Drifter – Part 7

By D

Chapter XIII

Donoma made it to the edge of the encampment without interference when her youngest older brother Kya caught up to her. He didn’t speak – words weren’t his forte. Instead, he caught the Appaloosa horse Donoma had nicknamed Dapples and held the mare steady while Donoma mounted. Then he handed her the things she was taking.

“Thank you, Kya. Are you going with me?”

“I can follow behind if it would ease your mind, ka’eskone.”

Donoma smiled and shook her head. She had such wonderful brothers, even if they had given her grief growing up. She appreciated their protectiveness a little more now – they never forgot Takoda’s directive to watch out for her, but they also remembered that she was an adult.

“I do not mind if you ride beside me, Kya. I only ask that when we reach our destination that you allow me the space and privacy I need to continue my search.”

Kya nodded and caught his own mount before jerking his head at her to lead the way. And the two of them headed out onto the vast prairie with Aucaman trailing far behind... just so he would know where to go searching for them when it came his time to protect his sister.

************

Before Takoda and Litonya could reach Odahingum’s fire, the chieftain was stepping into Koko’s home; Gaagii immediately emerged from the doorway and moved back to her own fire. Litonya broke off and headed towards Gaagii while Takoda moved on to stand in the doorway of Koko’s home. Odahingum stood in front of him and he stiffened until he recognized the presence at his back. But he did not turn around or acknowledge Takoda in any way. Instead, he kept his attention on the delirious warrior in front of him as Koko dumped her saddlebags as she tried to find her other set of clothing in an effort to dress herself.

“Koko Kanti, you are in no condition to leave!”

“Odahingum, I cannot remain here. I was never supposed to return,” she added more quietly, wincing as she slid her spare shirt over her shoulders. She buttoned the front slowly, breathing in and out in measured breaths, attempting to remain upright. She didn’t take notice of her nakedness, having long since outgrown any hint of modesty. All she knew at the moment was the physical pain of her injuries and the emotional devastation of being in this place... again.

Koko stretched carefully to reach her trousers, then took a deep breath before struggling to her feet. Neither man moved nor offered her assistance and Koko finally looked at Takoda. “Help me, please, Takoda. I cannot stay here,” she reiterated, gasping for breath.

Odahingum’s raised arm stopped Takoda’s progress even though the shaman had shown no intention of moving. “Perhaps I have not made myself perfectly clear, Koko Kanti. Aside from the wounds you bear that make leaving a physical impossibility for you at the moment - if you leave here without resolving your... misunderstandings... with Donoma Chepi, you will no longer be able to call this home. You will not be welcome among us.”

“I was not able to stay then and I am unable to remain now. Your words do not really make a difference to me. I simply want to gather my things and leave. At least things can settle back to normal with me gone again.”

“They have not been normal since you left!!” Takoda broke in. “You made a promise to her, Koko Kanti... swore an oath that you turned your back on! She was your warrior advisor and yet you simply left her with nothing... not even the courtesy of a note. If you leave again without a word to her, my sons and I will hunt you down. I am not asking for an explanation – that is not my place. But Donoma deserves better from you than a silent dismissal, even if it is just a goodbye!”

“You do not understand!” putting the pain of her choice in leaving Donoma those years before aside for the moment. It wasn’t something she wanted to discuss with either of them anyway. “This is not about what happened between Donoma Chepi and me five cycles ago. The men who did this to me will be looking for my body. Black was supposed to take me home, not bring me here. They will come here eventually if I do not leave soon and lead them away from here. My first responsibility to Donoma Chepi has always been to protect her. I cannot do that if I am here!”

“You cannot do that anyway – her hestatanemos protect her now. Besides, she is not here. She and Kya have gone out onto the plain so that she can finish the spirit quest your arrival interrupted. She does not feel that your return was the answer she was seeking.”

Koko flinched almost imperceptibly and held up her hands, not wanting to hear such a dismissal; she slowly sank to the ground again, covering herself to stave off the chills she felt skittering throughout her body. “That is not my affair, Takoda. My concern lies in protecting her and the tribe that took my Nahko’e and me in during our hour of need – People I was once able to call family. That right is gone now... I understand that. That lack does not negate the debt I have here.”

“What is your plan?”

“Plan?” Koko repeated dumbly. “I plan to leave and make sure the men that are looking for me find me... far away from this place.”

“And then?”

“And then it will not matter – Donoma and her People will be safe and my debt to them will have been paid in full.”

“NO!” Takoda roared though he barely had to raise his voice. His intensity was enough to keep her attention. “You will take a war party with you and they will destroy this threat to the People. Then you will return and make your peace with Donoma Chepi. Only then will your debt be paid in full. Otherwise, the warriors will dispose of this threat and your debt will continue to remain unpaid. And you will still face Donoma when she returns. I will not see her destroyed as she was when you left before, Koko Kanti. She would not survive the darkness that would follow.”

Odahingum watched in silence. Koko Kanti was the strongest warrior he had ever known and yet she had a single weakness - one that Takoda was currently exploiting. He could only hope that Koko would see reason, then breathed a sigh of relief when the dark head dropped and her shoulders slumped in defeat before she nodded once.

“Which is it to be, Koko Kanti?” Odahingum asked.

“I will lead the war party and then I will speak to Donoma Chepi before I take my leave from the People. And when I go, we will be considered even and I will not return again. Now since neither of you will assist me, I would ask that you wait outside until I am dressed. I would prefer for you to be witness to my humiliation no longer,” her fire gone... only grim determination left in its place.

“Let me call Litonya....”

“NO! Just leave me alone. Go gather the war party. I will be out when I am ready and we will leave. I have no desire to remain here longer than is necessary... and I am certain you feel the same. Now please go so I can do what must be done to prepare for the coming fight.”

They left, Takoda first without a backwards glance, then Odahingum. Just before he let the doorway fall closed behind him, he chanced a last glimpse of Koko Kanti and what he saw was heartbreaking. Her shoulders were stiff, her breathing carefully measured and her face devoid of any real expression. But he could see the trail of a single tear coursing down her face and wondered at the folly of youth. Surely Koko knew what needed to be done – why was she so resistant to it?

Then he shook his head and left her in solitude and silence.

Koko knew Odahingum was looking at her, and it took every last measure of restraint not to shout and curse at the man. But the situation she currently found herself in the middle of was no one's doing but her own and she was honorable enough to admit that. It didn't mean it hurt any less or make it any easier to have to reckon with, but then, she supposed... that was life.

Koko pushed the blanket away from her, wincing when the cold air hit her naked skin. She didn't think she had any fever or infection left, but even her skin hurt at this point. Still, she had a responsibility to fulfill and with much lip-biting and muffled groans, Koko Kanti finally managed to clothe herself and stand. She wished for some other type of clothing to wear – the white man's clothes were rough and abrasive, but they were all she had... she would make due. Koko moved slowly towards the pile of things she'd dumped from her saddle bags and reached beyond it for her guns.

Then she saw it and stopped cold – it was the carefully crafted chest protector she'd worn into every battle faithfully until the day she'd left the People to go live in the white man's world. She'd refused to desecrate it or what it meant to her by using it there. No one was worthy of such intimate knowledge, so she'd packed it carefully away and locked the memories away with it. She'd stood on her own two feet and until now, she'd been all right.

A soft knock on the flap brought Koko's head up and she glared before she heard Litonya's soft voice. "Koko Kanti, may I come in? I have something for you I think you will appreciate." She didn't want to... she really didn't. But her mother had raised her better and Koko knew in her heart that Litonya had a great deal to do with her being healed.

"Come," she beckoned and reached again for her guns. Her motion was brought up short by Litonya placing a hand on her arm.

"I saw the damage done to you, Koko Kanti; I know how badly you hurt. Here," she added, extending her other hand and offering Koko a set of soft leathers. "These were to be yours anyway. Your mother began them and Donoma was working on completing them when you left." She cleared her throat awkwardly. "She finished them just before her sixteenth cycle. But you never came home for her to give them to you. I think it is time they were yours."

Koko accepted them hesitantly, holding up the shirt. She gasped at the intricate beadwork that covered it – this had been a shirt for celebration... the birth of a child, becoming a warrior, or a joining, her mind supplied.

"I cannot accept these, Litonya," with regret in her voice and eyes. "These were meant for happiness and joy... for a warrior that no longer exists. I will not defile their meaning by wearing them into battle with scum such as these men. They do not deserve to look upon such. And I cannot wear them anyway. As Takoda so rightly pointed out – I am the one who walked away. You should no longer have such consideration for me."

"This is as much about Donoma as it is about you, Koko. She and Rachel created these for you... they do nothing for anyone else." She dropped the pants on the floor with a curl in her lip to show her disdain. "Do with them what you will, Koko Kanti. That does seem to be what you are best at. Maybe one day you will wake up and realize that you are deliberately throwing away the Great Spirit's most precious gift."

Litonya turned and stalked from Koko's home without a backwards glance, her shoulders stiff and unyielding in her anger. Koko watched her go, then with a groan she slipped back to her knees slowly. She carefully took the leather and folded it neatly, sighing with regret at missed opportunities. Then Koko tucked it into the bottom of a saddlebag and reached for her gun belt.

She grunted as she stood up, breathing deeply, willing away the pain she felt in her body and in her soul. Another knock on the door made her growl – surely Odahingum and Takoda had understood her request for privacy. Angry that they were knowingly ignoring her appeal to their honor, Koko strode to the flap and thrust it aside... only to find Honaw staring back at her with wide, understanding eyes. The fury in hers died and she stepped back, allowing him admittance into her home. Then she turned back to her saddlebags and eased down to complete her repacking.

Honaw didn't speak... not yet – his presence was enough. He knew Koko would speak when she was ready; his only fear was that she wouldn't.

There seemed to be a method to her madness and Koko picked and chose items with deliberate care before placing them in one bag or another. Honaw watched as she slowed and caressed the more personal items – things that evidently meant a lot to her. But when she reached for the chest protector with trembling hands, Honaw finally stepped forward.

"This is not for putting away, Koko Kanti. The time has come for you to reclaim your place in this tribe and in Donoma Chepi's life. Nothing will proclaim your return home more decisively than for you to resume your role of her protector."

Koko crumpled it and stuffed the beadwork chest guard thoughtlessly into the top of the bag, then stood to face him with a pained rage in her eyes. "It has been made clear to me that is no longer my place, Honaw – that my services are neither required nor wanted. I agreed to lead the warriors to destroy the threat I inadvertently brought to the People I was once able to call family. I will then say goodbye to Donoma Chepi before I take my leave from this place for good."

"Why, Koko Kanti??? Surely you know...."

"I know that I will not stand between Donoma and her destiny, Honaw, but I cannot stay and watch that destiny play out. That is more than I can bear!"

Honaw scrunched his eyebrows in frowning thought. Certainly Koko was not that dense. "Koko, what are you talking about?? You *are* that destiny. You have to know that!"

"I am not going to discuss this with you, Honaw. Donoma Chepi has so much love to give – I will not keep her from finding the happiness she deserves to have because of the misplaced loyalty and promises of a child!" She snatched up the bags and gasped as pain ripped through her belly at the action. Honaw moved swiftly and gripped her by the upper arms, holding her upright until she was stable enough to shake off his grasp. He shook her just slightly to get her attention, then he removed the saddlebags from her hands.

"Koko, you trusted me once."

She closed her eyes. "I trusted you always, Honaw – to guard my back when we were warriors together and to protect my ka'eskone when I could no longer do so."

"Then trust me now, sister of my heart. Donoma's happiness lies with you. You did not see the devastation you wrought on her sensitive soul with your leaving, nor did you have to face the darkness that was left behind in her heart. If you leave again... even if you say goodbye, you will destroy her."

"And what makes you think she still needs me, Honaw – that she still wants me to walk beside her? I saw the look on her face – she hates me."

"No, Koko... she is angry – very, very angry, but she has never, ever hated you. It would have been easier for her if she had. At least then she would have moved past you and gotten on with her life."

"She never... not with anyone?"

"No, Koko... she never – not that there have not been plenty of offers. She has always refused to consider any other possibilities and Takoda is content to allow her to make her own decisions in the matter. Perhaps it is time that you do the same."

Koko didn't move a muscle, but the defeat was apparent in every line of her body. Honaw took that as his sign and knelt to dig the chest protector from the bag she had shoved it in. He straightened it with the flick of his wrist, then slid it over her head. Koko didn't resist when he lifted her arms to secure it on either side. When he was done, he stepped back from her and gazed into her eyes, suddenly filled with new purpose.

"You look much as I remember, Koko Kanti."

"I am not, Honaw. I have changed much in the time I have been away from the People. But I will not let harm come to those I once called family. Come," she commanded naturally. "We need to go."

Without direction, Honaw lifted the saddle from the ground, glad Aucaman had cleaned the blood from it. Koko clenched her jaw, but allowed him to help her, knowing there was no way she could manage the heavy thing with her injuries. Then she pushed the doorway aside and gave a loud, piercing whistle. It served to draw all eyes in the camp to her, but that was not her concern. The big black came running, stopping and rearing only when he was within a hairsbreadth of Koko.

She let him dance a moment, then reached for his mane. Black nudged her playfully, then settled down to await her bidding. She motioned to Honaw, who placed the saddle on the horse's back and strapped the girth around him. Then he flipped the saddlebags over the strong back and waited for further instruction.

Koko tapped the big black's shoulder and he knelt, allowing her to climb aboard with relative ease. Honaw stood back and let her go, knowing she had to be strong in front of the warriors she was expected to lead. Another tap and Black rose to his feet and the entire encampment watched in silence. Then Keez rode forward on his pony, negligently aiming his bow in her direction.

"Who are you... and what gives you the right to lead – the right to wear such armor?"

"I owe you no explanation, Keezheekoni. I am here to defend the People I swore allegiance to... to protect them from an evil I unwittingly brought to them. Now either stand beside me or stand behind me, but get out of my way. I have a debt to pay."

"And the armor?"

"Is none of your business," Koko flared.

"You dare??" he asked with a raised eyebrow as he cocked the bow.

"Try me," she insisted. "I have nothing left to lose."

"Very well, but when we return victorious...."

"It will still be none of your business. Now it is time to ride and find the men that threaten your wives and children... that threaten your homes and your way of life. Who rides with me?" Koko asked in a loud voice.

The warriors cheered and without another word she headed out in the direction Donoma had gone not very long before. The rest followed closely, Honaw at her right side as he had always been. Only Keez lagged behind, shrugging his shoulders at his father. He had done what he could but they were no closer to knowing Koko's intentions than before. Odahingum nodded and Keezheekoni urged his horse forward, not wanting to miss a minute of Koko Kanti's triumphant return.

The rest would wait until their victory was secure.

Chapter XIV

Donoma reached the place where she had been on her quest nights before. She sat still on Dapples and closed her eyes, breathing in what should have been peace. But something disturbed the tranquility of the place and her brow furrowed. So instead of stopping, they pushed on to a semi-hidden dell that held very mixed memories for her.

When Kya recognized where they were headed, he placed his hand on her arm, causing her to stop and look back at him. "I know where you are going, ka'eskone. Let me ride ahead and make sure it is safe. Something is out of place and I will not be responsible for it hurting you. Once I am certain everything is as it should be, I will take my place here to watch."

Donoma nodded her agreement, knowing Kya was here at Takoda's bidding and admitting to herself that something was not right. Whether or not it was her or her surroundings remained to be seen, but if Kya felt it enough to be concerned, she would allow him to take precautions.

So she closed her eyes and extended her senses while Kya rode ahead to check the little glade itself. In a few moments he returned, satisfied there was nothing hidden in the tiny space other than what naturally belonged there. Then he turned his horse out towards the plain to watch for trouble while Donoma slid from her mare and walked down the slight decline and out of sight.

She spread the blanket she had brought with her and then collected chips for a fire, clearing bits of grass from the obvious fire pit. Then she started a fire and closed her eyes, hoping to clear her mind. It had been a very hard and emotional few days and she needed to find her balance again.

How long she sat there she couldn't have honestly said. But she knew when she opened her eyes that it had been a while. Darkness had fallen at some point as the sun was rising again, but more than that, something had changed. Something was not as it had been when she started her meditation.

Donoma listened carefully – she heard the whisper of the wind, the ripple of the water that trickled along beside her, the snap of the fire and the crunch of horses chomping the grasses around them. She heard them, then let them move past her, knowing there was more. Then she heard it – the sound of breathing and a heartbeat she knew as well as her own.

She turned... and found Koko Kanti kneeling stoically at the edge of the small hill. She bit her lip, resolved to ignore the warrior, despite the chest armor she wore that indicated her status in Donoma's life. Then she realized Koko was bleeding and huffed - still angry beyond words, but unable and unwilling to let her suffer when she was able to heal the wounds she could see.

Wounds? She wondered, noting they were fresh – some in places they had not been before. What in the Great Spirit's name had gone on here? Surely the warriors of the tribe had not challenged Koko to battle?! They knew better....

Then Donoma rose from her blanket and walked swiftly towards Koko, watching as the other woman tracked her movement but made no effort to rise or greet her.

"What happened?" she asked without prelude. Koko dropped her eyes and focused on the ground - something she had never done before with anyone... especially not Donoma Chepi. But there was no way for her to look into those green eyes and say goodbye.

"It does not matter; I came only to say goodbye to you, Donoma Chepi. I cannot stay here any longer."

Donoma felt her heart break all over again, just as it had five cycles before when the woman before her had simply disappeared. She walked up the hill and saw Kya was gone, then she returned to stand beside Koko. "You swore to protect me as long as the armor I gave you protected you in battle. If your word means anything, you must remain until I am ready to return to the tribe."

Koko shook her head. She tried to send Kya away, wondering if Donoma would allow her the privilege of chosen warrior once more. She did not realize he only went far enough to collect Donoma’s medical kit after having witnessed the obvious injuries on Koko’s body. Despite her insistence, there was really nowhere she wanted to be than beside her ka'eskone again. This was her first effort to do as Honaw suggested and see where Donoma's choice in the matter might lie.

"When I swore to protect you, there were no conditions. I will remain until you are ready to leave."

Donoma nodded – not that Koko could see the action. Her gaze remained locked on the hands that rested on her knees. Donoma stepped closer and gently cupped the bruised face, the action distinctly different from the harshness in her voice and the fire in her eyes. "We may be here a while," she insisted. "We will not go back until I know why you left... and why you returned. But first, we need to care for your injuries again. Now tell me what happened to undo all the healing I have already done."

Koko didn't move or speak, content to absorb the look and touch she had not felt upon her in far too long. Then without warning she was up and moving, pushing Donoma behind her and moving up the hill with the grace of a panther before Donoma could question her actions. Then Kya was standing in front of them, held by the throat until Donoma made it up the slight incline to convince Koko to release him.

"It is all right, Koko Kanti. This is my hestatanemo Kya... you remember Kya."

Koko nodded but frowned. "He was sneaking."

"He did not want to disturb my meditations. He brought supplies so I can heal you, but you need to let him go first. He will not hurt us, Koko. He simply wants to drop the bundle he brought and be on his way," Donoma assured her with a pointed look in Kya's direction; he caught her expression and nodded solemnly. Then he offered Koko the bundle he still held.

She dropped her hand from his throat and accepted the cache he offered, checking it carefully before handing it to Donoma. At her nod, Kya turned and left again, content to return to his watch post outside the tiny dell until Donoma dismissed him. He didn't honestly think Koko would endanger his sister, but he had promised Takoda to keep watch.

"Come," Donoma commanded, extending her hand. "Let me repair the damage that has been done to you while you explain to me how it occurred." Koko shook her head and would have returned to her place at the edge of the glade had Donoma not drawn her up short with a firm grasp on the chest plate. Koko could have easily escaped the hold, but not without hurting Donoma or destroying the armor, so she froze in place and waited.

"Look at me, Koko Kanti." Then Donoma waited until blue eyes slowly tracked to green. "Let me make something perfectly clear to you, warrior." Koko blinked but didn't remove her eyes from Donoma's. "I am still very, VERY angry with you... furious in fact. I do not know if I will ever get past that – it has been stirring in me for a long, long time. But regardless, I am a grown woman now... not some child you need to dissimilate the truth for. From now on, when I ask you a question, I expect you to answer me honestly – not evade replying or remaining silent. I am making the choices for me now, not you. Do we understand one another clearly?"

"Yes, ka'eskone."

Donoma drew in her breath sharply at the familiar address – it had always been like a warm blanket being wrapped around her heart when Koko had called her such. She peered at Koko, but found she was staring at the top of the dark head. "Koko," she said softly, drawing her head up so their eyes met once more. "I am angry, but I do not hate you. I could never hate you. Please stop looking away from me."

"Ka'eskone, I am only showing you the respect due you as a woman from a warrior. It is not my place to presume that you would welcome that kind of attention from me."

Donoma was genuinely ready to scream in frustration. "Regardless of your status as a warrior, Koko Kanti, we are both still women and we did grow up together as best friends. Despite our situation now, formality at this point seems a little bit extreme, do you not think?"

"Nevertheless," Koko insisted, "it is not my place to assume."

Donoma's eyes grew cold. "Very well... I will not force you to look upon that which drove you from the People. Now sit and allow me to care for your injuries."

Koko reached out to Donoma, but Donoma deliberately moved away from her touch. Koko let her hand fall and dropped gracelessly to the ground beside but not on Donoma's blanket. She winced in agony as the old wound complained even louder than the new and she hoped dearly that she had not ripped out the stitching in her side.

She untied the leather strips that bound the armor together on either side and eased the beadwork gently over her head. She placed it carefully beside her and turned her attention to unbuttoning her shirt while Donoma scooped a bit of creek water into her small pot and put it in the fire to heat rapidly. When she turned back to Koko, she gasped at the sight that met her eyes.

Koko's side was bleeding again and she had several lacerations on her arms and one very ugly cut on her neck. There were also a few more bruises forming that were side by side with the older green ones and what appeared to be a gash on her upper thigh, though with the dark cloth trousers on, it was hard to be certain.

"Lay down on your back, please," Donoma requested in a cool, civil tone. "I need to repair the damage that was done to your original injury before I turn my attention to the rest."

Koko moved without protest and lay down, shifting her arm out of the way so Donoma could work. The seer's touch was light and impersonal and still the goosebumps rose up all over Koko's body. She cleared her throat awkwardly.

"We went out to defend the tribe against a band of outlaws I inadvertently led here." She winced when Donoma pushed on the open wound.

"I am sorry, Koko, but it must be done to ensure we do not reintroduce infection into the area."

"I know," Koko admitted. "It is simply another pain I need to deal with." Then without missing a beat, she continued. "I had been chasing the gang leader, but he made it to his hideout where he and his men arranged an ambush for me. I was not supposed to live, but I escaped and I was supposed to be headed to my home. Instead, when I said 'home', Black brought me here."

There was no comment from Donoma except for her urging Koko to sit so she could tie off a bandage around the hole. Having Koko awake and alert while she was naked was a much different prospect for Donoma and she was working very hard to stay focused.

"Thank you for caring for me, ka'eskone."

"Please do not call me that," Donoma said softly. "It should mean something coming from you, and knowing it does not is hurtful for me."

"It means everything to me, ka'eskone. Just as you still do."

Donoma clenched her hands tightly together until her nails were cutting into the palms of her fists. She finished her wrapping and realized that she would not have enough bandage to wrap the others. But, she acknowledged silently to herself, I can at least clean them.

She took up her cloth once more started wiping the smallest cut first, wanting to make sure they were clear and free of dirt and debris. She remained intently alert to everything about Koko, but she didn't speak... she couldn't. She was not going to give up five cycles of anger and betrayal simply because Koko was home and speaking to her as though nothing had changed. *Everything* had changed and Koko was going to have to earn her place back in Donoma's heart and soul if that is truly where the warrior belonged and wanted to be.

Koko sighed, but she was beginning to see the course of action she would need to take. She proceeded to share her story. "I had managed to kill several of them and wound the rest, but not enough to stop them... only enough to slow them down. They had to stop and tend to their wounds before they could finish me off and I used the time to escape."

"When Black brought me here, it actually bought me a little time as they headed in the wrong direction for almost two days before they realized I was not where they thought I would be. That gave me time to heal enough to lead the warriors of the People into battle against them and defeat them soundly." A beat. "That is where all the blood and bruises are from."

Donoma nodded and kept her attention on what she was doing. When she was done with her torso, Donoma directed Koko to remove the trousers she wore. She kept her focus on the deep gash, wincing at the pain she knew Koko must be feeling, but the warrior had steeled herself against Donoma's touch and didn't flinch when she started cleaning the wound. Koko put a hand on Donoma's before she could wrap it, causing Donoma to jerk her hand away and Koko to shake her head.

"No, ka'eskone. I want to rid myself of the remainder of the battle. Let me wash away the dirt and grime – then you can decide if a bandage is still warranted." Donoma nodded curtly and moved away from Koko to start her own morning ablutions with the last bit of warm water. She deliberately ignored Koko, choosing instead to focus her thoughts on what she had been told.

She never intended to be here – her returning home to me... to the *People*... was nothing but a mistake, Donoma realized sadly. She never planned to come back and is going to leave as soon as she is well enough to travel away from here.

Donoma finished washing her face and straightening her hair, then moved back to her blanket to sit. All of the peace and tranquility she had achieved in her meditation the night before was gone, and left in its wake was heartache and confusion. Her shoulders slumped momentarily, then she deliberately straightened them and closed her eyes. She didn't even notice when Koko Kanti emerged from the creek and paused beside her before moving back to the guardian position she had been in.

Koko dried off as well as she could with her clothing, then searched through her bags for a suitable bandage to tie off her leg. When she came across the leathers Litonya had given her, she hesitated, then slid into them carefully. If she was going to lose Donoma for good, it would be because that is what Donoma chose and not what she herself had forced on them this time.

The leathers were soft and comfortable and felt like home in a way white man's clothing never could. It didn't hurt that they were warm as well, cutting the cool spring wind and creating a barrier Koko could appreciate. Satisfied she had done all she could at the moment, Koko resumed her place on her blanket and kept watch while Donoma continued on her spirit quest, putting the pain of her injuries to one side and forcing herself to stillness so she could listen as she hadn't since she'd left.

Once it was silent, she heard the Great Spirit's voice inside her head as clearly as if he had been sitting beside her. Koko knew if she closed her eyes, she would find the spirit of her father next to her. To his daughter, Honiahaka was the embodiment of spiritual guidance. It had always been so... even before he died. That conviction only became stronger after his death.

"What do you seek, my nahtona?" the warrior asked Koko as she sat in silence watching Donoma Chepi struggle for answers. "Why have you come to this place?"

"I seek nothing, Neho'e. I am here simply to fulfill a promise to my warrior advisor and her People. When this task is complete, I will leave if that is what my ka'eskone desires."

"That may be the truth, Koko Kanti, but it is not the entire truth; do not delude yourself into thinking it is. What do you seek, nahtona? What is it that *you* desire?"

"I wish to mate with Donoma Chepi, Neho'e, but that choice is no longer mine to make."

"Then perhaps you need to show her your desire, nahtona. She believes you left because you could no longer abide her presence. It was the only conclusion she could make given the facts she had in hand. You are going to have to rebuild her trust in you – begin again as if everything was new once more."

"And if she still does not accept that I want to bond with her as a mate?"

"Then you will be no worse off than you are now, and you can return to the life you have created for yourself in the white man's world. You have nothing to lose, Koko Kanti... and everything to gain." Honiahaka paused a moment and let his gaze follow Koko's to the visage in front of them. "She is a beautiful young woman, nahtona, and a most desirable choice as a lifebonded companion. Do not let your pride keep you from pursuing her if it would bring you happiness."

"It must make her happy as well," Koko insisted. "And I am not sure my presence does that any longer. Besides, I must return to the world of outlaws and bounty hunters soon. I have work that must be tended to. I do not think Donoma would be so willing to follow me there."

Without warning, Honiahaka became visible to Koko and his brown eyes burn red fire. "You said it was her choice, Koko Kanti! How can she make a choice if you do not give her the option to choose?!"

"Neho'e...."

"NO, Koko Kanti!! This is about you and your honor, but there is more to it than that and you know it. Why are you so afraid to be happy?"

Blue eyes stared at Honiahaka sullenly for a long moment before Koko dropped her gaze to the ground and shrugged. Then her father grasped her chin firmly and brought Koko's eyes up to meet his. "No, nahtona. I raised you better than this. I taught you to stand up and fight for what you believe in. Now either you tell Donoma the truth and let her choose, or you tell Donoma the truth and claim her. Either way, the time has come for you to make the truth of your feelings known to her. Stop cowering in fear over what might happen and take the chance to live a little. You might find happiness." He blew out a frustrated breath. "Nahtona... give her the choice."

Koko's shoulders sagged but she finally nodded her agreement. "I will do as you say, Neho'e."

He patted her knee. "That is my nahtona. Thank you, Koko. You will see that I am right." He rose from his place beside her and she reached out and caught his hand.

"Can you not remain a little while, Neho'e? I have missed you and your guidance so much."

Honiahaka covered her hand with his and squeezed it gently. "I am never far away, nahtona, and I always hear when you speak to me. But I must return to the land of my fathers – your Nahko'e is waiting for my arrival. However, if you need me, I will visit you again." He paused and then smiled at her. "You and Donoma Chepi have our blessing, Koko Kanti."

"Thank you, Neho'e. Tell Nahko'e...."

"She knows, nahtona, as do I. Be happy, Koko Kanti. You deserve that."

"I will try, Neho'e. I give you my word as a warrior." Honiahaka brushed a kiss over her bowed head and when Koko finally looked up, he was gone.

Part 8

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