected though, because some of this goes back further than I realized.”

Reed cocked an eyebrow in question, but Gwen let it pass unanswered.  They sat in silence for a little while, absorbing the warmth of what appeared to be the sun and enjoying the slight breeze that blew over them.  The Gwen turned to Reed with her own question.

“Why isn’t Randi here with us?”

“Because you didn’t bring her.”

“Excuse me?”

“Gwen, this safe place is in your mind.  She doesn’t know about it.  What were you doing when you found yourself here?

“Um... we had been talking about what she read, and then we just kinda... fell asleep?  I went searching for the warmth I could feel coming from outside myself. And when I opened my eyes again, I was here, and so were you.  But no Randi.”

“Tell you what... next time you go searching for warmth, bring her with you.  Let her know where you’re going and what you’re doing and bring her with you.  If she knows where you’re going, she’ll follow.”

“Ya think?”

“Yeah.  Now close your eyes and go back to her.  There is a lot more work to be done before we can all be done and go home.”

Gwen nodded and complied, closing her eyes and letting her heart guide her back to Randi.  “Home,” she murmured as she drifted off.  “I sure do like the sound of that.”

************ 

The sounds of the trickling stream and the feel of the breeze that caressed her skin drifted away as she opened her eyes in the darkness once more, but the warmth remained steady and constant.  Gwen lay still for long moments absorbing the sensations of having Randi wrapped around her.  She’d missed this so much – she just squeezed and held on tighter.

“I love you, too,” came the whispered words in her ear.  “Easy, though, love.  My chest is still pretty sore.”

Gwen gasped and would have pulled away had it not been for the strong arms that held her tightly in place.  “Sorry,” mumbled into Randi’s neck.  “I forgot.”

Randi smiled and kissed the blonde head.  “Don’t apologize.  It’s worth any amount of pain to have you here again.  I think it’s actually helping.”

Gwen raised her head slightly and met Randi’s eyes.  “Helping?  What do you mean?”

Randi shrugged.  “I can’t explain it, but having you here makes it feel better.   Dunno if it’s healing or whatever, but it doesn’t hurt as much.”

“Except when I squeeze too hard.”

“Except when Ares tries to roast me like a marshmallow.  You’re not big enough to squeeze too hard otherwise,” Randi teased with a smile, knowing it would get a rise out of Gwen and pull her out of the doldrums she seemed to be settling into.

Green eyes narrowed dangerously and Gwen leaned up on an elbow to catch a smirking expression cross Randi’s face.  “Was that a short joke, hmm?” she purred.  “Or maybe you think I’m a creampuff – I got muscles, ya know,” flexing an arm and watching the bicep obligingly bulge.  “See that??  That’s functional ya know... not just there for looks.”

Randi took Gwen’s words for an invitation and slowly tracked up their entwined bodies, lingering on each muscle group as her eyes touched them. A slow smile crept across her face as she watched the blush follow behind her gaze.

“I dunno,” she commented lazily.  “I kinda like what I’m seeing here.  It looks really good.”

Gwen glared at Randi, but the frank adoration she saw back of the gentle teasing melted any aggravation she felt and she snuggled back down into Randi’s arms, mindful of the warrior’s damaged chest.  “That’s not fair.”

Randi closed her eyes and relished the feeling of well-being. “What’s not, love?” she murmured in contentment.

“Taking away a really good mad like that.  Picking on me because I’m a short creampuff and then turning those beautiful eyes on me and... YIKES!”

Gwen felt herself lifted into the air above Randi’s torso then gently lowered onto the warrior’s chest despite the burns still highly evident there.  “My eyes are beautiful because they’re looking at you, Gwen.  They reflect you.  Now, you’re not short... you’re just the right height, see?  You fit perfectly right where you belong.  As for the creampuff comment, *I* never said you *were* a creampuff.  I simply said I liked the way you looked.”

“Good thing, that.  Would you like me if I was ugly?”

Randi wondered where the sudden bout of insecurity about her looks was coming from, but hastened to assure Gwen of a fundamental truth.  “Sweetheart, you would never, ever be ugly to me.  Because I know what is in your heart and your soul is a part of mine.  Those things make you beautiful to me above and beyond your outer good looks, though you are certainly no slouch in that department either.”

“Hey who’s the poet in this relationship?” the bard asked teasingly.  “You keep this up, I’m gonna have to go do something radical. Like become a bona fide Amazon or something.”

“You *are* an awesome Amazon, love.  You’re already kick ass with the staff.”

“You’re just trying to humor me.”

Now Randi’s voice grew serious.  “Not about this love.  That is a hard earned skill, and one that could save your life.”

“You really think so?  You think I’m that good?  Good enough to be an Amazon?”

“I know you are, and so do you.  You tried to kick my butt, remember?  Besides, you in leather?  Please... like I’m gonna try to dissuade you from letting me have that visual in the flesh?!  I am many things, but stupid is not tattooed on my forehead.”

Gwen chuckled, feeling better about herself than she had since they’d moved to the capital city.  “I love you.”

“I love you too, my bard.  I guess we need to get up and go to the next book, hmm?”

Gwen nodded underneath Randi’s chin.  “Yes.  I think I know what it’s gonna be about.”

“Oh?” after a moments silence.  “You wanna share?”

“I think it will be about what happened on our honeymoon.  I remember you losing consciousness then, and I think that has something to do with the times you close yourself off in here to purge your memories.  Let’s look, and then we can go to the safe room that Reed has prepared for us in my mind.  I think we could both use a little time in the light.”

“Can we do that?  I mean, can I cross into your mind like that?”

“Sure, why not?  I’m here in yours and I found the way alone. You just have to walk with me.”

Randi smiled, and though unseen, Gwen felt it clearly in the warrior’s voice.  “I’d like that.  I’ll walk with you anywhere, anytime.”  She gently urged Gwen up and followed her carefully until they were both sitting upright once more.  “Let me get the next volume, and we’ll see if you guessed right.”

She stepped down cautiously, mindful of the fact that the first book had fallen off her lap earlier.  Randi looked around thoroughly, finally spotting it face down on the floor, half-hidden in the darkness near the file cabinets.  She picked it up and flipped it over, intent on closing and locking it back to put away for safe keeping.  Then she froze.

The book no longer had a lock.  It no longer had writing.  Even as she held it in her hands, it lost its form and simply disintegrated, leaving not even a trail of ash in its wake to mark its passage.  Randi stood staring at her empty hands in disbelief until Gwen caught them in her own.  She looked up to find green eyes sparkling at her in sheer joy.

“This is wonderful, Randi.  You’ve faced it and come out on the other side.  You don’t need the book to hold and hide the memory for you any longer.  It’s yours now.”

Randi nodded slowly, realizing that what Gwen said was absolutely true.  She had claimed the memory back and it was now part and parcel of who she was.  She couldn’t give it back if she wanted to.  She could chose not to think about it, but it was still part of her psyche.  Hard as it had been to read about and accept her actions and the responsibility for them, it was oddly liberating, and she felt a lightening of a burden she hadn’t recognized that she carried until now.

Randi squeezed Gwen’s hand in affection, than released them and turned back to the cabinet, ready to retrieve the next volume for them to share together.

Part 3

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