Chapter XCI

Charisma and Brianna stepped into the living room and pulled the heavy door to without shutting it completely.  Then they went to opposite corners to keep from disturbing one another as they began making their calls.

Brianna called Matilda first thing, wanting her to be the first to get the news.  Then she called Indi followed by Jas, keeping the promise they had made to everyone at the hospital.  When she was done with those three calls, she waited for Charisma to finish hers before she interrupted.  Charisma simply cocked her head and waited and Brianna felt a bittersweet wave of memory wash over her.

“Brianna?” Charisma finally called softly when it appeared as though she wasn’t going to speak.  Brianna blinked and her focus sharpened as she returned to the present.

“What can I do for you, Charisma?”

“Well, that’s what I was wondering actually.  You seemed to want my attention, but then yours just kind of wandered off somewhere.”

Brianna blushed slightly.  “Oh... sorry.  I was just trying to figure out whom to call next.  I thought you might have a list of the Senators we needed to notify.”

While Charisma believed Brianna was telling her the truth, she wasn’t convinced it was the whole truth.  Still there were things to take care of before they could delve into anything else so she merely nodded her head and looked at her phone.  “Do you have the numbers of the Senators on our floor in your phone?”

Brianna’s eyes widened and she shook her head vehemently.  “Are you kidding?  I only have the numbers of those Senators that I deal with in committee and those only under duress.  To be perfectly honest, I’m still not quite sure which Senators are on our floor.”

Charisma laughed, and though it seemed a little out of place in the sepulcher quiet of the house it didn’t feel at all disrespectful.  Instead it was more of an emotional release, and they both knew that Es more than anyone would understand the need for that.

“Don’t feel bad.  I do know who is on our floor, but I’ve had years to learn.  On the other hand I don’t have most of them programmed in to my phone either.  So let me give Opal another call.  She’ll have to go to the house, but I do have a complete phone book there.”  Charisma made her call; then it was just a matter of waiting for Opal to get to her home and call her back with the information they needed.  The silence was a little bit awkward so when Charisma cleared her throat, it caused Brianna’s head to snap up.  Charisma’s blue eyes met Brianna’s reticent green ones, holding them momentarily before she allowed hers to drop to her clasped hands.  “I read the letters you wrote,” Charisma said softly.  “I never thought... I never understood....”

Brianna shrugged, her discomfort acute.  She moved to the window, feeling the cold of the glass as a welcome touch on her overheated skin.  “Now you do,” she finally replied when it became clear that Charisma was waiting for some sort of rejoinder from her.

“Now I do,” Charisma conceded without hesitation.  “If I had known – no, that’s not fair.  If I had been strong enough to acknowledge what I knew... or at least what I strongly suspected....”  She sighed.  “So much would be different, Bri.”  She saw Brianna’s back stiffen in response, and Charisma bit her lips to keep the tears from spilling over onto her cheeks.  Brianna never moved from her spot by the window, and Charisma took a deep breath.  “I read your letters and they broke my heart, Bri – to know I was so close to having ev....”  She broke off and shook her head.  “And then to watch Es literally start to die in front of my eyes... knowing that Saphira’s death is going to destroy her.”  Charisma paused, then decided she had nothing to lose by gambling everything.  “All I’ve been able to think of is what if it had been you?  What would I do if you were gone?”

Brianna sighed, her voice a bare whisper when she spoke.  “You’d be all right, Charisma.  You’ve lived without me before.”

“But I was never happy, Bri, and I wouldn’t want to – I don’t want to ever again.”

The ringing of Charisma’s phone cut off the silence that dragged on with Brianna’s lack of response.  And by the time Charisma hung up, the moment was over and Brianna had reverted back to her polite, professional persona.  It made Charisma want to cry; instead she handed Brianna half the list and they set about making the necessary phone calls.

************

Kay took a moment to lean against the door and take in the room in front of her.  There was a certain amount of natural curiosity but much of it was in a professional capacity.  It might give her some clue on a way to help Esmeralda.  Because she couldn’t dismiss the fact that everyone seemed convinced that Saphira’s death would devastate Esmeralda, and if Kay could manage it she would love to find a way to prevent that.  So she looked around her, eager to find something she could use to relate to Esmeralda because the closest she could come was her break-up with Brianna, and she knew that wasn’t even in the same league as far as heartache went.  So she was caught completely by surprise when the bed emitted a raspy sounding voice.

“Would you like to come in or are you just gonna hover in the doorway?”

Kay’s eyes immediately latched onto the green eyes just visible in the light of the afternoon sun that squeezed into the room via cracks in the curtains and blinds.  Only years of practice and schooling allowed Kay to maintain the façade of polite interest and not reveal the sympathetic pain she felt at the agony Esmeralda’s eyes revealed.  She pushed off the door and broached the bed, stopping beside Esmeralda without touching her.

“How are you, Esmeralda?”

Esmeralda studied Kay for a long moment before she shifted and patted the space she’d just made.  Kay cocked an eyebrow and Esmeralda just patted the space again.  Kay took the hint and took a seat, waiting for Esmeralda to speak.

“You are Brianna’s best friend, aren’t you?” When Esmeralda spoke again, her words were unexpected, and Kay frowned hard as she processed them.  Then she tilted her head, wondering why Esmeralda wanted to know such a thing now.  Surely she had other things on her mind... things she’d rather talk about and remember.  Kay jerked out of her brown study when she felt soft, warm fingers massage away the wrinkles on her forehead.  She returned her eyes to Esmeralda’s who managed to give her a sad smirk.  “I’m not asking you to cure cancer,” Esmeralda reassured Kay quietly.  “I just want to know if you’re Brianna’s best friend – if you’re someone who looks out for her best interests despite herself.”

“I try,” Kay sputtered.  “I’m not always successful.”

“No one is,” Esmeralda informed her.  “Not even Saphira and I could manage that all the time.”

“Would you like to talk about Saphira, Esmeralda?” Kay asked compassionately when she was silent for a few minutes.  Esmeralda shook her head.

“There’s nothing to talk about, Kay.  She’s gone, and this time there’s no possibility of her coming back to me.”  She smiled weakly.  “I appreciate the offer though... even if it was done from a professional perspective.”

“Maybe a little,” Kay shrugged.  “It is what I do after all.  But mostly it was done as a friendly gesture.  I know we don’t know one another all that well, but Brianna loves you and considers you to be a good friend.  And we take care of our friends just like they were family.  So if you ever want to talk and need someone to listen....”

“I won’t,” Esmeralda said so softly that Kay had to lean down to catch her words.  “But thank you.”

Another few minutes passed and Kay cleared her throat, waiting for Esmeralda to meet her eyes.  “Why did you ask about Brianna?  About my friendship with her?”

“You know the story about her and Charisma?”  Kay nodded her head.  “Don’t let her miss an opportunity to be happy, Kay.”  That was all Esmeralda said, then she closed her eyes and rolled over to put her back to Kay.  Kay sat there for a few minutes longer without moving; only when the door opened did she shift and only enough to see Okasa poke her head in the door.  Kay rose from her seat and trod lightly to the door, gesturing with her chin and following Okasa back out to the kitchen.

“How is she?” Okasa inquired softly.  Kay shook her head.

“It’s hard to say, Mama O.  She seems to have already accepted Saphira’s death, but the depth of her sorrow is staggering.  I can practically feel it emanating from her very being.”  Kay paused and pinched her lip while she contemplated her words.  “I don’t think she is suicidal, but I now understand why everyone is so concerned with Esmeralda surviving this loss.  There’s no will to live there.”

“Can I see her?  Can I talk to her?”

Kay nodded slowly.  “You can try.”  She placed a hand on Okasa’s arm.  “Don’t be surprised if she doesn’t really respond well, Mama.  She’s withdrawing into herself.  I’ve never seen grief like this before... so all-consuming.”

Okasa bit her lip.  “I wonder if that’s because of the way they saw themselves.”

Kay angled her head to one side.  “Because they saw themselves as mates and not merely partners?” seeing Okasa nod.  “You may be right.  Esmeralda is behaving like part of her is missing; the part that kept her going throughout her sickness; a part she needs to be able to survive, much less live.”  Kay held up her hands.  “I know that when half of a couple dies, the other half suffers.  When you’ve been part of someone’s life for that long, something is missing.”  She shook her head.  “But this is more – like when the soul has left the body and only the shell remains... not even realizing that it’s already dead and just waiting to catch up.”

“Kay....”

“I know.  I know it sounds weird, all right?  Trust me... I’m not real comfortable trying to articulate this out loud even to you, Mama.  But you need to understand how serious I think this is.”  Kay took a deep breath and swallowed hard.  “If something was to happen to Lee or Brianna or you, I would be heartbroken because you’ve all been a part of my heart and life for nearly twenty years – and for Lee it would be even more true because he is my husband and the father of my children.”

“As it would be for me, Kay.  What’s your point?”

Kay glared.  “My point,” she complained with a growl, “is that while I would be heartbroken... devastated, even... I would survive.  First I would do it for my kids, but then I would do it for me.  I don’t think Esmeralda has any desire to do that.  The will to live is gone, replaced by unfathomable pain.”

“And yet you don’t think she is suicidal,” Okasa commented flatly.

“No, I really don’t.  I don’t think she needs to be – her soul is already gone, Mama.  She just needs for her body to recognize that fact.”

Okasa rubbed her fingers over her eyes, pinching the bridge of her nose as she blew out a frustrated breath.  “For mercy’s sake - that is simply wretched.  And there’s nothing we can do to make a difference?”

Kay shrugged and shook her head.  “I don’t think so.  But it can’t hurt to give it our best effort either.  Talk to her, Mama.  Maybe she’ll listen to you.”

“What did you say to her, Kay?”

“Nothing really,” blowing out an impatient breath.  “She didn’t give me a chance to.  She told me not to let Brianna miss an opportunity to be happy, then she turned her back.”

“That’s it?”

“That’s it,” Kay confirmed.

Okasa blew out a breath.  “All right.  Let me see if I can do something to help.  If Charisma and Brianna get done with their phone calls....”

“I’ll ask them to wait until you come back out,” Kay offered.

“Thank you,” Okasa said and tapped lightly on Esmeralda’s door before letting herself into the room.

************

Charisma finished up the last of her phone calls before Brianna did so she sat quietly in her corner while Brianna shared the news with the last Senator on her list.  When she was done she leaned back and closed her eyes as she blew out an exhausted breath.  “That’s everyone on my list.  Everyone is planning to be at the service.  They were asking what they could do.”

Charisma leaned back in her chair and stretched.  “What did you tell them?”

“I started to tell them to talk to you about it since you’re the senior here and all,” Brianna replied as she sat up and focused her gaze on Charisma.  “Then I figured since Okasa was planning to host the wake at your home, maybe I shouldn’t add any more responsibility to your load.  So I asked Stephen and Elizabeth to take up a collection.  We’ll have an arrangement sent and give the rest to Es.  If she feels it’s too close to charity to accept it for herself, we’ll donate it in her name and Saphira’s to whatever charity she chooses.”

“That seems reasonable.”

“I can be, on occasion.”

“I seem to remember that,” Charisma offered with a smile.  Brianna averted her eyes and gathered up the paper she’d been using, folding it carefully and sticking it into her back pocket to dispose of later.  She was confident none of the Senators listed there wanted their private information floating around and Esmeralda didn’t have a shredder she could run it through.  Not that she expected Esmeralda to use them of course, but she couldn’t simply throw them away either.  All this was running through her mind as she rose and started to make her way out of the living room.  A hand on her elbow caused Brianna to jerk out of her inner thoughts and nearly clock Charisma in the head.

Brianna blinked.  “Hey... you all right?”

Charisma blew out a shaky breath.  “I’m going to hope that was a reflex and not directed at me specifically,” she said with a smile though Brianna could clearly read the doubt in her gaze.

“Yeah... sorry.  I was thinking.”  She shook her head though she didn’t say anything else.  “Should we go see if we can talk to Esmeralda?

Charisma frowned.  “Are you avoiding the question, Brianna?”

Brianna’s brows shot into her hairline. “Um... what question?”

“Do you think we could...?”  Charisma looked down at her clenched hands, then back at Brianna.  “Look, Bri – all this has really thrown me for a loop.  Seeing what Saphira’s death has done to Esmeralda in just the few short hours since she died; all that keeps running through my brain is what if it had been you?  What would I do if something like this happened to you?”  She held up her hands to keep Brianna from interrupting.  “I know what you said – that I’ve lived without you before and I could do it again.  But the truth is I wouldn’t want to... I don’t want to.  I just... I’d love if we could just let bygones be bygones and start over,” seeing the walls coming up in Brianna’s dulled green eyes. Charisma paused and looked at the ground before taking a deep breath and forcing herself to meet Brianna’s shuttered expression.  “I know this whole situation is my fault.  I’m willing to accept the blame for our entire separation.  Can’t we be friends again?”

“I told you, Charisma... we’ll always be friends....”

“You lied!” Charisma accused, and Brianna flushed as anger swept through her body.

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me – you lied.  You said we would always be friends, but you pulled away from the family... not just ME but the entire family!  Do you know how upset the kids were when they found out Auntie Bri wasn’t coming for Christmas??  Do you know the riot act I got read by your ex-lover for upsetting everyone because I caused your disappearance from the family??”

“Charisma....”

“No, Brianna – you weren’t there.  You didn’t see the kids’ disappointment or have to try and explain to your brothers why someone whom they’d treated as family for nearly twenty-five years had simply tossed them away like yesterday’s garbage!!  You didn’t have to see Mama act like her heart wasn’t broken by someone she considered to be another daughter to her.  So no, Brianna – you don’t get to stand there and try to take the moral high ground with me!”

“This is how you win friends and influence people, Charisma?”  Brianna snorted and Charisma refused to give her the satisfaction of responding.  “You should probably work on your technique.”

“You think this is funny?” Charisma asked, the pain apparent in her voice.  Brianna’s features hardened.

“This was never funny to me, Charisma.  Don’t you dare make light of what this is to me – what it was to me for almost twenty years.  And regardless of the nobility,” said with more than a hint of a sneer in her tone, “of your actions in trying to accept responsibility for the fiasco our interaction has become, the fact is we share the blame equally.  I was the one that bolted, Charisma; you were the one that let me go.  And no amount of wishing and hoping is going to change those two little facts.  I’m not finished,” Brianna said fiercely when Charisma opened her mouth to interrupt.  “I can’t just forget that, Charisma – I can’t forget that I fell in love with you and you fell in love with me and still we couldn’t be together because of your need to adhere to the moral code of people I don’t know and couldn’t care less about!  I can’t forget that even now you can’t admit that you love me... not even to yourself!  And I certainly can’t forget that you refuse to be honest with both of us.”  Brianna paused for a breath.  “I could live with the fact that we can’t be together, Ri... I already have for almost half my life, and I told you before that I’m not a home wrecker.  But I can’t and I won’t pretend what I feel for you isn’t real.  And that’s basically what you’re asking me to do.  NO.  I won’t do it.  You don’t get to have it both ways any more, Charisma.”

“Would you two like to tone it down before you wake up Ruby and Esmeralda?” Kay asked, sticking her head through the narrow opening of the door.  “I know you’ve got things to settle, but here and now may not be the best option available.  Don’t,” she commanded.  “Either one of you.  Right now, you should be focused on what you can do for Esmeralda.  The rest you can worry about when she’s taken care of, all right?”  Kay held their eyes impassively when they both glared in her direction.  “Don’t bother – I have teenagers.  AND I have Mama on my side.”  She almost chuckled when their eyeballs widened comically.  “Now settle down and go see Esmeralda.  We’ll talk about the rest later,” holding up a hand and pointing when they would have argued.

Brianna and Charisma exchanged looks, then moved as one into Esmeralda’s room.  Kay waited until the door was closed before she allowed herself to slump just slightly.  Okasa walked up behind her and patted her back.

“Good job, Kay.”

Kay shrugged.  “Jury’s still out on that.  C’mon... let’s go check on Ruby.”


Chapter XCII

Charisma walked around to the side of the bed that Esmeralda was facing and knelt down beside her.  Brianna followed at a slower pace, but chose to stand behind and to one side of Charisma.  Charisma reached out a tentative hand towards Esmeralda, lightly brushing the hair away from her face.  To their mutual surprise, Esmeralda didn’t even react to the touch.  Charisma turned her head until blue eyes met green, and she took comfort in the wash of emotions she found there.

“Es?” Charisma whispered, wondering if Esmeralda had finally gone to sleep and found a measure of peace.  That thought was dismissed, however, when Esmeralda blinked open her eyes... revealing a depth of pain Charisma could hardly comprehend.  “Oh, Sweetheart,” she murmured, cupping Esmeralda’s face gently.

Esmeralda covered her hand but offered nothing else.  Brianna stepped forward and placed her hand on Esmeralda’s.  “I know there’s nothing we can do or say to make this better for you, Es.  But we’re here.”

The smile Esmeralda tendered was achingly sad, but it was far preferable to the dead expression that had resided on her countenance previously.  “That means everything,” she replied, her voice so low that they had to strain to understand her words.  When they did, it brought tears to their eyes.

“Would you like us to stay?” Charisma asked.  “At least until you go to sleep?”

“That might be a very long time,” Esmeralda answered honestly.  “I close my eyes and all I see is emptiness.  She’s not in my dreams, and she promised me forever.  She should be in my dreams.”

Esmeralda’s vehemence was astonishing and it stunned Brianna and Charisma into utter stillness.  They exchanged glances, silently debating which of them was going to tackle the minefield Esmeralda had just laid out in front of them.  Finally Charisma turned back to Esmeralda, stroking her thumb over the planed cheekbone beneath her hand.

“Why do you think that, Es?  Once we die, the soul moves on – it doesn’t have a choice.”

“Not Saphira,” Esmeralda insisted.  “She promised,” her voice hard and firm.

“Even if she promised, Es, she still has to figure out how to find you.  You need to give her a little while,” Brianna said.  “This is all new for her too, and I imagine she’s got a lot to learn before she can visit your dreams.”

“You really think so?”

“I really do.”

“I hope so, Brianna.  I miss her so much.”

“I know you do, Es.  I miss her too, and she was only my friend.”  Charisma tilted her head and motioned with her eyes, and after a moment, Brianna took the hint she was fairly certain Esmeralda hadn’t seen.  Brianna lifted the hand on Esmeralda’s and pulled Esmeralda’s hand into her own.  Charisma smiled her thanks and began to gently scratch Esmeralda’s scalp.  Involuntarily Esmeralda’s eyes closed and Brianna nodded her approval.  “Go to sleep, Es.  Maybe the reason she can’t find you is because you’re not really sleeping.”

“I s’pose,” Esmeralda mumbled, forcing her eyes to open briefly despite the low melody she could hear buzzing in the background of her hearing.  “Do you really think she’ll come, Brianna?” eyes closing again against her conscious wishes.

“I really do, Es... but you’ve got to go sleep first.  I’m not saying anything will seem better when you wake up, but at least sleep will give you a respite.”  Esmeralda didn’t answer and Brianna turned her gaze to Charisma who was still combing through Esmeralda’s hair as she hummed a soft lullaby.  “Is she sleeping?”

Charisma didn’t stop the sound of her voice or the motion of her hands, but simply nodded her head.  Her agreement notwithstanding, Charisma kept up her activities for another few minutes and Brianna remained still, holding Esmeralda’s hand lightly.  When they were both assured by her deep, measured breathing that Esmeralda had truly fallen asleep, they eased away from her and moved silently to the door.  Only once they were standing outside the bedroom did they speak.

“You’re really good at that,” Brianna commented softly.  Charisma shrugged.

“Lots of practice with Adam.  Sometimes he gets so wound up by the day he’s having that getting him to sleep can be challenging.”

Brianna’s eyebrows arched into her forehead.  “Really?  I thought he just kind of dropped off when the excitement stopped.”

“Usually he does, but some days he just can’t seem to wind down fast enough.  Those days when I’m home, I tuck him in and sing to him while I rub his back or scratch his head.”  She shrugged again.  “It’s what Mama always did for us when we were kids.  I figure if it worked on a pistol like me, it would probably do the same for my son.”  She paused.  “What about you?  You seemed to know just what to say to Es to give her some comfort... however briefly.”

Brianna shook her head.  “I don’t know. Maybe it’s the conversations I’ve had with the nieces and nephews over the years.  Or maybe it’s just the writer in me coming out.”

“Have you given any more thought to that, by the way?” Charisma pressed.  “About our nieces and nephews, I mean.”  Brianna growled.

“Charisma....”

“Brianna, please.  You don’t have to do it for me or Mama or you even.  But the kids....”

“Charisma....”  Brianna blew out an impatient breath to keep her voice from rising in anger.  Charisma remained prudently silenced by the ire that Brianna turned in her direction.  After another moment of contemplation, Brianna’s gaze softened and she resumed her quiet modulated tone.  “What about the kids, Charisma... especially Adam?  Have you thought about what any of this would mean to him?”

“In what way, Brianna?  The only difference is you’d be in his life more – he’d have another adult in his immediate family that loved him to distraction.  I’m not really sure where you think there’s a downside to that particular situation.”

“That’s not what I meant, Charisma.  Please don’t play stupid – it doesn’t suit you.”

Charisma glared at her.  “Spell it out for me, Brianna... so I’m perfectly clear.”

“Fine.  With you and Kent separated, even on a trial basis, you’ve left yourself wide open for all kinds of rumors and innuendo.  You know the things that Scott Patterson was saying when we were simply trying to be friends on the Hill – lunch together was enough to start conspiracy theories running rampant.  Now, if I was to step forward and become a more prominent part of Adam’s life, if only in a friendly capacity, what do you think would get said then, Charisma?  I’m not exactly in the closet.”

“I don’t....”

“And what of Laura Maxwell, Ri?” Brianna continued as though Charisma hadn’t even spoken.  “You know and I know that she’s heading the team that is grooming you for your run for the White House in a couple years.  She told me as much without actually committing to anything.  Are you seriously ready to give up that dream forever?  Because you’re the one who told me image is everything.”

“I’m not sure I’d have to,” Charisma said slowly though Brianna couldn’t tell if it was because she was unsure or simply thoughtful in her answer.  Brianna gave Charisma a look of complete disbelief.

“Charisma, I don’t know what has gotten into you but in case you’ve forgotten - down here on good old planet Earth?  In your world even a hint of impropriety could cost you everything you’ve worked your whole life for.  As far as your constituents and the country at large are concerned, there can’t be a hint of scandal near you or you’re out.  It doesn’t matter if it’s true or not, and you and I both know that. And I refuse to get back into the closet, Charisma... even for you.”  Brianna paused, then asked in a quieter tone, “Does Maxwell even know the truth about us?”

“Yours or mine?” Charisma replied bitingly, still stinging from Brianna’s words.  Brianna just shook her head, and stepped back and around Charisma.

“That right there pretty much says it all,” she commented.  “Please tell Kay I needed some air.  She’ll know where to find me,” and without another word Brianna left the house, ensuring she closed the door silently behind her.

Charisma sat stock still, torn between fury at Brianna’s presumption and veneration at Brianna’s consideration.  It was a long time before she moved into the living room to wait.

************

Kay and Okasa stood on the stairway listening to the harsh whispers that emanated from just outside Esmeralda’s door.  Neither of them could make out the words though both knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that Brianna and Charisma were at it again.  They traded looks, wondering what the hell had set them off this time.  When they heard the front door close softly behind Brianna’s retreating form, Okasa turned inquisitive eyes to Kay.

“Where would she go?”

Kay shrugged.  “Here?  Any number of places are possible.  She’s spent a lot of her off time exploring the sights around town.  But,” holding up a hand when Okasa’s lips parted to speak, “if she didn’t go home, she’s probably at the National Gallery.  She’s particularly fond of the representation of Diana that’s housed there.”

“Well, if she went home, I can’t get in to talk to her anyway.  But if she went to the Gallery....”

“Okasa, are you sure this is a good idea?  Maybe I should....”

“Kay, please.  I can’t reach her any other way.  She’s shut me out of her life and I’m trying to respect that... really.  But at least if we meet in a public place, she might let me say goodbye properly.”

Kay pinched her nose between her thumb and forefinger.  She wasn’t completely convinced that letting Okasa do this was a good idea, but she understood the older woman’s need for closure.  She nodded her head slowly.  “All right, Mama.  I’ll try to find her and let you know where she is.  Just....”

“I know, Kay.  Thank you.”  She squeezed Kay’s arm and bundled up, then headed out to find her wayward daughter.  Kay shook her head and picked up her phone, hoping she was doing the right thing for everyone.

************

“Where are you?” Kay asked brusquely as soon as Brianna answered her call.  Brianna had debated for several very long seconds before deciding it would be prudent to answer if only to put Kay’s mind at ease.  Now she was questioning the wisdom of that decision.  She sighed loudly.

“I told Charisma to tell you – I needed some air.”

“So you went to the Gallery?”

Brianna frowned.  “Yes, I went to the Gallery.  Kay, I know you mean well, but I just need a little time to myself at the moment.  Can I call you back in a few?”

“Let me say my piece, Bri, and then you can call me back when you’re ready.”  Kay waited, then took Brianna’s silence for the acquiescence it was.  Kay mutely gave thanks for the years of trust and understanding they had between them that allowed them to appreciate one another like they did.  She sighed and then blurted, “Okasa is on her way to you,” wincing when she felt Brianna’s gasp.  “We saw you storm out the door and she asked for a chance to say goodbye to you... get some form of closure to the snarl your relationship has become.  I told her where I suspected you would go – either home where you couldn’t be reached or the Gallery.  I called to let you know so you could make a decision.”

“I see,” Brianna replied flatly.  “Thank you, Kay.  I have to go.”  And then all Kay heard was dial tone.

“Well, I’ve done all I can do at the moment.  Maybe I should go check on the people still under this roof in need of care.”  She closed her phone and headed back towards Esmeralda’s bedroom.

************

Brianna debated for several very long minutes on the information Kay had shared with her.  Her finger was actually poised over the speed dial key for Jas when she instead locked her phone and shoved it into her pocket.  Despite her desire for a clean break from the Taghertys, it seemed she was destined to keep encountering them... at least casually.  There was no reason not to allow Okasa the chance to say goodbye if that was truly what she desired to do.  And if it wasn’t, Jas was just a phone call away.

Brianna moved to stand in front of Diana, marveling as she always did at the strength and beauty the artist had infused into the sculpture.  Even as she stared, she felt a peacefulness roll through her – her shoulders relaxed and she could feel her tension dissolving.  She only had to do this for another year and some months and then it wouldn’t matter.  And until then she had Diana when she needed a little strength.

Brianna heard the footsteps approaching her, but she didn’t take her eyes from the statue or turn to face the sound.  The steps became hesitant, but they didn’t stop until Okasa was standing by her side.  They stood together looking at the art, and Brianna found it didn’t bother her to share this private space with a woman who had been more mother to her than her own had ever been.  Just as she was ready to break the surprisingly comfortable silence, Okasa spoke.

“What do you see when you look at her?” never taking her eyes off the sculpture.

“I see strength and beauty and possibilities.”  Brianna turned her head and looked at Okasa.  “What about you?”

Okasa chuckled mirthlessly.  “I see what men wishes she was.  She has no flaws – a mere human woman could never compete.”

“Mama....”

Now Okasa turned and met Brianna’s eyes, shaking her head even as she laid a hand on Brianna’s arm.  “Don’t, Brianna... please.  I know how impossible this situation has become for you, and I don’t blame you for needing to create a place without Taghertys in it,” giving Brianna a sad smile.  “Despite what I would like to see happen....”  Okasa broke off and shook her head again, dropping her gaze to the ground.  Brianna didn’t interrupt.  “That doesn’t matter.  What does matter is that I wanted you to know that we all understand your reasons for saying goodbye.  And if circumstances ever change that allow you to come back to the family, we will always welcome you with open arms.”

“Mama....” tears pooling in Brianna’s eyes.

“Shh, Sweetheart.  I know.  Just know that we love you, all right?” squeezing the arm beneath her hand before attempting to remove it.  Okasa froze when Brianna covered her hand with her own, and she looked into green eyes again, catching her breath at the depth of sadness that was revealed to her.  It reminded her very much of Esmeralda’s and when Brianna opened her arms for a hug Okasa stepped forward with alacrity... thrilled at the opportunity being offered.

For a while they just stood together, gently rocking back and forth.  Finally, Brianna loosened her grip and took a step back.  She raised a hand to Okasa’s face, tenderly wiping away the tears that had escaped from Okasa’s eyes before swiping her own away hastily.

“I love you, Mama.  I love all of you.  I just... I can’t.”

“I know, Sweetie... we all do.”  Okasa sighed.  “I think we spoiled Charisma when she was growing up,” chuckling at Brianna’s smirk.  “Okay... so I know we spoiled Charisma when she was growing up.  Unfortunately now she thinks she’s entitled - that if she wants, she can find a way to have.”

“Not this time, Okasa.”

“I know, Brianna... not this time.  It’s well past time she was honest with herself... with you... with us.”  Okasa bit her lips momentarily, then sighed.  “However, that is neither here nor there, and really isn’t of any concern to you any longer.  Thank you.”

Brianna frowned.  “For...?” when Okasa didn’t continue.

“In part for not running away when you knew I was coming to find you because I am fairly confident that Kay called you the minute I left the house.  But mostly thank you for allowing us to be your family... to be in your life for the last quarter-century.  You’re an amazing woman, Brianna Walker, and I’m proud to say that I know you... and that I knew you when.”

Brianna leaned forward and brushed her lips across Okasa’s cheek and Okasa did the same in return.  Then without another word, Okasa spun on her heel and walked away... never looking back.  Brianna watched her go until even the clack of Okasa’s shoes could no longer be heard ringing over the marble floor.  Then she headed out the opposite door without so much as a glance in Diana’s direction.

************

Kay found Charisma staring sightlessly out the window when she entered the living room some time later.  Ruby was still sleeping peacefully, but Esmeralda had her a little concerned.  And though loath to disturb whatever thought process Charisma seemed to be focused on, Kay needed to ask her a few questions.  So she stepped closer to Charisma, only to find herself pinned by lost blue eyes before she was within touching distance.

“Something I can do for you, Doc?” her exhaustion clear in her tone.

“I wanted to ask you about Esmeralda,” Kay replied after a long hesitation.  Though that had been her original intent, she now wondered what had happened to make Charisma’s defeat so apparent.  However, she could only tackle one issue at a time, and Esmeralda had to be the priority.  Once she was taken care of though....

Charisma’s eyes sharpened.  “What about her?”

“Did she go to sleep when you were with her?”

“Yes... why?”

“Because I think she has gone beyond sleep now, and I’m concerned.”

“You checked on her?”

“Just now.  And if I didn’t know better, I’d swear she was in a coma.”

Charisma sucked in a breath and grabbed Kay’s hand, pulling her unceremoniously towards Esmeralda’s room.  “Come on.  It’s up to us to do something.  I don’t know what before you ask, but we’ve got to try.”

“All right,” Kay agreed.  “Lead the way.”


Chapter XCIII

Esmeralda let the sound of Charisma’s voice and the feel of fingers combing through her hair ease her into a place she couldn’t seem to find on her own anymore.  She never realized when she fell asleep, and she had no way of knowing how much time had passed before she slipped into a deeper rest – one that would allow Saphira to find her if she was able to look.

She felt the warmth on her face first and she smiled at the memories it recalled to the forefront of her mind.  Esmeralda blinked her eyes and looked around carefully; things seemed so familiar and yet she was willing to bet she had never actually been to wherever HERE was.  It reminded her a little bit of home before they’d been expelled.  Not their home necessarily, but just HOME.

It was bright and clean and airy – noticeably so.  There was no smell of gasoline; no tang of pollution; no stench of burning or mildew or garbage.  There was only clean, and it made Esmeralda take a deep breath.  She sighed in appreciation and took another look around, noting the green of the leaves on the trees and the scent of the flowers that covered the meadow she was currently ensconced in.  She looked up and saw the blue of the sky and the puffiness of the white clouds that moved slowly across its surface, propelled by a gentle wind.

This wasn’t home, however... at least not as far as she could tell.  There were no other living beings from what she had observed – no animals; no Angels of any order; no Father.  So where was HERE?  And why was she here instead of home... or at least in the home she and Saphira had shared during their time as mortals on the human plane?  Because she knew that was where she’d been – she distinctly remembered their life together there... her assignment.  She even recalled Charisma and Brianna putting her to bed before she came... well, wherever here was.  She wondered if she should be more concerned about where here was and how she’d found this place, and then decided to enjoy the respite for what it was.  All too soon Esmeralda knew she’d have to return to the reality that was now hers with Saphira dead and her left alone to finish a mission she no longer believed had any chance of succeeding.

Right here, right now, she could be the Esmeralda she had once been.  She could be home again; an angel fully restored to her birthright and position waiting for Saphira to return from whatever errand she’d been sent on.  She rolled from her side to her back, wincing a little at the brightness that momentarily blinded her but smiling again at the warmth that she could feel soaking into her bones. She felt like she hadn’t been warm in so long.

Esmeralda spent some time simply watching the clouds, finding pictures and stories in the shapes that floated above her.  It had been something she’d spent an endless amount of time doing in her other life when she was waiting for Saphira to return to her, and she enjoyed the opportunity to indulge herself again even if it was only some sort of make-believe.  Eventually however, the warmth made her drowsy and she closed her eyes and turned to lie on her side.  And when her reality shifted again it was even better than the one she’d been in previously.

She felt Saphira surround her in the most literal sense of the word.  She felt the warmth of her body; the weight of her wings; the strength of her embrace.  Esmeralda kept her eyes carefully closed, unwilling to lose this feeling again as she had when Amber had tried to offer her a semblance of comfort before.  Esmeralda relished the sensations; unlike before, everything just felt right about this.  Then she inhaled deeply and froze.

The spicy scent that Esmeralda had always associated with Saphira filled her nostrils and she bit her bottom lip to keep from crying out... though whether it was in pain and frustration or relief and gratitude she couldn’t have rightly said.  She didn’t move; she didn’t cry out.  Instead Esmeralda squeezed her eyes shut tighter and simply concentrated on breathing.  But she couldn’t stop the shudders that traveled through her body and she felt the arms around her tighten in an effort to help stabilize her reaction.

After several long moments, Esmeralda felt the tremors slow and the warmth begin to radiate around her. It was only then that she heard the slow, steady pulse of a heartbeat and she couldn’t stop the gasp that escaped her lips.  And when the whisper of breath caressed her ears, Esmeralda couldn’t stop the tears that slid down her face.

“Open your eyes for me, Es,” Saphira commanded in a low tone.  Esmeralda shook her head.  “C’mon, Baby... open those beautiful green eyes for me.  I need to see them.”

“No,” she whispered.  “If I open my eyes, the dream stops.  And I don’t want that to happen; I need this to be real.”

“It is, Sweetheart.  Trust me – open your eyes.”

Again Esmeralda shook her head, biting her lip until she felt soft, warm fingers gently trace it.  Then she couldn’t halt her response.  Esmeralda released her lip from her teeth, sighing when Saphira continued her ministrations.  Slowly, much slower than she would have allowed herself to believe possible, Esmeralda’s eyes fluttered open.

At first there was nothing to see – she was still in the meadow with the flowers around her and the blue, cloud-studded sky above her.  But she was turned on her side and behind her....  Behind her she could still feel Saphira’s body tightly hugging her own.  She could feel the calloused fingers tenderly tracing her swollen lip.  But more convincing than either of those two sensations was the scent that surrounded her – one that she had only ever known to belong to Saphira.

Esmeralda took a deep breath.  “Saphira?”

“Hello, Love.”

Esmeralda’s eyes slammed shut again, not quite willing to believe her ears.  Saphira sighed and gently lifted her body away from Esmeralda’s just enough to roll Esmeralda onto her back.  Saphira tucked her body into Esmeralda’s letting one wing cover Esmeralda’s body even as she started brushing light kisses up Esmeralda’s neck.  Only when Esmeralda’s hands came up to her shoulders and pushed her away did Saphira cease her attentions and frown.  This certainly wasn’t the reunion she had pictured for them.

With her eyes still squeezed shut, Esmeralda took a shuddering breath.  Saphira remained still, realizing her hasty actions had thrown Esmeralda’s mind and body into something of a quandary.  So she stayed quiet, allowing Esmeralda a chance to acclimate herself to the reality of this time and place.

“Saphira?” came the whispered word at long last.

“Yes, Beloved?”

“Is it really you?” the sound tearing at Saphira’s heart.

“Yes, Beloved.  Open your eyes for me.  I promise... it’ll be all right.”

Esmeralda took one deep breath and then another, trying to get her thundering heartbeat under control.  Saphira recognized the tactic and placed a hand over Esmeralda’s heart.  That touch made the tears well behind her eyelids and Esmeralda blinked rapidly to keep them from falling.  When her vision finally cleared, the first thing she saw were deep blue eyes filled with love gazing back at her.

Immediately she tucked her head into Saphira’s neck and held on tightly.  Saphira wrapped Esmeralda in her embrace, and for an endless time there was nothing but them.  After a while Esmeralda looked up from the safest place she’d ever known and smiled into the blue eyes regarding her with honest, pure affection.  “How...?  Where...?  Saphira...?”

Saphira’s eyes never lost the love that shone from them, but with Esmeralda’s words they became tinged with sadness.  “I’m sorry, Love.  I never expected... never thought....”  She sighed and folded her wings back into her body before rolling over onto her back and bringing Esmeralda to lie on top of her.

“Saphira?”

Saphira sighed once more, deciding to try a different track.  There were so many things she couldn’t share with Esmeralda yet, but she couldn’t bear the agony so plainly written on Esmeralda visage.  “I’m not sure where HERE is either.  It reminds me of our meadow back home and yet it’s different.”

“How did you find me if you don’t know where here is?”

Saphira shrugged.  “He allowed it.  There is still work for you to do, Sweetheart.  You can’t mourn yourself to death.”

Esmeralda stiffened in Saphira’s arms, and it was only an eternity of knowledge that permitted Saphira to keep her there when Esmeralda would have bolted.  “What did you say?” Esmeralda growled, the flames in her eyes searing.

“You can’t mourn yourself to death, Love.  There’s still work to do,” knowing reflexively it was the wrong tack to take, but not sure what to say to make Esmeralda understand the importance of things without saying too much.

“I don’t care,” Esmeralda stated firmly.  “He took you from me.  There is nothing left.”

Saphira sighed.  She didn’t understand why He’d placed the restrictions on her He had, but there was nothing to be done for it at this point in time.  Things had to play out to their logical conclusion.  She tenderly cupped Esmeralda’s face in her hands, stroking the fine cheekbones with her thumbs and watching Esmeralda’s eyelashes flutter beneath her touch.

“Es... I want you to listen to me.  I know this is hard for you – I KNOW, all right?  It’s killing me too... here,” placing a hand over her heart.  “And here,” touching her temple.  “But I also know... KNOW, Es, beyond a shadow of a doubt that when this is over we’ll be together again.  But you have to finish the job first, Love – you can’t leave Charisma and Brianna hanging like this. They deserve better.”

“Give me your sword then – I’ll go knock some sense into them.”

Saphira laughed and Esmeralda’s eyes welled with tears again at the sound.  “Oh Es – if that would work, you’d be out of a job.  And frankly I’d never get done with mine.”  Saphira squeezed Esmeralda tight when she felt her light chuckle turn to harsh sobs.

“I can’t do this, Saphira.  I can’t do this alone... not without you.  Not knowing you’re....”  She growled and pushed up and away from Saphira.  “How could you do this to me??  How could you just up and die and leave me here to do this by myself??”

Saphira rose to stand behind Esmeralda, close enough to touch, but not quite doing so.  “It wasn’t my choice to die, Love.  I’d never have chosen to leave you like that.  I’d never chosen to leave you at all.”  She paused briefly.  “Es, you’re not by yourself – not on Earth and not in your heart.  I’ll always be there.  And when you really, really need me, I’ll be here too.  We can’t stay here,” cutting Esmeralda off before she could voice that as her chosen option, “but we can spend a little time here together when you need to until your work is done.”

“And when this assignment is finished?” knowing that He would determine her need.

“We’ll see what happens when the time comes, Es.  But I will always be with you… never doubt that.”

Esmeralda stood stock still for a very long time, able to feel Saphira’s warmth behind her as a tangible thing though they weren’t sharing any physical contact.  “I don’t think I can do this, Phira.  I don’t think I can go on without you.”

“You won’t be, Es.  Think of me as your Guardian Angel.  You won’t see me; you won’t always feel my presence.  But I will be right beside you until the job’s done.  And when you really, really need me, I’ll be right here,” she reiterated, needing for Esmeralda to understand and accept what she was saying.

“Saphira, I’ve never not needed you.  I tried not to need you when you were simply banished, and it nearly killed me not to have you there.  How is you actually being dead going to make this easier to bear?  It just means there’s no way for you to come home to me ever again.”

Saphira swore she could hear her heart breaking.  She hadn’t realized what a crisis of faith this was going to be for Esmeralda.  She took a deep breath and slowly reached forward, allowing Esmeralda the opportunity to pull away.  Saphira was gratified when Esmeralda purely melted into her. 

They stood together like that for a while, absorbing the love and comfort they gave to each other.  “Es, I want you to listen to me, all right?” waiting for the head tucked under her chin to nod.  “Good, now – I don’t know what His plan is exactly,” smiling when she felt Esmeralda snort against her chest.  “I know, but it had to be said because in my line of work I usually have some idea of what’s going on and how things are supposed to play out, right?  Right,” Saphira answered herself immediately.  “But, I do know that I get to keep an eye on things and on you.  I really am going to be your Guardian Angel until this mission is over with.  But Es... you can’t quit, okay?  You can’t just give up.”

“Saphira....”

“Es, you’re not alone.  You still have Ruby and all the girls helping you out on the earthly plane and I’ll be on call.  You should know that this case has drawn quite a bit of attention elsewhere as well.”

Esmeralda pulled back far enough that she could look Saphira in the eye.  “How do you know that?”

Saphira shrugged.  “I’ve talked to a few people.”

Esmeralda growled. “I wish I knew what this whole thing was really all about.  There has to be more to what’s going on than what I’ve been told.  Because I’ve never been handed a case like this in all my years as a clean-up angel.”

Saphira tilted her head.  “What makes this one different?”

“Everything!” came the gruff exclamation.  “Nothing has been done like it should have.  And you dying....”  Esmeralda’s voice trailed off.  “How did that happen, Phira?  You were an Angel of Vengeance – how did you die??  Why did you leave me??” her voice growing louder and more frustrated.

Saphira’s lips covered Esmeralda’s for a long time and Esmeralda clung to the strong body that held her.  When Saphira felt Esmeralda relax against her, she gently eased the intensity of the kiss until they slowly separated without losing contact with one another.

“Es….”

“I’m sorry, Love.  I know you didn’t choose this.  I just... I don’t understand it; I don’t think I understand anything anymore.”

“Maybe it’s not about understanding, Sweetheart – maybe it’s all about faith.”

Esmeralda stood so still then that Saphira scrambled for the words to say to make Esmeralda breathe again.  Before she could come up with anything suitable, however, Esmeralda sucked air in on a gasp and shook her head.  “Do you really think it’s that simple?”

Saphira shrugged.  “I think it can be if we let it.”

“And we’ll be together again when this is all over?”

“Once He determines things with Charisma and Brianna have reached their conclusion... whatever that may be at this point... yes.  We will be together again.”

Esmeralda sighed.  “I’m not going to remember any of this when I return to the earthly plane, am I?”

“Not here, I’m afraid,” touching Esmeralda’s forehead with her own.  “But here?” covering the strong heartbeat with her hand.  “I think you’ll have a measure of peace in your heart even if you don’t know exactly why.”

“I don’t suppose you have any idea how much longer this is going to take do you?” frowning when Saphira shook her head.  “Or what the outcome will be?”  This time Saphira chuckled, and Esmeralda growled even though Saphira could see a slight twinkle in her eye.  “It’s not funny.”

“No, it isn’t,” Saphira agreed. “Not even He knows what the outcome will be at this point.  Apparently He didn’t think that whole ‘free will’ thing through all the way before He gave it to humanity.”

“Do you know how long we have here together before you have to go?”

“Until you understand.  He’ll let me know when it’s time.” 

Before Saphira knew what was happening or could formulate a protest, she found Esmeralda in her arms taking them to the ground.  Bemused blue met ferocious green as Esmeralda leaned down into Saphira’s body.

“I understand enough.  I understand that you’re here and I’m here and everything else will wait for just a little while.”  Then she captured Saphira’s lips and there was no more talking.

************

Charisma and Kay stood just inside the door listening to Esmeralda’s slow, shallow breathing.  They exchanged glances and Kay cocked an eyebrow.  Charisma shrugged.

“Her breathing is a lot more shallow and a lot slower than it was when Brianna and I were in here a little while ago.  If I didn’t know better, I’d say she was dying.  But I’m not a medical expert – what do you think, Doc?”

“I’d guess you were right.  I told Okasa something like this was likely, but I didn’t expect it to happen so soon.  It thought she’d at least make it through the funeral... maybe even for some time after that.  But this....”

“Wait – what do you mean you told Okasa?  What exactly did you say to my mother?”

“Do you remember Esmeralda telling us about her and Saphira being mates?” waiting for Charisma to nod impatiently.  “Right – well, as far as Esmeralda is concerned she hasn’t simply lost a spouse; her soul is broken.  A large part of what kept her going every day is no longer there.  So she has very little reason to live; if the will is not there, it will only be a matter of time before the body realizes that the soul is gone and follows it.”

“You’re saying she’ll choose to die?  She’ll will it?”

“I’m saying I have never seen a bond like that before.  I’m not sure she can survive it broken.”

“Is there anything we can do?”

Kay shrugged.  “I don’t know.  Try talking to her.  We know the unconscious can hear the world around them.  Maybe knowing people love and care about her will give her a reason to endure for a while.”

Charisma nodded but bit her lip.  “I wonder if that is fair to her,” smiling sadly when she saw the confusion cross Kay’s face.  “Is it fair to ask her to survive and exist, knowing that she won’t really be living?”

“I don’t know, but either way it’ll be good for her to know that she has friends and family around who love and care about her enough to let her decide what she needs to do.”

“All right,” Charisma agreed.  “I’ll do what I can.  If Mama comes back, will you send her in?”

“Absolutely,” Kay agreed, then stepped from the room, giving Charisma a bit of privacy to speak to Esmeralda alone.


Chapter XCIV

“... days, Es.  It took days before his skin wasn’t tinted black and blue.  The only saving grace was that he wasn’t enrolled in daycare or school at that point as I probably would have had a hard time convincing anyone I wasn’t some sort of ritualistic cultist or something.  I think the only reason Ame didn’t question things was because she saw the state of the study after it happened.”  Charisma bit her lip in thought.  “I think I still have pictures.”

Charisma gently pushed the hair off of Esmeralda’s face, then she caressed Esmeralda’s cheek before surreptitiously checking her neck for a pulse.  Esmeralda’s breathing had become so slow and shallow that Charisma was reassured by the steady heartbeat under her fingertips.  Still there was no other palpable response to her words or her touch and Charisma sighed and resumed speaking.

“Of course, the fact that the child smelled like ink.... Let me just say that I’ll take the smell of his first birthday party over that smell any day.  I haven’t told you that one, have I?” waiting for a reaction that wasn’t happening.  She sighed again.  “You never got to meet my Grammy – she died just after Adam’s first birthday.  But she was the one to introduce each of her great-grandchildren to the wonders of chocolate icing.”  Charisma chuckled.  “I have video of that; I’ll have to show you.”

The sound of her voice was soft, and even though Kay couldn’t understand the words being spoken she appreciated the soothing cadence Charisma had adopted.  She motioned Okasa inside, then jerked her head towards the kitchen.  “I’ll be just outside the door if either of you needs me for anything.”

Okasa placed a hand on her arm and Kay hesitated, leaning down so she could hear her words without disturbing the one-sided conversation Charisma was carrying on with Esmeralda.  “Did Brianna return?” feeling the slight shake Kay gave.  “Have you spoken to her?”

“Not since I let her know you were headed her way,” Kay said with a hint of apology.  Okasa’s smile offered clemency and Kay released a breath in relief.  She didn’t want to lose the Taghertys from her life, but Brianna would always come first if she was forced to choose.

“I’m glad you did, Kay – she deserved the warning and knowing that she chose to wait for me....  I can’t tell you the hope that gives me that all this may still work out.”

“Okasa....”

“I know I shouldn’t get my hopes up, but is it wrong for me to want my family to be whole again... to be happy?”

“Wrong?” Kay asked shaking her head.  “No.  Likely?”  She sighed again.  “Probably not.  However,” she continued before Okasa could protest, “your daughter is waiting for you.”

Okasa looked at the tableau taking place on the bed, then turned back to Kay.  “Do you think this is helping?”

“I think it can’t hurt.  Esmeralda needs to know that there are people around her that love and care about her.  It may make things easier for her until....”

“You still think this is going to kill her?”

“I have no reason to think otherwise at the moment, but I’d dearly love to be proven wrong.”

“All right,” Okasa replied.  “Let me see if I can do anything to help keep her with us.”  Okasa patted the arm under her hand, then made her way to sit opposite Charisma on the bed.  Kay watched them for another long moment before turning and making her way back to the kitchen.

************

“BR’ANNA!!” The yell across the Mall made a number of heads turn, but only one was important as far as Adam Rockwell was concerned.  He pulled loose from both his father and his Papa and hurtled in Brianna’s direction.  Fortunately Kent had seen Brianna exit the Gallery at almost the exact time his son did so Adam only ran two steps before Kent had scooped him up in his arms.  “PA!!” Adam screeched in frustration.  He pointed at Brianna.  “GO!!”

Kent looked around, noting that the few who were paying attention were chuckling at Adam’s enthusiasm and insistence.  He turned towards Brianna who had stuffed her hands into her pockets but stood waiting patiently for him to decide how he wanted to handle this encounter.  Patrick as well simply stood back and waited for things to unfold.  Kent turned his attention to Adam.

“Son, you can’t just run off like that.”

“But Br’anna....”

“Brianna hasn’t moved, Adam.  But that’s not the point.  You CANNOT keep running off like that – I don’t care who you see.  You could get hurt very badly, and that would make us all... Mama, me, even Brianna... very sad.  We don’t want anything bad to happen to you, all right?”  He paused when Adam’s lower lip quivered.  “You’re not in trouble for wanting to see Brianna, but you can’t keep running away from Mama and me like that anymore either.  Do you understand?”  Adam tucked his head beneath Kent’s chin and nodded solemnly.  “Okay.  Should we go see Brianna now?  I think she’s waiting for us.”

Adam’s head popped back up so quickly he nearly clocked his father in the chin.  As it was, only Kent’s swift reflexes kept him from a sore jaw or worse.  But it was hard to fault Adam’s smile or his eagerness when he nodded his agreement rapidly.  Kent laughed and headed them towards where Brianna Walker still stood watching them.  Patrick followed along docilely behind them.

“BR’ANNA!!” Adam squealed once more as they approached, leaning out of his father’s embrace as he reached for Brianna.  Automatically she opened her arms and accepted Adam, letting him wrap around her in a firm body hug.  It only lasted a moment before he pushed back enough to put his hands on her cheeks and rub her nose with his.  Then he giggled.  “Love Br’anna.  Br’anna good.”

“I love you too, Little Man.  Are you out seeing the dinosaurs today?”

“Actually, we’ve only made it as far as the Mall,” Kent replied with a smile, causing Brianna’s attention to turn to him.  “Hello, Brianna.”

“Kent... Paddy,” nodding at each of them slightly.

“So what brings you out here?” Patrick asked bluntly.  “Aren’t you supposed to be working?”

“Not today, Papa – not after what happened last night.”

“So why aren’t you there instead of here?” not unkindly.

“I was.  It just got a little crowded and I needed some air.”

Kent frowned.  “How is she?  Esmeralda, I mean.”

“About like you’d expect, I imagine,” Brianna said quietly.  “I’ve never seen anyone as devastated by something like this.  It’s hard to explain. I’ve seen people suffering with the loss of a loved one.  I remember when my grandmother died... my papa was completely distraught by her death.  But it didn’t destroy him.  He managed to live for a number of years after she was gone, and if he wasn’t as fulfilled as he had been when she was still with him, he was able to find a measure of peace and happiness in his life again.”

“You don’t think Es will be able to do that?”

Brianna shook her head slowly.  “No.  It’s hard to explain unless you know them... unless you see it for yourself.  But something happened to her last night.  It was more than heartbreak; it was as if something in her simply died with Saphira and I don’t know if she can live without it.”

Adam squirmed and Brianna turned her attention back to him even as Kent spoke.  “Do you think it’s still crowded at Esmeralda’s?” he asked cautiously.

Brianna furrowed her brow at his words even as she kissed Adam’s fingers when they tickled her lips.  She felt certain Charisma was still there, which made it more than crowded in her mind.  This wasn’t about her, however, and she wasn’t going to allow herself to be selfish any longer.  Esmeralda had been a friend to her from the moment they’d met, and she’d do her best to stand beside Esmeralda for as long as she’d allow it.

“I think I’ve had enough air if you boys would like to come back to Esmeralda’s and sit Shiva with us.”

Kent and Patrick exchanged glances, then turned to Brianna.  “We’d like that very much.”  Together they walked to the Metro and headed for Esmeralda’s.

************

Kay made her way upstairs, idly noting the number of closed doors before she reached the one Okasa had assured her was Ruby’s room.  She knocked lightly, not surprised to hear a tired voice beckon her inside.  Kay crossed the room and took the proffered seat on the bed.

“Have you gotten any sleep?”

Ruby shook her head.  “I can’t.  Every time I close my eyes I see Es lying on that pallet next to Saphira.  It just breaks my heart.”

Kay bit her lip before she spoke.  “Listen, I don’t normally do this, but would you like a prescription for something?  I’m only offering because you seem to be Esmeralda’s main support right now, and it’s not going to do anyone any good if you run yourself into the ground with exhaustion.”

Ruby patted Kay’s hands and shook her head.  “You’re sweet, really, and if it continues we may revisit this.  But right now I just can’t.”

Kay nodded.  “I understand.  Just know the offer’s there if you need it.”

“I appreciate it.”  Ruby closed her eyes and swallowed hard before taking a deep breath and refocusing her stare on Kay.  “How’s she doing?”

“Not good,” Kay responded honestly.  “She seems to have withdrawn inside herself, and I don’t know if there’s anything we can do to keep her from staying there.  Charisma and Okasa are with her at the moment, but I don’t know that they’re making much headway.  I’m sure wherever Esmeralda’s head is at right now, it’s probably a much more pleasant prospect than what her reality here is.  I just wish there was something....”  Kay stopped talking when Ruby patted her arm.

“Kay, you’re doing as much as anyone could and more than most would even bother with.  I mean, it’s not like you really know either of them well, do you?” smiling when Kay shook her head.  “Most folks wouldn’t make this kind of effort for practical strangers.”

“Glad I’m not most people then,” Kay muttered.  Ruby chuckled.

“So am I,” then she tilted her head in a listening pose.  “Is someone knocking on the door?”

Kay stilled and focused her attention on listening outward.  After a moment, she blinked and looked at Ruby.  “I don’t know how you heard that, but let me go take care of it.  You try to get a little more rest, okay?  I’ll let you know if anything changes.”

Ruby held Kay’s gaze for a long moment, then nodded tiredly before closing her eyes in exhaustion.  In another minute she was dozing and Kay headed downstairs to see what was going on.  Somehow she wasn’t at all surprised to discover Brianna had returned, but she was more than a little stupefied to see that she’d brought Patrick, Kent and Adam with her.

As the de facto hostess Kay took it upon herself to let them know what was going on.  “Charisma and Okasa are with Esmeralda,” she commented for Patrick and Kent’s benefit.  “And Ruby is still upstairs resting,” she added for Brianna.

“Has there been any change?” Brianna asked as she removed her coat.  She took a squirming Adam from Kent to allow him to do the same as they waited for Kay’s reply.

“Not for the better, no.  Esmeralda seems to have slipped into... well, if it’s not a coma, it’s something of an unconscious fugue state.  She doesn’t appear to be aware of anything around her.  Charisma has been talking to her hoping to reach her, but the last I checked she hadn’t made a lot of progress on that front.”

“Mama?” Adam asked, looking around even as Brianna struggled to remove his jacket.  “Br’anna, where’s Mama?”

Brianna took the chair she’d spotted next to the phone table, easing Adam into a place on her lap as she slipped his arms from the jacket sleeve.  “Mama is in with Es, Little Man.  Something bad happened and Es is really sad right now.  Mama and Gramma are trying to help her feel better... make some of the hurt go away.”

“Adam help too,” he declared fiercely.

“I don’t know if you can, Little Man, but I’ll tell you what – you promise me you’ll be gentle and loving with Es and we’ll go check on her, okay?  You can hug her neck real tight and tell her you love her.”

Adam grinned.  “Love Es.  Es good.”  He cocked his head at Brianna.  “Where’s Phira?”

Tears welled in Brianna’s green eyes, but she didn’t allow them to spill down her face.  “Saphira had to go see God, Adam.  It’s why Es’ heart hurts so much.  God needs to keep Saphira with him now.”

“Phira’s an angel?” he asked, brows furrowed as he tried to understand the complexities of death.  Brianna just nodded.

“Yeah, Son – Saphira’s an angel now.”

“Good,” he declared emphatically.  “Phira ‘tect Es.”

Brianna seemed as startled as the rest of the adults in the room at his insistence, but she didn’t have the heart to crush that idealism.  Instead, she gave Adam a weak smile.  “Yeah... Saphira can protect Es now.  She’ll be watching over her and all of us like a Guardian Angel.”

“Good,” Adam stated once more.  “Love Phira.”

“Well, let’s go see if we can help Es feel better, okay?”  She turned to Kent.  “We shouldn’t be too long if you want to wait in the living room.  Kay can show you.  I just don’t think there’s room for all of us in the bedroom.”

“It’s fine,” Kent assured her.  “Go on,” dipping his head towards Adam who was showing signs of restlessness.  Brianna just nodded and walked away.  Kay waited until she and Adam entered the bedroom, then gestured towards the living room.  Kent and Patrick took the silent hint and together they turned towards the living room to wait together.

************

“Br’anna?” Adam whispered harshly, causing Charisma and Okasa to look towards the door simultaneously.  “Why’s it dark in here?  Where’s Es?”

Okasa’s hand on Charisma’s kept them both in place while they waited for her answer as Brianna shut the door silently behind her.

“You remember I told you how Es’ heart hurt because she missed Saphira so much?” feeling him nod against her.  “Well, the dark makes Es feel closer to Saphira right now.  But we’re going to try and help her back to us, okay?”  Adam nodded again.

During her explanation both Okasa and Charisma had silently risen from the bed, each stepping back until they were shrouded in shadows.  Okasa motioned to Charisma that she was going to go check on Ruby and that Charisma should remain.  Charisma nodded absently; she had no desire to leave.  Aside from her concern for Esmeralda, she was curious to see what Brianna had in mind for Adam.

“Br’anna?” putting his face right next to hers when Brianna turned in his direction.  “Hug Es?”  Brianna bit her lip, then sat down slowly next to Esmeralda’s still body.  She kept a firm arm around Adam even when he squirmed and after a moment, he understood her unspoken directive and settled on her lap.  He studied her pensive expression carefully.  “Br’anna?”

“Adam, you can hug Es, but remember what I told you, okay?  Be very gentle because Es hurts a lot right now.”

“’Kay,” he agreed solemnly.  Brianna set him next to Esmeralda, keeping a light hand on Adam’s leg.  For his part Adam didn’t notice – he was too intent on being cautious as he snuggled into Esmeralda’s body.  He put his head on Esmeralda’s shoulder and wrapped a thin arm over her waist.  “Love Es,” he murmured, not even noticing Esmeralda’s visceral reaction as she tenderly returned his embrace.  But Brianna saw as did Charisma.  Both heaved a small sigh of relief but kept their attention on the scene playing out in front of them.  They had no way of knowing the difference Adam was making for Esmeralda.

************

On another plane Esmeralda was curled up naked into Saphira’s equally naked body.  Both of them were covered by one of Saphira’s massive wings, content to simply breathe in one another’s essence.  Finally though, Saphira sighed.  “I need to go, Love, and so do you.”

“I don’t want....”

“I don’t either, Es, but we don’t have a choice in this now.  We have to....”

“I don’t have to do anything, Saphira.  I have absolutely no compunction about staying here until we are together again for real,” anger in her tone.

“No, Es... if you stay here, I won’t be allowed to come back.  And we don’t have any assurance that we’ll be together if you choose this.  Wait,” Saphira added, holding up a hand before Esmeralda could make a retort.  “Sweetheart, I love you with all that I am and everything I have.  And given the choice I’d have never picked this for us.  But it’s only for a little while... and then we’ll be together again, I promise.  And nothing will separate us again.”

“You can’t know that, Phira.”

“Es, if you can’t trust in us, what’s left? Hmm?”  Saphira waited, knowing that Esmeralda wasn’t fighting because she didn’t believe in them; instead she was resisting the separation she knew was necessary between them.  “Besides, you’ve got people worried about you out there.  Don’t you think you need to reassure them?  The adults probably understand a little of how you feel, but I doubt Adam does.  And he’s waiting for you.”

Esmeralda glared.  “You fight dirty.”

Saphira chuckled.  “You’ve known that for an eternity.  Are you just now figuring out what that means?”  Esmeralda slapped at her only to have Saphira catch her hand and bring it to her lips.  “Es, it’s not forever.”

“Do you swear?”

“Angel’s honor,” Saphira offered.  “And until then I’ll be right beside you even when you can’t feel me there. I’ll be watching over you.”

“I love you, Phira.”

“I love you too, Es... always.”


Chapter XCV

The change was so slow it wasn’t even noticeable at first.  But Charisma and Brianna were both looking for it so when Esmeralda’s breathing started to deepen, they noticed.  For several minutes they kept wary eyes on her, only relaxing when her breathing settled into the steady cadence of sleep.  They watched for a few more minutes; then when they were satisfied that both Esmeralda and Adam were sleeping comfortably, they moved to stand next to the bedroom door together.

“Did you know...?” Charisma whispered, her breath teasing the shell of Brianna’s ear when she spoke.  “Did you know Adam would make a difference for her?”

Brianna pulled back slightly before she could shiver in reaction to Charisma’s proximity, then shook her head.  “No.  How could I have known something like that?  That was pure, dumb luck or the grace of God or Fate intervening.  Take your pick.”

“Then where...?” motioning towards Adam.

Brianna sighed.  “I ran into him and Kent and Paddy while I was out.  They wanted to come back here and Adam wanted to make Es feel better.”

“I’d feel a lot better if the two of you just kissed and made up already,” Esmeralda mumbled from the bed, not awake enough to realize she could be clearly heard in the otherwise complete stillness of the room.   Her words had an effect, however - causing Brianna and Charisma to flush and back away from one another as they jerked their attention to the bed.  “Right now,” Esmeralda continued in a slightly louder voice in an attempt to ensure they heard her without disturbing Adam, “I’d settle for a little peace and quiet before you wake up Saphira’s little buddy.”

Charisma and Brianna studiously avoided looking at each other as they moved back to their places on opposite sides of the bed.  Brianna took a tentative seat on her side, combing back Adam’s unruly hair before covering the hand Esmeralda was cradling him with.

“He’s fine, Es... sleeping soundly.  How are you... seriously?  You had us all worried.”

“I’m not good, Brianna, but I can almost feel Saphira watching over me now.  It... it comforts me in a strange way as much as it hurts to know she’s gone from me.”

“Adam said she would,” Brianna offered, getting looks from both Esmeralda and Charisma.  She shook her head.  “I don’t know where it came from, really.  Sunday School, maybe?”  She shrugged.  “I told him that God needed Saphira and he asked me if she was an angel now.  When I told him she was, he said she’d protect you.”  Brianna bit her lip.  “It was all a little bizarre....”

“Out of the mouths of babes,” Charisma said softly.  She looked at both Esmeralda and Brianna before turning the focus of her awareness to her son.  She moved closer to the bed, taking a seat when Esmeralda patted the narrow patch of bed that was still unclaimed.  Charisma seated herself gingerly, glancing at both Brianna and Esmeralda again before running her fingers through Adam’s thick hair.  “Sometimes I think they’re aware of things we’ve forgotten about - can see things we can’t because we gave up believing in them.”

“Well either way, I hope Saphira is looking out for you Es,” Brianna said.  “I know it doesn’t make much difference in how you feel about her being gone, but it gives me a measure of peace to know she’s watching over you.  And who knows... maybe she’ll be keeping an eye on the rest of us as well.  I’d kinda like that... knowing she had my back.”

Esmeralda didn’t comment, but her watery smile spoke volumes.  Brianna just squeezed the hand she held, gratified when Esmeralda returned it... however lightly.

Charisma placed her hand over Esmeralda’s other hand – the one that had covered Adam’s hand on her stomach – and waited for Esmeralda’s eyes to track to her.  Impulsively she leaned forward and brushed a kiss over Esmeralda’s forehead, then pulled back enough to see into green eyes.

“Es, Mama and I would be honored to host a wake for Saphira after the service if you think you’d be up for something like that.  It would give people a chance to let you know how much Saphira meant to them and how much you still do.”  She paused when there was no reaction, then plowed on, determined to finish her offer to Esmeralda.  “You don’t have to, of course, but we’d really like to.”

Esmeralda’s brow furrowed.  “Why?”

The question caused Charisma’s brows to shoot into her hairline as she scrambled for a good answer to share with Esmeralda.  Finally she settled for simply telling the truth.  “Saphira touched a lot of lives, Es – and so have you.  There’s nothing we can do to make this better... nothing we can do to make it go away.  But at least this might give you some peace when you see just how many people really do care... about you and Saphira.  And it might offer some closure as well.”

“I don’t want closure, Charisma.  I want Saphira back with me.”

“Oh Es... if I could give that to you, I would in a heartbeat.”  Charisma turned to meet Brianna’s eyes, grateful for her immediate agreement.  “Any of us would if it was in our power to do so.  But Es....”

“I know,” Esmeralda whispered.  “Thank you both,” squeezing the hands covering hers, “but please... I just need to be alone right now.”

“I don’t think that’s true,” Brianna countered, “but I think you want to be, and I don’t blame you for that.  Is there anything else we can do for you?” rising from the bed without releasing her hold on Esmeralda’s hand.

“Should we take Adam?” Charisma cut in.

“Adam is fine for now,” Esmeralda uttered faintly.  Charisma nodded and stood.

“All right, Es.  We’ll go, but we’ll be just outside the room if you need us for anything.  Just remember you’ve got a lot of people who love you, okay?”

Esmeralda nodded and closed her eyes.  Charisma and Brianna stared for a moment longer, then by mutual, unspoken consent they walked silently to the door.  Only when it was closed behind them did either of them release a sigh.  Then they turned to each other as a feeling of awkwardness fell over them for the things Esmeralda had said and all the things between them still left unsaid.

Fortunately they were saved from having to break the strained silence when Patrick crept into the room.  He stutter-stopped, not actually expecting to see them leaning on either side of the bedroom door looking so drained.  He didn’t draw attention to it, however; instead he continued towards the coffeepot that had been his original destination.

It didn’t take much effort to locate the things he needed and soon Patrick had a pot of coffee brewing.  Only then did he turn his attention back to the two women still leaning against the doorjamb.  “Everything all right girls?” crossing his arms over his chest and his feet at the ankles as he leaned against the counter.  “How’s Es?”

“She woke up for a little while, Daddy.”

“But...?” waiting for a long moment for a response before he proceeded to speak again.  “C’mon, lasses,” his brogue coming to the fore as it always did in times of stress.  “You’d not be looking quite so exhausted if somethin’ troublesome hadn’t happened in that room.”  He glanced around.  “Where’s Adam?”

“Adam’s fine, Papa,” Brianna replied.  “He’s taking a nap with Es.  It seemed to bring her comfort and since he wanted to help her feel better....”  She shrugged.

“So something happened betwixt the two of ya then?” seeing color rise in one face and drain from the other.

“Daddy!” Charisma choked out.  Before he could comment further, the coffee finished making and Patrick turned his back to them to prepare a cup for himself and one for Okasa as well.

“I’m not gonna ask,” he said quietly as he picked up both cups.  “But maybe the two of you should figure this out before ya lose yer chance to do so.”  He didn’t give them the chance to reply; he simply walked to the door and back towards the living room.

Almost the moment he disappeared from view, Kay stepped into the room as though she’d been waiting just outside the door.  With an effort at nonchalance she grabbed two more coffee cups and poured them full, then looked at Brianna and Charisma.  “If you two would like to join us in the living room, we’d like an update on Esmeralda if you have one.”  Without giving them time to comment she followed Patrick’s footsteps back to the living room.

Charisma and Brianna spared one another a quick glance, then moved towards the coffee pot.  Charisma grabbed the cups as Brianna picked up the pot, falling into a rhythm they had found with one another in a time long past.  Charisma added sugar and Brianna poured the cream and in moments their coffee was ready.  Only when that chore was done did they look at each other again.

“So do you want to talk to them or shall I?” Brianna asked, lifting her cup towards the people gathered in the living room.  “Most of them belong to you.”

Charisma snorted.  “All but one belongs to me, and all but one belongs to you.  I’d say it was pretty well even.”  She met Brianna’s disbelieving stare.  “Oh come on, Brianna – Mama and Daddy belong to you as much as they belong to me.  However, I’ll go talk to them.  You’ll let us know if anything changes?”

“Of course,” Brianna replied as she pulled a chair out from the table.  Charisma nodded and walked out of the kitchen.  Brianna placed her coffee in front of her and folded her hands so she could prop her chin on top.  Then she focused her gaze on the tabletop and waited.

************

“Es?” Adam said sleepily, yawning and stretching against her.  He sat up carefully, strangely mindful of where he put his hands.  Brianna had told him Es hurt, and Adam didn’t want to be the one that brought more pain to her however accidentally.  He leaned over until his face was over hers, then he raised one hand and patted her cheek gently.  “Es?  You ‘wake?”

Esmeralda blinked open heavy eyes, wondering why she still felt so exhausted.  Then she met Adam’s bright blue eyes and smiled even as tears flooded her eyes again.  “Hi Adam,” she breathed out quietly, afraid anything louder would cause the sobs to start.  And as much as she may have needed that release, she refused to traumatize Adam with the depth of her grief.

Adam smiled then grew grave, reaching up to tenderly wipe the tear the spilled from Esmeralda’s eye without her conscious permission. “Es hurt?”  Esmeralda nodded, the motion causing even more wetness to slide down her cheeks.  Adam sat up further and jerked a thumb at his chest with a determined air.  “Adam kiss... make better.”

“Oh Sweetie,” Esmeralda replied softly.  “I wish you could.”  She put a hand over her heart.  “I hurt on the inside, Adam.  I hurt in the place where Saphira was.”

Adam put his hand on top of hers, closing his eyes and furrowing his brow in consternation.  It would have been amusing if Esmeralda hadn’t already been trying to hold herself together by sheer grit.  As it was, she couldn’t even appreciate how adorable he looked for fear of losing the last tether she had keeping her from simply losing control.  She closed her eyes and focused on modulating her breathing.  When she opened her eyes again, Adam was staring at her with a peculiar look on his face.

“Es?” he said calmly.  “Phira’s still there,” patting the hand still resting on her heart.  She blinked at him stupidly.

“Adam, how do you know that?”

“Phira told me,” he responded matter-of-factly.  Esmeralda sucked in a breath as though she’d been sucker punched. 

“She told you?” asked in a hoarse whisper that was all that she could manage.

“YES!” he affirmed bluntly with a smile on his face, then pointed to the corner of the room closest to the head of the bed on Saphira’s side.  “Ask her!”

Esmeralda blinked dumbly, then turned her head.  But to her dismay there was nothing for her to see – no one in the corner Adam was indicating.  Surely if Saphira was nearby, Esmeralda would be able to see her, wouldn’t she?  But she knew better than most that sometimes the heart and mind hide what they are unwilling or unable to acknowledge.  And she also recognized that children are able to see and appreciate many things that most adults no longer accept as possible.

It occurred to her briefly that this was like a test of faith for her, and she realized if that was truly the case, she was failing miserably.  Esmeralda closed her eyes again and decided to accept that as a possibility and act accordingly.  She took a deep breath to center herself, feeling a peace settle over her she hadn’t felt in a very long time.  Now she didn’t almost feel Saphira’s presence – she truly felt Saphira beside her and within.  The feeling made her eyes well with tears and this time she made no effort to stop them or the sobs that accompanied them.

Adam had been watching Esmeralda carefully, and when the tears started flowing and her shoulders started shaking, he looked to the corner for a long moment before sliding from the bed to the floor.  He ran to the door and opened it with effort, then nearly ran smack into Brianna.  He didn’t hesitate but took her by the hand and pulled her back into the room.

Brianna, who had heard Adam’s thump when his feet hit the floor, had risen from her chair and moved towards the bedroom door.  She reached it just as Adam jerked it wide, and she willingly let herself be tugged into the room at his urgent behest.

“Br’anna fix – help Es,” he commanded pointing a finger towards the figure crying on the bed.  Brianna felt her own eyes welling up, but she nodded and walked to Esmeralda’s side, taking a seat on the bed and rubbing the other woman’s back in the only gesture of comfort she could offer.  She noticed Adam move to a corner of the room and wondered what held his attention.  Then without any visible cue, he came back around to stand beside her, and Brianna smiled down at him gently.  “Es okay now?” he asked with a voice full of concern.

Brianna cupped his face in her free hand.  “I think she will be, Sweetie.  Can you go ask Mama to come in here for a minute?  I promised her....”  But before Brianna could finish her explanation, Adam had taken off in a little boy run to find Charisma.  Surprisingly though, he didn’t yell – he just ran.

In another moment Charisma was being led back into Esmeralda’s room by her son’s hand, and they were being followed by Okasa, Patrick and Kent at a much more sedate pace.  Brianna chanced to wonder where Kay was, but before she could ask Charisma volunteered the information.

“She had to take a call.”

Brianna nodded her acceptance of Charisma’s explanation and turned back to Esmeralda who was still crying.  Charisma picked Adam up with a groan and walked back to where the rest waited in the doorway. 

“Son, I want you to go with Daddy and Gramma and Papa for now, okay?  I promise Brianna and I will take care of Es, but ....”

“S’okay, Mama,” Adam said, patting her face.  “Love Es.”

Charisma smiled and tilted Adam towards Kent, who immediately shifted to lift Adam into his arms.  Adam went willingly, and Charisma and Kent exchanged small smiles before Kent turned and walked back towards the living room.  Patrick followed him without a word.  Okasa hesitated a moment.

“Is there anything...?”

“I don’t think so, Mama.  If there is....”

“... you know where to find us.”  Okasa patted Charisma’s arm.  “Good luck,” she added before she too walked back to the living room to wait.

Charisma closed the door and turned back towards the bed, but she didn’t approach it.  From where she stood, she could see that Esmeralda was no longer wracked by sobs and though there still appeared to be tears sliding down her cheeks, she was talking to Brianna in quiet tones.  Charisma leaned against the door and crossed her arms over her chest, content to wait.

************

Brianna had kept up the soothing motion on Esmeralda’s back, not sure what else to do.  She’d spared a glance at Charisma and the rest when they’d stopped in the doorway, tacitly recognizing Charisma’s explanation of Kay’s absence before turning back to Esmeralda.  She felt more than saw Charisma removing Adam from the immediate area, focusing her attention on Esmeralda.  Though she felt the shudders subsiding, Brianna continued to rub Esmeralda’s back slowly, hoping to contribute a sense of calm to Esmeralda, if not actual peace.

When Esmeralda was able to get her hiccups under control, she rolled over just enough to meet Brianna’s eyes.  “Thank you,” she offered quietly. “I....”

Brianna shook her head.  “No need for thanks, Es.  I can’t begin to imagine what you’re going through right now.”

“You don’t have to, Brianna.  You’ve already been there... in a manner of speaking.”

Brianna shook her head.  “Not even close, Es.  It doesn’t even compare.  At least I could have confronted Charisma.  It wasn’t like she was gone from me completely.”

“But she was, Brianna.  Oh maybe not in a permanent way like death.”  Tears rolled down her face but Esmeralda didn’t break down again.  “But she was still completely out of your realm.”

“Maybe... but it was my own choice, Es; she wasn’t taken from me.”

Esmeralda smiled sadly and shook her head.  Brianna didn’t want to believe what Esmeralda knew to be true and there was no way to convince her at the moment.  “Well, thank you anyway, Brianna.  You and Charisma have been godsends to me... but especially now.”

“I for one am glad I could be, Es,” Brianna said, clutching one of Esmeralda’s hands in her free one and simply holding it.  She turned and caught Charisma watching them from the door and motioned her over with a wrench of her head.  Charisma pushed off the door and circled to the other side of the bed, taking a seat and covering the hand Brianna still held with one of her own.  Brianna didn’t move, but it took everything in her not to flinch or jerk away from the unexpected touch.  Charisma squeezed lightly and kept her eyes locked on Esmeralda’s face.

“Thank you,” Esmeralda repeated quietly.  “I told Brianna – you both have been godsends in my life, but especially now.  I don’t know how I’ll ever repay....”

Charisma shook her head.  “Don’t let Mama hear you say that.  There’s no repayment needed when it comes to family... old or new.”

“Then as family, I’m gonna say something, and I want you both to let me have my say without interruption.  Then I want the two of you to go and take the rest of the family and go home for today.  I promise you’ll all be welcome to come over again tomorrow, but I need to be alone for the rest of the day... please.”

Brianna and Charisma exchanged looks, then turned to Esmeralda and nodded simultaneously. “Would you like us to ask Ruby to come with us as well?”

“Is she sleeping?”

“She was.”

“Then no.  As long as she’s resting, she’s fine here.  But I may ask her to call you if she starts stirring around.”

“She’ll be more than welcomed, Es,” Charisma said, and Esmeralda nodded her acceptance.  Then she took a deep breath and spoke softly.

“Brianna, I know you’re angry – you’re angry about the situation you and Charisma are in; you’re angry at Charisma for allowing it, but you’re mostly angry at yourself.” She held up a hand and shook her head before Brianna could interject.  “Charisma, you’re scared – you’re scared of what people will think; of what this will do to your career....   But mostly you’re scared you can’t be what Brianna needs you to be.”  She paused for breath.  “I want you both to think about something – I want you to understand one thing regardless of what you do with your anger and your fear.”  Esmeralda tilted her head up to look at the ceiling, blinking rapidly to keep the tears from spilling down her face once more. She took another deep breath and shook her head.  “As badly as I hurt right now... as much as I miss Saphira, the only regret I have is the time we spent apart.  Not that it was my choice or hers to be separated, but the time we missed together is my one regret in sharing my life with her.  I didn’t have all of her that should have been mine.  Don’t let anger and fear rob you of what you should have – it will only leave regret in its wake.”

Esmeralda closed her eyes when she finished speaking.  Brianna gently withdrew her hand from beneath Charisma’s and stood, and Charisma slowly followed her from the room.  Esmeralda sighed.  She’d done what she could and far more than she should, and she imagined there’d be hell to pay for it eventually.  But she couldn’t make herself care about the possible consequences, and at least she’d given them their best chance... finally.  It would be up to them to take it... or not.


Chapter XCVI

“Ruby?  What are we doing here?” Opal asked for the rest, looking around at the waiting room they’d been placed in as soon as they’d arrived home.  The call had been unexpected and without warning had jerked all of them out of their attempts to make themselves scarce from the house they shared with Esmeralda and Saphira.  They knew they couldn’t stay while Brianna and Charisma et al were there trying to offer Esmeralda support as she grieved her loss of Saphira.  Ruby shook her head and scrubbed a hand over her tired face before running it through her hair.

“I don’t know, Opal.  I was sound asleep when I got yanked so you know as much as I do at the moment.”  She glanced around at the other Angels currently quarantined with her, noting they were still dressed in their earthly garments and not their heavenly robes.  “If I was to guess though, I’d say it has something to do with our assignment.  Was anyone with either Charisma or Brianna while they were at the house?”

Indi was the first to speak.  “No – we didn’t expect to be needed there... not with you and Amber there, Ruby.  Especially since they were there to be with Es.”

Brows furrowed, then Turq uncrossed her arms and pushed off the wall she’d been leaning against.  “You don’t suppose this is about her instead, do you?  We’ve all seen how this is affecting her; maybe we’re gonna get some directives on how to help her cope with all this or something.”

Amber shook her head.  “The only thing that’s gonna help Es cope with this is for Saphira to not be dead anymore, and I’m pretty sure there’s nothing we can do to change that particular situation.”

“So then why are we here?” Mal asked.  “I don’t know about the rest of you, but things still aren’t resolved that I can tell.”

“Why don’t you let me be the judge of that?” Michael asked as he strode pompously into the room.

“How about you tell us why we’re here first and then we’ll decide what you get to be the judge of?” Amber snapped.  Michael frowned.  Amber had never been so short with him before, not even before they’d become involved with one another.  He couldn’t fathom a reason for her to do so now.  Slowly he let his gaze wander around the room, meeting each Angels’ eyes before moving on to the next, and what he found there was startling.

Every woman in the room met his eyes squarely... unflinchingly – a surprise in itself.  Generally speaking all Angels male or female briefly lowered their eyes out of respect for the office he held, but not this time.  Yet beyond that lack of respect was a weariness... a frustration and anger that he had never witnessed singly – much less in a group so large and diverse.  He silently questioned what he had not been told about what was going on.

“Amber?” he finally replied, choosing to direct his comments to her in an effort to show her that he wasn’t the enemy. 

“Why are we here, Michael?” she asked resignedly, losing all traces of venom in both her voice and her posture.  Instead she dropped into a chair with her head down and her hands clasped loosely between her knees - the textbook picture of defeat.  Michael tilted his head and looked around the room again, seeing discouragement and disillusionment reflected back at him.  He carefully eased into a seat and folded his hands on the table in front of him.

“Tell me about Esmeralda,” he instructed softly, keeping his eyes on his hands.  He felt Amber’s head pop up, but he kept his eyes down, wanting to hear what she had to say without reacting to what he was sure was anger.  Most had been unhappy about the Father’s decision to cast Esmeralda and Saphira from heaven, but only Amber had actually said so to Him at the time despite Michael’s admonition that she’d be wiser to hold her tongue.  Her rash actions had caused them to be separated for months and Michael had missed her.  This certainly wasn’t how he’d pictured their reunion.

“What do you want to know?” Amber replied, her voice a whisper, but the bile in it burning into his heart.  He didn’t answer and Amber took that as her cue to continue.  “She’s dying, Michael!!” ignoring the gasp her words drew from Michael as well as the way his gaze wrenched up to meet hers.  “Saphira is dead and the rending is going to kill Es as well.  So you tell me exactly what it is you need to know.”

“Wait... WHAT??  Saphira is.... No.  What??”  He looked around the room.  “Saphira’s dead??  Is this true?”

Amber sighed and scrubbed a hand through her hair.  “Guess they don’t tell you anything either, huh?”  She met his eyes again.  “Michael, I’ve never lied to you or anyone else.  That’s what got me into trouble in the first place, remember?  I couldn’t keep my mouth shut.  Why would I make something like that up?  By mortal time, Saphira died late last night.  Her funeral is the day after tomorrow.”

Michael covered his face with his hands and breathed in deeply, holding it in until he could blink away the unexpected tears.  Then he released it in a shuddering stream before looking back at Amber.  “That explains a lot,” he muttered.  “Can you fill me in?  Bring me up to speed on what happened?  Then I’ll tell you why you all were called home so unceremoniously.”

“As long as it’s quick, Michael,” Ruby supplied.  “We have to get back to Es.”

Michael shook his head.  “I’m not sure that’s going to be possible.”  He held up his hands to silence their protests.  “It’s not up to me, and you know that.”

“We’ll give up our wings, Michael,” Amber said with confidence.  “Every last one of us,” seeing every head in the room nod in agreement.  Michael’s jaw dropped and he looked stunned.

“Now, ladies... let’s not be hasty.”

“This isn’t hasty, Mike,” Turq replied, smirking at the riled up expression in Michael’s eyes at her address of him.  “This is us being sick and tired of the politics and bureaucracy that has been constantly thrown at us during this cluster of a mission.  Nothing about this whole cock-up has been handled right, and this was the last straw.”

“So you’re staging a coup like Lucifer did?”

“Not at all,” Opal said.  “We don’t want to take over the place,” gesturing around them vaguely.  “We simply want to support a friend who needs us, and if we can’t do it as Angels we’ll do it as humans.”

“Okay, wait... all of you stop!  Just hold on a minute!”  Michael clutched his hair for a moment, the ephemeral pain giving him something else to focus on briefly.  Taking a deep breath, he closed his eyes and meditated, and only when he felt a sense of calm return did he open his eyes.  “All right.  Amber, start from the beginning and don’t leave anything out.  I can’t help you if I don’t know what the whole story is, can I?”

Amber blew out a frustrated breath and nodded.  Maybe telling the story to Michael would help them to see something they missed.

************

Michael sat slack-jawed for several long minutes before finally closing his mouth with an audible click.  He took a deep breath and released it slowly, trying to organize his thoughts into something more coherent than the chaos that was currently swirling through his brain at an alarming rate.  The rest just sat back and took in his reaction, wondering what was going on.  Eventually Michael pulled himself together and cleared his throat.  “Well, that explains... so much.”  He looked down at his linked hands a moment before bringing his eyes up to meet each and every pair now focused solely on him.  “This morning, by human standards, Esmeralda told Brianna and Charisma to do something,” he paused, shaking his head.  “She told them to make a choice concerning one another, and that their best choice WAS each other.”  He felt the other Angels’ jaws swing open and he wanted to laugh.  He didn’t – this was serious.  But he was more than a little gratified to know that he wasn’t the only one who reacted so gobsmacked by the whole situation.

“So,” Ruby started slowly, bringing all eyes to focus on her.  “We were brought here because Esmeralda finally gave Brianna and Charisma a shove in the right direction?”

“She broke protocol,” Michael responded, not thrilled with the looks of disgust that followed his accusation.  He sighed.  “You were brought here so we could find out if she acted on her own.”

“It doesn’t matter, Michael.  We’re standing with her on this.”  This from Amber.

“All of you?”

Amber let her eyes study each of her comrades in turn, saving Ruby for last.  Ruby merely nodded and Amber turned back to Michael.  “Yes, Michael.  All of us.”

He sighed again and rose from his seat, keeping his eyes on something beyond normal sight.  “I can’t really blame you, I suppose – not given what you’ve shared here.  I’ll make sure you are sent back to give Esmeralda the support she needs, but I don’t know how long it will last.”

“Make sure He understands we’ll be there for as long as Es needs us, Michael.  She didn’t deserve what’s happened and her reaction to Charisma and Brianna shouldn’t have been unexpected.”

“I’ll do what I can,” he offered without looking at them again.  “Take care of her and yourselves.  I’m sure I’ll see you all again soon.”  And without another word he walked off in the direction he’d come from, disappearing into the mist.

They waited for him to be swallowed up and remained silent for several minutes beyond that.  At Amber’s nod, they took seats around the table and settled in to wait.

************

“I don’t like it,” Kay said above the protests that were given by the rest of the family gathered in Esmeralda’s living room when Charisma finished explaining Esmeralda’s request to them.  “She’s too unstable; this is a very dangerous time for her to be left alone.”

“We don’t have to like it, Doc,” Charisma said with barely a bite in her tone.  “But we should respect her wishes.”

“Even if it puts her in harm’s way?” Kay ground out.

“Even then,” Brianna suddenly spoke, causing all eyes to turn towards her.  “Es is going to have to find her own strength... her own will to live.  We can’t do that for her.  If she really wants to die, she’ll find a way.”  She felt Charisma’s indrawn breath but refused to meet her eyes.  Instead Brianna stared at Kay and willed her to see what she was unable to say aloud.  Finally Kay nodded.

“All right.  I’m not happy about it, but Brianna’s right.”  She turned to Charisma.  “Should we try to rouse Ruby... let her know what’s going on?”

“I don’t think so.  Es was fine with her staying in the house as long as she was sleeping.  Maybe we could leave her a note to call one of us...?” looking at Brianna.

“I think that’s a good idea,” writing a brief note and adding both their numbers at the bottom.  Then Kay snatched the missive out of her hand.  Brianna glared.  “Kay!  What the he...?” cutting herself off abruptly when she remembered Adam was still in the room and listening.

“I know where Ruby’s room is.  Be right back,” she added, heading up the stairs.

Meanwhile Patrick and Okasa had gathered everyone’s outerwear together and brought it into the living room, and they started sorting it out so they could leave as soon as Kay was ready.

When Kay reached Ruby’s room, she hesitated, then quietly opened the door and let her eyes adjust to the dimness she was surrounded by.  She guessed the older woman had finally fallen asleep so she tiptoed across the floor and propped the note in front of the clock, sure it was the best way for it to be noticed.  Then without making a sound, she retraced her steps and closed the door silently behind her.  When she arrived back in the living room, it only took a moment for her to don her outerwear and then they left Esmeralda to her grief.

************

“Oh Es,” Amber said as she gently pushed the blonde hair away from Esmeralda’s swollen face.  “What have you gone and done, hmm?” Esmeralda didn’t respond at all and Amber surreptitiously checked to assure herself that Esmeralda was still breathing. When she found a faint pulse, she released the breath she’d been holding and sighed.  This was a lot harder than she’d expected it to be, and she’d expected the worst.  She looked around at the other Angels who were in the room as well.  Ruby gestured for her to continue talking, and Amber rolled her eyes but resumed her one-sided conversation as a single tear escaped its confines and slid down her cheek.  “You know you put heaven into quite a tizzy.  I know you knocked Michael for a loop with what you said to Brianna and Charisma.  He was scandalized by it.”  Amber chuckled.  “It was kinda funny to see actually.”  She gazed around the room again, then jerked her head, waiting for the others to join her.

One by one the Angels stepped close, until they were right beside the bed, and they reached out to one another and held hands.  Amber remained sitting on the bed beside Esmeralda, but she offered one hand into the circle.  Ruby and Opal, one on either side of her, took it so the chain would stay unbroken.  And they waited for Amber to continue.

“We’re all here for you, Es, and we’re not going anywhere.  We told Michael we’d give up our wings before letting you go through this alone.”  She paused and swallowed hard.  Amber had never realized how difficult it was to keep up a running discussion by yourself.  She took another deep breath.  “I know you’re hurt, Es.  I know you’re dying inside.  It’s killing me, and she was just my sister.  And I know that us being here doesn’t really help take the pain away, but we’re at a loss to know what to do – for you... for us... for them.  So we need you, Es.  We need you to wake up and give us some sort of direction; to tell us what we can do for you.”  A pause.  “Please, Es.”

Esmeralda’s eyelids fluttered and slowly her eyes blinked open.  She looked at each Angel and they met her eyes unflinchingly despite the depth of sorrow in them that made them ache for her.  Finally she let her eyes hold Amber’s eyes, not closing them even when Amber gently cupped her face.

“What are you doing here, Amber?” Esmeralda asked.  Amber frowned.

“Where else would we be, Es?”  She tilted her head.  “You really think we’d leave you alone at a time like this?”

“I expected you to have been called home,” Esmeralda replied quietly.  She had anticipated that ending anyway.  She had wanted nothing more than to return to sleep in the hope that she would once more find Saphira in her dreams.  Less than twenty-four hours had passed since Saphira had left and all Esmeralda wanted to do was join her.  And she was honest enough to know that the women currently surrounding her and offering her their unwavering strength and support would do their damnedest to make sure that didn’t happen.

“We did.  And we told Michael we weren’t staying.”  Esmeralda couldn’t stop her involuntary reaction – her eyes widened and her brows went into her hairline.  Amber gave her a tiny smirk and nodded.  “It’s true.  We told Michael we’d give up our wings before we stayed there.”

“Why?”

Amber glared.  “Because I’m selfish, Es.  Because I can’t watch you just give up and die no matter how much you want to right now!”  She took a deep breath and lowered her voice.  “Because I promised Saphira I’d keep an eye on you.”

Eyes that had been a flat gray suddenly burned with a fire that made the green flash.  “You promised Saphira??  You knew...?  She knew...?”  Esmeralda jerked away from Amber’s touch and scooted up until she was partially sitting against the headboard.

As glad as Amber was to see the spark back in Esmeralda’s eyes, she was a little afraid to see that kind of anger turned in her direction.  She felt Ruby and Opal squeeze the hand they held in support, and she forced herself not to flinch under the weight of the accusing stare Esmeralda was directing at her.

“No, Es – I didn’t know about this.”  She blew out an unsteady breath.  “I made my promise to Saphira a long time ago.”

Now Esmeralda sucked in air, clenching her hands together until the knuckles turned white.  “When?” her voice soft and broken.

Amber placed a gentle hand on Esmeralda’s foot – the only place she could reach in their current positions – and didn’t move even when she felt the shudder tremble through Esmeralda’s frame.  “When she left the first time... when she was banished.”

“This isn’t the same thing, Amber.”

“I know, Es,” Amber agreed with a nod.  “This is so much worse.  But that promise didn’t have a time limit, and it’s my privilege to look after you.”

“I’m not a child, Amber!  I don’t need ‘looking after’!”  Her voice dropped to a bare whisper and Amber had to focus on Esmeralda’s lips to hear her words.  “I just need Saphira.”

Amber tugged her hand from Ruby’s and Opal’s grip and they clasped their hands together when Amber slipped from them.  She crawled up the bed and took Esmeralda in her arms, holding tight when she struggled against Amber’s embrace.  It went on for several minutes before Esmeralda collapsed into the warm body holding her and Amber just held her as she cried.

“I can’t do this, Amber.”

“Es, you don’t have to do this alone.  We’re all gonna be here for you for as long as you need us.  And when the time comes....”  She shrugged and Esmeralda tilted her head back to look into Amber’s golden eyes.  Amber met Esmeralda’s eyes seriously.  “When the time comes, I promise to let you go,” drawing a gasp from the Angels still stationed around the bed.  Amber and Esmeralda didn’t take any notice of the rest.  “But until then take the strength you need from us, all right?  Let us help you get through this so we can go home knowing we did everything we could do.”

Esmeralda studied Amber’s eyes, then nodded her head.  “I’ll try, Amber.  It’s the best I can promise.”

“I’ll take it, Es.  You’ve never broken a promise to me.”  Amber looked around the room.  “Now let us tell you about our morning and then you can tell us what you said to Brianna and Charisma and why.  After that....”  She shrugged her shoulders.

Esmeralda looked around the room and frowned.  “Who’s watching them?”

“No one.  This was more important.”

For once Esmeralda didn’t argue.  She simply nodded and closed her eyes as she leaned into Amber’s shoulder.  “So what happened this morning?”

Amber looked at Ruby, and she started telling their tale.

Part 17