Disclaimer: The characters in the story belong to NBC Television, Dick Wolf and whoever else has a vested interest in Law & Order: Special Victims Unit.  No money is being made from this and no copyright infringement is intended.

Thanks: To my beta readers Phil, Mac and Jeanne.  Their diligence made this a much more pleasant story for everyone to read.  They picked up all the missing letters and words I dropped since Pink & Fluffy the brain cells continually outdistanced Pink & Fluffy the typing fingers.  I appreciate it. :-)

And to SueG who continually answered questions about New York City and the Hamptons – thanks, hon.

Author’s Notes: This fic is a continuation of my first Law & Order: SVU fan fiction, Until the revised version.  You might want to read that one first; s’up to you.  It fills in the plot holes left by SVU/Conviction and will give you a little background for this one.  This story will not follow cannon of either season seven (and beyond) of SVU or the short-lived season of Conviction.  Considering what they did to Alex Cabot’s character on that show, it’s probably a good thing.

Song note: Though credit in the story is given to Alex, words and music to the first song used belong to Richard Marx – the second belongs to Josh Groban.  No copyright infringement is intended.

The Storyteller’s Cardinal Rule is in effect.


                                                      Live Like You Were Dying
                                                                                                            By D



Prologue

“What you and I have... what I want us to have together... is intensely personal.  You have always been part of my life, Liv - even when we were fighting; even when we were just friends.  And there will always be a place for you in my life.”  Alex paused and took a deep breath.  “Being separated from you gave me plenty of time to realize the truth and my priorities have changed.  More than anything I want you and me to be an us... forever.  I dreamed about it.  I want you in my life and I want to be part of yours... for as long as you can stand it.”

“Forever,” came Olivia’s answer without hesitation.  Soft lips met hers and Olivia sighed, moaning into the kiss when Alex asked for permission to deepen it.  Olivia opened her mouth in surrender, then immediately allowed her tongue to battle Alex’s for dominance, reacquainting herself with tastes and textures and emotions she thought she’d lost forever.  Only when they could no longer breathe did they separate and then only enough to allow them to continue to breathe one another’s air.

"I love you, Olivia Benson.  I want to stay like this with you forever."

Olivia pulled Alex into her again, capturing her lips passionately and allowing her hands to wander over Alex’s toned body, promising with her lips and touch things she wasn’t able to put into words... yet.


Chapter I

Olivia tasted Alex’s tears before she felt her sobs and Olivia broke their kiss to cradle Alex to her gently as the storm broke.  “You okay, Sweetheart?” after a while, letting Alex pull back slightly and brushing the blonde hair from her forehead with slightly shaking hands.  Alex smiled tremulously at the endearment and shook her head, keeping her eyes on her hands that were tracing idle patterns on Olivia’s belly.

“Not really... it’s just – it’s too much.  Being here again... with you – knowing there’s a chance for us....  It’s like I’m on overload.  I’ve thought about this... dreamed about it, and to have it finally be possible and right within my grasp, it’s almost more than I can stand.”

Olivia waited, sensing Alex’s need to finally let loose some of the control she had maintained for the nearly three years she had been gone and the three months she had been free from Velez and yet not free at all.  Everyone had a breaking point, and Olivia figured that with the pushing she’d done today coupled with everything else, Alex was probably very close to hers.

Alex caught the compassion in Olivia’s gaze and bit her bottom lip, looking away before more tears fell from her blue eyes.  She felt Olivia’s fingers under her chin but resisted the pull.  Her control was hanging by a thread; accepting any sort of sympathy at this point, especially from Olivia, would release that final sliver of control she’d held onto for years.  And Alex wasn’t sure there would be anything left of her to survive if she gave in to the little voice that was urging her to give up that final vestige of control.

“Alex, Sweetheart... please - look at me.”  A beat.  “Please.”

Alex could no more resist the pleading in that soft voice than she could stop breathing – not having waited three years to hear it outside her dreams.  Especially since Olivia’s voice had been the first thing about the detective Alex had fallen in love with.  Alex looked up, nearly undone by the love shining so brightly out of the brown eyes gazing back at her.  She started to drop her eyes, unwilling to cry in front of Olivia any longer.

Olivia tenderly cupped Alex’s face, gently but firmly guiding her face back up until their eyes met.  “No, Alex.  No more hiding – not from yourself and not from me.  Shh... listen to me, Sweetheart,” stopping Alex from interrupting.  “I know you think you have to be strong all the time.  You were like that before you left and I’ll bet that was the only way you survived while you were gone, wasn’t it?  Hmm?  The only person you knew you could depend on was yourself, wasn’t it?”  Alex nodded.  “Sweetheart, you don’t have to do that anymore, all right?  I’m here; you can let your guard down and depend on me.  Alex, you’re gonna have to trust me if we’re gonna make a real go of this together.”

Alex covered Olivia’s hands with her own.  “It works both ways, Liv.”

Olivia smiled crookedly.  “I know, Alex.  I meant what I said before; I’m willing to try if you are.”

Alex slid her hands up Olivia’s arms until she could lock her hands behind Liv’s neck and wind them into hair much longer than she’d ever seen the detective wear.  They would talk about that eventually too, but they had a lot more important things to cover before they talked about that.  “I meant what I said too, Sweetheart.  I need you in my life, but you’re going to have to be patient with me.  It will take a little time to change a lifetime’s worth of behavior.”

“We’ll work on it together, Love.  It won’t be easy – we’re both too strong-willed and stubborn for it to be easy.  But we can’t lose if we work through everything together.” This time Alex smiled and Olivia let one fingertip trace the smoothness of Alex’s lips.  “You’re very beautiful when you smile, Alex.  Well,” she added shyly, ducking her head and peering into blue eyes through thick lashes, “actually you’re beautiful all the time – just especially when you smile.”

Olivia’s confession caused Alex’s smile to swell to a grin.  “Flattery, Detective?”  It felt so damned amazing to feel again, particularly good emotions like love and happiness and hope. Alex realized suddenly that Olivia had always made her feel such things.  It was so much nicer than the fear and despair that had been her only, constant companions for three years.

“Truth, Counselor.  The first of many in our new life together.”  Olivia might have said more, but Alex captured her lips in a passionate embrace, and Olivia held on while Alex possessed her.  When Alex pulled back slightly to catch her breath in a heaving gasp, Olivia returned the favor wholeheartedly, claiming Alex as thoroughly as she had been claimed.  Finally she dragged her mouth away, only to move it to Alex’s ear.  Olivia nipped lightly, smiling when Alex shivered and tipped her head to one side to give her better access; them she breathed softly, “I love you, Alexandra Cabot... welcome home.”

“I love you, Olivia Benson.  I can’t tell you how incredible it is to be here.”

“You don’t have to, Sweetheart.  I can feel it here,” covering her own heart.  “It’s like, for the first time in my life....”

“... we’re whole.”

Olivia’s eyes widened and she realized the truth of Alex’s words in her heart and soul.  A glance into Alex’s eyes showed Olivia that Alex had recognized the truth as well, and welcome as the revelation was, it was overwhelming with everything else that had happened that day.

“Alex, did you bring any babysitters with you?”  At Alex’s blank look, Olivia continued.  “The nice police officers who brought you to the bar?”

“Oh... no,” blinking her eyes and shaking her head as a wave of exhaustion rolled over her.  “They were simply to ensure you came back here with me peacefully.”

Olivia nodded and stood slowly, making sure her feet were under her before extending a hand to Alex.  “C’mon, then.  I’m exhausted and so are you.  We’ve still got a lot more to talk about, but I don’t think we’re gonna make any more progress tonight, and I want to hold you while we sleep... if that’s all right.”

“That’s the best idea I’ve heard in a very long time, Detective.  This is the first night of the rest of our lives together, and I want to spend it in your arms.”

************

It was a combination of things that brought Olivia from sleeping to waking – the unaccustomed warmth surrounding her, the dead weight across half her body pinning her to the bed, the sunlight streaming through the blinds right into her eyes.  She frowned and scrunched her eyes closed again immediately, until the warmth in her arms shifted and one hand started drawing lazy circles on her belly.

Olivia opened one eye and looked down, meeting Alex’s subdued blue ones.  Then she blinked both of them opened and smiled indulgently at Alex.  Alex’s expression instantly shifted into one of shy wonder and Olivia shifted enough to cup her face, running a thumb over Alex’s cheekbone.

“Good morning,” she whispered.

“This is real, right?  I’m really here with you, in your bed – not just dreaming?”

The question was heartbreaking from someone who never before shown so much vulnerability to anyone – not even Olivia - and it tugged at Olivia’s heartstrings.  So for answer, Olivia shifted them until Alex lay flat on her back cradled by Olivia’s body and held in Olivia’s arms.  With one hand, she traced Alex’s face, watching as the blue eyes fluttered closed under her touch.  “Look at me, Alex.  Open your eyes, Sweetheart.”  Slowly, Alex let her eyes slide open, focusing on the warm brown ones that gazed down at her, so full of love that she was compelled to lift a hand to cup Olivia’s cheek.  Olivia brushed a kiss over Alex’s palm and grinned when Alex’s lips reflexively creased into a gentle smile.  “Yes, Alex... you’re really here - with me, in my bed, in Manhattan.”

“This is amazing,” Alex said softly, allowing her thumb to rub Olivia’s cheekbone gently. 

“Yes, it is.”  She ducked her head and captured Alex’s lips for a long moment, smiling into the kiss when Alex threaded her hands into Olivia’s hair and tugged her closer.  Finally, a lack of air forced them to separate and Olivia sighed in contentment.  “God, I love kissing you.  And I hate to stop and be the one to reintroduce reality here, but don’t you have to go to work today?”

“No.  After you um... left yesterday, Arthur came down and told me to take a couple days to get my personal affairs settled.”

Olivia winced.  “Sorry, Alex.  I didn’t think about how that would put you on the spot.”  She snorted.  “I didn’t think about much at all, actually.  I was too busy feeling angry.”  This got a genuine full-fledged smile from Alex and Olivia’s brow creased.  “Alex, why are you smiling?”

“I love your passion, Liv, even when it causes us to butt heads.”

Olivia laughed.  “I guess we all have our own forms of foreplay.”

“Yeah,” Alex said, her smile turning melancholy.  “But before we can move past that, I think we need to finish that talk we started last night.”

Olivia nodded her agreement.  Despite what she felt for Alex, and what she believed Alex felt for her, there were still a lot of issues between them that needed to be talked about to be settled.  This was too important to both of them to screw up by ignoring it, hoping sex would make everything all right.  They were smarter than that.

“I’ll go start the coffee.  Why don’t you hop in the shower and... what?” when Alex started shaking her head.

“I’ll start the coffee.  I don’t have anything clean to put on.  Maybe we could go out, and I could stop by my hotel?”

Olivia nodded.  “’Kay.  I won’t be but a couple minutes.  We can pick up coffee on the corner if you want.  They’ve got some great pastries there as well.”

Alex smiled.  “Sure.  I’ve missed all the neighborhood mom and pop places New York is famous for.”

Olivia cocked an eyebrow.  “Hold that thought, will ya?  I have a feeling it is the beginning of really long conversation, and I wanna get out of here first.”  Then she slipped into the bathroom and started the water running.

Alex looked down at her wrinkled clothes and shrugged.  There wasn’t much she could do about it until they got back to her hotel and she could change clothes.  She made up the bed, then jumped when the phone rang loudly beside her hip.  Two rings and the answering machine picked up.

“Liv, pick up the phone.  I already called your cell and left a message, and if I don’t hear from you in the next five minutes, I’ll put out an APB on you.  So pick up.”

“Elliot?”

“Alex?”  Alex smiled; she could hear his eyebrows shoot up into his hairline.  “Um... everything all right?”  Truth was, Elliot wasn’t sure what to say after what he had witnessed yesterday.

“Yes, Detective.  Everything is fine.  Detective Benson is in the shower and can’t take your call at the moment.  Would you like me to have her call you when she gets out?”

“Um, no; just tell her I called.”

“I will.  Thanks, Elliot,” the last added so quietly he nearly missed it.

“For what, Alex?”

“Caring,” after a moment’s pause.  “I’m glad she had you while....”

“Yeah – just make sure you don’t hurt her anymore, Alex.  She won’t survive.”

“Neither would I.  Um... the water just went off.  You want to hang on a minute?”

“No; tell her I called and that the cap approved her two days emergency leave.  Maybe we could all get together later for lunch or something.”

“I’ll tell her and have her call you.”

“Thanks.”

“Hey,” Olivia called from the doorway where she was towel drying her hair.  “You missed me so much you were talking to yourself?”

“Well, I did miss you; apparently I wasn’t the only one.”  Olivia tilted her head in question, pushing off the doorjamb and crossing the room to the bureau.  She dropped the towel wrapped around her body and Alex watched her unabashedly, admiring the smooth play of muscles that rippled with every movement.  She had to clear her throat to speak again and Olivia smirked as she continued dressing.

“Elliot called.  He was just checking to make sure you were okay and to let you know that Don approved two days of emergency leave for you.  He suggested lunch later.” Olivia stepped into the walk-in closet and threw on a pair of old, comfortable jeans and a soft t-shirt.  Then she sat next to Alex on the bed and puller her boots on.

“Do you want to?  Have lunch with Elliot, I mean?”  Alex shrugged, her eyes following Olivia as she went back to the bathroom to pin her hair up.  Then she shook her head at the unreality that caused her to feel.  “What?” Olivia questioned as she caught Alex shaking her head.  “You don’t want to have lunch with Elliot?”

“We can,” Alex confirmed as she got up and walked out of the bedroom after Olivia.  “I think it depends on how things go for us today.”

“You don’t think we can work things out between us?”

“I think it may take us longer than until lunch.  Remember that strong-willed, stubborn head-butting thing we have going on?”

“Yeah,” Liv said with a crooked smile. “But I also remember this,” kissing Alex hard and fast.  “And I think that us together is stronger than anything either of us can say or do apart.”

Alex blinked while Olivia opened the door and ushered her out into the hallway.  “Wow,” she finally breathed when the door closed behind them. “When did you become such a romantic?”

Olivia ducked her head and blushed faintly.  “What can I say?  You bring out all sorts of things in me.”

“Oh, do tell, Detective.  I think I could find that interesting.”

Olivia just shook her head and thrust her hands into her jacket pockets, thrilled when Alex tucked her hands into the crook of her elbow.  “Walk or cab?”

“Let’s walk to get coffee.  Then we’ll catch a cab – we can walk to the park from my hotel.”

They walked arm in arm to the corner, and Olivia pushed the door open, letting out the scent of hot coffee and fresh bread.  Alex breathed deeply, inhaling the aroma with a look of sensual pleasure on her face.  Olivia just smiled and guided them inside.

The proprietress greeted Olivia by name and handed her a large coffee and a plain brown bag.  Then she turned her attention to Alex.  “And what can I get you, chica?”  Alex smiled and placed her order and Olivia watched Nita give Alex her unspoken approval by tucking two of her famous cookies into a bag and passing it over with Alex’s coffee.

“But I didn’t....”

“You take, chica.  You need them.  You come back again with Olivia, yes?”

Alex turned and looked back at Olivia who was watching with intensity.  When their eyes met, Liv’s expression softened noticeably and they smiled at one another.  Alex looked back at Nita.  “Yes.  I’ll come back again with Olivia.”

“Good.  We will put meat on those bones.”  Alex blushed and Olivia chuckled, glad she wasn’t the only one who thought Alex could do with some pampering.  Then she took Alex’s hand and led her outside, giving Nita a wave.

“Thanks for the coffee, Nita.  See you tomorrow?”

“Yes, and bring your friend.”

They drank their coffee while Olivia flagged down a cab.  Then she climbed in behind Alex, letting Alex give the cabbie the address.  She took Alex’s hand between hers, gratified when Alex covered the clasp with her other hand.  They kept the contact all the way up the street, but they remained silent as the cab crawled through the city traffic. 

When they arrived at the Plaza, Alex paid the man before Olivia could even pull her wallet from her pocket.  Then she took Olivia’s hand and led them inside and straight to the elevator.  In moments they were inside Alex’s room.

“Make yourself comfortable... and don’t eat my cookies.”

Olivia’s eyes widened in mock surprise and she put her hand over her heart.  “I’m crushed; I can’t believe you think I’d do that.”  But she couldn’t hide the twinkle in her eyes.

“Uh huh... try it with someone who doesn’t know better, Detective.  I’ll be out in a few minutes.”  Alex disappeared into the bathroom and Olivia took the opportunity to look around the suite.  It was barren; aside from a few clothes, there was nothing.  No pictures, no personal items, nothing.  Olivia decided they would have to do something about that... once they got through their talk.

She crossed to the window and looked out, waiting for Alex to finish in the bathroom.

************

“Where’s Olivia?” Casey asked as she crossed into the squad room.  “I have a couple questions about the Janway case.”

“She’s out on emergency leave.  We worked that case together; can I help?”

Casey nodded.  “Probably,” opening her file on his desk and pointing out the places she needed clarification.  Elliot took out his own notes and together they went through Olivia’s paperwork and clarified the points that were unclear.  Casey closed the file and turned to lean on Elliot’s desk.  “Thanks for your help, Elliot.”  She paused.  “Is Olivia okay?”  Before he could take a breath to answer, Casey continued.  “I’m just concerned.  After your phone call and knowing what happened in Cabot’s office....”

“I think so.  I know they’re talking.”

Casey nodded.  “Good.  Olivia hasn’t been the same since Cabot came back for the Connor’s trial, and Cabot... well, I don’t know enough about her to judge.  But I think she could use all the friends she can find, especially friends like Olivia.”

Elliot sat up.  “What do you mean?”

“From what I have heard of her, Alexandra Cabot was a kick-ass ADA, and she was always very self-sufficient.  But she had friends and family here to rely on.  If even half of what I have heard about her time in witness protection is true, she has been completely on her own since she was taken out of here the first time.”

Elliot leaned back in his chair.  He had his own suspicions about that, but figured it couldn’t hurt to get the scoop from the DA’s office either.  “What have you heard?”

“Uh uh... that would be telling.” Casey slid from the desk.  “Gotta go.”  The echo of her heels clicking across the floor was lost in the normal sounds of the noisy squad room.  Stabler watched her til she was out of sight, then turned back to his desk shaking his head – only to find Munch sitting on the corner of it.  He cocked an eyebrow and Munch leaned down conspiratorially.

“She knows something.”

“Yep.”

“You going to find out what it is?”

“Yep.”

“Good.  In the meantime, are we keeping an eye on Liv and Cabot?”

Elliot looked John squarely in the eye.  “You wanna explain it to Liv when she finds out?”

“So that means yes?”

“Yep... until I’m sure they’re gonna be all right.”

Munch nodded.  “Count me in.”  Whatever else he would have said was lost when Cragen stepped out of his office, calling for Munch.  John looked at Elliot over the top of his glasses.  “Keep me in the loop, all right?”

“Yep.”  Elliot turned back to his desk, but his mind was a million miles away – with Olivia and Alex.

************

And hidden in the darkness on the other side of the city, forces were at work that would soon bring changes to many people in the city... but especially Alexandra Cabot and Olivia Benson.


Chapter II

Alex froze when she stepped out of the bathroom.  Seeing Olivia staring sightlessly out the window brought back memories that made Alex’s breath catch in her chest. “When I came back from Wisconsin for the Connor’s trial,” Alex confessed as Liv whirled to face her, head tilted in a listening attitude, “I saw you standing at the window that night after... after I told you about ‘my good man’.”  Her voice dropped to a whisper.  “It almost broke my resolve.”

Olivia’s brow furrowed.  “I don’t....”

“I knew I wasn’t going to be allowed to stay here – Hammond had already told me as much.  I wanted you to think I had friends... someone to look after me so you didn’t think I was alone.  And I wanted to protect you, Liv... just like you always did for me.  I knew that giving you a reason to forget about me and push you away was probably the best thing I could do for you.”

Olivia turned away to look out the window again and Alex closed her eyes against the pain it caused her.  She drew in a deep breath, but before she could continue, Olivia spoke.  “So it was all a lie then?”  A beat.  “You broke my heart for a lie?”

“No!  No, Liv – it wasn’t like that at all.”  Alex walked over to the window and reached out a hesitant hand to Olivia, praying she wouldn’t flinch away.  Liv stiffened slightly but didn’t pull away, and Alex urged her to turn around.  “Look at me, Liv; you deserve to see the truth as well as hear it from me.”

It took a moment, but when Olivia did look up, Alex caught her breath again at the pain that was reflected back to her.  She wanted to caress Olivia’s face but settled for clasping both hands.  "I did have a good man who held me at night.  His name was Michael and he was the first friend I made when I finally got settled in Wisconsin.”  Alex held on tightly when Olivia would have pulled away.  “No, Liv... wait.  What I didn’t tell you that night was that Michael was gay.  He was using me as much as I was using him.”

Alex wanted to close her eyes against the disbelief in Olivia’s eyes, but she held fast, knowing this was only the first of many hurdles they had to cross before they could really have any kind of relationship together... friendship or otherwise. 

“I came back in the room – after we said goodnight – to explain it all to you.  I was sure....”  Alex shook her head.  “When I saw you standing by the window sobbing, I wanted so badly to tell you the truth, for you to tell me we could work things out for us, no matter what.  I knew we couldn’t – not then – Hammond wouldn’t allow it... *you* wouldn’t have allowed it, would you?”

Olivia bit her lip and tilted her head again before shaking it.  “No.  More than anything I wanted you to be safe and happy.  I was mostly crying for me that night... for what I had lost – forever, I thought.”

“I know.  I did the same thing.  And when I stopped crying, I decided I couldn’t do that to you, so I sat down and wrote you a letter explaining everything.  I never dreamed you’d refuse to ever read it, you stubborn thing.”

Olivia smiled crookedly.  “Hello?  Have you met me??  That’s the one thing you should have expected, Alex.  You know how hard-headed I get once my mind is made up.”

“Like trying to make the sun rise in the west, I know,” came Alex’s dry rejoinder.  She sighed.  “I am so sorry for the pain my words caused you, Liv.  I never would have left without explaining it to you personally if I had known.”

“Hammond never would have let you.”

“I would have found a way,” Alex answered fiercely.  “You shouldn’t have had to....” stopping when Liv covered her lips with the fingers she had freed from Alex’s grasp.

“Shh... Sweetheart.  Mutual responsibility here, I think; we were both at fault.  Now,” removing her fingers from Alex’s lips and wiping the tears from Alex’s cheeks and then her own, “what do you say to a walk through Central Park?  Maybe I’ll even treat to hot dogs for lunch.”

“You’re going to make me swoon, Detective, although if it’s all the same to you, I think the hot dogs should wait for another day.  I’m not sure I could handle that; my stomach’s already in knots.  But a walk with you anywhere sounds delightful.”

Olivia extended her free hand and pulled Alex towards the door with both hands.  Then she held Alex’s jacket for her and snatched up the cookies Nita had given them.  “C’mon,” she said as she opened the door.  “It’s too nice a day to be stuck indoors.”  And they made their way down the elevator and out the door in companionable silence.  Then Alex linked her arm with Olivia’s to keep from blowing away and together they headed towards Central Park.

“Was Wisconsin so bad?” Olivia asked when the silence went on for a few moments.

Alex gave the question the due deliberation she felt it needed.  “No, but it wasn’t home, and it wasn’t me.  Olivia, I wasn’t me there.”  She fell silent, waiting.  She knew Olivia would ask, and she needed to hear her ask before she answered.

“Tell me about Michael.”

“Michael was the first person I met.  He was kind and considerate and very good looking.  He had a swimmer’s build - tall and lithe with dark hair and eyes.  He reminded me a lot of you, actually.  I think that is why I was first drawn to him, but we also recognized a kinship with one another.  He had lost his partner to a motorcycle accident, though all anyone there wanted to see was that he and Peter had been friends and roommates.  The longer we knew one another, the more time we spent together.  Folks began to think of us as a couple, but in reality, he listened to hours upon hours of my talking about you and I listened to hours and hours of him remembering Peter.  Sometimes at night he would stay over and hold me; I needed that and so did he.  We needed the human connection and the knowledge that someone else understood our pain and loss and cared.” She paused again and bit her lip. 

Alex took off her glasses and rubbed her eyes.  “It was little enough to do for someone who had been kind to me for no other reason than that it was in his nature to do so.  And because we were immediately seen as a couple, people stopped asking questions about his sexuality.  He finally had a girlfriend – people stopped wondering if he was gay anymore.  Liv, you’ve seen the baseness of humanity here in a city where diversity is what this place is all about.  Imagine how it is where diversity isn’t part of the company bylaws or the community make-up.  We never slept together, Liv, except platonically as friends.  Even if he had been so inclined, I couldn’t... I spent too many nights calling out your name in my sleep. Even when I was no longer sure what you and I shared wasn't just a dream or wishful thinking on my part, you were still my heart... my hope.  Every day I was gone, I thought of you, and every night I dreamed of us together.”

“You were always in my thoughts and dreams.”  Olivia’s head dropped and she focused on each step she took.  “I wanted to be glad that you had found someone, and part of me was – because I knew you were all alone and I never wanted that for you. But the selfish part of me....”  She shrugged.  “It hurt so much to know I had lost you; I was glad to have my memories.”

“Even the ones that hurt?” Alex asked, thinking particularly of the night she had been shot and the night they had said goodbye.

“Especially the ones that hurt – they were all I had left to remind me that I was still alive.  I think I drove Elliot more than a little crazy though.”

“More than usual, you mean?” Alex asked drolly, meeting Olivia’s twinkling brown eyes.  “Why?”  They entered the park and reflexively Alex took a deep breath.  There were people here; there were always people – even midmorning on a weekday.  Instinctively, Olivia chose the path that would take them to her thinking bench and Alex gladly walked along with her, having a very good idea where they were going.  Liv had shared this private space with her on a few occasions after particularly bad cases.

Olivia shrugged again but didn't answer otherwise.  Alex looked at her concerned, but Olivia kept her eyes carefully fixed on her feet.  Alex slid her hand down Olivia's arm until their fingers naturally tangled together.  It made them both smile and brought Olivia's eyes up to meet Alex's.  "That's much better," Alex said firmly.  "Liv, you don't have to hide from me, remember?  There has to be honesty from both of us if we're going to make this work.  Now how or why did you drive Elliot crazy?  C'mon... you've got to share.  Who knows – maybe I'll be able to use the same tactic some day." 

It was said with a grin and meant to be a joke, but it brought despair to Olivia's countenance and her grip tightened almost painfully around Alex's hand. "I hope not," Liv muttered.  "I never want you to feel that way... not again."

Alex pulled them to a stop in the middle of the path and turned Olivia to face her.  "What do you mean, Sweetheart?  How did you feel?"

Olivia bit her lip.  She didn't want to hurt Alex's feelings, but she wasn't going to lie to her either.  "Desolate," she said at last.  "Alone and abandoned."  She felt the pain in Alex's swift intake of breath and reached out to pull Alex into her embrace.  "I'm sorry, Alex – I don't want to hurt you; I know it's not true... not then and definitely not now.  But at the time, it was all I had... that and my anger."  Olivia kissed Alex's forehead, gratified when Alex nuzzled her neck just slightly before pulling back so they could resume their walk.  "It drove Elliot nuts because I shut out everything but my work... and the guys.  They stuck with me even when I was pricklier than a hedgehog."

Alex laughed at Olivia's description of herself and Liv joined her just because she loved hearing the sound coming from Alex's mouth.  Laughter had always been rare in their line of work and they had learned to appreciate every moment of it, no matter the cause.

"Pricklier than a hedgehog, huh?"  Alex took the opportunity to give Olivia a good once-over.  "I don't know, Detective.  Somehow I can't picture you as a hedgehog."

They reached Olivia's bench and sat down, snuggling close enough to leave no personal space between them.  Alex rested her head on Liv's shoulder and Olivia laid her head on Alex's, and for a few minutes there was peace and quiet.  Then, “Where did you go when you left Wisconsin?” Olivia finally asked, breaking the blanket of silence that had fallen over them again.  Alex cleared her throat and Olivia squeezed her gently and brushed a kiss on the top of her head.

"I went with Hammond to help get Antonio settled first.  It wasn't what Jack wanted, but it was what was best for Antonio.  He was such a good kid, putting up with all the changes in his life like a pro.  He was placed in Texas... on a horse ranch there.  He loved it; God, he was so excited when he found out it was his new home!”

“What about you?”

“I went to Florida and was working for the DEA.  That was one reason I was able to push so hard to close the Velez case; I was finally in a position to do something proactive.  Besides, there was heat and humidity and hurricanes there; those were reasons enough to do anything necessary to get me back to New York and hopefully, you.  I could have survived my whole life just fine without experiencing any of those things to that degree, much less all of them together!”

“Yeah, but I have noticed you have a little bit of tan going on there.  What’s up with that?” with a grin.

“Well, there are beaches and boats and Disney World too,” Alex added with a smile.  “But it never was home.  That was always here.  My heart stayed here with you."

The kiss was sweet, and they separated slowly. “You say the sweetest things, but you do know it is completely wrong that you were tanning while we were freezing our asses off up here, right?”

Alex snorted.  “I had to find my silver linings where I could.  There weren’t many of them.  Best damn day in that life was when Jack verified that everything had finally fallen into place and Velez was dead.  I wanted to come home right then, but Hammond was quick to remind me I had too many things that had to be taken care of before that could happen.”

“So why didn’t you at least call and let us know you were coming home as soon as Velez was dead?” sounding a little hurt.  “I figured you’d decided to stay wherever you were.”

Alex sighed.  This was the hard part.  Instinctively, Olivia tightened her arms around her and Alex smiled at the unconscious comfort she was being offered.  Olivia had always done that – once they’d gotten past their initial adversarial reaction to one another, they had been very tactile in private and Alex relished the renewed connection between them.  “I missed this so much while I was gone.”

Liv squeezed her again.  “So did I.  It was the hardest thing to learn to live without,” she said softly.  Then she sat back and waited.  Finally Alex started to speak again.

“It took Agent Hammond a while to come to Florida once Velez was dead and he wouldn’t allow me any contact outside the Agency.  He wanted to be sure the threat to me was completely gone and apparently there were a couple loose ends to take care of.  Then things snowballed.  There were papers to sign and psych evaluations to do and intense therapy to sit through and ID reclamation and fingerprinting and....  The list goes on and on until I thought it was never going to end.  The Feds kept me hopping and I decided we had been forced to wait so long, I wanted to see your face when you found out I was finally coming home.  I didn’t know I was going to make the gossip circuit before I even got home; I certainly never dreamed the job would be public knowledge before I even got an official chance to say yes.”

“Wait... you didn’t agree to become Bureau Chief?”

“Yes, I did... but it wasn’t official until about half an hour before you came to my office.  I had just stepped out of my meeting with Arthur when the phone rang and Casey Novak said you were headed over hell bent for leather.”

“So I started all kinds of rumors for you by rushing over there like you owed me something, didn’t I?  God, Alex... I didn’t even think....”

Alex cradled Olivia’s face in her hands.  “Hush.  No more apologies - you’re beating up the woman that I love.  Given the circumstances, I understand... especially given your passionate nature,” smiling shyly.  She blew out a breath.  "I should have called.  Whatever it took, I should have convinced Jack to let me contact you as soon as I knew....”  She snorted softly.  “I should have listened to you in the first place – when Velez first popped up on the radar; then we never would have had to have suffered through the last three years apart.  But it’s all past now.  Can we move on?”

Olivia paused and blew out a breath.  There was still one more issue.  “Depends... what about Robert?”

Alex dropped her head.  Damn, why did I think she would miss that little detail?  No wonder....  “How did you hear about him?” Alex countered.  “I haven’t said anything to anyone about him or his supposed status in my life yet.”

Olivia shrugged.  “Elliot.  I don’t know where he heard, but you can bet it’s already around the courthouse, the DA’s office and police plaza that you’re engaged to him.  Although I imagine that little scene yesterday chased the engagement rumor right off the airwaves.”

Alex chuckled.  “Well, it is certainly much more interesting.  Let’s face it – no one ever gets to see the implacable Detective Benson lose it over anything except a case.”  Alex sighed.  “It had to be the DEA behind the fiancé rumors.  I didn’t realize they were going to make this fake engagement public knowledge so quickly.  I was hoping to tell you about it first; the deal was contingent on you knowing the truth.”

“The truth?  Fake engagement?  Supposed status?  Are you telling me...?”

“Shh... let me tell it.  It’s confusing enough without having a scorecard and knowing all the players.”  Olivia nodded and they shifted again, Alex threading the fingers of one hand into Liv’s.  Alex blew out a breath.  “I’m part of Robert's cover arrangement here.  Having me as a fiancée would give him access to people he wouldn’t have otherwise.  He is working undercover as a lawyer within the legal business side of the new drug cartel’s organization.  The DEA was banking on the fact that the new drug lord knew Robert was my fiancé and that because of what I went through because of Velez, I would do anything to keep from returning to the Witness Protection Program.  Seems it is common knowledge I wasn’t a model participant.”  She smirked wryly at the understatement.  “Imagine that.”  

“Imagine that,” Olivia agreed with irony, then sobered and chewed on her bottom lip thoughtfully.  “I don’t like it.  That’s dangerous for you and you’ve done enough... been through enough for those people.  And what does this mean for us?  Alex, I can’t be the other woman even if the engagement is only for pretend.  I’m not asking for full public disclosure or an announcement to the world; but I won’t be anyone’s dirty little secret – not even yours.”

Alex took Liv’s face in her hand and met the brown eyes squarely.  “I would never ask you to be, Sweetheart.  I don’t want that for you or for us either, although after yesterday, I don’t think that’s going to be a problem.”  Alex gave Olivia a mischievous grin and Liv smirked in response.  “Robert is going to be around for a little while; they didn’t give me specifics on how long or what he needed to accomplish.  But I will put things in motion to get him out of my life as quickly as possible without endangering anyone.  I’ll pull out the Ice Princess persona if that’s what it takes to get him out.  Trust me...  we’ll come up with something even if it means I have to leave the DA’s office.  It may take a little while though.  You know how slowly government wheels turn.”

“Would you have married him?”

“No – not for any reason; I made that clear before we ever came back here.  It was to stay an engagement and it was conditional on my talking to you.  What’s between Robert and me is business; although given how they have distorted their side of the agreement, I don’t think we’ll be doing business for very much longer.”

“I love the sound of that.  I don’t want you to be in danger anymore.  You’ve done your bit for God and country already.  Besides, I don’t do jealousy well,” Olivia said quietly.  “But can you do that?  Like you said, this is the government we’re talking about.  I doubt very seriously they’re gonna want to let you just walk away, especially if they consider you a key player in whatever op they’re on.”

“They’ll get over it.”

Olivia smiled.  “I doubt that, Alex... I never did.”

“Why, Detective Benson – that has to be one of the nicest things you’ve ever said to me.  And just for the record, neither did I.”

Olivia pulled her hand from Alex’s and moved it up to cup her face.  They stared at one another silently for a long moment, their eyes exchanging thoughts and pledges they would voice soon enough.  Then they leaned in and let their lips touch briefly... once, twice and then they came together with serious intent.  It was hot and fierce and passionate... and far shorter than either of them wanted it to be.  But they were all too aware that they were out in a public setting and neither of them was willing to share this with the rest of the world yet.  Aside from the fact it wasn’t safe, it was also something too new and precious.

Olivia pulled back slightly and leaned her forehead against Alex’s.  “What do you say to blowing this joint and going to find some lunch?  I don’t know about you, but all this talking has made me ravenous.”

Alex stole a quick kiss and rose, reaching a hand out to Olivia and pulling her up gently.  When they were standing side by side, Alex took Olivia’s elbow and they headed back out of Central Park.  “Do you have somewhere in mind?”

Olivia’s gaze turned inward for a minute, then she turned to Alex and smiled.  “Yeah... I’ve got just the place.  C’mon.”  Neither of them noticed the pair of blue eyes watching them from the shadows, nor did they hear Elliot’s words.

“You go, girls.”  He couldn’t stop the smile that crossed his face at the thought of his partner finally finding happiness.  This was something he couldn’t wait to share with Kathy; she had been wishing for something like this to happen for a very long time – almost as long as he and Olivia had.

Elliot threw away his coffee cup and headed out another path.  He had to get back to the station.  There were still perps and pervs that needed to be caught, regardless of what was happening between Olivia and Alex.  He just hoped he’d get to hear the details later.

************

“So what does your mother think of your return to New York?”  Liv asked after they had ordered lunch and their drinks had been delivered.  “I bet she was thrilled.”

“You’d lose,” Alex replied in a clipped tone.  “She’s never forgiven me for living.”

Olivia blinked and her jaw dropped open and the air literally whooshed from her lungs in a rush.  “Alex, that’s not true.”

Alex snorted and picked up her goblet, suddenly wishing she had asked for something stronger than water to go with her lunch.  “As a matter of fact, Detective, it is all too true.  She was furious with me when I came back for the Connor’s trial.  I know because Hammond was kind enough to deliver a rather scathing letter from her once we were out of the city.”

“Alex, I know for a fact it’s not true.”  Olivia was fierce and passionate in her delivery and her eyes burned with the heat of truth burning from them.  Alex cocked her head in question.

“Olivia, I know for a fact it is.  There was no mistaking the tone of her letter.  The only thing I never quite figured out was if she was angry that I lived and didn’t tell her, or if she was angry because I came back and left again or what.  But I do know she was furious with me - that part she stated point blank in exactly those words.”

Olivia looked down at the tablecloth, debating her options.  Alex deserved to know the truth, but her mother should be the one telling it.  However, Elizabeth wasn’t here and Olivia was and there was no way she was going to let Alex think her mother hated her.  She could see the obvious pain that thought was causing despite Alex’s best attempts to hide it.  Olivia looked up directly into blue eyes.

“Alex, despite what you read and what you think you know, I know for a FACT that your mother never once blamed you for standing up for what you believed in... for what you thought was right.  She was actually very proud of what you did.  There was never anything to forgive on that account.  She was furious for what it did to you and what it cost all of us for you to do it.”

“Olivia, how do you know this?  Because you really do know don’t you?  You’re not just saying that to make it sound good, are you?”

“Yes, I do; and no, I’m not.”  She paused when their server returned and placed their food in front of them.  “I know because Elizabeth... your mother and I have been friendly since, well... Elliot and I stood with her at your, um... funeral.  We stayed in touch after that, and when you came home for the Connor’s trial....”

“She gave you an earful.”

“Two, actually... with both barrels,” Olivia agreed wryly, rubbing her ear in remembrance.  “She was furious at the deceit involved; at the pain we had all suffered in your absence; at the need for you to return to hiding.  She was furious at the world for the injustice of it all.  She was furious with you for not telling her you were alive; with me for keeping it secret; at Velez for creating the need for silence.  We spent a lot of time talking in the weeks following your second disappearance from our lives.  She loves you very much.”

“So you two are friends now or...?”

“Not exactly – I mean, we don’t hang out or go to dinner together often or whatever.  But we do talk on the phone regularly whenever she’s in town.  I kinda looked out for her when you left the first time, and she sorta kept an eye on me when you left the second.  We kinda bonded.”

“I see.”  Alex tone was cool, as was the look in her eyes, and Olivia couldn’t tell if she was hurt or angry.  “And when were you going to tell me about this?”  Olivia considered taking offense at the accusation clear in Alex’s tone.  Then it dawned on her – Alex was jealous.  Olivia put down her fork and reached for Alex’s hand, covering it before Alex could protest or pull away.

“Alex, I told you about it at the very first opportunity I had.”  Olivia tilted her head and crooked a smile in Alex’s direction.  “Sweetheart, there’s no need for you to be jealous.  I would never try to take your place in Elizabeth’s heart, and she could never take your place in mine.”

Alex took a deep breath and dropped her eyes to the table.  “Sorry – I know that.  I just... I feel like I missed out on so much – like life passed me by while I was gone and I don’t have a place here anymore.  I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to find a place I belong anymore.”

“Alex, you don’t have to find a place – we’ll make one for you. And you don’t have to do any of it alone.  I’ll be right beside you, and so will the guys and your mom.  And I bet if you look around the DA’s office, you’ll find even more friends and allies.”

“You think so?”

Olivia gazed at Alex for a long moment.  Then she wiped her mouth and dropped her napkin on the table, signaling the server for the check.  Before Alex could react, Olivia had paid the bill and risen from her seat.  She held out her hand to Alex.  “C’mon.  I want to show you something.”

Alex took Olivia’s hand and stood, snagging her jacket as they headed out the door.  “You know, you’re saying that to me a lot today.”

Liv grinned.  “Guess it’s a good thing you trust me, huh?”

“You’ve never steered me wrong, Liv... not when it mattered.  So where are we headed?”

“Home – it’s time to be part of the family again.”


Chapter III

“Um... Liv?  Why are we at the precinct?  I thought we were going home.”

“Alex, this is home – one of them anyway, considering how much time we’ve spent here.  And the guys are your family... at least part of it.  Trust me, they’re all gonna be thrilled to see you again.  None of them are gonna go off on you like I did yesterday.”

“Cojones aren’t as big as yours?”

“Well, that,” Liv smirked, “and I’ll be with you every step of the way.”

Alex looked at the building and then back at Olivia before refocusing her eyes on the doors to the precinct.  “There was a time,” she said softly, “when I could walk in there like I owned the place.”  She turned back to find Olivia watching her intently.  “I don’t think I’ve ever been this nervous before – not even my first day in court.  My butterflies have butterflies.”

Olivia took her hand and walked them up the steps at a rapid pace.  “C’mon, then... before I can’t get a net big enough to catch them.”  She turned to face Alex when they reached the top.  “Suck it up, Counselor.  It’s not gonna get any easier.”  Alex looked a moment longer and Olivia watched as the lawyer persona fell into place.  She laid a hand on Alex’s arm.  “Alex, Sweetheart - they’re your friends.  They’re gonna be glad to see you.”

Alex nodded and relaxed slightly.  “Right; let’s go.” Then she marched up to the doors and flung it wide open, passing through as though she really did own the place.  Olivia watched her go for a moment, grinning and admiring the view from behind.  Then she shook her head and lengthened her stride to catch up to Alex before she could reach the squad room.

“Hey guys!  Didja miss me?”

Heads swiveled when Alex entered the room and grins broke out across the board before every detective on duty stood up clapping.  Then Munch stepped into her personal space and knelt down on one knee with his arms outstretched.  “Cabot!  You came back to me!  I knew you would find a way to defeat the conspiracy to keep us apart.”

Alex blushed and pulled John to his feet, not at all surprised to find herself wrapped in his arms in the most comforting welcome hug she could have imagined.  That action prompted the rest of the room to swarm towards then and very soon Alex was surrounded and welcomed by old friends.

Olivia stood in the doorway, leaning against the doorjamb, watching Alex absorb the love and attention like a sponge.  She was so glad the guys had not only come through for her but had surpassed even her wildest expectations.  Alex turned her head to find Olivia and let herself fall into the warm regard in those deep brown eyes watching her.  Then she winked and cocked an eyebrow.

Elliot had meandered over to where Olivia stood and was watching the byplay between them.  “She’s got you whipped, Liv.”

“No, El,” she replied with a sincerity that surprised him as she pushed off the doorframe.  “I surrendered willingly.”  His hand on her arm stopped her progress and she looked back at him with the question easily read in her eyes.

“Are you happy?”

“Yes,” confirmed forcefully, her commitment unmistakable.

“Good,” Elliot said unexpectedly.  “It’s about damn time.”  They walked side by side into the melee and found a path cleared for them.  Elliot opened his arms and lifted Alex off the floor when she stepped into them.  The anger and frustration he felt towards her for what she had put them all through would wait til another day and time.  He was happy to have her back just to see the smile on Olivia’s face again.

“Don’t hurt her again, Alex.”

“I don’t want to, Elliot.  Can we talk later?”

He was surprised.  They had come to a truce once in her previous life.  It was good to know she wanted to work towards one in this one.  “You betcha.”  Then he put her back down and looked around at the gathered detectives.  “I think this calls for a drink.”

“I think you’re all still on the clock and need to get back to work, people.  What exactly is going on here??  Who called for happy hour without authorization?”  Cragen caught sight of Olivia as he stepped from his office.  “Benson?  Aren’t you supposed to be on emergency leave?”

Before Olivia could open her mouth to speak, Alex pushed through the crowd and into his line of sight.  “Hello, Don.”

“Alexandra,” he answered opening his arms for a hug of his own.  “I wondered if you’d give your old squad a looksee before you settled into that big posh office I’ve heard they give DA Bureau Chiefs.”

“I wouldn’t have missed it,” she replied, exchanging a secret glance with Olivia.  “But we’re holding up the department here.  We’ll just....”  Cragen held up a hand and looked around the room.

“Benson, my office... now.  The rest of you get back to work.”  He turned back to Alex.  “It really is great to see you.  I’m so glad you’re back... we all are.”

“Thanks, Don.”

“Now if you’ll excuse us,” motioning Olivia inside.

“I don’t think so, Don.  Detective Benson is entitled to legal representation in the first place, and if you think I’m going to let you blame her for what happened yesterday, I suggest you think again.”

“Alex....”

“No, Liv.  Whatever he says can be said to both of us – at least if it has to do with what happened yesterday.  We are both responsible for that little scene; you’re not going to take sole responsibility.  I won’t let you.”

Don blinked.  He never would have believed it if he hadn’t seen it with his own eyes.  “So you two are all right then?  You’ve worked everything out between you?”

”We’re working them out as they come up, Cap, but we’re all right.”

“So working together again is not going to be a problem?”

“No, sir.”

“No, Don.”

“Good.  So I can call Arthur and tell him things are okay?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Good.  Now get out of here before you end up working.  And take Alex with you so everyone else can get back to work.”

They drew everyone’s attention when they left Cragen’s office, but it didn’t disrupt work like it had when Alex had first appeared.  Instead, most of the detectives looked up and waved but continued whatever they were working on as well.  Only Elliot got up and met them at the door.

“You headed out?”

“Yeah... Cap is throwing us out before we cause a riot,” Liv smirked, “or worse.”

“All right.  I’ll see about getting everybody together either for drinks Friday night or Saturday for a barbeque or something.  I need to talk to Kathy first.”  He rubbed his eyes, then turned to Olivia.  “I’ll see you Thursday?”

“Yeah, I’ll be here first thing.”

“I’ll leave some of this paperwork for you.  You are in so deep with me, you know.”

“I know,” reaching for Alex’s hand to pull her out of the precinct.  “It’ll be worth it.”  Olivia and Alex walked out the door then Liv stuck her head back in.  “Thanks, El.”

“Get outta here, Liv,” he said, waving her off and resuming his seat at his desk.  He pulled a folder towards him.  “Pussy whipped,” he muttered under his breath.

“Better not let Cabot hear you say that,” Fin said quietly.  “I have a feeling those two are gonna be real protective of each other from now on.”  He turned and faced Elliot directly.  “Did Liv really bust her chops yesterday?”

“Oh yeah,” Elliot confirmed.  “But as long as it worked....”

“Yeah, it’s good to see our girl happy again.  I’ve missed those dimples.”

Munch came up to stand between them.  “And the sparkles in those brown eyes.  I just hope that whole engagement thing is just some sort of government conspiracy.”

“So do I,” Elliot said.  “’Cause I don’t want to imagine what it could mean if it’s not.”

************

“So where do you want to go now?” Olivia asked when they reached the street again.

Alex shrugged.  “I’m not sure where to start.  There are still a few things that need to be taken care of.”

“Like?”

“Robert, for one.  My mother, for another.  And then there is the whole matter of finding a new place to live; getting a new wardrobe; furniture....”

“Whoa, Alex.  Slow down,” Olivia said, taking her hand and tucking it into the crook of her elbow.  “None of that has to be done right this minute if you don’t want to, Sweetheart.  Your life; your choices; your decisions.  Now... what do you want to do right now – this very minute?”

Alex looked at Olivia and let her desire darken her blue eyes almost black.  “What I’d really like to do is go back to your place.”  Then she flushed.  Olivia’s nostrils flared; she bit her bottom lip and her eyes did become black.  It had been a long time since she’d allowed herself to be THIS Alex.  God, it felt wonderful... and Olivia’s visible reaction was empowering.

“Well, then,” Olivia said after a moment spent catching her breath, “what do you say we go to the Plaza and checking you out of that suite?  Then we can go back to my place; maybe have some dinner later?  We can worry about everything thing else tomorrow.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

Neither of them had any idea how differently their evening would play out.

************

“Alex!  ALEXANDRA!”  A man walked up and tried to take her into his arms, only to have a face full of angry detective between him and the object of his desire.  “Excuse me....” trying to push Olivia out of his way.  “Alexandra, would you please explain to this woman who I am?”

“Back up, buddy, before I arrest you for assault on a police officer.”  He moved away slowly with his hands up.  Olivia hadn’t pulled her weapon, not wanting to draw undo attention to their interplay, but her expression was feral enough to put the fear of God into him.  He chanced a look at Alex... who walked up behind Liv and put a hand on the small of her back; and though Olivia’s eyes never left the man’s, Alex felt Liv relax into her touch. Olivia looked back at Alex and they exchanged smiles.  They stood that way, side by side, then returned their gazes to the man, prompting him to speak again.

“Alexandra?  Who is this woman and what is going on here?”

Alex sighed.  She had really been looking forward to going home with Olivia.  She looked at Olivia apologetically.  To her surprise, Liv reached for her hand and squeezed it briefly in support.  “Let me guess... Robert, right?”

“Um hmm.”

Olivia sighed.  “Guess this means dinner will be a little later than we thought, huh?”  She spared him another brief glance before turning back to Alex.  “I know this isn’t what you wanted to do tonight.  You ready for this?” Olivia asked softly, waiting for Alex to nod.  “May as well invite him up while you’re packing then.  The sooner he understands, the sooner we can ditch him.”

“Ditch me?! I’m her fiancé – she can’t ditch me!”

“Let’s go upstairs before he makes any more of a scene than he already has.  And Robert?” turning to speak to him directly for the first time.  “You don’t get to dictate my actions... ever.”

Robert thought about commenting, but a look from Olivia made him swallow any retort he had.  He reached out towards Alex, but she and Olivia turned away from him and headed to the elevator.  Robert followed them, fuming silently.

The ride up was filled with tension, but by tacit agreement, all three of them remained quiet until the door to Alex’s suite was closed.  Then Robert whirled on them, standing in front of the door simply watching the two of them for a minute.  Alex went to the drawers and started unloading them while Olivia pulled out her two suitcases and put them on the bed.  Finally, Robert couldn’t stand it anymore.

“All right, Alex.  Do you want to explain to me exactly what the hell is going on here?  Where the hell have you been all day?  Do you know how worried I have been?  And who is this woman?”

“Robert, I’d suggest you take a deep breath before you pass out from lack of air.”

“I think you owe me an explanation, Alexandra.”

Olivia cocked a brow in Alex’s direction, silently asking if she wanted Olivia to step in.  Alex rolled her eyes and shook her head minutely; she knew she had to take care of this herself if it was going to stick.  But Olivia could see Alex’s need to keep her close, so she turned to the closet and started removing the few suits Alex had purchased for her return.  Olivia watched in fascination as the fragile woman she had been with all day disappeared into the lawyer façade of Bureau Chief Alex Cabot.

“Take a seat, Robert.”

He stared at Alex a long moment, gauging her sincerity, before stalking to the couch and dropping hard onto the cushion.  He glared at Alex when she took a seat in the chair across from him instead of on the couch beside him.  “What the hell is going on, Alex?”

“I don’t actually owe you anything, Robert, but the fact is... I am reclaiming my life, and you don’t have a place in it.”

“You can’t do that, Alex!  Do you know what this means for the operation?  You don’t get to make that decision!”

“I already did, Robert.  You see that beautiful woman so carefully packing my clothes over there by the bed?  That is Detective Olivia Benson – the same Detective Olivia Benson who was supposed to be privy to what was going on before the rest of the world found out.”  Alex stood up and walked closer to Robert.  “But your Agency neglected to take care of that little detail and I nearly lost her from my life completely before I managed to straighten everything out.”  She leaned over him, poking a finger in his face and he shrank back instinctively.  “So you can take your deal and shove it, Robert, because I am not going to help you anymore.  You’re on your own!”

He jumped up into Alex’s personal space, not seeing Olivia move strategically to intercept him.  “Nono!  I don’t think so!  You agreed to do this, Alex.  You’re not throwing away years of work because you got your feelings hurt!”  Robert made the mistake of pointing a finger in Alex’s direction and found himself face down on the floor with Olivia’s knee in his back and his arm wrenched up the middle of his back.  “What the fuck?!?”

“I warned you about assaulting a police officer, and Ms Cabot is an officer of the court – same rules apply.  As a DEA agent, you know that.  Now if you would like to sit and have a civilized discussion with Ms Cabot, then I will be happy to let you up to do so.  But you don’t dictate and you don’t touch.  Otherwise, I will escort you out and we’ll have a restraining order slapped on you so fast, Hammond will be visiting you in jail.  You got that?”

“Yeah, yeah... I got it.  Now let me up.”

“You gonna behave?”

“I’m going to leave,” he growled, jerking away from Olivia and smoothing his clothing.  “But remember this, Alex – this is far more important than you are.  You’re not going to be allowed to fuck up years of work for your own petty selfishness.”  He stomped across the room and slammed the door behind him.  Alex and Olivia just watched him go before turning back to one another. 

Alex cocked an eyebrow at Olivia who had the grace to look sheepish.  She shrugged and let her gaze drop to the floor, only to find her chin caught and held and her eyes brought back to meet smoky blue.  “Thank you,” Alex whispered, before claiming Olivia’s lips passionately.  She slid her fingers into Olivia’s hair, letting her thumbs caress the smooth planes of her cheekbones.  Olivia let her hands drop to Alex’s waist, pulling them closer together.  This went on until they ran out of air and they leaned their foreheads together.  “I can’t tell you,” Alex said on an uneven breath, “how amazing it feels to have someone looking out for me like that.”

“I didn’t think,” Olivia confessed.  “I just reacted.”

Alex smiled and kissed her nose, then pulled away to go finish her packing.  “I know – that is what makes it so amazing.”  She sighed and zipped up the full cases.  “I never would have accepted that sort of action on my behalf before without a fight.  Now I can’t get over how incredible it is to have someone care about me so much that they react instinctively to protect me... even if I don’t need it.”

Alex picked up her garment bag and a suitcase.  “So how about a little help, Detective?”

Olivia stepped up and picked up the second suitcase and held the door for Alex to pass through in front of her.  This day just kept getting more interesting by the minute.  She was almost afraid to ask ‘what next?’ for fear of what might actually happen.  So Olivia waited while Alex checked out, then they headed back to Olivia’s apartment in comfortable silence.

Liv unlocked the door and they almost fell in with the sense of relief.  It was the same as it had been that very morning, but so much had changed for them over the course of a single day, they felt as though they had both come home.  Liv walked straight into the bedroom, and Alex followed her unquestioningly.  Olivia put the suitcase she carried on the bed, then moved to the bureau.  “I’ll um... I’ll make some space for you to put your things away if you want to unpack.  We can talk about how permanent you’d like this to be tomorrow, ‘cause I don’t think either one of us is up to any more serious conversation tonight.”

“I think you’re right, Detective, though I don’t think my answer will be different tomorrow.  However, how do feel about Chinese for dinner?” changing the subject as she unzipped the garment bag and started hanging up her suits beside Olivia’s few dressy clothes and pressed jeans.

“Chinese sounds good.  I have a feeling I might get a good fortune this time.  Better than the last one, at any rate,” Olivia muttered under her breath, but not low enough to keep Alex from hearing.  She turned to leave the room... only to find Alex’s hand on her arm, halting her progress.  She looked up into twinkling blue eyes.  “Shit.”

That made Alex laugh and Olivia couldn’t help but smile in reflex.  This was a side of Alex she had only seen very rarely before, and she realized she wanted to see it a lot more often now that she was home to stay.  So she waited, knowing it was coming.  “What did it say, Liv?  You can tell me.  How bad could it be?”

“I dunno – do I look like a happy man to you?”

Alex blinked... then snorted before clearing her throat.  “Well, you certainly look happier than I can ever remember seeing you,” she admitted.  Then she took a moment to peruse Olivia’s body from her toes to the top of her head.  “But you are definitely NOT a man.”  Alex stepped closed until she was completely in Olivia’s personal space and ran her hands up Olivia’s torso, relishing Olivia’s reaction to her touch.  “No – judging by the evidence in front of me, you are in no way, shape or form a man, nor could you ever be mistaken for one, Detective.”

Olivia cleared her throat.  “You’re nothing but a tease, counselor.”

“Oh no, Detective.  I’m not teasing; I’m playing for keeps.”  But before they could seal the promise of Alex’s words, growls erupted from both bellies, breaking the mood.  They looked at one another and giggled and separated, Alex going back to her suitcases and Olivia heading out of the bedroom and into the kitchen where she kept her take out menus.  That was when she noticed the red blinking light on her answering machine, and she seriously considered ignoring it.  But the responsible part of her wouldn’t let her do that, so with a sigh, she crossed the room and pushed the button.

“Hi Olivia, it’s Elizabeth.” A long pause.  “Dear, I’ve heard some things and... could you call me as soon as possible, Dear?  I know you’ll be honest with me.”  There was a second long pause, then the sound of the phone being hung up.  Olivia sighed.  She really didn’t want to get into this tonight, but it wasn’t just her decision.  Before she could call Alex though, the next message started to play.

“Hey, Liv, I talked to Kathy.  She suggested we host a barbeque at the house on Saturday.  That way she and the kids will get to see you and Alex as well.  If this doesn’t work for the two of you, let me know tonight, will ya?  Otherwise, I’ll let everyone know tomorrow.”  Click.

“Oh... I forgot.  If there is anyone outside the squad you want me to invite, just let me know.  That’s it, I think.  Bye.”

Olivia couldn’t help the chuckles that escaped at her partner’s silliness.  It didn’t happen often, so she always enjoyed when Elliot cut loose a little bit.  Besides, it was good to know that even if they didn’t get back together, Kathy and Elliot had a real shot at staying friends, which Olivia knew would be good for everyone.  The sound of her laughter had covered Alex’s footsteps and she jumped when Alex leaned over her to pause the machine.

“What’s so funny?”

“El,” Olivia said briefly and rewound his messages so Alex could hear them.  Alex laughed; then they both froze when Jack Hammond’s voice came across the machine.

“Detective Benson, I have it on very good authority that Ms Cabot is with you.  I would consider it a great personal favor if you would ask her to contact me at her earliest possible convenience.” Beep.

“Damn,” Alex sighed.  “I didn’t need this tonight.”

Olivia’s shoulders slumped.  May as well get everything out in the open now. “There’s one more you need to hear, Alex.”  She pressed the button and let Alex hear the message from Elizabeth.  “I need to know what you want to do, Sweetheart.”

Alex listened and dropped her head.  “I want all this to go away and for it to just be the two of us.  Is that too much to ask?”  She sighed.  “Call my mother; Jack Hammond can wait til hell freezes over as far as I am concerned.”

“You sure?”

“About my mother?  Or Hammond?”  She grinned wryly.  “About Hammond – absolutely.  About my mother – not so much.”  Alex straightened and took a deep breath.  “But it’s got to be done, so call and see if she’ll come over for Chinese.  I mean... would you mind?”

“Nope.  The menus are on the counter if you wanna take a look and decide what you want for dinner.  I don’t think it will take long to talk to Elizabeth.”

Alex nodded.  “Can I make a deal with you, Detective?”  Olivia had already picked up the phone, but she stopped dialing and nodded at Alex.  “When this is all over, I want the two of us to pick up and go somewhere.  I don’t care where; I would just like to have a little bit of time alone with you without....”  She twirled her hands around in a vague motion. 

Olivia’s smile was at once both shy and seductive.  “Name the time and place, Counselor.  I’m your woman.”

“Promise?”

“Guarantee.  Now let me call Elizabeth.  We’ll work on the details later.”

“I’ll look forward to it, Detective.”


Chapter IV

A buzz at the door brought Alex and Olivia out of the comfortable silence they had been sharing.  After Olivia’s phone call to Elizabeth and then the neighborhood Chinese restaurant, they had curled up together on the couch just enjoying the peace of the moment together.  Now Olivia unwound herself from around Alex and went to the speaker box. 

“Yeah?”

“Olivia, dear.  It’s Elizabeth, and there’s a nice young man here from the Empress Room as well.”

Olivia buzzed them in.  “C’mon up.”  She turned to Alex.  “Do you want to meet her alone or...?”

“Yes... no... I don’t know.  Damn, I hate this!  I want the old Alex back!  Strong and determined and focused - holding the world by the tail without questioning myself and rethinking every decision I make.  GOD!!”

Olivia turned from the door to take Alex in her arms.  “You will be.  It may take us a little while find that feisty Alex Cabot, but we will.”  A knock sounded, but Olivia didn’t move.  “C’mon, Alex – you’ve played a part for three years... pretended to be someone you’re not and your life depended on it.  You don’t just get to flip a switch and make everything the way it was.”  She brushed Alex’s hair back behind her ear.  “It’d be nice, but I’m afraid it’s gonna take us effort and patience.”

“I don’t want to be patient.”

Olivia chuckled.  “Neither do I, so I guess we’ll just have to be impatient together.  Now I need to get the door.”

Alex walked back to the couch and settled herself, her casual posture hiding the nervousness she felt.  This whole thing was completely fucked.  If the DEA had done their jobs like they were supposed to, she wouldn’t be sitting her wondering what her mother was going to do.  And then her waiting was over.

Olivia opened the door to find Elizabeth standing there alone with several take out bags at her feet.  She stuck her head out the door, looking for the delivery guy and then turned back to Elizabeth.  “Um....”  Elizabeth patted her arm and picked up a bag.

“I hope you don’t mind, Dear.  The young man helped me carry stuff up and then I paid him and sent him on his way.  I didn’t think we needed an audience. Is she here?”

Olivia nodded and stepped into the hall to pick up the remaining bags.  “Be gentle with her, Elizabeth.  Until a few hours ago, she was convinced you hated her.”  She pushed the door open and took the large bag out of Elizabeth’s hands.  “I’ll give you two a minute and take this to the kitchen.”  She only had to nudge Elizabeth once to start her moving. Olivia went to the kitchen, glad she could work in the dark; it made it easier to watch the drama in front of her unfold.

Elizabeth stopped just inside the living room, looking at her daughter whose attention seemed to be focused inward.  Elizabeth was glad for a moment to study Alex, noting fine lines around her eyes that hadn’t been there three years prior.  Then Alex turned her head and Elizabeth gasped at the pain she could see so clearly in the familiar blue eyes.

Alex didn’t move; Elizabeth could only manage slow motion.  One hand covered her mouth while the other reached towards Alex.  She took a step forward and that spurred Alex to rise, wanting to meet her mother standing firm.  She didn’t move to take Elizabeth’s hand, however; if Olivia was wrong, Alex would give her mother a free shot.  Then that would be the end of things between them.

Elizabeth walked closer, until she was within touching distance.  She reached up, watching Alex’s eyes carefully to see if her contact was going to be rejected.  When Alex didn’t move away, Elizabeth let her fingers gently trace her daughter’s face, smiling sadly when Alex’s eyes closed at her first touch.

“Oh, Alexandra... how I have missed you.  Are you home to stay this time?”

“Yes, Mother,” Alex answered softly, blinking her eyes open.  “I’m home for good.”

Elizabeth grinned.  “Well, it is definitely good for me, and for Olivia too, I think,” she confided.

“Good for me, too,” Alex confirmed.  “There were times I despaired of ever seeing New York... or O... anything I knew here... ever again.”  She took Elizabeth’s hand in her own and pulled them both down to the couch.  “I’m sorry I didn’t call.  I thought... I didn’t think you would want to see me again; not after I read the letter you gave Hammond.”

“Oh, Alexandra,” Elizabeth said, taking both of Alex’s hands in hers.  “I’m sorry; I never meant for you to think I hated you or wasn’t proud of you for what you had done.  I was angry – I was even angry at you for a while.  But I couldn’t hold on to that anger, Daughter.”  She paused.  “Now tell me about you and Olivia.”

“Oh shit... Olivia!  Where is she?”

Elizabeth chuckled quietly.  She had her answer just from Alex’s reaction, but she hoped to get a little more clarification eventually – just like she wanted to hear about what had happened to Alex while she was gone.  “In the kitchen; I think she wanted to give us a little privacy.  Besides, she was going to get dinner ready.”

“Be right back,” Alex said as she slipped from the couch and walked calmly into the kitchen, though both Elizabeth and Olivia could read the tension in her frame.  Olivia saw Alex coming and turned from what she was doing – just in time to find her arms full of emotional counselor.  She held on, returning the tight embrace fully.

“Hey... you okay?”  She kissed Alex’s temple.

“Better now,” she said.  “It’s just been a hell of a twenty-four hours.  I feel like I’m running on overload.”

“C’mon.  Let’s go have dinner with your mom, then we’ll see what we can do to make the last twenty-four hours a little better.”

“God, that sounds good.”  She loosened her grasp on Olivia’s waist and Liv let her grip lessen around Alex’s shoulders.  “What can I do to help?”

“Grab the wine and glasses.  Everything else is ready to go.”  Alex nodded, then she followed Olivia out of the kitchen and back into the living room where Elizabeth sat waiting patiently.  The three of them set up dinner and spent a few minutes in awkward silence.  Finally, Elizabeth couldn’t stand it anymore.

“All right... this is ridiculous.  Look, you two – I know what happened in Alexandra’s office yesterday.”  It was only Olivia’s swift reaction that kept Alex’s glass from hitting the floor.  “However,” Elizabeth continued as though unaware of Alex’s slip, “I would like to hear your versions.”

As casually as possible, Olivia slid a supporting arm around Alex’s shoulders, gratified but surprised when she immediately leaned into it.  She arched an eyebrow questioningly in Alex’s direction.  Alex just shook her blonde head at the true lunacy her life had suddenly become.  “I suppose coming out to my mother is the perfect way to top the drama this entire day has been.”

They exchanged wry glances.  This day really had been forever long already.  A moment’s silent communication, then Olivia turned back to Elizabeth who was watching their interaction with great interest.  “What did you hear and how did you find out?”

“Your friend Casey called,” answering Olivia’s second question first.  “She was... concerned... about you both.”  A beat.  “Maybe I should start by saying that it wasn’t exactly a surprise.”  That got both sets of eyes focused on her with an intensity she had seldom felt directed towards her, and she cleared her throat self-consciously.  “I’ve long suspected Alexandra’s true feelings for you, Olivia, and I’ve known what yours were for her since she came back for the Connor’s trial.  So does one of you want to tell me what happened in Alexandra’s office yesterday?”

“What did Casey tell you?”

“Only that you and Alex had had a serious blow-up and that the whole office had heard.”

Alex covered her eyes and leaned into Olivia’s shoulder.  “Of course they did.  Could this day possibly get any more...?”  Olivia clapped a hand over her mouth and Alex glared in her direction.  Olivia shook her head vehemently.

“Shh... please don’t say it; that’s like inviting more trouble.”  Alex’s eyes grew wide and Olivia felt her bite her bottom lip in alarm.  Olivia removed her hand and turned back to Elizabeth who was valiantly trying to contain  her laughter.  “I heard Alex was back.”  She paused, embarrassed in retrospect over how things had happened in Alex’s office.  Olivia shrugged.  “I went to confront her about things.”

“Things?  Would you care to elaborate?”

“Not really.”  Elizabeth held Olivia’s gaze and the detective sighed and turned to Alex.  “I see where you got that famous courtroom intensity from.”  She looked back at Elizabeth.  “I went to find out about Robert and why we didn’t even rate a phone call.”

“I see.”  Elizabeth motioned between the two of them.  “Apparently it all worked out?”

“Well, there are still some details we need to take care of, but yes.  I did not survive three years of misery not to grab what makes me happy in life – and Liv makes me happy.”

Elizabeth smiled.  “I can see that,” noting the difference in Alex just from Olivia’s presence.  “I never doubted that she wouldn’t.  Now,” before either of them could question her words, “how about the fortune cookies?  On the rare occasion I get Chinese food, that is always my favorite part; I always end up with the most ridiculous fortunes.”

Olivia looked around and realized she had left them in the kitchen.  “Damn,” she muttered.  “Be right back.”  She got up and skirted around the table, not realizing both Cabot women were watching her, though Elizabeth found watching Alex watch Olivia was much more interesting and enlightening.

“I like her, Alexandra.  She’s good people, very real.  I doubt you need it, but I want you to know the two of you have my blessing”

“Thank you, Mother.  It... that means a lot to me.  You’ll probably never know how much.”

“Do you two think we could do this again sometime?  I have a lot more questions, and to be honest, I have really enjoyed this.  Perhaps you could come to the penthouse?”  Olivia had walked back into the living room and heard the last part, and she looked at Alex and gave her response.  Alex turned back to Elizabeth.

“Thank you, Mother; we’d love to.”

Olivia held out her hands and let each of them choose their cookie before resuming her seat next to Alex.  “What?” she said when she caught Elizabeth’s questioning glance.

“Have you two always been able to do that?”

“Do what?” Alex queried as she opened her cookie and broke it in half.

“Read one another’s thoughts with a look.”  All movement stopped while the two of them considered her words.

“To some extent, yes,” Alex admitted slowly, “but not to this degree.”

“Weird,” Olivia concurred.  “But nice, too,” she quickly added when Alex lifted up the pillow beside her to smack Olivia with.

“Well, I think it’s precious,” Elizabeth announced as she opened up her fortune.  “Oh, I like this one.  Happier days are definitely ahead for you. Struggle has ended.”  She turned to her daughter, who was suddenly blushing the shade of a pomegranate.  “My goodness, Alexandra.  What on earth did your fortune say?  Or daren’t I ask?”

Alex cleared her throat.  “Tonight will be a lucky night.”  She wasn’t going to explain that Olivia had already slipped her fortune into Alex’s hand with a mischievous grin. This is a night for love and affection.  And Alex’s mind had shot off to the races without missing a beat.  Elizabeth just looked at her, blinking, then she cleared her throat to speak.

“Ahem, yes, well... on that note, I think I need to be going.  Do you think we could do this again Friday or Saturday night?”

“Would you like to come to a barbeque with us on Saturday?” Olivia asked unexpectedly.  “Elliot and Kathy are hosting it; just a chance for folks to get reacquainted with Alex again.  It’ll just be the guys from the squad and a few folks from the DA’s office.”

Elizabeth nodded.  “I’d like that; and maybe the two of you can come back to the penthouse with me for supper and more conversation?”

Olivia deferred to Alex who agreed with a nod.  “I’d like that... a lot actually.  There’s a lot I need to catch up on... and a lot you should know.”  She paused.  “You’re going to have to be patient with me.  Some of this....”

Alex found her mouth covered again – this time with her mother’s fingertip.  Elizabeth shook her head.  “Alexandra, how we get through this and how long it takes us doesn’t matter.  That we get through it together as a family does.  All right?”  Alex nodded.  “All right,” Elizabeth agreed.  “Now give your mother a hug and let me call Jax to come get me.  You too, Olivia,” motioning her forward when Liv tried to hang back.  “You’re part of the family too.”  She looked seriously into Olivia’s eyes.  “We’ll discuss that further too, but not tonight.  You both look like you have about reached your limit tonight.”  She pulled back and Alex picked up the phone when Olivia held on to Elizabeth.

“Thank you, Elizabeth,” came Olivia’s whispered acknowledgment of the truth of several of Elizabeth’s statements.  “How much do I...?”

“Olivia Benson, don’t you dare finish that sentence.  Dinner was my treat and well worth it for the time I spent with the two of you.  Understood?”

“Yes ma’am,” barely resisting the urge to salute.

“Good – now let me get out of here before I lose what is left of my resolve.  Be good to one another, okay?  And call me with the details for Saturday.  Or better yet, I will call Detective Stabler.  Nevermind,” she added with a smile.

“Mother, Jax is downstairs.”

“Very good; thank you, Alexandra.  I will talk to you two soon.”  She kissed them both on the cheek before opening the door and waving her fingers.  “Toodles!”  And she closed the door behind her before either of them could comment.

Finally they turned to one another.  “Toodles??” Alex asked.

“I don’t know,” Olivia confessed, “and to tell you the truth, I am too exhausted to figure it out.”  She shook her head.  “Why don’t you go run a hot bath and soak for a while?  It’ll help you relax.  I’ll clean up in here and we can cuddle when you get out.”

“No, Detective.  My fortune promised this would be my lucky night.  We’ll clean up in here and then we can see about taking a shower before bed.”

Olivia’s eyes widened at the implications and she immediately started piling dishes together.  There were far more important things she needed to be doing than spending time in the kitchen.  This would probably be a record for cleanup.  Alex just smiled; she loved the way Olivia reacted to her.  Then she closed the last carton and followed Liv to the kitchen, realizing that she reacted the same way to Olivia.  Tonight was going to be so wonderful.

************

That had been the plan anyway.  But the adrenaline burst they got from the anticipation of showering together wasn’t enough to overcome the exhaustion that the stress of the day had pushed them to.  Alex went into the bedroom first, pulling the bedcovers down then sitting down.  She groaned in relief, feeling her muscles relax.  She leaned back and closed her eyes.

Alex was sleeping soundly when Olivia entered the room two minutes later.  She leaned against the doorjamb for a long moment and just watched Alex sleep.  It brought a sappy, sentimental smile to her face and when she realized it, Olivia shook her head and shoved off the doorframe and crossed to Alex’s side.  She smoothed the hair off Alex’s forehead, smiling when blue eyes blinked slowly open.

“Damn... I fell asleep, didn’t I?”

“Yeah.”

Alex rubbed her eyes.  “I’m sorry, Liv.  Just give me....”

“Shh....”

“But....”

“Alex, we’re both so exhausted that sitting down makes keeping our eyes open impossible.  I’m not sure there are enough endorphins in the world to wake us up enough to enjoy anything more strenuous than cuddling together.  Besides,” she added with a shy smile, “we have all day tomorrow.  We don’t even have to get out of bed if we don’t want to.”

Alex grinned sleepily.  “That sounds wonderful.  I need to get up and take out my contacts, though.  I don’t like to sleep with them in.”

“Oh thank God,” Olivia muttered.  Alex squinted as she sat up.

“What?”

“Tell me you still have the glasses of justice.”

“Of course... why?”

“Because you make those glasses incredibly sexy.  I’ve always liked them on you.”

“I’ll remember that, Detective.”

“I hope so.  Now go take your contacts out, Alex.  I want to go to sleep with you in my arms.”

************

It was late morning before the sunshine awakened them, and they woke still wrapped around one another.  Olivia let her hands wander, barely brushing the skin of Alex’s torso.  Alex shifted slightly and Olivia took advantage of the movement, cupping a breast and letting her thumb circle the rapidly hardening nipple.  She savored the groan Alex made, smiling when Alex turned over onto her back, giving Olivia better access to her body.

Alex blinked open her eyes, her gaze adoring when they met Olivia’s.  “Good morning, Beautiful,” her voice husky from sleep.  She pulled Olivia up to meet her lips, then took possession of Liv’s mouth for a timeless moment.  When they separated, Alex traced Olivia’s face.  “God, I love you.”

Olivia’s smile was so big her eyes twinkled in response to Alex’s words.  “I love you, too.  And I think it’s time to show you.”

Olivia let her hands run over Alex’s body reverently, trying to memorize the smoothness and texture of Alex’s skin.  She paid careful attention, making a mental note of each place that drew a shudder or moan from Alex.

“Liv... don’t tease me.  I’ve waited too long to share this with you again already.”

“I’m not teasing, Alex.  I’m appreciating every... single... inch of you.”  Then she had to blink when she abruptly found herself on the bottom of an Alex-topped pile.  “But... um... Alex?  Sweetheart?” moaning when Alex started moving her hands down Olivia’s body with a sure, swift touch.

“Quiet, Detective.  The district attorney’s office has taken over this investigation and all the evidence needs a thorough exploration,” holding up her glistening fingers for Olivia to see.  Then Alex applied herself wholeheartedly to a complete and thorough examination of Detective Olivia Benson.

“Oh God, Alex,” Liv breathed when she was able to speak again.  Alex had been meticulous but fierce in her lovemaking, and Olivia’s release had burned through her body.  Alex had moved back up Olivia’s body to cradle her as she recovered and Alex took advantage of the time to tenderly study Liv closely with both her eyes and her hands.

Her skin was smooth, and though not flawless, still very beautiful.  There were a few more wrinkles, but Alex felt they only added to her beauty.  She combed through the lightened hair, wondering again at the reason behind the length before deciding it didn’t matter.  Alex traced Olivia’s eyebrows and down her cheekbones; brushing her fingertips over the freckles that dusted Olivia’s nose and across kiss-swollen lips.  Liv pursed her lips slightly and then gave Alex a silly grin.

Alex’s touch moved down her neck, tracing Olivia’s collarbone before shifting to breasts still tender from the intensity of their first round of lovemaking.  Olivia hissed and reached for Alex’s hand even as her back arched unconsciously into the touch that sent tingles straight to her groin.

“What are you trying to do to me?”

For answer, Alex twined their fingers together and eased them down Olivia’s torso, watching in fascination as the muscles danced and twitched under her touch.  “When I was put in witness protection, I spent months reliving our one night together.  Then I started dreaming about all the ways I wanted to love you.”  She turned her head to look into Olivia’s passion-darkened eyes with her own.  “That was just one; I have a whole list of others to try yet.”

Then Alex realized her hand was no longer moving down Olivia’s torso and she was no longer on her side looking down into brown eyes.  Instead, she was looking up into eyes that nearly scorched her with the intensity of their desire.

“Oh no, Counselor – this investigation belongs strictly to the police department, and due to your earlier breach of protocol, I want you to understand that this search and seizure will be excruciatingly slow and thorough.  Any further attempt to interfere will result in disciplinary action.”

“Why, Detective... that sounds like an invitation to be kinky.”

“Not this time, Alex, please?  I want this to be real between us.”

Alex could easily see the need in Olivia’s eyes and felt her own need reignite and multiply under that gaze.  She cupped Olivia’s face in her hand.  “No more games, Liv – just love me,” she whispered.

Olivia took gentle possession of Alex’s mouth, stroking and teasing with her tongue until Alex was compelled to thread her fingers into Olivia’s hair just to give her something stable to hold onto.  Liv drew back enough for them to look at one another for a long moment.  She didn’t speak; there was no need.  Alex could see so much in the eyes gazing into hers, unaware that hers were saying the same thing to Olivia.  Alex let one hand trace Olivia’s face, smiling when Liv clasped her hand and kissed her wrist.  Then Olivia started moving slowly down Alex’s body.  She covered Alex in kisses, ensuring she would feel well-loved over every part of her body and paying particular attention to those places that made Alex squirm and writhe and moan. 

Her lips nibbled Alex’s neck while her fingers traced around firm, round breasts.  Then Olivia’s mouth followed the path forged by her touch, and Alex let the sensations Olivia created wash through her body – over and over again.  And she decided, as the last waves of her release shuddered through her, that she was going to do every thing in her power to keep Olivia in her life – forever.  Olivia made her feel again – and made her feel things in her body, in her heart and in her soul that she had never felt before. 

She snuggled into Olivia’s arms when Olivia slid back up her body, reversing the touches and kisses until she reached Alex’s lips again.  “God, Liv - you make me feel so much... so beautiful.”

Olivia smiled.  “Good.  I don’t want you to ever forget.  Now, how do you feel about going down to Nita’s and getting some coffee and lunch?  Then we can come back here and pick up where we left off, maybe try something from your list.”  Dual growling from both stomachs present broke the tableau and caused both women to chuckle.  “I guess that means yes.”

Alex nodded.  “Can I interest you in a shower first?”  Olivia growled and rose from the bed, pulling Alex with her.  The bathroom door cut of the sounds of their squeals and giggles as they stepped into the shower.


Chapter V

“Ah... very good,” Nita exclaimed as they crossed the threshold.  “Come and I will get you lunch.”  Alex looked at Olivia, who nodded and shrugged, gesturing to Alex to follow Nita to a small table in the back.  “You want your regular, Olivia?”  She nodded and Nita turned to Alex.  “And you, chica... what can I get you?”

Alex held out her hand.  “I’m Alex, but you can call me chica,” smiling at Nita.  “What do you have?”

Nita took the proffered hand.  “Nice to meet you, chica Alex.  I am Nita.  Do you trust your friend Olivia?”

“With my life,” Alex said, sharing a private smile with Olivia.  Nita watched and gave them a smile of her own.

“Good.  Let her order for you.  I promise it will be good.  You will like it.”

Alex agreed.  “All right.  Whaddya say, Detective?”

“Give her an ‘Olivia Special’, Nita.  I think she can handle it.”  Alex arched her eyebrow, intrigued.  She couldn’t wait to see what this was going to be.

************

“Detective Stabler, this is Elizabeth Cabot.  Do you have a minute?”

“Absolutely, Mrs. Cabot.  What can I do for you?”

“Detective, I spoke with Olivia last night and she invited me to a get together on Saturday.  I was hoping you could give me the details and perhaps let me help with the provisions.  Before you refuse, I am making the offer because I’d like to be involved in some way, if possible, in welcoming my daughter home.”

Elliot stroked his chin.  This had become a far bigger endeavor than he had expected it to be, and though everyone attending was bringing something to contribute to the meal, he was still looking at a far greater expense than he had anticipated.  “All right,” he finally conceded.  “Would you like to call Kathy and arrange things with her?  She is actually in charge of provisioning this little get together.”

“If you don’t think she would mind the offer, I would love to meet her.  Do you think she would be available for lunch today?”

“I don’t know,” he said honestly.  “But let me give you her number.”  He paused.  “I’m glad you’ll be joining us, Elizabeth.”

“So am I, Detective.  Thank you for humoring an old lady... and for Kathy’s number.”

“Only you would be brave enough to call you an old lady, Elizabeth.  See you Saturday,” he said before hanging up.

“Who we be seeing Saturday?” Fin asked as he sat down at his desk.

“Elizabeth Cabot... Alex’s mother.”

“Sweet.”

“How’s the rest of the guest list shaping up?”  Elliot handed Munch the clipboard he was using to keep track of who was coming and what they were bringing.  Munch’s eyebrows popped over his glasses and into his hairline.  “Wow... seems like our girl Cabot is pretty popular.”

“Well, there’s that, and people are morbidly curious,” Casey verified from behind Elliot, where she had stopped when she overheard their conversation.  The three detectives turned to look at her.  She stared back at each of them.  “What?” she shrugged.  “They are.  The whole building’s heard about what happened day before yesterday.  No one wants to miss the next installment of the latest courtroom drama.”  She gave them a droll expression.  “Don’t tell me it hasn’t made the rounds here in the precinct.”

“Not really,” Elliot said.  “I didn’t see the need to share that information with anyone.  Munch and Fin knew enough of the truth about Olivia to figure things out on their own.  We protect our own, Counselor.”

“I’m not the enemy here, Elliot.  Most of the buzz I’ve heard is in their favor.”  She shrugged.  “The rest....”   She nodded to the captain who had opened his door to look for her.  “I’ll fill you in later.  I think you might want to know this.”

“C’mon, Counselor.  I’ve got other things on my plate today.  Stabler, I need that DD-5 on the Madison case yesterday.  Munch, will you join us please?”  Munch headed to Cragen’s office and Fin turned to answer the phone.  Stabler opened his notes to finish his report.

************

“Oh my God... you’re trying to kill me!” Alex groaned as they walked out of Nita’s place.  “What on earth was that and how on earth did you come up with that concoction?”

“That was the ‘Olivia Special’.  Did you like it?”  Olivia grinned as they headed back to her apartment with cookies for later. 

“It was wonderful, but how on earth did you come up with that combination of things?  I have never seen tomato, lettuce, cheese, grilled onion, beets, fried egg, bacon, a grilled pineapple ring and BBQ sauce on a hamburger before.”  She tucked her hand into the crook of Olivia’s elbow, smiling when Olivia ducked her head to hide the faint blush.

Olivia opened her mouth to reply but never got the opportunity.  The attack came out of nowhere unexpectedly.  Two men, slightly taller than both women, rushed them, knocking them apart.  The one who grabbed Alex shoved her against the wall, underestimating her ability because of her apparent frailty.  Olivia, on the other hand, was taken to the ground where her attacker jerked her by the hair of her head and started knocking the shit out of her.  His error was assuming she was unarmed.  One punch to her face, the second to her ribs, and he was staring down the barrel of her service revolver.

He tried to get up... to run away... but Liv tangled her legs with his and tripped causing him to slam his head into the concrete.  When she was sure he was down for the count, she turned to help Alex, then watched in awe as Alex busted the guy’s chops and pinned him to the ground.  They exchanged a wry look, then Liv snapped open her phone.

“Elliot?  I need you and a couple uniforms out near my place now.  Alex and I just got jumped.”  A beat.  “Yeah – one of the perps is unconscious.  Just get out here and pick up the trash.  I’ll give you the details when you get here, all right?”

There was a pause while he directed Fin to call dispatch for the uni’s and an ambulance. 
”We’ll be right there, Liv.”  She heard him holler to Cragen before his phone cut off.  She turned back to Alex. 

“You okay?”

“Peachy.”  The perp she was sitting on wiggled and she pushed her thumbnail into the soft skin behind his ear.  “Glad I learned pressure point defense.  How are you, Sweetheart?  Your nose is bleeding,” her tone and expression conveying far more concern than Olivia felt the injury warrented.  She shrugged and wiped at it, grimacing in distaste at the blood it left on her hand.

“Fucking dykes,” the man underneath her mumbled... then screamed when Alex ‘accidentally’ rolled her elbow over a soft spot on his spine.  Olivia’s eyebrows jumped, but before she could ask, a regular cruiser pulled up, followed almost immediately by Elliot and Fin in the sedan.

Fin took charge of the uniforms while Elliot went to check on Olivia and Alex.  He started for Alex first, but she waved him off.  And seeing the blood on Liv’s face, he changed direction immediately.  He wasn’t surprised to feel Alex pass him as soon as the uniform had taken custody of the perp she had apprehended.  She took Olivia in her arms and Liv leaned into Alex with a sense of relief.

“Liv?” he asked as he passed her his handkerchief.  “What happened?”  The arrival of the ambulance interrupted them.  By this point, the man Olivia had taken down was coming around, cursing and muttering invectives about lesbians, police officers and life with women generally.  Elliot’s brows rose and he turned back to Olivia.  “You think this was a random crime?”

Olivia flinched away from the paramedic who was trying to stop the bleeding from her nose and lip.  She glared at him and he shrugged.  “Sorry, ma’am.  I need to get it under control and if you don’t want me to pack it....  We do need to take you in for x-rays though.”

Before she could reject the idea out of hand, Alex spoke up.  “I’ll make sure she gets there.  We’ll go with the detective.”

“Alex, I don’t need to go to the hospital.  It’s a bloody nose.”

“And bruised ribs, Liv.”

“I’m fine, Alex.  Let’s just go to the station.  If it still hurts when we’re done there, I’ll go to the hospital with you without a word of protest.  ‘Kay?”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

“Whipped,” Elliot muttered just loud enough for Olivia to hear.  “OW!” louder when Olivia punched him.  “What was that for?”  She just glared at him and Elliot snickered.  “C’mon, Liv.  Let’s get you both to the precinct and get your statements.  This one should be open and shut.”

************

“I want another day off,” Olivia grumbled as they made their way upstairs to the apartment.  It was almost sunset; they had spent the entire afternoon at the station.  Their statements hadn’t taken long and identifying the perps had been easy.  Even getting statements from the suspects had been fairly easy; it was kinda of hard to deny guilt when you were caught in the act by a police officer and an officer of the court.

But everyone who had heard what happened felt the need to stop by the one-six to check on them and that led to conversation and visiting that had eaten away into their day.  Finally, sensing Olivia’s aggravation and feeling like she was on her own last nerve, Alex decided they had been there long enough and took Olivia by the arm.

“C’mon, Detective.  I think we need to get those ribs looked at.”  She actually had no intention of taking Olivia anywhere but home, but the declaration was enough to clear the room and allow them to escape with a wave to Elliot.

“Cragen would probably give you another day or two,” Alex said as she pushed the door open.  “How do you feel, Sweetheart?”

“Like some pissant hit me.”  She grinned crookedly, wincing slightly when it pulled on the split lip.  “Not bad, really.  A little sore, a little pissed and a lot confused.”  She locked the door behind them and followed Alex to the kitchen.

“Wine?”

“Scotch, actually.”

“Something to take the edge off?”

“Yeah, and since Dumb and Dumber turned Nita’s cookies to crumbs, I’m going for the quick fix.”  They poured their drinks and walked back into the living room.  Alex put her drink down on the side table, sat down in one corner of the couch and patted her lap.  Olivia smiled and gladly obliged, putting down her drink and sighing in relief when she found a comfortable position and Alex started gently combing through her hair.  “God, that feels wonderful.”

Alex leaned down and brushed a kiss over Olivia’s forehead.  “Good... I’d like to make you feel better if I could.”

Liv smiled.  “Just you being here again makes me feel better, Alex.  It’s worth everything – even the bumps and bruises.”

Alex smiled and kept up her combing, adding a light massage when she reached Olivia’s neck.  “Can I ask you something?”  Liv opened one brown eye and waited.  Alex shook her head and ran a finger over her eyelid, forcing it closed again.  “Why did you grow your hair out?”  Both eyes popped open this time and Olivia took the time to study the expression in Alex’s eyes.

Finally satisfied that honest curiosity was the motivating factor for asking the question, she clasped Alex’s free hand to her chest and closed her eyes again.  “I dunno; I guess I figured it didn’t really matter.  It wasn’t like I had anyone who really cared how I looked anymore.”

“Oh, Liv....”  Alex took a deep breath.  “Would you be highly offended if I asked you to cut it shorter?  I have a picture of you... it’s my favorite.  I managed to keep it hidden from Jack – I kept it with me while I was gone.  Your hair is shorter, neck length, wispy, longish bangs....”

Olivia smiled.  “I’ll do whatever you want, Alex, but you have to keep yours the length it is.  I always loved yours long.”

“You’ve got yourself a deal, Detective.  Saturday morning before the get together at Elliot’s?”

“It means that much to you, Sweetheart?” reading the truth in the blue eyes gazing down at her.  “Sure – we can go Saturday.”  A knock on the door interrupted the conversation and they exchanged glances.  Before Olivia could even speculate out loud, a key rattled in the lock and Elliot called out.

“Olivia?  Alex?”

“C’mon in, El,” not shifting from her place on Alex’s lap.  He managed to keep a straight face, though Olivia could see the twinkle in his eyes.  “Help yourself to a drink; you know where everything is.”

He poured two fingers of good whiskey into a tumbler and plopped down into the deep recliner with a groan.  “Damn... long day.”  He grinned.  “You look comfortable though.  How you doing?”

“I’ll live.”

“You damn well better, Detective,” Alex interrupted unexpectedly.  “We waited too long for this to be real for anyone to take it away from us now.”

Elliot cleared his throat.  “Actually, that is partly why I stopped by.  Liv, do you think this was a random crime... that the perps were just stupid and unlucky enough to pick an armed police officer as a victim?  Or do think you and Alex were specific targets?”

“A hate crime?” Alex stated as much as she asked.

“Maybe,” Olivia answered.  “There was something not right about them.”  The interview had been disturbing.  When pressed, however, neither man was willing to give any detail as to why Alex and Olivia had been targeted and the police still weren’t sure what exactly was behind the attack.

“Like?”

“I don’t know,” Liv confessed.  “But it’s making my shoulder blades twitch.”

“Yeah, mine too.  I wanted to be sure it wasn’t just me.  However, if we’re lucky, putting them away will put an end to whatever they were involved in.”

“El... we’re never that lucky,” Olivia commented wryly.

“Oh, I wouldn’t say that, Detective,” Alex whispered, though Elliot heard her and he flushed.

“<Ahem> And on that note, I’m heading out of here,” he said, putting his empty tumbler on the table.  “Cap said not to rush in tomorrow if you were feeling bad.  Glad to see you’re in good hands, Liv.  Don’t get up – I found my way in; I can see myself out.”

“Goodnight, El.”

“Night, ladies.”

They waited until he pulled the door closed behind him before they shifted and Liv sat up with a groan.  Alex picked up her wine and Liv grabbed her whiskey before Alex stood and extended her hand.  “C’mon, Detective.  I want you to soak in a warm bath to help with the soreness while I find us something for dinner.  And then I am going to love you as slowly and gently and thoroughly as you loved me this morning.  I want you to feel all the love I have for you, Olivia Benson; and how outrageously glad I am to be in your life again... and to have you in mine.”

Olivia cleared her throat.  “You keep sweet talking to me like that, Counselor.  I think we may need to have a talk sooner rather than later.”

“Whenever you’re ready, Liv,” Alex replied seriously, cupping the dark, smooth cheek.  “I’ve done all the thinking about this I need to do already; I made my decision a long time ago.”  She lowered her voice and gave Olivia a sultry, teasing grin.  “Don’t worry; it works out in your favor... promise.”

Liv dropped her eyes to the ground, but she couldn’t stop the smile that spread across her lips as she melted at the words.  “Ya know – you’re ruining my reputation as a hard ass.  Word’s gonna get out and everyone will call me Detective Sergeant Mushball instead.”

Alex laughed.  “That’s okay, Sweetheart.  It will go very well with Bureau Chief Love Muffin.”  Now Olivia laughed, wincing only a little from the pain in her face and her ribs.  Today the world had invaded, and tomorrow they would be back in the real world, but tonight there was only one another, and she was determined to make it last as long as she could.

She leaned forward and pecked Alex’s lips.  “I have a counteroffer, Counselor.  Let’s find something for dinner and have it delivered in an hour; then we can go and share that warm bath.”

“You sure an hour will be long enough, Detective?”

“I’m sure I’m going to need food by then.  Now, do you feel like Italian or steak?”

“You choose; I’m going to go run the bath water.  Come in as soon as you’re done.”  Olivia stopped at the kitchen and Alex continued on to the bedroom.  She wanted to make it special for both of them.  Alex went immediately into the bathroom and turned on the taps, throwing in a handful of bath salts and letting the water dissolve them as the steam started filling the room.  She moved back out to the bedroom, wishing their day had not been so screwed so she would have had time to make a few plans.  Instead, she pulled the covers back and hunted up a few candles, making a mental note to pick up more at her earliest possible convenience.

When they were lit in strategic places around the room, Alex went back into the bathroom to keep an eye on the water level.  Nothing would ruin the evening faster than having to clean up a flooded bathroom.  And she wanted Olivia to relax.  She had the distinct creepy-crawly feeling that today’s incident had a much deeper, darker meaning – and that it meant nothing but trouble.

Olivia stepped into her bedroom... and froze – mouth open in shock.  She hadn’t realized she had so many candles in the house.  She’d have to ask Alex where she’d found them all; they certainly set the mood.  Olivia smiled.  She’d never had a lover who cared for her like Alex did, even in the earliest stages of newfound lust.  Then her expression fell.  Truth was she’d never had a relationship that lasted past first lust; she wondered how long this would last.

“That’s a very pensive expression you’re wearing, Detective,” Alex said as she crossed the bathroom threshold and came to a stop within Olivia’s personal space, reaching out to touch her.  Alex smiled when Olivia leaned into her hand.  “What’s wrong, Liv?”

“This,” she answered without thinking, then covering Alex’s hand with hers before she could move.  “Not us,” she reassured, frightened by the amount of pain she saw in the blue eyes facing her.  “God no, Alex.  This – us - is the only thing I’m sure of in the whole world.  I’ve just... this is all so new, so different.  I’ve never had someone in my life who has ever tried to or even wanted take care of me the way you have, and you’ve only been here for two days.”  She sighed.  “I’m afraid it won’t last.”

“Oh, Liv... this is all new to me as well.  Remember, I was the Ice Princess before I left; very few people tried to see past that.  So whaddya say we learn together and we’ll make it last forever?  I could get used to the idea of forever with you.”

“I want longer than forever,” Liv whispered.  “But forever is a good start.”  She looked at Alex when she said it, allowing Alex to see the painful, intense honesty of her words.  Alex didn’t answer with audible language; instead she cupped both cheeks in her hands and kissed Olivia all over her face, mindful of the split lip and busted nose.  Olivia just clasped Alex’s arms and held on, letting the sensations wash over and through her.

“This isn’t moving too fast for you, is it, Liv?” Alex whispered into Olivia’s ear.  “I don’t want you to feel rushed or do something you’re going to regret.”  She pulled back enough that she could gaze into dark brown eyes.  “I had three years to think about this – to come to a decision on what I wanted if I was ever given the opportunity for there to be an us again.”

“And I had three years to regret all the missed opportunities we never took before you left.  I’m not going to spend the rest of my life regretting, Alex.  I wasted enough time doing that.”  Olivia looked down, then up again.  “So no... this is not moving too fast.”

“That’s the answer I was hoping to hear,” Alex confessed, sliding her arms down Olivia’s until their fingers tangled together.  “C’mon... the bath is drawn and I want to get you in there to soak for a little while before dinner gets here.  You’re going to be sore enough in the morning as it is.”

“Yeah, and I don’t want the Cap to give me desk duty.  I hate desk duty,” Liv whined.  Alex just chuckled.  “What?” Olivia asked in the same whiney tone.

“You’re whining.”

“No I’m not.”

“Yes, you are... like a five year old child.  The difference is on you it’s cute.”  She tugged on their joined hands and pulled them both back into the bathroom.  Liv took as deep a breath as her sore ribs would let her and smiled. 

“Wow!”

“C’mon... let’s get you undressed and in the water.”

“You just want an excuse to get me naked again.”

“Really, Detective?” Alex smirked.  “I’m glad to see your injuries haven’t interfered with your deductive reasoning skills.”

“Smartass,” Liv muttered, reaching to remove her shirt, only to find her hands slapped away by a rather demanding lawyer.  Alex chortled.

“Oh, Detective... if you’re just figuring that out, you’re due a very steep learning curve.  Raise your arms, please.”  Olivia did so slowly and Alex pulled up the shirt – only to wince and gasp when she saw the bruising.  “Oh, Liv....”

“Yeah... it’s a little sore.”

“I’ll bet,” gently stroking the warm flesh and watching it tremble at her touch.  “Are you sure you don’t need to see a doctor about this, Sweetheart?  It looks really bad.”

Olivia tipped Alex’s chin up until their eyes met, seeing so much compassion in the blue eyes looking back at her.  “I’m sure, love.  They’re not broken – just sore.  But thank you for caring so much.”

“All right,” Alex nodded after a moment.  “Let’s get you in the tub to start soaking,” starting to remove the remainder of Olivia’s clothes.

“Wait... I thought you were joining me,” Liv said as she climbed in and stretched out with a groan.  “God, that feels so good.”

“I am,” Alex said.  “I am just going to bring us each a glass of wine first.  Then we can just relax and soak for a while before the food arrives.”

“You take amazing care of me, Alex.”

“You taught me how, Liv.  And one day when we don’t end up spending our time off at the station, I am going to pamper you with decadence.”

She was out the door before Olivia could respond.  That was probably for the best though.  Olivia was too busy blinking, trying to decide if she would survive any more pampering.  Then she decided it would be a hell of a way to die, and she disappeared under the water with a shit-eating grin on her face.


Chapter VI

Alex couldn’t stop the wry smile that crossed her face as she shook her head and closed the folder in front of her, moving it to the ‘read’ pile and reaching for the next one.  These kids were so young; so green; so idealistic – and their resumes read like they had been stamped from a cookie cutter.

She sighed.  She didn’t remember being so young... or so idealistic... though there were still days she certainly felt that green.  Looking through these resumes, however, she felt old – much older than someone who hadn’t even reached thirty-three should feel.

Alex opened the next folder and picked up her pen once more, making notes of the pros and cons of the candidate.  She was so deep in thought, she missed the knock on the door, and only when Arthur stuck his head in did she realize he was there.

“Alexandra?”

She looked up and removed her glasses, dropping them on her desk and motioning him in with a smile at the same time.  “Arthur... come in, please.  What can I do for you?”

He didn’t move, gesturing to her desk.  “Are you busy?  We can come back.”

WE?  Who the hell is WE?  She shook her head and picked up her glasses.  “Nothing that can’t wait,” she admitted as she closed the file.  “I was just going over the resumes for the new applicants.”

Arthur nodded, satisfied that her work could wait for a couple minutes while they attended to the unpleasant matter that had been brought to his attention.  He stepped into the room, followed by DEA agent Jack Hammond.  The smile that Alex had been wearing fell, and her expression became the stoic mask that she had always worn to court.

“Ms Cabot,” he finally offered, not extending his hand knowing instinctively it wouldn’t be accepted.

“Agent Hammond,” she conceded.  She turned back to look at Arthur.  “What is going on?”

“If I could, sir,” Jack asked.  Arthur motioned for him to continue.  “Ms Cabot, I got a rather frantic phone call from Robert the other evening.  Would you like to explain to me what happened exactly?  Because I thought we had a deal.”

“So did I, Agent Hammond, but since you and your agency saw fit to break your part of the agreement, I no longer feel bound by mine.  You’ll have to find another way to make your operation work because I am no longer willing to be a part of it.”

“Alexandra....”
“Ms Cabot....”

Both men spoke simultaneously, but Alex slapped the flat of her palm on the desk and glared at them both. “NO!!” she stated fiercely.  “I’ve done my bit for the DEA and for the DA’s office.  There is nothing either of you can say to make me change my mind on this, especially since I never should have agreed to it in the first place.  I will quit my position here before I allow you to try to maneuver me into doing anything further.  Is that clear?”

“Alexandra, let’s not be hasty....”

“I’m not being hasty, Arthur.  I am finally taking charge of my life again.  I love my work here as a prosecutor, but you know as well as I do that I don’t need to work for a living.  And even if I did, there are plenty of offers from private firms that would leave me with a lot less stress.”

“All right, Alexandra... all right.”  He held up his hands in surrender.  “You’re absolutely right on all counts.  May I ask what changed your mind?  I was given to understand you were thrilled with the idea of being part of the operation to take out Rivera.”

“I was at first,” she responded honestly, knowing Jack was listening to every word.  “It was such a high to be a part of taking Velez out of the picture, especially since he was the reason I had been banished.  But the days grew into weeks and then months while I tried in vain to get back to New York, and the prospect of continuing lost a lot of its luster because of all the bureaucracy involved.  Worse than working for the state of New York, Arthur – I swear; I wasn’t even allowed to call and let anyone know what was happening.  But the kicker was the fact that Agent Hammond and the DEA broke their word to me; I no longer have any obligation to them or the operation.”

Hammond opened his mouth to speak to try and defend his actions.  Alex glared at him, blue eyes burning, and hissed, “Don’t!  There’s no excuse, and you almost cost me everything that was important to me - again.”

“I heard,” he nodded, “and I’m sorry about that.  Believe it or not, I personally had nothing to do with the story that leaked out.”

“Then I suggest you look at your operatives and figure out which of them is the mole.  And you might want to keep a really close eye on Robert.  He started acting like he thought he was really my fiancé, then was foolish enough to go after me in front of Detective Benson; she took him down like a dog.”

“Maybe we should....”

“NO!  You leave her alone.”

This time it was Jack that held up his hands in defense; Arthur covered his mouth so no one could see he smile at Alex’s ferocity.  He had forgotten how much he had missed it.  “All right, all right.  We’ll keep the good detective out of things.  May I ask – did you do anything to provoke Robert?”

“Aside from telling him I was no longer interested in playing the part of his fiancée?  No.”

Hammond nodded.  “All right.  I’ll make sure he understands to steer clear of both of you.  We’ll find another way to make this operation work.  I’m sorry we couldn’t have worked it out, but I do understand your reasons.  I had a home and a family once.”  Jack rose and extended a hand that Alex accepted this time.  “Ms Cabot, take good care of yourself and that detective of yours.  You both deserve a lot of happiness after what you went through to be together.”

“Thank you, Agent Hammond.”

He released her hand and nodded to the District Attorney.  Then he walked out the door and closed it behind him firmly.  Arthur met Alex’s cool, blue eyes.  “I’m glad you’re on our side.”

Alex rubbed her eyes and put her glasses on again, then gave Branch a wry smirk.  “Somehow I doubt Agent Hammond feels the same way.”

“You might be surprised, Alexandra.  He shouldn’t have taken advantage of your vulnerability to recruit you and he damn sure should have made sure your detective friend was clear on what was going on.  But I don’t think he expected the outcome he just got either.  I know he has a grudging respect for you; you’re a rare thing in his line of work.”

“A stubborn, obtuse and obnoxious lawyer?” recalling those adjectives being hurled her way more than once during her tenure with the DEA in Florida.  Arthur chuckled.

“I’m sure that crossed his mind a time or two, but that wasn’t what I meant.  Alexandra, despite everything, yours is a success story.  Those don’t happen very often.  Try to give him the benefit of the doubt.”  Alex shook her head but didn’t say anything.  “Enough about that.  How are you settling in otherwise?  It hasn’t exactly been a smooth transition for you.  The entire building knows there was a blowout between you and Detective Sergeant Benson, and the rumor mill has been churning for two days with you taking personal time.”  She glared at him and he held up a hand.  “I’m on your side.  I just wanted you to know what was going on; I was concerned.”

Alex’s shoulders sagged.  “I know, Arthur; I’m sorry.  I’m not sure how people are going to react, and this is all so new.  I haven’t had a chance to settle... much.”

Branch leaned forward in the chair and clasped his hands between his knees.  “Alexandra, I think you will find that most people here don’t care except as it livens up the gossip mill for a few days.  Something new will happen in another day or two and push it off the radar.  Now seriously, how are you coping?  You really have been through a lot in a very short amount of time.”

“I know, but honestly, Arthur... I’m all right.  I took care of the part that was most important to me.  Everything else will fall into place.”

Arthur smiled.  “I think I like the new you, Alexandra.  It really is good to have you home.”  He rose.  “I’ll let you get back to work.  How is that coming, by the way?” gesturing to the stack of folders.  Alex covered her eyes, trying not to smudge her glasses.  Then she pulled them off and dropped them on the desk again.

“I don’t remember being that young.”

Arthur laughed from deep in his belly.  “You were, Alexandra, I promise you, and not all that long ago either.  I need to get back to work, but I’ll see you on Saturday.”

“You’re coming?” Alex asked, surprise in her voice.  Arthur Branch wasn’t known for socializing outside his social circle.  And while Alexandra Cabot fit into that circle easily, the detectives of the Special Victims Unit did not.  He stopped and looked back at her with his hand on the doorknob.

“I wouldn’t miss it; I’m honored they thought to include me.”  Then he was gone, closing the door quietly behind him.  Alex stared at the closed door for a long moment and then shook her head and got back to work.

************

“Hey, Slugger... how ya feeling?”

“Bite me, El,” Olivia replied with a smile as she walked slowly in the precinct door.  Truth was, she was still sore, though Alex had ensured she was relaxed to the point of complete lassitude throughout her body.  She picked up her coffee cup and wiped it out then filled it with whatever was in the pot.  She took a cautious sip and grimaced, then crossed back to her desk and sat down.  “Actually, I don’t feel too bad.  Still pissed it happened.”

“Good morning, sunshine,” Munch said as he and Fin came into the station.  Fin dropped a bag on her desk before crossing to his and hanging his jacket on the chair. 

“How ya doing, Liv?”

“Not bad, Fin, thanks.  And thanks for the sugar fix,” passing him the bag.  Then she looked back at Elliot.  “So what’s on tap today?”

“Benson! Stabler!  My office now!” Cragen called from the doorway.  Everyone watched them walk into the captain’s office, then they all turned back to their work.  Cragen remained silent until he shut the door behind them, gesturing them to take a seat.

“How do you feel, Olivia?” he asked, clasping his hands in front of him on the desk.

“I’m fine, sir.”  He looked at her carefully and she held his eyes, knowing he would bench her if she showed any sign of weakness.  He finally nodded, convinced, and leaned back.

“All right.  Did you get everything else taken care of that you needed to?”

“I have made enough progress on that front to be satisfied with the situation at the moment, sir.  I believe the rest will sort itself out with a little time and effort.  It won’t interfere with my duties.”

“Very well.”  He turned to Elliot.  “I need you to get back out there with Deacon and get me something on the Brooks case.  We need a break on it.  Olivia, I have a different assignment for you.”  Her brow rose in question, but she waited quietly.  “I know you want to be out in the field today, and actually that was the plan until about ten minutes before you walked in.”

“Sir?”

“Stabler, get back to it.  I want something by the end of the day.  Benson, you’re with me.”

They walked out of Cragen’s office; Elliot spared Olivia a concerned look before moving on to Deacon’s desk.  Liv followed Cragen out the door and up to the crib.

“Girlfriend’s not gonna be happy ‘bout this.”

Munch shook his head at his partner.  “No, but she’s the best chance we’ve got at getting anything out of those kids.”  Elliot overheard and excused himself from Deacon.

“What’s going on?”

“The call Fin and I took this morning at five-thirty a.m. – woman raped and strangled by someone we suspect might have been her husband.  Meanwhile, there were three kids in the house when it happened.  The only one who could get close to them was a female paramedic.”

“You think they saw something?”

“Given their reaction to every man that came near them?  Yeah.”

“So why not call Liv to the scene?  You know she would have come.”

“Cap gave us orders to wait til she got here.  After what happened yesterday, he didn’t want to bring her in early if it wasn’t necessary, and Rochelle was happy to stay here until Olivia arrived.”

Stabler nodded.  “Well, I’ve gotta get to work.  Call me if something comes up.”  He turned to see Deacon standing behind him.  “C’mon, Deac.  Let’s go see if we can find something to break this case so the Cap is happy.”

Cragen explained the situation to Olivia as they mounted the stairs slowly and they stood at the door watching for a moment before Rochelle saw them and stood with an infant in her arms.  “You must be Detective Benson,” she whispered.  “I’m Rochelle.  And this little angel is actually Angel.  The older one,” nodding towards a child of about six, “is Sammie.  And her brother,” tilting her head at the four-year-old, “is Paulie.  C’mon... I’ll introduce you.”

Rochelle deposited the whimpering baby in Liv’s arms before she could protest and took her by the arm to lead her closer to the two children.  “Have they said anything?” Olivia asked in a whisper, rocking the baby to soothe her.  Rochelle shook her head.

“Not since I arrived on scene.  Apparently, they screamed and ran from each of the males who tried to approach them; a female paramedic unit was requested and they came right to me as soon as I walked in the door.  But they haven’t said anything.  A neighbor gave us their names and ages.”

Olivia nodded and followed Rochelle to the table where the two kids sat coloring quietly.  Olivia couldn’t see anything in the colored lines and squiggles, but knew Huang might be able to discern something.  She knelt down beside Rochelle and waited for the youngsters to look at them.

“Hey guys... this is my friend Olivia and she’s gonna stay with you a while, ‘kay?  She’s not a paramedic like I am, but she is a detective, so she’s pretty cool too.”  Liv couldn’t stop the smirk that formed at Rochelle’s words then smirk turned to a genuine smile when both tow headed children looked directly at her with eyes so blue she was reminded of Alex.

“Wow... you’re pretty!” Paulie said. “Are you really a detective?”

Sammie grabbed Paulie’s arm.  “Shh, Paulie.”

“But Sammie....”

“It’s okay, Sammie,” Olivia reassured her.  “I really am a detective.  They gave me a badge and everything – wanna see it?”

“They let girls be detectives?”

“Yep.  Let me put Angel down on the bed,” looking at the infant who had fallen asleep in her arms, then at the makeshift baby’s bed Rochelle had prepared for her on the cot.  “Then I’ll show you my badge.”  She placed the child carefully in the center of the nest of pillows and covered her lightly; then she reached for her badge, noting both older kids shrink away from her.  “Hey... it’s okay; it’s just my badge, I promise.”  They didn’t move any further away from her, but the fear didn’t leave their eyes either.  “I tell you what – Sammie, would you like to come get the badge?”

Rochelle and Cragen watched in fascination from the doorway as the kids slowly succumbed to Olivia’s spell.  Sammie gingerly walked towards her, keeping a wary eye on Olivia’s face and hands, before she snatched the badge from Olivia’s belt and rushed back to Paulie.  Liv stood perfectly still and slowly the two children gravitated back towards her.

“She’s amazing,” Rochelle said.  “She’s gotten more response from them in ten minutes than I saw from them in half an hour – except for their initial reaction.”

Cragen nodded and took her arm to lead her downstairs away from the crib.  “She’s got a gift for dealing with the youngest victims, a true empathy, and kids recognize that.  But thank you for staying with them until she got here.  The police department appreciates it.”  He extended his hand to her as they reached the precinct doors.  She accepted it and shook it.

“I was glad to do it, sir.  Will they be okay?  I mean, they checked out physically and all, but....”

“I don’t know,” Cragen answered honestly.  “Their grandmother should be here before the end of the day, we hope.  She lives somewhere in the mid-west.”

“Hey, Ro... you ready?  We need to roll,” called a voice from the door of the interview room where Rochelle’s male partner had been finishing up their paperwork.

“Yeah, Rod.  Call us in. See ya, guys,” she said, waving to the detectives as they left.  Cragen turned to Munch and Fin.

“Tell me you found the grandmother.”

“We think so, Cap.  We got a call into her.”

“Good.  Keep me informed.”  Then he disappeared into his office.

************

Alex looked up at the knock on her door.  She had made good progress on the stack of applicants, so she didn’t mind the interruption.  She just hoped it wouldn’t be like the earlier one.  One of those in a day was more than enough.  Then Casey stuck her head in the door, and Alex’s eyebrows went to her hairline before her good manners kicked in.

“Ms Novak?  Something I can do for you?” folding her hands on the desk.

“Call me Casey for starters.  May I come in?”

“Please... have a seat.”

Casey crossed the threshold and stopped.  “Actually I came to invite you to lunch.”

Alex swallowed the questions that immediately came to mind.  “Um... sure.  I’d like that.  Thank you, Casey.”

“No problem.  I remember what it was like to be the new kid trying to fill your shoes.  I can’t imagine what it is like for you being the new kid again trying to live up to your own reputation.”

Alex looked at her wryly.  “You’d think it would be easy just to be me again.  Somehow I don’t think it’s going to work like that.”

“Probably not,” Casey concurred.  “C’mon... clock’s ticking.”

“You in court today?” Alex asked, well remembering her own days in the SVU and the time she spent in court unendingly.

“No, for a change,” Casey said as they exited the building together and headed for the small deli nearby.  “Of course, I’m going to pay for it tomorrow.  Three briefs due and two arraignments.  The only reason I missed doing an opening argument is because Petrovsky didn’t want to start a trial on Friday afternoon.”

“Ow,” Alex commiserated with a chuckle.  “I do remember those days.  I don’t miss that part, although I do miss sparring with Petrovsky.”

“And being sent to jail by her?”  Casey laughed when Alex cut her eyes in her direction.  “Sorry... it was one of the first things I heard about you.  You really are quite a legend.”

“I really was quite an idiot; it could have cost me everything.”

“It didn’t... may I call you Alex?”  The blonde head nodded.  “It didn’t, and that just added to your legend, Alex.”

They found an open table and snagged it quickly.  “Yes, but I’m not a legend, Casey.  I’m just a woman.”

“An extraordinary woman, Alex – you have to admit that.  I don’t know if you realize the impact you have had on so many lives because of your life and death and life again. However, even extraordinary women need friends.  So do you think we could be friends?”

Their waitress came over to take their orders before Alex could respond.  Once she was gone, Alex tilted her head thoughtfully and met Casey’s eyes.  “I thought we were already well on our way to being friends.  Casey, you didn’t have to warn me about Olivia, and you didn’t need to stand up for me when I went to Arthur about it.”

“You heard about that?” Casey ducked her head, blushing.

“Oh yes.  Several times, in fact – the first from Arthur himself.  Thank you for that, by the way.”

“I had to,” Casey confessed.  “I owed a debt.”

“To me?” Alex asked as their food arrived.  Casey shook her head.

“To Olivia.  She was nice to me when she had no reason to be.”  She paused and Alex waited, hoping Casey would continue after she had a few minutes to eat.  Finally their eating slowed and Casey returned her attention to Alex.  “Sorry... I was starving.”  She took a long drink and sighed.  “When I was first brought into the SVU, Olivia was devastated.  They all were to some degree, and there was a great deal of resentment at my presence in the unit.  Olivia came out of her shell of grief long enough to take the time to explain to me why everyone was being so hateful.”  Casey shrugged.  “Most of us only had the barest of details as to what happened and how you died.  She made me realize exactly what the SVU lost when you died.”

“Did you know about us?  Olivia and me, I mean.”

“Olivia never said a word about it, if that’s what you’re asking.  She didn’t have to.  It was clear in every word she said; in every nuance of her voice when she spoke about you.  And it gave me a very clear reason why she especially had such animosity towards me.  But she also made a real effort to see me beyond your replacement.  We eventually became friends.”

“She’s a good friend to have,” Alex said softly, signaling to the waitress and offering her card as she made a quiet request.

“Alex, I invited you to lunch.”

“Yes, but I’m taking something with me for Olivia so....”

“Well, thank you.  Next time it will be my treat.  And you’re right – she is a good friend to have.  She got Serena to give me wardrobe advice.”

Alex’s eyes went to her hairline.  Though she had always loved the way Olivia dressed for her work as a detective, it could in no way be considered ‘courtroom fashionable’.  She did have a wonderful sense of style although she rarely commented on anything unless it was hideous.  Casey watched the thoughts run through Alex’s mind, correctly guessing the path they were taking.

“Trust me,” she said, patting Alex’s arm as the waitress came back with a bag and they stood to leave.  “It really was that bad.  She did me a huge favor, and by having Serena approach me, she left me my dignity.”  At Alex’s confused look, Casey smiled and continued.  “Serena and I went to college together, but we lost touch when we went to law school.  So Olivia did me a double favor by reintroducing me to an old friend.”

“How is Serena? I haven’t had a chance to catch up with her yet.”

“Much happier now that she is out of the DA’s office and in private practice.  You’ll be seeing her Saturday.  She was on the list of people who were invited to the party.”

“I’m looking forward to that,” Alex confessed as she flagged down a taxi.  “I feel like I have been running nonstop, without going anywhere or seeing anyone.  It’ll be nice to have a little time to decompress and see some friendly faces.”  A taxi pulled up in front of them.  “I’m going to the one-six.  Would you like a ride?”

“No... too much work still to do.  Thank you for lunch.”

“Thank you for inviting me.  We’ll do it again.”  She stepped into the cab and gave the cabbie the address.  Casey watched them merge back into traffic, then turned and headed back to her office.  Despite what she had implied to Alex, she had a ton of work to do.  But it had been worth it.


Chapter VII   

The noise level in the one-six when she crossed the threshold was just like Alex remembered it always being on any given day.  She looked around and noted her four favorite detectives were all missing, but before she could open her mouth to ask a question, Cragen called to her from his doorway.

“Alex, everything okay?”

“I was, um... looking for Olivia,” holding up the bag.  “I brought her some lunch.  I guess I should have called first to make sure she would be here.  I think I’m a little out of practice with how things work around here.”

Cragen smiled.  “Actually, she’s here; she’s in the crib.  C’mon, I’ll explain it on the way up.”  He gave Alex the bare-bones story and Alex smiled when they reached the door.  Olivia sat curled up on the bottom bunk with a sleepy looking child on either side of her and a baby in her lap.  She was trying to read, quite a feat since she was sitting mostly in shadows, but she was doing a credible job.

“I think I should have brought more food,” she commented. 

Cragen smiled.  “Well, we already fed the kids.  I think Olivia is trying to get them down for a nap.”

About that time, Liv looked up and saw them, an involuntary smile crossing her face when her eyes met Alex’s.  Alex stepped into the room and Cragen gave Olivia a wave before heading back downstairs.  The two kids looked towards Alex, then back to Olivia.

“She looks like Mama,” Sammie whispered.  Paulie nodded his agreement while yawning widely.

“That’s my friend, Alex.  Would you like to meet her?”  Both kids nodded, and Olivia motioned Alex over.  Alex hesitated, her expression clearly unsure, but she put the bag down on the table and approached them slowly, kneeling when she reached the bunk.  She kept one hand on Olivia’s knees for balance and waited for Liv to introduce her – first to Sammie and then to Paulie.  “And this little beauty is Angel,” Olivia said, passing the baby to Alex... or trying to.  Blue eyes met brown and Olivia easily read Alex’s trepidation.  “It’s okay, Sweetheart – trust me.”

Alex nodded.  “Let me stand up first,” doing so and slowly extending her arms.  Olivia slid from her place between Sammie and Paulie. 

“Would you be more comfortable sitting down?”  Alex’s hesitation was palpable and Olivia studied her carefully.  “Alex?”

“I’m just a little nervous, Liv.  I’ve never really been around kids.”  She blew out a deep breath and sat down.  “All right – I’m ready.”

“I’ll be right here,” Olivia assured as she placed Angel in Alex’s arms.  “She’s been really good,” Liv commented as she watched blue eyes meet blue and shy smiles cross both faces.  “I need to get Sammie and Paulie tucked in for a nap.  Will you two be okay on your own for a couple minutes?”

“If you hear one of us screaming, come running,” Alex asked with a nervous smile.  Olivia kissed her temple and moved the few steps back to the bunk where the two older children were watching Alex with sleepy eyes.

“She’s not used to babies, huh?” Sammie asked when Olivia urged them to lay down.

“Nope, but I think she is doing pretty good with Angel, don’t you?” brushing their hair back out of their eyes, unaware of Alex’s on her with her sole focus on the kids in front of her.  They both nodded slowly, eyes closing under Olivia’s tender ministrations.

“’Livia,” Sammie burred sleepily.  “When c’n we go home?”

“Soon, sweetie,” Olivia assured her.  “Your grandmother will be here soon.”

“’Kay,” she mumbled before her breathing became deep and regular.  Olivia sat with them a moment longer before turning back to Alex.  She blushed under the adoration in her blue eyes.

“You’re so good with them.”

“Lots of practice,” Olivia said, suddenly exhausted.  “Way too much practice.”  A smile suddenly lit her features.  “She seems to like you.”

Alex looked down.  “She fell asleep.  Is that good?”

“You’re a natural.  You want me to put her on her cot?”

“Please,” Alex said.  “I’ll put your lunch out.”

“You brought me lunch?”

“Yes.  Casey invited me to lunch and I picked up something for you.  You should take better care of yourself, Liv. However, I’ve decided to take over looking out for you,” sliding a large salad and bottled water out of the bag.

“You think I need looking after?” Olivia said, cracking the water open and sucking down a huge swallow.  Then she accepted the silverware Alex passed her and dressed her salad, waiting patiently for Alex to answer her question.

“I think,” Alex replied after a few minutes’ consideration, “that you need someone to love and take care of you because you get so focused you forget to care for yourself.”

“And you’re volunteering?”

“Yep.”

“You know that could be a very long commitment.”

“I’m in for the long haul, Detective.  Now,” continuing before Olivia could respond – or not – “tell me about these kids.”  So Olivia did, filling Alex in on the case as well.

“The grandmother should be here,” looking at her watch, “within the hour.”

“You’re so good with them.” 

Liv shrugged.  “They’re good kids.  They don’t deserve what happened to them.”

“At least they had you to talk to... even though there was nothing for them to tell... about the rape/murder, at any rate.  Was George able to find a reason why they reacted so harshly to the male detectives?”

Olivia shook her head.  “He couldn’t even get in the room.  They hid behind me when he came to the door.”  She sighed, then got up and dumped the empty containers in the trash, keeping her back to Alex.  “I suspect if their father didn’t physically abuse and molest them, he did at least terrorize them verbally.”  She shrugged her shoulders.  “They wouldn’t talk about it; they didn’t talk very much at all.”

“But they listened to you, didn’t they?  While you told them how special and incredible and loved they were.  They heard you, Liv, and they will be better people to have had you in their lives... even if it was only for a few hours.”  Alex walked up behind her and wrapped Olivia in her arms.  “Do you want me to stay with you?”

Liv turned around and looked in Alex’s eyes.  “You’d do that, wouldn’t you?”

“Say the word.”

“I love you.”

“Okay, enough fooling around with my partner, Counselor,” Elliot whispered from the door.  Olivia smirked at him and she took Alex’s hand in hers as they walked to the door.  He slid out of sight, in case the children woke up and Alex and Olivia braced themselves on either side of the doorjamb.

“Jealous, El?”

He smirked.

“Careful, Detective... she may be your partner, but she’s my Partner.  Do yourself a favor and plead the fifth; you don’t want anything you say now to come back later and bite you in the ass.”  Alex looked at Olivia and quirked an eyebrow in her direction.  “However,” she added, turning her attention back to Elliot, “our verbal sparring will have to wait for another day.  I need to get back to the office.  I still have a few more files to go over before I can make any decisions.”

“Think you’re gonna like being a bureau chief, Alex?”

“I think it is going to be very different from what I am used to.”  She shrugged.  “I know I’m going to miss working with you guys.”  She stopped before she could say anything else.  “I guess I should go.”

“I’ll walk you down,” Elliot volunteered.  “Be right back, Liv.”

He wasn’t gone but a moment, but he returned with a smile on his face. 

“What are you grinning at?” Olivia asked him.

“You picked a real winner with Alex, Liv.  It really is good to see you happy again.” He chuckled and Olivia just arched her eyebrow in question.  “Sometimes I think our karma is linked.  Alex left and you were unhappy, and I started having trouble with Kathy.  Alex came back, then left again and you were miserable; Kathy and I nearly got divorced.  You and Alex have been together for what... three days?  And Kathy and I have had more real conversations about everything than we have had in the last year.”

“I’m glad for you both, El.  Kathy and the kids have always been a stabilizing influence in your life.”  They stood quietly, Olivia’s eyes on the kids and Elliot’s eyes on her.  Finally she turned and met his eyes.  “So what’s up, El?”

“Nothing.  Deac and I just got back from picking up a suspect in the Brooks case.  He’s sitting in the box, so I thought I’d come see how you and the kids were doing.”  He peeked around the door. “You’ve still got the touch.”

Then Cragen was escorting an older and younger woman upstairs and the process of transferring the children to their grandmother’s and aunt’s care began.

************

“So what are we supposed to do now, Jack?  Alex was an important part of this operation.  We can’t just let her walk away!”

“What would you suggest we do, Robert?  Like it or not, Ms Cabot has no legal obligation to us or our agency.  The one condition she made contingent for her help was violated and then you went and turned into some sort of possessive jackass in front of the one person who matters to her.  Ms Cabot is not going to help us anymore.  Find another way, Robert.”

“Like what?  I’m supposed to meet Rivera for lunch today to discuss the ramifications of my engagement to one of New York City’s most prominent families who is coincidentally also a respected member of the District Attorney’s office.  Now I have to tell him I’ve been thrown over for not just a lowly detective sergeant but a woman.”

“Why does he need to know?”

“What?”

“Why does he need to know?” Hammond asked slower.  “Just string him along for a little while, then let him know you broke it off with Ms Cabot.  That will give us time enough to get someone else in the DA’s office or the police department – preferably in narcotics or vice.”

“You don’t think he’s got informants there already?”

“Not at the level you will.”

Robert gave a disgusted sigh and stood up from his chair.  “It’s not going to be the same thing, Jack – not even close.  This is going to set us back months.”

“It can’t be helped, Robert.  Ms Cabot will quit the DA’s office if we pressure her any further and that will do more damage than you breaking it off with her.  Who knows – it’s probably better to have her out of things.  God knows she has been nothing but a pain in my ass.”

“I hope you’re right, Jack, but I’ve got a bad feeling.”

“Robert, I’ve had a bad feeling about this whole thing since Alexandra Cabot got involved with the Velez case three years ago.”

************

“Man, I’m wiped,” Olivia confessed as she opened the door to the apartment.  “I always forget how much kids take out of you.”

“You want me to cook?”  Olivia’s eyes widened comically. Alex glared at her from behind dark framed glasses.  “Liv, not much good came from my time away from New York, but I did become quite a good cook if I do say so myself – just as a matter of self preservation.  I haven’t set the stove on fire in a very long time,” Alex added with a smirk.

“Um... sure – if you really want to.  I’m not sure what I have.”

“You have a local grocer?”  Olivia nodded.  “No problem, then.  So were they okay when their grandmother arrived?” Alex asked as she headed into the kitchen to see what Olivia had for groceries.  Olivia followed her.

“They were glad to see her.  Huang gave her some names she could contact to help when she explains about their mom.”  Liv wiped a hand across her eyes.  “I wish there was a way to make it easier.  I wish I could take it all away.”

Alex stopped what she was doing and took Olivia in her arms.  “I wish I could take it away from you.  But I’ll share the burden with you if you want.  I’m glad they have family who love them and took them into their lives and homes.  They’re lucky.”

“So am I,” Olivia confessed with a smile, leaning her forehead against Alex’s.  “You um... you wanna take your jacket off... maybe stay a while?”

“What?  Oh, sure,” sliding out of her coat and putting it in Liv’s outstretched hand.  “You’ve got stuff for pasta and pesto so I don’t need to go back out unless you want something different.” 

“Sounds great, actually.  I’ll run over to the bakery and grab some fresh bread.  Anything else you want?”

“Only if you want a salad.”

“’Kay... be right back.”  Olivia leaned forward, intending for the kiss to be a quick peck.  She hadn’t anticipated Alex’s hungry reaction and when she licked Olivia’s lips and opened her mouth, Liv responded passionately.  They took their time; Alex clenched her fists into the lapels of Olivia’s jacket and pulled her forward.  Liv threaded one hand into loose blonde hair while letting the other slip around a narrow waist to slide down over shapely curves.

Alex moaned and slipped one hand to the back of Olivia’s neck, lightly scratching.  She had already discovered it was a highly erogenous zone as far as Olivia was concerned and her comeback was immediate, tightening her grip on Alex’s ass.

“God, Liv,” Alex muttered, pulling back until their lips were just out of one another’s reach.  “If you don’t stop, we’re going to skip dinner and go right to dessert.”

“ME?  I was just looking for a quick goodbye kiss.”

“Oh Detective... I don’t intend for anything with you to ever be quick between us.  I am going to savor every single moment and opportunity.  Besides,” Alex teased, loosening the grip she had on the jacket and letting her hand trace the contours of Olivia’s torso, “you said you were tired.”  She smiled when the brown eyes darkened to almost black and Liv’s nostrils flared.

“Don’t tease me, Alex,” Olivia growled.

“Not teasing, Detective.  Making you a promise.”

Those were the last words spoken for the next little while.

************

“You know, if this is how you say goodbye when I volunteer to go pick up bread, I can’t wait to volunteer to change a light bulb or fix an annoying drip,” Liv commented.  She ran her fingers through the sweaty blonde hair resting on her belly.  “One thing is sure... I’ll never look at the kitchen the same way again.”

Alex laughed and continued stroking the smooth skin beneath her.  “I thought we should christen every room in the apartment.  So that leaves the foyer and the living room.”

“It’s good to have goals,” Olivia quipped, then jumped when Alex pinched the soft skin of her inner thigh.  “Whaddya do that for?”

“Smartass,” Alex muttered, rubbing the same spot and smiling when Liv visibly relaxed.

“Alex, you keep that up and you’ll either put me to sleep or we’re gonna have round two right here on the kitchen floor.  And I’m not sure my ribs are up for an all-nighter on cold tile.”

“Oh shit! Liv, I’m....”

“Shh... I’m fine, Sweetheart.  I’d just like to get up off the floor.  My ass is getting frostbite.”

Alex laughed again and rose, extending a hand down and helping Olivia stand.  “Can’t have that, Detective.  It’s one of my favorite parts of your body,” caressing the body part in question.  “Now would you like dinner or should we just move on to second dessert?”

A rumble from two stomachs permeated the room and they exchanged blushing glances before breaking into chuckles.  “I guess that answers that question.  Let me get dressed and run across the street before they close shop for the night.”

“I’ll um....” looking at her now wrinkled suit.  “I think I’ll go slip into something a little less lawyer-like.  Then I’ll start dinner.”

Liv finished fastening her pants and stepped into her shoes.  Then she leaned forward and brushed her lips lightly on Alex’s cheek.  “Be right back, Sweetheart.”

“You better be,” Alex cautioned when a sense of unreasoning fear washed through her.  Olivia noticed immediately and hesitated.

“Alex?”

Alex shook her head.  “I’m fine, Love.  Just a chill.  Let me go get dressed.”

Olivia nodded and waited for Alex to gather up her clothes and walk to the bedroom before she left, locking the door securely behind her.

************

“Alex, that was wonderful. Thank you.”  They were cuddled together in the couch with the television on for background noise.  Alex tilted her head back and Olivia removed her glasses before leaning down to kiss her.  “Next time, I’ll make curry.”

“Sounds great.  I learned to enjoy cooking, but cooking for you was especially gratifying.  Now what do you say to dessert?”

“Real dessert or Alex special?”

“Does it matter?”

“Nope,” claiming Alex’s lips once more, careful to put the glasses of justice on the table before focusing all her considerable attention on the woman she held in her arms.

************

“Come in, Mr. Claiborne.  Please have a seat.”

“Thank you, Mr. Rivera,” Robert said.

“How are things going with your new fiancée?  Are you ready to make an announcement?”

“I don’t think so, sir.  Alexandra is still trying to resettle into her life here in New York.  She just started working for the DA’s office again this week.  I’m not sure putting her on the spot by announcing our engagement is the best thing to do at the moment.”

“How do you figure?”

“Sir, Ms Cabot is from a prominent family.  That alone would garner great attention if an engagement was announced.  The fact that she is newly returned from three years in the witness protection program because of Velez’s untimely demise would only cause greater scrutiny.  I do not believe the attention would be beneficial to anyone at this time.  A number of your business partners prefer to remain anonymous in the shadows.”

Rivera sat back in his chair, fingertips pressed together touching his lips while he considered Robert’s words.  Finally he nodded his agreement.  “You bring up some good points, Robert.  Perhaps it would be best to wait until her notoriety dies down a bit.  But if circumstances change or the perfect opportunity presents itself....”  Rivera gave Robert a knowing look.  “We need to make sure she is firmly in our corner.”

Robert nodded his agreement.  “Absolutely, sir.” 

“And if all else fails, there’s always blackmail.  I’m sure if we look deep enough, our detectives will be able to find something we can use against Alexandra Cabot.  No one is as squeaky clean as she appears to be.”

Robert affected an interested expression.  “That is an idea, Mr. Rivera.  Perhaps we should go ahead and work on that angle?  Just in case things don’t work out otherwise, you understand.  Alexandra Cabot is much more valuable to us if she is as squeaky clean as she appears.  But it is always good to have a back-up plan, don’t you agree?”

“Yes, I certainly do.”  And they shared another knowing look and a laugh.  Rivera pulled out a file of the legitimate concerns Robert was in charge of handling.  “Good – now let’s get to work.  There are several contracts I need you to review before we move forward with them.  Things are finally starting to come together at the warehouse and I do not want to lose any customers because of turnover.”

“All right,” Robert said, accepting the file. “Shall we order now, sir?”

“Yes; I can’t have my best lawyer starving to death.”

“Thank you, sir.  I’ll review these contracts after lunch and get back to you by the end of the day.  Would you like me to call Dickson and have him start digging for dirt on Ms Cabot?”

“Please.  Now tell me how things are going in the Parkman acquisition.”  And their conversation turned to business for the remainder of their meal.


Chapter VIII

“Shit... yeah, hello?” Olivia growled softly, trying to keep her voice down so she didn’t disturb Alex.  At the first bleep of her phone, Liv had eased out of Alex’s grasp and sat up on the edge of the bed, knowing she was headed out the door on a case.  No one called at two-thirty in the morning to tell you that you just won the lottery – it was always bad news.  She scrubbed a hand over her face and through her hair, trying to stimulate some semblance of wakefulness while she listened to the uniform give her a brief description of the scene.

“All right.  I’ll be right there,” Liv said with a sigh and closed the phone.  Then she jumped when a hand snuck around her waist to come to rest on top of her thigh.  Olivia smiled and covered the long fingers with her own.  “Go back to sleep, Sweetheart.”

“Gotta go, huh?”

“Yeah... I’m on call tonight.”

Olivia felt Alex sit up behind her, then her warm body pressed up against Liv’s back.  Alex pulled Liv’s braided hair to one side and placed a kiss at the juncture of her neck and shoulder, feeling the shudder run up the length of Olivia’s body.  “Anything I can do to help?” Alex asked, her breath causing goosebumps to trail in its wake.

Olivia turned her head, eyes crossing to keep Alex in focus at such close range.  She’d never been thankful for the partial light her bedroom suffered from even at the darkest time of night, but she suddenly found herself grateful for the ability to see without turning on a light.  Olivia leaned forward and caught Alex’s lips, feeling her respond immediately.

“I’d ask you to keep the bed warm,” Liv said a little breathlessly when they separated.  “But I think it might be a moot point tonight.  Go back to sleep, Love.  Get enough rest for both of us.”  She leaned in for one more brief kiss, then pulled back with a sigh.  “I never thought this would ever be a problem for me,” Olivia confessed, brushing wayward blonde hair off Alex’s face.

Alex blinked and slipped her glasses on to better be able to see Olivia’s pensive expression.  She captured the hand at her face.  “What’s wrong, Liv?”

“Nothing,” she responded softly, shaking her head.  “I’m being selfish.”

“No,” Alex responded with a genuine smile.  “You’re being a woman in love... and I like the way it looks on you.  You can’t stay and I can’t go, so be careful out there, please.  I worry.”

“Don’t.  I have every reason to be careful now.  Now, I’ve got to go, but I’ll see you later?”

“Count on it, Detective.”  Moments later, Olivia was out the door and Alex slumped back to the bed and curled around Liv’s pillow.  She allowed the scent to surround her, feeling her body relax.  Oh Cabot, she thought as she drifted back towards sleep, you could be in real serious trouble here.  Still, she couldn’t stop the smile that graced her features when she finally fell into sleep again.

************

Olivia pinched the bridge of her nose.  It had already been a hellishly long day and it wasn’t even lunchtime yet.  The only high point had been Alex’s unexpected arrival shortly after dawn with hot coffee and breakfast for the squad.  She hadn’t made a big production of it; just done it as a matter of course and then disappeared red-faced to the cheers of the entire room.

Her cell chirped.  “Benson.”  Pause.  “Right... we’ll be right there.”  She looked at Elliot who was going over their second crime scene.  “We’ve got a suspect in custody.”

“What?”

Olivia shrugged.  “I dunno.  That was Munch; he said unis picked up some guy for drunk and disorderly and he gave them a full confession.”

“And we believe him?”  Elliot found their CSI team and let them know what was going on then he and Olivia headed back to their sedan.

“That’s why Munch called.  Cap wants us to interrogate him anyway.  Said his story is a little too pat.”

“Yeah, criminals don’t tend to be this accommodating – especially not this quickly.”

Liv yawned and nodded her head.  “I know.  Wake me when we get there, will ya?  I’m gonna try and catch a few of those winks I missed last night.”

“Cabot keeping you up late?” Elliot asked with a sly grin.

“You know better, El... when was the last time you knew me to kiss and tell?” with a shit-eating grin of her own.  “Now, hush... I’m sleeping here.”

Sooner than she would have liked, they were back at the station.  They were met at the station doors by a smirking Munch.  Liv groaned.  “That bad?”

“Cap had us call Huang in.  He’s in with our perp now.”  They walked with Munch to the box where Fin stood watching George talk to the man.  Fin looked over at them when they walked in and shook his head. 

“Guy’s got more conspiracy theories than Munch does.  Maybe he should be in the box instead of Huang.”

Olivia and Elliot muffled their smiles and Munch glared at his partner.  “I’ll have you know that every theory I have presented has viable evidence to back it up.”

“Whatever... here comes the Doc.”

Huang closed the door firmly and looked up at the four waiting detectives.  “It will take more time, but I think you’re dealing with a multiple personality disorder.  I’m going to invoke Kendra’s Law for him; I’d like a little more time to talk to him and observe him.”

“Do you think he’s our guy on these two rape/murders?” Olivia asked plainly. 

“No – he doesn’t know any of the things I was briefed were facts in this case.  What concerns me is that he seems to be disturbingly lucid in describing other crimes.  At this point, I’m not sure if they are things that he’s seen or done in his mind or if they are real.  I’ll let you know as soon as I have something more to give you.”

“Thanks, Doc,” Elliot said, clapping Huang on the arm.  “Guess this means we need to get back out there.”

“More than you know,” Cragen said as he handed Olivia a slip if paper.  “You’ve got another body with the same MO.”

“Three in the space of less than twelve hours?!  Our boy’s a fast worker!”

“I don’t think so,” Huang cut in, not surprised when every eye turned and looked at him in disbelief.  “No, sorry,” he added, holding up his hands.  “I don’t think this is a case of a single perpetrator.  This is playing out like a hazing or perhaps an initiation.  You’ll find that your perpetrators are all young men – late teen, early twenties; products of single parent households.  Look for a link between victims as well; it is highly likely that you will find similarities there. There may be some sort of hidden message.” 

“All right, people, let’s move.  Thanks, Doc,” Cragen said as the detectives scattered.

“You know,” Olivia commented as she and Elliot headed out again, “this could put a real stop to Alex’s party tomorrow.”

“We’ll work around it.  Trust me – there is no way to stop it at this point,” keeping his eyes firmly on the road.  It didn’t matter – he and Olivia had been partners too long for her not to know immediately that he was trying to hide something.

“Ellllllllliiiiiiiiiiot?” drawing his name out the length of a city block.

“Yeeeeeeessssssssss?” returning her drawl.

“What’s going on?”

“We’re having a welcome home party for Alex tomorrow?”

“I know, so why are you so nervous about it all of a sudden?  It was your idea.”  A thought occurred to her.  “Wait... just how many people are coming to this thing?”

“Let’s just say you and Alex need to decide if you want to confirm the rumors of your relationship to the New York legal world at large.”

“WHAT?!?  God, El!  When were you planning to tell me about this??  Or didn’t you think this was something we might need to talk about?!”

“C’mon, Liv... cut me a little slack here.  It’s not like it is a big secret – it never was, despite what the two of you wanted to believe!”

“Excuse me?”

“C’mon, Liv... before Cabot left, it was clear to at least a few of us what was happening between you – remember that little talk we had about the chemistry the two of you had together?  But you never said, so we never asked.  When she left though, we knew; you became a different person.  When she left again....”  He let the thought hang as he pulled the car to a stop.  “Hey, you’re the one that went storming over to her office her very first day back, laying into her like a woman scorned,” he added as they opened their doors.  “How could you not expect people to talk?”

He headed for the crime scene.  Olivia stood by her door for a moment longer trying to collect her scattered wits.  Then she pulled on her professional mask and walked over to join him. She needed to talk to Alex, but there was police business to take care of first.

************

Alex looked up at the knock on her door.  “Come in,” she said, putting her pen down and leaning back in her chair.  Her eyes widened when she saw Serena in her doorway.  She pushed her chair back from her desk and walked around the desk to engulf her friend in a hug.  “God, Serena....”

Serena just held on for a moment.  “It’s good to see you again, Alex.  After Casey told me about your talk yesterday, I decided not to wait until tomorrow to see you.  How are you?  And is it true what I’ve heard about you and a certain gorgeous SVU detective?”

“Depends on what you’ve heard, but probably,” Alex said with a smile.  “We have so much catching up to do.  How are you enjoying private practice?”

“Yes, we do, and fine, but you didn’t answer my other question yet – how are you doing, Alex... really?”

Alex covered her face and groaned.  “You never did let me get away with much.”  She sighed.  “Honestly, I’m a little overwhelmed at the moment, but it’ll get better, right?” she added looking up at Serena with a bright smile that didn’t fool the other woman for a moment.

“Don’t play games with me, Alex.  We were good friends once; I’d like to think we still are.  Talk to me.”

Silence for a moment, then Alex pushed her intercom button.  “Maggie, I’m in conference and not to be disturbed.”  Her assistant acknowledged her directive then Alex turned her attention back to Serena Southerlyn.  It had been three years, yet in some ways she felt very little time had passed since they had been able to confide in one another.  And about this – part of it, at any rate – she needed someone a little more objective to talk to.

“What’s wrong, Alex?” Serena asked after the silence lengthened to awkwardness.  “What’s overwhelming you?”

“Everything... nothing... I don’t....  Do you realize I have been back in New York for less than a week?  So much has happened – so much has changed.  I’ve changed.”  Alex stopped speaking.  A lot of what she was thinking and feeling should be shared only with Olivia.  But the Olivia parts....

Serena nodded her head.  “How are things between you and Olivia?” going straight to the topic she figured Alex would be the most likely to talk to her about.  She shifted, crossing her legs and leaning back in the chair, giving Alex the impression of having all the time in the world.

Alex couldn’t stop the blush that suffused her face with color.  So much for the Ice Princess image.

“You do realize you two are the talk of the legal world, right?” Serena confided with a smile.  “Elliot’s little get together isn’t so little any more.  Everyone is going to be there... as much to welcome you home as to see if the rumors are true.”

“Damn it!  That is exactly what I mean.  This is still so new for us, Serena, and yet it’s become like tabloid news around here.”  Alex took her glasses off and let her eyes unfocus while her inner eye concentrated on Olivia.  “God, things are so amazing with her, Serena.”  Alex looked back at her old friend.  “I’m just waiting for the other shoe to drop.”

Serena blinked.  “Why?  Why not just sit back and enjoy what you have together now?”  She held up a hand.  “Alex, you know there will be conflict and spark and passion with her always – there always has been with the two of you.  Hell, some of your fights around here were legendary; why do you think people are so curious to see you on the same side of the fence, so to speak?  Besides the fact that you make a gorgeous couple, I mean.”

“I’m actually looking forward to fighting with her again – I love engaging that side of her and so does she, I think.  That will be the sure sign I’m finally home.  But that’s not what I meant.”  Alex closed her eyes and rubbed them, pushing her hands into her hair.  Serena frowned; even on her most hectic days, Alex had never not been put together.  But she appeared to be falling apart before Serena’s eyes.

“What did you mean then, Alex?  Help me understand.”

“I’m not sure I really do, Rena.  It’s a feeling that makes the hair stand up on the back of my neck for no reason at all, but it’s as real as you are sitting there across from me.  It almost feels like since I finally have what I want most in the world, something bad has to happen to make it all even up.”

This time Serena stood and came around to Alex’s side, kneeling down until they were eye to eye.  “NO!  No, Alex... you don’t have to live that way anymore.  You can’t!  You’re right... something bad might happen, but then again, something might not.  You can’t live your life afraid of what might or might not happen.  You just take the all good and hold onto it with both hands, so when the shit hits the fan, you’ve got enough good to cover you until the mess is cleaned up.”

“I know that, Serena.  It was one of the things I had beaten into my mind while I was gone for three damn years of exile!  But that isn’t making this feeling of dread go away.  And I learned the hard way to listen to that little voice.”

“All right; I want you to promise me something.  I want you to talk to Olivia about this and I want you to get some professional help – real help, Alex.  Not the kind the government gave you, but a real professional.  I imagine the good detective would probably even go with you if you asked her.”

Alex nodded and closed her eyes.  “I will.  I am not going to screw up the best thing in my life again by not being open and honest and she’s been so wonderful.  I will always hate myself for having lost three years with her and for the pain I caused her during that time.”

Alex didn’t see Olivia slip through the side door, but Serena did and she stepped back to allow Liv the chance to cup Alex’s face in her hands.  Alex froze at the touch, recognizing it, but not quite believing it.  She looked up slowly, to find herself staring into compassionate brown eyes.

“Nope – you don’t get to do that, Alex.  You don’t get to hate or beat up the woman I love.  Life does enough of that without us helping it in any way, all right?”  Alex looked closer and saw the haggardness and fatigue in her lover’s eyes.  She took Olivia’s hands in hers and kissed the knuckles lightly, completely forgetting about Serena’s silent presence.

“Bad day?”

“Yeah, you haven’t had lunch yet, by any chance, have you?”

Alex would have said no even if she’d just gotten up from a five course meal – the need in Liv’s eyes was that great.  She shook her head but before she could say anything else, Serena spoke up.

“Alex, I’m just going to....”

Olivia immediately stood up and turned to face her.  “Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt...”

“You didn’t, Detective,” Serena assured her.  “I actually have to get back to the office.  Not being a state employee has a lot of distinct advantages, but it does mean I have to travel to get here.  But I wanted to catch Alex for a few minutes before tomorrow.  It promises to be quite a blowout.”

“Mmm... so I’ve heard,” Olivia agreed with a grumble.  “Are you sure you don’t want to join us for lunch?  I really didn’t intend to break up your conversation.”

“Rain check for another day,” Serena promised.  “I think the two of you need a little privacy today.”

Olivia nodded.  Alex stood and squeezed Liv’s fingers before giving Serena a firm hug.  “Thank you,” she whispered.  “For all of it.”

Serena returned the embrace.  “See you tomorrow.”

The door closed firmly behind her before Alex turned back to Olivia.  “I’m so glad you’re here.  But how did you get in here without Maggie seeing you?  She’s the proverbial watchdog out front.  And how much did you hear?” the last added more softly.

Olivia pointed to the well-hidden side door.  “Did you forget about those?  All the bigger offices over here have them.”  Alex blinked and shook her head.

“I never knew it was there; I didn’t have anything like that when I was an ADA.”  She narrowed her eyes at Olivia.  “How exactly did you find out about it, Detective?  Hmm?”

Olivia shrugged.  “Abbie told me about it.”

“Do I want to know why?”

“Probably not,” Liv confessed.

“Right... did you say something about lunch, Detective?”

“Depends... am I in trouble now?” glancing up through thick, dark lashes.

Alex waggled her eyebrows.  “Would you like to be?  Liv, we knew we weren’t each other’s firsts; we were both sexually active adults long before we met. However, I most certainly intend to be your last.”

“Does this mean I am off the market, Counselor?”

“Oh yeah - as of about ten-thirty Tuesday morning, in point of fact, Detective.  I have a building full of witnesses who will testify to that.”

Olivia took Alex’s hand in hers and led her towards the side door.  “Yeah, we probably should talk about that.”

“We should probably talk about a lot of things,” Alex concurred, snatching up her purse as Olivia led her out the door.  “Starting with what you overheard.”

“Everything... I overheard everything – from the time Serena asked you to help her understand,” Olivia acknowledged.  “I didn’t intend to, but there really didn’t seem to be a good time to break in.  At least until you started castigating yourself.”  Liv eyes widened at the expression on Alex’s face and she laughed.  “Just because I don’t use them very often doesn’t mean I don’t know any fancy words, Alex.”

They left the building and by unspoken consent headed to a small, out-of-the-way café they had discovered several years previously.  Alex waited until they were seated with their menus in front of them before she responded.

“I’ve never doubted your intelligence, Liv.  You couldn’t be the detective you are without being brilliant.  It is just unusual for you to sound like a lawyer.  But you didn’t overhear everything... you didn’t hear me tell Serena how amazing you are or how wonderful it is to really be with you.”  Liv bit her lip and Alex was again reminded of the gaunt expression lurking in Olivia’s eyes. “Tough day?”

Olivia scrubbed her eyes.  “Yeah and this case is giving me the creeps.  But don’t you think we should talk about the stuff you were discussing with Serena?”

“No,” Alex stated matter-of-factly.  “I think we should have a nice lunch together – talk about your case if you want or maybe where we’d like to go for vacation when things settle down.  I will talk to you about the other, Liv, I promise - but not here.  I want to be curled up in your arms in the privacy of our home when we do.”

Unexpectedly, Olivia smiled.  “Do you really think of it that way?”  Alex blinked.  “Sorry,” Liv apologized, then sat back when the server came and took their order.  When he left she leaned forward again.  “I meant do you think of the apartment as your home?”

Confusion colored Alex’s expression.  She nodded slowly.  “Yes, I do.”  She paused.  “Shouldn’t I?  Don’t you want...? I mean I thought....”

Olivia reached across the table and covered Alex’s hands.  “You thought right – That’s what I want.  As far as I’m concerned you’re not ever gonna leave.  But things have happened so fast - we kinda just fell into living together; we never really talked about it.  I didn’t know how you felt... whether you wanted your own place or thought we needed a bigger place or....”  Olivia let the thought trail off.

Alex let her thumbs caress the back of Olivia’s strong hands, taking a moment to admire them while she collected her scattered thoughts.  “I think as long as you are happy to share closet space with me, we can manage just fine where we are right now.  If we decide later we want more room, we can make that decision together.”

Olivia nodded her agreement but otherwise didn’t respond verbally as their server chose that moment to set their plates in front of them.  “I may be late tonight, though I’ll call if it’s going to be very late.  This new case is... it looks like we may all be pulling a lot of overtime, though Elliot assures me we will be at the barbeque tomorrow come hell or high water.”

“You want to talk about it?”

“Not yet.  I just needed to see you, so I asked for a little extra time for lunch.  There’s not a lot of information yet; something about it’s just niggling at me.  Thank you, though.  It’s good to know you’re here to listen when I’m ready to talk.”

“Anytime, Detective,” Alex validated with a smile.  “After all, you know where I live.”

“I certainly do – thank God.”

“That goes both ways.  Call me either way though, please.  If you’re going to be home at a reasonable hour, I’ll fix dinner and we can talk for a while.”  Olivia looked up and gave Alex the most intriguing smile.  “What, Liv?”

“I know we have a lot of things to catch up on – a lot of stuff we missed in one another’s lives in the three years we were apart and things we never got around to sharing about ourselves in the first place for whatever reason.  It’s going to take months – maybe even years.  I wonder if we’ll still have new thoughts and feelings to share with one another in another fifty years.”

“Yes,” Alex replied emphatically.

Then they focused on eating, knowing there was still work to be done before they could go home for the day.  But the silence was comfortable, and they were happy just to be together.

************

At a table some distance away in the same restaurant– close enough to see, but too far away to hear – two men sat observing the two women.  They did nothing else... no pictures, no staring - nothing that would draw undue attention to their activities.  They exchanged the occasional quiet word or two in conversation, but by and large they remained silent observers as they consumed their own meal.

When Olivia and Alex rose to leave, they waited a moment or two before following, watching as Liv escorted Alex back to her office before climbing into a police sedan that had pulled up alongside the steps. Then the two men went back to their own plain vehicle and headed in to make their report.  Things had suddenly taken an interesting turn.


Chapter IX

“We got the ME’s report on the first two vics,” Elliot said by way of greeting.

“And?”

“Definitely the same MO, but Warner said they were killed by two different people.  One was left-handed, the other right.”

“So Huang was right,” Olivia said flatly.  “What about the vics?”

“Munch is still looking into it.”

Liv rubbed her eyes.  “Maybe I missed something at the crime scene.”  Her phone rang.  “Benson.  All right – we’re on our way.”  She turned back to Elliot.  “We need to go back to the second crime scene; we might have a witness.”

************

“So what did you learn?” Cragen asked when they walked into the precinct.

“Not much,” Elliot said.  “Someone who might have heard something early this morning in the vicinity of where our second vic was found.”

“He couldn’t give us a description or even tell us what he heard exactly... beyond some strange sounds,” Olivia grumbled as she dropped into her desk chair.  “We canvassed the whole area again and came up empty for any other witnesses or leads.”

“Well, I may have come up with something,” Munch cut in.  “Looks like the doc was right on the money. All three vics had ties to Velez at one time or another.”  Olivia’s head popped up and everyone looked at her before turning their attention back to Munch. 

“It gets better,” Fin said as he turned away from the phone.  “Word on the street says same thing has happened in all the boroughs – three rape/murders between midnight and noon.”

“Damn,” Cragen muttered, rubbing a hand over his head.  “All right – John, keep digging; there has to be a reason these specific people are being targeted now beyond the Velez connection.  Fin, use your contacts in narcotics – see what they’re hearing.  Elliot, I want a spreadsheet showing every single similarity and difference in our three vics.  I’m going to call the colonel and see about setting up a task force, see if we can get some information exchange going on.”

“What about me, Cap?” Olivia asked, trying to bite back a yawn.

“I want you to go home, Liv.  Sixteen hours is long enough for one day.  No arguments,” Cragen said, holding up his hand.  “You have someone at home to go home to.  GO HOME.  We’re doing all we can.  Not much more is going to happen until we get a coordinated effort going.  Besides, you need to be rested for Stabler’s shindig tomorrow.  I understand it is going to be quite the blowout.”

“So I heard,” Liv agreed sardonically.  She slapped the desk and stood up. “All right, guys; I’ll see you tomorrow.  Try to stay out of trouble til then, huh?” with a wave and a rakish grin.

Jaws dropped around the room as Olivia walked out the door without another word or argument.  The detectives exchanged wide-eyed looks.  “Son of a bitch,” Elliot exclaimed with a smile.  “Never thought I’d live to see the day.”

"I remember being that young and in love once," Munch mused. 

"You were never that young, Munch," Fin commented drolly to the amusement of the rest of the room.

"Olivia's no spring chicken, you know."

"You know you're gonna be in real trouble if she hears you say that.  She can still kick your ass."

"Careful, John... I'm young enough to keep up with Alex Cabot," Liv couldn't resist saying loud enough for them to hear as she left the locker room.  This time they waited in silence as her footsteps faded down the hallway.  Munch got up from his desk and looked out the door to be sure Olivia had really left this time before turning back to the room and shaking his head.  “I’m going to die tomorrow.”

“Yeah, and I’m betting it’ll be Cabot who does the killing of your ass.”

“Some days it just doesn’t pay,” Munch grumbled, then sat back down to start make a list of similarities between the three vics in their jurisdiction.

************

“He did not say that,” Alex said flatly.

“He certainly did.  I have witnesses.”

Dinner had been burgers and fries that Olivia had picked up at Nita’s on her way home.  Now Liv lay stretched out naked on the bed, Alex perched gingerly on her ass rubbing the knots from her back.  The oil was warm and smelled of sandalwood and Alex dug deep into her tissue, soliciting a groan that rumbled from Olivia’s body to hers when she hit a particularly tender spot.

“Old hen, my ass.  I’ll make sure John Munch understands exactly what you are not when I see him tomorrow.”  Then she pinched the ass she was sitting on when Olivia’s laughter nearly dislodged her.

“OW!  Whaddya do that for?”  Olivia’s grumbling became purring when Alex proceeded to caress the spot she had just bruised.  “Nevermind,” she mumbled, closing her eyes again.  Liv never even noticed when her breathing deepened and she slipped into sleep.  Alex smiled.

“Goodnight, Liv.  Good dreams tonight, huh?”  She slipped off Olivia’s body and into bed beside her, pulling the covers up over both of them and snuggling into Liv’s warmth.  Then Olivia shifted to accommodate her, surrounding Alex with her embrace and bringing happy tears to blue eyes. 

“Love you,” Liv mumbled as she settled around Alex. 

“I love you too, Sweetheart,” Alex replied, twining their fingers together and savoring the sensation for several long moments.  She looked at the darkened ceiling and closed her eyes.  “Please,” she prayed softly.  “Please don’t take this away from me.  Please don’t take Olivia out of my life again.  I wouldn’t survive it.”  The tears that had gathered in her eyes rolled silently down her cheeks.

“Alex?” Olivia burred quietly into her blonde hair.  “I’m not going anywhere.  I wouldn’t survive either.”

“I thought you were asleep.”

“I was; I just... I felt your misery.”

“Sorry....”

“Don’t be,” Liv cut in.  She kissed Alex’s temple.  “I would rather share your misery and have you here in my arms than be sleeping without you.  You take away the nightmares,” Olivia finished simply.

“So do you, Liv.”  She pulled their hands up to rest between her breasts.  “Go to sleep, Baby.  Tomorrow is going to be almost as long as today has been.”  Alex felt Olivia slip back into deeper sleep, and with a smile, gladly followed her.

************

“Alexandra, Darling... you look marvelous,” Enrique said, holding her hands and looking her over intently before leaning forward and kissing both cheeks.  “Coming back from the dead has been wonderful for you; I’ve never seen you looking so radiant.  What can I do for you?  And who is this?”

Alex reached for Olivia’s hand and pulled her forward.  “This is my friend... my partner... Detective Olivia Benson.  Liv, this is Enrique – my friend and hairdresser.”  Liv extended her hand that Enrique accepted with alacrity.

“It is indeed a pleasure, Detective.  Anyone who puts so much happiness in Alexandra’s eyes....”  Olivia blushed, completely thrown off her stride.  Enrique smiled and looked back at Alex.  “Oh, Alexandra... I like her.  She’s a keeper.”  He released Olivia’s hand and glanced between them.  “So what can I do for you two today?”

“I want you to cut Liv’s hair so it looks like this again.” Alex said, producing the single coveted picture she had managed to keep in her possession during her exile.  Enrique took the photograph and studied it carefully, looking back and forth between it and Olivia.  Without a word, he reached up and loosened her hair, running his fingers through it carefully.

“You have beautiful hair, Olivia.  Are you sure you want to do this?”

She shrugged.  “It will make Alex happy and it should make my morning routine easier.  Do you... can you donate the hair you cut?”

“Absolutely, Detective.  I actually have a friend who weaves wigs for cancer patients if that is okay with you?”  She nodded.  “Then let’s get started,” patting his chair.  A short time later, shorter than Olivia expected, Enrique was fluffing her hair around head and face.  Then he held a mirror up so she could see front and back.  “Gorgeous,” he commented simply.  He turned to Alex.  “You do realize that you’ll never be able to walk down the street together again, right?”

That got two sets of eyes focused on him and he stepped back from the intensity of which he suddenly found himself the center. Alex straightened from where she had been leaning over Olivia’s shoulder.  “Excuse me?”

“Are you kidding me?  New York traffic already sucks.  The two of you will bring everything to a dead halt for miles.”

“You’re such a bullshitter, Enrique.  You should have been a lawyer.”

“No, thank you.  I get to meet much more interesting people this way.  Now be off with both of you, but I want to hear about the reactions you get, Olivia... if I don’t hear about the traffic snarls first.  Come see me again in a month – sooner if you want to keep the highlights... totally up to you.”

“What about...?”

“Don’t worry about it, Hon.  Alexandra has an account.”

“Still?”

“Always, Darling.  I never gave up hope that you would be back once I heard you were really alive.  Now go.  We’ll square things up later.  I know you have other places to be on a beautiful Saturday besides inside my salon.  Go... shoo!”

They were still chuckling when they climbed into a cab that would take them across town to Elliot’s home.

************

“Oh God, Elizabeth... you totally saved my butt.  When I mentioned a small welcome home party for Alex to Kathy, I didn’t realize how big small was going to be,” Elliot admitted as he met Elizabeth when her car pulled up beside the house.

“I’m glad to do it, Detective... Elliot,” she corrected herself when he held up a hand.  “Thank you for letting me be a part.  Now if you and Jax can manage the unloading, I’ll go in and give Kathy a hand.”

“We’ve got it covered, Mrs. Cabot,” Munch said as he and Fin came out of the house.  He leaned over and kissed her cheek.  Fin shook her hand and moved to take an armful of stuff from Elliot and he walked beside Elizabeth back towards the house.

“Am I very late?  I expected to be one of the first here.”

“You are, Mrs. C.  Me and Munch just came over early to give Elliot a hand setting up.  The rest aren’t due for another hour.  Thanks,” he said, walking in the door she held open.

“Oh, Elizabeth... I am so happy to see you.  Please, come in,” taking Fin’s load and heading to the kitchen.  Fin went back to help with the remainder of the unloading, eyes widening as he met three heavily laden men coming his way.  He held open the door for them to enter, then followed them back to the kitchen where Kathy and Elizabeth had already started unpacking the first load.

This was shaping up to be a hell of a party.

************

“You okay, Alex?” Liv asked softly, casually slipping an arm around Alex’s waist and pulling their bodies closer together.  She’d felt the shudder tremble through Alex’s body.  The cabbie was smart and kept his eyes on the road; he’d seen enough in his tenure as a New York City cab driver to know how to mind his business and still be acutely aware of what was going on behind him.  Alex ignored him and rested her head on Olivia’s shoulder, closing her eyes and savoring the peace that flowed between them.

“I don’t think so,” Alex answered in a small, tremulous voice.  Olivia waited, but Alex didn’t say any more, leaving Liv to figure out exactly what was troubling her.  Fortunately, Olivia Benson was well trained in reading body language and she had excellent reason to understand Alex most of all.  She leaned over and kissed the top of the blonde head resting under her chin.

“There’s no reason to be afraid, Sweetheart.  The people we are going to see today are your friends... all of them.  And they’re all thrilled for the chance to welcome you home.”

“Yeah, but who are they welcoming home?”

“You... whoever you choose to be.  Sweetheart... you’re the only one with expectations from you.  Everyone else is just glad you’re back.  Cut yourself a little slack, huh?  No one expects you to have all the answers.  Hell, most of us don’t even know the questions,” Olivia added with a grin, feeling Alex smile against her neck.  “Besides, I’ll be right beside you every step of the way if you want, but I think you’re gonna be pleasantly surprised.  You’re a strong woman, Alexandra Cabot.”

“I don’t feel very strong at the moment.”

“That’s why you have me covering your six.  It’s always good to have a back-up plan when protecting your... <ahem> assets,” letting her hand slide down and briefly caress Alex’s jean clad butt.

“Don’t start something you can’t finish, Detective.”

“Any time you’re ready, Counselor.”

Alex grasped Olivia’s free hand and tangled their fingers together.  “Thank you, Liv.  I know I’m acting schizoid; thank you for not only not freaking out on me, but for being my rock.  One day... one day maybe I can explain how all this feels and you will understand why this is so hard for me sometimes and seems so easy others.”

Liv squeezed her hand in support.  “Only if you want to share that with me, Alex.  For now it’s enough for me that you let me be here for you, especially considering how easily things could have gone wrong between us.”  Her voice dropped to a whisper.  “There were so many things stacked up against us.  Still could be, if we let them.”

“But we’re not going to let them.  That is the one thing I am sure about.”

“Then everything else is irrelevant,” Olivia assured her as the taxi slowed down in front of Elliot’s old place.  Kathy had been diligent about keeping it up and Olivia admired the riot of color already prevalent in her window boxes.

“Wow,” Alex commented, sitting up and dropping a couple bills into the cabbie’s outstretched hand.  Then she slid out of the car and looked around.  “I guess Elliot did manage to keep it small after all.  After Casey’s warning, I was expecting cars lined up both sides of the street for blocks.”

Olivia shook her head; Elliot had shown her the list.  She knew exactly how many people were hidden behind the walls and fence.  “Well, let’s go say hi to the guys and Kathy.  They always put on a nice spread and I don’t know about you, but I could use a beer.”

Alex didn’t answer; just clutched Olivia’s hand and walked up the steps to the door.  Liv waited and after a moment, Alex rang it.  “A beer sounds good; I’m going to relax and enjoy the day with the guys.”  Olivia just blinked.  Alex seemed to have regained her equilibrium for the moment; Liv hoped it lasted once someone opened the door and Alex realized how many people she had touched.

Kathy was the one to open the door, and she just squealed when she saw Alex and pulled her into an unexpected hug.  Alex was startled – she and Kathy had barely been acquainted when she’d gone into witness protection.  But she returned the embrace with enthusiasm.  After a moment, Kathy pulled away with an embarrassed laugh.  “Sorry... I know we don’t really know one another, but I hope we get a chance to change that.  You don’t know the difference....”  Kathy waved her hands, unwilling to say anything else and Alex looked at Olivia.

“I’ve only been back a few days,” she said, blue eyes wide and incredulous.

“But you were gone for three years,” Liv commented softly, before stepping forward to hug Kathy briefly, giving Alex time to recover her breath.  “So you gonna invite us in and offer us a beer?”

“Yes, yes... come in, come in.  Everyone else is already out back.  Alex, your mother has been a godsend; just jumped right in and got everything on track.”  They padded through the kitchen, and Kathy opened the door and snagged three beers, handing them around before leading them over to the patio doors.  “This became a little bigger than I expected, so she was a real lifesaver,” opening the doors and letting in a cacophony of sound.

A yard full of eyes turned in their direction and a cheer rose.  Alexandra Cabot froze in place, speechless for the first time in her life.  Kathy slid out of the door and over where Elliot was manning the grill.  Munch was next to him, capturing the moment for posterity.  Alex reached behind her, searching for Olivia’s hand to ground her.  She had never expected... this.  Olivia anticipated Alex’s reaction and placed one hand on the small of Alex’s back, rubbing gently in concentric circles.  When Alex extended her hand back, Liv stepped closed until their bodies were touching, though no one could see her standing behind Alex.

“I’m right here, Alex.”

“I want you beside me, Liv.  I need you here.”

“Are you sure, Alex?  There’s no going back if we do this.”

Alex turned her back on the people waiting expectantly for her to walk among them again.  It was time to settle this once and for all.  “Liv, we don’t have time to discuss all the implications right now, but I need for you to understand something.  You’re it for me.  No matter what else happens.”

Liv took her hand and turned Alex back to face the waiting crowd.  “In that case, Ms Cabot, we will talk later.  But if we’re gonna do this, let’s do it right.” Olivia stepped up beside Alex and tucked her hand in the crook of her elbow.  “Your public awaits.”

This time the cheer that went up was deafening... even though there was at least one person attending that was less than enthusiastic about their open display.

************

By mid-afternoon, they had made the rounds, speaking to everyone and giving and receiving hugs until both were fairly certain their arms would fall off if either had to extend one more.  Olivia did wonder if Alex had suggested the haircut just to take attention away from her since everyone commented on her new ‘do.  But as promised, Olivia never left Alex’s side, and in return Alex had not once released her grip on Olivia’s person, though it had shifted several times to accommodate other greetings. 

Now they were seated with Elliot and Kathy, feasting on ribs and beer and watching the rest mingle in a decidedly non-cliquey way.  It was interesting to observe the interaction of these folks outside a work environment and good food and drinks had gone a long way towards breaking down barriers that otherwise existed.

At the moment, Arthur Branch, Lena Petrovsky, John Munch, Jack McCoy and Elizabeth Cabot were engaged in what appeared to be a lively discussion.  Odafin Tutola, Serena Southerlyn, Melinda Warner and her husband were grooving on the makeshift dance floor, as were several other members of both the precinct and the DA’s office.  Don Cragen, Casey Novak, Liz Donnelly, George Huang and Alex’s assistant Maggie were cracking up like a group of kids.

“I’m sort of afraid to ask what those guys are joking about,” Liv commented to Alex, sucking the meat off a rib.  “Damn, El... you did a fine job on the ribs.”

“Thanks, but... actually,” he confessed, scratching the back of his neck, “Elizabeth prepared them.  I just grilled them.”  He looked back over the full backyard.  “A lot has changed, hasn’t it?  There was a time none of these people would be more than civil with one another... much less sociable.”

“Yeah, but who is the guy who is acting like he’s got a stick shoved up his ass?” Liv asked, noting his glare in her direction when Alex casually leaned against her body.  “I don’t remember meeting him.  I would have expected it from Langan, but he was actually pleasant about us,” nodding towards the tall man who was currently trying to coax Casey Novak out onto the dance floor. 

They chuckled when she capitulated and followed the sleek attorney over to the cleared space, then turned their attention back to their little group.  “Trevor is not a stupid man and at least socially, he knows when to recognize a lost cause.”  That caused a trickle of laughter.  “He’s known I was a lost cause to him since the night you found us together at the restaurant.” 

Alex and Olivia exchanged glances, reliving memories that were much less painful in light of their present circumstances.  Kathy and Elliot watched the silent communication in fascination, then turned to one another with the smirk that comes with being an old married couple.  Then they looked away, embarrassed.  It was awkward, but at least they were talking again and there was a chance that things might actually work out for them.  And even if they didn’t, now they had a much better chance of remaining friends.

“Isn’t that Steele?” Elliot asked after a moment, hoping to break the tableau that had gone on between Alex and Olivia.  He was thrilled they were so well matched and happy together, but their intensity was discomfiting to say the least.  Not because they were women, but more because no one should know that much about their partner’s love life.

Alex blinked and looked from Olivia to the man and back to Elliot.  “Yes, it is.  Jim Steele.  We dated briefly.  I broke it off when he decided we needed to be serious.  Told him I didn’t want to be serious with him.”

Elliot chuckled.  “Kicked him right in the pride, huh?”

“I hope he gets over himself soon,” Liv mumbled.  “Or I’m gonna go kick his ass.”

“Ooh....” Alex cooed as she wrapped her hands around Olivia’s bicep.  “My big, tough hero cop.”  She waggled her eyebrows above her glasses and grinned impishly.

“Careful there, Cabot.  You never know when you might need one or what will happen when the fight’s over.”  Liv let her smoky gaze rake Alex from head to foot and Alex shivered in pure animal reaction.

“Liv, stop that,” Elliot whined.  “You’re killing me.”  Kathy and Alex snickered; Liv just smirked at him knowingly.  Elliot glared.  “I hate you.”

“Jealous much?”

He growled and muttered under his breath, but Liv ignored him, turning when Kathy laid her hand on her arm.  Olivia cocked an eyebrow in question and Kathy smiled at the familiar expression.  “I wanted to tell you – I love your hair.  It frames your face so beautifully.  It’s my favorite look of all the ones I’ve seen on you.”

“Mine too,” Alex concurred, running her hands through it and brushing the bangs off Olivia’s face.  Liv blushed and dropped her eyes.  Elliot snorted.

“Whipped,” he muttered.  “OW!” much louder when three different hands smacked him in three different places.  “All right!  All right!” he surrendered, holding up his hands.  “I need another beer.  Can I get anyone anything?”

“No, Detective.  In fact, I think Olivia and I should probably go.”

“Go?  Alex, we’re just getting started.”  Alex looked at the sun that was much closer to the horizon than its zenith then turned back and raised a brow at him.  “Okay... maybe not just, but there is plenty of life left in it too.”

“Exactly, Detective, and it’s not going to wind down until we leave.  I imagine Kathy would like her house back before sometime tomorrow.  Besides, we promised my mother we’d see her home.” 

“All right,” Elliot finally capitulated.  “But only if you agree to doing this again.”

“Absolutely,” Alex said, then looked at Liv who nodded and gave her a small smile.  “We’d love to.”

“You want to say goodbye to everyone or just sneak out?” Elliot asked Alex, knowing what Olivia would choose.  Alex bit her lip, wrestling between propriety and desire.  Propriety won out but not by much.  She waited for Elliot to get everyone’s attention.  Then Alex stood on her chair and rested her hand on Olivia’s shoulder to maintain her balance, and she cleared her throat to speak.

“Thank you... all of you... for coming here today.”  She paused and drew a deep breath.  This was harder than any speech she had ever made in court.  “I’ll never be able to express what it means to me to know so many of you remembered me and came to welcome me home.”  She bit her lip and sighed.  “Thank you.”

She didn’t know what else to say, so she squeezed Olivia’s shoulder and took her hand to step down for the chair.  Then they were surrounded by well wishers, none of whom wanted to miss the chance to speak to Alex again before she left.  It had been a great day together, and a simply wonderful way to welcome one of their own home again.


Chapter X

“You have lovely friends, Alexandra.  I can’t remember the last time I had so much fun.  And thank you for putting me in touch with Detective Stabler, Olivia.  I enjoyed being able to participate.  I think I even made new friends today.”

The three women were in the living room of Elizabeth Cabot’s penthouse.  They hadn’t wanted dinner after the spread at Elliot’s, so they were sprawled casually around the furniture with wine glasses in hand.  At Elizabeth’s insistence, Olivia and Alex had taken the couch, though at the moment Liv was tucked into one corner while Alex was curled into the other.  She herself was curled into the armchair nearest Alex.

“I was surprised,” Alex replied honestly. 

“Were you?” Olivia asked.  “I thought you knew there were going to be a lot of people there.”

“I knew; I just didn’t know,” Alex claimed defensively.

“Well, regardless... I had a wonderful time.  Thank you both for including me.”

“I was glad you could come, Elizabeth.  It was nice to see you having such a good time and Elliot confessed you saved his bacon when the party got so big.  I probably should have warned you about Munch’s latest theories though.”

“I find Detective Munch thoroughly entertaining.”

An awkward silence fell, pregnant with unasked questions.  Alex reached out towards Olivia and Liv clasped her fingers, stroking them gently with her thumb and tugging until Alex’s head was in her lap.  She took Alex’s wine and placed it on the table beside hers, then gently combed long fingers through thick blonde hair, feeling Alex relax into her.

“You seem to have the magic touch, Olivia,” Elizabeth commented softly as she watched Alex drift into sleep.  At Liv’s questioning look, Elizabeth smiled and continued.  “From the time Alexandra was a small child, she would get terrible headaches because she got so focused on achieving perfection in whatever project she was working on.”

“She still does,” Olivia confided, “or she did up until the time she left.”

“I never understood why she chose the law.  I take that back – I know why she chose law.  Her father was a very successful attorney and she was her daddy’s girl.  But choosing to be a prosecutor, especially when she was with your department... I worried about her.”

“So did I... even before we were really friends.”  She looked down at the woman nestled so comfortably in her lap.  “But that doesn’t explain why you think I have the magic touch.”

“Oh... sorry.  When Alexandra’s headaches got bad enough to get her attention over what she was working on, she would always come and climb up wherever I was and put her head down in my lap.  At first, I was completely lost; all I knew was that she was whimpering and in pain.  So I did for her what my grandmother had done for me.  Grandmother called it the magic touch; it always took away the pain and put me to sleep.  It did the same for Alexandra – only very few people seemed to have that touch.”

“I thought everyone could do this,” never stopping the movement of her hand through Alex’s hair.

“Oh, everyone can do that, but being able to relax someone enough that they drop off to sleep with conversation going on around them, not so much. “  Elizabeth paused and let the motion of Liv’s hands soothe her. “Olivia, how is she doing... really?”

“I don’t think I am qualified to answer that, Elizabeth.  No, wait....” she admonished before Elizabeth could dispute her words.  “I know what I see, but Alex hasn’t really discussed anything with me yet.  We haven’t even been together a week and I’m not gonna push her into sharing anything she doesn’t feel comfortable with.  She spent the last three years having people tell her who she could be and what she could and could not do.  She’ll talk to me when she’s ready.”

“But what do you see, Detective?”

Olivia looked down at the woman resting so peacefully in her lap.  “She’s very fragile, Elizabeth.  She’s trying so hard to be strong; I mean - she is strong, but right now I think there is a lot of exhaustion and confusion.  I hope going back to work at the DA’s office wasn’t the wrong choice for her.”

Elizabeth’s brow furrowed.  “You think she is still in danger?  Like she was before?”

Olivia started to shake her head, then stopped.  “I don’t know,” she said honestly.  “I don’t think so.  I don’t think Hammond would have let her come back if she was in any real danger.”

“But...?”  Elizabeth saw Olivia’s hesitation and pressed.  “Olivia, please.  I think I have a right to know.”

Olivia sighed.  “They... the DEA... wanted to use her position as Bureau Chief to get an inside track on the new drug kingpin, Rivera.  That’s why she and Robert were ‘engaged’; they were setting things up to give Rivera misleading information.  Her job at the DA’s office was arranged by Hammond.  Then of course, she threw it back at them when they broke their part of the deal by announcing the engagement before she got a chance to talk to me.”

“That’s absurd; they put her right back in the same situation that got her sent into witness protection in the first place!  Why on earth would she agree to something so ludicrous?  My daughter is much more intelligent than that.  She knows better... or she damn well should!!”

Olivia blinked.  Elizabeth rarely swore.  “I think....”  Olivia hesitated to gather her thoughts.  She was having issues with it on several levels as well, but she struggled to make her thoughts coherent for Elizabeth.  “I think she agreed to do it because she wanted to have something here... just in case.”

“In case of what?”

“In case things didn’t work out like she wanted them to.”

“I’m not sure I understand.”

Olivia shook her head.  “I’m not sure I do either.  But it’s the only thing I can think of.  Alex could explain it better.”

“But she hasn’t?”

“Not yet.  We still have a lot to talk about.”

Elizabeth nodded. “I guess you do,” she agreed.  “But I’m glad you forced the important talk, however unorthodox your method.  It’s reassuring to know she has you in her corner regardless of whatever else happens.”  Elizabeth paused.  “She um... she does have you, doesn’t she?”

“Yeah,” Olivia confessed.  “She does,” unwilling to own up to anything more to Elizabeth.  Alex should be the first to hear those words.  After that....

“It works both ways, you know, Sweetheart,” Alex murmured from her spot on Liv’s lap.  “This is a forever kind of thing for me,” blinking open blue eyes and forcing them to focus on the brown above her.  She had to return the dazzling smile Olivia bestowed on her; Alex reached up and traced the full lips until Liv caught her hand.

“That tickles,” she admitted softly, “among other things,” letting Alex see the desire in her eyes.

Alex sucked in a breath and bit her lip.  “Sorry,” she whispered.  She would have pulled away, but Olivia just held onto her.  Alex smiled.  No one had ever made her feel as treasured as Olivia did.  Alex took the hint and stayed put, simply shifting until she was able to see Olivia’s profile and still see her mother in her periphery.

“So, Alexandra... how much did you hear?”

“I heard Liv say I had her.  That was enough to get my attention and bring me out of the delightful haze she had put me into.”  She turned her head a little more and looked up at Olivia.  “What were you two talking about anyway?”

“You,” Olivia answered, tweaking her nose.  “What else?”

“Tell me, Alexandra... do you still play?” deftly changing the subject and motioning to the grand piano at the far end of the room. 

Alex nodded and swallowed hard.  “For a long time, it was all I had left.”

“One day... soon, I hope... I want to hear about it.  I’d like to understand - who you were... what you went through.”

“Will you understand if I’m not ready for that yet?  I want to talk things through with Liv first.  We need to understand before I can share with anyone else.”

“As it should be.  May I make a request?”

“Sure, I guess.”

“Will you play?  I’ve missed it.”

Alex blinked and eased into a sitting position.  “Um... okay,” pushing her hair behind her ears and standing slowly to her feet.  “Anything special you’d like to hear?”

“Anything you feel led to play.  I would just like to hear your music again.”

Alex turned to Olivia.  “What about you, Liv?  Anything particular you prefer?”

Olivia shook her head.  “I never even knew you played.”

Alex cupped her cheek, gratified beyond belief when Liv covered her hand and leaned into her touch.  “There’s a lot we don’t know about each other, Detective.  I’m looking forward to a lifetime of discovering each and every thing there is to know about Olivia Benson.” Neither woman even noticed when Elizabeth slipped from the room.

The emotion of the moment hit Olivia in the gut.  “I don’t know about that, Counselor,” trying to play it off lightly with a joke.  “There’s some very ugly darkness there.  You might not like what you see.”

“Everything, Olivia,” Alex answered seriously.  “I want it all.  Don’t you?” The tone of her voice was plaintive.  “Liv, there are dark spots in my life as well – things I’m not proud of and things that make me feel shame and anger and disgust when I think about them too long.  But I’m willing to share them with you so you know all of who Alexandra Cabot really is.”

Olivia tugged on Alex’s arm, pulling her back down, but this time she ended up in Olivia’s lap.  “You make me feel so much, Alex – things I never thought I could feel, emotions I never expected to have for another human being.  I DO want it all with you, Alex, but I’ve never done relationships before and it scares me.  I scare me; I don’t want to scare you too.”  Liv looked up into compassionate blue eyes and bit her lip.  “Do you realize that Elliot is the longest functional relationship I have ever had and that has only survived because he’s like a brother?  I can love him and fight with him and drink with him because at the end of the day, he goes home to Kathy or his new place and I go back to my apartment.  The emotional bond we feel is that of extended family.  That doesn’t come close to what I feel with you or for you; that is something else beyond.”

“But do you want it, Liv?  Really want it?”

“More than anything else in the whole world.”

“Then we’ll work on it together and make this relationship be everything we want it to be.”

“We’ll keep talking until we figure out what that is?”

“Olivia, I’m a lawyer.  I’ll still be talking when the grim reaper comes knocking.  But we’ll love one another and talk to one another and support one another and even fight with one another just so we can make up.  Beyond that, we can make it up as we go along.  It’s not like either of us are rule followers when it comes to getting something we want.”

Olivia chuckled and Alex looked at her with an eyebrow raised in question.  “That is quite the commentary on our society when a police detective and a city prosecutor admit to breaking the rules on a regular basis for selfish reasons.”

“I never said a word about breaking the rules, Detective.  We just tend to ignore them.”

Then the words stopped as Olivia drew Alex’s mouth to hers, and the two spent several long moments in lazily passionate exploration, mindful that they were in Elizabeth’s home.  When that thought finally wrapped itself around both minds, they pulled away slightly, red color suffusing their complexions.  They gazed at one another in embarrassment before looking around to discover Elizabeth was gone.  They giggled softly.

“I feel like a kid,” Olivia professed.

“You are a kid,” Elizabeth declared as she stepped back in the room with a tray full of tidbits and snack foods.  “I don’t know about you two,” ignoring their intimate position, “but I’m starving.”

“Suddenly, so am I,” Olivia smirked.  She turned to Alex, absently stroking the length of Alex’s thigh.  “Are you going to eat?”

“I’d rather not.  I play better on an empty stomach.”  Alex shrugged.  “It helps me feel the flow.”

“Just keep an eye on her when she gets into a zone, Olivia.  Alexandra tends to forget everything when she plays, much like when she is working.  The biggest difference is music relaxes her and work gives her those horrible headaches.”

“I am still sitting here, you know,” Alex grumbled.  “You don’t need to talk about me in the third person.”

“I just want Olivia to understand so she knows how best to keep an eye on you, Alexandra.  You do have a rather bad history of neglecting yourself – especially when you become completely immersed in something.”

Alex glared at her mother, but it wasn’t very effective... since she knew her mother spoke the truth.  “All right,” she finally allowed with a little huff.  “Once in a while I get carried away.”  Elizabeth broke into gales of laughter.  Alex cut her eyes in Olivia’s direction.  To her credit, she wasn’t laughing, but she was biting her lip so hard it was almost bitten through.  Alex slapped her shoulder and Olivia did laugh.

“Sorry, Sweetheart.  That focus is legendary.”

Alex narrowed her eyes.  “I’m going to go play now,” standing up from Olivia’s lap and crossing the room to the piano.  She ran her fingers down the length of its curves before she reached the keys.  Then she took a deep breath and sat down on the bench.  Olivia watched in fascination as Alex dropped her eyes to her lap and looked at her hands for a long moment.  Then she took a deep breath and moved her hands to the keys and the melodies started to flow.

Elizabeth sat back and closed her eyes, relishing the sounds that wafted over her and throughout the room as Alex poured her heart and soul into the music she played.  Olivia, on the other hand, watched in complete fascination.  Alex was lost in the music and it seemed to bring out a glow from the very center of her being.  The music flowed from classical to jazz to a contemporary melody whose familiarity tickled at the edges of Olivia’s senses.

After almost thirty minutes of uninterrupted music, Alex stopped playing and looked up into Olivia’s eyes.  Then Elizabeth unexpectedly broke the tableau.  “Alexandra, do you still write?”  Alex nodded but otherwise didn’t answer.  “Could you...?” leaving the rest of the question unvoiced.

For answer, Alex put her hands back on the keys and let her heart choose the song playing through the melody briefly before she brought the introduction to an end and moved into the body of the music as she closed her eyes.  Then she took a deep breath and sang, hoping the words from her soul would speak to Olivia’s.

I was never alive,
‘Til the day I was blessed with you:

It had been something she had labored over forever while she had been in witness protection – something she had written for Olivia.  She had started it when she was still struggling with her feelings for and about Detective Olivia Benson.  She’d nearly scrapped it completely before she was even properly settled into her new identity as ‘Emily’, sure she had lost something she would never be able to recover.  But when she had come back for Liam Connor’s trial and saw the reaction to her ‘good man’, saw Liv walk away from Hammond without reading her letter, Alex found herself compelled to finish.  And the completed song had spurred her determination to get back to Olivia and share it with her. 

And when I'm not close enough
To kiss the tears you cry -
You will sing your Angel's Lullaby;
Let this be our Angel’s Lullaby.

“Oh, Alexandra,” Elizabeth breathed when the last residual echo faded from her hearing.  “That was amazing... simply the best you’ve ever written.”

“I had the right inspiration,” she admitted quietly.

“Well, I hope you find it again.” Elizabeth commented, “because I thoroughly enjoyed that.  Now come eat.  I don’t want you keeling over.”

Alex stood, knowing her mother was right, but it broke her heart to realize Olivia had nothing to say about the one song that Alex had written especially for them.  Apparently it hadn’t touched Liv the way Alex had hoped.  Then she found her hands caught in Olivia’s and met the brown eyes that were swirling with a myriad of emotions.

“Thank you,” was all she said, but for the moment... for Alex... it was enough.

************

“Why did you write that song, Sweetheart?  Because that was for me, wasn’t it?”  They were tucked into bed together a little while later; Elizabeth had insisted and neither of them had had the energy to protest.  Now Olivia was spooned up behind Alex and felt the blonde head nod her agreement. 

Alex shifted until she could look Olivia in the eye.  Even a penthouse couldn’t completely eliminate the lights of the city and Alex could just make out the reflection in the dark brown eyes gazing at her with such wonder.  “It was.  At first, it was a way for me to work through what I felt for you – how I wanted to be there and make a difference in your life like you had in mine and so many others.   I watched you deal with so much ugliness and heartbreak and wasn’t able to do anything to make it better; there were times I wasn’t even sure you would welcome me as a friend, much less anything else.  And then I realized you felt the same way I did, and it was all taken away between one heartbeat and the next.  But it wasn’t until I saw you walk away from Hammond after the Connors’ trial that I found the words I needed to finish it.  It fueled the fire of my determination to come home.”

Olivia tightened her arms around Alex and was gratified when Alex snuggled deeply into her embrace.  “I’m glad it did; I’m glad you’re here with me.”

“So am I.”  Alex took a deep breath, thrilling to their combined scent.  “Do you think we could go to the park tomorrow if it’s nice?”

“Sure.  Should we pick up a Frisbee or something?”  Alex chuckled and Liv gave her an inquiring look.

“You know... I don’t think I have ever played Frisbee before.”

“Then we will definitely have to do that.  But that’s not why you asked, is it?”

Alex shook her head.  “I thought we could go to your bench and talk.  We’ve got to start sometime and I would prefer to be somewhere where we won’t be overheard.”  She shrugged.  “Something I learned during my time in witness protection and with the DEA.”

“If that’s what makes you comfortable, Sweetheart, you’ve got yourself a date.”

“I love you, Olivia.”

“I love you back, Alex.  Goodnight, Sweetheart.”

************

The ringing of her cell phone brought Liv out of what had been a sound sleep.  She realized as she snagged her phone off the nightstand that she hadn’t had bad dreams since Alex’s return and wondered if it had been the same for Alex.  She certainly didn’t remember Alex waking with nightmares, but she made a mental note to ask. 

“Benson.”  Beat.  “All right, Elliot.  I’ll be right there.”

“Baby?” Alex blinked open sleepy eyes.  “Again?”

“Yeah... El said there are kids involved.”

Alex reached up and covered Olivia’s cheek.  “You need to go, but you be careful and stay safe.”  She paused but didn’t release her hold and Olivia didn’t pull away.  “I’ll miss you.  I sleep better when you’re here – no nightmares.”

“Me, too.  I’ll try to get back as quick as possible.”

“Call me if you’re going to be a while.  I’ll swing by the station and bring you guys some breakfast.”

“You don’t....”

“I know I don’t; I want to.”

“Thanks, Baby,” leaning down for a brief kiss before pulling away to get dressed.  Olivia watched Alex curl around her pillow and arched an eyebrow in her direction. Alex blushed and smiled sheepishly.  “It’s the only way I’ll go back to sleep.  It smells like you.”

Olivia pulled up the cover and tucked her in, kissing her forehead before snatching up her badge and gun.  “Happy dreams, Alex,” she said and closed the door softly behind her.

“Be careful out there, Love,” Alex whispered into the dark.


Chapter XI

“What time did you get in?” Alex asked Olivia as they walked side by side towards the park.

“Couple hours after I left, I guess.  I got to the scene shortly before social services and the family got to the precinct apparently.  They were waiting when El and I got there with the kids.  I didn’t hang around once they were released into their aunt’s custody; there wasn’t anything for me to do really.  And since I wasn’t actually on duty....”

Alex threaded her hand through Olivia’s arm and tucked her hand into the crook of her elbow.  “You’re a good person, Olivia Benson.  Elliot doesn’t know how lucky he is to have you as a partner.”  Liv blushed but gave Alex a rakish smile.

“Do you?”

“Know how lucky Elliot is?  Only on a superficial level.  But that’s okay... he’ll never know how lucky I am either.”  This time Olivia’s blush was beet red and her expression almost shy.  Alex smiled.  She loved being able to keep the normally tough, unshakeable detective off balance.  “C’mon,” tugging Olivia by the hand as they reached the green of Central Park.  “I want you to teach me Frisbee.”

Laughing, they headed towards the grassy area where several people were enjoying the warm day playing Frisbee and catch and what appeared to be tag.  Olivia spent a few minutes showing Alex the basics, then she moved a short distance away and they began tossing the Frisbee back and forth.  It was all rather tame and sedate but proceeding pretty well, so after a few minutes, Olivia backed up a few more steps.  And then things got just slightly nuts; because it seemed that Alex Cabot, Assistant District Attorney and Bureau Chief extraordinaire – the same woman who walked gracefully in a straight skirt and heels and made it look easy - had more than a little hand/eye coordination problem when any distance was involved.  And neither of them was prepared for the Frisbee to hit Alex right between the eyes.

She stood stock still after it happened, the shock of impact freezing her into place.  Olivia, on the other hand, found her feet had wings and was by Alex's side almost before the Frisbee hit the ground.  "Oh, God, Alex... are you okay?  Lemme see, Baby."  She removed Alex's hand from where it had flown to cover her nose.  Alex tried to blink the tears away, but they insisted on flowing from her eyes anyway.  Liv wiped them carefully away, looking at the welt that was raised across the bridge of Alex's nose.  She touched it tenderly, wincing in tandem with Alex's flinch.  "Sorry," she said softly.  "I don't think it's broken, but it's gonna hurt like a son of a bitch for a few days."

"I'm sorry, Liv."

Olivia frowned.  "What for, Alex?  You didn't do anything wrong. I'm the one that clocked you, remember?"

"Yes, but it wasn't on purpose and I know that.  I was hoping Frisbee might be different for me."

Olivia reached down and grabbed the Frisbee, then tucked Alex's hand into her arm before leading her towards a vendor.  She snagged two sodas and a small foil wrapper of ice from the man who had seen the accident, giving him the Frisbee with a wry smile.  Then she led Alex into the shade of trees, headed towards her thinking bench.  Liv seated Alex carefully, offering the ice that Alex took with a glare and a resigned sigh. Then she opened both sodas, putting one in Alex's free hand and keeping the second for herself and taking a seat next to Alex.  Immediately, Alex leaned against Liv with another sigh.

"Um, Alex?  What did you mean when you said you hoped Frisbee would be different for you?  I thought you had never played Frisbee before."

"I hadn't," Alex confirmed instantly.   Then she shifted the ice pack and grimaced as the cold hit warm skin.  "I was hoping my coordination had improved with age."  She peeked at Liv from behind the foil.  "It hasn't," she added wryly.

"You didn't like phys ed very much, did you?" Liv teased gently.

"I hated every phys ed course I was forced to endure that wasn't about running, swimming or dance."

"Swimming was my sport of choice," Olivia confided.  "But I enjoyed pretty much every athletic game I was allowed to participate in.  We didn't have dance, but I was on the track, softball, basketball and swim teams in high school and in college.  Played a little golf and tennis once in a while when I could fit it in to my schedule.  Sometimes I miss the chance to play."

"No wonder you're in such fantastic shape.  I ran to give me the breathing I needed to swim, but swimming was the only thing I did competitively.  Dance was something for me... like my music, but not.  Mother actually got me involved in dance to keep me from sitting at the piano all the time."

"You could have been a concert pianist."

Alex shrugged.  "Maybe, but playing is something I need to feel to do.  I'm a little selfish about sharing that much of myself."

Olivia reached out and covered the hand that held the soda.  "Then thank you for sharing it with me.  I hope you'll do it again."

Alex put her drink on the bench and threaded their fingers together.  "Liv, you're the only person in the world I would share with everyday if you wanted to hear it."

Olivia squeezed the hand she held.  "We're gonna need a bigger place then.  'Cause there is no room in the apartment we have now for a piano unless we move something out.  Not that we couldn't do that.  I mean... there is nothing there I am permanently attached to, except maybe the books."

"Liv?" Alex asked, slipping the ice from her face so she could look Olivia squarely in the eyes.  "Why did you take me home?"  She smiled sadly and wiped the wrinkle lines from the frown on Olivia's forehead.  "You didn't have to invite me home with you; you could have let me continue living at the hotel."

"Are you having second thoughts about us living together, Alex?"

"No, Olivia Benson.; I most certainly am not!  So don't think you're getting rid of me on my account.  I’m not leaving you unless you throw me to the curb... you got it?"

Olivia couldn't help the grin that formed at Alex's words and the forcefulness of her tone.  "Yes ma'am!" she snapped out.  "I got it!"

"Good!" Alex nodded, though she couldn't stop the blush.  "Now will you answer my question?"

Olivia let out a deep breath and looked across the park.  "I was afraid that if I let you go again, there wouldn't be another chance for us.  And I wanted this with you.  I know... no, I think that a lot of things changed for you while you were gone.  I was hoping how you felt about me wasn't one of them and when I found out it wasn't, I didn't want to let it go."

"I'm glad," Alex confessed.  "I didn't want to be alone – I didn't want to be without you and having you invite me to stay where I most wanted to be....  Do you know that was one of the hardest things about being in witness protection?  Besides being away from everyone you know or care about, you can't really afford to let anyone be close to you.  Even when Michael held me late at night while I cried for all I had lost, I was still completely alone."

"Did you have anyone in Florida?"

"No.  I wasn't going to risk anyone or anything else coming between us.  My sole goal was to get Velez so I could come home to you.  You don't know how many nights I laid awake in my bed there hoping it wasn't going to be too little, too late."

"I dated a few times after the Connors trial," Olivia said softly.  "But it was like playing pretend to me.  No matter how much I tried to tell myself to get over you and move on with my life, I couldn't help but wonder why I bothered.  You were always right there with me."

"What happened to Elliot and Kathy?" Alex asked suddenly.  "I always thought they were so solid."

"Elliot was an idiot," Olivia answered briefly.  "He stopped talking to her, stopped sharing about his life and his work.  Then he made the mistake of projecting that to me."

"Excuse me?"  Light brows went into blonde hair.  "Are you saying Elliot made a pass at you?" storms brewing in dark blue eyes.

"NO!  He knows better.  He just... he made things uncomfortable between us for a little while.  But I straightened him out damn quick, though it wasn't quick enough to keep his marriage intact.  He and Kathy are trying to put things back together – learning to communicate and talk to one another again."

"That's why this is so important to you, isn't it?  That's why you have been so adamant about me sharing whatever I felt comfortable with as I was able to."  Olivia just nodded, keeping her eye focused on their linked hands.  "Oh, Liv...." watching brown eyes track to hers at her tone.  "Things make so much more sense now to me.  Thank you for being so patient about it.  I promise you... I promise I will make the effort to talk to you about everything – even the things that hurt or are uncomfortable to talk about.  I did without you for three years and spent all that time talking to you.  I'm not going to let the fact that you are finally with me in real time change that."

"I kept a diary... a journal... in the form of letters to you.  It was the only way I had of keeping you close.  It was my secret."

"Would you... can I... would you mind if I read them?"

Olivia shook her head.  "No; it would probably make it easier for you to understand.  It would be easier for me than trying to explain."

"Maybe we could exchange journals then," Alex offered shyly.  "I did the same thing."  She couldn't stop the grin that formed.  "I think it used to piss Hammond off actually.  He tried to threaten me about it; said I was jeopardizing my safety."

"What did you tell him?" Olivia asked, intrigued by the look on Alex's face.

"Bite me," Alex answered succinctly.  "He learned pretty quickly when he could push and when to back off.  That's one reason he hasn't pursued the Rivera situation any further with me.  He knows the answer isn't going to change."

"Can I ask why you agreed to that in the first place?  You had to know the danger you were walking back into."

"Jack assured me there would be very little danger to me.  I was supposed to be the link to the DA's office until Robert could make better connections – 'innocently' helping him by introducing him to the right people because he was my fiancé."  Alex rolled her eyes.  "My celebrity status was going to be used to open doors that otherwise might not open so easily, even for a Cabot; we were going to break things off once he was established with the people he needed an 'in' with."

"Yeah, I know all that, but why did you agree to do it?  You knew there would be some danger and you'd already lost three years of your life to witness protection because of a similar situation.  Why would you take that risk again?  Are you some sort of secret adrenaline junkie?"

"Well, though I probably would be classified as an adrenaline junkie, that isn't the reason I did this."  Alex sighed.  "Even though I made your knowledge of the truth contingent on my taking the assignment in hopes that it might make a difference in what happened between us, I honestly didn't know how you would react to my being back here or if you would even care anymore.  I was hoping... but after what had happened between us during the Connors trial, I wasn't sure.  At least agreeing to help Robert gave me a legitimate reason to be here if nothing else worked out."

"You were really that sure that I wouldn't be glad you were finally home?"

"I was sure you would never forgive me for my 'good man' comment."

"Alex," Olivia said seriously, turning until they faced one another completely and held both hands in hers.  "Even if you hadn't come after me the other night, I would never have begrudged you the chance to be home again.  I would have been angry... furious... at you for not wanting me to be a part of your life any longer, but part of me would have been glad you had beaten the system.  And I know Elizabeth would have been thrilled regardless of the reason, though she does think you lost your mind for agreeing to do anything else for the DEA – conditional or not."

"I confess Hammond caught me in a moment of weakness.  I think he thought what I feared," she admitted honestly, "that you wouldn't care.  It's the only reason I can think of for him to agree to that condition so readily.  And knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that you didn't care would have made me a much more willing participant."

"So I've really put his shorts in a bunch then."

"Yes and no.  Yes because he was honestly surprised at what has happened between us.  No because despite everything, I think he did want things to work out for me.  They really don't get a lot of happy endings in his business."

"Then why did he...?"

"I don't think HE did.  I think it was Robert who let it slip – whether to Rivera or someone else."

"But if that's the case, that means Rivera already has contacts on the inside.  Isn't that dangerous for you... once they find out the truth?"

"I don't know.  I don't see what difference it makes if Robert is introduced to the right people in a timely manner.  I could always make him out to be part of the reason I was able to return home – that his legal wrangling with the DEA ensured my ability to return to my former life.  I already told Hammond I would quit the DA's office before I allow a public announcement to be made about the supposed engagement now.  I don't think he'll do anything; he knew I was serious."

"What about Robert?  Why did he overstep his bounds like that?  Surely he knew how you would react if he tried to back you into a corner."

"I don't think he anticipated your reaction, Detective.  I'm certain he never expected to be handed his ass on a platter.  God, that was so sexy."  Alex leered in Olivia's direction and enjoyed the light blush that crawled up the tanned skin.  "As to the why... there was no real reason for it unless he is just that insecure – but then he shouldn't be a field agent.  Jack should have warned him not to push like that... especially since he knew the conditions I had set."

Olivia's brow furrowed.  "Did he complain about them when you made them?"

"Long and loud," Alex nodded.  "But Jack assured him that not only was he not qualified to argue with me, doing so would only get him more and more conditions to meet."  Alex waggled her eyebrows.  "He was right about that."

Olivia had to grin at the utter truth of that statement.  Arguing with Alexandra Cabot was something she'd had to hone to an art form.  "So if Robert was so obviously not qualified to take on this assignment," turning serious again, "why did he get it?" Olivia asked.  This wasn't the conversation she had been hoping to have today, but she was finding it quite enlightening.  And with the promise of exchanging diaries with Alex, she knew they would both find a lot of the answers they needed.

"Jack never bothered to explain to me why Robert Claiborne was chosen for this assignment."  She bit her lip thoughtfully.  "Come to think of it, I'm not even sure he’s a real DEA agent.  He was certainly never introduced to me as such."

"This just gets weirder and weirder."

"Yes, it does," Alex agreed with a frown.  "I am beginning to have my doubts about how much truth I was told."  She thought about it a moment and then shook her head to clear it.  "Enough about this for today.  Until I do a little research and ask a few more questions, we're not going to know any more about what is really going on.  What do you say," Alex asked as she rose to her feet, "to a walk around the park and then maybe a long, leisurely lunch at the Plaza?  I think we need to take advantage of the peace and quiet as long as it’s ours to share."

"That sounds wonderful," accepting the hand Alex proffered and taking up a comfortable stride together as they started their walk.  "Maybe we should find some time to go apartment hunting too.  Not today," Olivia qualified quickly.  "But sometime soon.  It'd be nice to have a place together that gave you space to play.  That was like... soul renewal for me.  I could get used to that feeling very quickly."

Alex flushed.  "That is the highest compliment you can pay an artist you know – allowing them to touch your soul."  A pause.  "Um... if you're serious about looking for a bigger place, I could contact Julia Rothschild.  She and her family have been Cabot realtors for as long as I can remember.  We could tell her what we are looking for and she would narrow down our options for us, so we don't have to spend all of our free time together looking for places all over the city."

"We can decide what we want first?"

"Yes – where, how big, how much... everything."

Olivia nodded.  "All right.  Sounds like a plan... let's do it."

Alex blinked, then broke into a small smile.  "You think I'd remember that about you, but it surprises me every time."  Olivia quirked an eyebrow and Alex bumped her with a shoulder.  "Once you settle on a course of action, there's no hesitation.  You just move forward full speed ahead."

"I've found I get a lot more out of life that way."

"I may have to learn how to do that," Alex pronounced, tucking her hand into Olivia's elbow and leading her off the path as they reached the side of the park where the Plaza was located.

"I think you've got it down, Alex," Liv smirked.  "That would explain the DEA anyway."

"No... that I'm blaming on a blonde moment."  Olivia couldn't stop the laughter, and after a moment, neither could Alex.

************

"You're sure about what you saw, Lorenzo?"

"Yes, Mr. Rivera."

"All right, my friend.  Good work."  Lorenzo accepted the praise with a gracious inclination of his head.  "I want you to continue to observe the situation, but do not under any circumstance interfere without my express permission.  We might be able to use this to our advantage."

"Yes, Mr. Rivera."  The older man nodded and took his leave. 

Before he made it to the door, Rivera called him back.  "Lorenzo?"  Lorenzo turned and waited respectfully for the boss to speak.  "Assign someone to Robert Claiborne.  I want to know what he is doing that he seems to have lost control of a woman who by all accounts was broken by her time in witness protection.  He assured me she was a lock."

"Yes, Mr. Rivera," Lorenzo agreed again, and this time he actually made it out the door.  Rivera turned his chair until he was facing the window.  There were many things he had to consider. 

************

"So Liv," Elliot asked as she came into the squad room early Monday morning.  "How was your weekend?" waggling his eyebrows.

She smirked at him.  "It was nice, Elliot.  Except for being called in at oh-dark-thirty yesterday morning, it was pleasantly peaceful."

"Aw, c'mon Liv... you gotta give me more detail than that."

"I don't kiss and tell, El.  You of all people should know that by now."  She dropped a bag on his desk, then did similarly to Munch and Fin before taking a seat at her desk.   "And besides... since when do you ask?"

"Since Alex Cabot came back into your life.  Do you understand what a difference that has made in you?  Liv, it's been less than a week and you're so different.  It's like having the real you back again only more so than ever."

"It gives credence to the theories circulating about government cloning and the pod people they produce as stand-ins for the actual human host."

Olivia raised an eyebrow.  "Are you saying I'm a pod person, John?"

"I'm saying that the person you are sitting here today is much closer to the Olivia Benson I first knew than the woman who has occupied that chair for the last three years.  It simply lends credibility to the pod people theory, given that the change in both instances is tied to one Alexandra Cabot, who, in point of fact, was part of an acknowledged government program."

Fin balled up his napkin and flung it at Munch, hitting him squarely in the forehead.  "Man, will you just kill the conspiracy theory shit this morning?  It is too damn early."

"Hear! Hear!" Olivia concurred heartily.  "Just be happy I'm happy for the first time in what feels like forever.  Should make for a nice change around here."

"All right," Munch agreed without much fuss.  "But if you turn into Little Mary Sunlight, I'm calling in the Marines."

"Hoo-rah!" Stabler chirped with a leer.

"If I turn into Little Mary Sunlight," Olivia said drolly, "you'd better call in a firing squad - because I will probably go postal shortly thereafter just to minimize the saccharine overload."  The entire squad room burst into laughter.  Then the phone rang and their attention turned back to the seriousness of their work.

"Benson, my office," Cragen called from his doorway.  She and Elliot exchanged a look, then Stabler shrugged his shoulders and turned back to the work already on his desk.  Olivia stood and crossed to the captain's office, wondering what she'd done to merit a private session with Donald Cragen.

He closed the door behind her and motioned her to a seat before stepping behind his desk and taking his chair.  He looked at her a long moment.  "Olivia, how are things going for you?  You seem to be in a much better frame of mind since Alex Cabot's return to your life."

Liv was more than a little nonplussed.  Not that she and Alex together were much of a secret, but she'd never expected the brass, not even her captain, to ask her so directly.  She stared at him wide-eyed for almost a full minute then swallowed hard and answered.

"I'm good, Cap.  We're good.  Things are fine, sir.  Um... can I ask you why you're asking?"

Don Cragen smiled.  "In this case, Olivia, it’s just friendly interest.  It's good to see you smile again.  It's been a long time coming."  Olivia nodded, but didn't respond otherwise.  "Now," Cragen continued, his voice going more professional and less personal.  "About those rape/murders that happened on Friday – you and the other detectives that caught those cases will be working together on a task force that will also include several narc officers.  Since all indications are that the victims were tied to Velez, it puts Rivera and his organization at the top of the list for suspects."  He paused and bit his lip pensively and she sighed, knowing what was coming.

"Let me guess – Hammond and the DEA want to be a part of this."

"They are simply looking for information at this point.  Apparently, they already have someone in place inside Rivera's business."

"If it is who I suspect it is, Cap, it's gonna be a problem for me to stay on this case.  I already had a run-in with him and took him down like a perp."  Cragen raised an eyebrow.  Olivia shrugged.  "Let's just say I didn't know who he was at the time, and he was throwing his weight around and harassing Alex.  He's lucky I didn't run him in for assault."

Cragen nodded.  "All right, Olivia.  I'll talk to Hammond and see what the story is.  For now, though, stay on the case and see what you can come up with.  The guys will help, but until I hear otherwise, you're the primary," handing her a list with the names of the detectives from the other boroughs that were also part of the task force.

"Okay, Cap.  Any way we can get everyone in the same place for this?"

Don shook his head.  "I doubt it... not this early in the game.  At this point, sharing and analyzing all the data we have from fifteen different crime scenes is going to be a full time job.  But set up a situation area in the corner... something we could use as a meeting space with all the information in one place if and when it comes to that."

"Yes, sir," she replied, standing and turning to the door.  She put her hand on the knob when Cragen's voice stopped her again.

"Congratulations, Olivia.  It really is good to see you happy."

"Thanks, Don.  It's good to feel that way again too."  Then she stepped back into the squad room to get to work.  It promised to be a really long day.

Part 2