Chapter XII

“Alex, do you have a minute?”

Alex looked up as Liz Donnelly stuck her head in the door, then back down at her desk.  The truth was she had plenty to do, but it was mostly busy work at this point.  Her new nestlings had reported in and had already started working; her main job seemed to be answering inane questions.  Had she ever been that green and naïve?  The migraine she had building behind her eyes made her rue the day she had agreed to take the Bureau Chief’s job.  It also made Liz’s interruption most welcome, regardless of the reason.  So she motioned Liz into her office, taking off her glasses and leaning back in her chair.

“Have a seat, Liz.  What can I do for you?”

Liz looked Alex over carefully.  In many ways, she was still the formidable, cocky lawyer that used to consistently drive Liz nuts; but underneath the veneer of self-confidence Alex projected, Liz could see a fragileness and vulnerability that hadn’t been there before.

“Not a thing, actually,” Liz answered.  “I came to check on you,” she continued unapologetically.

Alex’s brows rose into her hairline.  “You think I can’t do this job?”

Liz snorted.  “Don’t be stupid!  Of course you can do this job.  I’m just not sure it’s the right job for you now.  You’re pushing too hard to get back into a life that doesn’t exist anymore.  Is everything all right or is there something I can help with?”

Alex returned Liz’s scrutiny.  For all their head butting, Liz had always backed her up whenever she could, even though she’d had to work hard not to laugh too much when Petrovsky had locked Alex up for contempt.  While Alex was still trying to formulate an honest answer that she was satisfied with, Liz spoke again, leaning forward in her earnestness.

“Are things all right between you and Detective Benson?”  She held up her hands when blue eyes blazed at her.  “I think it’s about time for the two of you to be happy together; personally I never could figure out what was holding you back before... I mean aside from the obvious.”

“The obvious was enough then, Liz.”

“And it’s not enough now?”

“No.  I lost three years with Olivia – friendship or otherwise - that I’ll never get back.  Life’s too short to worry about what other people think or let that influence the way you live your life.”

“So this is serious with her then.”  A statement, not a question.  Alex nodded, then pulled something out of her drawer and passed it over to Liz.  Donnelly accepted the paperwork, letting her eyes widen when she realized what she held.  “Wow,” was what she said as she handed them back to Alex.  “Can I ask when...?” vaguely motioning with her hands.

“I don’t know yet.  When it feels like the time is right, I guess.”

“Good for you.  I hope it works out for both of you.  You seem to have something together....”  Liz trailed off.  “It’s good to know sometimes there are second chances.”

“Thanks, Liz,” Alex said with a smile, sitting back and relaxing in her seat a bit.

“So you want to tell me what’s bothering you?  Because I know something is.”

“Why do you think that?” Alex asked.

Liz stood and leaned over the desk.  “I’m a tough old broad, and I’ve been around this business a long, LONG time.  I learned when I was still wet behind the ears to notice everything that went on around here just to survive.  I know enough secrets... well, let’s just say no one here is squeaky clean and leave it at that.  The point is,” she continued before Alex could break in with questions, “I remember the hard-assed, obnoxious kid you were when you started working for me.  And I can see you lost that edge and drive while you were gone.  You’ve still got a lot of friends, Alex.  Just know I’m here if and when you need to talk about it, all right?  I know I’m not Detective Benson, but I probably understand the job in this place a little better than she does.”

“Thanks, Liz.  I’ll keep that in mind.”

Liz moved to the door and hesitated with her hand on the knob.  “One more thing,” she added, holding Alex’s eyes with her own.  “Be careful.  There are some rumors and gossip floating around that could spell trouble for you and your detective.”

Blue eyes that had shown confusion sharpened and drilled into Liz’s.  “Like what?”

“Nothing concrete,” Liz confessed.  “Mostly rumblings right now, but it’s there.  I thought you needed to be aware.  I’ll let you know if I hear anything definite.”  A pause.  “Alex, I know for a fact there are a lot of people who were less than thrilled with your return to the DA’s office and your subsequent promotion.  That coupled with the fact that you apparently threw over your fiancé so you and Benson could have what many perceive to be an illicit relationship and you have the nerve to be happy together in it....  Just watch your back, all right?”

“I will, Liz.  Thanks for the warning.”

Liz nodded her head, and after another moment’s hesitation, walked out the door, closing it softly behind her.  Alex stared at the closed door a minute longer, then turned her attention back to the work in front of her.  She’d talk to Olivia later when they were alone.  She refused to live in fear anymore, but Liv needed to be aware of what was being said.  It could mean trouble for them down the line and at least this way, they could prepare for the worst.

************

“We’ve got nothing, Cap.”

“Whaddya mean we’ve got nothing, Olivia?  It’s been three weeks.  The guys put all the facts together on a spreadsheet.  There’s gotta be something we can use.  What does your gut tell you?”

“That there isn’t even enough to merit an argument with Casey for a warrant.  The only tie our victims have is that they were once associated with Velez in some way and they were all sexually violated before they were killed.  They were different ages, races, from different backgrounds and economics.  They were all raped differently, all murdered differently.  Warner says there’s no DNA evidence at the scene and the bodies were washed clean which suggests they were moved from where they were killed to where they were found.”

“And no one saw anything,” Cragen stated flatly.  Olivia shook her head.

“No; we canvassed the entire neighborhood twice. And the beat cops in the area have been talking to people.  There’s nothing there.”

Cragen sighed.  “Go do it again.  Find somebody that saw something.”

“Cap, there’s nothing there to find... not after all this time.”

“Liv, we got a call,” Stabler broke in.  She looked at Cragen and he shook his head and waved her off.  “Go on; we both know the odds of getting anything concrete on this case now aren’t good.  You can keep working it as other cases allow.”

“Yes sir.”  Then she headed out the door with Elliot.

They arrived at the scene to find Fin and Munch waiting for them.  Olivia cocked an eyebrow; Elliot voiced his question.  “What gives?”

Fin shook his head.  “It’s bad, man.  And we needed Liv on this one.”

“Why?”

“Thirteen year old victim,” Munch replied, looking at his notes.  “Apparently killed her rapist. She’s still inside with the body.  She hasn’t responded to anyone – not us or the uniforms that answered the call and we asked the paramedics to give us a chance to let you talk to her first, Liv,” motioning to the two men waiting patiently by their equipment.  “We’re hoping she might react better to a woman’s presence.”

Liv nodded and handed her gun to Elliot for safekeeping.  Then she stepped into the room and took a moment to compose herself before crossing to the side of the bed where a blood-covered child sat mute and unmoving in the face of a horror no one should have to witness... much less be a part of.

The male detectives followed Olivia in silently – Munch and Fin to examine the body and Stabler to watch her back.  After a few moments, the girl was covered in a sheet the paramedics provided and Olivia was able to coax her into the back of the vehicle.

When they arrived at the precinct, Casey was waiting for them as was Alex.  Olivia wondered, but decided to be thankful for small blessings and ask questions later.  Alex rubbed Liv’s arm wordlessly, then to everyone’s surprise, she knelt down to be just below eye level with the girl who had stopped walking and looked at Alex silently.  Alex didn’t speak and neither did the child; then the girl reached out her hand and pushed a lock of blonde hair behind Alex’s ear before resuming her walk beside Olivia to the interview room.  Casey followed and Alex went into the box with the other detectives.

It didn’t take long, and the girl was turned over to a woman who had been patiently waiting in the interrogation room with Casey and Olivia.  Alex wondered who she was and why she was there, but just as suddenly the woman and the girl were gone.  Olivia met Alex as she came out the door of the box.  Alex’s arms were wrapped around herself and she looked a little lost.  Olivia exchanged concerned looks with the rest of the squad and led Alex over to her desk, then knelt down beside her.

“Alex... Sweetheart?  You all right?”

After a moment, blue eyes tracked to brown and Alex nodded her blonde head slowly.  “I’ll be okay, Liv,” she agreed after a moment.  “It’s just been a long time....” letting her voice trail off. “And I know what it’s like to be a victim now though not to that extent.”  Her eyes welled with tears that she refused to permit to fall.  “God, Liv... that was horrific.”

Olivia nodded and swallowed, glad the girl had been allowed to clean up at the hospital.  “Yes, it was.  And it’s something she’ll never forget, Alex – just like you.  But she’s in good hands now.  She has a very good chance of surviving this and leading a productive life.”

“I’m glad she has someone, and I’m glad I have you.”

Olivia took Alex’s hands and rose before guiding Alex to stand up.  “C’mon.  Let’s go get you some coffee and maybe a bite to eat.”  Liv exchanged a silent look with Cragen and he nodded his assent.  Before they reached the door however, Casey spoke up haltingly.

“Um, Alex?  What were you doing here for this anyway?”  Every eye in the room swung her way and Casey felt the intensity of their focus.   Every eye except George Huang, that is.  He was watching Alex Cabot and saw the confusion wash over her face even as Casey continued speaking.  “Not that you don’t belong here, of course....”

“I don’t belong here, though.  Not for this... not anymore,” Alex said, shaking her head lightly.  “I just got the feeling I needed to be here.”  She paused and furrowed her brow in thought.  Then she shrugged.  “I didn’t hesitate; I didn’t even think about it.  I dropped everything and came right over.”

The detectives traded looks, conveying their thoughts without speaking.  Then the room moved into motion again.  Cragen tapped Casey’s shoulder and she followed him into the office.  Munch and Tutuola sat down at their desks and started making phone calls.  And Olivia took Alex by the elbow and together with Stabler they headed for the coffee and food Alex had been promised.

“May I join you?” George asked just as they reached the door.  He looked at Alex and the two detectives just waited for her decision.  After a moment’s hesitation, she nodded and the four of them headed out of the precinct together.

************

By unspoken agreement, Alex and George walked out towards the sedan together while Olivia and Elliot brought up the rear.  Liv kept an eye on Alex and Elliot kept an eye on Olivia.  Huang was conscious of everyone around him, but his focus remained on Alex.  Alex just kept her gaze on something George suspected only she could see.

“How are you doing, Alex?  Really?”

She turned and looked at him, a hint of the old, sardonic Alex peeking out at him and garnering her a smile.  Her lips twitched in response and she shrugged.  “I’m all right most of the time,” she said, looking around at the city.  “It’s so good to be home, to be me again.  But it’s also surreal.  I’m not who I was when I left.”

They reached the car and the two detectives climbed in front to allow George and Alex to continue their conversation in some semblance of privacy.  This wasn’t the way Olivia had imagined things playing out, but if it helped Alex, then it was all to the good in Liv’s book. “None of us are, Alex,” Huang replied softly.  “Life went on while you were gone, and we went on with it.” 

Instead of the fiery retort he expected, her answer was melancholy.  “I know, George.  I just wish I knew how I fit into it now.  It’s been almost a month since I came back, and still....”  Huang waited for her to continue, but all Alex did was shrug and shake her head.

“How are things between you and Olivia?”  She jerked an eyebrow at him and it was Huang’s turn to shrug sheepishly.  “That made it around faster than your supposed engagement... obviously that’s one rumor that wasn’t true.”

“It’s complicated....”

“Of course,” with a smile.

“But things with Olivia have been wonderful – very solid even though we are still tentatively feeling our way into this new facet of our relationship.”  She paused.  “George, why are you asking me all this?  You’re not my therapist.”

“Part of it is professional concern,” he acknowledged.  “But part of it is concern for a woman I knew as a friend and colleague.  Are you seeing someone professionally?”

Alex shook her head.  “No.  Things have been so crazy, I haven’t had the time to look for anyone; I wouldn’t know where to start.  Is there someone you can recommend?”

George nodded.  “Sure.  Do you want someone for couples or just for you?” 

Alex looked at Olivia who was watching her closely in the passenger mirror.  She arched a brow and Liv shrugged slightly and gave Alex the tiniest nod.  George watched the silent communication in fascination.  Considering how new they were to a romantic relationship, their ability to speak without words was astounding.

“Couples,” Alex said.  “We want to deal with this together as much as we can.  If it looks like I need more on my own, I’ll worry about it then.

Huang nodded.  “Can you come back to my office after lunch?  I’ll give you a few names to try.”

“Thanks, George,” was all the agreement he got before Elliot was putting the sedan in park and they were all moving towards the restaurant.  He opened the door for the restaurant and motioned everyone in ahead of him.  Olivia hung back and Elliot took the hint, going inside to grab them a table.  Alex and Liv swapped glances, then Alex followed.

“Thank you, George,” Benson offered quietly.  Huang just nodded his head.

“I’m glad to do it, Olivia.  Alex is one of the good guys... and so are you.  Besides, what you share is obviously very special.”  She held his eyes but couldn’t stop the blush that faintly colored her cheeks.  They crossed the threshold when people trying to enter behind them jostled them through the door.  Olivia glared and George frowned but they entered and scanned the room for Elliot and Alex.  Stabler waved them over and they both acknowledged him before proceeding to thread their way through the tables.

Then they settled down to lunch and conversation became more general.  It was surprisingly pleasant and they were all much more relaxed by the time it was over.  It was with reluctance, but unexpectedly refreshed that they finally broke up and headed back to the real world.

************

“How do you feel?” Olivia asked Alex later that evening as they were curled up together on the couch.  The television was on, but it only registered as so much background noise, they were so wrapped up in one another.  Alex gazed into Olivia’s deep brown eyes, reaching up to cup the face that radiated such love and concern Alex felt it wash over her in waves.

“Cared for... loved,” smiling when Liv’s lips twitched and an eyebrow rose into her hairline.  Alex let her hands comb through the short strands.  “And completely exhausted, if you must know the truth.  I don’t remember ever being as young or as naïve as these kids are.  God, what are they letting out of law school these days?!”

“Listen to the old crone,” Liv mocked lightly.  “Remember, I’ve got ten years on you, Sweetheart.”

“Yeah, but they look good on you.”

Olivia brushed a kiss across Alex’s forehead and felt a little of the tension in Alex’s body relax slightly.  “Flatterer,” she said with a smile.  “How about otherwise?  I know today was pretty traumatic.  I’m glad you talked to George about it.”

“I’m glad he was able to recommend someone for us to go see.  Thank you for that, by the way.”

“I told you we’d work on this together, Alex.  I meant it.”  A brief silence.  Then, “Why did you really come to the station?  Not that you weren’t welcome – I did want to see you after I saw that little girl....” letting her words trail off.  “But you never did that... before – I mean....”  Olivia fell silent again as if not sure how to phrase her statement.  Alex shrugged and cuddled closer into Olivia’s body, relishing warmth and strength when Olivia wrapped her arms more firmly around Alex’s shoulders and lending her own to Liv in return.

“I’m not sure.  I just had this urge to check on you... see if maybe you wanted to go to lunch. It might have been what Liz said to me this morning.”

Olivia frowned.  “What did she say?”

“Nothing for you to get upset about, Honey,” Alex said soothingly.  “She’s on our side.  She just wanted me to know not everyone in the DA’s office is.”

Olivia snorted.  “No surprise there.  I doubt most of the NYPD would be either if they knew the truth.  We’re lucky our immediate circle of friends don’t seem to care.”

“That’s because they are real friends.”

“Good thing – I’d have needed to kill them otherwise by now.”  Alex jerked her head back and looked into Olivia’s eyes.  “They’ve been keeping an eye on us.”

“That’s sweet, Liv.  I think Casey and Liz have been doing the same thing for me.  I’d never admit this to anyone but you, but it’s kind of a nice feeling... knowing there are people who care enough to be concerned and take an interest.”

“Did Casey say something too?”

“No, but she has made it a point to keep in touch – you know, just look in to say hi at some point during every day.”

“She probably still remembers what it was like to be the new kid... especially trying to fill your shoes.”

Alex nodded.  “That could be.  Whatever the reason though, I appreciate the gesture.  She’s becoming a real friend and a person can never have too many of those.”

Olivia agreed with a nod and squeezed Alex a little tighter.  They remained snuggled together for a while, then Alex shifted and slid onto Olivia’s lap.  Liv smiled and accepted the new position graciously as it allowed her to caress most of Alex’s body, although she kept her touch light and soothing.  When Alex started dropping kisses down her neck, her hands reflexively gripped around Alex’s waist. 

“I thought you were exhausted,” Liv commented on an uneven breath that turned into a squawk when the nipping became a bite, then deliberate sucking on her pulse point.

“This makes me feel better,” Alex asserted.  “Besides, I have missed you all week.”

“I’ve missed you, too, Sweetheart.”  Olivia chuckled, then drew in a sharp breath when Alex bit her nipple through her shirt.  She looked up at Alex in surprise.  Thus far their lovemaking had been slow and gentle while they learned more about one another.  Though they had been together just under a month, the last week had seen Olivia working several sixteen and twenty hour days, and there was obviously a lot they still had to learn.

“You bit me!” Olivia stated, but Alex could see she wasn’t particularly unhappy about the turn of events and smirked.

“I had to do something to keep your attention; it was evidently wandering if you found the need to laugh during foreplay.”

The very next sound was that of buttons popping and bouncing around the room.  Alex looked down at her now very open and clearly ripped oxford shirt, then into Olivia’s sparkling brown eyes.  She hissed in reaction when Liv dragged her blunt nails from the waistband of her sweatpants up her torso, tweaking both nipples before continuing on to thread her hands into the shoulder length blonde hair.  She tugged Alex down until their lips were just short of touching.

“You have my complete and undivided attention, Counselor,” Olivia declared in a harsh whisper.  “You always have.”  Then she caught Alex’s lips in a fiery kiss and pulled their bodies together until there wasn’t even room for air between them.

When they finally separated for air, Alex clasped Liv’s face in both hands and growled, “Bedroom now, Detective!”  She slid from Olivia’s lap and Liv rose right behind her.  Alex grabbed Olivia’s hand and pulled her down the short hallway to the bedroom.  Two steps short, Liv scooped Alex up unexpectedly and tossed her on the bed.  Alex gasped but didn’t have time to react before Olivia followed, leaping onto the bed and straddling Alex’s prone body.

“Now, Ms Cabot... do I have your complete and undivided attention?” Liv trailed her fingers lightly up Alex’s body from hip to breast, leaning down and smiling when Alex twitched in reaction.  She circled her naval and watched the blue eyes darken and the nostrils flare.  Then she found herself on the bottom of the pile when Alex deftly flipped them over.

“Absolutely, Detective Benson.  Do I still have yours?”  But before Olivia could formulate a response, Alex took possession of both her mouth and body and proceeded to ravish her thoroughly – an experience Olivia was more than happy to reciprocate... once she caught her breath and her bearings.

************

“So you want to tell me what was so funny earlier?” Alex asked when she and Olivia were snuggled together naked under the covers.

“What?  Oh....  Nothing really; it just occurred to me that as much as I missed you everyday while you were in witness protection, it couldn’t compare to how badly I missed you this last week.  I’m just glad I got to hold you for a few hours every night.”

“So I am.  I have gotten quite addicted to being with you.  I don’t plan to ever give that up again.”

“Sounds like you’re thinking long term there, Counselor,” shifting to look Alex directly in the eyes.  Alex met her stare without missing a beat.

“As long term as you’re willing to commit to, Liv.”

Olivia reached out to cup Alex’s face with one hand.  “Are you sure, Alex?  This is still so new to us, and being Alex Cabot again is new to you.  I don’t want you to feel I rushed you into making a decision you’ll regret later.  I love you too much for that.  I can wait....”

“I already did that, Liv - three years of waiting... of marking time til I could come home.  I promised myself that if I got a second chance with you, I was going to make the most of it.”

“If it’s left up to me, it’ll be a forever kind of thing, Alex.”

“I like the sound of that, Liv – forever sounds just perfect to me.”  Then their lips met again and the silence gave way to the sounds of love and passion as they pledged themselves to one another once more.


Chapter XIII

The ringing of her phone brought Olivia out of what until that moment had been an extremely restful sleep.  She grabbed the phone off the bedside table before it could wake Alex.  “Benson,” she answered softly, feeling a wave of arousal wash through her when Alex shifted to fit Olivia’s new position.  She wrapped her free arm around Alex’s body and let her fingers gently caress the skin she could reach, smiling when Alex mewled in response.

“Ms Benson – this is Julia Rothschild.  Alexandra Cabot had asked me to stop by your apartment this morning, but no one answered my knock and she’s not picking up her cell phone either.  I was hoping you might be able to put me in touch with her since this is the only other number I have to contact her unless I wait until Monday.  Her mother is not answering,” she added before Olivia could ask.

Liv scrubbed a hand over her face trying to force a bit more wakefulness into her brain.  The lassitude she felt throughout her body was pleasant but it did nothing to make her coherent.  She cleared her throat and looked at the clock, noting with a mixture of amusement and chagrin that it was nearly eleven a.m.

“Shit,” she muttered, though not quietly enough for Julia to miss the mortification in her tone.  “I’m sorry.  We um... we overslept.  Could we meet you in an hour?”

Julia couldn’t keep the smile out of her voice.  “Certainly.  How about I meet the two of you somewhere for lunch?”

“There’s a place called Nita’s just down from my apartment.”

“I’ll find it and meet you there at noon.”  Julia Rothschild hung up the phone before Liv could answer.  Liv looked at the phone a moment longer before shrugging and putting it back on the charger.  A light stroking up her ribs made her look down into sleepy blue eyes.

“What was that all about?”  Olivia altered her position until she was cradling Alex beneath her, but before she could respond to Alex’s question, her lips were captured in a brief but intense kiss.  “Good morning,” Alex whispered, smiling at the dazed look on Liv’s face.

“Hi,” Olivia smiled back, tracing Alex’s lips and sucking in a breath when Alex caught her fingers in pearly white teeth.  Liv cleared her throat again, hoping to gather enough moisture in her mouth to talk without squeaking.  “Um, did you forget to tell me about meeting with Julia Rothschild today?”

Alex jerked upright and only Olivia’s quick reflexes kept her jaw from being cracked by Alex’s blonde head.  “Shit!  Dammit!  Oh, Liv... I’m so sorry.  She called me yesterday before... everything... and it totally slipped my mind.  I meant to tell....”

Her words were cut off when Olivia covered her lips.  “Alex, it’s okay. But we should probably get up and get going.  I told her we’d meet her for lunch at noon and it’s already eleven.”  She chuckled at the comical widening of Alex’s eyes.  “We’re just going to Nita’s.  So c’mon and get up.  The sooner we tell her what we want the sooner she can find us a place big enough for you to have a piano.”

Alex removed the hand from her lips and brushed a kiss over Olivia’s knuckles.  “You’re really excited about this, aren’t you?”

“Well, yeah,” Olivia answered instantly.  Then her brow furrowed in confusion.  “Aren’t you?”

“So much,” Alex confirmed.  “Finally my life is starting to make sense again; what I spent years dreaming about and hoping for is within my grasp.  I’m grabbing on with both hands and holding on tight.  No more letting go.”

“All right... I guess that means you’ll have to take a shower with me then.  It’s gonna be a little hard to explain to Branch why we need to move your desk to the one-six though,” Liv teased gently.  “I guess I could handcuff us together and lose the key.”

“Don’t tempt me, Detective.  I can think of several things I would like to do with your handcuffs and we don’t have time for that right now.”  Alex stood and took Olivia’s slack hand, pulling her to her feet with no trouble.  It was an interesting shower to say the least.

************

Julia Rothschild was waiting for them when they walked up to Nita’s front door.  Alex couldn’t stop the blush that rose at Julia’s knowing smirk, but she managed to introduce Olivia and Julia before ushering them inside and back to what Alex was fast learning was Liv’s table.

Nita greeted them with a wave before marching back to their table.  “Hello, Olivia... chica,” squeezing Alex’s shoulder lightly.  “Who is your new friend?”

“Nita, this is Julia Rothschild.”

“It is good to meet you, Julia.  I am Nita,” she cut in before Alex could finish her introduction.  Julia accepted her hand with a smile.  She liked the woman’s outgoing personality.  “Now what can I get for you?  Three Olivia Specials?”  Olivia and Alex nodded enthusiastically, then Alex turned to Julia.

“Do you feel adventurous?”  Julia’s eyes widened, but she nodded gamely.  Alex turned back to Nita.  “Make it three specials, Nita.”

“And I will bring extra napkins,” the proprietress added with a smile before walking away.

“Should I even ask?” Julia inquired as she placed a legal pad on the table.

“Probably not,” Liv stated.  “Just sit back and enjoy.”

“And in the meantime we can give you the specifics of what we are looking for in a new place.  Now that we’ve made a definite decision to move, we’d like to find something as quickly as possible.”

Julia delicately cleared her throat.  “Do you hate where you are living now, Alexandra?”  Alex shook her head and looked at Olivia who also gave Julia a negative response.  “Then don’t be so impatient.  You’ve waited this long to find something new together; take your time and make sure you get what you both want.  It’s a lifetime investment.”

“Makes sense, Alex,” Liv commented, focusing Alex’s attention on her.  “Much as I can’t wait to hear you play again, I’d rather not end up with something we’re not gonna be totally happy with.”

“I know,” Alex agreed reluctantly.  “I just feel like doing this is what I need to do... what we need to do to finally close out the old chapter of our lives and really begin the new.  Does that make sense?”

Olivia covered Alex’s hand.  “Yeah, it does.  Look at this as the first step.  We’ll get there at whatever pace we choose, Alex, but we will get there.”

“I love you,” simple and heartfelt.

Olivia smiled.  “Damn good thing.  I’d hate for this to be one-sided.”

Julia cleared her throat delicately.  “As lovely as it is to be a witness of what should probably be a private moment between the two of you, I think Nita is headed over with our lunch.”  She blinked and her mouth dropped open.  “How... what... what is that?”

Alex and Olivia chuckled and Nita laughed out loud as she put the plates on the table.  “This is an ‘Olivia Special’.  Guaranteed to make you a believer after just one bite.”

Julia blinked again but didn’t argue, accepting the plate and watching both Olivia and Alex dig in with relish.  Surrendering to the inevitable, Julia shrugged and followed suit, taking the towel from Nita and tucking it into her collar before tucking into her meal.  Her moan of satisfaction brought grins from both Alex and Olivia and then nothing was heard for a long time while the three ate.

When they were done, Julia pulled her tablet back out and proceeded to take down every single detail regarding the place they were looking for.  They had a very clear idea of what they wanted; now it was time for Julia to find it.

“Well, ladies... it has been a very educational and a surprisingly pleasant dining experience, but I think I have everything I need to get started.  So,” pulling out her wallet and snatching the check from the table.  “Let me go get to work.  I’ll call you as soon as I have something for you to look at.”

Olivia tried to take the check from her, but Alex’s hand on her arm caused her to look down.  “Don’t try, Sweetheart.  It’s a business expense for her.”

“In that case, thank you for lunch, Julia.  And thank you for coming to us despite the fact we made you wait until lunch.  It’s been nice to meet you.”

“Oh you too, my dear... well worth the wait.  You certainly lived up to the reputation Alexandra attributed to you.” She smiled at the light flush she could see traversing up Olivia’s dark skin and turned her attention to Alex.  “And you,” pointing a finger, “you hang on to this one.  She’s the real deal, Alex... a definite keeper.”

“Thanks, Julia.  You bet I am.  She’s the best thing to ever happen to me.”

They both turned and looked at Liv who was doing her best not to squirm under their scrutiny.  Julia took pity on the detective and pulled Alex into her arms.  “Your father would have approved, Dear.  She seems well-suited to you... and you to her.”

“We are; she makes me happy.”

“Good – stay that way.”  And with those parting words, Julia scooted out the door, stopping briefly at the front to pay the bill.  She waved as she stepped out the door, then disappeared from sight.  Before they could even make a move to leave, Alex’s phone rang.  She frowned.

“It’s my mother.”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing.”

“It wouldn’t be normally, but she was supposed to be in the Hamptons.”  She glanced at Olivia.  “She never calls when she is in the Hamptons unless there is an emergency.  Alex flipped open her phone.  “Mother?”  Silence and Alex pulled the phone from her ear to make sure she was connected.  “Mom, what’s wrong?  Why are you calling?”  A pause while she listened to Elizabeth’s end of the conversation, her hands clenching into fists and her eyes snapping fire.  Olivia swiftly moved to lend her support, grateful when Alex relaxed back into her.  Whatever Alex was hearing, her anger was directed somewhere else.

“All right, mom... thanks.  We’ll take care of it.  Love you too – bye.”

Alex snapped the phone shut and leaned further into Olivia’s embrace for a long moment before straightening up and turning to look into deep brown eyes.

“Can we get out of here?”

For answer, Liv extended her hand and they threaded their way to the door, saying goodbye to Nita and picking up a bag of her cookies as they left.  Even on the street, Alex didn’t release Olivia’s hand, and so they walked hand in hand until they were back at the apartment.

“What’s wrong?” Liv asked gently as soon as the door was closed behind them.  Alex closed her eyes and took a deep breath, willing herself to calmness before speaking.

“That was my mother.  There is some sort of big party going on in the Hamptons tonight.  Not that that is anything new – it’s why she went in the first place.  Several times a year different families host a huge get together so they can hobnob and gossip and drink themselves stupid - you know,” waving her hands around. Olivia nodded her comprehension.  “Mother has always gone because she picks up the best dirt,” Alex said dryly, smirking in Olivia’s direction.  Liv raised an eyebrow.  “I know... society politics is smarmy.”

Olivia snorted.  “All politics are smarmy.”  Alex conceded the statement with a shrug and a nod.  “So what did Elizabeth say to set you off so badly?”

“Apparently Robert showed up there this morning.”

“And?” Liv asked after a long pause.  “I know you’re still pissed over his presumption, but he hasn’t been around since I tossed him out on his ass, has he?  I know Hammond hasn’t mentioned anything about him on the occasion I’ve seen him.”

That statement brought Alex up short.  “You’ve seen Hammond?”

“Yeah,” Liv shrugged.  “He’s asked to be kept in the loop with that string of rape/murders that seems to be tied to Velez.  We don’t tend to talk much beyond the case, but if there was a threat to you, even from one of the supposed ‘good guys’, I think he’d at least mention it.”

Alex bit her lip and came to a decision.  “I think I’ll call Agent Hammond.  It’s time to find out just what the hell is going on here.”

************

“Detective Benson... Ms Cabot?” Hammond greeted as he sort of collapsed on the opposite side of the tree they were currently stretched out beneath.  Actually, Olivia sat propped against the tree ostensibly reading a book with Alex’s head comfortably ensconced in her lap.  Alex had a legal pad and pen resting on her belly, but her eyes were closed, absorbing the sensations of Liv’s hands running through her hair.  Hammond kept his eyes studiously away from them, wiping the sweat from his face and sucking down water from the bottle he carried.  “What can I do for you ladies?”

“You can start at the beginning and tell us exactly who Robert Claiborne is and what he is supposed to be doing and why I ended up in the middle of the screw up his assignment seems to have become.”

Hammond sighed.  “What happened now?”  He continued before Alex could reply.  “I will answer your questions, but obviously something happened recently to precipitate your call to me.”

“Robert showed up at my mother’s place in the Hamptons this morning.  She didn’t let him in, of course – they haven’t actually been introduced to one another. She did say, however, that he indicated that he was a serious part of my life and that he would see her this evening.”

“What happens this evening?”

“There’s a big blowout at the Remington estate.  Most of New York Society and a lot of movers and shakers from Washington will be there.”

Hammond blew out a breath.  “Damn,” he muttered, the epithet causing Alex to stiffen and Olivia to hesitate in her combing.  “All right,” he finally breathed out.  “I guess it’s time you knew the whole story.” 

Alex and Olivia exchanged glances and waited for Hammond to resume speaking.

“We have operatives in a number of different suspected drug operations.  They range from street players and mid-level distributors to high-level dealers and muscle.  We even have a few accountants and lawyers, like Robert, who are placed highly enough to know what is going on throughout the organization they are part of.  When Ms Cabot emerged from witness protection for Liam Connors’ trial, Rivera was already maneuvering to take over from Velez.  Despite the fact that Claiborne deals strictly with Rivera’s legitimate business, he has gradually been included in a number of Rivera’s business meetings... including those of a less than legal nature.  He did his research – knew how badly Alexandra Cabot wanted to come home to New York.  He convinced Rivera that getting someone on their side in the DA’s office could be good for business, especially someone with Ms Cabot’s contacts.  It wasn’t a bad plan actually – knowing Arthur Branch’s penchant for theatrics, it was reasonable to assume that he would make Ms Cabot an offer she couldn’t refuse.  You can’t beat that kind of press with a stick.”

“Why?  Why would he even think Alex would agree to it?”

“Which part?  Detective, you have to remember that as far as Rivera was concerned, Ms Cabot was desperate to return New York and the life she had here; her accepting a new position in the DA’s office fit her profile.  Robert entering her life and winning her affections while she was alone and lonely and still at loose ends made perfect sense.”

“How did he know where to find her?  After all, she was still in DEA custody for three months once Velez was dead.  How did he manage to...?”  Olivia waved her arms around.  Alex frowned and caught Liv’s hand in hers and brought it to her belly, stroking out the frustration.

“Once Velez was dead, we were less than careful with Ms Cabot’s whereabouts.”  He felt Alex jerk.  “My apologies, Ms Cabot.  We didn’t make it public or common knowledge, but we no longer safeguarded the information either.  The loose ends I told you I was tying up were in fact making sure the investigators Robert employed on Rivera’s behalf could find you.”

“You son of a bitch,” Liv growled low in her throat.  “You lying bag of shit!!”  She didn’t move – she couldn’t with Alex still reclining in her lap, but the look she cut his way should have turned Hammond to cinders.  “You deliberately set Alex up – AGAIN!  You KNEW she would be in danger and you set her up anyway!!  What the hell kind of an asshole are you??”

“Detective, wait... that’s not true.  At least not completely.  I did set her up, but only to be part of Robert’s cover.  There was never supposed to be danger to her.”

“Hammond, you are a complete idiot!!!  Aren’t you the one who three years ago was lecturing us about the dangers of your job or our interfering with your investigations??  Why do you think that would change because Velez was gone??  She’s not a trained DEA agent!”

“Look,” Hammond ground out forcefully, his exasperation clear.  “All that was supposed to happen was they were to be engaged long enough for there to be an announcement.  That would have led to parties and introductions.  We figured we could use the cover long enough to get Rivera introduced into ‘the right circles’ and then it would have been broken off because of a nasty fight.  With a little luck, it would’ve been caused by something Robert could have used as supposed blackmail against Alex to keep information coming out of the DA’s office for a while.”

“That has got to be the stupidest idea I have ever heard.”

“Well, in hindsight, I’m inclined to agree with you, Detective.  But at the time, it seemed like the best option we had.”

Olivia looked down at Alex.  “And you agreed to this why again?”

“I wasn’t told the entire truth, for one thing,” she said, rising up to glare in Hammond’s direction.  “But I told you,” her voice dropping, “it gave me a reason to come home in case nothing else worked out.”

“So what was the point of getting Rivera into the right circles, as you call them?? He is a damn drug dealer!!”

“And he has his fingers in a lot of different pies.  He was looking for a way to involve genuine business people in his ventures.  Getting legitimate business and social contacts was his best opportunity to do that, and being introduced by someone as old money as Alexandra Cabot would go a long way towards being accepted... much more than simply flashing money around.”

“So what happened?  Why did Claiborne leak the engagement before Alex even had a chance to pick up the phone and call me?  What was the point of pissing her off?  Was he really stupid enough to think she would honor her part of the agreement after he blew off his?”

“He was furious when I agreed to her terms.”  Hammond sighed and slid down the tree until he was lying flat, covering his face with the towel.  “He felt... still does, I imagine... that no one should be allowed to dictate conditions to an agent in the field undercover.  So he decided to show her he was the boss and figured she’d just have to deal.”

“Moron!”  Alex snorted at Olivia’s contemptuous tone of voice.

“Pretty much,” Jack agreed.  “He obviously didn’t do enough research into the real Alex Cabot.  He expected her to act and behave like so many in witness protection.”

“Well, my reaction must have been something of an unpleasant surprise.”

“Oh yes... and he certainly didn’t expect to be taken down like a rookie either - especially by the woman whose fault it was he had to work under constraints.  And though I doubt anyone but the four of us know about that particular event, the fact is he’s losing face with Rivera the longer he waits to announce the engagement.”

“Why doesn’t he just tell Rivera they broke up?”

“I can’t know for sure since I’ve had no contact with Robert since just after Ms Cabot pulled out of the assignment, but I’ve come to the conclusion that Rivera has some sort of hold on Robert.  Claiborne can’t afford not to introduce Rivera to the right people; it’s the only logical explanation I can come to for his behavior.  He’s never been irrational before.”

“Do you think he’s been compromised?”

“Not as a DEA agent.  Rivera wouldn’t hesitate to kill him if he got made.  Whatever hold Rivera has, however Claiborne’s been compromised, I’m convinced it’s personal.”

“Ya know, Hammond,” Olivia said with venom, though her eyes never left the horizon.  “You and your whole outfit suck.”

“I’m sorry you feel that way, Detective, though I can hardly blame you.  I promise you I will personally take care of Robert before I let Ms Cabot be put into any more danger.”

“You’ll forgive me if I am less than confident in your reassurance.”

“Given our track record, yeah, I will.  But you may both want to keep your heads down for a while.  If Claiborne decides to tell Rivera the truth behind why his ‘engagement’ to Alex was broken....” 

“You take care of Robert, Jack.  Olivia and I will look out for each other.”

“I hope you can, Alex.  I really hope you can.”

His words made Alex sit up, but when she looked, Hammond was gone.  She turned back to look at Olivia.  “You know the creeps you’ve always maintained Hammond gave you... the bad vibes?”  Olivia nodded and arched a brow.  “I’m starting to see what you meant.”

“Starting to?”

“For the longest time, he was the only friend Alex Cabot had.  But I have to admit to being completely over him, the DEA... even to some extent the DA’s office and the law.”

“Alex?”

“Just thinking out loud, Detective.  I promised myself if I ever got the chance to live again, I was going to live like I was dying... cherish every single precious moment because I’d already been dead.  Instead I seem to have fallen back into the same type of rut I was in before.  I think it’s time to change that.  To that end....”  She stood up and brushed off her butt, then extended a hand down to Olivia who accepted it without question.  “I think we should go to the Hamptons and see my mother.”

“We’re gonna crash that party.”  They headed beck towards the noise of the city that had become muted in the middle of the park.

“Yep.  I want to see you in something black and slinky.”

“Hope the party starts late then, because we need to go shopping.”

“No problem.  I’ll take care of everything.  Just leave it to me.”  Alex opened her cell phone then paused.  “You’re giving in awfully easily, Detective.”

“Something you said made me think.  Life is not a test run; we don’t get a second chance to go through it – no reset button or do overs.  We have to grab whatever happiness we can and hold on with both hands.  So if going to the Hamptons and crashing some hoity toity society party is gonna make you happy, I say let’s go crash!”

Alex pulled Liv over to a secluded part of the path.  “I can’t do to you what that declaration definitely deserves here, Sweetheart, but I promise I will definitely thank you more personally later.”

Olivia smiled.  “I’ll hold you to that.”

“I’m counting on it, Liv.  Now see if you can get us a cab.  I have a phone call to make.”


Chapter XIV

A knock on the door brought Olivia’s head around from the mirror she had been examining herself in.  Alex hadn’t been kidding when she’d said she could take care of everything.  Her phone call had garnered them transportation to the Hamptons and her mother’s house - where they were warmly welcomed by Elizabeth before being shown to their room.  It had also apparently gotten them the clothing that had been hanging in the closet awaiting their arrival.  Olivia had looked at Alex with a raised eyebrow, but Alex merely smiled and gave her a satisfied smirk.  Now Olivia turned from the mirror to watch Elizabeth Cabot approach.  She smoothed her hands nervously down the front of her dress then stopped, not wanting to wrinkle the smoothness of the silky fabric.

“Amazing,” Elizabeth commented.  “Very, very nice.”  Olivia’s short hair had been highlighted and fluffed around her face to frame it and the black dress she wore hugged her curves like a second skin.  Her make up was flawless, accentuating her exotic loveliness.

“I clean up pretty well, huh?”

Elizabeth chuckled.  “Olivia, there was never a doubt in my mind that you were... are... a beautiful woman.  But this,” motioning to Olivia from head to toe.  “You are simply stunning.  If there is any part of my daughter’s heart you don’t already own, this will certainly stake your claim.”

“There’s nothing left for her to lay claim to, Mother, though there may be a fight in the offing as part of this evening’s activities.  I’m somewhat territorial, you know.”

Both heads turned as Alex Cabot crossed the threshold and Olivia couldn’t contain her gasp.  Alex’s hair was pulled up in a neat chignon, revealing the slim line of her neck.  The blue dress she was wearing brought out the depth of her eyes not hidden by glasses and the sapphires she wore emphasized both.  Olivia didn’t even realize she had crossed the room until she was standing beside Alex, one hand gently stroking the smooth skin of her bare shoulders.

“Wow!” she whispered.  “You look beautiful.”

“So do you.  Turn around; I have something for you – the finishing touch for your outfit.”  Liv did as Alex asked, then reached up to touch when the necklace was settled around her neck and on her chest.  “It’s only on loan,” Alex whispered, “so enjoy it.”

“Alex, it’s too much.”

“No such thing, Detective.  Not for you and not for us.”

“Oh my – I almost wish I was staying for this bash,” Enrique said as he materialized from the room Alex had just emerged from. “I’d like to see the reaction when you two walk into that room together.”

“I can make sure you see that if you really want,” Elizabeth commented.  “It’s the least I could do since you rushed to get here to help them get ready.”

“Ooh... could you?  I really would like to see it.  They stopped traffic after I cut Olivia’s hair short, you know,” in an aside but loud enough for Alex and Olivia to hear.

“I imagine.  They brought Alex’s welcome home party to a halt for several minutes.”

“We’re standing right here, you know.  You don’t need to speak as if we aren’t even here.”  Elizabeth and Enrique giggled like a couple of children at the dryness of Alex’s tone.

“Sorry, daughter,” Elizabeth managed.  “We need to go.  I’ll take Enrique with me and send the car back for the two of you so you can make your entrance.  I’m assuming you want to make an entrance.”

“I think an entrance is warranted.”

“I think you’ve earned it... and it will tickle Sara to be the one to reintroduce you back into society, Alexandra.  A number of people attending tonight have been waiting for this occasion.”

“Well then... let’s not disappoint them.  We’ll wait here for you to send Jax back with the car.”  She turned to Enrique.  “Thank you for coming up on such short notice.”

“Oh, Alex – I wouldn’t have missed it and I never would have forgiven you if you had called anyone else.”  Alex leaned forward and kissed his cheek, then Olivia did the same, causing him to blush.

“Thank you, Enrique,” she whispered.

“Anytime, Beautiful,” he replied before following Elizabeth out the door.

Olivia waited until they heard the slamming of doors and the car pull away before she turned to Alex.  “You’re making an entrance?”

“We’re making an entrance.  No more games; no more pretend and make-believe. I want people to know who Alex Cabot really is and what you mean to me”  A beat.  “Does that bother you?”

“Not at all.”  Liv paused as though collecting her thoughts.  “Alex, I’ve always been proud to be seen with you... even when we were just friends.  That always kind of took me by surprise, ya know?”

“Our being friends?  Why?”

“Because we were always so different.”

“And yet so much alike,” Alex countered softly.  “Liv, if you look at the evidence a little more closely, you’ll see that the things we have in common far outweigh the differences – and they’re much more important.”

Olivia nodded.  “I know.  I just don’t want you to regret....”

“Never, Olivia.  I will never regret anything I do with you... only the things I have missed with you will I regret.  We don’t have to make a grand announcement or be any more public than either of us is comfortable with, but I am not going to hide what we have either.”

“All right,” catching her hand and tugging her closer.  “Now that we’ve settled that, can we spend the rest of our time making out?”

For answer, Alex let her free hand rest on Olivia’s hip, pulling them until there was no space between them.  Liv let her hand do the same, knowing the temptation to run her hands through Alex’s hair would be too much if she let her hands wander over Alex’s torso.  Alex ducked her head and captured Olivia’s lips, teasing them open expertly with her tongue.  Liv sucked on the muscle before returning the favor, wrapping around Alex’s tongue and stroking with deliberate intent.  She swallowed the moan that rose from low in Alex’s belly, then moaned herself when Alex let her hands wander down the smooth surface of her silk clad ass.

Lack of oxygen forced them to separate briefly, but it was the ringing of the doorbell that finally tore them apart, still breathing hard.  Alex leaned her forehead on Liv’s and Olivia gently reached up and traced Alex’s lips.  “God, you’re good at that,” she murmured.

“I have the right practice partner; she’s amazing.”  The doorbell rang again, this time longer than the first.  “We need to go,” Alex sighed.

“We should probably fix our lipstick first.  I think people would notice otherwise.”

Alex turned and walked to the mirror, taking Olivia with her.  She giggled at the picture they made, obviously well loved and thoroughly kissed.  “Good point,” Alex agreed, pulling her lipstick from her bag and applying it, watching Olivia do the same.  Without warning, Alex grasped Liv’s arm again and jerked her away from the mirror.

“ALEX!!”

“One more minute of that torture and we won’t make it to the party.  A woman can only stand so much teasing before she does something drastic!”  Laughing, they made their way downstairs and out the door where Jax was waiting to escort them to the Remington gala.

************

“Elizabeth!” Sara exclaimed, gathering Elizabeth into a hug as she stepped from the car.  “My dear, how good it is to see you.  And you must be Enrique,” extending her hand.  “What a pleasure!”  Enrique accepted it gracefully and brought it to his lips.  “Please come in... both of you.”  She led the way up the stairs and into the house.  “I can’t tell you how thrilled I was to get your call, Elizabeth.  We’re so excited Alexandra is joining us... especially since her young man showed up here earlier.”  She led them into the study.  “Although I must say I found it odd he didn’t escort her.  The rules are so different for young people these days.”

“Sara, Alexandra doesn’t have a young man.  She doesn’t have a man at all, and I don’t think she ever will.”

“Don’t be so pessimistic, Elizabeth.  She’s only been back a month.  She’ll find someone.”

Enrique watched, enthralled by this odd interplay between two old society friends.  He was curious to see Sara’s reaction to what was coming.

Elizabeth took a deep breath.  “Sara, Alexandra has someone in her life – just not a young man.”

Sara blinked.  “Is she happy?” after a long pause.

“Ecstatically so.”

“Then I can’t wait to meet the young lady in Alexandra’s life.  I can’t vouch for how the rest will react, but I think the ones who won’t make a fuss will far outnumber those who disapprove.”

“I hope so, though at this point I don’t think it will matter to Alexandra one way or another.  She’s already given up everything once; I sincerely doubt she will give up the one sure thing that makes her happy.  They should be here in just a few minutes.”

“Well then... let’s make Enrique comfortable.  Would you like to join Elizabeth, Lawrence and I or would you prefer to be out of the melee?  As snotty as some of these people are, you might enjoy a special viewing area for their arrival more, but you are welcome to stay and join us as a guest tonight.”

“If it’s all the same, Mrs. Remington, I prefer to watch and listen.”

“A very wise man.  Come along and we’ll introduce you to Lawrence.”  Sara stopped and put a hand on Elizabeth’s arm.  “Oh my dear....”

Elizabeth covered the hand on her arm, looking at Sara with concern.  “What is it Sara?”

“We need to get to Lawrence before Alexandra and her young lady arrive.  I believe the young man purporting himself to be Alexandra’s fiancé has plans to make an announcement when she arrives.  It was the reason he gave for not escorting her in – he said she wanted to make an entrance.”

“She did,” Elizabeth confirmed, “but not like this.”  They stepped up their pace, hoping they weren’t too late.  Then everything seemed to unfold in slow motion and Sara, Elizabeth and Enrique paused to watch the entire scene play out in front of them and the rest of the party guests.

They didn’t make an entrance, per se – that is to say... they weren’t announced nor did they do anything to draw undue attention to themselves beyond walking in the door side by side.  But they were so striking together that every head in the room naturally turned in their direction as Alex Cabot and Olivia Benson crossed the threshold hand in hand.

It wasn’t meant to make a statement; it was simply the best way they could feel the support of one another on a physical level.  Alex had asked with a single look as they exited the car and Olivia had responded by clasping her hand tightly.  And that was they way they walked in the door.

When they were spotted, a cheer went up around the room and people surged in their direction as anxious to greet Alex as they were to meet Olivia.  New didn’t happen in their circle very often and no one wanted to miss out on the experience.

From where he was standing beside Lawrence, Robert could see his last chance to force Alex Cabot into a temporary alliance at his side slipping from his grasp.  So he decided to make a desperate move and throw everything on one last throw of the dice – confident Alex would not allow herself to be outted to her society peers.

“Who is the lovely young woman with Alexandra, Robert?  I believe I would like to meet her.”

“A poor relation, perhaps?” Robert shrugged.  “I believe Alex agreed to take her under her wing to help her make a successful match.”

Lawrence looked at the younger man speculatively.  Something wasn’t quite right here, but he wasn’t sure what it was.  “Well,” he jested, “they seem to have stolen your thunder, young man.  What a lovely picture they make together.”

Before Lawrence could stop him, Robert was calling for the attention of everyone in the room.  All eyes, including those of Alex and Olivia, turned in his direction and waited to hear what he had to say.  Alex squeezed Liv’s hand hard enough for the detective to wince at the strength she exhibited.

“Ladies and gentlemen, I know many of you here do not know me yet, but my name is Robert Claiborne.  It is a great honor for me to be here with you tonight for two reasons – the first of which is that is my distinct pleasure to welcome Alexandra Cabot back into your fold.  And the reason it is my honor to do so is because Alex has agreed to marry me and become my wife.”

The reaction Robert expected wasn’t immediately forthcoming – instead of cheers and congratulatory exclamations there was nothing but complete quiet - even the servers circulating throughout the room froze.  Then Alex’s voice cut through the strained silence, “Not in this lifetime, Robert... or any other.”

“Alex!”  Robert felt his world crumbling around him with her denial.  “Sweetheart....”

“Enough, Robert!”  A path cleared in front of Olivia and Alex, leaving nothing but space between them and Claiborne.  He sneered as he realized they were still holding hands, but before he could comment, Alex tore into him in a scathing tone of voice.  “We are not engaged, Robert.  You misrepresented yourself to me, insinuating yourself into my life in a time when I needed a friend.  Then you lied to all the people in this room, claiming to be someone and something you’re not.  Now before I slap any number of charges against you, I suggest you walk right out the door without another word.”

“Dyke!” he muttered, but not softly enough not to be heard throughout the silent room.  Olivia started towards him, but Alex held on tightly, seeing Lawrence take Robert by the scruff of the neck and escort him through the throng to the front door.

“I suggest you leave quietly, young man, and count yourself lucky that I don’t call the police to remove you from my home.  And leave Alexandra alone; she doesn’t need friends like you.”  Robert drew a breath to defend himself and Lawrence held up his hand and motioned to someone out of sight.  “Don’t.  Alexandra is one of us no matter what; there is no excuse for what you tried to do.” 

Robert wanted to retort, but found the door closed in his face and a security officer escorting him off the property.  He went, not wanting to cause himself any more issues than he already had.  He was going to have to come up with something to tell Rivera, though he was hoping he could somehow put the blame for this fiasco on Alex.  Otherwise, he was going to be able to kiss years of undercover work goodbye.  He peeled out of the estate, intent on doing some damage control.

************

When Lawrence shut the door behind Robert, a cheer rose up from the waiting assembly.  No matter their feelings towards Alex Cabot personally, none of them appreciated an interloper trying to make fools of them or take advantage of one of their own.  Lawrence smiled and nodded his head, making his way to Alex’s side.  He took her in his arms and hugged her like she was his long lost daughter.

“Welcome home, Alexandra,” he whispered in her ear.  “It’s so good to have you back with us.”

“Thank you, Remmy.  It’s so good to be here again.”  And in many ways, it was as much a coming home for her as visiting the one-six had been.  After a brief embrace, they pulled away and Lawrence turned his focus to Olivia.

“And who is this lovely young woman?” extending his hand and smiling at the confidence in her gaze and the strength of her grip.  Alex stepped closer and put a casual arm around Liv’s waist.

“Lawrence Remington, this is Olivia Benson.  Liv, this is Lawrence Remington, otherwise known to the younger generation as Remmy.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Remington.”

”Enchanted, my dear.  May I call you Olivia?”

“Please.”

“Excellent.  Let’s see if we can find Sara and get this party back on track.”  But there was no reason to look as both Sara and Elizabeth had headed towards them as soon as Robert made his faux pas announcement.  Lawrence’s words coupled with Sara’s arrival was the needed impetus to get things moving again and the crowd surged around them, now more than ever anxious to welcome Alex home and meet her lovely companion.

Not everyone was glad to have Alex back, however, and they stood together in the far corner, watching the activity and snarking among themselves.  Eventually, however, Olivia and Alex made their way around to them.

“You know, Cabot... most people don’t go to the extremes you did just to have their perversion overlooked.  They just keep them private.”

“What perversion would that be, Marcy?  Would that be anything like what you do when you go out?”  Alex smirked as Marcy paled.  “Don’t play with me, Marcy and don’t presume that you could possibly understand what Olivia and I share.  I may have been gone for three years, but I’ve heard a lot since I got back and I know what was going on before I left.”

“Oh get off the high horse, Alex – the only reason you’re doing this is for the shock factor.  Not the best idea for your political future, but maybe she’s worth it and it will certainly get you press.  Is she that good a piece of ass?  If she is, tell me where I can get find one like her.”  The man chuckled and those around him did the same.  “Who knew there was a government conspiracy to create lesbians from straight women?”  He reached for Olivia.  “I could change that for you.”

Alex didn’t have a chance to respond; Olivia had the man up against the wall with his arm so far up his back the slightest pressure would dislocate it.  He winced and tried to dislodge her, then bit his lip to muffle a scream when she wrenched his arm again.  The rest of his compatriots stopped laughing and looked on warily, but none made a move to help him.

“You’re not man enough to handle a woman like me and if you reach for me again, I’m gonna haul your ass in for assault on a police officer.  Are we clear?”  He nodded vigorously and she released him just enough for him to relax.  Then she tightened her grip again and he winced.  “One other thing,” she added conversationally.  “Watch what you say about Alex.  You don’t have to like her or approve of what she does with her life.  But if you don’t mind your own business, I’ll make it mine to look into yours.  And I’d be willing to bet your predilections run along the same lines as your friend Marcy.  So unless you’re willing to risk that sort of exposure....”

“All right,” he ground our when he realized she was done speaking.  Olivia released him and he jerked away from her, straightening his clothing and trying to regain some sense of dignity.  “Damn bitch!” he muttered, glaring at both Olivia and Alex.

“That’s Detective Damn Bitch to you, asshole.”

“Oh, and she’s common as dirt too.  How precious, Alex.  Who know you were slumming?” came the sarcastic comment from a not-so-natural brunette.

“Yes, but she so butch it’s making me hot,” replied an obviously bleached blonde, licking her lips.

Olivia barely spared either woman a sneer before she turned to Alex.  “No wonder you went into witness protection.  I’d have done the same thing to get away from these people.”

Alex couldn’t contain her laughter and took Olivia’s hand.  “C’mon, Liv.  There are more interesting people still waiting to meet you.”

“Well, I never!” the blonde snorted.  Alex looked back over her shoulder.

“No, you haven’t... and you never will.”  And with that, the two women made their way back towards Sara, Lawrence and Elizabeth who were waiting for them to start the buffet service.  From his perch on the balcony, Enrique silently cheered.

“Is everything all right, ladies?” seeing the icy stares from the group Alex and Olivia had just departed from.  “You appear to have stirred up a hornet’s nest among some of the younger crowd, judging by the holes they seem intent on burning into your back.”

“Jealousy, Remmy.  I have Olivia and they have....”  Alex paused dramatically and smirked.  “... each other.”

“Well, would you mind if I borrow Olivia for a while?  I would like to talk to you privately about what happened to you while you were away, Alexandra, and I would like to get to know Olivia a little better.”  He turned to Olivia.  “That is... if you wouldn’t mind, my dear.”

She and Alex exchanged looks.  “I’d be delighted, Mr. Remington.”

“Lawrence, please or Remmy as Alexandra calls me.  I expect us to become good friends.”

“I’d like that, Lawrence,” taking the arm he extended.

“I would mind,” Sara cut in.  She glared at Lawrence.  “And so would Alex and Elizabeth, I imagine.  You don’t get to keep Olivia to yourself tonight.  I want to get to know her as well, and there really isn’t time without ignoring the rest of our guests.”  She turned towards Elizabeth and Alex.  “You will be here tomorrow?”  They nodded.  “Then join us for brunch at ten.”

“We’d like that.”

Lawrence sighed.  “Very well.  May I at least escort both of them to the buffet?  I think everyone is ready to eat.”

Sara exchanged hidden smiles with Elizabeth and nodded.  “You go ahead.  Elizabeth and I will follow.”  Lawrence gave her a self-satisfied grin and extended both arms.  Alex and Olivia chuckled and accepted his escort, knowing the rest would follow.  It was turning out to be a most interesting evening.

************

“I am most displeased, Robert.  Tonight was supposed to solidify your standing in the social community which would have given me the legitimacy I require for the next phase in my business plan.  And now you’re telling me that not only has Ms Cabot disgraced you in front of her friends, but she threw you over for a woman??  Do you understand the damage this has done to my plans??”

“Yes sir; I do.  But honestly, it wasn’t my fault, Mr. Rivera.  Everything was fine until she came back to New York and took up with that dyke detective friend of hers.  I’m convinced Olivia Benson is the reason Alex threw me over once we got back.  We should have gotten married before we came back to the city.  Then all of this would have been moot.”

“Yes, hindsight is indeed twenty-twenty,” Rivera commiserated.  “The question is - how do we repair the damage that has already been done?”

Robert paused thoughtfully.  It wouldn’t do to rush his answer, though he had been thinking of nothing else since his expulsion from the Remington soiree.  Finally, though....  “Well, I only see two possibilities if we hope to keep Alexandra on our side.”  Rivera motioned for him to continue and he nodded, letting out a relieved breath.  “One is to blackmail her – I doubt someone with her political ambitions will want it to be confirmed public knowledge that she is a lesbian.  Speculation is titillating; truth in this case would be a death knell to her career.  I don’t care how liberal the people of New York claim to be.  They do not want an out dyke to be their district attorney or governor.  The other is simply to remove the issue that is causing her rebellion – kill Olivia Benson.”

Rivera nodded.  “I’ll contemplate my options before I make a decision.  At this point, considering what has already happened, I see no reason to rush to judgment.  It could only make things worse and I do not want to deal with worse.”  He sighed.  “Go home, Robert; get some rest.  It will be a day or two before I do anything.”

“Yes, sir.  Thank you, Mr. Rivera.”  The drug lord smiled and nodded graciously, watching Claiborne leave.  Once the door closed behind him he sat back and thought about his options.  Robert had been in his employ since he had graduated law school, and until his recent involvement with Alexandra Cabot, been a good and loyal employee – knowing how to do his job and keep his mouth shut when the job required it.  It was unfortunate that he was becoming less of an asset and more of a liability.  Rivera didn’t need liabilities in his line of work.

He turned his chair to the window, looking out over the expanse of his yard.  There were times when being the boss meant making the hard decisions.  He turned back around and picked up the phone, dialing from memory and waiting for the call to go through.  After two rings, it was answered.

“Lorenzo,” he stated calmly.  “I need to see you immediately.”  Then he hung up the phone and turned back to contemplating the stars he could see.


Chapter XV

“So, Olivia... what were your impressions on the evening?” Elizabeth asked as the three women settled into her living room for a nightcap.  Enrique had departed shortly after Robert had been removed, having exacted a promise from both Elizabeth and Sara for details later. Things had run smoothly once the buffet was underway and Alex learned exactly how many friends she still had in this particular circle; she was gratified with the acceptance she and Olivia had found from most of what was definitely old money society.  Now she sat back and sipped her wine, anxious to hear Olivia’s thoughts on everything that had happened.

“Honestly?”  Elizabeth chuckled but nodded.  “I think most of your friends are extremely gracious and at least on the surface they were fair and open-minded about Alex and me.”

“On the surface?  You don’t think they were sincere?”

“I don’t know, Elizabeth.  I don’t know these people well enough to make that sort of judgment.”

“Employ your training as a detective, Olivia.  What does your gut tell you?”

Olivia turned and stared at Alex for a long moment before her gaze became introspective.  “I think a majority of them were sincere to a degree – the older generation moreso than the younger and many of those were making allowances for the trauma Alex went through.”

“They think this – YOU – are a phase for me??”

“I think the people our age are curious how real this is... how committed we are to one another.  I don’t think most of them really care one way or another whether we love one another or not except as a curiosity and point of gossip; they figure you’re following fashion and will eventually return to convention to win their approval.”  Olivia held up her hand to stop the firestorm she could see growing in Alex’s blue eyes. 

“And my generation?” Elizabeth asked with unbridled curiosity.  She, of course, had her own opinion, but she was very interested to get Olivia’s sense of things.

“Your generation is much less concerned with the fact that we are a couple; they are more concerned with where I come from and what I do for a living and what my intentions are.”  Liv snickered.  “It was an odd mixture of the free love flower children mentality from the sixties and a strange awareness of old-fashioned chivalry.”

“When did you hear all this??  We were together all night – even though Remmy did try to steal you away from me for a while.”

“People were talking all night, Alex.  I guess it was hard for the detective in me to miss.”

“I have to say that the nerve of this Robert fellow simply astounded me,” Elizabeth huffed before the silence grew awkward.  “Where did he get off telling tales like that?  Did he honestly think he wouldn’t get caught??”

“I don’t think he expected me to acknowledge my relationship with Olivia.”

“I don’t think he’s expected a lot of what he’s gotten from you,” Liv teased with a smirk.

Alex shrugged and cocked an eyebrow.  “Doesn’t pay to be too predictable, Detective.”  She twined her fingers with Olivia’s, frowning and focusing her attention on their joined hands.  Olivia tugged on them gently, bringing Alex’s eyes back to hers while Elizabeth watched the tableau playing out in front of her with great interest.

“What are you thinking?”

“We’ve put him in a corner, Liv.  We have no way of knowing how he’ll react now.”

“Alex, he’s always been a wild card where we’re concerned.  Claiborne will do whatever it is he needs to do and we’ll deal with it when the time comes.  I refuse to waste any more time with you worrying about things I can’t control.”

“Listen to her, Alexandra.  Olivia is a smart woman.”

“And I’m chopped liver, I suppose.”

“Well, if the pate fits....” Elizabeth chortled.  Alex just rolled her eyes.

“On that note,” she said, draining the rest of her wine and standing up as she tugged Olivia up with her.  She bent down and kissed Elizabeth’s cheek.  “Goodnight, Mother.”

“Goodnight, you two.”  Olivia gave Elizabeth a little wave then walked beside Alex up the stairs.  Elizabeth watched them until they disappeared into Alex’s... their... room.  Then she turned off the lights and went to hers. 

************

“So what do you do, Olivia?  I believe I heard it mentioned that you were a detective.”  Lawrence Remington carefully spread cream cheese on his bagel before adding lox and capers.  He noticed all eyes and ears were focused in their direction, though no one stopped eating except Olivia.  She put down her fork and picked up her glass, drinking deeply before wiping her lips.

“I’m a detective with the Special Victims Unit at the one-six in Manhattan.”

Lawrence blinked.  “I never thought....  That is how you met Alexandra, isn’t it?  I remember her speaking of the dedication of the members of the Special Victims Unit she was privileged to work with.  I didn’t realize....”  He paused and cleared his throat.  “Don’t you find it a difficult burden to bear... especially as long as you have borne it?”

“Sometimes,” she admitted quietly.  “Sometimes it hurts to see a child who’s lost her innocence to a monster she called father.  Sometimes it’s hard to know that for every sick, twisted bastard we catch, a dozen more are waiting to take his place.  Sometimes it’s easy to want to drown the memories of every victim you’ve encountered in a bottle.  But sometimes – once in a very great while – we get to see something good come out of the work we do.  And that gives us the strength to keep doing what we do.”  She reached out a hand to Alex who took it without hesitation.  “And sometimes, but only if you’re very lucky, you find someone who understands what drives you to work in the darkness, and they love and support you anyway.”

“It sounds as though you are both very lucky, Olivia.”

“We are, Remmy,” Alex responded.  “This is beyond price.  And those that don’t like it or don’t understand it can bite me.”

“Better get a tetanus shot then, Alexandra.  I heard a lot of support for you both last night, but there was some backbiting from some of your contemporaries,” Sara commented.  “Then again, I don’t recall there ever being much of anything else coming from them.”

Everyone at the table snorted.  Lawrence patted his mouth and picked up his coffee, sitting back comfortably.  “So tell me about this Robert fellow, Alexandra.  He seemed to know so much about you I had no reason to doubt his word when he introduced himself as your fiancé and yet it is clear that he has no claim on you.  And he obviously had no idea your heart had been bestowed elsewhere,” motioning to Olivia and their still linked hands.

“He was someone who befriended me while I was still in Florida and read much more into our friendship than I was willing to give him,” Alex hedged, not wanting to lie but unable to share the complete truth.

“He followed you here... like some sort of stalker?”

“Not exactly.  He was from here.  It was mostly dumb luck we met, and bad luck that I apparently encouraged him enough for him to think there was something more than just someone lonely for home.”

“Well, I for one think you are well rid of him,” Elizabeth chimed in.  “There was something not quite right about his eyes.”  She paused.  “He reminded me of a weasel... or maybe a ferret.”

“I thought of him more as a jackass myself,” Liv muttered to Alex, causing her to almost spew juice across the table in a most unladylike fashion.  The rest demanded to know what caused the reaction, and brunch ended to laughter ringing throughout the Remington household.

************

“I’m sorry, Ms Cabot... Alex, but I think I’ve screwed up this case beyond winning.”

Alex closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose.  Ten o’clock on Monday morning and all she could think of was how long it was going to be until she got to the weekend and significant time with Olivia again.  Olivia had gotten a call at almost midnight on Saturday and Alex hadn’t heard from her since.  That alone had successfully managed to ratchet up the tension level in her body until it radiated off her like a force field.  She looked back at the fledgling prosecutor staring back at her.

“Then you go make a deal.  You put the bastard away for as long as you can get.  And then you go make nice and apologize to the detectives who busted their asses to put this case together for you.  It’s not their fault you screwed up, but they’re going to be the ones who have to live with the consequences of knowing their work wasn’t worth the effort they put into it because you flushed it down the toilet.”

Her voice never rose, but the young man was shaking in his shoes and biting his lip before she was finished.  He nodded and she waved him out.  He scampered out so fast he nearly bowled Casey Novak over in the process.  She caught herself on the doorjamb, re-establishing her equilibrium before knocking on the frame.  She heard Alex audibly sigh, then invite her in.  She peeked around the door slowly, making sure nothing was going to come flying first.

“Hey, Alex.”

“Hey, Casey,” Alex replied with a smile.  “What’s up?” motioning her to a high-backed chair.

“That’s what I came to find out.  You’ve been chewing up and spitting out interns all morning.  Everything all right?”  Casey took a seat, glad to lean her head back and relax for a moment.  It had already been a long morning for her as well.

“Aside from not being able to remember ever being that young and stupid?”

“Alex, you’re not that much older than they are – eight years at the outside, and some of them as little as three.”

“Maybe... but I was never that stupid either.  These kids are making first year law school mistakes, and there’s no excuse for it.  They were the top applicants we had!”  Alex took a deep breath and visibly tried to calm herself.  “Sorry... long weekend and it’s turning into the Monday morning migraine from hell for me.  I shouldn’t take it out on you or them.”

“Well, maybe a little on them,” Casey teased.  “They need to learn to fear the wrath of Bureau Chief Alex Cabot and not revere you because you lived through witness protection and came back to tell about it.  You’re the new Liz Donnelly around here, you know.”

Alex groaned.  “I’m not sure the world is ready for that.  I know I’m not!”

Casey laughed.  “It could be worse.  You could have been me three years ago coming in to fill your shoes.  Took me a long time to get through that.”

“Was I so bad?” Alex asked with a hurt tone.  She and Casey had been making great strides in their friendship.  She didn’t want Casey to resent her.  Casey snorted.

“No... you were that good and well-respected and I was an interloper as far as the one-six was concerned.  And although you certainly aren’t an interloper here, you still need to give it a little time.  After all, you’ve only been back just over a month and things are settling down.”  Casey paused and cocked her head at Alex.  “Is everything okay?” she asked again.  “You said it was a long weekend.  Something go wrong between you and Olivia?”

Before Alex could even draw breath to speak, Robert burst in the door without bothering to knock, slamming it behind him hard enough to rattle the glass.  He didn’t see Casey sitting there; Casey sat motionless at Alex’s signal and waited for the fireworks to start.  Robert marched right up to Alex’s desk and launched into a tirade. 

“How could you, Alexandra??  How could you?!?  Do you know how much damage you’ve done to my assignment??  Do you care how much danger you’ve put me in??”

“No Robert... frankly I don’t care.  The fact is that you brought this situation on yourself.  You took advantage of the situation and then refused to cede the only condition I made.  So please don’t try to turn this into my crisis.  It isn’t – I was out of this by your actions before I made it home.”

“I don’t think you understand the seriousness of what is happening here!  Someone is going to die because of this!” Robert said in frustration, then he turned and spotted Casey.  “Who the hell are you and why are you listening to a private conversation??”

“Casey is my friend and we were actually having a private conversation before you barged in here.”

“Leave!”  Casey didn’t even flinch and he reached for her, only to stop at Alex’s words.

“I wouldn’t, Robert... unless you fancy a night or two in jail for assault on an officer of the court.  Casey is the ADA for the Manhattan Special Victims Unit.  You really don’t want me to call Olivia down here to arrest you, do you?”

“Whatever,” he shrugged, turning his back on Casey though Alex saw the flash of fear in his eyes at the mention of Olivia’s name.  “But you need to understand, Alex – this is serious.  Everything I’ve built up with Rivera is going down the toilet because of what you did to me.  Months and years of work just gone.  The entire operation is in jeopardy.  And now not only is my life in danger if I don’t fix this, but yours and Benson’s could be as well.”

“What do you mean?”

“C’mon, Alex.  You really think Rivera doesn’t know about the two of you?  Even though you didn’t exactly announce it to all your society friends... even if I hadn’t told him about you throwing me over for her... Rivera knew.  He’s been watching you since you came back to town although I’m not sure if that was for your benefit or for mine.”

“And you didn’t think I needed to know this?!?”  Casey shivered at the ice in Alex’s voice.

“Not really. You should have expected it.  It’s not like you’re exactly new to this game, Cabot.  That’s why I can’t believe you were stupid enough to think you could just walk away from this without consequences.  God!!  Do you get it yet??”

“Robert, do yourself a favor and walk out of my office without another word.  I’m not going to help you.  You have pushed my very last button and crossed the very last line with me.  And if I ever see you within a hundred feet of me again, I’ll slap a restraining order on you so quickly the ink won’t be dry before you land in jail.  Do you get it yet??”

“You’ll be sorry, Alex.  The only way for all of us to get out of this is for you to drop Benson and....”  He didn’t get to finish before he was kissing the wall.

“I think Ms Cabot asked you to leave, dickhead.”  Alex and Casey were on their feet before the words were out of Olivia’s mouth, but they weren’t quick enough to keep her from slamming Robert into the wall like a perp.  “Now personally, I’ve had enough of you and your whining.  So as I see it, you’ve got two choices – you walk out of here a free man or you walk out of here in cuffs.  The only difference for me is the amount of paperwork I have to do if I run you in.”

“Let go of me, bitch!”

Olivia turned her face towards Alex and Casey; both women gasped at the obvious black eye the detective sported.  “Why do they always, always use that word?  Can’t anyone, anywhere come up with something different for a change??”  Robert shifted and Olivia tightened her grip.

“Let go of me, Detective.  I’ll leave peacefully and you’ll never see me again.”  He straightened his tie and jerked his suit coat into place.  “Just remember, Cabot, the consequences will rest on your head.”

Olivia opened the door and pushed him out before closing it and locking it behind her.  Then she leaned against it and slid to the floor, her exhaustion finally catching up to her.  “Damn, that hurt.”

Alex knelt on one side and Casey on the other and with a look, they each took an arm and helped Olivia to her feet.  Then they moved her to the couch and helped her sit back; Liv groaned and sighed deeply.  Casey stood back, but Alex sat right down in Olivia’s personal space and put her arms around her, relishing the feeling of Liv’s body relaxing into hers.

“I’m gonna fall ‘sleep if I stay here,” Olivia mumbled against Alex’s neck.  Alex bit her lips to keep from laughing at the tickling sensation Liv was causing with her words.  Alex raised a hand and brushed the hair off of Olivia’s forehead.

“When was the last time you slept?”

“Wha’ day zit?” her words slurring as she leaned further into Alex.  Casey covered her mouth with her hand to keep from laughing out loud and Alex gave her a smirk before turning her attention back to Olivia.

“C’mon, Sweetheart,” easing Olivia back until she was reclining with her head against one end.  “Take a few minutes.  We’ll have something to eat brought in and then you can go back to work.  Cragen and Elliot can do without you for an hour or two,” she added before Olivia could protest.

“‘ave to fin’ Casey.”  Alex held up her hand before Casey could speak.

“Casey can have lunch with us.  Just rest for a few minutes.”  She didn’t say anything else – she didn’t need to.  Olivia was snoring softly.

Alex stood and pulled Olivia’s lower body onto the couch. Then she rubbed the back of her neck and exchanged a look with Casey.  “What the hell is she working on?”

“I don’t know.  I haven’t seen her since... Friday morning, I think it was.”  Casey shook her head.  “I’ll tell you what – I’ll go pick up something for lunch.  That will give Olivia a chance to rest and you can stay here and keep an eye on her.”

“I’m not keeping you away from anything?”

“Nothing that won’t keep a while.”

Alex nodded.  “Then I appreciate it, Casey.  Thank you.”

Casey closed the door behind her quietly and Alex stared at the sleeping detective on her couch for a long moment longer before she crossed back over to her desk and dialed a once familiar number.  It rang twice before it was picked up.

“Elliot, this is Alex.  What the hell is going on?”

“Alex?”

“Please, Elliot.  Don’t play coy and don’t be stupid.  I have already had the Monday from hell and my lover - the missing girlfriend I haven’t seen since a rather frantic phone call from you Saturday night -is now sacked out on my couch dead to the world.  Now I would like some answers, Detective, and I want them now, please.”

“What do you know?”

“Assume I know nothing from the time you called her in Saturday.”  Elliot bit his lip and cursed in his mind.  Why do I always seem to get stuck with this sort of stuff? Isn’t this supposed to be Liv’s job now or something?  He sighed.  “I’m waiting, Detective.”

“Fine,” Stabler huffed.  “I called Liv in Saturday night because a body was found in Brooklyn.”

“Brooklyn??  Elliot, that isn’t your jurisdiction.”

“No, but I’ve got friends on the force there.  Alex, there was a note there addressed to Olivia attached to the body.”

Alex felt the cold chill skitter down her spine and back up again, making the hair stand up on the back of her neck.  “What did it say?” she asked in a whisper.

“Benson back off.  It was written on the victim’s shirt in his blood.  Olivia has been working non-stop with the Brooklyn homicide unit since then trying to figure out what the hell is going on.  She didn’t make it in today but at least now I know where she is.  Tell her Cragen said for her to get some sleep today, but she is to be here and not in Brooklyn first thing tomorrow morning.”

“I will, Elliot.  Thanks for the information.”  Then she hung up the phone before he could respond.  He frowned at it when the dial tone sounded in his ear, then he shrugged.  He figured he’d get the details from Olivia sooner or later, and in the meantime she was in good hands.

Alex covered her face with her hands then rubbed the heels of her palms into her eyes, hoping to eliminate some of the burning she felt in them.  How long she stayed that way she couldn't have said, but she jumped when a hand landed on her arm.  She looked up then down into the sleepy eyes of her rumpled partner.  A smile crossed her face at the shorter hair that framed Liv's face haphazardly.  Alex lifted a hand and pushed it back from Olivia's face.  Liv captured the hand and held it in her own.

"What's wrong, Sweetheart?"

Alex frowned.  "Why do you think there's something wrong?"

Now it was Liv's turn to frown.  "Because you were pressing your hands into your eyes.  That always means something is bothering you."

"Well, let me think – my girlfriend dashed out of my mother's house in the Hamptons thirty-six hours ago with no explanation and barely a goodbye.  I spent my entire day off worrying and wondering what was going on.  And finally, because I called her partner and not because she called me, I find out that my lover is tracking down a killer that, for whatever reason, obviously has her in his sights.  Now," pulling her hand from Olivia's and standing to pace the room in a very prosecutorial manner, "to that, let's add the fact that the DEA agent from hell once again came to my office to harass me about the fact that his assignment is not going well and he blames me; I've got kids too stupid to pass first year law pretending to be prosecutors; AND I have the migraine from hell from the tension in my shoulders.  I'd have to say you can pretty much take your pick of what is wrong!!"

Olivia still knelt in the same position Alex had left her in, stunned by her outburst.  But before she could kick-start her brain into formulating a response, Alex fell gracelessly back into her chair with an air of defeat, scrubbing her hands through her hair.  "Maybe I should give Robert what he wants; then maybe everything else will work out right for a change.  And at least that way you would be protected," the last added at a bare whisper that Olivia didn’t consciously hear as she jumped to her feet in reaction.

"WHAT?!?" Olivia exclaimed loudly, now wide awake and alert.  "I know you didn't just say that!  I know you didn't think it!!   Have you lost your mind or is the migraine making you stupid??"

Alex glared at Olivia and she felt the room temperature drop around her, but it made a nice counterbalance for the fury she felt flowing through her veins.  "Tread carefully, Detective.  You don't want to say something we'll both live to regret."

Brown eyes blazed fire, but she kept her voice down, mindful of the rumors that would fly if their words were overheard.  "Alex, how do you suppose giving in to Robert at this point will do any good??  It's all over your office and mine what happened between us here a month ago as well as bits of what happened Saturday night – I've already started hearing them.”  She drew a deep breath, but it did nothing to calm her rage.  “I meant it when I told you I wouldn't be the other woman or your dirty little secret!  So are you trying to break up with me or do you really think that turning back to Robert for any reason is going to do anything other than get you labeled as a slut??"

The reverberation of the slap echoed through the otherwise silent room and Alex's harsh breathing was the only the sound to break the stillness.  Olivia put a hand to her cheek, stunned that Alex had actually laid a hand on her in anger.  She started to storm from the room; her own temper was burning hotly enough to curl her hands into fists that on a purely reactionary level wanted to retaliate and she didn’t want to damage their relationship any more than it already had been with an instinctive reaction.  It was the sound of a thud that brought Olivia around to find Alex crumpled on the floor staring at her shaking hand.  She was at Alex's side before she realized she had moved.  The adrenaline their fight had caused to rush through her body pushed back the exhaustion that had forced her into sleep only a short time earlier and allowed Olivia to cradle Alex in her arms.  Alex was much lighter and frailer than Olivia's solid frame so her weight was not difficult for the detective to manage; their nearly equal length made it harder to balance though and Liv stood awkwardly to her feet.  Two steps and she sort of collapsed onto the couch with Alex clutching her tightly.

Alex kept deep blue eyes focused on Liv's face, reaching for the reddening mark with the same shaking hand that had made it.  Olivia clasped the hand with her own, linking their fingers together forcefully and holding on as securely as she could without hurting Alex in the process.

"Oh God, Liv...  I’m so sorry.  I never meant...."

"Shh... I know.  But I think we need to talk."

Alex nodded and closed her eyes.  Then a knock on the door reminded them that Casey had gone to get them all an early lunch.  Talking would have to wait just a little bit.


Chapter XVI

Casey was not stupid – she had come back a little sooner than her knock on the door had announced.  What she overheard caused her to take the time to arrange a page before she was ready to enter Alex’s office.  What she saw when she walked in at Olivia’s bidding broke her heart.

For the first time since her return, Alex Cabot looked frail... broken.  And though there were no tears in her eyes or on her face yet, her whole body was curled into Olivia’s as if it was crying for her.  One look at Olivia’s face made Casey wince internally, but she kept it from her expression and advanced into the room.  Casey placed the bags on the table and just as expected, her phone rang.  She took the call, bewildering Munch with her nonsense, but he gamely played along, knowing he would get an explanation out of her later.  Casey flipped her phone closed and dug through the bags to collect the coffee she’d picked up for herself, then turned back to Olivia who was watching her with unveiled interest and Alex whose sole focus remained Olivia.

“I’ve got to get back.  Munch needs a warrant in the Nielsen investigation,” not mentioning she’d given that to him first thing that morning.  She wanted to say more, but this was something they had to work out between them first.  “I’ll be around later if you need anything or want to talk or whatever.”  She trailed off, shrugging her shoulders when she ran out of words.

“Thanks, Casey,” Liv offered quietly.

“Yes, thank you,” Alex agreed, her eyes still locked on Olivia’s face.  The door closed behind her with the distinct snick of the lock; only then did Alex release the tears that caused her whole body to tremble in reaction.  Olivia held onto her as tightly as she dared.  They would have to talk – she wasn’t going to allow Alex or anyone else to go around hitting her no matter the reason.  But she had been expecting this breakdown since Alex had seen the child in the squad room several days prior.  It had been building since their first fiery confrontation the day of Alex’s return and that child had been that catalyst needed to bring everything to a head.  All things considered, Alex had shown remarkable restraint in holding everything together as long as she had.  Maybe now they could hash things out and finally take the steps they needed to take to truly having a life together.

The tears went on for longer than Olivia expected them to; it was as if Alex had saved all the tears she had never been able to cry for this moment in Liv’s arms.  Olivia felt the release of Alex’s pain – the burden of living up to an expectation she wasn’t sure she could uphold in the wake of her father’s death; the empathy she’d never been comfortable sharing with the victims during her tenure with the SVU; the loneliness she’d endured alone while she was in witness protection.  But mostly she felt Alex’s pain and regret for what had just happened.  And that made the tension that had settled in the very center of her being uncoil; Olivia’s body relaxed and she lay back on the couch, hoping Casey had locked the door as she pulled Alex on top of her.  Otherwise the scandal would be full-blown when the next little punk walked into Alex’s office to whine.  What she wouldn’t learn until much later was that Casey had not only locked the door, but redirected the interns until Alex decided she was ready to deal with them again.

Liv felt Alex sinking completely into her and herself relaxing into a state of hazy exhaustion.  She became aware of Alex’s lessening sobs and tightened her embrace, brushing a kiss over the blonde head tucked under her chin.  “Rest, Sweetheart,” Olivia murmured.  “We can talk later.”

“God, Liv... I am so, SO sorry.  I’ve....”

“Shh, Alex.  I’ll be all right.”

“What about us?”

Olivia opened eyes that had closed again as soon as the adrenaline rush wore off, struggling to keep them open long enough for Alex to see the truth in them.  She kept one arm wrapped around Alex’s body and with the other she cupped one cheek, gently wiping the tears away with her thumb.  “We’ll be all right too.”

The need in the blue eyes was so clear and Olivia urged Alex’s face closer until their lips met in a soft kiss.  It wasn’t demanding or passionate, but it was full of the love and reassurance Alex needed to feel.  Liv teased Alex’s lips and tongue with her own until at last Alex pulled away in a desperate attempt to gather air into her lungs again.  She dropped her forehead onto Olivia’s chest, purring when Liv started rubbing the knots out of her neck and shoulders.

“God, you’re good at that,” she mumbled.  Olivia smiled.

“Close your eyes,” she directed, just before she dropped off to sleep.  Alex looked up when Olivia’s hand stopped kneading and smiled sadly at the exhaustion so clearly evident in the detective’s otherwise beautiful features.  She studied Liv’s face for a timeless moment, then dropped her head back to the soft, firm chest, positioning her ear over Olivia’s string heartbeat.

“I won’t let anything happen to you because of me, Liv.  I can’t.”

Olivia didn’t respond, but her grip tightened.  Alex never realized when she fell asleep to the music of Olivia’s beating heart.

************

“Alex?” She wasn’t sure at first if she was dreaming or if someone was actually calling her name.  Then a hand on her shoulder shook lightly and Alex Cabot blinked open sleepy blue eyes to find Serena staring calmly back at her.  She frowned and tried to clear the fogginess from her mind.  Why was Serena here and how had she gotten in?

“Casey called me,” Serena stated without preamble, keeping her voice a whisper so as not to disturb the still soundly sleeping detective.  “She was worried about you guys.  I used her key to get in.”

“Casey has a key to my office?” Alex asked, her mind not quite running on all cylinders yet.  Serena nodded, extending a hand to help Alex get off the couch without unsettling Olivia.

“Yes, but you’ll have to ask her about it.”  She led Alex over to the small bathroom in the alcove of her office, then took a seat in front of the big desk while Alex washed her face.  She came back out looking much more alert and smiled wearily at Serena.  “You all right?”

Alex sighed and shook her head.  “No, but I will be.”

“You want to talk about it?”

“No - not until I talk to Liv.  She deserves to hear things first.”  They both glanced at the woman asleep on the couch.  “I’m glad you dropped by though,” Alex continued.  “I haven’t seen you since the party at Elliot’s.”

“I know... I kept reminding myself to call you and always something would come up.  Maybe we should try to have a monthly girls’ night out – invite Liv, Casey, maybe Melinda or Liz or even Kathy Stabler.”

“That sounds good.” 

Serena closed her eyes, trying to visualize her schedule.  “I’ll have to check my calendar; I’m drawing a blank at the moment.  I’ll talk to Casey.  Have her invite Melinda; then I’ll ask Liz and Liv can ask Kathy.  Once we know how many, we can figure out when and where.”  ”

Alex nodded her agreement and Serena rose from the chair.

“All right.  Now I’m going to head back to the office, but you call me if you need anything, okay?  Either one of you.  We’re all a little worried.”

“Me too,” Alex confessed, the tired eyes looking back at Serena showing a measure of defeat in them.  Serena wondered what could have possibly caused such a reaction in her otherwise strong, resilient friend.  She had never seen that expression on Alex’s face before and it was more than a little disconcerting now.  She knew Casey was at lunch with Munch, but she determined to corner her for an information exchanging session as soon as possible.  She took Alex in her arms and just held her there for a long moment.

“Take care of yourself and Olivia, Alex.  We all need you both in our lives.  We know what doing without either of you is like – we’ve done it and none of us were happy with that scenario.”

“Thanks, Serena... and thank you for checking in on us.”  Serena brushed a ghostly kiss over Alex’s cheek, and with a last look at Olivia’s resting form, she was out the door.  Alex returned to her desk to work, but most of her attention remained focused on Olivia.  Then her interns figured out that her door was open again and she was forced to concentrate on the problems and questions they brought to her.  She could only hope it would make the time pass faster so she and Olivia could go home, because regardless of everything that had already happened, it was still only Monday. 

************

“So, Counselor,” Munch drawled in that Baltimore twang of his, “to what do I owe this distinct and unique pleasure?  Is this to explain that rather cryptic phone call we had this morning?”  He picked up his thick sandwich and took a bite.

“John, what was Olivia been working on over the weekend?”

Munch stopped chewing and looked uncomfortable, but then he swallowed and answered her question as honestly as he knew how.  “We’re trying to find some sort of link between the victim and Liv besides the obvious, but so far we’ve come up empty.” 

“DNA?”

Munch shrugged.  “For what it’s worth... no match in the system.  The only real open case Liv is the primary on is the five borough rape/murder, but that one has reached a dead end in all the precincts.  All we’ve got are unfounded suspicions.  Unless something new comes to light....” he shrugged and picked up his sandwich again.  “Casey, what’s going on?”

So she told him what had happened earlier in Alex’s office with Robert and why she was concerned for both Olivia and Alex.  “There’s no doubt they love each other, John, but I’m worried all of this piling on top of them could break them apart if it doesn’t let up soon.  Considering all they’ve been through just to actually become a couple....”

“I know.  We’ve tried to keep an eye on them, but there’s only so much we can do without Liv wanting to kick our collective asses.  However, I’ll mention this to Fin and Elliot.  We waited too long to see Liv happy again; maybe we can encourage this Robert character to go away quietly.  I can’t imagine what Cabot was thinking.”

“That’s okay – I don’t think even she knows at this point.”  Casey’s phone rang at that moment and she excused herself to answer it.  In a moment she was back with an interesting smile on her face.

“What?” Munch asked. 

“Oh... apparently we’re having a girls’ night out,” not sharing with him the concern she could clearly hear in Serena’s voice.  Serena had promised to explain later, knowing Munch’s curiosity would get the best of him if Casey left him alone too long.

“Oooh, can I come?” Munch asked with a smile.  “I always wanted to see what happens when you girls get together for fun.”

Casey smirked at him.  “It’s a lot like when the squad goes out to Mahoney’s, except we go somewhere a lot nicer and there aren’t any belching contests.”  She took a swallow of coffee and picked up a fry.  “Other than that, well... it’s a girl thing.”

“You’re not gonna tell me, are you?”

“Nope.  The sanctity of the sisterhood must be upheld.”

“You do realize I am going to make it my life’s goal to find out, right?” tilting his head to look at her over his glasses.  “It’s a conspiracy and I can’t allow any conspiracy that crosses my path to remain uninvestigated.”

“You can try,” she smirked.  “Just as long as you understand that there’s enough law in this particular sisterhood to make you disappear into the black hole of conspiracy theories.”

“Oooh... women who play rough,” he snarked and wiggled his eyebrows.

“Careful, Munch...” arching a single brow at him.   “Cabot has been in jail before.”

Munch laughed out loud and held up his hands in surrender.  “All right!  All right!  I give!”  He finished up his sandwich and his tone turned serious.  “I’ll keep you posted; do the same?”

“Yep.”  She dropped some money on the table.  “You need a lift back?”

“No,” checking his watch.  “I’ve got an appointment nearby.  But thanks.”

He walked her to her car.  “Bye, John.  I’ll be in touch.”  He watched her drive off, then turned and walked the other way, knowing Fin would be around with the car shortly.

************

“Do what you need to do, Detective,” Alex said, just stopping herself from slamming the phone down.  She clicked the intercom.  “Maggie, can you bring me the files on the Dickson case?  I’ve got some angry detectives waiting on an answer.”

“Right away, Ms Cabot.”

“Alex?”

Despite her misgivings and feelings of guilt, Alex couldn’t stop the smile that crossed her face at the sleepy sound of Olivia’s voice calling to her from the couch.  She rose from behind her desk and crossed the room to kneel at Liv’s head, reaching out and brushing dark bangs away from her face, then moving to her hand to the place she’d slapped earlier.  There was no mark, but Alex knew and so did Liv.  Olivia not only didn’t flinch away from her touch, but she reached up to hold Alex’s hand in place.  “It’s all right, Alex.  It doesn’t even hurt.”

“I’m so sorry, Sweetheart.”  Olivia remained quiet, knowing Alex needed to say this... to get it off her chest and make things as right as she could.  “I never meant to hit you; I never thought I would.  As it is, I’m still not sure how I did.  But I swear it will never, ever happen again.  You are my whole world, Liv.  I can’t believe....”

Olivia shifted and tugged Alex off the floor to sit beside her, never releasing the hand against her face.  Alex perched precariously on the edge, but her eyes never left Olivia’s.  “You’re right, Alex – it won’t happen again.  I won’t let it and neither will you, but the fact is I’ve been waiting for you to reach your breaking point.  I didn’t push on purpose – I wouldn’t do that to you,” she went on before Alex could voice her question. “But it’s been building since you got back.  I’m glad I was here to catch you when it happened.”

“So am I.  I couldn’t have done this alone, Liv.  It would have swallowed me whole.”  She took a breath and looked away and Olivia waited patiently.  Finally, Alex spoke again.  “I miss the person I was before I left the first time – brash and feisty and independent.  I want to find her again... I want to be her again.”

Olivia nodded and swallowed hard, allowing her eyes to wander to keep Alex from seeing the pain she couldn’t quite hide.  “Would you like some company while you search or is this something you need to do on your own?” 

Alex’s head swung around so fast, Liv was a little surprised she didn’t hear bones popping.  “What?!?  I thought... I need....”  Alex tried to pull away, but Olivia held fast.

“I thought and I need too, Alex, but I wanted to be sure that’s what you wanted.  After what you said earlier....”  Her brow furrowed in thought and she cocked her head as though listening to an inner voice.  Then her eyes flashed to Alex’s brown meeting blue in an intensity of understanding.  “Oh God... you said that because you wanted to protect me.”  She pulled Alex to her until they were breathing the same air, lips not quite touching but close.  “Baby, I promised you I’d always be beside you.  Please don’t push me away because it’s getting hard.  That’s when we need each other the most.  We’ll get through this... together.”

“Promise?”

“Guaranteed, Sweetheart.”  Olivia let one hand curl into the long blonde locks, urging Alex closer until their mouths met in an open-mouthed kiss that swiftly grew in strength.  So lost were they in their passion that neither of them heard the door open until there was a gagging sound from someone inside the room.

“God, I’d heard you’d turned out to be some kind of perv, Alex, but I never thought I’d be forced to actually witness it.  Figures you’re a dyke – I know I wasn’t the only man you were ice cold with.  I think I might be sick.”

“I’m sorry, Ms Cabot.  I tried to keep him out,” her harried assistant said from the door.

“It’s all right, Maggie.  I’ll take care of it.  Just get me those files please.”

While Alex’s vulnerability was most noticeable when it came to their budding relationship, it was equally obvious that they were both very protective of it.  They were learning how to be part of a couple, and neither of them was willing to let the rest of the world intrude on their discovery process.  Alex finished kissing Liv and pulled back; Olivia watched the transformation happen and knew that at least parts of the Alexandra Cabot she remembered weren’t buried too deeply. 

“Maybe if you’d knock, Jim, you wouldn’t be exposed to things that are none of your business.  But please don’t pretend disgust when it is all too clear that the only thing bothering you about this scenario is you haven’t been invited to be a part of it.”  Olivia bit her lip to keep from laughing at the expression on the man’s face; Jim Steele had the audacity to act offended.

“How dare you!  This is a public building paid for by taxpayer dollars and you’re a public servant on city time... both of you.  I’m pretty sure what you’re doing is illegal.”  His voice was smug. 

“No, it isn’t,” Olivia assured him, sitting up behind Alex and running a hand through her wild hair.  “But if you don’t get the hell out of here, I’m pretty sure what happens next will be.”

“I doubt you want the kind of publicity that could come from this sort of exposure, Alex,” trying to ignore Olivia.

“Jim, I honestly couldn’t give a shit.  Would you like me to call Arthur for you?”

“You’re serious,” his voice flat, but holding a hint of incredulousness as well.  “You’re not the Alex Cabot I remember.  She’d have done anything to avoid a scandal... especially of this magnitude.”

“Jim, was there something you wanted?  Because you’re right – I’m not the Alex Cabot you remember, and this Alex Cabot is completely over your posturing and your attitude.  Olivia and I are together... in every sense of the word.  This is a forever kind of thing for both of us.  So unless you have a specific purpose here that doesn’t involve stupidity coming out of your mouth, get out of my office.”

“Must have been quite a shock for your fiancé to find out you were a dyke, Alex, but then again... maybe you just haven’t found the right man either.”  She’d been afraid he wouldn’t be able to resist that tired cliché, but before Alex could respond, Olivia was off the couch and moving toward him.  Jim laughed.  “Oh, isn’t that special....”

Alex clasped Olivia’s forearm and shook her head slightly when their eyes met.  Olivia braced when Alex used her grip on Liv’s arm to stand beside her, then smirked when Alex slid the arm down around her waist.  She allowed her own to do the same.

“Don’t bother, Jim.  Whatever we once had is long gone until there isn’t even friendship left between us.  Olivia is all that’s right in my life. I assure you she is all that the man I could want and all the woman I have dreamed of.  Now unless you would like me to allow Olivia to remove you by force, I suggest you take your prejudiced, chauvinistic attitude and leave.”

A knock sounded on the door and Arthur Branch stuck his head in the door.  “Alexandra, do you have a minute?”  He looked around the room, noting the closeness of the two women and the aggressive stance Jim Steele was in.  “Is there a problem?”

Steele looked at Arthur, then at Alex and Olivia realizing they hadn’t moved away from each other in the DA’s presence.  He turned back to Branch.  “No... I was just leaving.”  Arthur waited, closing the door firmly behind Steele before turning back to Olivia and Alex.

“Is everything all right, Alexandra?”

“I've definitely had better days, Arthur."  Alex sighed.  "What can I do for you?"

He gave her a half sigh.  "I actually came down to talk to my newest bureau chief to see how she's settling into the job.  But I think it might be better if I come back later."

"You can talk in front of Olivia, Arthur.  She's my partner; we don't keep secrets."

He motioned them to resume their seat on the couch and turned a chair around to face them.  "So tell me, Alexandra," leaning forward with his elbows on his knees and clasping his hands together.  "How are things going?"

A knock on the door kept Alex from answering right away.  The door opened and Maggie stepped into the room.  "Ms Cabot, I'm sorry to interrupt, but I have the files you requested and I have calls for you on lines two and six."

"Thank you, Maggie," accepting the files.  She turned to Arthur.  "Can we talk later?"

"Of course.  Call me and we'll set up an appointment when you're a little less busy."  He looked at Olivia.  "Detective, do you have a minute?"  Olivia stood, extending a hand to Alex, then the two women exchanged glances.  Branch watched, fascinated by the silent communication he could see going on between them.  Liv looked at him and nodded.

“Sure.  I need some coffee and I don’t think Alex would object to a cup either.”

“Good... I’m buying,” Arthur offered.  He held the door and Liv brushed a kiss over Alex’s cheek. 

“Be right back, Babe.”  Alex nodded and Olivia crossed the threshold with Branch following right behind her.

They walked out of the building and down the steps by mutual unspoken consent.  There was a coffee shop on the corner that the entire DA’s office tended to use – Branch walked by it, going a little further down the block and ducking into a little mom and pop place Olivia would never had suspected was there.  Arthur motioned her to a chair and she sat while he gestured to someone who obviously knew who he was.  In moments, both of them had large slices of cherry pie a la mode and coffee in front of them.  Liv was a little surprised but she dug in heartily, her stomach grumblingly reminding her that her lunch was still sitting on the table in Alex’s office and it had been an exceptionally long time since it had been filled.

Branch watched her scarf down the food like she was starving and signaled over a second piece.  Olivia looked up startled when it was set in front of her and she blushed.  “Sorry,” she mumbled.  “I haven’t eaten in a while and I hadn’t realized how hungry I was.”

Arthur held up his hand.  “Don’t apologize, Detective.”  A beat.  “May I call you Olivia?”  She nodded and he continued.  “I’m aware of what you’ve been up to lately.  When a police officer is targeted like that, it runs the grapevine pretty quickly.  How are you doing – personally?  I know how the case is progressing.”

“I’m tired... a little hungry, obviously.  Otherwise....”  She shrugged.

“Otherwise, you also have Alex to consider.  Olivia, may I be frank with you?”  He waited for her agreement.  “Once upon a time, Alexandra Cabot was among the best and brightest New York City had working for it.  No challenge was too tough and she was being groomed for the big chair.  Her record with the SVU, while certainly not what any prosecutor wants, was a vast improvement over the numbers we had been pulling and had the incident with Velez not come up, she would have been transferred to major cases as the next logical step in her career path.”

Olivia tried to ignore his choice of words in regards to Velez and focused on what he was saying instead.  She figured there had to be a point somewhere.

“As it is, she skipped a couple steps and was made a bureau chief at the behest of the DEA, and she’s doing an excellent job... don’t get me wrong.  She’s taken kids as green as I have ever seen them and started them down the right path.  It will take a while, but I think we’ll get some good prosecutors out of them with Alex as their mentor.  She could still take the big chair eventually... if she wants it.  But I get the impression her heart is no longer in the law.”

Liv sat quietly for a moment, organizing her thoughts when it became clear Branch was waiting for a response.  “I’m not sure I’m the one you should be talking to.  No matter what I do or don’t think, the fact is that this is Alex’s life and Alex’s decision.  I’ll support her no matter what she decides to do... even if she decides she wanted to go back to Florida and be Mickey Mouse at Disney World.”

She paused and then continued more slowly.  “I do know that this last month has been a hell of a roller coaster ride for her.  A whole lot has happened, not the least of which was me pouncing on her almost the identical minute she resumed her life here in New York.  Fortunately, I think that worked out the way she wanted it to.”  Liv couldn’t stop the smile that crossed her face and Branch smiled in sympathy.  He had seen how happy they both were and knew it for the truth.  “But the pressure from the DEA and Robert to help them take out Rivera has made some things more than a little difficult.  Add being practically forced to come out to virtually every member of the society that was once your life and I think it would be fair to say she had a rough few weeks.”

“I understand that, Olivia.  It’s one reason I’m concerned.  Is there anything I can do to help?  I don’t want to lose her; she too good a prosecutor.  But I don’t want her to be miserable either.”

“Just respect whatever decision she makes if the time ever comes for her to make one,” Liv answered him honestly.  “And be her friend if she needs one.”

Arthur looked at Olivia with new respect.  “You’re a very wise woman, Detective Olivia Benson.  I’m glad you came into Alex’s life.  She needed someone like you.”

“I needed someone like her too... but thank you.”

The rest of their time in the restaurant passed in silence while they finished their pie.  Then they headed back, making sure to pick up coffee for Alex.


Chapter XVII

“I hear Kathy is going out on a girls’ night with you and Alex tonight,” Elliot said as he and Olivia headed back to the station house.  For the last three days, they had been re-examining every possible lead they could dig up on Rivera, the multiple rape/murders and the victim that had been a message for Olivia.  They all had a gut feeling they were linked; proving that instinct true was going to be something else again.

However, Cragen had called them back in, saying Fin and Munch had found something.  So they were picking up lunch in preparation for what Cragen had warned them would be a lunch briefing.  “Yeah,” she said.  “Alex asked.”  She smiled, shrugging.  “I couldn’t say no.”

Elliot smirked.  “She has you so whipped, Liv.”

“Willing surrender, El.”  She snickered at him when he clutched at his chest.  “How are things between you and Kathy?”

He sobered considerably.  “Better.  At least we’re talking.  We’re still going to counseling although I know I’m missing a lot.”  He shrugged.  “I’m glad we’re talking again; I hadn’t realized how much I missed just talking to her. I’m real glad she hasn’t cut me off from the kids.”

“I don’t think she’d do that even if she never got over her anger with you.  No matter what problems you’ve had in your marriage, you’ve always been a good father, El.  You’ve got good kids.”

“Yeah, I know,” he agreed.  “What about you and Alex?  You talked about having kids?”

Olivia’s eyes nearly bugged out of her head.  “Elliot!!”

“What?!?”  She slapped him in the arm.  “Hey I’m driving here!!” sending a glare her way.  Olivia glared back but crossed her arms over her chest to keep from smacking him again.  He gentled his tone.  “What’s wrong, Liv?  You’re great with kids.  I think you’d be a wonderful mother.”

“Elliot, Alex has only been home for five weeks.”

“Liv, Alex may have only been back for five weeks, but the two of you have been part of one another’s hearts for more than six years.  You can’t tell me you haven’t thought about it.”

“Actually, I can.”  Elliot risked a glance at Olivia and found nothing but truth in her expression.  He arched an eyebrow, inviting her to continue.  “I’m not going to get into it, El.  Alex and I haven’t talked about a lot of it and she deserves to be the first to hear anything about that.  But trust me when I tell you I haven’t spent the last six years thinking about Alex and I having children – and I think it’s safe to say she hasn’t either.”

“All right,” he nodded.  “I’m sorry.”  Her eyes snapped to his profile at the unexpected apology.  “If I’d thought about things, I’d have known better.  I just think you’d make a great mom – you both would.”

“Maybe,” she said shrugging.  “But we have other priorities to take care of first.”  She opened her door after he put the sedan in park.  Elliot cocked his head at the tone in her voice and turned to look over at her as she opened up the back door to retrieve their lunch.

“Liv, everything okay?  Alex all right?”

“Yeah, mostly.  I’m just... I dunno, El.  I’m probably just being paranoid.”

He cocked his head at her.  “I doubt it – that’s not your style.  What’s your gut telling you, Liv?”

“Something’s still not right.”  She held up her hand.  “We’re doing okay – there are still some rough spots we need to work on, but for the most part we’re fine.  We’ve been talking a lot... especially in the last week,” not mentioning what had precipitated their conversation or what they had been talking about.  That was too private to share with anyone other than Alex... even Elliot.  “But I’m worried about everything else.  Between the pressure the DEA has tried putting on her and a job with the DA’s office she’s starting to really hate, and this threat against me... I’m just waiting for her to completely crack.”  She looked at him and he saw pain in her dark eyes.  “She’s already fallen apart on me once, El.  And I don’t know what to do for her to make it any better.”

“Has she talked to anyone... other than you?”

Olivia shook her head.  “She got some names from Huang when we went to lunch, but she hasn’t called anyone yet.  I’m getting a little....”  She blew her bangs off her forehead.

“You just be there for her, Liv – whenever and however she needs you to be there for her.  That’s all a good partner can do.  You be there for her and I’ll be here for you whenever you need to talk or blow off some steam or whatever.  Eventually, she’ll figure it out; Alex is a smart lady.”

“You think so?”

“Think Alex is smart?  Yeah - she knew enough not to let you go, didn’t she??  Besides, I like living.  I’m not gonna tell Alex Cabot she’s being stupid unless I have incontrovertible evidence to back it up – and maybe not even then.  Now, c’mon... we need to get inside and find out what Fin and Munch got.  I am ready to be over with this whole case.”

“So am I.  I need a vacation.”  Elliot stopped walking so quickly, Olivia nearly ran into his back.  “ELLIOT!”

He turned and squinted his eyes at her.  “Sorry.  I think I need to get my hearing checked.  It sounded like you said you needed a vacation.”

“I do – preferably a deserted tropical island with just me and Alex – and maybe a cabana boy dropping by to serve us perfect Mai tais once in a while.”

Elliot wanted to question her on that particular fantasy a little further, but reality got in the way before he could open his mouth to speak.  “Benson, Stabler... with me,” Cragen said as they stepped into the precinct. They exchanged glances and shifted back into business mode, then followed the captain into the interrogation room where Fin and Munch were patiently waiting.

They took the bags out of her arms before Olivia could put them on the table.  She blinked and took the drink her partner offered her.  Then she took a seat and leaned forward, pinning Fin and Munch with her gaze.  “Please tell me you have something.”

“We have more than something, my dear Olivia.  We have everything,” Munch gloated.  He took a bite of his burger and chewed slowly.  “Or at least almost everything.”

“Munch, lemme tell it before girlfriend here kicks your skinny white ass.”  Fin turned back to Olivia.  “I put some feelers out to my old narc buddies, figuring they could prob’ly get the lowdown on those vics faster than we could.  Turns out they’d all been key players in Velez’s organization who refused Rivera’s invitation to join him. Now we still got no evidence more than word on the street, but they do all tie back to Velez and from there to Rivera.”  Fin took a deep gulp of his drink and resumed speaking.  “The choice of vics was meant to bring the rest of Velez’s stragglers into line.”

“Did it?”

Fin shook his head.  “Dunno.  Word is it was initiation for some of Rivera’s new blood.”  He shrugged.  “We’re still working on it, but with no new evidence and no DNA....”

“In the meantime,” Munch commented, leaning back in his chair, “we may have come up with something on the Brooklyn murder.  Obviously that was meant as a message for you, but it occurred to me that this might not be the first message you’ve been sent.  At first we thought it might tie into the serial killings.  We’re still working on that angle.  But we know the Brooklyn deal was aimed at you... as was the attack near your apartment.  We’re going to talk to the two gentlemen you and Alex apprehended.”

“You think they’re tied together?”

“I think it’s not beyond the realm of possibilities.”

“I agree,” Cragen spoke for the first time.  “And you know who it points to as the most logical culprit.”

“Yeah, but getting evidence against a DEA agent is going to be a bitch.  Hammond might croak if we have to bust his boy for murder,” Stabler snorted.

Munch held up his hand.  “It’s all still speculation, but we’re going to check into it.”

“Meanwhile, you’re being assigned to protective custody.”  Cragen held up his hand before Olivia could open her mouth to protest.  “Not for you, Liv, although I’m sure the guys will continue to keep an eye out on you.  We think you need to keep an eye on Alex.  If her... whatever Robert Claiborne was to her is behind this, she’s the next most logical target.  He hurts you worse by doing harm to her than to you and he knows that.”

Olivia scrubbed a hand through her shortened hair, glad once again she’d had it cut into something much more manageable.  “Sonovabitch!” standing and pacing away from the table.  She let her hands come to rest on the back of her neck and closed her eyes.  They waited while she calmed herself; then she turned back to them and pinned Cragen with a stare.  “How long?”

“However long it takes.  This comes down from the top – they want this bastard caught.  He’s made it too personal.  And you know how the department feels about that.”

Olivia sighed.  “I know, Cap.  I just think Alex has been through enough.  I’m not sure how much....”  She trailed off, but each of the detectives knew where her train of thought was leading and there wasn’t one there that would disagree.  Cragen stood and walked up behind her, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder.

“Olivia, the two of you have been through a lot just to be together and I know these past few weeks have been rough for both of you.  I want you to take care of Alex for a little while, and let her take care of you.  I think you both need that right now.  We’ll take care of things here.”  He sighed.  “We don’t want to lose either of you again, all right?”

Olivia blew out a breath and nodded her agreement, walking to the door.

“Liv, where ya going?”

She turned and looked back at Elliot.  “I’m on protective detail, El.  I’ve gotta go break the news to Alex.  Wish me luck.”  They all grinned at her and she smiled rakishly.  She turned back to the door then looked back over her shoulder.  “Do me a favor though, will ya?”

“Name it, Girlfriend.”

“When you do nail this bastard, I wanna know why he needed to involve Alex in this at all.”  She turned around fully.  “I want to know,” she enunciated carefully, “what his REAL agenda is here.”

“You wanna be there to watch?”

Olivia grinned toothily.  “You know it.” 

They watched her walk out of the room and then exchanged glances.  “I almost feel sorry for that Robert character.  He shouldn’t have messed with Alex.”

Munch looked at Elliot for a long moment.  “I wonder why Hammond let him.”  All eyes shifted towards him.  “C’mon... Jack Hammond knew what a pain in the ass Alex Cabot was.  She proved that her first few days in the program.”

“I don’t think he did.”  Three shocked, surprised faces whipped in his direction.  Cragen smirked at their expressions and held up his hand to stop any speech.  “No, I’m sure Hammond was well aware of Alex’s pain in the ass status.  C’mon... we all knew within hours of her being assigned to the unit.”  The detectives all chuckled their agreement.  “So it is very possible that Hammond had no idea what this Robert character was doing until after it was done.”

“Then he needs to regain control or step away from his job.”

Cragen held up his hand.  “We’re not going to get into that debate.  It’s not our concern right now.  Right now we need to be concerned with how to take care of this threat to Olivia and Alex as quickly and expediently as possible.  I want my detective back.”

Munch slapped the table.  “Fin and I’ll head out to Riker’s to visit Frick and Frack.  I figure they’ll be ready to talk to us after a month in lock-up.  And they’re our best bet for a connection right now.”

“Right,” Cragen nodded.  “Get on it.”  He turned to Elliot.  “Drop the other.  It’s been shifted to cold cases - that came down from the top.”

He nodded and braced himself, pretty confident what was coming.  “So you want me to...?”

“Keep an eye on Liv and Alex.  There will be a small contingent working with you, but that is to be your primary focus for the time being.”

“You know she’s gonna get pissed if she finds out, Cap.”

“Elliot, she’s not stupid.  She knows we’re going to do everything in our power to protect them while we bring this guy down.”

“The sooner the better if you ask me.

“From your lips to God’s ears.”

************

“Tell me, Nick... did you actually graduate law school or did they run a special on diplomas in your local Walmart?  You do the research – you find the answers.  You don’t need to be in the DA’s office if all you want to do is make deals.  Think about it.”

Olivia watched the young prosecutor storm out of Alex’s office, then turned her attention back to the woman sitting behind the desk.  She closed the door and slipped up behind Alex, putting her hands on Alex’s shoulders and bending down to whisper in her ear simultaneously.

“Rough day at the office, Sweetheart?”

Alex closed her eyes and relaxed into Olivia’s hug sideways and with a little effort.  “Tell me again why I took this job.”

“Um... it sounded like a good idea at the time?” not sure what sort of response Alex was looking for.

“Well, it is sounding less and less like a good idea as time goes by.”  Olivia moved around until she was standing in front of Alex’s chair, the blue eyes slowly opening as realization dawned on Alex that Olivia was no longer behind her.  Liv extended her hands and Alex accepted them without hesitation, allowing Olivia to draw her to her feet and guide them both to the couch.

Liv nestled her body into the corner and pulled Alex down beside her to cuddle in her embrace.  Alex went willingly, closing her eyes at the contentment she felt wash through her.  She tucked her face into Liv’s neck, breathing deeply of her scent and feeling lips brush over her hair.

They had spent hours in this position at home, talking and sharing bit of themselves with one another – especially since their fight a few days earlier.  Nothing had been taboo and they had come to understand a lot about themselves and each other.

“I’m glad you’re here,” Alex said as she relaxed.  Then she stiffened as the implications of what she said sank into her consciousness.  “Wait... why are you here?  I haven’t had a chance to call you yet,” glancing at her watch.  “It’s the middle of the day.  Shouldn’t you be working?”

“I am,” Liv admitted without hesitation.  “You’re my new assignment.”  Alex pulled back and glared at Olivia balefully.  Olivia launched into an immediate explanation and though Alex didn’t move out of her arms, she was shaking her head no before Liv could finish.

“No, Liv... don’t you see?  This is exactly the situation I was trying to avoid.”

“No, Alex... it’s not.”  She took Alex’s face in her hands and forced her chin up until their eyes met.  “He’s targeting you now to get to me.  I’m not going to let that happen.  And neither are the guys.”

Alex took one of Liv’s hands in her own and kissed it, then held it back to her face.  “I can’t do this anymore, Liv.  I feel like I’m coming apart at the seams.”

“Alex... Sweetheart?  You need to talk to somebody.  I’ll be right there beside you every step of the way for as long as you need me, but you need to talk to a professional about all this stuff.  You’re trying to deal with too much on your own and it’s killing you.  I couldn’t live with that again; I’ve already been through that once.”

“I wouldn’t want you to,” Alex confessed.  “And I called George this morning.  I have been listening to what you’ve been saying, it just took me a little while to get my ass in gear,” acknowledging Olivia’s efforts to get them into counseling. “I think he was waiting for my call.  He got me an appointment with a female therapist friend of his at five this afternoon.  I was going to call you about it, actually, but things have been a little crazy around here today.”  She looked at Olivia seriously.  “Is it a full moon out or something?  Because it seems like the world as I knew it has gone nuts.”

“Well, the world has gone nuts, but I’m glad you called George.  I’ve been worried about you.”

“I know... sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry... just improve,” Olivia smirked, bracing for the smack she knew was coming.  Alex obliged her and crossed her arms over her chest and pouted.

“I guess the honeymoon is over – you don’t think I’m perfect anymore.”

Olivia couldn’t contain her laughter.  “Oh, Sweetheart – not since the day we met.”

“Why you...!” launching an unexpected tickle attack.  Olivia bit her lips to keep from shrieking her surprise and her laughter.  Then she returned the favor wholeheartedly, tickling Alex in return until they collapsed against one another, breathless.  “That felt really good,” Alex said.  “I needed that.”  She snuggled back into Olivia’s arms, smiling when they tightened reflexively.

“So did I.  Makes everything else sorta fade into the background.”  A knock on the door stopped any further discussion and Maggie stuck her head in, looking around until she spotted her boss and Olivia cuddled up together on the couch.  If she was surprised by Liv’s unexplained presence, it didn’t show on her face.  Instead, she took a step into the office, holding onto the doorknob.  Alex cocked her head in question.

“What’s up, Maggie?”  But before she could respond, she was pushed aside.

“God... don’t you two know how to get a room?  Or do you think you can just flaunt your perversion on the public’s dime?”  Jim Steele turned his focus to Olivia.  “Don’t you have a job, Detective or are you using Alex to sponge off the Cabot estate?”

Alex jumped from the couch and walked right into Jim Steele’s personal space.  This time, however, her reaction wasn’t a slap – and only Olivia’s lightning fast reaction kept Alex’s bunched fist from making a forceful impact on his face.  Steele stepped back involuntarily.

“Get. Out. Of. My. Office.” Alex hissed.  “And don’t ever, EVER come back in here again.  I have listened to enough of your vitriolic bigotry.”

“I’m going to Branch with this, Alex.  I hope you haven’t gotten too fond of this office, because you’re not going to be in it by the time I get done.”

“I think you think too much of yourself and your skills, Jim,” Alex said, relaxing into Olivia’s touch.

“We’ll see, Cabot.”  He walked out, slamming the door behind him.  Maggie exchanged a look with both Olivia and Alex before opening her mouth.  Alex just shook her head. 

“It’s okay, Maggie.  He’s always been an ass.  There’s not a lot you can do short of getting a restraining order.”

“Which is distinct possibility at this point,” Olivia broke in.  She turned to Alex.  “What is his issue with you anyway?”

Alex sighed.  “What isn’t his issue with me?  I refused to sleep with him during college even though he was considered the most eligible man in ‘my social circle’; I ‘took’ the valedictory spot from him at law school even though he was never a viable candidate; I made ADA before he did; I became a Bureau Chief on the fast track to the Big Chair.  Then factor in the little issue that I have the best looking detective in the tri-state area as my lover, girlfriend and significant other and it’s no wonder his shorts are in a twist.”

Maggie snorted and both Alex and Olivia grinned wryly.  “Sorry,” Maggie apologized.  “How about I go get the two of you some coffee?”

Alex thought about it, then shook her head.  “No.  You know what?  I’m calling it a day.  Olivia and I have an appointment to go to shortly anyway, and I have had all the stupid I can deal with today.  If Arthur calls ask him to call my cell; otherwise, I don’t want to hear from anyone in this office until Monday morning.  And Maggie – I want you out of here by five.”

“Yes ma’am.  You two have a good weekend.”  Then she shut the door behind her.

Alex moved back towards her desk to pack things up for the weekend.  She straightened files and put things away.  She pulled her purse from the top drawer and set it carefully in the center of her desk, then sat in her chair and leaned back, pining Olivia with a sad stare.

“Why?”

Olivia shook her head to clear it then tilted it towards Alex in question.  “Why what?”

“Why did you prevent me from hitting him, when you let me hit you?  Obviously you possess the skill and speed necessary to stop me.”

“I didn’t actually think you would hit me, honestly.”  Olivia paused.  “Besides, I wouldn’t have you arrested for assault.  I’m pretty sure that jackass would.  He’s obviously intent on making trouble for you any way he can.”  She smirked and looked down at the floor, trying to lighten the atmosphere.  “There seems to be a pattern here with you and troublemakers.”

Alex snorted.  “It would certainly go a long way towards explaining you, Detective.”  She propped her elbows on her desk and leaned her chin on her folded hands.  “I just seem to attract trouble.”

Olivia arched an eyebrow.  “Well, Ms Cabot – it seems we have a couple hours free before we need to go see our new therapist.  Wanna see what kind of trouble we can get into together?”

Alex stood and put her hand in Liv’s extended one.  “That is the best offer I have had today, Detective.  Can we stop and get some chocolate syrup?”

Olivia’s nostrils flared in response.  “Let’s go,” leading them out the back door and down to the street.  It was going to be an interesting afternoon.


Chapter XVIII

“We’ve got to get moving, Sweetheart,” Olivia said.  Alex conveniently ignored her, kissing her way back up Olivia’s naked body and cleaning off the odd spot of chocolate still clinging to soft skin with her tongue.  Without warning, Liv groaned and put her hands under Alex’s arms, pulling her up bodily until she caught Alex’s lips in a consuming, fiery kiss. 

It went on until Alex relaxed against her and two sets of hands started wandering again.  “Oh God... Liv.”  She knew they needed to stop, but it felt... so good.  Here in Olivia’s arms, more than anywhere else, she felt like the Alex Cabot of old – passionate, confident and fearless.

“Alex, unless we wanna go into the doctor’s office smelling like sex and chocolate, we need to get into the shower now.”

“I’d rather stay here,” Alex grumbled, dropping her head on Olivia’s chest and relishing the strength and love she could feel flowing all around her.

“I know, Baby; so would I,” cradling Alex’s face so she could read the truth for herself.

“But we need to take that first step... I know.”  Alex kissed the breast under her cheek and hugged Olivia tightly.  Then she slid from Liv’s grasp and held out a hand to her.  “C’mon, Love... we don’t want to be late.  I imagine the doctor would have a field day with that.”

Together, they walked naked to the shower, closing the door on a squeal.  Maybe being a few minutes late wouldn’t get them into too much trouble with the doctor.

************

“Please come in,” the doctor invited as they were ushered into her office, not commenting on their just out of the shower appearance.  She came around her desk and extended her hand.  “I’m Dr. Norris, Janet Norris.  And you would be Alex and Olivia Benson.  Dr. Huang has told me....  What??” she asked, noting the twin blushes the two suddenly sported.  “Is that wrong?”

Olivia scratched the back of her neck sheepishly.  “We’re um... we’re not Alex and Olivia Benson.”

“Not yet,” Alex murmured under her breath.  The dark haired doctor caught it and arched a brow, but Olivia continued speaking as though Alex hadn’t spoken, though she couldn’t control the second blush that flushed the dark skin of her face.

“This is Alex Cabot and I’m Olivia Benson.”

“Does it bother you, Ms Benson?”  When a frown crossed Olivia’s countenance, Janet continued.  “Would it bother you for Alex to take your name?”

“What?  No!  But it should be her choice... our commitment – not your misunderstanding.  She’s her own person – she always has been.”

“And that’s important to you?”

“It’s important for her.”

Janet held Olivia’s eyes for a long moment, then nodded in satisfaction before turning to face Alex.  “You have quite the champion defender, Ms Cabot; you’re a very lucky woman.” 

Alex nodded her head.  “I know,” glancing at Olivia and sharing a shy smile.  “She’s been my rock.  I’m not sure my sanity would have survived so far without Liv’s support.”  She dropped her eyes to the clenched hands in her lap.  “Some days I’m still not very confident of my stability as it is.”  Alex looked up when Olivia’s hands covered hers.

“It’ll come, Alex.  That’s why we’re here, remember?”

Dr. Norris observed their interaction.  “May I ask how long you have been together?”

Alex pulled her eyes away from Olivia’s.  “Technically – five and a half weeks.”

“Technically?”

“She came storming into my office and forced a confrontation almost the minute I came back to town.”  Alex spared Olivia another look, noting the detective’s focus remained on their entwined hands.  “Best thing that could have happened to us.”  She sighed.  “How much did George tell you?”

“Obviously not enough if I misunderstood your commitment to one another.”

“You didn’t,” Alex said, looking at Olivia who caught her eyes and confirmed the words with a nod, though her eyes never left Alex’s gaze.  “We’ve known one another for over six years, but this facet of our relationship is still very new for us – so new we haven’t even had a chance to talk about doing anything formal or legal yet.  It would be nice to have a chance to settle into our relationship first without all the baggage.”

“Ms Cabot, if we all waited until no one had baggage, the human race would have gone extinct before they started making pictographs on cave walls.  That is just the nature of human relationships.  Tell me... have you been in love with one another for six years as well?”

Alex blinked.  “You certainly don’t pull your punches, do you, Doctor?”

“Ms Cabot, you will find that I am nothing if not blunt.  Honesty has served me well for a very long time.  Unfortunately, I’ve found that it rarely goes hand in hand with tact.  So...?”

“Dr. Norris... is there a reason this is any of your business?” Olivia spoke up.  “I thought we were here so you could help Alex deal with what happened while she was in witness protection and all the crap that has happened since she came home.  Not talk about our private lives and things we are still working through together.”

“Ms Benson, Ms Cabot has indicated that you are her rock... and have been... through all this crap, as you put it.  Therefore, you are the single most important thing in her life and hopefully the same is true in reverse.  But either way, I think it is important for me to understand the nature of things between you so I can determine the best course of therapy for Alex and for you together as a couple.  Believe it or not, I’m not the enemy.  I’m here to help if you’ll let me.  Your choice.”

Olivia was silent for a long moment.  Dr. Norris was much more than she’d expected her to be and Olivia was surprise by her willingness to show them the best way to shoulder their burdens together, recognizing their inherent need to do so.  She glanced at Alex who had remained conspicuously quiet during the entire exchange.  “Well then, doc.” Liv finally said.  “I guess you should probably be calling us Alex and Olivia.”

“And I’m Janet, unless you are uncomfortable with the informality.”  Both women shook their heads and Janet nodded.  “Good.  Then we need to set some ground rules.  George told me a little of what you needed when he explained why he’d sent you to me.  Since we are here primarily for Alex, I would prefer if you do most of the talking,” addressing Alex.  “You need to be the one to decide what to share and when.  However, this is not meant to exclude you at all, Olivia.  Once Alex brings up a subject, please feel free to participate in any way, shape or form you feel appropriate.”

“If at any time either of you feels uncomfortable with a subject, you only need to say so.  We can always go to separate....”

“No,” Alex stated defiantly.  “We’re doing this together... especially through the hard stuff.  We promised each other.  If one of us gets uncomfortable, we can put the topic on the table for later, but neither of us is going to do this alone.”

Janet blinked.  She suddenly understood George’s comment about Alex needing to find her true self again.  Apparently, the formidable woman Alex had been before her ordeal with Velez was still there – she just needed some help uncovering her from all the protective layers she had amassed during her time away.

“All right, Alex.  That’s fine with me.  It’s wonderful to see two people who are so committed to one another.  So why don’t you start at the beginning for me and tell me how the two of you met?  I think a little background would be the best place for me to start.”

Alex smiled and nodded her head, her expression becoming slightly unfocused as she let her mind go back to that very first day with the Special Victims Unit.  Olivia closed her eyes and let Alex’s voice take her back to memories the same and yet slightly different from her own.  This experience could turn out to be the best thing that the two of them had ever done.

************

"Well," Janet said some time later, "it has certainly been a roller coaster ride for both of you getting to this point in your lives I must say.  The good thing is you have built a very solid foundation between you based on honesty and devotion to one another and the love and trust you share will make what needs to be dealt with easier to work through.  However, you both need to understand and accept that this is going to take some time.  Despite the fact that we'd all like an overnight cure, the truth is it will take a while to get Alex to a place where she feels like Alex all the time again; it took time and some nasty circumstances to get her where she is now.  But with love and support and patience, I know she will find her way back to where she wants to be."

"So what now, Doc?"  Olivia subtly glanced at her watch and realized they had been with the therapist nearly two hours and her eyes widened.  Janet smiled.

“It’s all right, Olivia.  I expected as much; it’s why you were my final appointment for the day.  Now we set up an appointment for next week, though if you feel the need, Alex, we can do more than one session a week.  Completely up to you.”

“I’m fine with once a week for now.  If that changes, though, I’ll call you.”

Janet nodded.  “All right.  So shall we try for the same time next week?”

Alex looked at Olivia who shrugged.  “I’m on call but El will probably cover for me for a couple hours.”

“We’ll be here, Janet,” Alex said as she rose from the chair she’d been ensconced in for the better part of one hundred and twenty minutes.  “Thank you for... well, thank you,” extending her hand.  “I was very reluctant to come, but Liv made it easier for me to see that I needed to.  And I’m glad she did.  I can’t tell you how much this has helped already.”

“I’m glad, Alex.  I hope you both feel that way when we start working through the hard stuff.”

“We will, Janet.  We want a real future together, and I know I have to make peace with the past first.”

“Can I ask a favor then... right up front?”  Janet waited for Alex to nod, seeing Olivia’s eyebrow arch in the periphery of her vision.  “When we get you to that point... when you’re finally ready to commit yourselves to each other publicly... will you send me an invitation to the wedding?”

They both blushed, but Alex nodded.  “You bet, Doc.”

Janet grinned.  “Excellent!  Now I need to get home to my husband, and I’d be willing to bet two beautiful women have something better to do together on a Friday night than hang around their therapist’s office.  So you two go have some fun and relax and I’ll see you next week.”

“Same bat time,” Alex joked.

“Same bat channel,” Olivia and Janet finished together with a chuckle.  Then Alex and Olivia took their leave and headed out to meet the girls.

************

“I sure hope Munch doesn’t make good on his threat,” Casey commented as she brought two more pitchers of beer to the big table that now held eight women.  Liz had invited Elizabeth with Alex’s blessing and the two older women were getting along famously, laughing over the antics of a different generation and generally enjoying themselves as a part of the group but also separate.  The six younger women were currently playing pool, or they had been until Casey’s comment.  But that brought seven pairs of eyes to her face as she set the beer down.

“Excuse me?” Melinda asked.  “What does Munch have to do with a girls’ night out?”

Liv’s brows furrowed.  “He didn’t,” pinning Casey with a stare.

“Yeah, he did.  I told him we were a little more upscale, but....”

“One of you want to fill the rest of us in on this conversation?” Kathy asked.

Casey chuckled.  “Sure.  Munch and I were having lunch the other day when Serena called me about doing girls’ night out.  Of course, that made him nosey and he threatened to discover the secrets of the sisterhood for himself since I was unwilling to spill for him.”

Olivia snorted.  “I’m sure we can come up with something interesting to tell him later.”

“I’m sure we could make up something far more interesting than the truth,“ Serena laughed.  “But I’m glad we decided to do this.  I haven’t had this much fun in a long time.”

“Neither have I,” Liz chimed in.  “I never expected to be part of a Ya Ya Sisterhood at my age, but this has been fabulous – very enlightening.  We should do this again.”

They all raised their glasses and clinked them together.  “Hear!  Hear!” they all agreed.

“Can we make this a regular event... maybe once a month?”  A cheer went up around the table and the night went on with much laughter and merriment.

************

“I needed that,” Alex said as Olivia locked the door behind them.  “That was a lot of fun.  It was nice to get together with everyone.”

“Even with your mom there?” taking both of their jackets and hanging them in the closet.

“Yeah... who knew she was such a pool shark?  She even gave you a run for your money.  Besides, it was good to see her loosen up a little; I think she and Liz bonded.”  Together they walked down the hall, stopping to snag two bottles of water from the fridge before entering the bedroom.

Liv chuckled.  “I think so too.  Though that could be trouble for you later.”

“It would be worth it,” Alex said.  “I can’t tell you how much better I feel.”

“All this from a night out with the girls?” stripping off her clothes and sliding into her pajamas.  Liv headed into the bathroom, jumping when Alex pinched her ass.  “Hey!” spinning around and taking a step back out of Alex’s reach, only to find Alex suddenly stalking her like a tiger.  Then Olivia took the initiative and tackled Alex to the bed.

“My goodness, you’re feeling awfully feisty tonight, Counselor,” Olivia said before she leaned down and captured Alex’s lips, nipping at them until Alex surrendered by opening her mouth.  Liv’s assault gentled but continued, her tongue invading Alex’s mouth and stroking tongue and teeth and lips.  Alex reciprocated wholeheartedly, wrapping arms and legs around Olivia’s body like an octopus.  Finally, Alex turned her head to try and catch her breath and Liv returned the embrace until there wasn’t a spec of air between them.

After a moment, Alex pushed back slightly and Olivia loosened her hold enough to cup the planed face in her hands.  “Thank you, Olivia Benson.”  She traced the arched eyebrows, the high cheekbones, the full lips.  “You make me feel... so much.  I love you.”

“I love you, Alexandra Cabot.  Thank you for coming home to me.”

“Thank you for being here... for waiting... for storming into my office.  It gave me the courage I needed to take that step.”

Olivia tenderly allowed her fingertips to follow the delicate bone structure of Alex’s face.  “I was just glad you came after me.”

“As angry as you were?”

“Yeah... the anger was mostly directed at me.  I’d sworn I had given you up – that I would never let you get to me again.”  Olivia shook her head and looked away until Alex grasped her chin gently and brought their gazes back together.  Then Alex bit her lips at the tears she found in dark brown eyes.

“Oh Liv....”

Olivia shrugged her shoulders and bit her bottom lip, but the tears slid down her cheek anyway and Alex soothed them away with her fingertips.  “Sorry.”

“Don’t be.  I know it hurt you... I know I did.  But this helps make us better, right?”

“Yeah.  I didn’t mean to take away your good mood though.  This has been one of the few times since you came home you’ve really relaxed and been the Alex I remembered.”

“Yeah, but I think it’s going to happen more often now.  I really like Janet.  I think she’s going to be able to help me get a handle on all this.  And with you beside me... well, the FBI psych was right about one thing – I do need to work through all the crap that happened.  The thing I could never make him understand was I couldn’t work through anything until I made things right with you.  Thank you for standing beside me and holding my hand.”

Olivia clasped Alex’s hand in hers, bringing it to her lips and brushing a kiss across the knuckles.  “I meant what I told you, Sweetheart, but I’ll keep reminding you until you know it for the truth – I’m not going anywhere.”

Alex closed her eyes and nodded.  “I know that, Love... I do.  I just need to hear the reassurance sometimes.  God!” she exploded, dropping her grip from Olivia’s body and flinging herself deeper into the mattress.  “I HATE being so needy.”

Liv gave her a crooked smile.  “I’m glad you can be needy with me, but don’t worry, Alex.  Your strength is still there.  Maybe I can be needy with you once in a while?”

“Anytime, Sweetheart.  I’ll be your rock too.  Let me up.”  At Olivia’s questioning look, Alex grinned.  “I have got to pee.”

“Can’t hold your liquor, Counselor?”

“Beer goes straight through me. Besides,” she added as she rose from the bed.  “I want to brush my teeth and shower off the smoke smell.  Join me?”

“I’m so there,” Olivia confirmed and followed Alex into the bathroom.

************

“That was Julia,” Alex said late the next morning as she crossed back to the couch to curl up around Olivia’s body while she worked the Times crossword.  “She’s found a few places she thinks might work, but she’s asked for a little more time.  I think she has something specific in mind that hasn’t become available yet.”

“That’s fine, Sweetheart – whenever you and she are ready.  I’m not in any rush to find a new place except as it makes you happy to have the space you need.”

Alex smiled.  “I’m happy here, Liv.  I’m happiest wherever you are.  But I will confess I’ll be glad to have somewhere to put a piano.  I miss my music.”

“I’ve only heard it once, but so do I.  You’re very talented, Alex.  If you ever decide to give up the law, you could always turn to music for a career.”

The blonde head shook.  “No.  Music is a passion for me... something I only share with those I care the most about.  I could never subject myself to the lifestyle going public with something so personal would require.”  She gave Olivia a sly smile.  “No, if I quit the law, I would have to find something to do at home.  How does the title ‘Liv’s Sex Slave’ grab you?”

The coffee Olivia had just sucked into her mouth went three different directions – up her nose, down her windpipe and spewing from her lips.  She choked and gagged while tears ran down her face trying to catch her breath.  Finally, she cast a baleful glance in Alex’s direction.  “A little warning might have been nice.”

“Sorry,” Alex apologized, though there didn’t seem to be much remorse in her expression.  “I just feel really good.”

Olivia let her hands run lightly over Alex’s torso, smiling broadly when Alex’s breath caught at her touch.  “Yeah, you do. However, we’ll have to investigate those feelings later.”  Reluctantly, she pulled her hands from Alex’s body and stood.  “C’mon, you promised your mom we’d meet her for a late lunch today.  Then maybe we could go to the park for a while?”

“Yeah,” Alex agreed.  “I’d like that.”

************

Lunch was nice and Elizabeth couldn’t say enough good things about Alex’s and Olivia’s friends or the good time she had enjoyed the evening before. 

“I am glad you invited me along, Alexandra.  They are a good group of women; I was glad to spend some time getting to know them.”

Alex chuckled.  “You enjoyed showing off your prowess with a pool cue,” she pointed at her mother.  “And don’t think I don’t want to hear all about that soon.  But we were glad you came too.  We thought it might make you feel better if you could meet some of our friends a little more intimately than you were able to at Elliot’s party.  I know you’ve been worried.”

“I still am, Alexandra.  I always will be.  You’re my daughter and it kind of goes with the territory.  But I can see you’re doing better and it is nice to know you have friends close by who love and support you and Olivia.  Sometime you will have to invite them all up for a weekend at the country house.  I’m sure Sara and the girls,” referring to women of her generation, “would love to meet them.”

“I’ll talk to them, Mother.  We’ll see if we can work something out.”

“Excellent,” Elizabeth agreed.  “Now let’s eat.  I know you two have to have more interesting things to do on a free Saturday together than hang out with ‘mom’.”

************

Olivia had left only moments before to pick up some of Nita’s cookies and some fresh bread for dinner at Alex’s insistence.  Alex was trying to prepare stuffed chicken breasts but Olivia’s help had become more distracting than helpful, hence the need to send her out of the kitchen.  Alex smiled; Janet’s words about weddings and commitment had fast-forwarded her thinking.  Her mind wandered to the papers still safely hidden in her desk.  Part of her wanted to give them to Olivia – had since she had drawn them before she’d even come home, hoping....  And though she didn’t doubt Olivia’s love for her at all, she didn’t want to push Liv into making a commitment she wasn’t ready for.  But more and more, Alex wanted a tangible acknowledgement of what was between them, knowing from experience that at any moment, things could disappear in a heartbeat.

As Liv walked down the sidewalk, her smile came unbidden at the thought of Alex cooking in her kitchen.  So much had changed for both of them in just a few weeks.  Her smile became melancholy as her thoughts turned to the rings she had stashed in the safe in her closet.  She’d bought them on a whim a few days after Alex’s return, having seen them in the window of a specialty store one day when she and Elliot had been out.  He’d been good, not commenting on her obvious fascination and refraining from asking questions when she took an extra hour for lunch the following day.  Olivia knew that Alex loved her without reservation – the question was were they ready to take the final step of commitment to one another?  Olivia knew she was but she wanted Alex to be sure as well, and she had already been through so much, especially recently.  They’d already lost so much time by not taking the risk, but was it fair to ask Alex to make yet another life-changing decision so soon?  Olivia shook her head to clear it then opened the door to Nita’s.  Soon, but not yet, she thought.   

The rest of the weekend was relaxed – no phone calls; no work-related responsibilities – only household chores and quiet talks; love and laughter.  They deliberately put aside talk of Robert and Rivera and the DEA and focused on sharing more of themselves, and though neither of them brought up formal commitment yet, their thoughts never strayed far from it.   

************

Olivia lifted her head from where it rested against Alex’s chest, listening to her heart beating out a steady rhythm of life.  She looked around the room lit by the bare coming of dawn, wondering what had drawn her from such a sound sleep.  Alex’s eyes were still closed, her chest moving slowly up and down in the deep cadence of sleep.  There was no sound in the apartment, save the clicking of the refrigerator, the hum of the fan and two sets of breathing.

Olivia’s brow furrowed.  Something had woken her from sleep.  She cast her focus inward, trying to remember what she’d been dreaming, feeling an uneasiness in the back of her mind, but there was only a big blank.  Shrugging, Olivia finally relaxed back against Alex’s body, smiling in the near darkness when Alex’s arms tightened convulsively around her though she never actually woke up.  Liv closed her eyes, but she couldn’t shake the feeling that something was awry.  She never did fall back to sleep.


Chapter XIX

“God, I hate Mondays!” Liv grumbled as she and Elliot headed out to what promised to be a bizarre scene.  They had gotten the call before either of them had been able to grab coffee and she and Alex had been running late despite her lack of sleep.  She couldn’t shake the niggling feeling at the base of her neck either and that was just adding insult to injury as far as she was concerned.  Elliot spared a glance in her direction.

“Bad weekend?  From what little Kathy shared, your little girls’ thing was a rousing success.”

Olivia rubbed the back of her neck.  “It was,” she smirked, “and no, I’m not giving you details.”

“So the rest of the weekend sucked?  C’mon, you idiots... move!  Can’t you see the flashing blue light?”  He slapped the steering wheel in frustration at the traffic jam.

“No... it was nice.  Quiet for a change and relaxing.  We did chores and the crossword.  It’s just....”  Her brow furrowed and Elliot risked a glance in her direction.

“What’s wrong, Liv?  Your Spidey sense tingly?”

“That’s it exactly... like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop.”  She sighed and shook her head, turning to look out at the suddenly moving cityscape as Elliot found an opening and pushed them through it.

“Is it Alex?”

Olivia’s dark head whipped around.  “What?!?  No, El.  Alex and I are doing fine... better than fine, actually.”  She paused and he waited.  Despite the rough patches they had been through in recent months, they were still partners and best friends.  And Elliot knew Olivia would eventually get to whatever was bothering her so badly... even if she didn’t know what that was yet. 

“So have you given her the ring yet?” finally broaching one subject that had been taboo thus far.  “C’mon, Liv... you’ve gotta know she’ll say yes if you ask her.”

“But is it fair to push her for a commitment right now, El?  She’s still trying to find her equilibrium here and every time it seems like she might be close, something else happens to knock it off kilter.  I don’t want to push her into something she might later regret.”

Elliot pulled the sedan into a spot behind a police cruiser and they exited, snapping on latex gloves and crossing to the tape.  Both flashed their badges and the officer nodded and lifted the tape for them to step into the scene.

“Liv, have you ever considered that you’d both regret it more if something happened and you missed the opportunity to be everything to each other?  You know how quick it can happen,” looking at her with knowing eyes.  “Every day I regret all the things I missed with Kathy and the kids because of my stubbornness.  Don’t let that happen to you and Alex, Liv.  You’ve been through enough and you both deserve to be happy.  Life is too short to spend it on regrets and wish-I-hads.”  He turned to the officer guarding the door.  “Whadda we got?”

The officer shook his head and pointed his thumb towards the interior of the warehouse.  “Nothing I would be able to explain without you having seen it first.  Let’s just say that kind of kink is something I didn’t get when I was young and limber enough to give it a try.”

Elliot gave him a wry smirk and patted his shoulder before he and Olivia crossed the threshold into another example of man’s inhumanity to man.  They took in the scene slowly, carefully noting everything they could without doing more than moving in a circle.  They then exchanged glances and moved towards the CSI team.  They had a lot of work to do.

************

“Benson!  Stabler!  My office.”  Olivia spared a wistful glance at the coffee pot before following her partner into Cragen’s office, taking the seat he gestured to.  “So what do you have?”

“A real twisted son of a bitch, sir, but apparently not a very bright one.  The crime lab boys were able to lift several prints as well as some fibers.  With any luck, our perp’s already in the system.  If not....” Elliot shrugged.  “We’ll find him; it’ll just take us a little longer.”

“Just try to be quick.  The press is already jumping all over this one.  Apparent suffocation by dildos and butt plugs makes for fascinating headlines.  We started getting calls before you two arrived on the scene.”

“What the hell??” Liv asked, jumping up from her chair. 

“Yeah, I have Munch and Fin checking into the leak.  Meanwhile, keep on it.  The sooner this is solved, the sooner it will go away.”

“Hope we don’t get a copycat,” Elliot mumbled.  Liv just groaned.

************

“Eric, you can do this.  The detectives gave you a rock solid case.  All you need to do is go in that courtroom and present it.  All right?”

“Thanks, Alex,” Eric said before leaving her office.  Alex dropped her head into her hands and was still sitting that way when Casey knocked on the door.  She looked up and an expression of relief crossed her face.  She waved Casey in and the ADA complied, shutting the door behind her.

“Rough day?” Casey asked compassionately as she took a seat in front of Alex’s desk.  “It’s not even lunch time yet, Chief,” giving her a sympathetic smile.

“Rough week,” Alex answered honestly.  “You know about the sex toy case Liv caught Monday morning?” 

Casey nodded.  In face, she was currently expecting to be paged for a warrant.  When she had been in the precinct for a briefing earlier that morning, Olivia and Elliot were very close to having the evidence they needed to obtain one.  She had borne the frustration they felt in being so close but not close enough, but made it very clear she had to have more before they got anything.  Alex, however, didn’t know about any of this and continued speaking.

“I think I have seen her a sum total of ten minutes since Monday morning.  She didn’t come home at all Monday night and I was asleep before she got home last night.  I saw her long enough this morning for her to remind me how much I miss her when she’s gone before she was out the door again.”

Casey chuckled and shook her head.  “Damn, Alex... you’ve got it bad.”

“No kidding,” Alex agreed wryly.  “But I wouldn’t change it either.”  She straightened the papers on her desk.  “But I’m sure you didn’t come here to listen to me go on about missing Olivia.”  Alex looked up and met Casey’s eyes.  “So what can I do for you?”

“Actually, part of the reason I am here is Olivia.”  She held up her hands before Alex could panic.  “I’m expecting a call for a warrant and Elliot will make sure Olivia comes to get it.”

“You and Elliot having problems?”

“What??  Oh no... no more than usual.  But I think Olivia is missing you at least as much as you’re missing her.  Stabler pulled me aside this morning after we got into it over the warrant they wanted.  I promised I would try to be here in case something broke and since I am back from arraignments and don’t need to be back in court until this afternoon....”  She shrugged.  “I’m just trying to do right by my detectives.”

Alex smiled.  “I remember those days.”

“Do you miss them?” Casey asked candidly.

Alex slid her glasses from her face and chewed thoughtfully on the earpiece while she considered.  “Mostly, no,” she replied with surprising candor.  “I miss working with the detectives of the one-six.  They’re good people... people I am still proud to call friends.  But the rest...?  No.  I don’t miss the ugliness and the brutality and the endless nights that seemed to have so little justice for the victims that needed it the most.  That thirteen-year-old girl brought that home to me so clearly the other week.  I will always, ALWAYS stand by Liv and support her, especially as long as she works in Special Victims.  But it’s not something I ever want to do again.”

“So you like being a bureau chief?”  Casey saw the hesitation, but before she could question further or Alex could respond, her phone rang.  “Novak... yeah, I’m in Bureau Chief Cabot’s office.  Can you have her meet me here?  Thanks.”  She looked back at Alex.  “Elliot... Liv’s on her way.”

“Why?”  It was all Alex said, but Casey knew what she was asking.

“Because you’re both my friends, and ten minutes is not going to make a difference in catching this nut job.”

“How can you be sure?”

“He’s at work and under surveillance by an off-duty police officer who happened to be pulling a detail there.  We’ll know the instant he moves or be able to pick him up if they find something.  Now before Liv gets here, would you like to have lunch with me and Serena?”

“Sure,” Alex said, “as long as you don’t have to be in the squad room for the interrogation.”

Casey shrugged.  “I will, but we’ll worry about that when we get to it.“  Then a knock on the door interrupted them and Alex invited Olivia into her office.

She wanted to walk straight into Alex’s arms – it was clear from the expression on her face, but she settled for a long look before focusing on Casey and laying out the facts of the case.  It didn’t take but a moment and Casey was nodding her approval.

“I’ll get your warrant, Olivia.  Liz has been standing by to sign it since our discussion this morning.  I’ll be right back,” she added, slipping out the door and leaving the two of them in privacy for a moment.  Alex just had time to stand before Olivia stepped behind the desk and took her into her arms, pushing gently until Alex was just seated on the desk and Liv was standing between her legs.

“God, I have missed you, Sweetheart.”  She didn’t give Alex a chance to respond verbally; instead Olivia dipped her head and their lips met in a passionate embrace.  “I have to go,” she said long minutes later.  “Keep the light on for me tonight?”

“I’ll wait up for you,” Alex promised.  Then Olivia walked out of her office, snagging the warrant out of Casey’s hand with a muttered ‘thank you’ as she crossed the threshold.

The two lawyers stood in the doorway together and watched the detective sashay with a distinct swagger down the hall to the elevator.  Olivia stepped in and turned to lean against the wall, smirking and waving at Alex and Casey before the doors slid shut.  Liz crossed to stand beside them and Casey touched Alex’s arm. 

“I’ve got to get back to my office, but I’ll be by to pick you up for lunch when Serena arrives.”

“Thanks, Casey.  I’m looking forward to it.”

Liz turned to look at Alex, taking her by the arm and leading them both back to Alex’s office.  “So is Olivia the handful at home she is at work or out with the girls?”  Alex’s eyebrows nearly flew off her forehead and her mouth dropped open.  Liz laughed.  “Sorry,” less than sincerely, “though I have to admit it was worth it to see Alex Cabot completely flabbergasted,” she added with a smile.  “You two fit so well together.”

Alex recovered quickly and smirked.  “Yes, we do, and yes, she is.  I can’t tell you how much I missed her while I was gone.  I couldn’t live without her now.”  Something in Alex’s tone made Liz cock her head.

“Bad enough to make it more permanent?” she asked.  “Alex, you’ve had those papers in your possession since you came home.  Isn’t it time to do something about them?”

“Before,” Alex corrected softly.

“Okay, before.”  Liz tilted her head and pinned Alex with a stern look.  “Before?”

Alex nodded and looked down at her lap for a long moment before raising her head to meet Liz’s eyes.  “I wasn’t sure... not after what I’d said to her in that hotel room, but I wanted it.  I was hoping really hard.”  She bit her bottom lip and gave Liz a crooked smile.

“So what’s holding you back now?  C’mon, Alex... you were never a coward before.  What is stopping you from telling the most incredible person you know that you want to spend the rest of your life with her - together as a couple?”  Liz paused and gripped Alex’s forearm gently.  “You of all people know how precious life is and how easily and quickly it can disappear.”

“I’m afraid she’ll say no.”  Liz’s eyes popped wide open.

“Excuse me??  Alexandra Cabot, have you lost your mind??  That woman is crazy mad in love with you!  Why on earth do you think she’d say no to committing herself to you formally and legally??”

“Because we’ve already been through so much just to be together!  What if she thinks just being together is enough, especially after the crap we’ve endured since I came home?  I don’t want her to feel like she is being pushed or maneuvered into something she really doesn’t want.”

If Liz had glowered any harder, Alex’s hair would have caught fire.  As it was, Alex felt like a dunce student waiting for the rap on the knuckles from a disappointed instructor.  “Alexandra Cabot!!!  I should tell your mother on you!  You know better – you know Olivia Benson better than that.  Give her some credit for being a mature, responsible adult who loves and cares for you more than her own life.”  A beat, then she continued in a softer tone.  “Alex, you didn’t see the shell of a woman she became while you were gone.  Trust your instincts.  And if you can’t do that, trust hers.”

A knock on the door and the trill of a cell phone ended the discussion and both women rose.  Liz made a face before answering her cell and Alex squared her shoulders before inviting her visitor in.

“Ms Cabot?”

“Just a moment, Nicole,” motioning her to a seat.  She took Liz by the elbow and waited for the judge to put her call on hold.  “Thank you,” she said sincerely.  “I think I needed that kick in the ass.”

“Just make sure you do something about it, Alex.  Don’t put it off.  I’ve got to go, so I’ll see you later.”  She pointed a knowing finger towards Alex and shut the door behind her.  Alex took a deep breath to fortify herself then walked around her desk to sit and solve the next intern crisis.  At least it would help the time pass until she saw Liv again.

************

“Nothing!” Elliot grumbled as he slumped back in his chair.  “Tore his place apart and not one damn piece of evidence against this punk.”

“That’s because the DNA wasn’t his,” Munch said as he handed them the coroner’s report.  “It’s similar, but not identical.”

“But the fingerprints...?”

“... could have been planted,” Olivia said, sitting up so quickly her elbows slapped the desk. 
”Remember the tech mentioned they were awkwardly positioned.”  Elliot nodded and leaned forward, his mind picking up Olivia’s train of thought.  “So we need to be looking for a male relative.”

Munch shook his head.  “I don’t think so, Liv.  Check the results closer.  Your perp is a woman.”

“Sonovabitch,” she cursed out loud.  “How did we miss this?”

Elliot and Munch exchanged glances.  “Liv, Munch and I’ll cover this... see if we can come up with a name or something.  Why don’t you go home and spend a little time with Alex?  She always puts you in a much better frame of mind.“ 

“Please,” Munch implored.  “Your life is the thing male fantasies are made of.”

Olivia arched an eyebrow in his direction.  “Was that a sexist comment, John?”

“No – God’s honest truth.  Trust me on this – no conspiracies on this... statement of fact.”

Olivia held his eyes for a moment longer and then she shook her head chuckling.  “You are so full of shit, Munch.  But ya know what,” she added, standing up and straightening her desk.  Then she snagged her keys and gave them both a rakish grin.  “I gonna take you up on it and go home.”  She walked to the door and turned back.  “Alex promised to wait up for me tonight.  It’ll be nice to surprise her and be early for a change.  Night, guys.”

They waited until they heard the slam of the outer door.  Then Stabler turned to Munch with a grin.  “Nicely done.”

Munch returned the expression then sobered.  “Thanks.  I was hoping to get her out of here before she thought to ask about Dumb and Dumber.”

“Still nothing?”

“No.  We know Claiborne got them released from Riker’s the day before the body was found in Brooklyn, then they disappeared.  No trace of them at all.  Even our buddy Robert appears to have gone underground.” 

“Yeah, it’s becoming something of a concern.”  Stabler turned to Fin as he came in the door. 

“What’s the word?”

“There is none.  According to my sources in the narc squad, Rivera’s pulling back, takin’ his business underground.” 

“What??  Why?”

“Claiborne screwed shit up six ways to Sunday involving Cabot.”

“Yeah... so did the DEA.”

“Yeah, but Claiborne’s fuck-up put Rivera’s organization in the DEA’s sights instead of rockin’ up his powerbase by being so in with the DA’s office.  Word is Rivera’s sure that steppin’ back and away from Claiborne’ll take the heat off his organization and focus their attention on Claiborne.”

“Has he made Claiborne as an agent?”

“Dunno. I think it means Claiborne’s bein’ set up as a patsy.  If I was Rivera, it’s what I’d do.”  Fin shrugged.  ”He’ll disappear and run things quietly for a while.  By the time the DEA finds him again, his base’ll be secure.  No one will challenge him for a while.”  He sighed.  “I dunno, man... it doesn’t feel right lettin’ him get away, but we got nothin’ on him we can move on.  And honestly... I’m not down with helpin’ the DEA no more.  They done Cabot dirty.”

“And our buddy Robert is playing right into Rivera’s hands.”  Munch stated.  Fin nodded.

“So where does that leave us?” from Elliot, clicking his pen before tapping it on the desk.

“As far as Rivera goes – watching and waiting.  Claiborne’s a wildcard; we’re still looking for him and his compatriots, but....  In the meantime, we need to see if our male friend has a female relative with an agenda against him.”

The other two nodded their agreement, and they settled in again to work.

************

“Honey, I’m home,” Olivia called out as she stepped into her apartment.  “I always wanted to say that.”  Alex’s head popped out of the kitchen, then she looked at the clock and back at Olivia.

“Wow!  You’re home early.”  She dropped the towel she was holding at the same time Olivia divested herself of keys, gun and badge.  Then they met in the middle in a hot, open-mouthed kiss.  Liv ran her hands down to Alex’s ass, cupping it through the silk shorts she was wearing and pulling her closer.  Alex tightened her hands in Olivia’s hair, crushing their mouths together.

Eventually they were forced to separate to breathe, but they adjusted for that by wrapping around one another in a tight hug and holding on for long moments before pulling away to gaze at each other at close range.

“Hi,” Olivia whispered.

“Hi,” Alex whispered back.  “I missed you.”

Liv grinned.  “I missed you too.  So much that Elliot and Munch sent me home to get an ‘Alex dose’.”

Alex arched a brow as she subtly urged Olivia’s lips back to hers.  “An Alex dose, huh?  Then far be it from me to keep you from getting your minimum daily allowance, Detective.”

Liv resisted Alex’s tugging, allowing their lips close without meeting.  “I hate to tell you, Counselor, but even my reserve supply has been depleted.  It’s gonna take a while to fill them up again; we could be looking at an all-nighter.”

“That sounded suspiciously like a challenge, Ms Benson.  Are you aware of the consequences of issuing such a dare to a member of the bar?”

This time Olivia brought their lips together, sliding one hand up Alex’s back to tangle in the hair at the nape of her neck.  Finally, they separated again, chests heaving and foreheads leaned together.  “Sounded more like a promise to me, Sweetheart.”

Before Alex could take another breath to respond, loud growling erupted from two stomachs.  They exchanged startled glances, then burst into laughter.

“Well, that certainly killed the mood, but I could definitely eat.  It’s been a while.”

“How long a while?”

“What day is it?”  Alex glared at Olivia’s flippant answer and Liv held up her hands in surrender.  “El and I grabbed a bagel this morning, I think it was.  I know, Alex... I’m sorry.  Can we argue about it after I eat?”

“We’re not going to argue.  Since you can’t look after yourself, I’m assuming that responsibility as of this minute.  So, I want you to go get in the shower and relax a little bit and I’ll finish up dinner.”

“You cooked again?  Alex, you don’t have to....”  Olivia kissed the fingers covering her lips but she didn’t remove them and Alex smiled at the gesture.

“I know I don’t, Love.  I want to.  I actually learned to enjoy cooking and became quite good at it while I was away.  I like being able to share something good with you that came from all that.”

Liv kissed Alex’s fingers again, then drew them from her lips and held them against her heart.  “All right, Sweetheart.  I’ll admit I like it too.  I could get used to being pampered like this.”

“Just give me half a chance,” Alex muttered under her breath.

The buzzer went off on the oven, covering her words and Liv released the hand she held so Alex could go take care of whatever it was she had in the oven.  Olivia followed her and then got shooed out of her own kitchen to go take a shower.  She watched Alex for a minute longer... until a blush ran up her face at the attention.  Then Olivia sauntered down the hallway with a pleased smile on her face.  Despite how nuts things had been professionally lately, she was quickly coming to appreciate the domesticity having Alex Cabot for a partner brought to her personal life.

The water was hot and her thoughts wandered as she relaxed under the pounding water and hot steam.  Elliot was right – she needed to make a commitment to Alex and let Alex decide if she was ready to make their relationship as permanent as the law allowed.  Decision made, Olivia stepped from the shower, trying to figure the best way to ask, not knowing Alex was in the kitchen thinking the same thing.

It was going to be an interesting evening.


Chapter XX

“Thank you,” Olivia said as she seated herself on the couch.  She leaned forward and poured them each another half glass of wine before Alex shifted her so that she could take a seat between Liv’s legs and lean back into her chest.  “That was great, but this is better,” letting one arm drape around Alex’s waist.

Alex tilted her head back and gave Olivia a smile.  “This is one of the most perfect places in the world to be as far as I am concerned,” mischief dancing in her twinkling blue eyes.  “I would be perfectly content to give up the law and stay here on a more permanent basis.”

“I like the sound of that, especially considering how screwy things have been at the precinct lately.”  Olivia shook her head to clear her thoughts; she didn’t want to think about work tonight, but Alex easily picked up on her frustration and shifted a little to better look Liv in the eye.

“Is everything okay, Sweetheart?”

“Mostly, yeah.  It’s just my focus has been off a little lately.”  She squeezed Alex around the middle.  “And I wouldn’t change it... not given the reason for it.”  Olivia kissed Alex on the nose, closing her eyes and moaning when Alex moved to trace her lips with her tongue before invading her mouth.  “God, you’re good at that,” she said, eyes still closed when Alex released her lips.  “No wonder I can’t focus on anything but you lately.  It does make work a little more difficult, but....”  Whatever Olivia had been about to say was swallowed up when Alex kissed her again.

Alex altered her position so she was sitting more across Olivia’s lap, running her hands up the silk-clad torso and combing through the soft, short hair until she could gently scratch the back of Liv’s neck.  Alex felt the world move as Olivia shifted both of them until Liv was completely covering Alex’s length as they stretched out on the couch.  Then Olivia let her hands begin tracing a path up Alex’s body with slow, tortuous precision, removing their clothing as she went.  Skin met skin and talking went to the wayside for a long while after that.

************

Alex delicately traced Olivia’s features, gasping when the smiling lips bit down on her fingers.  Liv’s tongue started teasing her fingers and she left her hand where it was, enjoying the tingles it was causing to spread outwards from the very center of her being.  Her other hand came up and caressed the flesh of Olivia’s face, needing so desperately to remember everything about this moment.

“You are so beautiful,” Alex whispered, gazing into brown eyes filled with so much love it literally took her breath away.  She didn’t realize her own reflected exactly the same back to Olivia, which caused her to smile and release Alex’s fingers.

“Have you looked in the mirror lately, Gorgeous?”  She combed Alex’s hair away from her face then let that hand cradle her face.  “I love you.”  She paused and covered Alex’s mouth with her thumb.  “Shh... let me talk a minute, ‘kay?”  Liv waited for Alex to nod her agreement, then stroked her lips before resuming her speech. 

“I never thought I’d say that to anyone... certainly not in the context of a lover.  You say I make you feel... do you realize you do the same thing for me?  Even when we first met, you made me feel... so much.  And I know that loving you as intensely as I do is not going to change the fact that we’re going to butt heads.  It’s in our natures and I think we both enjoy it to some extent.”  Alex’s eyes twinkled in agreement and her lips curved into a smile.

“As long as we are never deliberately hurtful,” Alex said softly.  “Besides, the more passionate the argument, the better the make-up sex,” she added with a wicked grin.  Olivia chuckled ruefully at the truth of that statement for a moment, then sobered.  Now was not the time to get sidetracked with thoughts of sex.  They could resume that train after Liv said her piece.  She cleared her throat.

“You said you thought about... well, us during the three years you were gone and I know we’ve been dancing around the subject since you got home a few weeks ago.  But I think... I need to tell you what I’ve been thinking and feeling and then you can decide on where we go from here.”

“Yes,” Alex interrupted.

“Yes?  But I haven’t even said anything yet.  You have no idea what you might be blindly committing to here,” Liv took a deep breath to try and ease the pressure she suddenly felt in her chest.  “Maybe you ought to at least let me tell you before you pledge yourself to me.”

“Liv, any promise I make to you would be in my best interests, and I told you when the time came, I would say yes.  But if I’m wrong....”  Olivia shook her head and swallowed hard.  This was more difficult than she had imagined it would be.

“You’re not wrong.  I just want you to know exactly what you’re getting into if you say yes to me.”

Alex cupped Olivia’s face in both hands.  “Olivia Benson, I worked with you for three years before we were separated and I saw your heart and your compassion and your selfless dedication to victims of horrible crimes.  I have lived with you almost from the moment I returned to New York.  Unless you howl at the blue moon or something equally outlandish that only happens on rare occasions, I know exactly what I’m getting into.  You’re a beautiful person, Liv... inside and out.  I don’t think marriage or commitment is going to change the core person either of us is.”

“You’re sure?” hope dawning in her brown eyes.  “I don’t want....” 

Alex couldn’t stop the sheer joy she was feeling from bubbling up inside her and this time she put her thumbs over Olivia’s full lips.  “Shh....” she admonished.  Then she slipped out from under Olivia.  “Let me show you something,” padding naked to her briefcase in the hall.  Liv watched her go, enjoying the view and smirking at the blush that colored Alex’s fair features when she felt Olivia’s lustful gaze raking over her body.  She cleared her throat, and Liv just grinned – an expression she lost as soon as she got a look at what Alex held in her hand.

“Alex?”

“I wanted you to understand how sure I am, Liv.  I had these drawn up before I even came home,” passing the folder to Olivia.  “I wasn’t sure about how you felt, but I knew how I did.  And I wasn’t going to leave anything to chance if there was even a possibility you felt like I did.”

“That’s a lot of faith, Sweetheart.”

Alex nodded.  “For a long time, it was all I had.”  She motioned to the folder.  “Would you be willing...?”

For answer, Olivia flipped open the folder and looked over the paperwork, her eyes widening as understanding sank into her consciousness.  She raised her eyes and met Alex’s.  “Alex, this is too much.  I can’t....”

“Liv, if we were able to get married legally, all this would be moot.  It would all go to you as a matter of course.  The way things are, we have to plan for every eventuality.  I just need to know that if anything happens to me, you’ll be taken care of.”

“Alex, if anything happens to you again, there won’t be any need to take care of me.  I won’t survive it again,” her voice dropping to a whisper.  “Besides, I can’t do the same....”

“You’ve already done so much more, Love.  I was hungry, and you gave me something to eat. I was thirsty, and you gave me something to drink. I was homeless, and you took me in.  And you never asked me for anything in return.”

Olivia bit her lip.  “Actually, I do have something to ask.”  Alex cocked her head, curious as to what could have possibly made Liv suddenly so shy.  It was endearing and a little bit funny, considering they were having such a serious, life-altering discussion sitting around nude on the couch.

“Anything, Liv... you know that.”

Olivia stood and extended her free hand to Alex who accepted it and rose, then they walked side by side to the bedroom.  Liv seated Alex on one corner of the bed.  “Hold these?” handing Alex the folder and stepping into the closet to open the safe.  She swung the door open and reached in, taking a deep breath and closing her eyes while pulling the box from within.  “If we’re gonna make this legal, signing papers and stuff, I’d like to make it as legal and official as we can.  I’d like to do it right – stand up in front of our friends, make our promises to one another publicly and maybe...” holding out the box to Alex, “exchange rings?”

Alex stared at the box for a long moment before turning her attention to Olivia who was suddenly focusing on the floor like she expected to discover gold there.  Alex smiled and opened the box – then she gasped.  The engagement ring was gold with an infinity knot pattern surrounding the three-quarter carat diamond.  The wedding bands were gold with a platinum infinity knot inlay.  Alex picked one up to examine it closer and discovered it had been engraved – Always Live & Love Like You Were Dying.  That was enough to bring tears to Alex’s eyes.

“Oh, Liv....”  Alex rose from her place on the bed and tucked herself into Olivia’s body, smiling when she was surrounded by her embrace.

“You don’t think I’m being corny?”

“I think you’re being incredibly romantic, Detective Sergeant Mushball.  I love the inscription.”

Olivia took the engagement ring from the box.  “This one’s engraved too – Forever... Olivia.”

“You’re going to make me cry.”

Olivia smiled and kissed Alex on the temple.  “As long as they’re happy tears.  Can I put it on you?”

Alex held out her left hand, accepting the ring and the kiss that Olivia consecrated it with.  Then she pulled Liv’s mouth back to her own and indulged on a long exploration, welcoming Olivia’s tongue when it met her own.

“Dance with me,” Alex whispered when they separated, overriding Olivia’s protests until they were swaying to music only the two of them could hear.  After a few minutes, Alex asked, “Will you take me to the place where you got these?  I’d like to get a ring like this for you.”  Olivia opened her mouth to argue, but Alex stopped her.  “I’d like to do things right too, Sweetheart, and that means you get a wedding set too... not just a band.  Besides, I’d like to have your ring engraved as well.”

“It’s hard to argue with motivation like that.”

“I know.  There’s a reason they gave me that JD diploma that hangs on my wall, you know.  It’s not all about the glasses of justice.”

“I happen to like the glasses of justice.”

Alex slid from Olivia’s arms and walked the two steps to her nightstand.  She picked up said glasses, sliding them onto her face and turning around to face Olivia who was staring at her dumbstruck.  “Would you care to demonstrate that affection, Detective?”

Olivia visibly pulled herself together and Alex felt the aura in the room shift – Olivia became the hunter and Alex was most definitely the prey within her sights.  She stalked her slowly, circling behind her, sniffing at Alex’s neck and watching the goosebumps trail down her arm.  She blew in her ear before lightly nipping at the lobe and watched them skitter down Alex’s torso to the top of her groin.  Liv let her hands tease up Alex’s sides....

... then found herself looking up into burning blue eyes through the glasses of justice, trying to figure out exactly how and when she’d landed on the bottom of the pile on the bed.  They gazed at each other for a timeless moment, their eyes reflecting their love and need.  Then Olivia’s lips were captured with fiery passion while anxious hands teased and pulled at her nipples.  And she gave up on the thinking and turned her attention to the loving instead.

***********

“Can you take today off, Liv?”  They were curled up in bed together, idly stroking bare skin, a pleasant lassitude running through their satiated bodies from a night spent making love.  It was early morning – not yet dawn, but close enough that going to sleep now was somewhat pointless. 

“Not the whole day, no.  I’m due in court this morning to testify in the Reynolds’ case.  I should be able to get away after that.  Why?”

“Julia called last night; she said she wanted to show us a property, but that this morning was the only time she could schedule to see it.”  Alex smiled shyly.  “I was going to leave you a note about it since I expected you to be home late.  But your coming home early threw everything else out of my mind.”

Olivia lifted the hand that now bore an engagement ring to her lips.  “I can’t imagine how that happened.  That legendary focus appears to be slipping, Ms Cabot.”

“Oh, it didn’t slip, Detective.  On the contrary – all that attention was focused elsewhere... quite effectively, I might add.”

“God, isn’t that the truth,” Liv agreed, stretching languidly.  “I can’t remember a time I ever felt so lucky... and so loved.”

“Me too,” Alex agreed.  “There was a time I wasn’t sure I would ever actually get to feel this way with you.  To be perfectly honest, I’d rather stay here with you than do anything else.  But since you’re not going to be here, I guess I’ll get up and go into work.”

“Go meet with Julia and look at this place she’s so anxious to show us.  You know what we want and if it’s what we’re looking for....”  Olivia shrugged. “I’ll try to get there, Alex, but the bottom line is I trust you to know what’s right for us.  If it feels like home, don’t let it slip away because I’m not there.”

“All right.  I’ll call and leave you a voice mail as soon as I find out where this place is.  Maybe we can meet for lunch regardless.”

“You’ve got yourself a date, Counselor.”

Their kiss was unhurried but full of passion and promise as was their lovemaking.  After a brief, intense climax, they rested together watching a tiny shaft of sunlight slowly cross the floor towards the bed.  Finally Alex turned her head just enough to look at the clock.

“I suppose you need to get up and get ready.”  Olivia leaned up and checked the time.  Then she sighed and nodded her head.

“Yeah, court days always take longer.  One of these days, they’ll have casual days.”

Alex chuckled, picturing some of the judges and other lawyers in casual clothes.  “I wouldn’t mind seeing that.”  She rolled from the bed and put on a robe.  “I’m going to go fix you some breakfast.  I promised you last night that I was going to assume responsibility for your wellbeing.  And as much as is humanly possible, I intend to keep that promise.”

Olivia got up and wrapped Alex in a hug from behind, kissing her neck.  "You're too good to me."

"Nope.  You've just been alone too long.  But that's not going to be a factor for you anymore."  She turned and pecked Liv's lips first.  "Now go get your shower; breakfast will be waiting for you when you get out."

Olivia nodded and sauntered to the bathroom, well aware of Alex's eyes on her ass.  She stopped at the door and caught Alex's eyes, winking and grinning at the blush that followed, not seeing blue eyes widen in surprise.  Alex scampered out of the bedroom into the kitchen, wondering how long it would take for Olivia to notice.

"ALEX!!!"

"Not very long," Alex muttered, sticking her head in the fridge.  She had breakfast to make.

************

A frown crossed Casey’s face when Olivia crossed her threshold.  “You okay?” noting the turtleneck Liv usually only wore on very cold days.  “You’re not getting sick, are you?”

“No... I’m fine.  You ready to go to court?”

“Yeah, yeah... just let me grab my briefcase.”

“’Kay....” rubbing the back of her neck self-consciously. 

“Don’t worry, Liv.  It’s completely covered and you look very imposing.”  Casey bit her lips to stifle her laughter at the startled look in Olivia’s eyes.  “Olivia... take a chill pill and relax.  It’s nice to know you’re happy – you deserve to be... both of you do.  Now,” shifting subjects to allow Olivia a chance to regain her composure, “let’s go nail Reynolds’ balls to the walls.”

************

“Where’s Olivia?” Julia asked when it was clear that Alex was alone.  “I thought you wanted to visit these places together.”

“We did... do, but Liv had court this morning.”

“So she called me instead.  Hello, Julia.”

“Elizabeth!”  The two old friends exchanged hugs.  “It’s so good to see you.  Come,” she said, beckoning to her driver.  “Let me show you what I have found for your daughters.”  Alex folded her hands over her chest, wondering what she could possibly have been thinking when she invited her mother along.  Then she caught the twinkle of the diamond ring on her finger and smiled secretly.  She wondered how long it would take for them to notice.

The ride was short, relatively speaking and soon they were debarking at their destination.  “I’d heard rumors this place was going to be available soon – it’s the reason I put off showing you anything else sooner.  It’s everything you and Olivia described to me.  It’s a little pricey, but trust me when I tell you it’s perfect.”

“Well, let’s go take a look,” Alex said, waving them inside.  “I already called Liv and let her know where we’d be if she got free in time.”

Julia flashed her ID at the guard manning the desk and signed them all in before leading them to the elevator and keying in the penthouse.  Alex arched an eyebrow at her.

“A little pricey, Julia?  This is more than a little out of the range we gave you.”

“It won’t be, Alexandra.”

“Mother....”

“Alexandra, if this is what you and Olivia want, please let me help.”  Elizabeth took Alex’s free hand in hers and looked into Alex’s eyes.  “From the time you were born, your father and I put money into an account for you – something we could give to you and your husband when you got married.  Since that now seems like a highly unlikely possibility - and trust me, Alexandra, I am thrilled you found someone who loves you as Olivia so clearly does - but since it seems unlikely that you will be getting married, use the money for something that will make you both happy.  That’s what it was intended for.”

Julia tried not to listen to a conversation not intended for her ears and gave a sigh of relief when they reached the top.  “Ladies,” she invited as the doors opened.

They stepped out into a wide-open space with panoramic windows, one whole side overlooking Central Park.  Alex stuffed both hands in her pockets and let Julia show them around expounding on the virtues of the apartment.  Alex fell in love with the chef’s kitchen and the master suite was superb – spacious with a well-appointed bathroom.  Even the second bedroom was large enough that they could have shared office space with plenty of room for Alex’s law library.

When the tour was finished, Elizabeth and Julia went into the kitchen and let Alex wander around alone.  She stood at the windows for a long time, trying not to think but let the room speak to her.  Finally, she turned around just as Julia’s phone rang.  Alex waited til she heard Julia hang up, but before she could speak, the realtor cut her off.

“Olivia is downstairs.  I’m going to go get her and bring her up.”

Alex nodded, suddenly nervous and then waited the longest two minutes of her life for Olivia to enter the penthouse.  Julia was smart and had remained quiet on the ride up.  Alex saw the shock flicker across Liv’s expression before her detective’s mask fell into place and she walked to Alex’s side.  Julia went back to hideout in the kitchen with Elizabeth for the time being.

“This is really nice,” Olivia commented, looking out the windows.

“Yeah, it is,” Alex agreed.  “Would you like the tour?”

“Sure – you really like this place, don’t you?”

“Honestly, yes and no.  I love the view and of course having room enough to put a piano, assuming we can figure out how in the hell to get one up here.  But it lacks the homey feel of the apartment we share now and I don’t want to give that up for anything, no matter what the view or the space.”

“Take me around and let’s see it.  Maybe we can find homey possibilities since you like it so much.”

So Alex took Olivia around and Julia and Elizabeth moved into the living area while the two younger women investigated the kitchen more thoroughly.  After walking through both bed and bath rooms, they returned to the view of Central Park hand in hand.

“You’d really like to live here, wouldn’t you?” Liv asked softly, letting her hands slide onto Alex’s hips.  Alex reciprocated the affection by tangling her hands together behind Liv’s head.  It was then that Elizabeth caught site of the sparkle coming from the ring finger of her left hand.  She grabbed Julia’s arm, but managed to remain silent.

“Not if it will make you uncomfortable to make your home here, no.”

“I know this is probably a ridiculous question, but can we afford it?  I thought we’d worked out what we could afford – somehow I don’t think our figure is anywhere close to what this would cost us.”

“It wouldn’t be if we were going strictly by our salaries....”  And she told Liv about the trust her mother had only just revealed.  They had yet to get into any other sort of financial discussion, though Alex knew before they married, Olivia would need to know the whole truth about what she was marrying into.  “However,” she added, “we don’t have to accept it and we don’t have to live here.  This is just a place.”

“And it makes you happy.  Alex, I know you come from money.  I’ve known that since the very first day you stepped into the squad room in impeccable designer clothes.  It doesn’t change the core person you are at the center of your being, and that’s the person I fell in love with.  I promise not to hold the fact that you are a beautiful, intelligent, extremely wealthy heiress against you.  I’m not so selfish that I can’t set my pride aside to see you happy.”

“Being with you anywhere makes me happy, Liv.  You’re smart, sexy, gorgeous and you love me.  So if that makes you selfish, please keep being selfish.  Now tell me honestly, do you want to live here or not?  I am perfectly content to stay in the apartment we have now.”

“I’m not,” Liv stated candidly.  “I want to hear your music; I want you to have all the things you deserve.  I’d like to be able to give them to you, but if I can’t, there is still no reason for you to do without because of it.  I do have one request, though.”

“Anything,” Alex said without hesitation.  “Name it.”

“I’d like to do some redecorating and remodeling before we move in.”

Alex blinked.  “You know how to do that kind of stuff?”

“I have many skills.”

“Very impressive, Detective.  If I know my parents, there will be enough money in the trust for you to be fairly creative.  Just remember we have to live with whatever you decide to do for a while.”

“Trust me, Alex.  I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised.”

Alex’s answer was a long, passionate kiss – one that would have gone on much longer had Elizabeth not decided to break things up with a smack to the back of each of their heads.

“OW!  Mother, what did you do that for?  I was enjoying myself.”

“So was I,” muttered Olivia, though under her breath for fear of provoking another smack attack.

“I could tell,” Elizabeth answered dryly.  “That was for not telling me about this,” catching Alex’s hand and holding it up so the light reflected off the ring.  “How long were you going to wait until you told me?  And you,” turning to glare at Olivia, “when were you planning to ask permission?”

“Mother... I’m a grown woman and have been for years.  She has MY permission.”

“I know,” Elizabeth grinned.  “I’ve been waiting YEARS for this day and you go and make me discover it for myself instead of telling me??” A beat.  “I can’t tell you how happy I am for you both.  Welcome to the family, Olivia.  You’re in for a hell of a ride.”

Olivia chuckled.  “I know... it’s already been pretty wild so far.”

“Well, that would explain the need for a turtleneck,” Elizabeth commented bluntly blithely ignoring the twin blushes that raced up fair and olive skin alike.  “Now what do the two of you say to the four of us finding a place for an early lunch?  We have a lot to talk about.”

Alex turned to Liv.  “I think we just lost control.”

“I don’t think we ever actually had it.”

“Listen to your betrothed, Daughter.  She is a very wise woman.”  Alex just shook her head and followed the rest onto the elevator. 


Chapter XXI

“So,” Julia said calmly though her insides were jumping up and down.  “What do you think?” after they were seated in the Plaza restaurant. 

Alex and Olivia exchanged glances and Liv covered Alex’s hand with hers.  “We’ll take it.”

Julia clapped her hands together.  “Excellent!  I knew it was what you were looking for when I heard it was becoming available.  I’ll let the seller know and have the papers drawn up this afternoon.  I’ll bring them over as soon as they’re ready.”

“So we can take possession...?”

“Today, if you’d like.”

“We’d like,” Alex said.  “Olivia needs some time to work her decorating magic.”

Both Julia’s and Elizabeth’s eyebrows rose into their hairline.  “You decorate?”

“Olivia is much more than a beautiful detective, Mother – which reminds me... how was court?”

The ringing of a phone pre-empted her response.  “Benson,” recognizing Elliot’s number.  “All right, El. I’ll be right there.”  She turned to Alex.  “Court was good and Casey didn’t tease.  I’m sorry, but I’ve got to go.  You’ll be all right?”  Alex nodded.  “I’ll call you as soon as I can.”  Olivia trailed the back of her fingers along Alex’s cheeks, smiling as her eyelids fluttered closed.  “Ladies, if you’ll excuse me....”  She stood and nodded then walked away without a backward glance though she felt Alex’s eyes on her until she disappeared.

“I’ll never get used to that,” Alex commented softly.

“Can you live with that, Alexandra?  I don’t think Olivia will ever give up being a police officer.”

“I know, but I can’t live without her.”

Julia cleared her throat.  “Maybe I should get back to my office and get that paperwork started.  I don’t want to intrude and I think Elizabeth wants all the nitty-gritty details about this,” she added, holding Alex’s hand up and smiling.  “It’s beautiful... and so is the symbolism.”

“Julia, sit down,” Elizabeth commanded.  “I am not going to compel Alexandra to share any nitty-gritty details.  She and Olivia are entitled to keep a few things private.  I just want to know if they have set a date yet,” waggling her eyebrows in Alex’s direction.  Alex dropped her head into her hands.

“I should have left with Olivia,” she muttered, trying to ignore the laughter coming from across the table.  “Mother, this only happened last night.  I haven’t even gotten Liv a ring yet.”  Elizabeth decided to take pity on Alex and signaled the waiter over for their order.  Then she turned the direction of the conversation to people they all knew.

***********

“What’ve we got, El?” Olivia asked as she stepped from her sedan. 

“A line on our sex toys perp.  Seems our original suspect has a sister.” 

“Do we have a motive?”

“Not yet, but I bet we do once we get her down to the station.”

Olivia looked down at her court clothes and gave a mental shrug.  “All right,” unholstering her weapon.  “Let’s do this.”

Elliot nodded and did the same and they each took a side of the door before Elliot beat his fist against the door.  “Police... open up!!” They both heard the slam of a door and with the understanding gleaned from being partners for so long, Elliot kicked the door in while Olivia headed for the back.

“Call for backup, El!  She’s running!  Police... FREEZE!!!!  Shit,” when the suspect leaped high enough to grab onto the top of the fence.  Olivia ran faster, cursing the shoes she had on.  She grabbed the suspect by the legs, trying to keep from being kicked in her face.  She heard Elliot coming up behind her and held on for all she was worth.  When Elliot arrived he and Olivia jerked the suspect off the fence and tackled her to the ground.

“Goddamn bitch!!  What the fuck is wrong with you??  I didn’t do anything!!”

“Yeah,” Olivia agreed, jerking the woman’s arms up her back.  “The innocent ones always run.”

“Fuck you, bitch!!”

“That’s Detective Bitch to you, asshole!”

“You can’t talk to me like that!  I’ve got rights!!

“You sure do... Mirandize her, El,” Olivia said as they lifted the woman to her feet.  Two uniformed cops came running up to take possession of the woman to give her a ride to the station.  They waited for Elliot to finish reading the suspect her rights before leading her away.  Liv ran a hand through her short hair and blew out a breath.

“You all right?” as they headed back towards the car.

“Yeah, but I’d rather have stayed and had lunch with Alex.”

He opened his door and looked over the roof at his partner. “You’ve really got it bad, Liv.” 

“I gave her the ring last night, El.”  Her voice was quiet, but Stabler heard every word clearly.  His blue eyes lit up with excitement.

“AND???”

Olivia shrugged and looked at the ground but she couldn’t keep the smile from crossing her face.  “She said yes.”

“Yes!!!” he cheered, punching the air.  “At least the turtleneck makes sense now.  That must have been some celebration,” he teased, waggling his eyebrows in her direction before ducking his head down and sliding into the driver’s side of the sedan.  “Congratulations, Liv... it couldn’t have happened to two nicer people.”

“Thanks, El... it’s still a little surreal.”

“Hold onto that feeling, Liv, for as long as you can.”

“Just between us for now, El.  I want Alex to announce it or not as she feels ready for it.”

“Your lips to God’s ears, Liv, but I bet it makes the rounds faster than your fight did.  You do realize that is already the stuff of legends.”

Liv snorted.  “That’s because Hogan place doesn’t have enough real drama.”  Elliot laughed and flipped on the lights and siren as they made their way back to the one-six.

************

“So why’d you do it, hmm?”

“I didn’t do anything.  You don’t have any proof against me.  This is police harassment.”

“Any proof against you for what?”

The woman shrugged.  “Whatever it is you’re accusing me of.”

“Uh huh... and you of course have no idea what those charges are, even though my partner has explained them to you twice already.”

“Your partner,” the woman spat, “tried to kill me.  Jumping on me; jerking on my legs; tackling me to the ground.  Bitch must be some sort of a circus freak to be that strong.  I’ll bet I’ve got bruises.  I’m going to sue your ass off for police brutality.”

“Ya know, El... maybe you should talk to her... you know - like she was a kid.  She’s obviously not bright enough to understand like an adult.”

“I am not stupid!”

“Oh, but you were.  You tried to frame your brother for your crime and you just did a shitty job!  The fingerprints were awkwardly placed and finding his blood was odd given how and where you planted it.  Then to top it off, you left DNA of your own, though I’ll bet that was accidental.  Why did you do it, huh?  Why did you kill those two then try to frame your brother??  What did he ever do to you??”

“He raped me!!!  He and his friends got drunk one night and took turns!!  I was just getting a little of mine back!!  They deserved what they got!!!”  Her voice dropped.  “They deserved a lot worse.”

Olivia and Elliot exchanged glances before they both turned to the mirror even though they were unable to see through it.  Olivia sat down across from their suspect cum victim while Stabler left to find out what kind of scrambling was going on in the observation room in light of their recent discovery.  Liv scrubbed her hands through her hair, making it stand up on end.

“Did you tell anyone?  Did you come to the police?”

The woman shook her head.  “No... who would believe a nineteen-year-old woman with a reputation for being a party girl??  No....” she stated again firmly.  “This was something I needed to take care of myself.  And I did – those two pricks are dead and my dear brother is going to jail for murder.”

Olivia rose from her chair.  “I’m going to go get some coffee.  Would you like something?”

“A coke, please,” the woman responded calmly.  “If it’s not too much trouble.”

“No trouble at all,” Liv assured her, marveling at the dual personality so obviously a part of this woman’s make-up.  She stepped out of the interrogation room and went straight to the crowded observation room.  “She needs a straight jacket and some padded walls,” she said without preamble.

“I’d agree,” Huang said.  “Regardless what the truth is at this point, she’s got some issues that need addressing.”

Cragen nodded.  “We already called for an ambulance to take her to Bellevue.  We’ll keep her for seventy-two hours and see what else we can find out from her.  Meanwhile, you two need to get back out there and see what you can find out about what she said happened.”

“I’ll take her a coke and stay with her until the guys from the hospital get here,” George said.  “Maybe she’ll talk to me a bit.”

Olivia and Elliot nodded and headed out.  “We need to stop for some lunch first.  I promised Alex I would try harder to take care of myself.”

“Pick your poison, Liv.  I don’t think another hour is going to make a difference in this case.”

“I hate this kind of case.  This job is hard enough without trying to find a cold trail that wasn’t even there to start with.  Sucks that she has practically no chance for justice.”

“But we’ll try anyway and hope for the best.”

“I know, El... we always do.”

************

“There is still no sign of him, Mr. Rivera.  Apparently, he knows there’s a price on his head.”

Rivera snorted.  “Considering the chaos he caused due to his disastrous involvement with Alexandra Cabot, he would have been wise to have left the continent.”

Lorenzo cocked his head.  “You don’t think he did?”

“I think his pride has been hurt too much to allow wisdom to guide his actions.  No,” he sighed and rubbed a hand over his chin thoughtfully.  “I think he is going to try to save face.  Assign someone to keep an eye on Ms Benson and Ms Cabot.  Eventually he is going to make a play for them.  We’ll take care of him then.”

“And them?”

“NO!  I do not want the attention we would garner by involving them any further.  Their deaths at our hands will bring nothing but more trouble.  It’s not worth it.”

“Yes sir,” Lorenzo agreed. “I will put my best boys on it with explicit instructions.”

“Good.  Make sure they understand to leave the detective and the lawyer alone.  Anyone who can’t follow that will find themselves victims of an initiation ritual.”

Lorenzo’s eyes widened but his only response was a nod of his head.  That more than anything else Rivera had ordered had brought his organization into line.  If not for Robert Claiborne’s screw-up trying to involve Alex Cabot in the business, however indirectly, the power base would have been secure and it would have been business as usual.  Now they had to recover from a near loss of face – going underground protected the entire organization and granting mercy to Benson and Cabot showed Rivera’s benevolence as well as his intelligence.

Lorenzo just hoped it would be enough for the DEA to find someone else to focus their attention on.  Otherwise the purging within their ranks would be massive.

************

Alex unlocked the back door to her office, hoping she could sneak in and get some work done without a lot of interruptions.  The truth was, she was torn between wanting to tell everyone about what had happened and show off the ring she now sported, and wanting it to remain something precious between the two of them for just a little while longer.  So she compromised – sneaking in, but knowing if they spotted her, it would be all over but the shouting.  It took her a minute to spot the single rose sitting in the middle of her desk, but she couldn’t stop the smile it brought to her face.  Alex touched the silky petals gently, then settled down to work, sorting through the files on her desk.  Soon, she was completely engrossed in what she was doing.

The hair standing up on the back of her neck made her look up to see her doorknob slowly turning.  Alex got up slowly and moved into the small alcove by the hidden door, watching to see who was trying to sneak into her office.  After a moment, the door opened and Jim Steele edged his way into her office, closing the door but not locking it behind him.  Alex frowned – she’d had just about enough of this clown, but her good sense told her to stay put and for once she listened to it.

He started digging through the things on her desk, muttering to himself.  Then he sat in her chair and began to open the drawers one by one, pawing through them and cursing when he reached the locked one that held her purse.  Alex decided it was time to confront him.  “Something I can help you with, Jim?”

He jumped up from the chair, whirling to face her with a look of panic in his eyes.  Then he caught sight of her ring and sneered.  “No, but apparently you need a real man to show you what love is supposed to be about.”

She rolled her eyes at his clichéd, bigoted attitude.  “Jim, what are you doing in my office?  The door was locked and no one knew I was here, so you can’t say you were looking for me.  So what are you doing here?”

“I want you out of here, Cabot.  You took a position that should have been mine by rights to start with.

You and your kind disgust me - always taking things from those who deserve them.”

“You mean the highly intelligent, beautiful female lawyer kind?  Yeah, I can see where that would bother you, but you should be used to it by now.”  She bit her lips to keep from laughing as his face grew apoplectic and red with rage.

“Can’t you be fired for being some sort of pervert or something?”

“If I was a pervert...” she answered, suddenly serious.  “But I’m just a woman in love with another woman.  As employees of the city, the State of New York recognizes our domestic partnership even if they don’t recognize our right to be married.  Still doesn’t make me a pervert.  You don’t have the same protection for being an idiot though.”

He roared and stepped forward but stopped cold when he heard Casey’s voice behind him.  Alex didn’t even blink having watched the door open silently behind him.

“I wouldn’t, Steele.  Your bigotry and snide comments have gone on against the women in this office long enough.  Alex isn’t the first, but she’s going to be the last.  I’ll be going to Arthur this afternoon with a sheaf of complaints against you.  I suggest you turn around and walk out before I call Detective Benson to dispose of you.  Maybe if you’re very lucky, Arthur will accept your resignation quietly.”

He laughed but it was strained.  “You think I’m going to resign??”

“I think if you don’t,” Alex said calmly, “I’ll have you arrested for breaking and entering, harassment and threatening an officer of the court for starters.  Do yourself a favor, Jim... walk away and find something in the private sector.  We’ll all be happier.”

“Oh, you’d like that, wouldn’t you?  You think if I go away all your problems will be solved.  I’m not the only one less than enamored about your return, Alex; and I’m certainly not the only one disgusted by your lifestyle.”

“I am not concerned with yours or anyone else’s personal issues with me.  My personal life is just that... MINE.  And frankly who I love and how I do so is none of your damn business!  Walk away, Jim.  Or I’ll take the gloves off, and when it’s over there won’t be enough left of you for the scavengers to find.”

“Careful, Alex... that sounded almost like a threat.”

“Not at all, Jim,” she responded smugly.  “That was a promise.”

“Well, let me make one to you,” his voice dropping to a growl.  “A lot of the brothers in blue wouldn’t take too kindly to finding out that an SVU detective was a big old dyke.  Bad things happen to gay cops.  Think about it.”  Then he reached for her.

“I’ve heard enough,” Arthur said from the doorway.  He’d come down at Casey’s behest – she’d called him when she saw Jim sneaking into Alex’s office.  “Steele, you’re fired.  You’ve got an hour to clean out your desk, and if I hear one word against Detective Benson, I’ll personally file such a myriad of charges against you, the Supreme Court wouldn’t even hear your case.  Do I make myself clear?”

Jim grit his teeth together so hard it made an audible sound.  “Yes.  Excuse me,” he growled before stomping out of Alex’s office.

“Well, that was interesting,” Branch murmured.  “I’m glad I finally had a reason to fire that jackass.”  He turned to look at Alex.  “Do I want to know what started this?”

She shook her head.  “Probably not,” running her left hand through her hair.  Arthur’s eyes widened. 

“Oh, I see,” he grinned.  “Never mind.  Congratulations, Alexandra.  She’s a good woman.  When can I expect an invitation?”

“Probably after we set a date,” Alex replied with a blush.  Casey stepped up beside them and grabbed Alex’s hand in hers.

“Oh my GOD!!!  This is so great!!!”  Casey opened her arms and she and Alex shared a short hug.  “Congratulations!  I’m so happy for you both!”

“Thanks, Casey... Arthur.  This is still pretty new.”

“But obviously very serious.  How did your mother take the news?”

“What news?” Liz asked from the door still in flowing black robes.  “Arthur, why did Jim Steele just nine-one-one page me out of court?  What’s the emergency??”

“I fired him.”

Liz’s brows rose into her hairline.  “Personally?  Wow, I guess that is news though it’s certainly not an emergency for me.  I’m not sure why he thinks I can or would do anything about it.”

“Probably because you were his mentor once upon a time.  But that’s not the news and we can talk about Steele in my office when you’re done with court.”

“So what’s the news then?” Liz asked, looking at Arthur, then Casey, then noticing the glow on Alex’s face.  “You didn’t??” she asked with a grin as she took Alex into an embrace.

“Yes, I did,” Alex answered, pulling back slightly.  “And so did she,” extending her hand for Liz’s perusal.  “Thank you for....”

“The kick in the ass?  Anytime, Alex,” Liz smirked.  “I’m good at those.  That is a gorgeous piece.  Your detective has good taste... and now I understand the turtleneck she had on this morning.”  She squeezed Alex’s hand before releasing it.  “All right... now that I’ve had my excitement for the day, I need to get back to court.”

“And I need to get back upstairs,” Arthur said.  “I’m sure Steele thinks he has enough friends in high places that he can make a few waves, so I’m going to rock his boat before he can put his oars in the water.”  He looked at Liz. “Come see me when court is over?”

“Absolutely.”  She turned to Alex.  “Congratulations, Alex.”

“Thank you,” closing the door behind them then exchanging glances with Casey.  “Thank you,” she said again.  “How did you know?”

“What... that you were here?  Or that Steele was?”

“Either... both, actually.”

Casey shrugged.  “I didn’t know you were here; that’s what made me suspicious when I saw Steele lurking around your door.  And when he jimmied it open....  He’s been a pain in the ass to a lot of women in this office for years, but he never crossed the line like he did with you.  He seems to have a special animosity for you.”

“Yeah... long story.  Suffice it to say I have been a thorn in his side longer than he has been a pain in the ass here.  So how was court?  Liv didn’t get to say more than it was good before she got a call.”

“We’re in recess while the jury deliberates, but I expect a solid conviction on this one.  Olivia nailed Reynolds’ balls to the wall.  Personally, I think they just wanted lunch before they gave up the verdict.”  They smiled at one another knowingly.  Just then, Casey’s phone rang.  “What do you want to bet?”

Alex shook her head.  “No bet.”  Casey took the call and nodded, then waved as she left, heading back to the courtroom.

Alex looked around her office and shook her head.  She wasn’t going to deal with this place anymore today. She decided to go to the precinct, hoping to catch Olivia.  She knew she was being ridiculous, but all she wanted at the moment was a hug and she knew Liv would be more than happy to comply.

Besides, she wanted to show the guys her ring before they heard about it through the grapevine.  She had a feeling they would squeal almost as much as Liz and Casey had.  The thought brought a smile to her face and on that note Alex locked her office door and headed to the one-six.


Chapter XXII

The sun was bright but there was still a chill in the air when Alex stepped out the doors to hail a cab.  She stopped short when a clean-cut, older man dressed in a black suit approached her.  “Ms Cabot, could you spare a moment, please?  My employer wishes to speak with you.”

Alex looked around before spotting Nicholas Rivera standing casually at a hot dog vendor’s cart across the street.  She looked back at Lorenzo who was waiting patiently and nodded her head before following him to the other side of the road.

“Ms Cabot, can I offer you one of New York’s finest hot dogs?”

“No, thank you, Mr. Rivera.  I’ve already had lunch.”  He nodded his acceptance and paid the vendor, then motioned away from the Hogan Place.  She didn’t move.  “What can I do for you, Mr. Rivera?”

“Walk with me, please.  I only need a moment of your time, then I assure you that you and I will no longer need have any interaction with one another.”

Alex glanced at her watch then nodded.  “All right, Mr. Rivera.  I can give you five minutes before I need to be on my way.”

“Very gracious... I only need two.”  He gestured again and they started walking with Lorenzo playing at being the rear guard.  “Ms Cabot, it has come to my attention that someone of our mutual acquaintance may be trying to do harm to you or your detective friend... Ms Benson, I believe it is?”

“Robert Claiborne?”

“Um...” he agreed noncommittally.  “Although I do not believe you broke his heart, you did hurt his pride when you rejected him for the lovely detective.”

“And why do you believe he intends to do me and the detective harm?” Alex asked calmly, careful not to betray the unease she felt.

“He went a little... berserk... before he left my employ.  I personally believe he is somehow responsible for the death of that individual in Brooklyn that was sent as a message to your detective friend, though of course I cannot prove it at the moment.  And he has since disappeared – I have been unable to locate him.”

“Mr. Rivera, I appreciate what you’re saying.  What I don’t understand is why you’re saying it.”

Rivera wiped his mouth and threw his trash away before spreading his hands.  “Ms Cabot, let’s have frank speech between us.  I have no quarrel with you or with Detective Benson and I would not want blame assigned to me if something was to happen to either of you.  In fact, my business associates have been made to understand that no harm is to come to either of you for any reason on my account.  However, I feel that Mr. Claiborne no longer has your best interests at heart and I would be derelict in my duty as an upstanding citizen if I did not give you the best warning I could.  I cannot make you heed it, of course, but now there is truth between us.”

He waved his hand and a moment later, a long, sleek car pulled up beside them.  “May I offer you a ride somewhere?”

Alex shook her head.  “No thank you, Mr. Rivera.  I doubt very seriously you want to go to police plaza.  But thank you for the offer and for the information.”

He clapped his hands together and gave her a slight bow.  “It was my pleasure Ms Cabot.  I wish you and your detective much happiness together.”  Then he slid into the car and the older man climbed in behind him and the car slipped back into traffic.

Alex watched it go for a long moment, then she shook her head at the surrealness of the entire encounter and flagged down a taxi to take her to Olivia.

************

Elliot and Olivia arrived back at the precinct after stopping at the hospital to speak to the woman they had arrested earlier with no clear plan on how they were going to try to get justice for her.  By her account, it was a ten-year-old crime with no evidence and an expired statute of limitations.

“What are we supposed to do with this, Elliot?  Even if we could build a rock-solid case against this brother, we can’t do anything with it.”  Olivia scrubbed her hands through her hair in frustration.  Elliot threw a file folder onto his desk and leaned back in his chair.

“Maybe we need to get this reassigned to cold cases.  God knows we’ve got enough red on the board without trying to dig up information on something this old.  Let’s talk to the Cap.  See what he thinks.”

They both rose with the intention of going to Cragen’s office when the precinct door opened and in walked Alex Cabot.  Stabler smirked at his partner before calling out a greeting to Alex as he crossed to enter Cragen’s office.  Olivia, on the other hand, went right to Alex and opened her arms.  Alex fell into them with a sense of relief.

“How did you know?” she asked as Liv rocked her gently back and forth.

“Your eyes speak the loudest when your lips say nothing at all.”

“Geez, the mush factor in here is suddenly giving me a sugar rush,” Munch complained loudly as he walked in the door and headed for the coffee pot. Olivia and Alex separated but remained in a loose embrace glaring in his direction.  Fin just popped him on the back of the head.

“Shuddup, Fool, before your bony ass doesn’t live to congratulate them.”

Munch’s eyebrows went into his hairline and he swiveled in their direction.  “Oh ho ho... congratulate them?  Does that mean more than Olivia got lucky last night?  Because Cabot wasn’t the one wearing a turtleneck this morning.”  He waggled his eyebrows.  “I knew getting you out of here early yesterday was a good thing, Liv.”

“Better than you know, John,” Alex answered over the growling coming from low in Olivia’s throat.  She held out her hand and was suddenly surrounded by three male sex crimes detectives and one unit captain.  There were hugs and congratulations exchanged amid much backslapping.

“So when’s the big event?” Munch asked when things quieted slightly.

“We’d like to enjoy being engaged for a little while first, John.  Besides, we haven’t actually started talking about a date yet.”

“Let me suggest June on the beach.  Sun, sand, surf, fresh air and bare feet at sunset.”

“Tell you what, Munch... when we get ready to make plans, we’ll put you in touch with Elizabeth.”

“We will?” Alex asked uncertainly.

“Sure.  Your mom loves Munch and with four weddings under his belt, he’s got to have some ideas to contribute.”

“Hey Munch... if you ever get tired of being a cop, you can be a wedding planner.  I hear people make big bucks doing that.”

“Stabler, if I ever get tired of being a cop, I’m moving to the beaches in Florida.  That’s where all the lovely co-eds go to spend spring break.”

“And where all the hurricanes come barreling through six months of the year.”

“Killjoy,” Munch mumbled before Cragen was hustling them all back to work.  Alex took Olivia’s hand and led her up to the crib, knowing the guys would give them a couple minutes of privacy unless the building suddenly caught fire.

“Sweetheart, what is it?  What’s wrong?”

And Alex told Liv what had happened from the time she’d gotten to her office until she had reached the one-six.  When she was finished, she groaned, “Do you think we could go to Julia’s for the papers and then go pick up a couple Olivia specials from Nita’s?  I wanna go home.”

“Absolutely.  Then I have some ideas for our new apartment I want to get down... see what you think about them.  You think Julia will have some blue prints or at least a layout with measurements we can have?”

“I’ll call and ask her to get them,” Alex said.

“’Kay... you want to rest here for a few while I go wrap a couple things up?”  Liv smiled slyly.  “It’s not like we got a lot of rest last night.”

Alex yawned and closed her eyes, leaning back against the wall until Olivia eased her down onto the pillow.  “So how come you’re so chipper?  Please tell me you at least feel a little tired.  Aren’t you the older woman in this scenario?”

Olivia pinched Alex’s ass hard enough to make her point without doing damage.  “You don’t need to remind me that I’m robbing the cradle, Counselor, and yes... I’m completely beat.  I’m running on an adrenaline high from having the most beautiful woman in the world agree to marry me last night.  And I haven’t had near the stress you have today.  Now rest...  I’ll be back as quick as I can.”

Alex closed her eyes and relaxed, using a yoga technique she had learned during her tenure in witness protection.  She heard the door open but didn’t open her eyes, hoping Olivia would ‘wake’ her with a kiss.  Instead, Elliot’s hand landed on her shoulder and he shook her gently.

“Alex?”

Alex blinked open blue eyes and squinted. “Elliot?”

“You all right?  Liv shared the story you told her.”

Alex scooted up into a sitting position.  “I’m fine... just more ‘weird’ in one day than I’m used to anymore, I guess.  I get more stupid now.”

Stabler chuckled.  “Those interns driving you crazy, Chief?”

“God, were we ever that young?”

“WE??  Alex, I hate to break it to you, but you’re still that young – you’re just adult mature instead of college level reckless.”

Alex snorted.  “Sometimes I wonder about that.”  A beat.  “Elliot, can I ask you a favor?”

A frown creased his forehead, but his eyes never left hers.  “Sure... name it.”  Alex looked down at her hands and clasped them together in her lap.  After a moment of continued silence, Elliot’s hand came into view as he allowed one of his larger hands to cover her more delicate ones.  “Alex?” his voice gentle and coaxing.

“Elliot, I know you love Olivia – you’re even in love with her to some degree.”  He jerked his hand away, but Alex was quick and held onto his wrist and raised her blue eyes to meet his blue ones.  “Please don’t, Elliot and please don’t try to deny it – this is hard enough for me.  I know you do.  I’ve seen it in your eyes and in your actions towards her.”

“Alex....”  He blew out a breath and ran his free hand over his short hair.  Then he took a seat on the edge of the cot.  “You’re right,” he acknowledged.  “I do – she’s my best friend and my partner and she understands parts of me that even Kathy doesn’t have access to.”  His head dropped.  “It doesn’t hurt that she’s gorgeous and has a great sense of humor when she chooses to exercise it.  But I would never, EVER come between the two of you, Alex.  You have to believe that.  The two of you belong together and I do still love Kathy very much... as more than just the mother of my children.” 

“I know,” she replied quietly.  “But you love Olivia as well, and that’s the important thing here.”

He cleared his throat awkwardly.  “So what’s the favor?”

“Liv told you what I told her... about my visit from Rivera?”  She waited for him to nod.  “I’ve got a really bad feeling about what he said, Elliot.  It’s like Velez all over again.”  She shivered.  “I want you to promise me that if anything happens to me – whether it’s because of Robert or Rivera or I drop dead of a heart attack – I want you to promise me that you’ll be there for her, Elliot.  That you won’t let her fall into the funk she did when I went into witness protection and you won’t let her do anything stupid.”  She held his eyes.  “Promise me, Elliot.  I need to know she’ll be taken care of.”

“This is really bothering you, isn’t it?” easily reading the answer in her gaze.  “Alex, I promise you’ll I’ll do everything in my power to take care of her.  But you should know that I can only do what she’ll allow, and last time she didn’t allow me to do much more than share a drink with her once in a while.  I think you should focus on not letting anything happen to you, okay?  Keep yourself safe for her sake if for no other reason – she needs you to.  We’re still looking for Claiborne as well as the two punks who attacked you and her.  Have a little faith in us.”

“This was all supposed to be over, Elliot.  We were supposed to be able to just live our lives and be left alone... live happily ever after, you know?”  Stabler put his arms around Alex and held onto her, feeling her sob silently against his chest.  “I’m scared, Elliot, and I’m tired of being scared.”

“I know... there are some days....”  He shook his head.  “Just remember you’re not alone in this anymore, Alex.  The squad’s behind you and so are a lot of people at Hogan Place.  I’d even be willing to bet a few of your friends in the Hamptons are too.  All right?  We’re gonna catch these bastards and put them away for a long time.”

“All right,” she agreed, pulling away from him and wiping her eyes.  “Sorry... I don’t know what came over me.”

Elliot patted her shoulder.  “It’s all right, Alex.  I’m glad you feel you can confide in me.  And don’t worry... we’ll look after your girl.  We all will.”

“Thanks, Elliot.  I’m glad she has friends like you guys.”

“So do you, Alex.  Don’t discount how much we care about you.”  He cleared his throat again.  “You gonna tell Liv about this?  You being afraid, I mean.”

Alex nodded.  “We made a pact to be honest with one another, and I won’t keep something like this from her.  I’ll talk to her once we get home.”

“What about...?”

“Elliot, she knows.  She told me she had to say something to you about it.”

“She thinks I was transferring my feelings for Kathy to her because she is my closest female friend and confidante and she was partly right.  But she doesn’t want to know that part of what I feel is just for her – because of who she is.  It would destroy our partnership, Alex.”

"It would destroy your friendship, Elliot and I wouldn't take that from her... or you.  You need each other; I understand that.  I won't do anything to disrupt that.  Just promise me you won't be stupid, Elliot.  Don't you hurt her or all bets are off."

He held up his hands in surrender at the fire that burned out of her eyes.  "I promise, Alex."  He smiled.  "I'm really glad she has you.  No one has loved her as fiercely as you do... not even me.  Now let me get downstairs before Liv comes back up here to take you home."

"Actually, I'll come down with you.  I love Liv, but I know she has legendary focus when she gets involved in something."

"Not anymore," Elliot chuckled, offering her a hand up.  "Oh, she's still got legendary focus... it's just not on her police work all the time anymore."  He motioned her towards the bathroom.  "You may want to take a look first," leaning against the table and crossing his arms over his chest in a casual attitude of waiting while Alex stepped into the small space to look into the mirror.

Neither of them heard Olivia slip away from the door and head back downstairs.

************

"Julia was funny," Olivia commented later as they sat next to one another eating their 'Olivia Specials'.  "You'd have thought she’d never sold an apartment before she was so excited."

"I think she was excited over her commission.  She got ten percent off that sale."

"Maybe I should give up police work and go into real estate."

Alex snorted.  “You could, but personally I think you’d miss chasing perps down the streets of Manhattan.  Besides, ‘Detective Bitch’ has a distinctive ring to it that I don’t think you’d get to hear as a realtor.”

Now it was Olivia’s turn to snort.  “Probably,” she agreed and turned back to eating her burger.

“Elliot and I talked today.  He came to check on me while you were downstairs.  I lost it a little bit.”  Liv cocked her head in a listening attitude, not revealing what she had overheard. She smiled comfortingly, knowing Alex would keep Elliot’s secret and Olivia herself would keep secret the fact that she knew everything they had talked about.  It made her feel treasured.  “I’m scared, Liv.  I thought all this was supposed to be over and yet....”

“I know, Sweetheart,” combing her fingers through the hair that had fallen over Alex’s face and tucking it behind her ear.  “But we’ll get him.  And then it really will all be over.”

Alex sighed.  “I know.  I just want it to be now.”

“So do I.  But in the meantime, we have a life to live and a wedding to plan and a honeymoon to look forward to and a new apartment to move into.” 

“I want to come back to the honeymoon part later,” Alex said saucily, “but I have a couple questions about the wedding and the apartment first.”

“Like?”

“Are you sure about Munch, Liv?  I like John, but I know my mother is looking forward to hosting quite a bash.  She’s waited a long time for this, and I don’t think we’re going to be able to get away with a small wedding or an intimate reception.  Is he up for that kind of thing?”

“Alex, he’s a Jewish man who’s been married four times that thinks Elizabeth is a fantastic woman without wanting to bed her and is adored by her in return.  I think they will have fun together and he’ll keep her from going completely overboard.  Besides, the wedding and reception can be as big and fancy as she wants to make it as far as I’m concerned.  When all is said and done, you will be mine and I will be yours and nothing will ever change that.”

 “Olivia Benson... you say the most romantic things.  But for the record, I’m already yours.  A few words spoken in front of our friends won’t change that – it will just make it public record.”  That announcement required a more personal response and Olivia took her time exploring Alex’s mouth.  She smiled into the kiss when Alex whimpered and turned up the intensity.  “God,” Alex breathed heavily when they separated.  “I’m so glad you’re making an honest woman out of me.”

Olivia burst into laughter at the unexpected pronouncement.  “And why is that, Sweetheart?”

“Because otherwise we’d be living in sin,” Alex declared with a hint of a drawl. And then they both burst into giggles.  “God, what has gotten into me today?”

“Stress,” Liv said without preamble.  “Apparently it makes you silly.  It just makes me brood.”

“You don’t need any help with that, Love.  You’re already a professional.”

“Why I oughta....  Ya know, just for that, I’m not gonna show you what I was planning to do with the apartment.”

“That’s not fair!!  That was my other question.”

“Life’s not fair.”

“I hate you, you know,” Alex growled, narrowing her eyes in Olivia’s direction.  “Now be nice to me.”

“Why should I be nice to you?  You hate me.”

“ARGH!”  Liv was very thankful the remains of their dinner were safely on the coffee table because Alex pounced on her and started tickling her mercilessly.  Olivia squealed and started laughing helplessly, trying to get back at Alex.  But her laughter and Alex’s clothing hampered her efforts and she finally had to surrender. 

Alex held her arms over her head cheering her victory; the next thing she knew, she was staring into deep brown eyes from very close.  She cleared her throat delicately.  “Um... hi.”

“Hi.”

“Um... something I can do for you?” letting her lips brush over Olivia’s.

“Nope.  You hate me, remember?”

“Nuh uh,” Alex said, losing her coherence and closing her eyes as Olivia’s hands started to wander.  “I love you with all my whole heart.”  Then she dropped her head and captured the full lips just beneath hers, winding her hands into the short hair and rejoicing when Olivia’s hands found bare skin.  “How do you do that?” she asked breathlessly.

“Do what?” Liv asked dreamily, smiling into Alex’s eyes.

“Make me forget everything but you.”  Olivia rubbed the back of her hand along the smooth skin of Alex’s cheek.  For long moments they remained in the same position, stretched along the length of the couch exchanging tender touches and caresses.  Finally, Alex slid down and put her head over Olivia’s heart, listening to the beat of her heart.  “I love you,” she whispered.

“I love you too,” Liv replied softly.  “Hey, you wanna see what I have in mind for our new place or would you like to be surprised?”

“I trust you if you don’t want to share, Sweetheart.  I already know you have exquisite taste.  But if you’re comfortable enough with the idea, I’d love to hear what you have in mind.”

“Actually, it might be better if I show you.”  She patted Alex’s side.  “Let me up a sec.  I’ll be right back.”  Alex shifted to a sitting position and Olivia slid out from under her.  Alex watched her go down the short hall towards the bedroom and decided to take the time to cleanup their dinner remains.

She took the plates to the kitchen, scraping the remains into the garbage before washing the plates and putting them away.  Then she went back and got their soda glasses and did the same.  She could hear Olivia puttering around in the bedroom closet, then a small crash followed by muffled cursing.

“Liv?  You all right?”

“Yeah, just clumsy tonight for some reason.”

“You want a glass of wine?”

“Sure... then I want you to go sit on the couch and wait for me, please.”

Alex’s curiosity was piqued, but she grabbed the wine and two glasses and went back to the couch.  When she was comfortably situated, she called out, “Ready, Sweetheart.”

Liv came out of the bedroom, but stopped just short of the living room, looking around the wall.  She looked embarrassed and Alex wondered what on earth could have flustered Olivia Benson so much.  Even all the teasing she’d heard about the turtleneck hadn’t made her look as unsure of herself as she looked right now.

“Liv?”

“Alex, I’m going to show you something I have never shared with another human being – not even my mother.  I’m uh... I’m a little nervous.”

“Liv, unless you want to paper the walls in an Austin Powers motif with those horrific psychedelic flowers, I think it’s safe to say you have nothing be worry about.  I’m honored you feel that you can share... whatever this is... with me.  I promise not to laugh, if that helps.”

“I just want you to be honest. No - actually, I want you to really like it, but I need you to be honest.  Because it’s gonna be our place... our apartment....”

“Liv, whatever it is will be fine.  Just show me,” Alex said impatiently.  Olivia nodded uncertainly.

“All right,” then she disappeared back into the hall momentarily before returning with an armload of what appeared to be sketchbooks.  She set them gently on the table and took a seat beside Alex.  Alex kept her eyes on Liv, watching her fidget miserably.

“May I look?”

“Please,” she whispered. “The suspense is going to kill me otherwise,” smiling nervously.

“Is there anything particular I need to see or an order I should look at them in?”

Olivia swallowed.  “Um... well, these are a couple I couldn’t bear to part with,” Liv replied, motioning to a couple of the larger books.  “But this one has what I had in mind for the apartment.”

“But I can look at all of them... and you’ll tell me all about this hidden talent?”

“I’ll tell you all you want to know.”

“Then sit next to me and we’ll go through this together.”

Part 3