Chapter XXIII

The silence was deafening.  Alex’s mouth was slightly open with the shock of staring at a likeness so accurate it was like staring into a mirror.  It was a pencil sketch and if Alex was a betting woman, she’d guess the image was from a day in court – the only difference being that the image had been drawn through the eyes of one who loved her.  Page after page of her likeness was drawn from a variety of Olivia’s memories and some strictly from her imagination.  There were others – Elliot and his family; a woman she supposed was Olivia’s mother when she was much younger; the guys from the one-six; children in the park – but mostly, they were of Alex or of Alex and Olivia together.

“Oh, Liv....” Alex breathed.

Olivia twisted her hands together.  “That bad?”

“That stunning – mind-blowing, even.  These are incredible – Liv, you should be showing in a gallery.  In fact, I could make a few calls....”

“No, Alex... please.  This for me is like your music is for you.  It’s very private and personal and not something I’m comfortable sharing with the world.  I was kinda hoping you would start with the apartment one first so we could have worked up to the portraits... though at least you started with the tamer one,” the last muttered under her breath.

Alex’s eyes widened perceptibly behind her glasses.  “You drew us erotically?” reaching for the second sketchbook, only to find her hand covered by Olivia’s before she could grasp it.

“Before you open that....”  Alex cocked an eyebrow and waited.  “I want you to know I didn’t actually start this book, as badly as I wanted to, until after you were put into witness protection.  My memories were all I had left of you – I didn’t think it would matter at that point if I daydreamed a little.”  She paused and Alex waited, sensing she wasn’t done.  After a moment, Olivia continued.  “When you came back for the Connors’ trial, I stopped drawing again for a very long time... at least anything that I wanted to keep.  When I did finally start drawing again, it had nothing to do with you or us.  I couldn’t.”

Alex cleared her throat, painfully conscious of how tight it was.  “I’m sorry....” she started, but Olivia covered her lips.

“Don’t be.  We’re past that now.  I just wanted you to understand where the images came from and why they stopped so abruptly.  Besides, it made me look outside myself for inspiration.  That’s what helped me to create the work in the third sketchbook... the stuff I’d like to put into our new home.”

“Maybe I should save the erotica for bedtime viewing and see what your soul sees when you look at the world through those eyes.” 

“Your choice, Sweetheart.  I know I have some new illustrations to add to that book after what we’ve actually shared together.  You’re a very creative lover, Alexandra Cabot.”

Alex blushed so hard Liv feared that the blood might actually burst forth from her skin.  She felt the heat radiating from inches away.  “Only because I’ve found incredible inspiration in you, Olivia Benson.  Well,” she added mischievously, trying to lighten the atmosphere, “that and you are amazingly open-minded about trying new things.  I never had a lover like you before.”

Liv lifted the ring to her lips.  “And never will again, I’ll wager.”

“No bet,” Alex said somberly, “because you are absolutely right.”

“So... are we looking at art or erotica?”

“Art,” Alex replied without hesitation.  “I’m fairly certain the erotica will lead to hot monkey sex and I’d really like to hear what you have in mind for the apartment first.  Then we can go look and decide what new positions to try or what favorites you need to add.”

Olivia had just taken a big swallow of wine and choked.  “God, is it getting hot in here?”

“Nuh uh,” Alex said with a smirk.  “That’s all you, Hot Stuff.”

This time the wine went flying.

************

“Liv, your work is phenomenal,” Alex said as she settled into bed later.  “I can’t wait to see what you do with the new place.”  Liv dropped the sketchbook onto the bed on her way to the bathroom. 

“Well, I’ve never had such a big canvas before and I’ve never worked with tile like that.  Maybe it’s something we could work on together?”

“Ooh... could we?  I mean, you wouldn’t mind?”

Liv spit and rinsed before she came back out of the bathroom.  “I’d like it.  It’d be nice to be able to share that with you.”  Alex frowned and so did Olivia.  “You don’t have to, Alex.  I wouldn’t force you to do something you don’t want to do.”

Alex blinked and shook her head.  “Oh no... NO, Sweetheart!  I want to... I absolutely want to.  I was just thinking about what you said.”  Olivia raised an eyebrow at her.  “These are all you have here, right?” holding up the sketchbook.  Liv nodded.  “So you have others stored somewhere else, correct?”

“Good detective work, Counselor,” Olivia said with a teasing smile.

“I have a personal trainer,” Alex added wickedly.  “She’s the best,” waggling her eyebrows and causing Olivia to laugh.  It was a sound she never got tired of hearing.  “Anyway, do you think we could go take a look at your other work sometime?  I’d really like to see it.”

“Sure.  I’m on call this weekend, but we could probably take a short trip.”

“Good,” opening the sketchbook.  “Now let’s see what kinds of daydreams you were having about me while I was gone.”

It didn’t take long for the sketchbook to be put to the wayside and Alex started making Olivia’s daydreams become a nighttime reality.

************

“So, did Alex show you what cover-up to use or was it just not much of a hickey?”

“Shut up, Elliot.”

“Aw, c’mon, Liv.  You’re the only one of us around here getting any regular action lately,” Munch complained.  “It wouldn’t kill you to share a few of the less personal details.”

“John, as far as I’m concerned, anything involving Alex is personal.”

“You’re killing me... you know that, right?”

“Don’t you people have something to do?” Cragen asked from his office door.  “I realize it’s slow at the moment, but I’m pretty sure I’m waiting on some DD-fives.  Olivia?” turning his attention to her.  “Has anyone heard from Casey?  Did we get a verdict on the Reynolds’ case?”

“Yes, we did,” Casey announced as she breezed into the precinct.  “Guilty on all counts despite the last minute shenanigans of his lawyer.”  She looked around the room.  “Can you arrest him for stupid?”

Elliot laughed.  “Give us the code; we’ll lock ‘em up.”

Liv snorted.  “If we could do that, there wouldn’t be any more defense attorneys.”

Even Casey laughed at that one.  “So, drinks tonight?”

“I’m in,” Munch said.

“Sure,” from Fin.

“Kathy and I have a date, but we’ll stop by first.”

“Whoo hoo!”
“Way to go!”
“Congrats, El!”

He smiled and accepted their congratulations.  Talking to Alex yesterday had helped him put to rest some issues that had plagued him for years, and he and Kathy had shared some serious conversation.  It wasn’t enough, but at least they had finally laid a strong foundation to rebuild on.  “What about you, Liv?  You and Alex gonna join us?”

“We’ll try.  We have therapy tonight, but we can come by for a little bit afterwards.  As long as it’s not Mahoney’s – we don’t go to Mahoney’s.”

“None of us do, Liv,” Casey confided with a hand on her arm.  “So how about Finnegan’s at seven?”

Everyone agreed and Cragen nodded satisfactorily.  “Wonderful... now that plans have been made for the evening, would it be too much to ask for a little work to get done around here today, please?  Casey, you have some paperwork for me, I believe?”

They waited until Cragen shut the door before they turned back to Olivia.  “So....”

“Get to work, guys.  I don’t kiss and tell.”

Elliot blew her a raspberry.  Munch and Fin exchanged smirks and turned their attention to their paperwork. 

************

“Oh my....” Janet said as Alex and Olivia crossed the threshold into her office.  “It seems a lot has changed in the week since I saw you last.”  She took Alex’s hand in hers.  “Congratulations – Detective Benson, you’ve got exquisite taste.  May I ask what precipitated this?  Last week you were worried about the baggage you were bringing in to your relationship.”

“Actually... you did.  You mentioned it and it made me think – made us both think, in point of fact.”  Janet waited for Alex to continue.  “You were right about the baggage – it’s always going to be there to some extent.  But what we have should be celebrated and honored for the wonder that it is.  We – of ALL people – know how quickly it can all be taken away.  So we decided not to waste another moment not being everything that we can to one another.  The rest we’ll keep working on.”

Janet sat stock still for a very long moment just looking at the two of them.  “You were very convincing in the courtroom, weren’t you?”

“I had my moments.”

“You ended up in jail,” Olivia snickered. Janet’s brow rose.

“I would like to hear about that later,” the doctor stated unequivocally.  “But I have to believe that any case you believed in you showed the same intensity and passion as you just displayed.  All we have to do is dig for it, Alex.  It’s there waiting to be found.  Now tell me about your week and then we can move on to whatever topic you’d like to discuss.”

***********

Janet rubbed a hand across her forehead.  "You know, Alex... I don't think I've ever met anyone who attracts trouble quite the way you do.”

“No kidding,” Alex muttered.  “Trust me... if I could change that particular talent, I’d do it in a heartbeat.”

“Well, if it makes you feel better, I think it’s probably made you into one of the strongest people I’ve ever met.  You seem to be coping with it very well.  How do you feel you’re doing?”

“Most days I’m good but then fortunately for me, most days aren’t like yesterday.  And even when I have days like yesterday, I still have Olivia.”

“What about you, Olivia?  Do you have any sort of support system in place?”

“Yes, and so does Alex.  Most of our friends and colleagues have been very supportive, and the ones that aren’t pretty much go their own way.”

“How so?”

Olivia smiled wryly.  “Liberal hotspot or not, not everyone in New York is gay-friendly, especially in our professions.  Fortunately, most of those that we have to interact with seem to follow a code of live and let live.”

“Jim Steele being an exception?”

“Jim Steele has had issues with me since long before we ended up in the prosecutor’s office together.  He just needs a kick in the ass.”

“He threatens you like that ever again, and he’s going to get more than a kick in the ass.”

“Would you really do him physical harm, Olivia?  Especially if all he did was threaten with words?”

“So fast he’d never see it coming,” she said without hesitation.  “I don’t like him and I don’t like his attitude towards Alex.”

“So you feel violence is your only recourse?”

“I think that violence might be the only thing he would understand.  I hope not; it actually wasn’t my first choice in our first two encounters.  But I think he’s had all the chances he’s entitled to.”

“That’s interesting.  Alex, how do you feel about it?”

“Violence isn’t ever a good choice, but Liv’s right... sometimes it is all that some people understand.  I’d rather just walk away.  I’ve seen... we’ve seen...” she said, reaching for Olivia’s hand and stroking her knuckles with her thumb, “what happens when violence wins.  It’s just not worth the bad karma.”

Liv looked at Alex and held her eyes for a long moment.  “All right, Baby.  We’ll walk away.  We’ve had enough bad karma to last the rest of our lifetimes.”

“Thank you,” Alex said softly. 

The silence stretched on until Janet felt compelled to break it.  “So tell me about your wedding plans.”

************

“I like her.  I know I do most of the talking, but she guides the conversation really well.”

“Yeah, she does.  Does it bother you that I want to beat the snot out of Jim Steele?”

“Not really... I mean you’ve been very patient with him.  Robert has seen more reaction from you.  But I don’t think Jim Steele is worth the crap it would cause.  Besides, Arthur’s influence is far-reaching.  He’ll make sure that when he finally finds work, Jim Steele will be well out of our lives.”

Liv smiled as the taxi pulled up in front of Finnegan’s.  “Good,” she said as she opened the door and stepped out.  “It’s nice to have friends in high places.”

“I like the friends we have just fine,” Alex commented as they headed into the bar.

The detectives of the one-six already had a table and they were greeted enthusiastically as they stepped in the door.  Olivia put her hand on the small of Alex’s back and guided them to the table.  They took seats around the table and Casey poured them each a beer from the fuller pitcher on the table.  Alex signaled for their waitress and ordered another round and munchies for everyone.

“This is nice,” Kathy said when they were all settled.

“Yeah, it is,” Olivia agreed.  “We don’t do it very often anymore.”

“It’s definitely different than girls’ night out.”  The four women exchanged knowing glances and snickered.  The men looked at each other, then turned their attention back to their beer.  Some secrets weren’t worth trying to extract, especially when they were out-numbered and without Cragen, they were - if only just.  Then their food arrived and they concentrated on eating for a little while.  And when conversation resumed, it moved on to other topics.

************

“You guys didn't have to bring me home," Alex protested as Elliot drove up in front of Olivia's apartment.  "I know you're supposed to be on a date, and I'm pretty sure chauffeuring me home doesn't qualify as a date activity."

Kathy smiled and patted Alex's arm.  "Alex, one day when we have the time, I'd like to sit down with you and tell you just exactly why chauffeuring you home is something both Elliot and I are glad to include as part of our date.  Suffice it to say for now that we owe you – we both do – above and beyond what you said to him yesterday.  And it's little enough to do for Olivia who has done so much for us."

"You want us to walk you up?" Elliot asked as he opened up Alex's door.  "It won't take but a minute and we've got plenty of time until the late movie."

"I'll be fine."

"We'll wait here until you get in then," Elliot stated firmly.  Alex nodded.

"Thank you, Elliot.  I appreciate it and the ride home.  Goodnight, guys."  Then she went up the steps and into the building, flipping on a light and waving at them from the window when she was safely inside the apartment.  Then she kicked off her shoes and grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge before flopping gracelessly onto the leather couch to let her mind review the night.

Even with Olivia having been called to the scene of a crime, Alex reflected, it had been a good evening.  It was the first time they had done something like that since her return home.  The guys had been funny and it had been like old times sitting around the table telling war stories and sharing memories with the people who’d meant so much to her.  It had been, in its own imitable way, a coming full circle, and it had been nice to have Casey and Kathy there to share it as well.

When the call had come in requiring Olivia’s presence at a crime scene, Elliot had risen to go with her.  But a word from Liv and Munch and Fin volunteering to accompany her meant instead that Casey went with her three detectives and Alex was brought home by Elliot and Kathy to wait and wonder and worry.

She realized she must have fallen asleep on the couch because the next thing she felt was a blanket being draped over her body and the tender touch of soft fingers on her forehead brushing her hair back out of her face.  Blue eyes blinked open sleepily to gaze into smiling brown ones, though she could see heartache lurking behind the smile Olivia gave her.

“Hi,” she whispered, unable to manage anything louder right out of sleep.  Alex scooted over and opened her arms.  “Come here.”  Olivia fell into them, unable to resist the desire to be comforted by Alex.  They didn’t talk – not yet... there was no need.  In a little while they would, and Olivia would share a little bit of the burden she had picked up at the crime scene she’d been witness to.  But for the moment, it was enough for them to be in one another’s arms again.  When Alex felt Olivia finally relax against her, she kissed the top of the dark head nestled against her chest.  “I didn’t mean to fall asleep on you.  What time is it?”

“A little after three.  You get home all right?”

“Yes.  When you guys left, Elliot and Kathy insisted on bringing me home before they went out.”  Alex paused.  “How was it?  Are you okay?”

“Bad... and no, but I will be as long as I can stay here.”

“Baby, we can stay here forever as far as I’m concerned, but wouldn’t you rather move this to the bedroom?  At least you don’t have to worry about falling off the edge.”

Olivia grinned crookedly.  “I dunno, Counselor.  I’ve seen you take up more than your share of the bed.”

“Hello, Pot... this is Kettle.  Besides, I just use you as a mattress.”

“Yeah, you do that, don’t you?”  Olivia slid from the edge of the couch and held out her hand.  “C’mon, Kettle... we can talk when the sun comes up.  Right now, I just want to hold you in my arms and breathe in your scent.”

Alex wrinkled her nose.  “Then we should probably take a shower first.  I still smell like a bar,” not mentioning Olivia’s innate need to wash away what she had seen.  “Come on... I’ll wash your back if you’ll wash mine.”

“I never turn down that sort of invitation.  Then we’re sleeping in; the perp can cool his heels in jail until I get there in the morning.”

Alex grinned. “That’s my girl.”

“Oh yeah.”

************

“You want to talk about it?”

“Not really.  You shouldn’t have to... not anymore....”  Long, slender fingers covered her lips.

“Oh no, Detective – do you see this ring?” holding her left hand right up to Olivia’s nose so she had to cross her eyes to see. “This ring gives me the right to help you bear your burdens and soothe away the nightmares – not just share your happiness and joy.  You don’t get to do the hard stuff by yourself anymore.  Now talk to me, Liv.”

A long silence followed by a sigh before Olivia started talking.  “It was a kid, Alex... a pregnant kid whose boyfriend got angry when she told him it was his baby.  He beat the crap out of her until she lost it.  And then he sat there smoking a cigarette until we got there.  I thought Fin was gonna go postal on his ass... Munch nearly did.  It was all I could do not to beat the crap out of him myself.”

“I can understand that, Liv.  I’m not exactly having very charitable thoughts right now myself.  How’s the girl doing?”

“She’s in the hospital; the doctors told me she was stable, but that I couldn’t see her tonight. I was planning to go talk to her tomorrow.”

“And the boy...?”

“... is cooling his heels in jail for the night.  I figure a Friday night in lock-up will put the fear of God in him.  Then tomorrow I will introduce him to the fear of Olivia Benson.”

“Then you need to get a little sleep.  Close your eyes.”  Olivia did as Alex bid and the sound of Alex’s lullaby in her ear took her to a place where nightmares didn’t live.

************

Olivia was gone when Alex woke up much later, though the note and flower on her pillow helped mollify her.  Missing you already.  Thank you for being my rock.  Alex smiled at Olivia’s words and slipped from the bed, just as Liv opened the front door.

“Oh... I smell chocolate.”

“Yep, you sure do.  Nita made chocolate croissants this morning and she kept a couple back for me.”

“Kept a cou... wait – you’ve already been to the precinct this morning?”

“Yep.  Got my confession, got croissants, got you – life is good.  So, um… after breakfast, you wanna go to the hospital with me?  Then I thought maybe I could show you the rest of the art I’ve got stored away... see if there is anything you’d like to put in the new place.”

“And after that?”

“I figure we can improvise.”

“Sounds like a plan to me, Detective.  Now feed me.”


Chapter XXIV

Their visit to the hospital was disheartening – the girl refused to talk about what had happened and her mother ordered them from the room.  It was clearly going to be an uphill battle to get anything helpful from her.  The only good thing to come from it was the fact that the victim did respond to Olivia; at least she might recover from what happened to her... eventually.

Their next stop was the jewelers where Olivia had bought their rings.  Olivia introduced Alex to Bartholomew and then stepped away to give them privacy.   She looked around for a few minutes but realized it wouldn't take much for her to get into real trouble in this place and moved to the front of the store that was set up specifically with patiently waiting spouses in mind.

"Something wrong, Ms Benson?  Can I get you some coffee?"

"No thanks, Penny.  I'm fine.  Just waiting for Alex," motioning to the woman who was now deep in conversation with Bartholomew. 

"She's lovely... congratulations."

"Yes, she is... thanks, Penny."

"Replacing me already, Detective?" Alex asked as she stepped over to where Olivia was.  Penny blushed and excused herself.  Liv stood and took Alex's hand, heading out the door with a wave.  They headed down the street until Alex pulled them to a stop.  "Are you avoiding the question, Detective?"

"Not at all, Counselor.  I figured actions would speak louder than words."

Alex stood looking at Olivia for a long moment with her arms crossed over her chest.  Finally, "That was a good answer," she admitted.

"I thought so," Liv said smugly.  Alex pinched the back of Olivia's arm.  "OW!  Careful, Alex – I bruise easily, remember?"

"Yes... I'll be adding to that one later," Alex promised.

Olivia's nostrils flared.  "Let's go."  Alex laughed, forcing Liv to smile.  "You're so lucky I love you."

Alex didn't lose her smile but her eyes grew serious.  "I know, Sweetheart.  I count that as my first blessing everyday."

Nothing needed to be said to that, and they walked on in silence.  When they reached their next stop, Alex reached for the door and motioned Olivia in before her, knowing once Enrique got a look at her finger, it was all going to be over.

He greeted them and gestured Olivia over to his chair.  "Just a trim or highlights today?"

“Enrique, I’m not even scheduled for an appointment today.  Do you have time?”

“Honey, I will always, always have time for you and Alex.  She gave me my start and you brought her home.  That’s reason enough.”

“Whatever you have time for then... thanks, Enrique.”

He waved off her thanks and tilted her back to wash the dark hair.  “So tell me what’s new with you lately.  I haven’t seen either of you since the Hamptons.”  He set the chair upright and combed her hair through before reaching for the scissors.  She motioned Alex over and repeated Enrique’s question, thinking Alex wanted to show her old friend her new ring.

“Well, we got a new place.”

“Oh... do tell,” he commanded as he started trimming.  So Alex gave him a few details.  “And when is the housewarming?  I haven’t seen an invitation,” he added pointedly.  Alex chuckled. 

”We’ve got some work we want to do first.  Don’t worry – you’ll get one when they go out,” Alex added, tucking her hair back over her ear.  And Olivia was thrilled Enrique had to pull his hands away from her head before he could clap them together and squeal.

“Oh. My. GOD!!!  What is this???” he added, snatching Alex hand and bringing it closer to his face to examine it.  “When did this happen???” with an accusing look in Olivia’s direction.  “And when, EXACTLY, were you going to TELL me about this???”

“I think you did pretty well discovering it on your own, Enrique,” Alex muttered wryly, motioning around the salon where everything had come to a complete stop and all eyes were turned in their direction.

Enrique looked around with a big grin.  “They’re engaged,” he announced.  “Now back to work,” waving his hands at them.  He turned back to Alex and opened his arms.  “This is extraordinary, Alexandra.  Congratulations!”  He turned back to Olivia.  “And you too, Detective.  Congratulations to you both.  So when is the big day?”

“You’ll get an invitation, Enrique... I promise.  We just got engaged.  We don’t have a date yet.”

“Let me know and I’ll set the day aside for both of you.  We’ll give you the works treatment to send you to your nuptials in style.”  He looked back at Olivia.   “And speaking of style, let me get back to the work of art I have going here.  I’ll save the highlights for another day, but you make an appointment for them soon, young lady.”  Olivia arched her eyebrow at him, knowing she was almost old enough to be Enrique’s mother.  He just put his hands on hips.  “Don’t give me that look.”

It wasn’t long until they were out the door, headed to see Olivia’s stored art.  “One day I want to hear how you met him to give him his start,” Olivia said as they took seats on the train to Long Island.

Alex turned to look at Olivia.  “What did he tell you?”

Liv shrugged.  “Only that you gave him his start.  You don’t have to tell me now... just some day.” 

“It wasn’t anything big.  I found him when I was in my second year of law school and I loved what he did for my self-confidence.  After he was the victim of a hate crime, I offered to be a silent partner if he decided he wanted to come to the city to set up shop and I sent a few of my friends to him when he did.”  She shrugged.

“I have a feeling there is probably a lot more to that story.  Maybe one day?” Liv asked wistfully.

Alex sighed.  “He was the first person to make me believe I could be beautiful – that I was beautiful... inside and out.  Until then, I really wasn’t sure if people just said it was true or if it was because of who I was.  Enrique didn’t know for the first two years of our friendship who I was except a student and a client.  He didn’t know until I offered to partner with him.”

Olivia closed her hand over Alex’s.  “Alex, you once told me that my birth was nothing to be ashamed of – neither is your birthright.  Nor is the fact that you use it to do good for others.  I’m not saying you need to take out an ad in the Times, but please don’t try to keep that beautiful heart hidden from me.  I love what I see when I look at you... inside and out.  Now, c’mon.  This is our stop.”

Olivia led them off the train, then hailed a cab to take them the short distance to the climate-controlled storage unit she rented.  Then she led Alex inside and waited for her reaction.  She wasn’t disappointed.

Alex walked around slowly, absorbing the atmosphere first.  There were several scents in the enclosed space – oil paint, charcoal, lead pencil... even a hint of cedar and pine.  But above that it smelled like Olivia – spicy, sweet, a hint of musk.  It made Alex smile and her eyes were twinkling when she faced Liv again.  “Show me,” she commanded in a sexy, throaty tone of voice.

And Olivia did – pencil sketches and charcoal drawings; oil paintings and water colors; one or two sculptures she had endeavored to create with varied success.  Everything she had ever attempted or tried, Alex saw.  And the drawings weren’t always of people she knew.  Some of them, Alex was sure, had come from what Olivia had seen sitting on her bench in Central Park.

There were some astounding cityscapes and other landscapes so intriguing Alex wanted to know where Liv had been to have seen them.  Olivia just shrugged.

“Nowhere,” she confessed.  “It’s just something I’d like to exist somewhere.”

They spent hours in the storage unit while Alex went through and examined everything – some of it more than once.

“You have such vision, Sweetheart, and I see your beautiful soul in everything you’ve done... even the gritty stuff,” indicating some of Olivia’s street work.  “I’ll be honest... I’m having a very hard time picking and choosing.  What about you?”

“I already decided to try doing the tile mosaic over the fireplace.  Maybe we should think about it, Alex.  It’s not like we are limited to just using my art, but if that is what you want to do, I’m not gonna tell you no.  We can always come out here again and pick out what we like best,” Liv said practically.  “Why don’t we go back to the new place tomorrow and take a look around?  Maybe if we decide what we want to do there it will make choosing a little easier.”

Alex gently set aside the waterscape she was holding and stalked over to Olivia, pulling their mouths together fiercely and kissing her until they were both dizzy from lack of air.  “You are so considerate, and I love you.”

“Good thing,” Liv said after she caught her breath.  “I’d hate to be getting married to someone who didn’t.”  She paused when something caught her eye.  “Alex, are you completely sure you want to spend the rest of your life with me?  This is gonna be forever.”

“Oh no, Detective – there are no doubts in my mind, and forever is only the beginning for us.  You’re not getting rid of me that easily.  What happened?  Where is this coming from all of a sudden??”

Liv motioned around the room.  “I just feel....”

“Feel what, Love?”

Olivia sighed.  “I dunno – exposed... raw – like you can see so openly into the depths of my soul here and parts of it are dark and ugly, Alex.  I had forgotten about some of these drawings, and they just put it right out there.”  She sighed heavily.  “I didn’t expect to feel like this, but I do.”

Alex cradled Olivia’s face in her hands and held the brown-eyed gaze with her blue.  “I can see into your soul, Liv, but not just here in your work.  I see it every single day in your eyes and your voice and your touch.  And what I see is amazing.  I meant what I said earlier – you have a very beautiful soul... even the parts that have endured so much darkness.  Especially the darkest parts because you have used them to forge the compassion and strength that you give to others.”

“Sorry,” Liv whispered.  “I know better.  I’m not sure where that came from exactly.”

“Don’t be,” Alex reassured.  “It happens; we’ll work on it.  I’ve been there before and probably will be again and you’ll be there for me.  That is one of the nicest things about being part of a couple.”

“Yeah, I’m enjoying it a lot more than I imagined possible.  I never thought of myself as being someone who could invest in and be part of a real relationship.  Thank you for changing my mind.”  She took Alex’s hand in hers and they headed out of the storage facility.  “Oh and by the way... I love you too.”

Alex smiled.  “Let’s go home and work on our plans for our future.”

************

The next three weeks passed swiftly, and though things at the one-six weren't exceptionally busy, there was always work to be done.  Even things in the DA’s office settled down a little for Alex as the interns became more comfortable in their roles as prosecutors.  Rivera’s surprise call on Alex was set aside as one of the odder occurrences they had heard of and even Robert and his cronies slipped from the front of their radar since no one on either side of the law seemed to be able to find them.    

Instead every free minute Alex and Olivia had was spent at the new apartment turning it into their home.   By mutual agreement, Alex had hired painters to come in the first week and paint the entire penthouse in a light shade of gray.  Everything else they would do themselves.

Their first free weekend, their bedroom was finished and christened.  They had chosen to accent it in shades of blue because it enhanced the art Alex had chosen from Olivia’s work.  She was still in awe of all she had seen in the storage unit Olivia kept her work in.  She wanted so badly to share that amazing part of her lover with the world, but she respected Liv’s need to keep that part of her private.  Alex felt privileged she alone knew Olivia’s secret passion – over and above Alex herself.  Of course, she was never going to look at a storage unit the same way again either.

The en suite had been done in the same soothing blues they had used in the bedroom because they both found them so comforting and restful.  In this room, Alex had asked Olivia to create a tile mosaic similar to the one they had planned for over the fireplace in the living room.  The one in the master bath was a rip curl with two dolphins jumping out in front of it.  The fireplace wall was a personalized replica of a Native American mandala that showed the four basic elements in nature.  Both projects were going to take longer than they hoped, but at least now they had been drawn out both on the wall and on paper – it was simply a matter of having the time to complete them.   They would work on them together once the rest of the apartment was ready and they were moved in.

The second weekend they worked on the second bedroom – papering parts of this one in green – and the dining area that got accents of burgundy.  Alex had hung several of Liv's pencil sketches in the bedroom and an oil landscape in the dining room and suddenly what had been 'the new apartment' was becoming more like home.

Olivia hadn’t told the guys about the new place yet but her whole demeanor had shifted.  They would have put it down to being newly engaged, but although she came back from the weekend more tired than she left, there was no physical evidence to support that theory, and they had already witnessed Alex’s fondness for physical evidence.  So their curiosity was growing by leaps and bounds and they decided to take action to satisfy it.

“We could just ask,” Fin pointed out as they waited outside Liv’s apartment in the pre-dawn darkness the next Saturday morning.

Elliot smirked.  “Yeah, we could, but where’s the fun in that?  Besides, Liv knows how to keep a secret.”

“I feel fairly confident that if Olivia discovers us, her actions will give credence to the theory that women are actually stronger and more vicious than men.”

“Munch, that’s not a theory... that’s a fact,” Stabler said with a chuckle.  “I lived with a houseful of them – I know.  They just let us think we’re in charge.”

“Hey!” Fin said, jerking his chin in the direction of the apartment.  “Here they come.”  They watched the women climb into the back of the limousine, then pulled into traffic behind it.

“They’re following, ma’am,” Jax announced with his eyes on the rearview mirror.  Olivia smirked.

“Well, they lasted a week more than I expected.  Too bad their curiosity isn’t gonna be satisfied any time in the near future.”

Alex smiled.  “You’re just lucky Mother asked us over for breakfast this morning so you can lead them around for a while.”

“They’re just lucky your mother asked us to breakfast or we’d have stayed in bed all morning.”

Alex’s nostrils flared.  “It’s not nice to tease, Detective.”

“Who’s teasing, Counselor?  They could have just asked.”

Alex rolled the partition up between them and Jax, not missing the twinkle in his eyes before they disappeared.  “I’m not talking about teasing them.”

Olivia grinned rakishly.  “Oh... feeling a little horny this morning, are we, Alexandra?”  Then she found herself on the bottom of a very small pile.

“You wouldn’t think so after last night, would you?” Alex asked conversationally as her hands started tracing a teasing path up Olivia’s body, watching the goosebumps trail in her wake.  “But let me assure you that if spontaneous human combustion was possible, you’d already be picking up pieces of me scattered all over my mother’s limousine.  How did you know they’d be out there this morning anyway?” shifting the dialogue and letting her hand sneak under the soft cotton of Liv’s t-shirt.  Her fingers found an already erect nipple and proceeded to torment it and its twin while Olivia struggled to keep her mind on their discussion without losing herself to sensations she was suddenly anxious to give herself over to.

“Who?” she finally asked incoherently, losing her focus on anything other than Alex’s touch.

“The guys.  How did you know they’d be waiting for us this morning?” stroking the smooth skin of Olivia’s belly.  Liv reached up and pulled Alex’s head down until their lips were a hairsbreadth apart.

“Do we really care why they were there or how I knew they would be?” Olivia growled.

“Oh yes, Detective,” Alex said, keeping her lips just out of reach by sheer will.  “We do.  Besides, I’m going to play with you all day long so you remember never to tease me this early in the morning when you know it is going to be a while before we can do anything about it.”

“You are a very evil woman, Counselor.”

“Thank you, Detective.  They have a course on it in law school, you know.”

Liv’s eyebrows popped into her hairline so high, Alex held her breath waiting for them to fly right off.  “They have a course on how to torment your girlfriend into insanity by keeping her sexually frustrated all day?!?  What sort of S&M law school did you go to??”

Alex laughed and Olivia took advantage of her inattention to pull Alex down into her body.  They both moaned at the sensation and Alex submitted to Olivia’s needy kiss.  “I promise to make the wait worthwhile, Sweetheart.”

“I’m gonna hold you to that, Alex.”

“You do that, Detective.  Now tell me why it took the guys three weeks to decide to be nosy and how you knew they would resort to following us.”

“I think they were hoping I’d just spill my guts – though after seven years of working together, you’d think they’d know better by now.  Barring that, they know the only way they will find anything out is to ask – which may or may not get them an answer – or do a little detective work.  I was surprised they didn’t try to follow us last weekend.”

“You think they’ll try again tomorrow once they figure out we’re going to my mother’s this morning?” as they got closer to the house in the Hamptons.

“Maybe... although if they figure out that we have movers at her place, we’ll never ditch them.”

“Look at it this way, Sweetheart... if we can’t ditch them, we’ll put them to work.”

Liv laughed and Jax stopped the car to open the gate to the house.  Then they disappeared up the driveway and Fin pulled up a short distance away.

“You think she is leading us on a wild goose chase?”

“I dunno, but I don’t think so – this is Elizabeth Cabot’s house.” The other two turned to look at Munch.  “What?  She and I have been talking about wedding arrangements and she has a bit of private beach at the back of her estate here she was kind enough to show me.”

“And we’re just hearing about this now... why?”

“Because everything is still very tentative.  That may be why they are here – so Elizabeth can get some concrete commitment out of them.  June isn’t that far away.”

“So are we hanging?”

“I think so,” Elliot said.  “At least for a little while.  There’s more going on than them visiting with Alex’s mom and I really wanna know what it is.”  So they sat back to wait even as Elizabeth was welcoming Olivia and Alex into her home.

“Come in, you two.  I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever,” greeting them both with a hug and a kiss and waving them towards the kitchen.  “I have the movers coming at nine; I thought that would give us a little time to catch up and give you a chance to make sure you’ve chosen everything you’re sure you want to take.”

“I’m sure, Mother.  Just the piano and the desk.  Liv and I are going shopping tomorrow to pick out new living room, dining and bedroom furniture together.  We’re keeping the leather couch for our office and other than that, we’re pretty well set.  The movers are coming to the apartment next weekend to pack up and move our books and clothes and personal stuff.”

“So the move is officially next weekend then?”

“Yes, but please give us a week or two to settle in before trying to give us a surprise housewarming.  We’ve still got a few things we would like to do first before inviting people over.”

Elizabeth wrinkled her nose in Alex’s direction.  “You spoil all my fun, you know.”

“Yes, but you love me anyway.”

“Yes, I do.”  Elizabeth picked up her fork and motioned them to start eating.  “Now have either of you given a moment’s thought to your wedding or would you like to hear what John and I have come up with for you?  Don’t look at me like that... either one of you.  I know if I wait for the two of you to actually get moving on this, you’ll both be old enough for grandchildren before anything actually happens.”

“You don’t think you’re rushing a little bit, Mother?”

“No, I really don’t.  I think six years is a sufficient courtship period, even if it wasn’t in any way a traditional one.  If either of you had been honest about your feelings before you’d have done this years ago.  But if you really think I am rushing, tell me now.”

Silence while Alex and Olivia looked at one another. Then Liv shrugged slightly and Alex nodded once and they turned back to Elizabeth.  “All right, Mother... spill it.”

************

“A moving truck?  Why would a moving truck be coming from Elizabeth Cabot’s house?  Liv doesn’t have room in her apartment for anything else.”

“Maybe they got a new place... ya know, something bigger for them together.”

“Sonovabitch!  Of course – I’ll bet they’ve been moving a little at a time and that’s what’s kept Liv so busy the last couple weekends.  But why didn’t she just ask us for help if they were moving??  We could have gotten it all done at once.”

“So they could invite us over for an unveiling when everything was where it belonged?  Women are weird like that sometimes – they want everything ‘just so’.  I had an ex-wife that wouldn’t let me in the house until everything was in its place.  It was a real pain when she decided to do spring cleaning and rearranging.  I spent several nights in a hotel because of that.”

“I doubt that was the only reason,” Fin snarked.  “So are we following or...?”

“Nah... let’s let them have their fun and invite us when they’re ready.  I got better things to do today.”

“Gotcha.”

“Ms Benson, we lost our tail.”

“Thanks, Jax.  I guess the moving truck made them decide they really didn’t want to get involved,” snickering. She turned to Alex.  “Wonder how long they’ll hold out Monday morning before they start asking questions.”

“I don’t know.  Are we going to start working on the mosaics today?”

“I think so.  The tile has been delivered.  If we lay it out on the floor the way it needs to go on the wall, it should make it easier for us to put it up.  I think we should probably do that in the second bedroom – we don’t have a lot of furniture going in there so we should be able to spread out.  We’ll have to walk a little farther, but there’s also less chance it will be disturbed.”

“Should we do one at a time?”

Olivia shrugged.  “Let’s see what we have for room and work from there.”

The movers brought the desk in first and Olivia started laying out the tile pieces for the mandala while Alex supervised the moving and placement of her piano.  By the end of the day, the mandala was partially completed on the wall, the piano was in its place and an exhausted detective and counselor were very pleased with their progress.

“And tomorrow, we’ll go pick out furniture that hopefully can be delivered this week.  I can take the day off if it can.”

“So can I.  Have I told you how excited I am about all this?”

“No,” Alex replied with a smile, “but I can tell.  So am I.  I have a new song to play for you on our first night in our new place.”

“And now you’re going to make me wait to hear it??  Talk about teasing....”

“It’s only another week, Detective.  It’ll be worth the wait, I promise.”

“Yeah, I’m hearing a lot of promises, but I’m not seeing much delivery here.  And honestly, if we weren’t both about to drop from exhaustion, I’d do something about that.”

“So would I,” Alex agreed with a yawn.  “Give me a few hours.”  But Olivia was already asleep.  “Oh, that’ll be good for some teasing later,” Alex mumbled before following Olivia into sleep.


Chapter XXV

“Hi, Alex... um, where’s Olivia?” Janet asked, looking around her otherwise empty waiting area.  “Surely she’s not quitting after only five sessions.”

“No,” Alex stated emphatically.  “But she’s caught up on a case and I told her I’d be all right on my own tonight until she could get here.”

“So she is coming?”

“She’s going to try.  Why is it so important to you that she’s here?  I thought the sessions were for me.”

Janet motioned Alex into her office and offered her a bottle of water before gesturing her to a seat.  “It is about you, Alex.  But you are her primary concern, and you admitted you’re more comfortable when she is with you.  I don’t want you not to be able to open up and talk because you’re uncomfortable alone with me.  You’ve been making wonderful progress so far.”

“And yet, less and less I am sure who I am anymore or who I’m supposed to be.”  Alex sighed deeply.  “Maybe it’s a good thing Liv isn’t here, actually.  I’m not sure how to share this with her.”

Janet frowned.  “Talk to me, Alex.  What happened?”

“Are you going to tell me I’m an idiot if I tell you I’ve started having bad dreams?”

“No... tell me about them.  Maybe it will help us figure out the other.”

Alex got up and walked to the window behind Janet’s desk, pacing back and forth in front of it.  “Janet, I should be happy... ecstatic even.  I’m in love with the most incredible woman who loves me back; I have a job that, while it isn’t my dream job, is fulfilling enough and it is a step towards a much better position; we’re moving into a brand-new apartment tomorrow; and we’ve even picked a date for our wedding.  So why am I now starting to have bad dreams?  I feel so selfish.”

“Alex, take a deep breath and come sit down and tell me about your dreams.  Are they something that has happened?  Or something that you’re afraid will?”  Janet took Alex’s hand and led her over to the couch.  “C’mon, Alex.  There’s no one here but you and me, and I’m just here to help.  Let me.”

“Maybe it’s because for so long everything felt so wrong and now so much is going right for me that I’m waiting for something bad to happen to take it all away again.”  Alex sighed deeply.  “In my dream I’m back in New York, but Olivia’s not part of my life.  I’m engaged to Robert, but I’m screwing around with Jim Steele.  My mother is dead; I don’t have any friends.  My detectives from the one-six aren’t my detectives anymore; they don’t even acknowledge I’m alive.  And Olivia... Olivia doesn’t call me or take my calls.  She goes out of her way to avoid me completely.  It hurts so much.”

“When did these dreams start?”

“Honestly, I was having them before I came back... like my subconscious was working through all the possibilities I might have to face.  They petered out after Olivia confronted me in my office.”  Janet nodded her understanding.  “But they started up again even more intensely after my talk with Rivera last week.  Now it feels like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop.”

Janet sat quietly for a long time digesting Alex’s words.  Her voice, when it came, was unexpected and so was her question.  “How are things with Olivia?”

“Amazing,” came the answer without hesitation.  “She’s the one sure thing in my life.  I think that is why the dream bothers me so badly – she’s not there at all except when I see her back walking away from me.”

“Okay... how do you feel about making a commitment to her?”

“Janet, I had the papers drawn up to make things legal between us the minute I knew I was returning home... even before I was sure I still had a chance with her.”

“What about the apartment... and the wedding?  Do you think it’s a case of too much, too soon?  I mean in spite of the fact that you’ve known and loved one another for a number of years, the truth of the matter is you and Olivia have only been a couple for a few months.  Maybe subconsciously you feel you’re being pushed into something you really aren’t all that certain about.”

“Like I was into my job?”

“What about your job?”

“I don’t know – it’s the next logical step in my original career path, but the reason I was given that position no longer exists.  And some days, more often than not lately, I question why I’m really there... a lot.  I’m not convinced I’m cut out to be a lawyer anymore.  Of course, some days I’m not sure I’m cut out to be much of anything anymore.”  Alex ran her hands through her hair.  Janet leaned forward and clasped her hands together.

“Well, as I see it, there are three separate issues we need to deal with here.”

“Three?”

Janet nodded.  “The first is your dream.  I’m a firm believer in dreams, Alex, and I think your subconscious is trying to tell you something.  Now whether that something is to count your blessings or be aware of the danger around you or something left over from your days in witness protection, I don’t know yet.  But I think we need to figure it out and put your mind at rest.  Otherwise it will eat at you until it makes you certifiable.”

“I feel like I’m there already.”

Janet laughed.  “No... trust me.  I’ve seen certifiable.  You don’t even qualify for a chair in the waiting room yet.”

Alex smiled wryly.  “Thanks... I think.”

“Okay, your second issue seems to be with your job.  This is where your identity crisis seems to be coming from.”  A beat.  “When you were in witness protection, what did you do... for a living, I mean.  What was your profession?”

“I was an insurance adjuster at my first placement.”

“And how did you like it?”

“I cordially hated it and I was completely unsuited for it as well.”

“How so?”

“It was tedious... monotonous and boring, and I couldn’t help comparing it to my job here.  I wasn’t even really helping anyone.”

“Did that bother you?”

“Enough that I asked Hammond to move me.”

“And when he didn’t, did you contemplate suicide?”

“NO!” vehemently and immediate.  “But I did consider leaving the program and coming home on my own.”

“But you didn’t.”

“No – shortly after that I was brought back for the Connors’ trial.”

“And when it was over, you left again... why?”

“Hammond promised me I could work with the DEA to bring Velez to justice so I could return home safely.”

Janet paused a moment, then asked, “Alex, if you had stayed in New York after Connors’ trial, or if you had returned home of your own volition, what would you have done?”  A look of confusion flashed across Alex’s face and Janet hastened to explain.  “You obviously couldn’t have gone back to the DA’s office to be a prosecutor or a bureau chief – so what would you have done had you not come home the way you did under the circumstances imposed on you by the DEA?”

“I don’t know,” Alex replied slowly and honestly.  “I didn’t actually think about it beyond simply getting home, and when the DEA and the DA’s office set up the bureau chief’s job for me, I took it as a matter of course.”

“All right.  Then I want you to do something for me – actually, I want you to do something for you.”

“If I can.”

“You can.  I want you to take a leave of absence from the DA’s office.  You need to take some ‘Alex time’ and figure out who you want to be and what you want to do with your life.  Take Olivia with you if you want to leave the city, but you’ve got to do this for your sake.”

Alex nodded slowly.  “And the third?”

“Talk to Olivia, Alex.  Everything you’ve said to me and everything she’s done have proven repeatedly that you belong together... that what you’re doing is good and right and best for both of you.  She’s not going to think you’re a nut job.  And I’d be willing to bet she’s been worried about you even if she’s not exactly sure why.  She deserves that much from you.”

“She deserves much more, Janet, but it’s a good start.”

“What’s a good start?”  Two heads turned in the direction of the door and Olivia stepped in.  “Hi, Baby... hi, Doc... sorry I’m so late.”

“Did you get the bad guy, Detective?”

“Actually, yes we did.  So what did I miss?”

“Quite a bit,” Alex confessed but didn’t say anything else. Liv looked between Janet and Alex, waiting for one of them to elaborate.  Finally Janet turned to Alex.

“Would you prefer to talk to Olivia alone, Alex?  I’m not going to tell her, but she deserves to know, remember?”

“Deserves to know what?” Olivia slipped from her spot on the couch beside Alex and fell to her knees in front of her, clutching at Alex’s hands with almost painful desperation.  “Alex, you’re scaring me... talk to me, Baby.  What’s wrong?”

So Alex told Olivia everything she and Janet had discussed in plain, unvarnished terms.  She felt the relief sweep through Liv’s frame as a palpable reaction to her words.  Olivia put her head down on Alex’s knees and just breathed in for a few minutes after Alex was done.  Alex pulled one of her hands free and cupped the back of Liv’s head, stroking through the messy dark hair.  Finally, Liv looked up, dark eyes holding a hint of tears she refused to let fall.

“Don’t you ever scare me like that again!  God, do you know what was going through my mind??”

“Nothing good I’m sure.”

Olivia blew her bangs back and sort of collapsed Indian style at Alex’s feet.  “Well, for what it’s worth,” she said shakily after a moment, “I agree with Janet about the job situation.  Take the time now you should have taken before and didn’t.  The important thing now is for you to find what makes you happy.  I’m not sure I understand enough about the importance of dreams to comment on the other, but if it puts your mind at rest, then I’m all for it.”

“Well, I have to say I’m extremely pleased with our progress so far,” Janet added.  “The most important thing now is your job.  I think the intensity of the dreams will ease up as well as most of the stress you appear to be under once you take care of that, Alex.  The rest will be easier to deal with if there’s less stress in your life.”

“Listen to her, Sweetheart... she’s making sense.”

Janet laughed.  “All right... you two get out of here and go have some fun tonight.”

“Do we have plans for fun tonight?  I thought girls night out was tomorrow night.”

“It is, but the guys are waiting at Finnegan’s again if you feel up to joining them for drinks and dinner.  I think Kathy was gonna stop by and Casey’ll be there too.”  Alex nodded her agreement.

“Go on then, you two – get outta here.  I’ll see you next week.”

“Thanks, Doc.  I’ll try to make it on time,” Liv said with a smile as they left Janet’s office.  The doctor just waved at them and straightened up her desk to leave for the weekend.  It had been a productive session and she felt good about Alex’s breakthrough.  But now it was time to go home and spend some quality time with her family.

************

“Oh my God... you have got to be kidding me.  Tell me I’m seeing things,” Alex said dryly as they approached the door to Finnegan’s.  They had gotten out of the cab at the side of the building and Olivia’s concern was focused on getting them safely through the Friday night crowd to actually get into the bar.  She looked up at Alex’s face.

“Huh?”  She followed the motion of Alex’s hand, looking in the window and noting the detectives of the one-six already gathered around one of the bigger tables.  Then she realized what Alex was motioning to and she had the grace to look sheepish while she scratched the back of her neck self-consciously.  “Oh, that... sorry.  I forgot about that, though I’m surprised you haven’t heard the rumors floating around Hogan Place; although until now, I didn’t know how much credence to give them.”

“Would you like to fill me in really quickly before they see us so I don’t look like an idiot?”

“Jealous much?”

“That’s not fair, Olivia Benson, and you should know better.”  The silence was uncomfortable and felt like it lasted much longer than it actually did.  Alex started to walk away and Liv grabbed her hand to stop her.

“You’re right, Alex – I’m sorry.  It still makes me crazy when I think about him – it always made me crazy knowing he was with you when I wanted you to be with me.”

Alex chuckled.  “Sweetheart, he learned very quickly there was no room for him in my bed as long as you were in my life.  I think he was actually a little jealous of me.”  The disbelieving look Olivia was giving her caused Alex to continue.  “Liv... nothing is more fascinating to a man than a woman he has no chance with.  The fact that you completely disdained him and snubbed him unmercifully just made you that much more intriguing for him.”

“There’s something twisted about that.”

“He’s a defense lawyer... what did you expect?”

That got Alex the smile she was looking for.  “Good point,” Liv agreed.  “So are we okay?”

“We are better than okay.  It’s a little flattering that you still get jealous over something that happened years ago, but let me assure you, Detective – for the record – that you have no reason to be jealous of anyone.  No one will ever take your place and I won’t give you a reason to think otherwise.  Now, would you like to tell me why Trevor Langan is hanging out with the detectives from the one-six?  I can’t believe there is any love lost there.”

Elliot had noticed them by the window, but a hand motion from Olivia kept him from wandering out to check on them.  Instead,he made an effort to keep the conversational ball rolling so no one else’s attention was caught by the two women.  He figured they’d be in as soon as Olivia explained Trevor’s presence to Alex.

“I’d have to say he’s here with Casey, though why she brought him here with the guys....  Anyway, they kinda, sorta hooked up at your welcome home party and have been on again, off again since then from what I can tell.”

“So I’m hearing about this for the first time...?”

“Probably because it is off more than it is on and you’ve had plenty on your own plate to deal with without listening to all the gossip making its rounds in the courthouse and DA’s office.”  She motioned towards the door and they headed inside to thread their way through the tables towards the back where the guys were waiting for them.

Alex nodded.  “That’s the truth,” she said, turning back so her raised voice carried in Olivia’s direction.  “So from now on you’re in charge of gossip collection and distribution so I can be aware of what is going on around me.”  That made them both chuckle and they arrived at the table laughing.

“Share the joke,” Elliot commanded as they took their seats and motioned the harassed looking waitress over.

“Please,” Trevor begged. Clearly the detectives had made him uncomfortable about remaining with them and Olivia had to wonder why it was so important that he stay.

Alex look at Liv who just smiled and shrugged, sitting back and letting Alex take the stage while she was more than comfortable to simply watch after giving their order to the waitress.

“Oh, I just made Olivia my official gossip monger.  Otherwise I miss out on everything interesting.  The only thing that comes through my office anymore is whining.  My interns have made me so glad I do not have kids of my own.”  She turned to Elliot and Kathy.  “I don’t know how you’ve done it with four.  These kids are all going to end up as defense attorneys and it’s not going to be my fault!”

That broke the ice around the table and everyone laughed.  Then Munch picked up the ball and got the men involved in discussing his latest conspiracy theory on key government figures being replaced by alien pod people.  The women exchanged looks and Casey touched Alex’s arm.

“Thank you,” she said softly.  “You didn’t have to do that, but I certainly do appreciate it.  When I saw him sitting at the bar alone....  I guess Olivia told you about him and me sort of dating.”

“Just now.  He’s the enemy, Casey... nothing will ever change that as far as your detectives are concerned.  But maybe he can be a decent enough sort if you can get past his being a slimy defense attorney you might have to face in court.”

“Yeah, that has been the hard part... but we’re trying.  Most of the time I’m not sure why.”

“Hot monkey sex?”

“OLIVIA!!!”  All three women looked at her in shock.  She shrugged.

“What?!?  I’m just saying....”

“You don’t think I’m nuts, Liv?”

Olivia covered Casey’s hand.  “Not my place to say, Casey.  If you’re happy, why not enjoy being nuts for a while?”

“Well, I don’t care what the guys or Olivia think,” Kathy said, leaning forward deliberately and keeping her voice low.  “He’s hot and it doesn’t hurt that somewhere along the way he had a mama who put some manners into him.”  She covered her eyes.  “I can’t tell you the kind of time I’ve had trying to teach Dickie.  It’s better with his dad around more, but still....”

“You should teach him to dance,” Alex said and Olivia bit her lips to keep from laughing out loud at what she knew Elliot’s reaction would be to that idea.  “It makes a nice balance to the other rough and tumble boy things I’m sure he does.”

“It would also get the crap beaten out of him at school.  For now, I’ll settle for manners.”

About that time, their waitress brought their myriad of orders and they settled down to awkward silence to eat.  Trevor stood up – “If you’ll excuse me, I think I see someone I know at the bar.  I’d say it’s been fun, but... Casey, maybe I’ll call you later.”  He took his plate and moved back to the bar.

“Well, that was interesting.”

“I really don’t like that guy.  Casey, you could do so much better than him.”

“Elliot, leave the woman alone.  Just because we don’t like him doesn’t mean he can’t make Casey happy.  Of course, I would be a much better choice, but....” Munch trailed off with a shrug.

“Can we not talk about this right now?  I know you guys don’t like Trevor; I’m not sure if I do, all right?  I’m sorry I invited him over; it was a mistake.  Now change the subject.”

Discussion foundered after that and they ate in discomfited silence.  Elliot reached over and covered Casey’s hand.  “I’m sorry, Casey.  I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

“I know Elliot, and I know you tried.  I appreciate the effort... and the honesty.  In a weird way, it’s nice to know you guys care so much.  I’m sorry I made things awkward tonight.”  She turned to Alex and Olivia.  “We still on for girls’ night out tomorrow?”

“Yes.” 

Casey nodded and stood.  “I’ll see you three tomorrow then.  Goodnight, guys.”

“We’ll walk out with you,” Olivia volunteered as she and Alex rose as well.  “We’ve got an early start tomorrow.”

Munch looked at Elliot.  “That’s what we should have talked about – the new Cabot-Benson digs.”  He turned and looked over his glasses at them.  “Of course you realize we expect a tour soon.”

“I promise, John... as soon as we’re settled.  We’ll host an open-house.” 

“We’ll look forward to it, Alexandra,” kissing her hand while Olivia glowered at him.  “Would you ladies like an escort?”

“Munch, sit your skinny ass down before Benson punts it into next week.”  Munch smiled and shrugged.

“I had to try so Casey can see my true worth,” and everyone relaxed and drew a sigh of relief as things shifted back into a more natural pattern.

The three women stepped out into the cool night and Olivia stopped Casey with a hand on her arm.  “Are you okay getting home alone?”

She started to answer, but before Casey could open her mouth to speak, an unexpected and unwanted voice broke in.

“Alexandra?”

“Robert?  What do you want?  What are you doing here?”

“I’m sorry, Alex.  I just need a minute of your time.”

Olivia took Alex’s outstretched hand and pulled her away from Robert, doing her best to stay between them.  She pushed Casey and Alex towards the door, pulling out her gun and indicating her desire with a single nod of her head.  Casey went inside to fetch the three remaining detectives while Alex stood in the doorway - close to Olivia but where Liv knew she was safe.

“Robert Claiborne,” pointing the muzzle at him steadily.  “You’re under arrest....”  Then she spotted the dark vehicle speeding towards them and time slowed to an infinitesimal crawl.  “ALEX!!!!  Get down!!”  Shots rang out and Olivia reached out to knock Robert to the ground.  By the time Casey and the detectives from the one-six made it out the door, the vehicle was careening wildly out of control.

“What the hell?”

Munch and Fin ran towards the overturned vehicle while Elliot and Alex rushed towards Olivia.  “Hey, Liv... what happened here?  Casey just....”  He turned back to Casey.  “Officer down!  Officer down!!  Get me a bus and whatever officers are in the vicinity for crowd control!” 

“Oh God, Liv!  No!! NO!!!”  Alex dropped to her knees and pressed her hands of the bleeding wound on Olivia’s belly.  “You hang on, Sweetheart.  You can’t die on me, do you understand?  Hang on, baby... hang on for me now.  You can’t leave me here alone, Olivia Benson!  I’ll follow you – I swear it.”

Elliot was torn – wanting to be by Olivia’s side but needing to take charge of the scene.  He looked back down at Claiborne.  “Don’t you fucking move....”  He noticed blood seeping from Robert’s shoulder.  “Kathy, can you...?”  She moved to put pressure on it.  Without being asked, Trevor and Casey started working crowd control.

Elliot knelt down beside Alex and put his hand over hers.  “Damn it, Liv!!  What the hell were you thinking?  You hold on, you got that?”  Three black and whites pulled up and the officers piled out to render assistance.  Then the ambulance arrived and everything became controlled chaos.


Chapter XXVI

It was a nightmare he’d already lived through once, Elliot thought ironically as he looked around the hospital waiting room.  Only the players had shifted and there were a lot more of them this time.  Munch and Fin stood in the near corner, having just arrived from the scene after briefing Briscoe and Green on the facts they had so far.  Langan and Casey sat nearby; he had brought coffee for everyone and simply stayed and this time no one questioned his presence – they had far more important concerns to worry about.  Serena sat next to Casey, having been notified as soon as Casey could make the call and Elizabeth sat between Serena and Kathy.

On Elliot’s other side was Don Cragen and next to him sat a pensive Liz Donnelly.  He was half-expecting Arthur Branch to walk in and in point of fact hoped he would if only on the off chance it might garner some reaction from Alex.

After her initial outburst at the scene, Alex had lapsed into stoic silence, hiding behind the mask he recognized all too well.  She had kept pressure on the wound until the paramedics took over and then she had calmly followed them into the ambulance.  One of the paramedics made a move to stop her when she flashed him her badge and a look.  His partner nodded and Alex climbed in the back for the ride to the hospital.  They had stopped her at the door to the trauma unit and Alex hadn’t moved from the spot she had claimed that allowed her a view of the room Olivia was in.

Elliot had tried to get her to sit down; Elizabeth had spoken to her; both Serena and Liz and made an effort to talk to her – only to be patently ignored as Alex’s entire focus remained on what was happening to Olivia in the treatment room.  Though they all knew Olivia’s condition was grave, Alex was the only one who knew how dire it truly was.  She had been in the ambulance when Liv coded.

“’Lex?” the raspy voice a bare whisper.

Alex smiled sadly hearing the strange derivative of her name as pain-filled brown eyes met hers.  She rubbed the inside of her wrist along Olivia’s face, unwilling to touch her with her bloodstained hands.  Alex eased Liv’s hair back away from her face gently and leaned down to kiss her forehead.  “Hello, Beautiful... it’s nice to see your eyes again.  How do you feel?”

“Col’... so cold.”

“You hang on – we’ll be at the hospital in a minute and they’ll get you warmed up.  All right?”

“Love... ‘Lex.”  Then her eyes had closed again and the machines she’d been attached to started wailing.  Alex had wanted to scream but instead had pushed herself back into a wall to give the paramedic room to work and after a very long minute, the machines started beeping and blinking in a somewhat normal rhythm again.  Then they had pulled into the emergency room and Alex had taken up her post just outside the trauma room, watching.  She’d never realized how much it sucked to be on this side of the doors – waiting, hoping, praying.

Then the doctor stepped from the confines of the room and she stopped him with a still bloodied hand on his arm.  “Doctor, how is she?”

He looked down into her eyes and knew the answer to his question before he asked, but asking it anyway because he was required to do so.  “Are you family?”

“She is my fiancée.”  He hesitated only a heartbeat, but it was long enough and Alex’s eyes hardened and she asked coldly, “Is that going to be a problem?”

The doctor sighed.  It could be – he wasn’t obliged to recognize their relationship and in fact was more than a little put off by the whole idea.  On the other hand, bigotry did not make him all stupid, and he knew who the woman in front of him was and the weight she and her family carried in the city.

“No, Ms Cabot – it won’t be a problem.”

“See that it isn’t,” she stated unequivocally.  “Now tell me....”

“It was touch and go for a little while – still is actually.  She lost a lot of blood, Ms Cabot and I won’t lie to you... the odds are not in her favor right now.  If she makes it through the night, then I can offer you some hope, but the next twelve to twenty-four hours are critical for her.”

“May I go sit with her?”

“You’re really not....”  Blue eyes flamed and the doctor backtracked a little.  “It’s hospital policy, Ms Cabot, but I think I can arrange a few minutes for you.”  He motioned to a nurse.  “Can you help Ms Cabot get cleaned up a little and then take her in to the officer’s room?  I’m going to....”

“Olivia,” Alex broke in firmly. “The detective’s name is Olivia Benson.”

The doctor nodded his understanding, trying not to say anything else that might set Alex off.  “Please take Ms Cabot to Detective Benson’s room.  I need to go speak to the rest of the group that is waiting for a report on her condition.”

The nurse nodded – obviously the bloody blonde woman had some sort of hold on Dr. Timmons.  He didn’t show anyone the deference and courtesy she was receiving.  She put it aside and led Alex into the trauma room Olivia was currently assigned to, escorting her to the large sink in the corner first.  When she realized Alex never moved her eyes from Olivia’s form, she quickly washed the blood off her arms and dried them.  Then she guided Alex to Liv’s bedside and eased her onto the stool she’d pulled close by.  Alex sat and curled a hand around one of Olivia’s limp ones, willing her to respond.  Before she left the room, the nurse turned and looked back at the two women.  Alex had laid her head down next to Liv’s and was quietly whispering in her ear.  Olivia remained unmoving, although the monitors registered slight changes in both pulse and respiration.

Elliot had seen the doctor walk out of the trauma room and stood to his feet, causing a ripple effect around the room.  He held up his hand, ensuring no one moved and they waited until the doctor finished his discussion with Alex before they clustered together to hear what he had to say.

“You’re here about Detective Benson?” Elliot’s eyebrow rose til they almost reached his receding hairline.  He wondered what Alex had said to get the cooperation it normally took the flash of several badges to accomplish.

“Yeah... how is she, Doc?”

“As I told Ms Cabot, we’re going to have to keep a very close eye on the detective for the next few hours.  She’s in very critical condition, but if she survives the night, I believe she’ll make it.”

There was a collective gasp and Elliot felt three distinctive hands clutching his arms.  He cleared his throat.  “Um... can I see her?” knowing the rest would understand why he asked for himself.  The doctor shook his head. 

“I’m sorry... Ms Cabot is in with her and I can’t allow anyone else in there. Technically, Ms Cabot shouldn’t be in there either, but she is a difficult woman to say no to.”  Smiles all around met his words and Dr. Timmons allowed himself a brief smile as well.  “It is possible that Ms Cabot’s presence could be beneficial to the detective if they are as close as she led me to believe.”

Everyone stiffened and braced for Elliot’s outburst, but it was Elizabeth that stepped forward to address the doctor with not a little fire in her eyes and voice.  “They are engaged to be married, Doctor.  Is that going to be an issue for you?”

Dr. Timmons recognized the blue eyes facing him as the same ones he had just faced in Alex Cabot and shook his head.  “No, Mrs. Cabot.  It’s just not common,” he ground out.  “I’ll make a note in Ms Benson’s chart that Ms Cabot is to be treated like a spouse,” he offered grudgingly. 

“You do that, Doctor,” Elizabeth instructed sweetly, though everyone in the room could hear the steel behind her words.

“I’m going to send Ms Cabot out so we can continue Ms Benson’s treatment.  There is nothing more any of you can do here tonight, so I’d like to suggest that all of you go home and get some rest.  If anything changes, we’ll notify the next of kin,” he looked at the chart he held.  “I have an Elliot Stabler listed,” watching him nod his head.  “Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to check on Ms Benson.”

Dr. Timmons gave them all a brisk nod, then turned on his heel and left the way he came, silently fuming about the unfairness of being forced to treat degenerates, no matter what kind of hero they were made out to be.  Maybe it had been poetic justice the detective had been shot.  Then he opened the door to her room and stopped dead in his tracks.

Alex had twined the fingers of their hands together, careful not to disturb the myriad of tubes and bandages in and around Olivia’s body.  Her other hand lightly swept the hair back from Liv’s face and she kept up a litany of whispered words in Olivia’s ear.  Even from a distance, Timmons could hear the difference in Olivia’s vital signs.  Though not by much, they were a little stronger and he watched in silence as Alex brushed her lips over Liv’s cheeks. That earned a reaction even Alex noticed and it brought her head up momentarily to look at the monitors before she leaned down and tried it a second time – this effort touching Olivia’s lips.

Again the monitors registered a slight increase in Liv’s heart rate and breathing and Alex sighed shakily, laying her head on Olivia’s shoulder and greedily breathing in her scent in reassurance.  It was at once the most awkward and comfortable position she had ever been in.  Timmons decided it was time to step forward and announce his presence.

“Ms Cabot?”  Alex straightened and lifted her head from Liv’s body without releasing the hold she had on it.  She turned her head slightly and met the doctor’s eyes, taken back by the multitude of conflicting emotions reflected in his eye.  Clear still was the disgust and contempt he held for them that she had seen before, but now there was also confusion and understanding and sympathy.

Alex shook her head.  What she and Olivia shared was not meant for public consumption; though many more people were aware of their relationship than would have been had she not been shot three years ago, they were still not looking to become poster children for gay marriage.  On the other hand, if they could change a single person’s bias by being themselves, Alex wasn’t going to argue the point.

“I’m sorry to disturb you,” and indeed, the doctor did actually seem sincere, “but I need to ask you to leave now.  Ms Benson needs her rest and from the looks of things, so do you.  Besides,” he continued when she started to argue, “I need to check on her and it’s better if I do that without an audience.”

“When can I come back in?”

Timmons sighed.  “Actually, it would be better if you go home for the night and come back in the morning.”

“No,” flatly.

“Ms Cabot, I don’t think you understand – you’re not actually supposed to be in here at all.  I’ve done as much for you as I would for any spouse, but now I’m going to have to ask you to leave so we can do our jobs.  Please don’t make me call security to have you removed.”

A sudden wailing from the machines spurred the doctor into action and caused a number of medical personnel to come tearing into the room.  Alex determined to stay at Olivia’s side, but the doctor called out, “Nurse, take Ms Cabot to the waiting room, STAT!  Let’s go people... MOVE!!”  And then the door was closing between her and Olivia again and Alex was left on the outside looking in.

She resisted the nurse’s efforts to move her from the door and finally the nurse gave up with a shrug and rushed back into the trauma room, leaving Alex alone.  She looked briefly at the waiting area, wondering if their friends had heard the code, but a quick glance showed her mother, Liz and Kathy in quiet conversation; Serena and Casey involved in another; and her detectives talking to Lenny and Ed from homicide.  Trevor was nowhere to be found.  It crossed her mind to wonder who had died that the case had been turned over to homicide, but realized a bit selfishly that as long as it wasn’t Olivia, she didn’t rightly care.

Then she turned back to watch the trauma team work on the best part of her life, praying for Olivia to be all right.

************

They watched the doctor head back into Olivia’s room and they turned to look at one another.  Before anyone could open their mouth to speak, Lenny Briscoe and Ed Green walked in the door and the detectives of the one-six immediately separated themselves from the rest and met them in one corner of the emergency room.  Serena took Casey by the arm and led her to another corner. That left Kathy, Elizabeth and Liz to converse among themselves, which they did with ease, having enough in common between them to find plenty of interest to talk about.

When Trevor realized there was really no place for him, he slipped out the door.  There were some things even really great sex couldn’t overcome.  He had a feeling their differences were going to be something that would keep him and Casey apart.

Serena tugged Casey down into a chair beside her.  “All right, Girlfriend... you want to explain to me what you’re doing here with Trevor Langan?  Come on, Case... you deserve better than a slimy defense attorney, no matter how cute he’s supposed to be.”  An arched eyebrow made her giggle.  “Being a lesbian doesn’t make me blind, Casey.  I can see.  So...?”

Casey sighed.  “So...?  He was interested and the sex is incredible.”

“Oh Honey... you’re so much better than that.”  Serena pushed a lock of hair behind her ear and took Casey’s hand.  “I mean... if he makes you happy, that’s one thing.  But if all you’ve got between you is sex....  Casey, there are plenty that would be interested if you’d give them an inkling of encouragement.  Hell, if you played on my team, I’d ask you out,” she added with a grin.  “You have a lot to offer, Hon – don’t sell yourself short.”

“You’re making me blush, Serena.”

“Don’t – just accept the fact that you’re a hot babe and better than a roll in the hay for someone like Trevor Langan.  In fact,” Serena paused and looked around the room before continuing, “I have it on good authority that there are several individuals who find you um... shall we say appealing?  John Munch is one of them,” throwing her dice on a single roll.

Casey chuckled.  “You’re kidding me, right?  John Munch?

“Yep.  He hasn’t said anything because he doesn’t want to get shot down, but he has a definite interest.”

“And you know this how?”

Serena patted the hand she was holding.  “John and I have had a number of interesting conversations over the years, including but not limited to our tastes in women.  Look, I didn’t tell you that to make you uncomfortable.  Just keep your eyes open and be aware; there are a lot of opportunities out there if you’re open to them.”  She looked up.  “Uh oh.”

“Uh oh?” 

Serena nodded and pointed to the corner where the detectives had been meeting.  Casey’s eyes widened.  “Oh shit.”

************

As soon as Lenny and Ed walked in the door, Stabler, Munch, Fin and Cragen all crossed the room to meet them.

“How is she?” Briscoe asked without preamble.  Elliot shook his head.

“Not good... but she’s hanging in there.  Whaddya got?”

“Well, for one thing, your partner is a damn fine shot.  She managed to kill the driver of that moving vehicle and wound the shooter.  And he’s already singing like a bird – pointing the finger for tonight’s events at the man Benson saved tonight.  So one of you wanna tell me who the hell Robert Claiborne is and how all this ties into Alex Cabot’s return?  ‘Cause this guy has given us all kinds of shit to wade through and they both play a prominent part in his story.”

Elliot started to give them an abbreviate version of the events of the last few months when Jack Hammond appeared out of nowhere, furious and full of righteous indignation.

“Would any of you gentlemen like to explain to me why I just got a call from the director telling me to get my ass to the hospital because some crazy assed detective has ruined what was left of the Rivera investigation?”

He was up against the wall with Elliot’s arm holding him up by the throat so quickly he didn’t even have time to take a deep breath.

“You wanna go ask your goddamn director why one of your fucking rogue agents was left free to roam when he couldn’t do his goddamn job?  Why my partner is laying in the trauma unit dying because she was shot trying to protect his sorry ass??”

The rest of the detectives pulled Elliot away from Hammond, but none of them helped him as he fell to the floor clutching his throat and gasping for air.

“What the hell are you talking about, Stabler?”

“He means Liv got shot trying to protect your boy Claiborne who had a li’l somethin’-somethin’ goin’ on with Rivera while you thought he was takin’ care of your business.  Clear?”

Hammond shook his head.  “Not really. Can I get that in English this time?”

Briscoe and Green exchanged glances with each other and the detectives of the one-six.  Lenny took Jack by the arm.  “C’mon, Agent Hammond.  I think you need to be brought up to speed on a few things.  ‘Your boy’ Claiborne is looking at murder charges for a start and that’s without considering his drug activities.”  By this time, Casey and Serena had joined them.

“Gentlemen?  Is everything all right?”

Not surprisingly, Munch walked over to them and put an arm around each woman.  “Agent Hammond here was a little confused over some of the facts in the case as they have played out.  But we are doing our very best to enlighten him.”

“Then allow me to suggest that we move this to a quiet corner of the waiting area and sit and discuss this like adults.  Otherwise the hospital is going to ask us to leave and despite the doctor’s recommendation, I’m willing to bet no one here is ready or willing to leave until Liv is out of the woods.”  Heads nodded and Casey motioned them to the far corner that was big enough for all of them and offered semi-privacy by virtue of being backed by two walls.

It was a much more sedate group that moved over to the corner and sat down.  With a little luck, they would be able to figure out exactly what had led up to tonight’s actions and finally once and for all put the whole business behind them.

************

“Oh my goodness,” Elizabeth exclaimed as Elliot pinned Jack Hammond to the wall by his neck.  She looked at Kathy who was watching the scene with a mixture of fear and fascination.  “He’s very strong and seems to be quite passionate about his work.”

Kathy looked back at Liz and Elizabeth.  “He takes his work very personally and he is very passionate about Olivia.”

The two older women blinked at her matter-of-fact statement and tone of voice.  “Doesn’t that bother you, Dear?  His caring so deeply for Olivia, I mean....”  Liz remained quiet at Elizabeth’s question, but she waited to hear Kathy’s answer with interest.  Kathy sighed.

“It’s complicated,” she confessed.  “I know Elliot loves Olivia – part of him is in love with her because she can share part of his life that I can’t... he won’t let me.  That caused a huge part of the problems that broke up our marriage and is something we are trying to work on together now.”  She sighed again.  “On the other hand, I trust them both – I know they care about each other deeply and will do whatever it takes to watch one another’s backs and get both of them home at the end of the day.  And Elliot and I both know that Olivia is deeply and totally committed to Alex and always has been.”

“I have to say what a surprise that was for me,” Elizabeth admitted.

“Alex and Olivia together?”

She shook her head.  “Not exactly... I mean, I had always wondered why Alexandra seemed cursed with such abysmal taste in men.  I know she was looking for someone like her father, but every man I heard about was so shallow and two-dimensional.  It wasn’t until I met Olivia at Alexandra’s funeral that I started to understand why the men Alexandra dated were – to be frank – appallingly lacking.  She’d found everything she was looking for in a female detective.”

“Did that bother you?” Liz asked bluntly.

“It might have,” came the honest reply, “if things had been different.  As it was, Olivia and I developed our own friendship, and I learned to see and appreciate her for the person she was.  So I understood when my daughter came home how very lucky she was to have found someone like Olivia who loves her the way Olivia does.”

“So what was the surprise?” Kathy inquired.

“The fact that Alex has been so open about their relationship.  She hasn’t taken out space in the Times or posted it up on a billboard.  Quite honestly if Alexandra did something so completely out of character, I’d be inclined to believe some of John’s more outrageous conspiracy theories.  But I believe she has been much more open about it than she would have been if she had remained here instead of spending three years in witness protection.”

“That’s true,” Liz agreed.  “She was uptight before she left here... and completely focused on doing whatever it took to get to the big chair.  Alex Cabot was her job with the DA’s office, and that’s just not true anymore.  “

“Well, I like the change,” Kathy admitted.  “I’ve actually enjoyed getting to see a more human side of her.  She brings a smile to Liv’s face and that’s a good thing in my book.  She spent a lot of years making herself miserable.  It’s nice to see genuine happiness for a change.”

Liz looked at her watch.  “I wonder where Alex is.  I thought the doctor was going to send her out as soon as he went back into Olivia’s room.”

Elizabeth frowned and looked around, seeing the detectives, Casey and Jack Hammond deep in a quietly, heated discussion about something or other.  Serena was nowhere to be seen and Elizabeth assumed she’d gone to the ladies room or to get coffee or something similar.

“I think I’ll go check on Alexandra.  Perhaps the doctor relented and decided to allow her to remain with Olivia, but I would feel better knowing for certain.  He didn’t seem particularly happy about the fact that they are a couple.  I can’t imagine he would go out of his way to accommodate either of them more than the law deems necessary.”

“And unfortunately, their union won’t be recognized by the state for another three months.  Despite their long and interesting history together, they have only been living as a couple for three months.  Legally, Alex has little recourse if the doctor throws her out of the room.”

“Excuse me,” Elizabeth said, standing and stretching muscles that were cramping from stress.  “I’ll be right back.

Before she could take two steps, the entire waiting room froze at the high-pitching keening sound that rose from the other side of the trauma unit doors.  “NOOOOOOOO!!!!!  Oh God, NOOOOOO!!!!!”

Elliot raced through the heavy doors while the others waited stock still and frozen by the agony they heard on Alex’s voice.  The only glimpse they got before the doors closed was of Alex crumpled on the floor and Elliot sliding into place beside her to wrap her in his strong, tender embrace.

Suddenly, the night took a turn for grim.


Chapter XXVII

“Wait just a goddamn minute,” Jack Hammond hissed.  “You meant to tell me Ms Cabot was contacted by Rivera and no one thought it was important enough to pass that bit of information along to me or someone else in the Agency?  He’s a drug lord and that is....”

He trailed off when Elliot placed a firm grasp on his arm.  “That is just how it is, considering he was more upfront with her than the DEA has ever been with any of us.  You expect us to cover your asses, but you’re unwilling to reciprocate that.  Be honest, Hammond – you never once had control of anything involved in this investigation.”

“What exactly are you implying, Detective?” Hammond growled.  “And consider your answer carefully.”

“I’m not implying anything, Jack.  I am stating a fact.  The investigation of Rivera was a fuck-up from the start and you never really knew what was going on.  And when it went completely haywire, you stepped back and hoped the NYPD would step in and do the dirty work and then clean up the mess you left.”

“I don’t think that’s a very fair assessment....”

“I think it’s more than generous... especially given the fact that you involved Alex Cabot again, knowing it was a bad idea from the get-go.  And that doesn’t even take into account the fact that your agent is dirty and might have gotten my partner killed!!”

“He’s not dirty, Detective.  Just because things didn’t go as planned....”

“Yeah, he is.  The narc squad started putting together a shit load of evidence against him before he started harassing our girl.  Dude’s got issues, man.”

Hammond looked at Fin with disdain.  “Have you ever tried speaking English?”

“You ever tried gettin’ your head outta your ass??”

“Claiborne’s going down, Hammond,” Elliot said.  “I imagine Rivera would be happy to cooperate with the NYPD in an effort to get a drug lord off the streets of New York, and you know what?  We’ll be happy to take him and let Rivera walk for now.  He screwed with one of our own.”

“You can’t do that.”

“Watch us.  We tried doing things your way and all it got us was a shit load of trouble... twice.  You don’t get another chance.”

“We’ll see about that, Detective.”

“No, we won’t, Agent Hammond,” Cragen finally offered.  “This discussion is over, and so is your involvement with any member of my squad.”

Before Hammond could make a retort, the entire waiting room froze at the high-pitched keening sound that rose from the other side of the trauma unit doors.  “NOOOOOOOO!!!!!  Oh God, NOOOOOO!!!!!”  Elliot jumped over the chairs and raced through the heavy doors while the others waited stock still and frozen by the agony they heard in Alex’s voice.

“Oh my God,” Casey said and reached out to Munch just as Serena came around the corner.  She smiled briefly until she noticed the panic and fear on the faces around her.

“What happened??  Where’s Elliot??”

Her voice broke the tableau and everyone jerked into motion, shifting back towards Elizabeth.  All eyes were focused on the doors Alex and now Elliot were hidden behind – waiting and wondering at the silence and hoping someone would come out and offer them some good news.  But the doors remained closed and the group clustered around Elizabeth and sat in nerve-racking silence.

************

Alex watched through the window as the machines continued to wail, grating against her nerves in a way nothing else ever had or likely would again.  Medical personnel scurried around the room, but Alex’s eyes remained focused on Olivia’s still face – looking... hoping for the smallest movement to reassure her.

A nurse reached to turn off a machine and Alex crumpled, her soul screaming in agony.  “NOOOOOOOO!!!!!  Oh God, NOOOOOO!!!!!”  The next thing she knew, she was wrapped in Elliot’s embrace, but she couldn’t breathe, she couldn’t see – all she could do was to hold on to Elliot and pray it would all be over soon.

Alex felt Elliot’s tears on the top of her head, but she couldn’t even cry.  Then he brushed a kiss over the top of her head.  “Alex?  The doc’s here.”

Alex burrowed deeper into Elliot’s arms, doing her best to avoid being told a truth she didn’t want to hear.  She actually flinched when Dr. Timmons’ hand came into contact with her arm, cringing away from his touch with a visible shudder.  The doctor didn’t release his hold and knelt down to her level, calling out her name softly.

“Ms Cabot?  Ms Cabot?  We got Detective Benson stabilized, but it’s still very touch and go.  She’s going to need more blood – a lot more than we have on hand.  Do you think some of your friends out there would lend us a pint?”

Alex sat unblinking at Timmons for a long moment trying to comprehend what he was saying.  Elliot, however, caught on right away.  He wiped the tears from his face.  “All of them would, Doc, and we can get plenty more if you need it.  Let me go....” he trailed off, suddenly realizing Alex had a death grip on him and he couldn’t move until she released him.  “Alex... Honey?”

“Liv’s okay?”

“She’s not out of the woods yet.  She needs our help.  You need to let me go so we can help her,” understanding with startling clarity just how strong and entwined their relationship had become.  The Alex Cabot he had known before, while capable of intense emotions, had never been completely discombobulated by anything... especially not to the point of incoherence. 

She turned to the doctor and clasped the hand he still had resting on her arm and it didn’t even occur to him to be disgusted or put off by it.  All he saw this time was a woman in distress because someone she loved was on the brink of death.

“Liv’s not dead... she’s okay?”

Timmons patted Alex’s hand.  “We’re doing our very best.  Why don’t you come with me and let the detective here go get me the help I need, all right?  I think Detective Benson will do better with you in the room with her anyway.”

Dr. Timmons stood and offered Alex a hand up, which she accepted gratefully.  She looked at Elliot and his heart broke – he had never seen Alex look as lost as she did right at this moment.  He leaned forward and brushed her cheek with his lips, noting the chill in her skin.  He cupped her face a moment, hoping to warm it.  “I’ll be right back,” he promised, and disappeared back through the trauma room doors.

The doctor patted her hand, as much to promote a little circulation as to get her attention.  “C’mon, Ms Cabot.  Do you know your blood type?”

This got him his first smile from her, tentative and uncertain though it was.  “A-positive... Olivia and I share the same blood type, Doctor, as does my mother.”  He led her back into the trauma room and signaled a nurse over, whispering his instructions and leading Alex back to Olivia’s side.  She took the stool she had abandoned and grasped Olivia’s hand in her own, holding on as tightly as she dared.

With her other, Alex tenderly stroked every bit of skin she could reach, reassuring herself that Olivia was truly still alive.  A touch at her elbow made her growl and turn to glare at whomever had the nerve to bother her here and now.  The doctor held his hands up in surrender and then motioned to the gurney they had pulled up beside Liv’s bed.

“I thought you might like to stay in here with her while you made your donation to her personal blood bank.  We can hook you up directly.”

“I don’t have to leave?”

“Absolutely not.  I want you to stay and talk to her.  We’ll arrange you so you can hold her hand as well.”

Alex lay down on the gurney and turned on her side facing Liv.  Then she looked back at the doctor.  “What changed your mind about us?  An hour ago you didn’t want anything to do with either of us more than was absolutely necessary.”

“I’m not sure my mind has been changed, Ms Cabot – there is a lot about this entire situation I don’t agree with – your relationship with Ms Benson chief among them.  However,” he continued before she could let loose with the fire he could easily see in her eyes, “even I can see that whatever is between you is real and not some sort of political statement.  Besides, she is my patient, and I don’t let my patients die... regardless of my personal feelings for their lifestyle choices.”

“Maybe you should consider why that is, Doctor – what it is about us that disturbs you so much.  And why you think of our love for one another as a lifestyle choice instead of just accepting it as love.” 

Dr. Timmons looked pensive, but he didn’t answer.  Instead he reached over and patted her hand, placing it on top of Olivia’s.  “Talk to her, Ms Cabot.  She needs to hear your voice.  It doesn’t matter what you talk about – just let her know you’re here.  I’m going to go see how the donors are doing.  I’ll be back to check on you both shortly.”

Alex nodded and turned her attention to Olivia, rubbing her thumb over the back of Liv’s hand and whispering to her about anything and everything she could think of, starting with their wedding plans.  More than anything, Alex wanted Olivia to remember they had a lot of living together still to do.

************

As soon as Elliot crossed the threshold back into the waiting room, everyone stood and looked at him.  He rubbed his hands over his face, knowing there were still traces of his tears left.  Then he clasped his hands together.  “She’s still alive,” feeling the sigh of relief run through everyone in the room.  “But she needs blood desperately – so if you’re O-positive or A-positive, especially – let the nurse know if you can give a pint.  I’m sure they’ll take all types, but those are what Liv needs.”

Before he was done talking, everyone – even Jack Hammond - was moving to the nurse’s station to start the process of donating blood – everyone except Kathy.  She headed to Elliot’s side and took him in a strong embrace; she rocked him gently for a moment before releasing him, knowing he wouldn’t allow her to comfort him more than that publicly.  Later, when they were alone, she would hold him and he might relax his guard a bit.  But for now....

“How is she?”

Elliot shook his head.  “She’s a fighter, but it doesn’t look good.”

“How are you doing with all this?”

Elliot shrugged.  “Let’s just say I see bad things in Robert Claiborne’s future.  He’s gonna suffer for every bit of pain Liv is feeling.”

Kathy nodded, not surprised by the vehemence of his tone.  “And Alex?”

“I’m as worried about her as I am Liv.  Strong as she is, I’m not sure she’ll survive if something happens.  She hasn’t been through anything like this before.”

“One of the hardest things about being a cop’s wife.”

“One of?  I’d think waiting in the hospital would be the worst.”  Kathy shook her head.

“Two different things, honey.  Being at the hospital is the worst, aside from having someone come to your door too late.”  She shuddered.  “The hardest was always watching you go off every morning with a smile on my face.  But I’d do it again because you’re doing the job you need to do and I’d never ask you to do anything else.  Now, c’mon Detective – let’s go do our part to save your partner’s life.  I happen to know you’re a match and I’m an O-positive.”

Briscoe and Green approached them and Kathy squeezed Elliot’s arm before walking towards the nurses’ desk and leaving him alone with the homicide detectives.  “Look, we’re still on duty so we’re gonna head back to the precinct and let everyone know what’s going on.  But we’ll be back and I imagine you’ll have a few more volunteers before the night is over,” Ed said.

“Thanks, man... appreciate it.”

Lennie nodded.  “She’s a good cop and we look after our own.  Listen,” putting his arm around Elliot’s shoulders and leaning closer, “we’re gonna let Claiborne stew tonight.  The shooter – guy named Whitmore – he’s given us enough for probable cause against Claiborne and ain’t it great... it’s after hours on Friday night.  Claiborne is stuck as a guest of the city of New York for the weekend.”

“Interviewing him tomorrow?”

Ed grinned.  “We thought we’d have lunch together at the precinct tomorrow if you’d like to join us.”

Elliot held out his hand and Ed grasped it, followed by Lenny.  “I’ll be there.  I’ll even treat.”

“See ya about noon then,” Lenny said as he and Green headed out the ER doors.  Then Elliot crossed back to the trauma doors and headed into Olivia’s room to check on both Olivia and Alex.  What he found made tears come to his eyes even as it brought a smile to his face.

Liv was attached to every conceivable type of monitor Elliot had ever seen or imagined and there were far more tubes inserted and baggies hanging near than he was comfortable seeing.  But at least she was a little less pale to his carefully watching eyes.  Then he regarded the thin red line that connected Olivia to Alex.  Blue eyes met his and he padded over to Alex’s side.

“How ya doing?”

“’M tired... feel a little woozy.  But Liv is doing better; we’ve been talking.”

“Really?  Did she say anything?”

“Not yet, but she is an excellent listener.  She looks better, doesn’t she?”

“A little bit, yeah... but you look like you could use some juice or something.  Let me get a nurse,” he offered, just as the doctor came through the doors.

“Detective... is there something I could help you with?” a touch impatiently.

“Yeah, actually.  Can you have someone get Ms Cabot some juice or something?  I think she’s gonna pass out in a minute.”

Dr. Timmons looked at Alex and realized no one had hooked her up to an IV.  “Dammit!” he cursed roundly, making his way to her side.  “Excuse me....  God, do I have to do everything myself??” quickly and efficiently setting up an IV drip and slowing the blood flowing from Alex to Olivia.  Then he turned back to look at Elliot.  “Aren’t you supposed to be donating a pint, Detective? I have it on good authority that you are a match for Ms Benson.”  Elliot looked startled and glanced furtively at Olivia and then Alex.  For the first time, the doctor looked amused, though he didn’t actually crack a smile.  “No, Detective.  The nurses told me we had two A-positives – you and Ms Cabot’s mother – and a whole host of O-positives.  The couple of people that aren’t either type we’ve asked to wait so we can get everyone home safely.  So, please....” motioning towards the swinging door, “let’s get you hooked up.”

Elliot patted Alex’s hip.  “I’ll be back to check on you too.”

“So will I,” the doctor commented dryly, “but I think she’ll be all right as long as you’re in here with her.  Keep talking as long as you can.  I’ll send a nurse in with some juice and cookies for you.”

“Thank you, Doctor... you don’t know how much....”  Alex broke off and bit her lip and this time Timmons actually smiled. 

“You’re right – I don’t; but I’m glad I could help.  Maybe I will rethink a few things.”  Then he took Elliot’s elbow and escorted him from the room.

“Doc?”

“C’mon, Detective – the sooner we take it from you, the sooner we can put it into Ms Benson.”

“So you think...?”

“I think this is the very best chance she’s got, and she’s doing her part by fighting to stay alive.  So we’re going to do our part by doing everything we can to keep her that way.”

************

Two hours later, the waiting room was filled again, only this time it was with tired, slightly blood depleted detectives and lawyers... and Jack Hammond.  Elliot hadn’t believed his eyes when he’d walked back out from the room he’d been ensconced in.  He’d heard the sounds of several more traumas come through the doors, but the nurse assigned to collecting their blood hadn’t said a word and frankly, he really didn’t care.  His only concern was making sure Liv survived.  But he hadn’t expected Hammond to hang around after the verbal knockdown-drag out fight they’d had before Olivia coded.  And he certainly hadn’t expected the snort he got when Jack caught his surprised expression.

“Despite the fact that we are in disagreement over the perceived guilt and dispensation of Robert Claiborne, the fact remains that Olivia Benson is a damn fine police officer.  I wanted to help.”

Elliot nodded curtly.  “I’m sure it’s appreciated,” wanting to say more, but Kathy’s hand on his arm reminded him he had more important things to deal with.

“Look, Stabler... we’re going to stay out of this for now.  I talked to my director.  If you’ve really got that much evidence against Claiborne, we’re going to let him go down.  We figure he’ll try to strike a deal to keep his mouth shut about being a DEA agent and we’ll be able to deal more directly with him then.”

“You really think he’ll be that stupid?”  Hammond cocked his head in question at Elliot’s words so Stabler elaborated a little more.  “Telling that kind of information marks him for the hole or for the chair.  That kind of thing doesn’t stay a secret in prison for very long.”

“Detective, I’ve come to the conclusion that Robert Claiborne isn’t all that bright so we’ll just take what comes.”

Elliot smirked.  “Director’s kid?”

“I’m betting there’s a family relation somewhere in the picture.  It’s the only excuse for a screw-up like him to be an agent.  And it would explain why he always got approval for things I found questionable.  Doesn’t alleviate my responsibility for going along with them, I know.  Maybe it’s time I got out of this business.”

“I think we all have days like that, Jack.  Just... if you’re really gonna let us handle this, just walk away and let us do our jobs.  Don’t come to his rescue.  Either he’ll talk or he won’t – it really doesn’t matter.  We’ve got him dead to rights.”

“And Rivera’s going to come out of all this smelling like a rose.”

“I figure if Rivera is as smart as I think he is, he’ll set Claiborne up to be the scumbag drug lord Rivera really is and force the DEA’s attention away from him for a while... except as an innocent victim – an honest businessman who got taken in by his shyster lawyer.”

Hammond shook his head.  “You’re probably right.  Sometimes this job makes me tired.”

This time Elliot chuckled tiredly.  “You should try being a parent.”

Before Hammond could comment, the doctor stepped from the trauma area and over to their group once more.  “I just want you to know that we have Ms Benson stabilized for the moment and the transfusions are progressing smoothly.  Ms Cabot has maintained that she will remain by the detective’s side and in light of the evidence we have supporting her need to be there, I’m going to allow it for now.  As soon as she is stable enough to move, we will be putting Ms Benson into a private room at Ms Cabot’s insistence in the critical care ward. However, I’m going to have to be adamant that the remainder of you go home and get some sleep now.  It’s been a very long night for all of you, and the next few days are going to be just as critical to Ms Benson’s recovery.” 

“Thank you, Doctor – can we see her before we go?”

“I’ll allow you, Detective Stabler and Mrs. Cabot to speak to Ms Cabot briefly, but I’m afraid more than that will be disruptive.  You will all be allowed to visit them for a short time tomorrow in the CCU ward.  I’ve made sure the nurses understand that Ms Benson has a large extended family.  Now if you’ll excuse me....” stalking to the back before anyone had a chance to thank him.

Elizabeth Cabot stood unexpectedly and cleared her throat.  “I know it’s not really my place, but I feel the need to say something to all of you.  Thank you... for what you’ve done for my daughters tonight.  I know they’re not technically a family yet, but they have been in their hearts for a long time and I know you all have been part of that.”  She looked at the band-aid on her arm and smiled.  “Of course, now I can tease Olivia about being a ‘blue-blooded snob’ since I heard she gave my daughter grief about that once upon a long time ago.”

The group chuckled and the rest of those in the waiting area wondered what the joke was and why so many police officers were in attendance.

“Unfortunately,” she continued apologetically, “I do have one more favor to ask.”  Elizabeth sighed and bowed her head.  “As some of you are aware, Alexandra and Olivia acquired a new apartment recently and have been moving in bit by bit.  Tomorrow was supposed to be their actual moving day – the last of their things from the old apartment was to be taken to the new.  Obviously they are not going to be able to do that, so I was wondering if someone would be willing to come to the hospital long enough for me to go take care of things.  I would feel better knowing someone who cared about them was here with them... at least until Olivia wakes up and can insist my daughter take care of herself.”

“Actually, Elizabeth... if you’d rather be here, Casey and I can handle the movers,” Serena volunteered.  “As long as everything is marked or there is a list we can follow.”

“Are you sure you don’t mind, my dear?  I know Alexandra had everything written down, but I believe the movers were coming early – around seven, she said.”  Serena groaned, causing another chuckle to ripple around the exhausted group.

“Figures she would still get up at dawn on a Saturday.  Doesn’t the woman ever slow down?”

“Quite a bit since her return, in point of fact,” Elizabeth said with a grin.  “But they were anxious to get this move finalized.  They wanted to be settled in time for the wedding.”

“We’ll be happy to do it, Elizabeth,” Casey assured her.  “Do you have keys for us to get in?”

“I’ll get them from Alex while we’re in the back.  Thank you all so much for being here.  Now I understand why Alexandra fought so hard to come home.  I would have too with friends like you.”  Then she took Elliot’s arm and they walked swiftly into Olivia’s trauma room.

************

Bleary blue eyes blinked open when Elizabeth laid a hand on Alex’s hip.  “Mom?”  Then she turned and looked at Olivia.  “Dammit... I was hoping it was a bad dream.”

“No, but she’s hanging in there, so don’t you lose hope.  I wanted to let you know that the doctor is sending all of us home now, but I will be back in the morning.  Casey and Serena volunteered to take care of the movers tomorrow, so I’m going to give them your keys, all right?”

Alex nodded her head.  “Thank you, Mother.”  Elizabeth slid over to the table where Alex had thrown her purse and Elliot stepped into the space she’d vacated.

“She’s tough, Alex... she’ll be all right.”

“She better or I’ll kick her ass.”

“Me too,” Elliot agreed with a smile.  “Is there anything we can do for you... anything you need?”

“Aside from Liv opening her eyes?  No, I’m okay for now.”

Elliot nodded.  “All right.  I’m interviewing Claiborne tomorrow, but I will stop by on my way in, then I’ll be here afterwards.”

“Nail his balls to the wall, Elliot,” Alex said in a cold voice, her eyes suddenly bright and sharp in their loathing of Robert.  “I want him to go down hard for this.”

“He will, Alex... I promise that.”

“All right,” Elizabeth cut in as she returned with Alex’s keys.  “I will be back in the morning with more comfortable clothing for you, Alexandra.”  She brushed a kiss over the messy blonde hair.  “Try to get some rest – Olivia is going to need you to be strong for her.”

“Listen to your mother, Alex.  Moms know best.”

“Suck-up,” Alex accused dryly.

He kissed her temple.  “How do you think I survived in a house full of women?” smiling when his words got a tiny grin out of her.  “We’ll be back in the morning.”

“Thanks, Elliot.  Thanks, mom.  Would you thank everyone out there for me too?  They’ll never know what it means to me that they were here.”

“Already done,” Elizabeth said briskly.  “Now close your eyes.  The night will pass faster if you sleep.”

Alex turned back on her side facing Olivia, clutching her hand and whispering to her before she closed her eyes.  Elliot and Elizabeth stood at the door until her breathing evened out in sleep.  Then they headed out to herd the rest out for a little of the same before morning came again.


Chapter XXVIII

“You’re late,” Briscoe commented as Elliot walked in the door with his hands full.  Ed stepped forward and relieved Stabler of part of the load he was carrying and they both followed Lenny into the interrogation room. 

“How’s Liv?” Green asked before they crossed the threshold.

Elliot shrugged.  “About the same – still unconscious, but the doctor thinks she’s finally stabilized.  He’s cautiously optimistic.”  He put his bags on the table and opened them, handing around Styrofoam containers negligently while Ed set up the drinks.

“What about Cabot?”

“She’s getting a crash course in being a cop’s wife.  I left Kathy with her and Elizabeth.  If anyone can teach her how to get through this without losing her soul, it’ll be Kathy.  But Alex is tough and stubborn – my money is on her having the mettle to not only stick it out, but show the rest of us how to do it with class.”

“Good – now can we eat?  The smell is making me crazy.  Can’t wait to see what it does to Claiborne.”

“Briscoe, you are a mean sonovabitch,” Elliot laughed.  “No wonder we get along so well.”  With great relish, they dug into the Italian food Elliot had brought, moaning in delight.  “God, I love Luigi’s fettuccine.  Nobody does Alfredo sauce like Luigi.”

“Or marinara and garlic bread.  Damn fine choice, Detective.”

“And it will leave such a fine aroma in the air during our interrogation of Claiborne... much better than prison food, I’d be willing to bet.”  The three of them smirked and continued to eat until the only thing left was sauce that they mopped up with the remainder of their bread.

“Well, I feel much better now – ready to deal with the sleaze.  Let’s bring Claiborne in and stick it to him, ‘cause he’s a real piece of work.”

After a few minutes, a uniformed officer escorted a beaten and bruised Robert Claiborne into the box, clicking his cuffs into place and nodding to the detectives as he took his leave.  They exchanged glances and Elliot leaned against the door, allowing Briscoe and Green to take the lead for the moment.  He would step in when the time was right.

“What the hell happened to you?” Lenny asked, taking the seat across the table.  “Oh, let me guess... you decided to announce your status as a DEA agent to the holding cell at large and got the crap beaten out of you.  Am I close?”

“Look, I don’t know what kind of game you’re playing, detectives, but I think the time has come to stop playing and release me.  I am an agent for the Drug Enforcement Administration and I have been working undercover against Nicholas Rivera as his lawyer for the last several years.  No matter what it is you think I’ve done, I can assured you it was all sanctioned by the director of the DEA.”

“I think we need to read Mr. Claiborne his rights and the charges against him again.”

“I am aware of my rights and the charges against me – I’m a lawyer, remember?  Now I demand you release me.  You have no reason to hold me.” 

A knock on the door made Elliot turn and open it only to be met by Munch and Fin.  Briscoe stood and motioned his fellow detectives out the door.  He turned back to Robert. “Don’t go anywhere.”

“Is this a private party or can anyone join in?” Munch asked once the door was closed.

“Hail, hail... the gang’s all here,” Green said dryly.  “What are you two doing here anyway?”

“Same thing Elliot is I would imagine,” was Munch’s rejoinder.  “We were in the box – we want to see this ass go down.  Oh... and we spoke to Rivera – a distraught and honest businessman who has assured us of his complete cooperation against drug lords like Claiborne.”

“So he’s going to set Claiborne up?”

“He don’t need to – Claiborne’s as dirty as they come all by hisself.  Rivera’s just gonna make sure he comes out of all this slick and clean as a whistle.”

“Well, I told Hammond how this was likely to play out and he swore old Bobby boy in there was gonna be left swinging in the wind.  So I say we go in and apply a little pressure... see how long it takes him to squirm.”

“Personally, I’m waiting to see how long it takes you to swing,” Briscoe answered wryly.  “C’mon... we’ve got work to do,” opening the door and stepping back into the box with Stabler.  Green, Munch and Fin went back to the observation room to watch.

“Hey, you lost a detective – did he have to go get the keys so you can let me out of here?  I told you I was clean.”

“Robert Claiborne - You have the right to remain silent.  Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.  You have the right to speak to an attorney and to have an attorney present during any questioning. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be provided for you at government expense.  Do you understand these rights?”

“Of course I understand these rights – I’m an attorney!  What I don’t understand is why you are reading them to me AGAIN.  I’ve explained to you that I am an agent working for the DEA and everything I’ve done has been authorized by my director.  Now I demand that you release me.”

Elliot moved so fast Lenny didn’t see him flinch until he had his fist wrapped in Robert’s shirt so tightly that his face was quickly shifting from pink to red to purple.  Then Elliot whipped his hand forward and slammed Robert’s face into the table.  “You’re not in a position to make demands, asshole.  You have the right to shut the fuck up to keep from saying anything stupid, but you don’t have the right to DEMAND anything from us.  Nod your head if you understand your rights?”  Robert nodded rapidly against the table. 

“Detective Stabler, do you think I could question the witness now?”

Elliot bowed slightly and smirked as he released Robert’s collar and listened to him gasp and wheeze for breath with a distinct sense of satisfaction.  “Please, Detective Briscoe... be my guest.  But you might want to tell your alleged DEA friend that we’ve already been in touch with his so-called director and they have disavowed any knowledge of him.”

“You lie!”  Robert screamed.

“’Fraid not,” Lenny confirmed conversationally.  “And we’ve got a shit load of charges to go through.  Would you like to call a lawyer now?”

“I will act as my own council... and I have nothing to say.”

“Then you can listen as we go through them.  Who knows – Detective Stabler has been known to be quite persuasive in interrogation – you might change your mind after a session in here with him.  Word has it you’ve even got the scoop on the Hoffa murder, but let’s start with the drug charges first. Then we can talk about the RICO violations and embezzling and move on to the murder and assault charges.”

Robert snorted.  “Drug charges?!?  RICO... embezzling... MURDER???  Are you trying to blow smoke out my ass??”  Briscoe held his eyes for a very long moment before Robert’s eyes fell to the table.  Then several minutes more minutes passed as Lenny read the list of drug related charges against him.  Finally, Lenny drew a deep breath and set his list on the table.

“Now, before we move on to the more serious charges, is there anything you’d like to say?”

“I’d like to make a phone call.”

Briscoe and Stabler exchanged glances, then Stabler plugged in a phone and brought it to the table.  “We’ll just wait outside,” knowing Munch, Fin and Green were still watching and listening to everything Claiborne said. 

“Whaddya think?” Briscoe said when the door was closed.  “Has he shit himself yet?”

“If he hasn’t, he probably will after this phone call.  Bet he’s calling the director.”

“No bet.  No wonder nothing gets done right when nepotism gives you that caliber of agent.”  Elliot almost spewed his coffee across the room.  “I can’t wait to hear how he’s going to justify the attempted murder of a police officer.  Five’ll get you ten he blames Whitmore and claims he was an innocent bystander who owes his life to the good detective.”

Elliot scowled.  “He plays that card, Len, and I’m gonna go postal on his ass.”

“He plays that card, and I’ll stand back and watch.”   He jerked his head towards the observation room.  “Think we oughta go in there... see who he called and what he said?  I figure Munch is dying of curiosity to know what sort of information this jerk’s got on Hoffa.”

“Yeah, I noticed you threw that in there.  Gotta tell you – it was all I could do not to laugh.”  Then they walked into the observation room and looked at the three detectives looking back at them.

“So?”

“Hoffa?  Please, Lenny... everyone knows Jimmy Hoffa was cremated and made part of the Astroturf that was put in the Detroit Silverdome.  However, you might be interested to learn that the call our friend made was to the director of the DEA – the same director who accepted the call long enough to tell Claiborne he was on his own.  I think Hammond got to the director first and filled him in on the details of the case – including the mound of evidence we have against his agent.”

“How long you think we should let him sit in there?” watching the man become increasingly agitated.  Elliot crossed his arms over his chest and leaned back against the wall.

“As much as I’m enjoying watching him come apart in there, I’d like to get back to the hospital to check on Liv.” 

Briscoe nodded.  “All right, Stabler – you’re with me.  The rest of you....”

“Yeah, we know, Len,” Green assured him.  “Now go kick his ass.”  The two detectives headed back into the box where Robert Claiborne impatiently waited while the other three turned back to the window to watch things unfold.

Before Elliot opened the door, he turned to Lenny.  “Would you mind....?”

“Not at all... personally I’m surprised you waited this long.”  He motioned them forward.  “After you.”

Elliot went in first and crossed to the table, smiling maliciously when Robert flinched away from him before crossing his arms and giving Elliot a sullen look.  Briscoe took up a stance in the far corner of the room and crossed his arms as well.  Elliot put his hands on the table and leaned over.

“Now that you’ve had time to make your phone call... think it over a bit... do you have anything to say about the crimes you’ve been charged with as they’ve been presented to you so far?”

“I’m being set up; I’m completely innocent and being framed... probably by the NYPD.”

Elliot straightened.  “Why would we do that?  We have enough real criminals to worry about in this town without wasting time framing innocent people.  But I don’t care nearly as much about the drug charges as I do the rest of them - murder, attempted murder of a police officer, assault on a police officer....”  He let his voice trail off and gestured to the paper.  “There are several lesser charges as well, but those are the ones that bother me the most.  Do you know why?” his tone almost conversational but his eyes blazing anger.

“Because you’re a cop?” came the negligent answer, “And you think your life is more valuable than anyone else’s?”

Robert jerked his head back in response to the slap Elliot applied to either side of his head.  “I don’t like you and I don’t like your attitude.”

“That doesn’t mean you get to commit assault on me, Detective.  I haven’t done anything wrong and when I get out of here, I’m going to sue your ass for police brutality, assault and battery, unlawful imprisonment and any other charge I can come up with.”

Stabler straightened and looked at Briscoe.  “I haven’t seen any police brutality against this suspect.  Have you?”

“Not a thing.”

“Nice try,” Elliot smiled.  “Now... you want to tell me what could possibly be worth the death penalty?  Because that’s what the DA is gonna go for, you know – that attempted murder of a police officer pissed a lot of people off.  So why’d you do it, Robert?”

Claiborne shook his head.  “I didn’t do anything, Detective.  I’m innocent in all this, remember?  Detective Benson,” smiling, but gritting his teeth as he said her name, “saved my life.”

This time Elliot moved slowly enough Robert could see him coming but he still didn’t anticipate his actions.  Elliot kicked out swiftly and the chair underneath Robert went sailing across the room into the wall.  He dropped straight down, cracking his chin on the table and biting his tongue.  Elliot grabbed him by the hair and slammed his head into the table again before laying a forearm against the back of Robert’s neck and leaning all his weight against him.

“No, Bobby...” hissing in his ear.  “You’re not innocent.  You see, Liv’s good - she shot the driver, so things didn’t play out according to your plan.  We got the shooter alive and he’s singing like a bird to escape the death penalty.”

“You’d take the word of a criminal over me?”  Claiborne reached behind him with his free hand, but Elliot caught it and wrenched it up the middle of his back until Robert cried out in pain.

“You bet, Bobby-boy.  See, you went off and fucked around with my partner... you nearly got her killed.  Whitmore – he’s a stooge, just following orders.  But you... you had something personal against her, didn’t you?  Didn’t you??” throwing himself off Robert and crossing his arms as Robert slid to the floor – one hand covering the spot on his shoulder that a bullet had grazed.  He looked up at Elliot with hatred in his eyes.

“Yeah, I did – fucking bull dyke.  She ruined everything!  I had it all figured out and then she came along and screwed everything up!!  I wouldn’t be here now if it wasn’t for her!!”

Elliot moved to stand behind Claiborne and Lenny stepped forward and dropped into the chair across the table from him.  “How do you figure?”

Robert just glared and slumped more firmly on the floor.  “I don’t owe you an explanation.”

Elliot slammed the chair down beside him and jerked Robert to his feet, only to thump him into the seat and pin him in place with a strong hand on the damaged shoulder.  “You might want to rethink that attitude of yours, Bobby-boy.  I’ve been really nice to you so far; you don’t want to know what could happen if I get pissed off.  And you’re trying my patience.”

“Listen to him, Claiborne.  This is his partner we’re talking about – it can get a lot uglier.  She dies... I guarantee you it will.”

Elliot squeezed and Robert winced under the pressure.  “Talk, Bobby.  This is the last time I’m gonna ask you nicely.  Why did you arrange to have my partner killed?!?” his voice rising exponentially with each word.

“Because she was in my way.  She took Alexandra away from me, and Alex would have solved all my problems.  She had it all – money, respectability, connections.  I needed those to complete my assignment.  I thought she understood that and then Benson had to step in and fuck everything up.  I had to get her out of the picture.”

“So you...?” Lenny prodded.

“So I took care of it.  She couldn’t take a subtle hint, so I had to arrange for more direct action.  Bet she got the message this time.”  He didn’t see Elliot move, but Robert bit his tongue again when his head slapped against the table.  “Shit!”

“Let me make sure you get the message, asshole,” leaning all his weight on Claiborne’s wounded shoulder.  “You fucked up.  You should have walked away when you had the chance.  You were off the radar, man... totally free and clear as far as we were concerned, but you just couldn’t leave well enough alone.  And now you’re gonna die, man.  One way or other, you are going to die, and I for one am going to be happy to watch that.  You wanna know why?”

“You might wanna let him breathe if you expect him to actually give you an answer,” Briscoe pointed out drolly.  “Somehow I don’t think you want him to die of accidental asphyxiation.”

Elliot eased up but kept a firm hand on Claiborne’s back.  “You wanna know why, Bobby?” a little more conversationally.  Robert remained quiet and Elliot clapped him hard on the bad shoulder.  Elliot leaned forward.  “I’ll tell you why, because no one should die being as stupid as you are.  I’m going to be glad to watch you die because you couldn’t just walk away and let them be happy.  You had to make my partner a target.”

“Sounds like she may be more than a partner to you, Detective.   You sure you’re not wishing Alexandra had been the target instead?”

The punch was so hard it knocked Robert completely off the chair.  Elliot twisted his hands in his shirt and lifted him up, slamming Claiborne into the table so hard it rattled the window and Lenny jumped up and backed away from them before deciding it was time to pull Elliot off Claiborne.

“Olivia Benson is my partner and my best friend and I would never, EVER wish the kind of pain on her that taking Alex away from her would give her,” resisting Briscoe’s efforts to pull him away.  “I hope you burn so deep even Satan himself can’t find your ass.”  He slammed Robert’s head one more time, then pulled away from Lenny’s grabbing hands.  “I’m all right, Len,” holding his hands up.

“You sure?”

“Yeah, can you finish this?  I wanna go check on Liv and Alex.”

“Yeah, we can cover this.  You go on; we’ll stop by later... let you know how it goes.”

“Thanks, Len.  I appreciate it.”  Then Elliot left without a backward glance.  Briscoe clapped Claiborne on the back and gestured to the chair he’d pushed back to the table.

“Have a seat, buddy – we’ve still got work to do.”

************

“Ms Cabot?  Ms Cabot?”  Alex slowly opened her eyes and blinked dazedly around the room before coming to rest on Olivia’s face.  She stroked the soft skin, willing the beautiful brown eyes to open to no avail.  “Ms Cabot?” forcing Alex’s attention away from Olivia and to the voice calling her.  She turned slightly and found the doctor looking back at her.

“Doctor?”

Timmons smiled at her.  “Good morning, Ms Cabot.  I’m getting ready to go off-duty, but I wanted to check on Ms Benson.”

“And?”

“I firmly believe she’ll pull through, Ms Cabot.  The blood she received last night stabilized her and the coma we induced this morning will let her body repair itself with less stress.  Dr. Richmond will be assuming her care now.”

“Thank you, Dr. Timmons.  You saved her life... and mine.”

“No, Ms Cabot... I just put her back together.  Your friends gave us the tools we needed, but you saved her life.”  He paused and looked at his hands.  “I can’t say you’ve changed my mind, but you have made me think.  I hope... well, let’s just say I hope things work out.”

“Maybe one day you will even be glad you met us.”

“Maybe one day,” he agreed.  “Good luck to you both.”

“Thank you, Doctor.”  Alex laid her head back down by Olivia’s, wincing as muscles unaccustomed to such awkward positioning protested their continued mistreatment.  Alex ignored them as she rubbed her thumb over Liv’s wrist and spoke to her in low tones.  Dr. Timmons stopped at the door and looked back at them for a long moment.  Then he turned and headed out of the hospital.

Elizabeth was just coming in as he stepped out the door and she nearly bowled him over.  “Oh... my apologies, Doctor.  I wasn’t looking....”

“It’s all right, Mrs. Cabot.  In truth, I wasn’t paying much attention myself.  Can I help you with anything?”

“No thank you, Doctor.  There’s not much here.  I was actually just putting my phone away and forgot to look where I was going.  Is everything all right?”

“Yes, Mrs. Cabot, and I’ve turned over the care of your daughter’s... of Ms Benson to Dr. Richmond.  She’s the best internist on our staff.  I’m sure Ms Benson will receive excellent care from her.”

“Did it really bother you so badly, Doctor, to have to treat someone who sees the world differently than you do, that you would simply hand off her care as soon as possible?”

“Mrs. Cabot, I realize you are a rich and powerful woman, but I resent the implication that I would allow my personal feelings to interfere with my treatment of a patient.  The fact is I am a trauma doctor – I ceased being Detective Benson’s doctor as soon as she was transferred from the trauma ward.  Just because I do not agree with their relationship does not mean I won’t do my job; I went out of my way for them.  So please do not accuse me of bigotry or misconduct, especially when you don’t have all the facts.”

Elizabeth Cabot had the grace to blush.  “I’m sorry, Doctor.  You’re absolutely right.  I didn’t mean to come across so accusatory.  I just want....”

“You just want what is best for you daughter; for everyone to accept her and Ms Benson for who they are as people and what they are to each other.  I can understand that.  But you can’t force people to be accepting or open-minded, and you certainly can’t hope for a lifetime’s mindset to change overnight.  Be thankful they have given me something to think about without pushing it into my face.  I have a lot of thinking to do because of them.  And I apologize for being so short and abrupt.  It has been a very long shift for me.  I need some sleep.”

“Maybe not today, as I think you probably want to get home and I need to go check on Alexandra and Olivia, but perhaps one day you will allow me to take you to breakfast to make up for my hasty words.  They really were completely uncalled for and I can only plead exhaustion.”

Dr. Timmons hesitated then pulled a card from his pocket.  “I imagine you’re going to be here quite a bit over the next few days.  I’m off tonight, but when Ms Benson is out of the woods in a few days, give me a call.  We can go have coffee and maybe even a bit of adult conversation.”

“As opposed to....”

“’God, I am so tired my eyelashes hurt’ conversation.”

Elizabeth laughed.  “I know how that feels and I like the sound of some adult conversation.  I think I would enjoy that very much.”

“Good,” Dr. Timmons said firmly.  “Now go see your daughter and see if you can get her to at least take a nap on the couch in that lovely private room.  She’s not going to be able to walk in a day or two otherwise.”

Then he headed out to the parking lot and Elizabeth watched him go.  She shook her head in disbelief at the whole bizarre encounter, and made her way into the hospital to take care of her daughter by birth and her daughter by choice. 

God, it felt good to have a family to care about again – even when it was as scary as hell.  She wondered how the rest of the extended family was doing and how long it would be before they started showing up here.  Elizabeth walked faster.  She wanted to get Alex taken care of first.  Then together, they could worry about the rest.


Chapter XXIX

Three days passed – three days where Alex didn’t move from Olivia’s side except when her mother or Kathy forced her to lay on the couch briefly or take a quick shower.  Three days watching Olivia breathe steadily in and out, unmoving.  Three days learning the hard way what it meant to be a police officer’s wife and praying it was the only time she would ever experience this part of cop life.

Alex had met Dr. Richmond early that first morning – Hi, I’m Dr. Virginia Richmond, and yes, my parents did indeed exercise a warped sense of humor when they named me – she said by way of introduction.  Alex found she liked Dr. Richmond very much, and the woman was never too busy to answer questions or soothe whatever concerns Alex had about Olivia’s care and treatment.  Better, she had no underlying issues with them as a soon-to-be-wed couple and that made it easier on Alex.

Elizabeth had collected clean clothing for Alex as she had promised and at Alex’s request, had also brought along their diaries.  Alex spent hours every day reading to Olivia from them, knowing that the sound of her voice was important to Liv’s recovery and determined to do her part.

Kathy spent a number of hours with them as well, understanding better than most Alex’s need for silent support though there were any number of other visitors as well – some more surprising than others.  Arthur and his wife stopped by; Lena Petrovsky and her husband; Liz Donnelly, Jack McCoy and a number of officers and detectives Alex wasn’t personally acquainted with and a lot of them she was.  Their most surprising visitor was Abbie Carmichael, who showed up at the hospital on Saturday evening with Lenny Briscoe and Ed Green.

They made small talk for a few moments, then Elliot excused himself to speak to the two detectives, correctly surmising they had something of interest to share.  By a quirk of fate, Kathy and Elizabeth had left a short time earlier to pick up some dinner for them, and that left Abbie and Alex alone with Olivia.

“How is she?” Abbie’s voice husky and her Southern twang more in evidence than ever before.

“The doctors are optimistic, but she’s going to have to remain in the coma for several days.”

“And how are you?”

“I’m all right,” Alex replied almost too quickly.  Abbie just raise an eyebrow at her response.

“C’mon, Alex... this is me you’re talking to.  We may have been rivals, but we were also friends.  And I haven’t been gone so long I don’t remember how special Liv is or how much you wanted her even way back when.  Don’t try to deny it, Cabot.  I live in a town full of politicians – I know how to read these things and I’ve learned to have a long, long memory for secrets like this.”

“God, Abbie... what do you want me to say?!  I’m terrified of losing her, all right?  Is that what you wanted to hear??”  There was a noticeable elevation in Liv’s vital signs and both Abbie and Alex turned and looked at Olivia.  Abbie wrapped an arm around Alex’s shoulders.

“Shh... I’m sorry, Alex.  I shouldn’t have pushed so hard.  Obviously Liv is very in touch with your emotions.  I just don’t want you to hide behind that Cabot façade you’re so good at, all right?”

“I won’t, Abbie.  Besides, when did you become a psychiatrist?”

“Living in DC qualifies me – they’re all head cases.”

Alex chuckled and rested her head on Abbie’s shoulder and it was quiet for a number of minutes before Alex sat back up and looked into Abbie’s eyes, knowing she couldn’t lie this close.  “So why are you really here, Abbie?  Oh, I know you and Liv were really good friends once upon a time, but it’s not like you’ve been in touch recently... at least not since I returned.  So what’s the real story?”

“You’re too damn smart for your own good, Cabot.  I’m here to deal with Robert Claiborne and Nicholas Rivera.”

Alex held up her hands.  “I don’t want to know – not right now.  Maybe when Liv is awake and doing better, but not right now.”

Whatever response Abbie was going to make was lost in Elizabeth’s return.  Instead she said, “I need to go for now.  The detectives should be done explaining the situation to Elliot.  But I’ll be back to see you both before I leave.”  Then she disappeared out the door, leaving a flummoxed Alex and Elizabeth to regard each other soberly, wondering what the hell was really going on.

************

On the fourth morning, Dr. Richmond came in the room with a smile on her face – it made Alex instantly suspicious.  Virginia placed a calming hand on her arm.  "Alex, relax.  I'm here to take Olivia out of her coma.  I'm very pleased with her progress and how well she's healing.  It's time to bring her back to you.  Now," the doctor went on more seriously, "you need to understand that she is going to be in some rather intense pain and she may be a little disoriented for a while – it's perfectly natural.  You just keep doing whatever you've been doing because it seems to be helping."

Alex nodded watched as Dr. Richmond slid into place across from her and began removing one set of IV tubing from Olivia's arm.  "It could take a little time before she actually wakes up.  I'm just removing the medicine we were using to keep her in a coma.  Depends on her metabolism as to how quickly the remainder of it cycles through her system."

Alex nodded again, but didn't take her eyes off of Olivia's face.  She didn't want to miss the moment Liv woke up – because despite the reassurances of two doctors and numerous friends and colleagues, Alex wasn't completely confident of Liv's recovery and wouldn't be until she was safely out of the hospital and home again.  So she watched and waited.  And Elizabeth watched and waited from the other side of the door, knowing Alex needed to greet Olivia's return in private.

Some time passed before brown eyes fluttered open, only to slam shut immediately.  Alex took her cue and flipped the lights off before moving to stand at Olivia's side once more, gently tangling her fingers through the matted brown hair.

"Liv... Sweetheart – open your eyes.  Let me see you."

Olivia tried to speak, but her voice came out as a whispered croak.  Alex rubbed some of the ice chips the nurse had left over Liv's lips, then spooned them into her mouth when they parted.  "'Lex?"  blinking again and looking up blearily into bloodshot blue eyes.  "Hurts...."

"I know, Baby... I'm sorry.  It's going to hurt for some time to come.  But I am so, so glad to see you again.  Welcome back."

"Wha'... how...." she closed her eyes as thinking became too difficult and Alex soothed her tenderly, stroking her face and speaking in low tones.

"Shh," she admonished.  "It doesn't matter now.  The important thing is you're back with us and we're going to focus on getting you well.  I promise you'll get the whole story soon."

Olivia nodded, a bare motion Alex was aware of only because one hand was resting on Liv's face.  "Love...."

Alex leaned down and kissed Olivia's lips, then her eyelids before resting her forehead against Liv's.  "Oh Sweetheart... I love you too – so much.  Now you rest a little bit.  I'll be right here when you wake up."  Olivia nodded again and her breathing quickly evened out in the healing rhythm of sleep.

Only when she was sure Olivia was asleep again did Alex move away from her – only then did she curl up on the couch that had been her only source of rest in the four nights she'd stayed in this room and cry.  Alex never even heard her mother come in; she tried to pull away and hide her tears when Elizabeth wrapped Alex in a hug.  But Elizabeth held onto her and Alex eventually relaxed into her touch and cried away days and nights of terror, pain and frustration.  It was a healing catharsis.

"Thank you," she said raspily as her tears abated.  Elizabeth kissed the top of her head.

"I know it wasn't always true, and I wasn't always there for you like I should have been Alexandra, but I'm glad I can be a real mother to you now.  She's going to be all right, you know.  I've never met a stronger woman than she is, except for possibly yourself."

"I don't feel very strong right now."

"I'm sure – it's been a very long few days for both of you.  But it's going to get better... you'll see.   You have a new apartment to finish decorating together and a wedding to plan... a honeymoon to take.  And that is just the beginning.  You have the rest of your lives to spend together.  Maybe you're just hitting the bumps early to get them out of the way."

"God, I hope so.  We'll end up black and blue otherwise."

Elizabeth chuckled.  "Are you feeling any better?"

Alex cocked her head.  "Actually, yes," she said with a note of surprise in her voice.

"Well then... I have some phone calls to make and you have a nap to take – no arguments, Alexandra.  On the off chance Olivia wakes again before you do, I will awaken you.  Otherwise, you'll do as your mother says this time, please."

Alex closed her eyes and rubbed her temples.  "Actually, that sounds great.  I can't remember the last time I was this exhausted.  You'll be right here?"

"I won't leave the room... I promise."  Elizabeth slid out from under Alex and laid her down, picking her feet up and tucking her into the makeshift bed.  "Now go to sleep.  I don't want Olivia upset at me for not taking care of you properly.

"Night, Mom," Alex said drowsily as her eyes fluttered closed.  Elizabeth watched her fondly as her breathing slowed and deepened.  Then she moved to the chair beside the bed and picked up the phone, dialing Elliot first.

************

"Thanks, Elizabeth... bye."  He hung up the phone and turned to his expectantly waiting detective friends.  "Well, Liv woke up very briefly this morning.  Alex was the only one in the room with her at the time, but Elizabeth talked to the doctor for a while.  They expect her to make a full recovery and if things continue to go well she should only be in the hospital another week or so."

"I don't envy the one who has to explain that to Liv... we know how much she enjoys being 'cooped up' in the hospital."

"Who's telling her about Claiborne?"

"Abbie volunteered," Elliot replied, leaning back in his chair.  "But I promised her I'd go with her.  I can't believe they let that little shit cut a deal."

"Me either, though I don't 'spect it'll help his sorry ass none."

"You know something?" Munch asked, turning his head toward Fin.

"Nothin' definite, but Claiborne broke the code – on both sides.  Code breakers don't live long in prison... even in solitary.  Rivera will have him put down and it'll be traced back to a government agency – mark it, my man."

Elliot held up his hand.  "Don't need to, Fin.  You say so, I believe you.  I just hope they make him suffer like a sonovabitch before they finally kill him."

"Not to worry... word on the street is Rivera is big on pain and suffering.  Makes folks more compliant and easier to keep in order."

"Hey, did we ever get anything on those rape/murders... on the street, I mean?  We know there is no physical evidence against anyone."

"Nothing but rumor, and now there won't be that even.  Rivera will drop off the scope til the heat dies down and by the time he resurfaces, the rumors will be gone and the DEA will be hunting new game."

"So no matter what Claiborne says or does at this point...."

"He's a dead man.  It's just watching how he goes down and who he takes with him."

The phone rang a second time and Munch picked it up.  "All right... I'll tell him.  Bye, Ms Carmichael."  Elliot and Fin both raised an eyebrow in his direction and waited.  "Claiborne's dead," he said without ceremony.  "Guards found him hung by the neck in his cell this morning.  Apparently, he hung himself."

"But...."

"I'm not buying it.  It's a little too convenient."

"You think Rivera had it done somehow?"

Munch nodded.  "Yep.  I figure Claiborne was his last loose end.   Now he's gone by apparent suicide – Rivera comes out of all this smelling like a rose.  Because we all know whatever evidence Claiborne might have been able to offer died with him."

"Did Carmichael offer any reason why the director was so boss about hangin' Claiborne out to dry?  I got the feelin' it was whacked."

Elliot shrugged.  "Best she could figure was a combination of things.  Apparently, Claiborne was very deep into the illegal side of Rivera's business – drugs, gun running, you name it – as part of the organization.  That would have been all right if he hadn't been lying to the director and Hammond about it.  Rivera has evidence that proves beyond a doubt that Claiborne was the top dog of the entire illegal organization and that he was using Rivera's honest business concerns to front for him and launder his dirty money.  He wanted to do the same with Alex's name and connections."

"Well, I'm glad he's dead.  He was a skank and not good for our favorite bureau chief.  She and Liv fit."

"True that," Fin agreed.  "Though I'm bettin' Liv's gonna be pissed she missed makin' him suffer for what he did to her and Alex."

"Maybe," Elliot agreed, "but I imagine she is gonna be so focused on Alex it won't be more than a passing thought.  Speaking of...." turning to look at Munch, "what's the deal with the wedding?  This gonna push it back?"

Munch shook his head and lifted his palms.  "I dunno... I don't know.  Elizabeth and I haven't had a chance to talk about it.  I guess it'll depend on Liv and Alex and how Liv's recovery goes.  The arrangements are very simple so they don't need to decide for a couple more weeks."

"You sure you wouldn't rather be a wedding planner, Munch?  You seem to have the knack."

"Maybe when I retire, my friend.  It's gotta beat being a bar owner – especially if it's a cop bar."

Fin held up his hand.  "Don't start," he commanded.  "We've got work to do."  He looked at Elliot.  "You gonna go see Liv?"

He checked his watch.  "I need to call Abbie first.  Then yeah.  Alex needs to know what is going on even if Liv isn't awake."

"Stabler, my office," Cragen called out across the precinct.  Munch and Fin exchanged glances and turned back to their work.  Elliot stepped into Cragen's office and closed the door before sitting down at the captain's insistence. 

"What's up, Cap?"

"I want you to work with Agent Hammond to collect all the evidence from Rivera's house."

"Cap?  Doesn't that fall under narcotics?"

"Usually, yes... but you're looking for evidence on those fifteen rape/murders as well as that body in Brooklyn that targeted Olivia.  I'm not too concerned about the rest, but I would like to close those... especially the Brooklyn murder.  That one was personal."

"All right, Cap... when?  I need to call Abbie and go over to the hospital."  Cragen shook his head.

"No... this is a priority.  This has to be done first.  Carmichael will stick around as long as is necessary, and Olivia will probably sleep for the next day or two.  I talked to the doctor just a few minutes ago.  I know she and Alex need to know what is going on, but this is more important."

Elliot grit his teeth.  "I don't think so, Cap.  I think they deserve to know the truth now.  They've earned the right to some answers."

"I'm not disagreeing with you, Detective.  I'm just saying they’re going to have to wait.  You and Carmichael can go to the hospital as soon as you are done helping Agent Hammond.  Now get on it, Detective – find that evidence and get it back here as quickly as possible.  That's an order."

"Sir, yes sir," Elliot mocked before rising and opening the door, not surprised to find Agent Jack Hammond standing in the doorway.

"You ready, Detective Stabler?"  Elliot brushed by him to snatch his jacket from the back of his chair.

"Let's go," he said on his way out the door.  Hammond sighed and followed slowly.  He had a feeling it was going to be a long day.

************

Alex blinked opened her eyes slowly, realizing almost immediately that she was no longer alone in the room with Olivia and starting violently when she recognized who the visitor was.  Nicholas Rivera held out his hands in a conciliatory gesture, but otherwise didn't move, sitting comfortably relaxed in the chair that had been brought in for Elizabeth's use.  Alex scrubbed her face, trying to jumpstart her brain to what was going on.  Rivera waited patiently for her to look at him again, his hands folding in his lap.  Alex cleared her throat.

"Mr. Rivera?  Is there something I can help you with?" feeling the surrealness of the entire situation.

Rivera smiled gently.  "Not at all, Ms Cabot.   I just wanted to be sure you and your detective were going to be all right and to ensure that you knew that as far as I’m concerned, you and I were equally used and fooled by the same evil man.  I sincerely hope this will be the last time our paths cross."

"So do I... no offence."

He nodded, satisfied, and rose from the chair.  "None taken, but in that case, Ms Cabot, I will take my leave of you.  First, however, allow me to wish you and your companion much happiness together."  He didn't offer her his hand, which Alex was secretly thankful for, not sure that she should accept it.  She watched him walk out the door, wondering what had happened while she'd been asleep.  Then she noticed the brown eyes looking back sleepily at her and nothing else mattered.

"Hey, Beautiful... how do you feel?" crossing to stand by the bed, offering Liv some ice chips.

Olivia blinked.  "Sore... tired... confused... grungy," taking several breaths between words.

Alex smiled and combed her fingers through dirty hair.  "Well, I might be able to help with the confused and grungy parts, but I'm afraid you're going to be sore and tired for a little bit longer.  Let's get the nurse in here and...."  A hand on her arm caused Alex to stop talking and look back into Olivia's dark eyes.  "What, Sweetheart?"

"Was that Nicholas Rivera in here?"

"Yes, but don't ask why; I'm not sure I know yet.  As soon as I get a chance to process it, I'll let you know.  But I think it is good for us – you and me.  Now let me see if we can get a nurse in here so we can clean you up."

Olivia smiled weakly.  "Only if you're doing the cleaning."

Alex smiled and kissed her forehead.  "Absolutely," pressing the call button.  Almost immediately a nurse arrived, followed by the doctor and Elizabeth.  Dr. Richmond nodded her agreement to Alex’s request and Elizabeth stepped back out of the room, not wanting Olivia to be uncomfortable with her presence while she was being examined.  Alex chanced to wonder where she'd gone that Nicholas Rivera had been given the opportunity to come in, then turned her attention back to Olivia as the doctor started checking Liv from top to bottom and several spots in between.

The nurse returned with two basins of warm water and disappeared again to retrieve the rest of her supplies.  Then she took a position opposite of the doctor, forcing Alex to move to Olivia’s head.  Neither Alex or Liv minded the move though – it allowed them to focus on each other and for Olivia that was a blessing.  Dr. Richmond and the nurse worked in tandem while checking the incision and the various nicks and scrapes Olivia had acquired and removing most of the extraneous equipment she was still attached to.  When Virginia was satisfied, she nodded to the nurse who left and then turned to the two women whose attention remained on each other.  She cleared her throat delicately and two sets of eyes turned her direction.  Dr. Richmond smiled at them.

“Well, everything looks very good; I’m extremely pleased with your progress and healing, Detective.  Tomorrow we will get you up and start you walking.  I’ll order a soft foods diet for you until I think you’re ready for more solid food... at least another day or two.”

“How soon can I go home?” Liv asked, her voice rough and raspy.

Dr. Richmond smiled.  Alex had warned her about Olivia’s lack of love for hospitals and doctors – not that it was unusual for police officers especially to feel that way.  “That depends on you, Detective.  The sooner you’re able to walk around without pain and keep down solid food, the quicker I can release you to go home.  However,” placing a hand on Olivia’s shoulder before she could move more than an inch, “we’ll start that regimen tomorrow.  I want you to rest a little more; eat a little food; take baby steps.  You’ll get there, Detective; we just want you to do so with as little residual issue as possible.”

Olivia sighed and nodded.

“Good,” Virginia agreed.  “Now... I think Ms Cabot asked to give you a bath so I’ll leave you to it.”  She turned to Alex.  “Hit the call button if you need help or when you get finished so Elizabeth knows it’s safe to come in again.”  She walked to the door and paused.  “I want to make sure she’s all right as well.  She came out of your room fairly quickly.”  Then the doctor left and Alex and Olivia exchanged glances before Alex moved to help Liv situate herself.

“God, that hurts,” Liv groaned as she shifted.

“We don’t have to do this now, Liv.”

“No, Alex.  I wanna be clean.  Actually, I’d like to take a shower.”

“Maybe tomorrow,” Alex soothed.  “I think Dr. Richmond would have mentioned if that was an option.  Besides, you wouldn’t deny me the opportunity to be your nurse would you?” smiling seductively at Olivia and blinking big blue eyes. 

“That’s not very fair,” Olivia pouted.  “I was prepared to argue with you.”

Alex gave her a full grin before pulling the pillow from behind Olivia’s head and wetting it in preparation to shampoo it.  “Now you know my real secret of success,” soaping her hands and running them through Liv’s dark locks.  Olivia moaned in sincere appreciation of Alex’s skill.

“That feels wonderful,” she said, closing her eyes in relief and simply abandoning herself to the pleasure of Alex’s gentle touch.  “Thank you for being here, Alex.  No one has ever taken care of me and made me feel like you do.”

“Nowhere else I’d rather be, Detective,” carefully rinsing all the soap from Liv’s hair and wrapping it in a towel.  “And the feeling is definitely mutual.  Let me know if I start hurting you, all right?”

It was a little awkward, but Alex managed quite well, all things considered, and Olivia felt much better than she had.  Then Alex pushed the call button and waited for the parade of people she expected to wander in.  She wasn’t disappointed.

Two nurses came in to provide Olivia with fresh sheets and a third carried a tray that held chicken broth, mashed potatoes and jello.  Liv grimaced in Alex’s direction.  The nurses moved and shifted Olivia around until she was biting her lip and sweating viciously before they were done making the bed.  Alex wiped her face tenderly, then grabbed the comb Elizabeth had brought, hoping to distract her from the renewed pain she found herself in.  Elizabeth stood to one side once the nurses left and helped her breathe, holding her hand and forcing Liv to focus on her counting.

Finally Alex was done and Olivia was as relaxed as she was going to be.  Then Elizabeth looked at Alex with one hand on her hip.  “Would you like to tell me who the man was who had me escorted out of this room a little while ago?”

“Nicholas Rivera,” she responded dryly.  “Would you like to tell me why you went?”

“Because it was better to walk out of here under my own power on the pretext of getting coffee than it was to make a scene that could have gotten all of us hurt.  He was quite the gentleman in asking, but it was made clear to me that my presence would not be tolerated either.”

“You made the right decision – it was just a little disconcerting to wake up with him in the room.”

“Is everything okay?”  The question came from Elizabeth, but Alex turned to look at Olivia.  Elizabeth stepped to the couch, out of immediate sight but not out of hearing.

“I think so.  He said all debts had been settled between us.  I think that chapter of my life is finally closed.”

“Good,” Liv said as firmly as she could manage.  “It’ll be nice to officially start our life together with a clean slate.”

“Very clean,” Alex agreed.  “I’m more convinced now than ever that you and Janet are right... about my job situation.  I’m going to take some time off – see if I can find something that fits me... with the person I am now.  There’s a lot of adjusting... and readjusting... I need to do – things that got pushed to the side in my haste to come home and jump right back into a persona I’m not sure is mine anymore.  I think I just need a little time to be Alex – figure out who that really is.”

Olivia squeezed her hand.  “Take all the time you need, Sweetheart.  I’m not going anywhere.”

“Except home with me as soon as I can get you out of here.  Because if there is one sure thing I know about Alex, it’s that she and Olivia belong together.  Now eat up.  You heard what Dr. Richmond said.  And I’ve got serious plans for you when we get you out of here.”

It took a little while, but there was nothing left when Olivia finally declared herself finished.


Chapter XXX

Visiting hours were almost over when a light knocking sounded outside the room.  Alex and Olivia looked at one another just as the door opened and Abbie stuck her head in before pushing the door wider to allow both her and Elliot entrance to Liv’s room.  Liv blinked before allowing a wide grin to cross her face.  Abbie took it as an invitation and crossed to gingerly wrap Olivia up in a hug.

“You’re looking a little better than the last time I saw you,” Abbie commented, dropping a kiss on the top of Liv’s dark head.  “How are you feeling?”

“Tired... really sore.  What are you doing here?”

“Somebody had to deal with the Claiborne situation.  I volunteered when I heard what had happened to you.  Had to find out what happened to my best girl, didn’t I?” ignoring Alex’s glare.  “Didn’t anyone teach you to how to duck?”

“Yeah... Elliot,” cutting her eyes in her partner’s direction.  Abbie laughed and Elliot pushed her out of the way to stand at Olivia’s side.

“Don’t you blame me for your lack of coordination,” kissing her forehead like he was taking her temperature.  “I taught you better than that.  Not my fault you’re too damned slow.”

“Be nice to me, Elliot.  I’m hurt.”  Olivia shifted and grimaced.  “And these beds aren’t helping a whole lot.  I’ll be so glad to get outta here.”

“Any idea when that might be?”

“At least a few more days.  The doc wants to be sure there aren’t any complications.”

“Good,“ Elliot agreed.  “We want you back well.”

“So why are you two really here?” after a brief pause.  “Because if it was just to visit, you would have come earlier,” Alex pointed out as she tried to make Olivia more comfortable.

“Actually, we’d have been here earlier if the Cap hadn’t sent me out with Hammond to collect evidence against Claiborne and see if there was anything the DEA could use to catch Rivera.”

“And?”

“Well, we’ve got evidence to tie Claiborne to those fifteen rape/murders that happened across the boroughs as well as the murder that was aimed at you.”

“But...?”

Abbie took over.  “Robert Claiborne was found dead in his cell this morning... an apparent suicide.  Closer examination showed his suicide was aided by one or more persons.  There were a number of bruises on his torso and Warner did a rush on the tox screen once she found them – Claiborne had some sort of acid injected into his veins.”

“How in the hell...?”

Abbie held up her hand to Alex and shrugged her shoulders.  “Homicide is investigating, but I don’t expect a lot to come of it.  The general feeling is Claiborne got the kind of justice he deserved.”

“What about Rivera?”

“He’s clean – there wasn’t one shred of evidence in Claiborne’s possession to show that Rivera is anything other than the honest businessman he purports himself to be.  Claiborne managed to completely screw the DEA’s case against Rivera; they will be years trying to recover from this debacle.  The only one they can charge for anything at the moment is their own dead agent.”

“Well, that explains why Rivera made the comment he did about our paths never crossing again.”

Elliot straightened and Abbie couldn’t stop the look of consternation that crossed her face as realization of what Alex meant dawned on her.  “Rivera was here?”

“Yes... he stopped by earlier today.  He basically indicated that things were square between us.  I for one am happy to let him go just to have a semblance of normality in my life again.”

“You don’t mean that,” Abbie accused.  “What happened to the crusading Alex Cabot I remember?”

Alex’s eyes flamed and Abbie forced herself not to take a step back.  “She spent three years in witness protection!  Nearly losing everyone and everything that means anything to you tends to change your outlook!”  Alex would have continued but Olivia reached up and twined their hands together, forcing Alex’s attention solely on her.

Without losing Alex’s gaze, Olivia answered Abbie.  “It doesn’t matter, Abbie.  The Feds will get him or they won’t.  He’s not our fight.”

“You’re serious.” Abbie said flatly.

“We paid our dues already!  No more!” Alex said heatedly.  “If you don’t like it, Carmichael, you can go to hell!”

Abbie held up her hands and moved around the bed to put an arm around Alex’s thin shoulders.  “I live there, Alex, remember?  I’m in Washington, DC making deals with the devil... how much closer can I get?” wincing when her levity didn’t even garner her a twinkle.  “I’m sorry, Alex... you’re absolutely right.  Rivera really isn’t your problem.  I’ve just never known you to walk away from something like this before.”  She looked into blue eyes and understood with sudden clarity just how much they had aged.  “I guess being away took more out of you than I realized.”

“I’m sorry, too, Abbie,” rubbing her eyes but refusing to relax again.  “I’m just a little tired.”

“C’mon, Cabot... let me tuck you in before Elliot and I leave.”  Abbie drew Alex over to the couch and eased her down.  Elliot stepped closer to the bed, pulling Olivia’s attention away from Alex. 

“You gonna be all right, Liv?”

She focused on Alex once more, watching as she allowed Abbie to tuck her in.  Then she looked back at Elliot.  “I hope so, El.  This has been real hard on her.  Can we be sure it’s finally over?”

“As sure as we can be of anything, Liv.  Cabot attracts attention and Rivera doesn’t want that.  He has nothing to lose by walking away now.  His power base is weak, but with Claiborne gone and his organization gone underground, he has all the time he needs to build things back up.  If the DEA is good, they’ll catch him before he gets that strong.  If they don’t, it’s not our issue.”

“You ever think we’ve gotten too jaded to keep doing this job?” shifting and wincing with the movement.

“Some days... yeah, I do – especially on days when we have to deal with everybody else’s shit.  We have enough of our own.”  He pulled the cover up and tucked her in, much like Abbie had done for Alex.  “For what it’s worth... I think we’re done dealing with DEA shit for a while.  Hammond has been called back to Washington, and with a little luck, we won’t hear from him if he comes back.  Now,” smoothing her hair back, “close your eyes and go to sleep.  I know it’s gonna be a while before you’re healed enough to hit the streets again, but the sooner you get started, the better.”

“Yes, Dad,” Olivia smirked at him though her eyes remained closed.  Abbie had already crossed to the door, dimming the lights and waiting for Elliot to join her.  As Stabler turned to go, Olivia caught his hand.  He gently squeezed hers and waited.  She opened her eyes briefly. “Thanks, El,” was all she said.

“Anytime, Partner.”  Then he and Abbie escaped out the door and down the corridor before anyone could question their presence in the hospital at this late hour.

************

The next few days went swiftly for Olivia and Alex.  Olivia was up as often as she could manage, determined to prove to Dr. Richmond that she was ready to be released.  On Friday, at Liv’s behest Alex went back to work, wanting to tie up her loose ends and give Arthur her notice.  While she was gone, Arthur came to the hospital to talk to Olivia.

The authoritative knock made Olivia’s eyebrow arch; usually she got a light tap followed by a head being poked into her room.  When no head followed, her second brow climbed into her hairline and she called out, “Come in?”  Only then did Arthur Branch open the door and step into the room, looking around before settling his gaze on Olivia who was casually dressed in NYPD PT gear.  She was sweating and appeared tired.

“Detective Benson... is now a good time?”

Olivia tried to straighten and grimaced when she moved wrong.  Instead she gestured to the couch.  “Please, have a seat; what can I do for you?”

He sat.  “First of all, my name is Arthur, Olivia.  I thought we had settled that between us before, but I’ve noticed you try to avoid addressing me at all costs.  I’d like it if you felt you could call me by my name.”

“All right... Arthur.”

He slapped his knees.  “Good... now that we have that settled... again – how are you doing?”

Olivia blinked, feeling discomfited.  “Um... a little better, actually.  Ready to go home.”

Branch smiled.  “I think everyone feels that way when they’re stuck here.  It’s not like room service at the Ritz.”

Liv nodded, feeling more awkward by the second.  Arthur Branch was still not a real part of her circle of friends and even though they were theoretically on the same side of the law, there had been many instances when his side and her side clashed.  And unlike Alex, who made it a point not to be strictly tied to the social class she’d been born into, Arthur Branch lived in those same circles as part of who he was and the job he did.

“I’m sorry, det... Olivia.  It isn’t my intention to make you uncomfortable.  I’m here, aside from legitimate concern for you, because I am deeply troubled about Alexandra.”  He looked at Olivia, but her skill at waiting was developed from years of stakeouts.  Branch realized he could wait for days if she didn’t want to make a comment, so he continued speaking.

“You know why she was originally offered the position of Bureau Chief just as you’re aware that particular reason no longer exists.  I think you should also understand that she would have been offered something similar had she come back home without strings.  She’s a damn fine lawyer and someone I was always glad to have as part of my team.”

“But...?” Olivia prompted.  “C’mon, Mister... I’m sorry – Arthur.  You and I have been through this before; you’re talking to the wrong person.”  She knew her next session of physical therapy was coming soon and she was hoping to rest a little before that happened.  Branch took the hint.

“I don’t think I am, Olivia... not in this case.  Her heart isn’t in it – not anymore.  I’ve watched, waiting to see that spark... that fire and passion for the law that she used to have, but I haven’t found it.  Maybe if I had put her back in SVU or major cases... I don’t know.  Don’t get me wrong – she’s been great with those kids; performed miracles with a few of them.  But it’s obvious to me at least that it isn’t where she wants to be.”

“What do you want me to tell you?  Arthur, no matter what else, this is Alex’s business – not yours until she comes to you with it unless it is affecting her job performance, and not mine unless she’s at risk.”

He clasped his hands together and leaned on his knuckles.  “Olivia, can I tell you a secret?”  He looked at her steadily and waited for her nod before he continued.  “I may have to go back to Washington in the not too distant future.  Some issues have arisen that could possibly require my attention for an extended period of time, and I was hoping to appoint Alexandra in my place.”

Olivia’s eyes widened.  Before Velez, Alex would have jumped at the chance to be the district attorney, even for a brief tenure.  Now, however....

“What about Jack McCoy?”

“Jack has other ambitions and frankly, as selfish as it’s going to sound, appointing Alexandra Cabot - with her good looks, social standing and ‘hero appeal’ – will bring much better press than putting in someone like Jack McCoy.  Technically, she is a step above Jack in the DA’s office so that puts her in line for this particular job first, regardless of her relative youth.”

Olivia ran a hand through her hair.  Of all things she’d been expecting, this kind of news wasn’t even in her top hundred.  “When will you know if you’re needed in Washington?”

Branch shrugged.  “It could be weeks; it could be months; it could be never.  It depends on how the situation down there plays out.”

“One piece of advice... wait until you know you have to go and when before you talk to Alex, all right?”

Arthur held her gaze for a long moment before nodding his head and standing.  “Is there anything I can do for you, Olivia?”

“Unless you can talk the doc into letting me out of here early....”

“I don’t think so,” he replied candidly.  “I want Alexandra on my side and somehow I think that would land both of us in the doghouse.  But if you like, I’ll bring real food over for you later.  God knows there’s only so much hospital food even an iron stomach can tolerate and I need to talk to Alexandra anyway.  I actually expected to find her here.”

“I sent her to work.  I’m supposed to be in therapy three times today and she needed the distraction.  She’s been cooped up here for a week.”

“I’ll come by later then.  I hope you’re out of here soon, Olivia.”

“Thanks, Arthur... me too,” closing her eyes as the door shut behind him.  She hoped Alex caught him at the office before they both left for the day.  That was her last conscious thought until she felt the physical therapist shaking her awake for her next PT session.

************

Elliot poked his nose in Liv’s room a short time later, frowning when he found it empty.  He stopped a passing nurse who looked at her watch before answering.  “Oh, Ms Benson’s in therapy.  It’ll probably be another fifteen or twenty minutes before she’s done, but you’re welcome to wait, Detective.”

Elliot nodded and went into the room, taking a seat on the couch and stretching out with a sigh.  It had been a hell of a long week in what had been a hell of a long couple of months since Alex had come back into their lives.  He closed his eyes.  In some ways he couldn’t believe Alex had only been back what amounted to a few weeks and in others it felt like she had been back forever.

“Oof!” he grunted as something hit him in the gut.  His eyes popped open, then he glared at his smirking partner, rubbing the spot she had poked.  “What the hell’d you do that for?”

“I’m in therapy busting my ass while you sleep on the job and you ask me why you’re getting abused?”  She eased onto the bed and blew out a breath when she was settled.  “God, I’m tired of this hurting.”   Olivia slapped the bed.  “This shouldn’t be taking so long.”

Elliot sat up, but remained where he was – allowing her some space to process what he was about to share.  “Liv, be glad you’re around to hurt.  We lost you once.”

“Twice,” she corrected quietly.  “Once on the ride over and once here.  I remember.”

Stabler’s eyebrows nearly jumped off his forehead.  “Do you?”  He leaned forward.  “What was it like?”

She shook her head.  “Not something I can talk about yet, El... sorry,” her eyes full of pain and regret.

He shrugged, covering up the hurt he felt at her inability to confide in him.  “It’s all right, Liv.  I’m just glad you decided to stick around here with the rest of us.  Oh,” went on hurriedly before she could hear the tremor in his voice, “IAB cleared the shooting.  You’ll be able to return to work as soon as the doc clears you.”

“Good... I’m hoping that will be two weeks – three tops.”

“More like four to six, Detective,” Dr. Richmond said from the open doorway.  “I don’t think you understand the massive amount of trauma your body underwent from not only the gunshot wound, but also the surgery to repair the damage.  We’re not running a race here, Ms Benson; it’s going to take time.”

“But Doc,” she whined, causing Elliot to cover his mouth with his hand to hide his grin.  “Six weeks??  What I am going to do for six weeks?”

“I’m sure we can come up with something, Detective,” Alex purred from the door.  “I can think of any number of possibilities.”

Olivia’s eyes grew round as the look in Alex’s eyes and the tone of her voice led her right down the garden path.  She glanced at the doctor without actually breaking eye contact with Alex.  “Are you sure six weeks will be enough, Doc?” she croaked.  Virginia and Elliot burst into laughter; Alex grinned widely and Olivia flushed, though she couldn’t stop her smile either.

“I’m going to miss you girls when you leave here.”

“Leave?” Liv perked up.  “Does that mean I will be getting out of here soon?”

“How does tomorrow sound?”

“Not as good as today, but I’ll take it,” Olivia said with a grin.  “Thanks, Doc.”

“Don’t thank me,” Richmond said.  “You’re the one that’s done all the work, and there’s going to be a whole list of instructions and do’s & don’ts you will need to follow once you go home.”

“Doesn’t matter, Doc.  It still means I get to go home and live.”

“I like that attitude, Detective.  Now if I could just clear the room,” giving Elliot a significant glance, “I’d like to take a look at how you’re healing.”

Elliot scrambled to his feet and muttered, “I’ll wait outside,” before closing the door behind him.  Alex crossed to the couch and dropped the briefcase and suit jacket she’d picked up at their apartment earlier.  Then she walked back over to Olivia’s bedside, running her hand through silky brown hair and kissing her forehead.

“How was your day?” distracting Liv from what the doctor was doing.

“Exhausting,” Liv replied honestly.  “I don’t remember chasing down perps being as hard as this physical therapy is.  But I’m getting there.  I just wish the scar wasn’t so ugly.”

“I think it’s beautiful, Sweetheart – just like you.  It means you are still here with me and that makes it a perfect part of you as far as I am concerned.”

“Kinda like yours do for me,” Olivia agreed.  She looked up when Dr. Richmond tapped her belly.

“I’m very pleased with your progress and in time the scar will fade to something much less prominent.  If it bothers you,” having overheard Liv’s complaint, “I can recommend a plastic surgeon that will make it nearly invisible.  But that will need to wait until the original damage has healed.  Otherwise, you have one more round of therapy before you go and then I’ll release you in the morning.  You’ll still need to come in for therapy and check-ups and for now I’m going to keep you listed as off-duty for the next six weeks.  If that changes, well... we can talk about it if and when the time comes.”

“Thank you, Dr. Richmond,” Alex said.  “What you and Dr. Timmons did for us....”

“We did our jobs, much as the detective was doing when she got hurt.  However, what you have done to Zachary Timmons is beyond price and we all thank you for that.”

“Excuse me?” Olivia said, looking from one to another.  “Who is Dr. Timmons and what did we do?”

“Dr. Timmons was the trauma surgeon who put you back together,” Alex answered quietly with a hand on Liv’s shoulder, “but I don’t know what we did to him.  That night is something of a blur for me still.”

“You opened his eyes a little and made him think outside of his narrow little box.  I’m not saying the man isn’t still a homophobe, but at least he’s had something to think about beyond the stereotypes.”  She patted Olivia’s leg.  “However, that is neither here nor there at the moment and I’m pretty sure your detective friend would probably like to come back in.  I’ll leave detailed instructions with the nurses for your care and therapy at home and write up the order for your discharge along with how to reach me if there is any further problem, all right?”  They nodded.  “Okay... well, good luck to you both,” she added before walking out the door.

Surprisingly, Elliot didn’t immediately come in and Alex walked over and stuck her head out the door.  “He’s not here,” she said.  “He must have gone to get some coffee or something.”

“That’s all right,” Liv said, reaching out a hand and gently tugging Alex towards her.  “That means we have time for a private hello,” pulling until Alex hitched up her skirt slightly and sat on the bed.  They looked at one another a moment before Olivia tangled her hands into what had been neatly blonde tresses and brought their lips together for a passionate kiss.  Only a throat clearing separated them, and still it was a slow, drawn-out parting that left them both breathless.

They both blinked and looked up, expecting to find Elliot, but instead saw Arthur Branch – envelope in one hand and laden restaurant bag in the other.  “May I come in, ladies?  I promise not to stay long.”  They motioned him into the room and Alex accepted the bag he offered while gesturing him to a seat on the couch.  He held up the envelope.  “I suppose you know why I’m here.”

“You’re not going to change my mind, Arthur.  I need to do this.  I’ve got to find out who Alex Cabot is now.  My life hasn’t been my own for the last three years and it crossed into the ridiculous when I finally came home for good... and except for what has happened between me and Olivia, it seems like everything has totally been beyond my control.  I need to get some of that back.”

“And quitting your job as Bureau Chief accomplishes that how?”

“It will let me take a step or two back to really look at things – find out if this is really what I want to do with my life anymore.  I told you before I was having trouble coming to terms with all this.  Now that my business with the DEA is finished, I want to take some time for me... and Olivia... so we can decide what we’d like in our future together.”

“I have an option I’d like to put on the table.” Arthur watched as Alex looked directly at Olivia, waiting for a sign before she turned back to him and nodded.  “I would like you to take a leave of absence instead of resigning.  That way the door is open if and when you decide you’re still a prosecuting attorney.  It’s still in you, Alexandra – it always will be.  And it could be, sooner or later, that you’ll find that spark and drive that once made you tell me not to get too comfortable in the District Attorney’s chair.”

“You didn’t,” Liv stated flatly, drawing two sets of eyes to her.  Arthur chuckled and nodded.

“She certainly did... on the day I was introduced to her by her uncle and my friend Judge William Franklin Hermann.  She was his law clerk that summer and she looked me dead in the eye when she said it.  I knew then I wanted her on my side for sure.”

“I was young,” muttered Alex.

“You still are,” Arthur assured her, “relatively speaking.  But you are also warmer, more compassionate and human than the Ice Princess I first assigned to SVU six years ago.  And those were hard changes to make, but they were good ones.  All I’m asking is that you don’t throw away the dream behind those changes.  Take a leave of absence while you’re thinking.”

“You realize that I still might never come back to the prosecutor’s office.”

“Even for the chair?”

“Even then.  I just don’t know right now, Arthur.  I want to take Olivia and go home and just live for a while - go to Hawaii or New Zealand or just walking in Central Park; climb Kilimanjaro or Everest or even Pike’s Peak; sit in our living room watching bad television or the rain fall outside the windows or roast marshmallows in the fireplace.  I may never get past that.”

“You won’t,” Arthur said solemnly.  “When you really love your partner, you want to do all those things.  But you will also eventually reach a place when you will need more, and when you do, I’d like there to still be a place for you in my office.  Who knows – maybe you’ll be ready for the chair when it is ready for a new District Attorney.”

She smiled.  There was a very good reason this man was so successful at his job and even she was not immune to his charm and charisma.  “All right, Arthur.  You win.  I’ll take a leave of absence with the understanding that it is indefinite.”

Branch slapped the envelope with his palm.  “Good enough.  Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ll go and let you two eat in peace.  I promised the good detective real food earlier and this should fill the bill nicely.  I’ll have my secretary type up a new letter and you can stop by and sign it sometime Monday.”  Alex nodded and rose with him as he stood and moved to the door.  “I’m glad you’re doing better, Olivia.  You’re one of the good guys.”  Then he was gone and Alex and Olivia were left looking at each other as the scent of Italian food wafted throughout the room.


Chapter XXXI

Olivia told Alex about Arthur’s earlier visit to her as they shared fettuccini Alfredo, salad and garlic bread.  Liv couldn’t actually eat much, but she certainly enjoyed what she was able to consume.  Alex had just leaned forward to clean Alfredo sauce off the corner of Olivia’s mouth when the door unceremoniously opened even as a knock sounded and John Munch stuck his head in the door, sniffing the air with obvious intent.

“Oh, it smells wonderful in here, ladies.  I hope you both saved some room for cake and ice cream,” opening the door wide to allow the others to come in behind him.  Fin came in carrying a sheet cake and Melinda Warner and Don Cragen both carried small coolers with ice cream.  Casey and Serena followed them with more coolers filled with soda and Elliot and Kathy brought up the rear with bags containing cups and plates and utensils. 

Soon the room was crowded with happy, laughing people perched on the floor, the couch, the single stool and in Alex’s case, on Olivia’s bed.  Once everyone was served and had something to drink, Liv looked around the room at the friends she called family.

“What is all this?” she asked, trying to hide the tears she felt welling up.  “What are you guys all doing here?”

“Well,” Munch said, clearing his throat, “a little birdie told us that not only did IAB clear you today, but you’re being released from pris... I mean, the hospital tomorrow.”  He lifted his glass at the chuckles garnered by his Freudian faux pas.  “We thought that deserved a little celebration.  We’re glad you decided to stick around with us.”

“Hear! Hear!” the rest chimed in raising their glasses.  Olivia put her cake on the tray and tangled her fingers with Alex’s.

“So am I, guys... thanks.”

The shrill ringing of a cell phone quieted everyone as they reached for their various devices.  “It’s me,” Alex said, answering the phone where she sat as she was basically unable to move.  “Hello?.... Oh shit, Janet.  I’m so sorry.  After this week, I completely forgot to call you....  No, we’re in the hospital.  Olivia was....”  She broke off and Olivia neatly intercepted the phone from her hand.

“Janet?  Olivia....  Yeah... yeah....  Sure... uh huh.... Room twenty-one thirty-three.  We’ll be here until tomorrow.  Okay, we’ll see you in a bit... bye.”  She turned to the rest of the room.  “Sorry.”

“Do we need to leave?” Kathy asked.

“No,” Liv assured them.  “Not for a little while... I have to hear all the precinct gossip first.”  That brought another round of laughter and Munch cleared his throat and started speaking.  Twenty minutes later he had the entire room in stitches when the door to Olivia’s room opened and Janet stuck her head in.  Her eyebrows went into her hairline.

“I’m going to go out on a limb here and guess that the nurses haven’t been by in a while.”  Everyone had the decency to look abashed but not to the point of actually moving.  Janet stepped further into the room.  “However, I promise not to tell if I could get a slice of that cake and something to drink.”

That caused movement and soon Janet found herself somewhat comfortably ensconced on the couch surrounded by Alex’s and Olivia’s colleagues and friends, observing their interaction and comfort levels.  It was quickly obvious to her that these people were family to one another and she was glad to know they both had such a strong support system behind them.  She would find out why they were all here later, but for the moment, she brought her mind back to the present where Casey was nervously twisting her hands together while she spoke hopefully to the rest of the group.

“So I had a couple ideas,” she was saying.  “Some sort of street party type fair to give the kids some fun or a runway action to raise money for them.”

“Why not do both?” Alex suggested.  “I’ll help you if you’d like.  And I’m sure my mother wouldn’t mind getting involved either.  She has a number of charities she supports and contributor contacts.”

“Would you?  I mean, are you sure you have time?  I’m not sure how I’m going to fit hosting one event into my schedule.  And yours has to be worse.”

“Actually, as of today, I am officially unemployed.  I have taken a leave of absence from the DA’s office.  So I’ll have plenty of time to help you.”  She looked around the stunned room.  “Come on guys... it’s not like I confessed to being Jack the Ripper or something equally heinous.  I just need some time to figure out what I really want to do now that the drama of the last three years is finally over.”

Elliot moved from his spot against one wall and kissed her cheek.  “I think it’s a great idea.  Good for you, Alex.  Good for you both.”  Before anyone else could move or take a breath to speak, the door opened again and this time, a scowling nurse stuck her head in.

“I’m going to give you ten minutes to clear this room before I call security.”  Five police badges, one ME’s badge, an ADA and a Bureau Chief badge were flashed in her direction.  “Doesn’t matter,” she stated firmly.  “There are too many people in here and you’re eating contraband.  I want all of you and this mess out of here in ten minutes,” she said before closing the door.

“You know, I have half a mind to go see what sort of human that clone came from,” Munch muttered.

“You got half a mind, all right,” Fin agreed.  “Now git yer skinny ass over here and help us clean up.”

“Fin’s right about cleaning up,” Cragen pointed out.  “We really do need to go and let Olivia rest... even without Nurse Ratchet threatening us with rent-a-cops.  It was nice to meet you, Doc,” he said extending his hand to Janet before picking up the cooler he’d brought and waiting for Munch to do his duty as doorman.  Within three minutes, the room was empty save Janet, Alex and Liv.  The only evidence of what had gone on was the pile of plastic now residing in the trashcans.

“Wow,” Janet commented softly.  “That was....”

Liv chuckled lightly.  “Yeah, but they’re good people.”

“The best,” Alex concurred.  “We’re lucky to have them.”

“Yes, you really are.  Friends like that are hard to find and hold onto.  Make sure you do,” Janet added, pointing at them with her fork.  Just then, Nurse Ratchet stuck her head back in the door and scowled in Janet’s direction.

“Did I not make myself clear?  I said everybody out.  What part do I need to explain to you?”

Janet held up her hand to forestall any explanation Alex or Olivia might have offered the nurse.  Instead she rose and placed her cake on the tray table before taking the nurse firmly by the arm and leading her to the corner farthest from the bed.  Neither Alex nor Olivia could hear what was being said, but it was clear the nurse was being dressed down by the fierce expression on Janet’s face and the one of shock on the nurse’s.  After several minutes, the nurse nodded and left the room without a backwards glance.  Liv and Alex looked impressed.

“Whaddya tell her, Doc?”

“Not much.  I told her who I was and explained the consequences of her continuing bad attitude.”

“Way to go, Doc!” Liv grinned, then frowned.  “Although I don’t understand her change in attitude.  She hasn’t been like that.  In fact, aside from the fact that this is a hospital, I can’t really complain about this place or the people.”

“You’ll still be thrilled to leave though.”

“Well, yeah... isn’t everyone?  Besides, they complain if Alex climbs in the bed with me.”

“Yeah, Jimmy and I had the same problem once,” Janet agreed, throwing away her plate and resuming her seat closer to the bed.  “Now tell me what happened that you ended up here.”

Nearly an hour later they were done with the telling and Janet sat back wide-eyed.  She cleared her throat.  “Okay... well then, I guess I can understand why you missed your appointment this evening then,” garnered shaky smiles from them both.  “We’ll add this to our list of issues to work through,” holding up her hand before they could protest.  “I know you think you’ve dealt with it, and you have on a surface level.  But this goes much deeper and will come back to haunt you if we don’t take care of it.  I am glad to see such a strong support system for you both though.  That will help a lot.”

They looked at one another and Janet waited patiently, knowing they were conversing with one another without saying a word.  It was one of the nicest things she and Jimmy shared as a couple; it was just a bonus that it drove their kids crazy with it in the process.  The thought brought a smile to her face and when she refocused on Alex and Olivia, they were looking back at her with a questioning expression on their faces.

“Sorry,” she said with a grin.  “I was thinking how much you two remind me of my husband and me and how we drive our kids to distraction with that silent communication thing couples tend to develop.  Your kids are going to hate you both – you’ve already got it down pat and you’re not even married yet.”

They looked at one another again, eyes wide and blushing beet red. Kids?? they mouthed.  Janet laughed and waved them off. 

“A discussion for another time.  But... would you like to increase our sessions to two or three times a week while you have that kind of time to spend on it together?  I think it would be beneficial to take advantage of the opportunity, but it’s strictly your call.”

“Can we talk it over, Janet?  There is so much living we want to do,” Alex asked.  “I know we need the therapy... I need the therapy – but I don’t want it to get in the way of us.”

Janet stood up and covered their joined hands with both of hers.  “Absolutely, Alex.  As long as you keep up the weekly sessions, I think living is the best thing you can do right now.  Celebrate your lives and your love and the fact that you are together in spite of everything.”

“Thanks, Doc.  I knew there was a reason we like you,” Olivia said with a smile that quickly turned to a grimace when she moved too quickly.  “I’m all right,” she said as she blew out a breath.  “I just have to remember not to move like that.  I want this be over with now.”

“It’s only been a week.  Frankly, I’m glad you’re still around to feel it.”

“So am I, Alex.  But I’ve never been real patient.”

Alex opened her blue eyes wide, sliding the glasses of justice down the bridge of her nose.  “No, Detective... really? I never would have guessed that about you.”  She grinned.

Olivia gave Alex the most mature response she could think of – she stuck out her tongue... only to find it caught between Alex’s thumb and forefinger.  Liv shook her head and raised an eyebrow.  Janet just laughed at them.

“Be thankful, Detective,” Alex said in a low voice.  “If the doctor wasn’t here, I would have done something else with that tongue of yours.”  Olivia and Janet both blushed and Janet cleared her throat again before speaking.

“<Ahem>... yes, well... on that note, I’ll be heading out myself, but if either of you need me, I’m only a phone call away.  And if it is too difficult for you to get out for the first couple weeks, Olivia, please let me know.  I’ll be happy to come to you.”

She started to answer before realizing Alex still had hold of her tongue.  Liv reached up and removed Alex’s fingers, then flexed her tongue while glaring in Alex’s direction.  “Thanks, Janet.”

She patted Liv’s legs and squeezed Alex’s hand.  “Goodnight, ladies.”

They watched her go, then Alex shifted to rest her head on Olivia’s shoulder.  “I’m glad we’re going home tomorrow.”

“So am I,” Liv agreed, clasping Alex’s nearest hand.  “Even though there’s gonna be a lot for us to do.”

“No, Sweetheart.  There might be a lot for me to do, but you’re not going to be doing much of anything for a little while except healing.  The unpacking will get done when it gets done and the mosaics will be finished when you feel up to doing the work yourself or supervising me and not before.  I’d prefer not to have to come back here ever again - especially because we were impatient.”

“Me too – the beds just aren’t working for me.”

Alex chuckled and sat up so she could look down into deep brown eyes.  “Me either.  I’m looking forward to sleeping in that big, king-sized bed of ours with you.”  Alex read Liv’s desire and leaned down, capturing her lips with a fierceness and intensity that left them both dizzy and breathless.

“I’m looking forward to a lot more than that,” Olivia said hoarsely after a moment.  Alex smiled. 

“So am I, Sweetheart,” brushing the dark hair out of Liv’s eyes.  “But for now,” she added, sitting up and sliding from the bed, “we both need some rest so we can get out of here in the morning.”

Olivia tugged on the hand she still held in her grasp, urging Alex down until they were breathing the same air again.  “Thank you for taking care of me.  I love you,” kissing away Alex’s first reply.

“It’s mutual, Liv.  I love you back.  Now go to sleep.  It’ll make tomorrow come that much faster.”

Olivia wanted to argue, but the fact was she was exhausted, and before Alex had stepped away from the bed, she was already asleep.  Alex stood and watched her lover sleep, her rhythmic breathing steady and reassuring.  Alex brushed a kiss over Liv’s forehead, then moved over to the couch to get a little rest.  Tomorrow was going to be a busy day.

************

They expected to find moving boxes neatly stacked in the different rooms they had been labeled for, waiting to be opened and put away.  Instead they found the furniture was set up and in place and everything else was put away.  The only things not where they belonged were the mosaics that were still laid out carefully on the floor of the second bedroom.

“Come in, my darlings,” Elizabeth welcomed when they continued to stand in the doorway of the elevator.  “I was hoping to be out of here before you arrived, but you are earlier than I expected.”

“Mother... did you do all this?” Alex asked, motioning around the penthouse before easing Olivia over to their new, overstuffed leather couch.  She helped Liv to sit, then dropped into place beside her so Olivia could stretch out with her head comfortably ensconced on Alex’s lap.  Without thought, Alex’s fingers sifted through the brown hair, her touch gentle and causing Liv’s eyes to close as her body relaxed.  Elizabeth watched their interaction with fondness for a moment until she realized Alex was waiting for an answer to the query she had posed.

“This?  You mean putting things away?  Heaven’s no, Daughter.  I found it like this when I got here.”

Then...?”

“I suspect it was your friends Casey and Serena; they’re the only ones who have been here. Lovely young women really, especially to have taken care of all this without being asked.  I just requested that someone to be here while the movers were here; I didn’t expect... well, let’s just say it was a pleasant surprise for me when I walked in this morning to prepare things for you two to come home.”

“Mother....”

“Alexandra, it wasn’t to be nosy; I truly wanted to make sure things were prepared for you – sheets on the bed; towels in the bathroom; and food in the kitchen.  I will admit to looking around once I saw the living room had been put away and I am intrigued by the art you’ve found for this place.  It’s very interesting, but I don’t recognize the artist.”

“We can talk about it later, Mother.  Not that I don’t appreciate everything you’ve done... God, I do – very much.  But....”

“But you’d like to be alone to settle into your new home together.”  Elizabeth crossed over to the couch and knelt, brushing Alex’s hair back behind her ear, sliding the dark framed glasses from her face and placing them on the table.  Then she cupped Alex’s face and smiled into the blue eyes that were so like her own.  “I was young and in love once too, Daughter.  I’m not so old I don’t remember what it felt like with your father.”  Her smile grew to a grin at the blush that crawled up Alex’s fair skin and patted her knee before slowly standing and straightening up.  “I’ll give you two a few days to settle in, and then I’d appreciate a phone call so I can bring you up to date on the wedding plans.”

“All right... thanks, Mom.”  A beat.  “Oh... before I forget – you might want to give Casey a call.  She needs some help with a charity project and I told her you might be willing to lend a hand.  I volunteered my help as well before you ask, but I think you have the contacts she needs.”

“All right, Alexandra.  I’d like to help her if I can.  I really do like your friends, Daughter.  Thank you for sharing them with me.”  She walked to the elevator, picking up her purse and turning back.  “I’ll just leave this...?” holding up a tiny jeweler’s box.  Alex held out her free hand and Elizabeth dropped the box into her outstretched palm.

“Thanks, Mom. I’ll call you later.”

Elizabeth smiled and waved until the elevator doors closed.

Alex looked down, wondering if Liv had been playing possum so as not to have to discuss her art with Elizabeth.  But her breathing was slow and rhythmic and didn’t change even when the elevator dinged its return to the top to wait until it was needed again.  So Alex leaned her head back and closed her eyes, not even realizing when her breathing slowed to match Olivia’s and sleep overtook her.

************

A light tickling sensation on her belly roused her and Alex woke with a start when she recognized the change in light meant morning had shifted into afternoon.  She looked down into twinkling brown eyes, seeing her shirt had been unbuttoned so Liv could nuzzle bare skin with her lips.

“Hi,” Alex said huskily, feeling goosebumps chase up her skin following the trail of Olivia’s lips.  “Been awake long?”

“Nuh uh... just long enough to get your shirt unbuttoned.”

“Sweetheart, unless you’re suddenly pain free, that probably took you over an hour.  Are you hungry?”

“Yeah, actually and really stiff.  I think I stayed in one position too long.”

“Well, let me go see what my mother brought us for food and then we’ll see about loosening up those muscles and doing your therapy,” Alex said as she eased out from underneath Olivia’s head, tucking the box into her pocket before helping Liv sit upright.  Alex smirked.  “Nice case of bed head.”

Olivia stuck out her tongue and snarled.  “Be nice to me.”

“I am.  I didn’t have to tell you... I could have just laughed.”

Olivia shifted forward and pushed up off the couch, glad for Alex’s steadying arms around her when her vertigo went to hell unexpectedly.  Alex eased her back down and Olivia took a deep breath.  “Damn, that hurts,” she muttered.

“Take it easy, Liv... please?” She smoothed Liv’s hair back.  “There,” Alex smiled tremulously, “no more bed head,” kissing her chastely.  “Now let me bring us something to eat and then we can take care of the rest later, okay?”

“Promise?”

“Cross my heart.”

“All right,” Liv agreed reluctantly, closing her eyes.  Alex sauntered into the kitchen to find soup waiting to be warmed and a light green salad in the fridge. In spare minutes, Alex had it all ready and was putting it on the table, knowing it would be easier to manage there than on the couch.  Then she called Liv, waiting to be asked before helping; it was a lesson she had learned early and quickly during the initial therapy sessions.  Olivia grunted and groaned as she got up but eventually made it to the table under her own power, smiling widely at Alex before she sat down.  “This looks good.  Your mom?”

“Yes – that’s why she was here when we got home.”

“That was nice of her,” Liv said, chewing slowly and sipping her water.

“She um... she also had to pick something up for me,” Alex stammered, wondering at her sudden nervousness.  It wasn’t like Olivia didn’t know about the ring already, and it wasn’t like they weren’t already engaged.  Still, it was different, having the shoe on the other foot, so to speak – Olivia could still say no or decide she didn’t like the ring or....

“Alex?”  A touch on her hand brought Alex back to the present to find Olivia regarding her with loving concern.  “Sweetheart, are you all right?”

“Yes, I just....”  She swallowed hard and took a deep breath.  “I didn’t realize how nerve wracking this was.  Mother... my mother went to the jeweler’s for me today to pick up your engagement ring.  It was ready.”  She stuck her hand in her pocket and pulled out the box that held a ring identical to hers.  Only the inscription was different.  Alex took it out of the box and stood so she could kneel in front of Olivia.  “Marry me?” she asked simply.

Liv set her fork down and cupped Alex’s face in both hands.  “Yes,” she whispered, rubbing their noses together.  “Yes, yes, yes!”  They sealed their promise with a kiss once more, tongues dueling for dominance until Liv twisted then gasped in pain.  “Dammit!” she ground out.  “I hate this!”

“Shh, Baby.  I know you do, but it will get better, do you understand me, Detective?  We’re not going to let this stop us from living!  My mother would never forgive either of us if we missed the wedding she’s been planning.”  A tug on her arm brought sparking blue eyes to meet twinkling brown.

“Do you think I could have my ring in that case?”

“What??  Oh,” realizing she still held it in her hand.  Alex blushed.  “Sorry... I wanted you to see the inscription first,” placing it in Olivia’s palm so she could read it. Always My Angel.

“Put it on me?” offering it back to Alex who took it and reverently slid it onto Liv’s ring finger before kissing it much as Olivia had consecrated hers.  “This makes it even more real, doesn’t it?”

Alex smiled.  “Yes, it does.  Now eat – you need to regain your strength.  The sooner you do that, the sooner we can start counting the ways we can expend it together.”

Liv grinned and admired her ring a moment more before turning her attention back to eating, hoping she could prove the doctor wrong and have her recovery not take four to six more weeks.  Abstinence by her choice when Alex was hundreds of miles away was a walk in the park compared to forced abstinence when the object of her desire was gently stroking her arm just inches from her.  She was determined to have a more intimate touch sooner rather than later – although not until she had therapy... and a bath... and a nap.  But after that... abso-frickin-lutely!!

Of course, things did not pan out exactly like she hoped they would.  The first few days out of the hospital consisted of eating, sleeping and exercising.  Liv was working hard and could barely keep her eyes open for more than a few kisses.  By the end of the week, however, they were able to indulge in some heavy make-out sessions as long as they remained mindful of Olivia’s still healing wound, but that only added to their frustration level.

Elizabeth and Munch had their wedding plans on track, and after a particularly intense therapy session with Janet, Alex came out of the closet carrying two suitcases.  She put them on the bed and started putting clothes in them.  Liv came into the bedroom and stood stock still, wondering if the frustration that was starting to make them snipe at each other was causing Alex to leave to regroup – not that Olivia could blame her if she was.  But still the idea hurt.

“Alex?”

“You want to pack your clothes, Liv, or do you want me to do it for you?”

“We’re going somewhere... together?”

“Unless you’d rather stay here,” Alex answered without turning around.  “I just thought we’d take advantage of some of this down time we have and see a bit of the world together.”  Olivia sagged against the wall and the movement brought Alex around to face her.  “Sweetheart,” noting her pallor, “are you all right?  Come sit down a minute.”

Olivia let Alex lead her to the bed and took a seat to get off her suddenly nerveless legs.  She ran shaky hands through her hair and blew out a breath, accepting the glass of juice Alex was pressing into her hand.  “Sorry,” she muttered.  “I’m not sure what happened.”  Alex knelt in front of her.

“I’m not going anywhere without you, Liv. I promise... never again.”  She clasped their left hands together so their rings rested side by side.  “This means us together always, all right?”

Liv nodded. “I know that, really.  I’m not sure why I freaked out.”

Alex covered her cheek with one hand, then stood up and offered Olivia her hand.  “Come on... pack your art supplies and let me finish getting our clothes in the suitcases so we can get out of here for a little while and just live a little.”

“Where are we going?”

“Anywhere you want to, Love, but I thought we’d go to Hawaii for a few days, then maybe New Zealand or Australia for a week or two if we felt like it.  We don’t have an agenda.  I promised Janet we would call in for our appointments and my mother has all the wedding arrangements under control.  Personally, I think she and Munch are having a great time putting the whole thing together without us.  I thought you could call Elliot from the airport so he knows what’s going on and other than that we can just go where the wind takes us for a little while.”

Liv put her art supplies on the bed and moved into Alex’s arms.  “I love you.”

Alex returned the embrace as fully as she dared before kissed Olivia deeply, not stopping until two sets of hands began to wander.  Only then did they reluctantly separate.  “God, you’re good at that,” she muttered.  “Hold that thought, though.  We need to get to the airport first.  Then maybe we can join the Mile-High Club together.”

Not surprisingly, it didn’t take either of them long to finish packing and soon they were heading out the door.


Chapter XXXII

Olivia wouldn’t have believed anything could have beaten the feeling of joining the Mile-High Club – more than once - in the comfort of a private jet.  But then they had arrived in Hawaii; she pulled Alex’s hand tighter around her waist as she let her mind replay the events of the morning.

It had been very early in the morning when the plane had finally touched down on the runway in Hawaii, and even later when they had finally reached their hotel and settled into bed without unpacking, completely exhausted and wonderfully sated for the first time in weeks.

When they woke hours later, Alex suggested they go down to the beach and Olivia immediately declined.  Alex met brown eyes sadly.  “I still haven’t convinced you how beautiful you still are to me??  How attractive and utterly desirable I find you??  What a badge of honor and courage I find the scar you wear now to be??  It’s a good thing I quit the DA’s office then, if I can’t convince you of something so fundamental.”

“Alex... Sweetheart, I know... it’s not so much about you as it is about me.  It’s changed the way I see myself.  I can’t help but know it will change the way others see me as well.”

Alex didn’t respond verbally.  Instead she took Olivia’s face in her hands, lightly tracing the curves and planes she found there – eyebrows, cheekbones, jaw line, lips.  The tickling touch of her fingertips on Liv’s lips made the brown eyes flutter closed and Alex followed the same path with her lips.  When she reached Olivia’s lips, she gently teased them open with her tongue – first the corners, then the outline and finally the fullness of the lips themselves.  When Alex felt Olivia’s surrender, strong arms pulling her tighter into Liv’s body, she smiled and proceeded to ravish Liv’s mouth until they were both breathless.  Then she removed Olivia’s arms from her neck and shifted them to the headboard with the simple command, “Don’t move.”

Then she slowly slid down the firm body beneath hers, lavishing every inch of skin she came in contact with licks and nips and love bites.  When she reached the full breasts, dark nipples stood at attention and almost quivered in anticipation and Alex didn’t disappoint.  She suckled and flicked and pinched until Olivia was trembling and moaning almost constantly.  Alex took her cue and moved lower.  Alex stopped completely when she got to the scar, looking at Olivia and waiting until she was sure she had Liv’s complete and undivided attention.  Then she worshipped each and every single inch of blemished and disfigured skin that Olivia’s injury had caused to her belly.  Liv watched until the sensations coursing through her body forced her to close her eyes and simply feel.  And when Alex slipped even lower, Olivia just rode the waves of release until she was helplessly spent and cradled in Alex’s firm embrace.

“Do you understand now?” Alex asked softly.  Olivia had nodded and shifted their positions until she was able to start her own trail down Alex’s body, pushing aside the residual ache in her guts and focusing her attention on making Alex feel as incredibly loved and beautiful as she felt.  She didn’t miss a spot, smiling when her touch made Alex giggle then glare down at her.  Liv resumed her southerly journey, meticulously mapping out the terrain of Alex’s body until Alex shivered and shook and shouted her release to the rafters – feeling, at last, a missing piece of herself slide into place.

Olivia climbed back up Alex’s body and held her until her trembling stopped.  Then in a surprising move, Alex shifted them both until she was wrapped around Liv’s body.  “This okay?  You’re not uncomfortable or in pain?”

“This is perfect,” Olivia answered, pulling Alex’s hand up between her breasts.  “I could stay in your arms forever.”

Alex kissed Olivia’s temple and they fell asleep tangled together.

Olivia smiled again as movement behind her brought her back to the present and the warm body pressed into hers.  “You wanna try to go down to the beach now?” Liv asked Alex, giggling slightly when she flexed her fingers.  Alex slid her hand down and pushed up onto her elbow.

“Liv, are you sure?”

“Yeah.  No one’s gonna be looking at me anyway once they get a look at you in that electric blue bikini I saw you pack,” Olivia replied as she turned over slowly to meet Alex’s eyes.  “Besides, I’d like to do some drawing; have a Mai tai; watch you dance a hula,” waggling her eyebrows.  “Tomorrow maybe we can do a volcano walk or something.”

“Nothing like starting with the hard stuff,” Alex said with a grin, kissing Olivia’s nose before sliding from the bed under appreciative brown eyes. 

“Well, I’m not sure I’m up to hang gliding off the cliffs or parasailing yet.  But I would like to try those things when I’m a little stronger.”

“Me too,” Alex agreed with a grin.  She laid both suitcases out, opening them and pulling a bit of blue material from one and a scrap of black material from the other.  She tossed the black at Olivia who caught it with barely a wince, then she went back to digging, not stopping til she triumphantly pulled another handful of cloth from each case.

By this point Olivia was dressed and she walked up behind Alex and dropped a series of kisses up her neck.  “Thank you,” she whispered, knowing Alex would understand how much she appreciated the gesture of the sleek one-piece suit by the simplicity of her words.  Alex held the top up and Olivia reached around for the ties to fasten them.  Then Alex stepped into the bottoms and turned to face Liv, tying a sarong low around her hips before fastening the second around her own.

“I told you I was going to make it my mission in life to take care of you to the best of my ability.”

Liv gave her a crooked smile.  “You’re doing a much better job than I ever did.”

“Purely selfish on my part, Detective.  Purely selfish.  Are you going to bring your whole backpack down to the beach or just your sketchpad?”  Liv snatched up her pad and pencils and hand in hand she and Alex headed downstairs towards the beach.

************

They next few days passed in similar fashion – lovemaking, some time on the beach, and whatever fun activity had been chosen for the day.  They flew over the island to see the volcano; tried tubing; took surfing lessons – though that one Olivia struggled with because of her belly and she spent most of her time lying on the board body surfing instead.  Still it was fun and they had a good time learning.

Alex wanted to ski, but knew there was no way Olivia’s stomach could handle the stress that being pulled behind a boat by a rope would cause.  But Liv could read her desire so they reached a compromise.  Olivia rode in the boat and Alex skied behind it.  Alex got a tattoo, but Liv declined.  “I’ve had enough needles stuck in me recently, thanks,” was her only comment.  But she held Alex’s hand while hers was being done, neatly distracting her from what was happening.

They took walks together and went shopping; tried a new restaurant and cuisine every night.  They took an island cruise and went skinny dipping underneath a secluded waterfall.  They went to a luau and watched the sunset wrapped in each other’s arms every night.  Liv made some amazing sketches and Alex took some incredible pictures.  But best of all, they spent hours and hours alone together just being Alex and Olivia, talking and sharing and loving one another as they planned their future.

After eight days in the islands, Liv asked Alex, “Would you mind if we went home for now instead of going somewhere else?  As much as I’d like to see those places with you - and I would, don’t get me wrong – I’d like to go work on our murals.  I’d like to get them done so when we come back from our honeymoon, we can have a housewarming and invite our friends.  Elliot is chomping at the bit to see our new place... all the guys are, and I really do feel inspired to get them finished.”

“Of course, Liv... I told you we’d do what we wanted with this time together and if you want to go home, I’m ready to go home with you.  I have a list of places I’d like us to go together; we can just add them to the list.”

“Can I see this list?”

“Absolutely... you can even add to it if you like.”  Alex cleared her throat.  “It was one of the things I put together while I was still in witness protection.  It gave me something to dream about.”

Olivia cocked her head and smiled.  “I like knowing I was part of your dreams... even then.”

“Always,” which declaration called for lovemaking that was lit by the colors of the sunset and gilded by the light of the moon and stars as their silver light streamed through the open curtain.  It was a fitting end to their trip.

************

It was early evening when they arrived back at their penthouse and they sighed in relief to finally put their bags in their bedroom and curl up together on the couch.

“It’s nice to be home,” Alex commented as they watched the lights of the city slowly blink on around them.

“It’s nice to be anywhere with you,” Olivia replied, tightening her arms around Alex’s warm body currently curled up in her embrace.  “But I do like it here.”  Alex tilted her head back on Liv’s shoulder until she could look into the brown eyes that looked back down at her.  “What?” she asked.

Alex smiled.  “You seem... content – more settled.  Except for your calls to Elliot, you haven’t mentioned the one-six or talked about work at all since you came home from the hospital.”

“Neither have you.  Does it bother you?”

The blonde head shook. “No... not at all.  I just don’t want you to feel you can’t talk about your life at the SVU just because I’m not in the DA’s office anymore.”

Olivia smiled.  “Well, in all fairness, I’m a little out of the loop there right now since I’ve been gone for nearly a month.”

“I know,” Alex said as she sat up.  “But that is sort of my point.  Always - up until now anyway – you would have been fighting tooth and nail to stay in the loop... be a part of what is happening there despite what the doctors or the powers that be said.”

Liv paused, considering her words as she thought about Alex’s.  “I think,” she finally said slowly, “that having this time with you has kinda put everything into perspective a little bit differently for me.  Having you here with me... being with you... is the most important thing in my life.  Not that the guys won’t always be important to me and the unit won’t always get my best when I’m at work – but it’s not all-consuming for me anymore.  I have a life beyond that now.”  She hesitated and then looked into Alex’s eyes with a sheepish expression.  “I’ll probably still work late and I’ll always care about the victims.  But you’ve given me so much more to care about.  You deserve my best too.”  She held up Alex’s ring between them.  “You deserve my best most of all – because you took me as I am... warts and all... without hesitation or regret over who I was or where I came from.  You helped me put the past behind me and made me look forward to the future.”

“I did all that?”

“Yep,” Liv answered succinctly.  “I’d still like to find the man who raped my mother.  I think I always will until it happens; she deserves that much justice and I’d like to know if I have any sort of family out there somewhere.  But it’s no longer my motivation.”

“That’s one reason I left the DA’s office.  My reason is here... with you... and right now I can’t see beyond that.  I don’t want to.”  Alex blew out a breath.  “After our honeymoon, when you’re back at work, I’ll decide what I want to do professionally.  But right now, I want to focus on us.  Everything else will fall into place when the time is right.”

“We’ve both changed a lot, huh?”

“Yes,” Alex agreed.  “But I like the changes we’ve made.”

“So do I.”

************

Elizabeth started to call out as she stepped from the elevator, then stopped dead at the sight in front of her.  “Oh my,” she murmured, seeing Liv sitting casually on top of a ladder perched right next to the fireplace.  Then she saw why Olivia was sitting there and walked around quietly to get a better look at what she was working on.

Without warning, Alex came out of the second bedroom with one hand full of neatly lined tiles.  “I think these are the ones you want, Liv, but... Mother?” glancing up and seeing her mother in her peripheral vision, then turning to look directly at Elizabeth.  “Um... not that you’re not welcome, but why are you here?”

“I think I’m discovering who your fabulous unknown artist is,” Elizabeth replied matter-of-factly, “though that was not my original intention.  I did try to call first, but when I got no answer from any phone, I was concerned.  I came over to see if you were all right and brought lunch with me.”

Alex and Olivia exchanged chagrined expressions.  They had turned off their phones so they could work on the murals undisturbed.  Alex had planned to call Elizabeth later to let her know they were home and invite her for dinner; she had discounted the fact that her mother would be notified when the jet arrived and her pilot was available for transport again.

“Sorry, Mother – I was going to call later.”

“It’s all right, Alexandra.  I hope you don’t mind me dropping by, but I really was concerned when Alfonzo alerted me to his availability and I couldn’t reach you.  I promise not to make this a habit.”

“So what did you bring for lunch?” Liv asked as she slowly backed off the ladder.

Elizabeth looked around carefully as though making sure no one was spying on her.  Alex and Olivia followed her example, wondering who or what she was hiding from and what she could possibly have brought for lunch that would cause her to act that way.  Finally, satisfied that no one was around who would comment, Elizabeth held up a large, plain brown bag.  “Olivia Specials.”

Alex burst into laughter and Olivia’s eyes twinkled in delight.  “How did you know?”

“Julia told me.  I thought they might be appreciated after a week of island food.”

Olivia reached for the bag and headed towards the kitchen.  “They’re always appreciated, Elizabeth.  Thank you.”

The Cabot women followed a little more slowly, grinning at one another over Liv’s excitement.  “So is everything all right, Alexandra?  I didn’t expect the two of you home so soon.”

“Yes... we just wanted to come home.  Liv wanted to work on her murals and I wanted to be where she was.  Besides, she’s teaching me how she creates them.  I haven’t had this much fun in a long time.”

“She spent the morning walking back and forth collecting tiles for me to put above the fireplace,” Olivia said to Elizabeth as she set two plates on the small kitchen table and went back to the counter for the third.  “I’m not sure I see where the fun is in that,” directing her words to Alex.

“Trust me, Olivia.  She’s having fun.  I haven’t seen Alexandra this happy in a long time.”  She took Olivia’s hand.  “Thank you.”

Liv ducked her head to hide the blush, then busied herself putting her plate down before motioning everyone to sit.  Elizabeth released her hand to take a seat, then cupped a hand under Olivia’s chin to bring Liv’s eyes up to meet hers.  “Sometime soon I would like to talk to you about your art and why you’re hiding your light behind a bushel so to speak.  But not now,” she said, freeing Olivia’s chin and looking at both younger women.  “Right now, I would like to bring you up to speed on the plans for your wedding.  We still have time to change anything you’re not happy with, but....”

“Mother, Olivia and I are together – that makes us happy.  Everything else is just icing for us.”

“You mean that.”

Alex nodded.  “Yes, I do.  Besides, I trust you implicitly.  You have impeccable taste.”

“All right – can I at least tell you what John and I have planned or would you like to be surprised?”

“I’d like to know,” Liv answered quietly.  “I’ve never been to a real wedding.  But um... can we eat first?  Olivia specials are best if they’re eaten hot... and I’m starving.”

That got chuckles from both Cabot women and the three of them settled down to eat.

************

“Well, that was interesting,” Liv commented after the elevator doors had closed behind Elizabeth’s retreating form.  “I never expected it to be so involved.”

“Mother knows this is a one time deal,” Alex said as she held the ladder for Liv to resume her place to begin working on the mandala mural again.  “She’s going all out because she knows there won’t be a second chance to do this again.  At least all we have to do is go for fittings.”

“Can I confess a deep, dark secret?”  Olivia smiled shyly at Alex’s arched brow.  She picked up the tiles she had carefully placed there before they had stopped work to have lunch with Elizabeth and started placing them, keeping her focus on them while keenly aware of Alex’s sharp gaze on her.  “Even with all the formality involved, I’m looking forward to it.”  Liv paused briefly.  “When I was a little girl, I read a lot.  It was my babysitter and it took me to places and showed me things....”  She shook her head.  “Before I really understood the circumstances surrounding my conception and birth, I dreamed about being a princess.”  She hesitated and put the few remaining tiles back on the mantle and looked at her hands. 

“Liv?” Alex asked when the silence went on too long.   She came around into Olivia’s line of sight and took her hands.  Brown eyes caught blue.  “Sweetheart?” noting the tears that just hovered on dark lashes.

“On my eighth birthday, my mother, in a drunken stupor, explained to me in no uncertain terms where I’d come from and why I had no father... why I’d never amount to anything.  I never dreamed about being a princess after that.  I never thought I’d ever have the chance....”

“Oh Liv....”

“Alex, for the first time I feel like a fairy tale princess.”

“Oh no, Love... you’re my real life princess.”

“And you’re mine,” Olivia confirmed, loosening one hand from Alex’s grip and cupping her face instead.    “Do weddings always bring out the mush in people?” she asked with a crooked smile.

Alex grinned.  “I would say so, yes... just like babies turn full grown adults into babbling idiots.”  They chuckled, then Olivia turned back to her mural.  “Liv,” Alex asked after a moment of hesitation, “do you want to be more involved in our wedding plans?”

“Huh?  Um... no – why would you ask me that?  I think Elizabeth and Munch are doing a great job.”

“You said you had dreams; I just want to be sure they’re being fulfilled.”

“Beyond my wildest, Alex.”

“Good,” Alex said with a grin.  “Now... what next?”

Olivia turned back to the mandala and motioned.  “Maybe... I think we can move to green for a while.  You wanna give it a try?”

“Not yet, but soon.”

So they settled back into a rhythm, a comfortable silence surrounding them.

************

The next day, they headed out to the small bridal boutique Elizabeth had given them.  Technically, they shouldn’t have gone together, but Alex figured Elizabeth had already given Adrianne a head’s-up on them.  She was correct in her assumption and as soon as they entered, she and Olivia were separated and whisked off to different viewing rooms.

“Um....” Olivia hesitated.  “Can’t we do this together?”

“No, Detective.  That was the only explicit instruction Mrs. Cabot gave us.  It’s considered bad luck, you know.  Now, do you have an idea of what you would like to wear?”

Olivia nodded.  “I know exactly what I would like.”

“Excellent,” Adrianne nodded.  “You tell me what you would like, and I’ll do my best to make it happen for you.”

Several hours later, Alex and Olivia met in the front of the boutique, smiling shyly before they headed to the one-six to check–in with the guys.

************

“Well, well, well... if it isn’t our little lost sheep,” Munch greeted them as he rose from behind his desk.  “How ya feeling, Liv?”

“Baa,” she answered with a completely straight face.  The entire room looked startled before bursting into laughter, welcoming her back with hugs and back slaps.  Elliot was last and she held on a moment longer.  “Can we talk?” she asked quietly.

“Sure,” he said motioning to the interrogation room.  “What’s up?” he asked, closing the door behind them and taking a seat on the table.

“I wanted to make sure you were gonna stand with me – when Alex and I... you know – get married.”

“I’d be honored, Liv – you know that.  Thanks for asking me though.”  He smiled when she blew out a nervous breath.  “How’re you feeling about all this?”

“Scared as hell, but right at the same time – like I’m finally where I belong.  I can’t imagine us not being together, El.  She’s so much a part of who I am.”

“That’s a good thing, Liv.  It gives you something to hold on to outside the ugliness of this place,” gesturing around the room.  “I didn’t know how much I needed that until it was gone.” 

Liv took a seat beside him.  “How’s that going anyway?”

Elliot looked down at the floor but couldn’t stop the smirk that crossed his face.  “Better than it’s been in a long time.  Maybe Kathy and I needed a break from each other to make us... make me... realize what we had together.”

“I’m glad, El. You deserve to be happy.”

“So do you, Liv.  Hold onto this tight with both hands.”

“I intend to,” she replied fervently.  “Now let me go rescue Alex from our colleagues before Munch sets her up with his latest theory and Fin winds up pulling him outta here by his ear.”  They slid from the table and Elliot laughed as he opened the door. 

“I’d pay good money to see that.”

“See what, Detective?” Casey asked as she walked in the precinct.  Olivia crossed to stand behind Alex and wrapped an arm around her.

“Olivia wearing a ball and chain,” Elliot quipped before Olivia could respond.  She glared at him and Alex laughed.  Casey just arched an eyebrow.

“Isn’t that the whole point of the upcoming nuptials?” she inquired drolly.  She turned her attention to Munch in the ensuing laughter.  “Speaking of... John, I told Elizabeth she could count on Serena and me to be there early.  Now if you’ll excuse me,” to Alex and Olivia, “I need to take these three away now.  I’m glad to see you’re doing so much better, Olivia.  We miss you around here.”

“Thanks, Casey.  I think the doctor might put me on desk duty next week.”

“And then you’ll be out for two weeks for your honeymoon,” Elliot grumbled.  “Have I told you lately how much we all hate you around here?”

“Bite me, El... jealous much?”

He glared.  “I hate you SO much,” he muttered, then gave her a wink before headed into the captain’s office followed by his laughing cohorts.  Alex and Olivia exchanged smiles before heading back to their apartment.  It had been a good day.


Chapter XXXIII

The next week passed swiftly.  Olivia returned to desk duty with Huang’s blessing and Alex spent the time working on the bathroom mural after asking Olivia for specific instructions to follow.  She found she enjoyed the project very much, giving her a focus and an outlet that brought pleasure and a sense of accomplishment.  And it allowed her a chance to think about the future as well – immediate as well as far reaching.

Alex had a number of options and she knew that.  But to be very honest she was quite happy being unemployed at the moment – working on the dolphin mural and playing the piano and rediscovering New York.  Alex knew herself well enough to know that wouldn’t last very long – she was too driven.  Soon she would sit down and begin to seriously consider the opportunities that she had for the future – whether that was remaining at the DA’s office or going into private practice or teaching or even going into politics as a judge or state representative.  All possibilities and all things she and Olivia would eventually need to sit down and discuss and decide together.  But first there was a wedding and a honeymoon to enjoy and that thought made her smile.

Alex was still smiling when Olivia stepped off the elevator and into the penthouse Friday afternoon.  She sat down beside her on the piano bench and Alex cradled Liv’s face in her hands, memorizing everything about it before pulling Liv’s lips to her own and stealing the very air Olivia was breathing with a hot, open-mouthed kiss.  Only when they started to slide off the piano bench did Alex pull away slightly, and then only to lean their foreheads together.

“Hi,” she whispered.

“Hi,” Liv whispered back.  “Um... I think I’m gonna go back out and come in more often if that’s the kind of greeting I can look forward to.”

“Or you could stay right here and we could pick up where we left off,” Alex offered.  “Your call, Detective.”

“I’d actually like to move this to the couch or better yet, the bedroom so we don’t slide off and break something.  But I think people might notice if we didn’t show up for rehearsal tonight.”  She paused and got up off the bench, extending a hand and pulling Alex up along side her.  “Oh... Liz has decided to take us all out afterwards, and she’s being very secretive about it.  She called the station this morning and extended the invitation to Elliot and the guys as well.”

Alex’s brows rose.  “Sounds... intriguing.”

“Well Casey and the guys seemed excited.  Guess we’ll know tonight.”

“I guess we will.”  Alex glanced at the clock then back at Olivia, her brow furrowed.  “Not that I’m complaining, mind you, but what are you doing home so early?”

“Cragen sent me.  Said my twitching was making the whole squad nervous.”

“Are you nervous about something, Detective?” Alex asked, picking up her glasses and slipping them onto her face. 

“No,” Liv replied hastily.  “But I’ll be really glad when this wedding is over with and we get to settle down and just live.”

“Perhaps we should get an early start on that.  I’m in the mood for ice cream for lunch.  Then I would like to come back here until we need to go to rehearsal.  I have a song I would like you to hear.”

“Something new?”  Alex nodded and Liv led them both back to the elevator.  “Good.  What with everything that’s been going on lately, you haven’t been playing.  I miss it.”

************

They had gone to the creamery for ice cream, then walked hand in hand through Central Park until they reached Olivia’s thinking bench.  They sat side-by-side, leaning back and watching life flow around them.  “I’ve spent a lot of time alone here,” Olivia stated, “just thinking.”

“I know,” Alex confided without looking at her.  “I knew if a case went awry or we had a blow up, I only had to come here to find you.  I spent many hours watching you - just out of sight,” pointing to an area of trees off the path, “making sure you were okay.”

“Why didn’t you ever let me know you were there?”

“No... this was your place.  I wasn’t going to come into it without an invitation unless you were in trouble.  Although I will admit there were a couple times, I nearly did.”

“Well, I’m glad you’re here with me now,” Liv admitted.  “Maybe I won’t have to come here alone anymore.”

“Only when you want to, Liv.”  Alex stood and tugged on her arm.  “Come on... I want to share my music with you, then maybe we can take a nap before we have to meet everyone at the restaurant.”

“I can’t believe your mother rented a banquet room at the Tavern on the Green for our rehearsal.”

Alex shrugged.  “She said it was easier than expecting everyone to try to get to the Hamptons house at a reasonable hour on a Friday evening.  I’m inclined to agree with her.”

“So am I,” Liv said as they entered their building.  “I just never expected....”

“I know, but it’s Mother’s favorite and she insisted.  Trust me - I am ever grateful I never had to face her in court.  My win/loss record would have been atrocious.  Now, would you like to sit beside me on the bench or....”

“I’d like to lean on the piano actually.  I’ve discovered as long as the lid is down, I can see and hear perfectly there.  On the bench, I’m in the way and on the couch I can’t see your face.  You have a very expressive countenance when you’re not wearing your game face, Counselor.”

They crossed into the penthouse and both took a moment, as they always did, to admire the warmth and hominess they had created together for themselves.  Maybe one day it would be old hat to them and they would become blasé about it; for now they would savor the newness they had in it.

Alex took a seat on the bench and Olivia leaned gracefully against the body of the piano, watching entranced as Alex limbered up her fingers by running up and down the keys before her strokes became swift and sure and changed to a haunting melody.  Then she closed her eyes and began to sing, only opening her eyes as she reached the final chorus, though she kept them firmly focused on her fingers as they danced across the keys.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up: To more than I can be.

“I was going to use that as part of my wedding vows tomorrow,” Alex said without looking up.  “But I decided it was too personal to share with anyone but you.”  A hand on her chin lifted her face until blue eyes met sparkling brown.

“That was incredible, Alex.  Thank you for sharing that with me.”  Olivia reached out and took Alex’s hand, gently urging her up from the piano bench.  “C’mon... let me show you what you do to me,” leading her to the bedroom.

They were almost late for their own rehearsal.

************

Saturday morning dawned bright and clear, but when Alex rolled over, she was alone in their big bed.  She sat up slowly and looked around, spotting Olivia out on the deck.  She wasn’t moving, content to sit with her feet propped on the railing, a distant smile on her face.  Alex slipped from the bed and wandered out to lean against the doorjamb, waiting for Liv to notice.

Almost instantly Olivia turned to her and her smile widened into a grin.  She held out her hand and Alex joined her, wrapping her arms around Olivia’s neck and brushing her lips over Liv’s cheek before dropping into the chair beside her and swiping her coffee.

“Hey!”

“Ah,” Alex said as she swallowed a mouthful.  She passed it back to Liv with a smile.  “Thanks... I needed that.”

Liv looked down into her nearly empty cup.  “So did I,” with a pout.  Alex rolled her eyes and stood up.

“Come on, you big baby.  I’ll fix you another cup,” then found her mouth being explored with a thoroughness that took every bit of coffee flavor out of Alex’s mouth.  “Wow,” she said when Olivia pulled back.  “I needed that even more.  Good morning.”

“Good morning, Sweetheart.” Liv asked as they went back inside.  The coffee machine produced cups a single serving at a time and Olivia insisted Alex get hers first.  She chuckled when Alex moaned into her cup after the first sip.  Alex just glared at her for a moment before breaking into a smile of her own. 

“So I like my coffee... sue me.”

“Nah... I’d rather marry you.”

“You do realize we may be the only two sober, hearing members of the wedding party after last night,” Alex commented drolly.

“That’s okay,” Olivia said as she swallowed the first satisfying sip of her second cup.  “We’re the only two who really need to be sober and hearing.  Besides, we have some really good blackmail material that we’ll be able to use for years to come.”  She arched an eyebrow in Alex’s direction.  “Do I wanna know how Liz knew where to find disco bowling in New York?”

“Olivia, I don’t want to know how Liz knew where to find disco bowling in New York.  But it was worth it to see Munch try to teach Fin how to dance disco.  And we have pictures.  Now come on, Detective... we have a wedding to get to.”

************

The Hamptons estate was already a beehive of activity when Alex and Olivia arrived just before lunch.  They waved to Casey and Serena who were busy working with the caterer and the decorators, then entered the house.  Elizabeth smiled and welcomed them into her home.

“I’m so glad you girls are here,” taking one of each of their hands into both of her own.  “Look at you... both glowing and so beautiful.  I’m glad last night’s festivities didn’t do any lasting damage to either of you.”  She looked around conspiratorially and chuckled.  “I’m not sure the same can be said for the rest of your compatriots.”

“Even better, Mother... we have pictures.  Are we in time for lunch?”

Elizabeth nodded.  “I was just going to call Casey, Serena and John in.  They’ve been quite busy this morning, even though I assured them there was no need.  I gave them a little hair of the dog – seemed to work wonders.”

“I’ll bet,” Liv mumbled.

“Come,” Elizabeth invited.  “Let me call them for lunch, then we can adjourn to the dining room.  Enrique should be here around three.  Your clothes are in your room, Alexandra.  Olivia, yours are in what were Alexander’s rooms.  I know,” she said, holding up her hands. “I know you’re not having a traditional type service.  I thought I would give you the option of choosing to surprise one another instead of dressing together.  Now go to the dining room.  We’ll be right in.”

Lunch was a mostly quiet affair.  Munch, Casey and Serena were still coping with the residual fun from the previous night and Alex and Olivia were too happy to tease much and after a jibe or two, they settled down to enjoy the assortment of light foods Elizabeth had had prepared.  Conversation flowed easily once their initial hunger had been sated and Casey, Munch and Serena found it helped ease away the last of their hangovers as well. Then Enrique arrived and they split up to finish making their preparations for the evening.

He went to Elizabeth first knowing she was the hostess for the evening.  Then he knocked on Alex’s door.  “Wow!” he commented softly as she bade him enter.  “Alexandra, you look stunning.”

“Not yet, Enrique – but soon.”

“You have the look of a woman in love, Alex – content and very happy.  I’m glad you found Olivia.”

“I’m glad Olivia found me.  Now... make me fabulous – sweep the hair up off my neck and very light make-up....”  She stopped speaking when his finger covered her lips.

“Trust me... I’m a professional.”  Then he settled in and got to work.  Alex just sat back and let him do his magic.  When he was done, she kissed his cheek and thanked him.  Enrique blushed and stammered and headed to Olivia’s room, secretly hoping for a repeat.  Lucky him – he got his wish and Liv grinned as he tripped out of her room and back towards the front of the house.  Elizabeth had promised him a place to change into his own formal clothing for the wedding.

Around six, people started pouring into the estate.  The wedding party was first - Elliot and Kathy arrived followed immediately by Liz Donnelly with Abbie Carmichael and Jack McCoy tagging along. The Remingtons were the first guests – easy since they were so close by, then the Branches, Don Cragen, and before long people were entering the grounds faster than Elizabeth could put names to faces.

Julia was there, as was Nita, Fin and Huang and Melinda Warner... even Lena Petrovsky had come for the nuptials.  Friends and colleagues of both women showed up in support of their union - the dissenters had been weeded out weeks before.  Soon the backyard was filled with all manner of smartly dressed people mixing and mingling with others from walks of life other than their own and finding common ground between them.

At seven o’clock, doors opened simultaneously on either side of the second floor landing and Alex and Olivia froze for a moment, taking one another in.  Though they had shopped separately for their wedding attire, they had arrived at amazingly similar outfits.  Both were a cream color – silk in nature, casual pantsuit in cut.  Alex had a long jacket, collarless, with a plunging neckline that just hinted at her cleavage and clung to her thin frame.  Olivia had opted for the shorter vest-style top that accented her breasts and toned arms with a collared jacket on top for when the evening got cooler.

Olivia’s hair was just a little wild and mussy, a look that Alex adored.  Alex’s on the other hand, was not up as she requested, but framing her face the way Liv preferred to see it.  Enrique was a very smart man.  Neither of them wore shoes, but Alex had a pearl necklace on while Liv opted for a thin gold chain.  They reached for one another, hands clasping even as their eyes roamed one another from head to foot. 

“Wow,” Liv whispered reverently.  “Alex, you look fabulous... absolutely beautiful.”

“You’re gorgeous, Liv... just breathtaking.”

Their lips met briefly, knowing they couldn’t smear lipstick or mess up hair at this point in the day.  They had an hour or so of mingling with their guests to do before the actual ceremony.  Unconventional, admittedly, but with a summer sunset wedding, it met their needs to have part of the reception ahead of time.

Hand in hand they walked down the stairs and through the house until they were standing in the French doors looking out on the friends who had gathered on the back lawn for their ceremony.  A cheer went up when they were spotted and they exchanged smiles and squeezed one another’s hands tightly before acknowledging the hail with a wave and heading down into the melee to meet and greet their guests together.

After an hour or so, about thirty minutes before sunset, Alex and Olivia separated so they could walk the beach to join one another in front of the priest who was waiting just at the waterline.  With a very few words, Elizabeth and Munch moved the congregation to the beach to watch the brief ceremony. Liz and Elliot took their places on either side of the minister and waited.

Alex came from the east and Olivia from the west and the visual was apropos to their life.  Alex walked as a beacon of light out the darkness while Olivia glowed with light as she walked into the dark.  When they reached each other, they clasped hands and the crowd closed in around them to watch their joining.

“Friends,” the minister intoned solemnly, “we have gathered today to bear witness to the union of Alexandra and Olivia – a couple whose love has survived much simply to be.  Already they understand the frailty of life and love; the loneliness of separation; the pain of death.  With that knowledge, they have made the choice to embrace the happiness and fulfillment they know together and have asked all of you to share in their joy this day.”  Alex and Olivia were only peripherally aware of his words.  They were totally focused on one another - eyes exchanging promises they had made to each other long ago and were now finally ready to speak aloud.  The priest continued to speak.  “Alexandra and Olivia have written their own vows for this occasion and it is with great pleasure that I ask them now to exchange them.”

There was a momentary lull... until Elliot elbowed Olivia and she glared at him.  Then she realized the reason for it and shrugged sheepishly and bit her lip before turning back to Alex.  She cupped Alex’s face in one hand and drew a deep breath to speak.

“When I was a little girl, I always wanted to be a princess; I never thought I’d be lucky enough to fall in love with one,” drawing a smile from Alex.  Alex brought her free hand up to cover the hand Olivia was using to caress her face.  “Alex, you have changed so much for the better in my life.  Instead of gray, I see color.  Instead of despair, I know hope.  Instead of loneliness, I have love and understanding in my life.  I promise to love you; take care of you; lend you my strength when you’re tired and comfort you when you’re sick.  I pledge to walk beside you until death and beyond; to fight passionately with you but to never go to bed angry.  I promise to always be faithful to you alone and to be a supportive and loving spouse.”  She pulled her hand from Alex’s face and captured Alex’s left hand in hers.  “From the rising of the sun to the setting of the same until time is no more... with this ring, I thee wed.”

Olivia lifted their joined hands to her lips and sealed her promise with a kiss on the ring she had just placed on Alex’s finger.  They stared for a long moment until the priest cleared his throat gently and brought their attention back to their surroundings.  “Alexandra?” he prompted.

Alex cleared her throat nervously.  Prosecuting criminals was much easier than baring her heart in front of so many, so she allowed her legendary focus to narrow to the brown eyes that were gazing at her filled with the same love she felt. 

“You wanted to be a princess. I always wanted my very own hero, but I never expected to find one in real life - certainly not carrying a gold shield and a gun with serious brown eyes.”  Olivia grinned at her and looked down bashfully until Alex lifted her chin so their eyes met again.  “Liv, you brought so much into my life.  Before you, I only existed.  You gave my life meaning and reason and taught me that caring is worth the cost.  I promise to love you; take care of you; lend you my strength when you’re tired and comfort you when you’re sick.  I pledge to walk beside you until death and beyond; to fight passionately with you but to never go to bed angry.  I promise to always be faithful to you alone and to be a supportive and loving spouse.”  She turned and accepted Olivia’s ring from Liz, then slid it onto Liv’s finger.  “From the rising of the sun to the setting of the same until time is no more... with this ring, I thee wed.”

Alex lifted their joined hands to her lips and sealed her promise with a kiss.  After another minute of silent promises, they turned back to the minister who smiled at them benevolently. 

“When two people come together in love – heart to heart, body to body, soul to soul and mind to mind – they create something beautiful.  I consider it a privilege to bless all these unions, and despite what bigots and nay sayers would like to believe, I don’t believe God condemns love.  So by the power vested in me, and in front of this vast company of family and friends, I am happy to pronounce you well and truly married to one another - to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do you part.  Ladies, you may kiss your bride.”

As the sun touched the horizon, they stepped closer to one another, each of them dropping one hand to the other’s hip.  Using their free hand to cup the other’s face, they looked into one another’s eyes before brushing their lips once, twice, then allowing the kiss to become passionate.  It went on until the crowd around them started to whoop and cheer.  Slowly the kiss wound down and they pulled apart and leaned their foreheads together.

“I love you,” Olivia said softly.  “Forever.”

Alex smirked.  “Well, that’s a start, Detective.  We can negotiate terms later.  And for the record, I love you too... always,” Alex replied.

Olivia couldn’t help it – she laughed and she and Alex hugged tightly.  The priest held up his hands and waited for the applause to die down.  “Ladies and gentlemen, it is my great privilege to present to you the new Cabot-Benson family... Mrs. Alexandra and Mrs. Olivia Cabot-Benson.”

Another cheer rose and the brides, blushing and all, turned to hug Elliot and Liz before leading the crowd back to the lawn.  They went straight to the cake, decorated in gold leaf and topped with a personalized topper, complete with badge, gun, briefcase and glasses of justice.

They stopped short... looking at it and exchanging smirks before turning to Munch and applauding him.  He accepted the accolades from them with a bow.  Then Alex and Olivia proceeded to cut the cake, feeding one another with a tender devotion most had not expected from two such volatile personalities.  Then they shared a sip of champagne before walking to the dance floor hand in hand.  Alex smiled when the song started playing and rested her forehead against Olivia’s.  Liv had asked to be able to choose the music for their first dance together.  Tim McGraw’s voice washed over them and they moved around the floor in a world of their own.

“You think they’ll last?” Kathy asked Elliot as Alex and Olivia slowly danced to the music.

“I think they have a better chance than most,” he answered honestly.  “They’ve been through so much just to be together.  I don’t think they’ll let anything tear them apart.”

“Like we did?”  Elliot shrugged and nodded, keeping his eyes on the newlyweds.  “Maybe we should try again then,” Kathy stated matter-of-factly.

“Really?” Elliot said, raising his eyes to hers.

“Really,” she replied, wrapping her hands around his arm and leaning her head on his shoulder.  He covered her hands with his and grinned.  And when the song changed, he led her out onto the dance floor and they danced.

After half an hour or so, Elliot stepped to the mic and tapped his glass.  “If I could have everyone’s attention – before my partner and her bride take off for... parts unknown,” catching Olivia’s glare before he revealed the location of their honeymoon, “I’d like to ask you all to raise your glasses in a toast.”  Everyone complied and Elliot turned to face Alex and Olivia.  “To two women who mean so much to so many here and everything to each other – may your yesterdays be the worst of your tomorrows and may you always know the happiness that you feel together today.  Cheers.”

“Cheers,” the assembly responded.

Alex and Liv saluted them in kind then Alex stepped up to the mic.  “Thank you... all of you... for not only welcoming me back into your homes and hearts but also for sharing in this day with Olivia and me.  It means a lot to both of us to know so many people do care.  Now please stay and enjoy our hospitality.  We have a plane to catch.”

She took Liv’s hand and they disappeared back into the house to prepare to leave for the airport.  They had a honeymoon to start.


Epilogue

“That was a nice send off,” Olivia commented as she and Alex buckled in for take-off.  “I wonder who came up with the idea for rose petals instead of birdseed.”

“I don’t know, but I like it – much more romantic than getting pegged with birdseed.”

The plane shuddered as it rolled down the runway, and in mere moments they were airborne and headed to Italy.

When the captain issued the all clear, they unstrapped themselves and Alex moved to speak to the stewards.  Then she locked the door and stalked towards Olivia like a lioness after her prey.  “Now, Detective....” she said, kicking off her shoes and slowly unbuttoning her long coat.  “We have quite a long flight ahead of us.  Any suggestions on how we can spend our time?”

Olivia rose from her seat and slid her hands over Alex’s bare skin, running them up from her waist in a teasing pattern until she reached Alex’s breasts.  She let her thumbs torment the hardened nipples still hidden beneath lace before they moved on to trace the prominent collarbone and up to the strong, firm jaw.  When she reached Alex’s lips, Liv gasped when her fingers were sucked into the hot, wet cavern of Alex’s mouth as Alex showed her exactly what her ideas for passing the time involved.  After a moment of this intimate seduction, Olivia’s lips replaced her fingers and she pushed Alex’s open jacket to the floor and opened the lace bra that stood between her and her first goal of the evening.  It took her a minute to realize that while she had been focused on getting Alex naked, Alex’s focus had been on achieving the same with her, and their torsos met in an explosion of skin on skin.  Alex reverently traced the scar on Olivia’s belly until, impatient with the teasing touch, Liv stripped off their pants and guided them back to the couch to explore one another to ecstasy.  They did so slowly and with great attention to detail, revisiting places with touches that caused them to shudder out their first orgasm as a married couple together.  When they came down from the bliss of their union, they cuddled upon the couch and basked in the afterglow.

“God, I love you,” Liv said as she pulled a light blanket over them, having been specifically put on the back of the couch for that purpose.  “Do you think it will always be so good between us?”

“No, Sweetheart,” Alex answered seriously.  “I think it’s only going to get better.  We have a lifetime to work on it.  We have a lifetime to love and explore and live like we were dying.”

“At least we know where we’re involved it will never, ever be boring.  I’m looking forward to that,” Liv confirmed. 

“So am I, Liv... so am I.”

As they headed towards the dawn of a new day, Alex and Olivia settled down into a sleep no longer plagued by nightmares of the past, but dreams filled with possibilities of the future.

And on Monday morning - when Munch, Casey and Serena all walked into the precinct together sporting scarves and turtleneck sweaters - the rest were left to wonder about what other possibilities might unfold for the people who called the one-six home.

THE END
02/07 – 06/07