Chapter XI

Koko had been away with the rest of the other young warriors defending the tribe against the Blue Coats that had been harassing them while the tribe moved out of sight again.  Thanks to Donoma’s sight, they had been able to dispatch them with a minimum of injury and no casualties.  They were headed back to the tribe when Honaw noted a dust cloud headed their way; they scattered, intent on eliminating the new threat with as little damage as could be managed.

Koko was the first to realize it was Donoma coming toward them and she called the warriors back together even as she rode to meet her.  Honaw caught up with them just as they drew even with one another, and he frowned in Donoma’s direction.

“What do you think you are doing, Ka’eskone?  It is not safe for you to be out here alone.  Does Neho’e know where you are?”

Donoma glared at him for a long moment before she turned to Koko.  “You must come back with me now, Koko.  Something is wrong with Rae’l.”

Koko turned to Honaw.  “Stay with the rest and ensure that the Blue Coats do not return again.  Donoma and I will go ahead.”  Honaw nodded and turned back to wait for the remainder of the warriors to catch up while Donoma and Koko raced for the clan’s encampment.  Any other questions would have to wait until later.

They arrived back in the camp in a cloud of dust and Koko jumped from her horse before he could skid to a complete stop.  Takoda didn’t get in her way, just accepted the reins from her and pointed to his home.  Koko adjusted her direction though her cadence didn’t even pause.  Takoda moved to help Donoma from her pony, holding the reins and extending his hand to her.  Donoma slid to the ground and started after Koko, only to find herself held back by Takoda.

“Neho’e...let me go.”

“Donoma, there is not much time.  Koko needs that time with Rae’l alone.”

“No, Neho’e.  I must.”

Takoda gazed into her eyes, seeing a depth of pain and understanding that always took him by surprise.  He released her shoulder and nodded and Donoma ran across the compound in Koko’s footsteps.  Litonya watched her go, knowing Rachel was struggling to hold onto life in order to say goodbye to both of the young women who meant so much to her.

Donoma stopped at the doorway - wanting to support Koko during what had to be one of the most difficult moments in her life and wanting to allow her the opportunity to grieve in private.  Even at her rather tender age of thirteen springs, Donoma recognized so much beyond her years.  Her sight had given her a wisdom that was rare in the old; it was unheard of in the young.

She crossed the threshold and waited, knowing Rachel was telling Koko goodbye by their actions.  Koko did not cry, but her shoulders slumped and her head bowed.  Donoma wanted to go to her and as if sensing her need, Rachel looked up and beckoned her closer.  Slowly Donoma took the few steps that were required to bring her to Koko’s side and she knelt to be closer to both her friends.

Rachel smiled at her and drew a labored breath before speaking.  “Donoma Chepi, my friend and most favored student, I have to go now.  It is time for me to rejoin Honiahaka in the land of his fathers.  But before I leave I have a favor to beg of you.  I ask that you look after my Nahtona.  I know that you have always been her friend and her warrior advisor, but I am asking you to allow her to be more.”

Donoma cocked her head curiously.  “How so, Rae’l?” taking the older woman’s hand in her own as though offering her the strength of her youth.  Koko sat as still as stone.

“She will mourn me as a warrior would, Ka’eskone.  When the time comes, let her mourn me as a woman and as a daughter would.  She will not lose face in front of the tribe.  But she will need to release her grief.  Do not let her be reckless.”  Rachel fell back to the furs, wheezing and pale from exertion.  “Promise me, Donoma.  I know I ask much of you, but I need to know Koko Kanti will be cared for when I am no longer here.”

“I promise you, Rae’l.  She will not be alone.”

Rachel closed her blue eyes and nodded, satisfied that of all the People, Donoma Chepi would be the most capable of keeping such a promise.  Her only regret was that she would not live to see their story play out to fruition, but she was looking forward to talking to Honiahaka about the woman and warrior their daughter had become – and the woman-child who would some day be her chosen mate.

When she had recovered slightly, Rachel blinked her eyes open once more, her chest still heaving with each effort to draw in breath.  Rachel reached out both hands, gratified when both young women accepted her clasp.  Then she put them together and held them with her own, clearing her throat raspily and whispering in English.  “The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make His face shine on you, and be gracious to you; the Lord lift up His countenance upon you, and give you peace.”  She swallowed.  “I love you, my daughters... never forget that.”  Then Rachel closed her eyes and died, the silence settling over them as her breathing stilled.

Koko removed their hands from beneath Rachel’s and she reverently placed them across her chest.  Then she stood and moved away from the body though her eyes never left it.  Donoma moved with her and took Koko’s much larger hand in her own.

“I will go bring Nahko’e,” she said softly, squeezing the hand she held before exiting the tent.  Litonya was waiting for her just outside and the rest of the tribe was waiting a respectable distance from them.  Donoma didn’t need to say a word; Litonya understood and rose to follow.

By the time the sun was ready to set, Rachel’s body had been prepared and a pyre had been built.  The young warriors had returned in time to help dig the pit and collect stones for the fire.  They placed the body in the earth and stacked the stones on top.  Then they gathered around and waited for Koko to come light the pyre that would speed Rachel’s soul to meet Honiahaka in the afterlife.

Koko stepped from her tent in full regalia and everyone straightened unconsciously at the presence she exuded.  Donoma followed behind her, unable by right to walk beside her and unwilling by choice to let Koko do this alone.  Koko took two steps before frowning, realizing Donoma was no longer with her.  She turned and held out a hand, offering Donoma a sad smile.  “You were her Nahtona too, Ka’eskone... as much as your Nahko’e would allow it.  You walk with me.”

Donoma searched the blue eyes for a long moment, then took Koko’s hand without a word and together they approached the fire.  Koko picked up the long stick that had been retrieved for just this purpose and waited until Donoma’s hand covered hers before touching the fire to the pyre.  They stuck it in several strategic places, ensuring that the fire was well caught before offering the torch to Takoda.

It was silent for a while as the tribe watched the smoke curled toward the heavens.  Once it streamed in a steady column, Koko opened her mouth and began to sing.  It wasn’t a typical burial song... not for the People.  Instead it was the song sung in the white man’s tongue that Rachel had spent so many hours singing to her and Donoma to help them fall asleep.  Donoma recognized it immediately and curled her fingers back around Koko’s, offering her a small smile and an approving nod.

When the song was finished Koko and Donoma knelt at Rachel’s side, intent on watching over her remains for the night.  The fire would naturally die out and in the morning the tribe would move on, following the herd to fresh pastures.

Morning arrived and Takoda found Koko unmoving from her vigil.  Donoma leaned against Koko’s shoulder, her exhaustion apparent in her face.  He leaned down to pick her up, but a shake of Koko’s head stopped him from removing Donoma.  He arched an eyebrow in question.

“I would like to go off on my own for a little while and I want to take Donoma with me if she would like to accompany me.”

Takoda nodded slowly.  “That is acceptable, Koko.  I have never been afraid for Donoma when she is with you.”

“Thank you, Takoda.  We will head out when she awakens then.”

“I will inform Litonya.  I am certain she will want to pack some things for you to take with you.”

Koko gave a sad smile of agreement.  “Of that I am certain,” she replied.  “It seems to be the way of Nahko’es.”

“I believe you are right, Koko Kanti.  And much as Rae’l did, Litonya looks on both you and Donoma Chepi as her Nahtonas.  If there is anything....”

“No, Takoda, thank you.  I am not the first to lose a Nahko’e, nor will I be the last.”

“No, you are not,” Takoda concurred.  “But your situation is a little different from most as well.”

“Perhaps,” Koko allowed.  “But not all are as fortunate as I have been in making a new family,” meaning the tribe but letting her gaze drift down to Donoma who still rested peacefully against her. 

Takoda opened his mouth to say something, then hesitated.  It wasn’t his place... yet, anyway, and when the time came he expected that Koko would do the honorable thing.  He wondered if they were even aware yet.  He suspected Koko was – she was a fully-grown warrior after all.  Donoma though... he knew that the Great Spirit did not lend insight to matters of the heart.  He doubted that she understood what was between them even if she was able to see it.

Instead he simply said, “We are glad you are part of that family, Koko Kanti.  I have long blessed the day Donoma insisted we help you and Rae’l.”

“As have I,” Koko stated as Donoma stirred against her.

“You have what?” she asked sleepily, rubbing her eyes and trying to stretch without moving too much.  Koko looked down at her with a smile.

“I have been thankful for the day we became family.”

Donoma’s smile was big and bright.  “Me too,” hugging Koko tightly.

“So would you like to go out and listen with me?  I think I need a little quiet.”

“I would like that.  It has been a long time since I have done that.”  Koko nodded; it had been more than a full cycle since she had taken Donoma out the first time and taught her how to listen.

“Gather your things, Ka’eskone.  We will leave when you are ready.”

“I will return in a moment.”  And true to her word, Donoma reappeared almost instantly.  Even without Takoda’s notification, Litonya had anticipated such an action and had everything ready for both of them.  Koko rose from her knees, briefly touching the still warm stones before extending her hand to Donoma who accepted it without hesitation.

“We will try not to be too long.  The Blue Coats are out in force to protect the white travelers and several of the other tribes are out hunting for the same settlers.  Advise Odahingum to stay near the riverbed.  The herd will not wander far from it, and it should keep the People away from accidental discovery.  They will have to deliberately come looking for you that way – they seem to be intent on cutting their way across the heartland.”

“That does not seem to be a very intelligent way to travel.”

“Neither does angering the People – warlike and not alike – by breaking the treaties and promises they have made, and yet they continue to do that as well,” Koko spat in disgust.  “However, Donoma Chepi and I will be fine.  And we will return soon.  I just....”

“Koko... I meant what I said.  I have always trusted Donoma in your care and you have never done anything to betray that trust.  Take the time you need.  You know how to find us; we will leave the signs for you to follow when you are ready to come home.”

************

Donoma knew she was dreaming, but it was the dream of a memory of what had really happened.  She shifted in her sleep, remembering that trip out onto the plains as if it had happened only yesterday.

************

They had headed south, away from the People and the Blue Coats and the settlers.  Koko’s knowledge of the area was extensive and she was looking for a specific terrain.  It took a full day’s travel and part of a second on horseback, but when they stopped Donoma looked around in awe at landscape she had never dreamed was possible.  Gone was the flatness and waving grasses of the prairie; in its place were towers of colored rock, bushy trees, scrub brush and sand unlike anything Donoma had ever imagined.  She just stood and stared; Koko laughed.

“It is beautiful, Koko... absolutely amazing.  How did you find it?”

“We stumbled across it some time back.  I decided I wanted to come back here one day and listen.”  Her shoulders slumped.  “I only wish....”

Donoma stepped closer without touching.  “I am sorry, Koko.  If I had seen, I would have told you.”

Koko turned – tears in her eyes not being allowed to spill down her face. “I know, Ka’eskone.  But death is a natural part of life and I believe she was ready to rejoin my Neho’e. Despite their unorthodox beginning, they were well-matched mates.  It was her time if the Great Spirit did not gift you with knowledge of her death beforehand.”

“But you are still going to miss her presence and so I am,” Donoma stated with conviction.

Koko smiled at her.  “Of course I will.  But I think she is at peace where she is and in a few days there will be another light in the sky that will mark her spirit watching over us.”

“Do you really think so?”

“I do, Ka’eskone.  It is what happened when Honiahaka died.”

Several days passed for the two of them, mostly in silence.  They talked some, but mostly they listened.  Koko ran... never far – up the rock sides, around the perimeter – always within hearing of their tiny campsite.  Donoma took many walks around, investigating the territory and collecting bits of the colorful rock, figuring she would be able to create distinctive beads from them if nothing else.

That night they sat around the fire looking at the stars and Koko smiled.  Donoma caught the expression and cocked her head in puzzlement.  Koko arched and eyebrow at her in question.

“Why have you not cried, Koko?  Is that not how a woman and a Nahtona mourn the loss of her Nahko’e?” thinking of Rachel’s last words to her.  “Yet you seem... happy – at peace.”

“I am, Ka’eskone... I cried for Nahko’e in my heart while I was out among the hills.  Those tears were for me, not for her.  She would not want me to dishonor my status as a warrior to cry for her openly even in front of you.  You have fulfilled your promise to her, Ka’eskone; you simply allowed me to mourn in my own time and my own way.”

“Tell me what you were smiling at then.  I want to know what puts the sparkle back in your eyes.”

Koko offer Donoma her hand, then tugged her down gently to sit in front of her.  Koko extended her arm upwards and Donoma followed the line of sight.  “Do you see the red light?” pointing out the particular star she was talking about.  Donoma nodded.  “Do you see the tiny white light just to the right of it?”  Another nod.  “That is the light that appeared in the sky just after Neho’e died.  Now,” shifting her arm over just slightly, “do you see the tiny blue light beside that?”

Donoma squinted a moment before nodding again. Blue was a little more difficult to see against the blackness of the night sky.  “That light appeared for the first time last night.  I believe that Rachel’s spirit has finally found Honiahaka’s in the afterlife and they are together once more.”

Donoma turned slightly to look at Koko and made an indescribable face; Koko couldn’t contain the laughter that bubbled up from her chest when she saw it.  Donoma turned around completely and glared, causing even louder laughter to erupt.  Finally Koko got ahold of herself and cleared her throat.  “Thank you, Ka’eskone.  I needed that,” evoking a reluctant smile from Donoma.  “Now what was that face for?”

“I am sure it is very nice that Rae’l found Honiahaka again – they have been separated and alone for a long time.  It just sounds so very....”  Donoma hesitated and waved her hands, unsure how to convey her thoughts on the romanticism involved.  Koko’s countenance softened.

“Do not worry, Donoma Chepi.  One day there will be someone in your life that you will feel so about and it will all seem different then.  It will not sound so very....” Koko finished, waving her hand in much the same motion that Donoma had.  “I promise.”

“Are you sure, Koko?  Do you know this for a fact?”

“I do indeed, Ka’eskone.  I have seen it over and over many, many times,” she continued before Donoma could ask any probing questions.  “It happened to your Neho’e and Nahko’e; it has happened to Honaw and Keez and even Aucaman.  And how many of the older girls in the tribe that used to run from the boys now wait for them so that they might walk together instead?”  Koko smiled.  “It is the way of things, Ka’eskone.  It is how nature works.”

“What about you, Koko?” Donoma asked, ignoring the uneasiness she felt flowing from Koko’s body as she stiffened.  “How can you know what will change and what will happen if you do not have someone like that in your life?”  Koko blew out a breath, having wanted to avoid this discussion; then she decided to answer as honestly as she could without revealing anything.

“I know because I have watched and learned from those around me and though it is not quite the same thing as mating, I have had it happen, Ka’eskone.  My life changed when you came into it and brought my new family with you.  I feel very strongly about the family that adopted me.”  She paused.  “For some, there will never be one single person that will hold their heart and soul, Donoma.  But it is only that way for a few.  You will have many who will wish to mate with you when you are considered of an age that Takoda would allow it.  Just remember to choose the one who makes you happy.  Promise me, Ka’eskone,” Koko urged.

“I promise, Koko, though I prefer not to think about it right now.  I do not want to grow up that much yet.  I am very happy with the way things are now.  I like my family just the way it is though I will miss Rae’l and her lessons.”

“You cannot tell me you did not have those books memorized,” Koko said with a smile, relieved she had skirted the danger of the previous topic.  “Maybe we should see if we could find some new books.”

“I would like that,” Donoma admitted honestly.  “But I have no desire to go into the white man’s world to find them and we have nothing they would take for them.  Perhaps I should make my own.” 

The silence grew thoughtful after that and neither of them realized when they fell asleep.

************

It was dark when Donoma awakened, her thoughts a mass of confusion and her body sore from having remained in the same position for so long.  She sat up slowly, pushing her hair back from her face and blinking the sleep from her eyes as Litonya stuck her head in.  She didn’t say a word – simply backed out and returned again a moment later with some hearty stew and bread.  Donoma didn’t have the strength to argue.  She just accepted the bowl and ate, trying to sort out the thoughts and images left by her dream.  She finally put it aside for later contemplation, knowing there were things that needed to be taken care of in the present – that the past and the future could wait for another time and place.

When she was done eating, she checked on Koko, satisfied that she was no worse, and Litonya remained with the warrior while Donoma took some time to clean up.  She returned to her home and her mother departed, with the instruction that Donoma was to call her for help if it was needed.  And so began the next part of Donoma’s vigil.


Chapter XII

For three more days Donoma’s supervision of her patient continued in much the same vein.  She kept Koko under careful observation – watching her temperature; changing her bandages; feeding her broth and forcing her to consume it.  There was no more sign of infection and Koko’s breathing remained deep and even and for that the entire tribe was thankful.

Still there was a tension throughout the encampment that had everyone on edge.  Takoda convinced Odahingum to hold a free-for-all challenge among the warriors a little away from the camp to draw everyone outside and away from the pall that hung over them. 

Donoma appreciated it as much as any of the rest of the tribe since their leaving meant she had peace for just a little while.  Without meaning to the clan had placed an expectation on her and the longer Koko remained unreachable, the more difficult Donoma found her position.  She had done all she knew to do; it was now up to Koko.  But truth be told Donoma had mixed feelings about that as well.

Although she truly wished no harm or ill will to Koko, the fact remained that she still ached from Koko’s desertion.  And despite everything there was a part of her that wished Koko had never returned home – that she, Donoma, had never been put into such an untenable position that required her to care for someone she had never stopped caring for.

Donoma followed her usual routine, removing Koko’s bandages and cleaning her up carefully before deciding to leave the wrappings off for a while.  The wounds seemed to be healing well on their own and Donoma hoped that a bit of exposure might speed the process along.  Then she moved to the fire to retrieve the pot of broth Litonya had left there specifically for Koko earlier that morning.  She smiled at her mother’s thoughtfulness, then froze when her name was whispered by a voice she had not heard in five very long years.

“Donoma....”  Not a question – more of a plea, though what for Donoma herself had no clue.  She turned to face Koko and realized that Koko was still in a state of deep sleep.  However, the fact that she spoke indicated to Donoma that the warrior was well on the road to recovery, and she determined to have her moved to her own home as soon as the others returned from their games.

She left the broth near the fire, deciding to leave that chore to whoever was assigned to Koko’s care once she left Donoma’s.  Then she went to the entrance of her dwelling and pushed the doorway aside so she could stand just outside it and enjoy the sunshine and fresh air that permeated the earth.  It was rejuvenating and Donoma absorbed it like a sponge, allowing the first smile she’d worn since Koko’s arrival to rest on her face.

Then it faded as the memories of waking up to Koko’s disappearance descended on Donoma and her heart broke all over again as the desertion she had felt that morning wash over her again.

************

Donoma woke up happy, despite the odd proposal she had received from Ahanu the previous day.  She didn’t see the appeal herself – she had all she could possible want in the family the Great Spirit had blessed her with.  She could not imagine anything or anyone could make her any happier than those who were already in her life, and she certainly did not relish becoming the property of some man no matter how kind he might be to her.

Several of the boys that had grown up with her brothers had shown some interest, but they also seemed to know better than to mention it.  Donoma had always been off-limits to them and there was no reason for them to think that would change without consent from Donoma herself.  The older generation felt the decision lay with Takoda and assumed he would be glad to have her wed with a home of her own despite her commitment to Koko Kanti.  They did not know that Takoda and Donoma had discussed it at length while developing her abilities, and he was quite willing to let her make her own decision concerning her future.  Unusual to say the least, but Takoda knew more than the rest that Donoma would one day be able to see the mate the Great Spirit had sent to her.  He just wished her chosen would step forward and be recognized.  But until that time Takoda was happy to allow Donoma to refuse any and all unwanted proposals.

So Donoma rose from her bed that morning full of optimism.  Takoda had kept his word and she had been able to refuse her first suitor without repercussion.  Perhaps the rest would take a lesson and there wouldn’t have to be more refusals in the future.  Donoma didn’t want to embarrass anyone or hurt feelings.  But the fact was she didn’t feel the need to add more to her life.

She rose and washed her face and combed through her hair with the bone comb that matched the one Koko had carved for herself.  Then Donoma stepped from Takoda’s tent into the early morning sun, wondering at the somber mood that had settled over the encampment.  She sat beside her father at her mother’s bidding and accepted the breakfast porridge Litonya offered her.

“What is wrong, Neho’e?”

“I do not know, Ka’eskone.  Koko Kanti is gone.  She left sometime under the cover of darkness and provided no word on her whereabouts or her plans to return.  Donoma... she took everything with her.”

A frown crossed Donoma’s face.  Though it was not unusual for Koko to go out scouting in the middle of the night, she had always left word what direction she was heading and when to look for her return.  At times, she had even given reasons for her disappearance.  But never before had she vanished without leaving some sort of explanation, and she had *never* taken more than the basic necessities for her trip.  Her personal possessions remained with the tribe and Donoma took special pains to ensure that they were moved carefully as the People followed the herd.

“What are you saying, Neho’e?”

Takoda sighed.  This was not the kind of news he wanted to share, but he wouldn’t allow anyone else to assume the responsibility for it either.  “I believe she has left us, Donoma Chepi.  For whatever reason Koko Kanti is gone from us for good.”

“No,” Donoma declared fiercely.  “No, Neho’e.  You are wrong.  Koko would not leave without telling me.  I am her warrior advisor.  She would not leave without talking to me first,” clutching her bowl so tightly Takoda could hear the wood cracking.  He reached over and unclenched her hands from either side, sliding it from her grasp and placing it on the ground before covering her hands with his.

“I hope you are right, Ka’eskone.  I hope I am wrong and you are right about this, Donoma.”

“I cannot be wrong, Neho’e.  Koko would not leave without telling me – I am certain of that.  We have an agreement and she would never dishonor that. Besides, I would have seen.  She will return soon.  You will see.”

Takoda nodded his agreement though he shut his eyes so Donoma could not see his doubts.  “I hope you are right, Ka’eskone,” he repeated.  “I truly hope you are right.”

But the days passed and Koko Kanti did not return.  After the first few days Odahingum sent out several small scouting parties to see if he could find her or any trace of what had happened to her.  But there was nothing – no trail, no remains... no sign that there had ever been a warrior named Koko Kanti to pass through their lives.

The days passed into weeks and weeks into one season and then two.  By the time a complete cycle rolled around Donoma had pulled completely into herself.  When she passed into her sixteenth spring without Koko’s return she realized that Takoda had in fact been correct and she had been so very wrong.  The despair she felt settled over the entire tribe and though Donoma continued to live among them and serve them to the best of her ability, it was clear to all that she no longer found real joy in living and her gift had become as much a burden as it was a blessing.

Several of the warriors – young and old - tried to catch her eye, figuring without Koko’s protective presence they stood a better chance than before.  But Donoma didn’t even give them a second glance.  The thought of investing into someone else the same effort that she had given to Koko was exhausting and Donoma refused to settle for less than everything.

Eventually she put Koko Kanti and her desertion behind her, returning the tribe to a semblance of normality.  Still there was always a part of Donoma that she held back from everyone, unwilling to put herself out there completely and allow herself to be hurt again.  She didn’t understand it really, and when anyone tried to question her she simply brushed them off as irrelevant.  She couldn’t explain it to herself, much less anyone else.  She simply knew that she would never, ever allow herself to trust anyone like that again.  Nothing was worth the kind of pain this betrayal had cost her.

************

She brought her attention back to the present and glanced behind her at the sleeping figure of the warrior who had once been her friend.  No, she decided firmly, she would never, ever allow herself to trust anyone like that again... especially not Koko Kanti.

************

As midday arrived, the tribe returned to their homes and fires to partake in a meal before heading back out to the prairie to continue their games.  Donoma still stood just outside her tent with her eyes closed facing the sun, and though she heard them approach, she didn’t open her eyes or acknowledge them until Honaw placed a strong hand on her slender shoulder.

“Donoma Chepi... is everything all right?”

She blinked her eyes open and slammed them shut at the glare, squinting the second time to see Honaw’s worried expression. She smiled gently at him and he could see the residual sadness in her eyes.  “Everything is fine, Hestatanemo.  I believe the time has come to move Koko Kanti to her home.  She is well enough that others can care for her now until she is able to care for herself.”

Honaw gazed at her, his unease etched into his face.  “Are you sure, Ka’eskone?  Surely she would prefer if you....”

“Her preferences are not my concern, Honaw.  I have done that which I said I would; now it is time for another to take up the burden and bear it.  She is no longer my responsibility.”

Honaw stared into her eyes and read the truth there.  She had hardened herself to deal with Koko’s unexpected appearance and now part of the sister he knew was locked away behind walls he had never wanted to see in her.  He nodded his understanding.

“I will move her myself and alert Nahko’e to her change in status.  She enlisted volunteers to give you a break.”

Donoma shook her head. “I will speak to Nahko’e myself.  I am not taking a break – I am discharging her from my care.  Neho’e can check on her once she awakens.  It is time for me to finish the spirit quest that was interrupted by her return.”  Honaw had expected as much, but it still broke his heart to hear it.

“Very well... should I move her now?”

“Yes,” Donoma replied decisively.  “At least the village will be able to relax a little now, knowing that not only will she survive, but she will soon be awake and alert enough to become a productive member of the community again.”

“And what of you, Ka’eskone?  Will you still be a productive member of the community?”

“I never stopped, Hestatanemo.  Surely that should count for something.”  Anger sparked in her green eyes and Honaw understood immediately he had hit a sore point with her.  He held up his hands in surrender, well aware that everyone was watching their interaction.

“You are right, Donoma.  I am sorry.  I just worry.”

“I know you do, Honaw, but there is no need.  Now please move Koko Kanti from my home so I can air it out a bit before I leave,” her voice firm and final in its instruction.

Honaw crossed the threshold into her home and scooped Koko into his strong arms.

“Donoma?” she whispered again and he frowned.

“No, Koko,” he responded softly.  “It is Honaw and you are safe.  Rest now.  Everything will all make sense to you later.”

This time Koko frowned though her eyes never opened and she whispered once more, “Donoma....”  Honaw sighed.  This had all the earmarks of a disaster waiting to happen, but he had been given his instruction.  So he stepped from Donoma’s tent into the instant hush that fell in the camp as the tribe realized the implications of his actions. They watched in continued silence until Honaw exited Koko’s home after gently depositing her on the furs that had been prepared for her.  Only when he went back to his own fire did the conversations resume and the tension in the air relax.

Litonya waited for Donoma to follow Honaw out, certain she would want to see Koko settled, but when that didn’t immediately happen she went to check on her.  She was a little surprised to find Donoma tamping out the fire and sweeping out the ashes to cool them before they were disposed of.  “Donoma?” 

The younger woman turned at the sound of Litonya’s voice, then smiled at her.  She set the broom aside and picked up the still warm pot of broth.  “Koko Kanti still needs to eat; I believe she will be waking up soon and will want to feed herself.”

Litonya nodded and accepted the pot with ease.  She motioned to the dwelling.  “Do you need help with the cleansing?” knowing it was standard procedure for Donoma to scrub her home intensely to rid it of residual sickness after she completed her care of a clansman.  Donoma shook her head.

“No, thank you, Nahko’e.  I am going to sweep out the fire and open the bottom to allow it to air out while I am gone.  I will finish whatever scrubbing is necessary when I return.”

Litonya frowned.  “Return?  Where are you going, Donoma Chepi?”

“I am going to finish my spirit quest, Nahko’e. Koko Kanti’s arrival only delayed it; it did not change the fact that I was in the middle of my search.”

“Have you spoken to Takoda?”

“Neho’e knows I need to do this, Nahko’e.  He will not object.  But I will notify him of my intentions before I leave.”

“Thank you, Donoma.  That is all I can ask.  I think what you did here was a very brave thing, Nahtona.  I want you to know how proud I am of you.”  Before Donoma could retort, Litonya continued, “I need to get this to Koko Kanti and set up the watch in her tent to care for her until she is well enough to care for herself.  Then I will return with some things for your journey.”

“I will wait, Nahko’e.  I will not leave without saying goodbye.” Unlike Koko did went unspoken, but it hung between them regardless.

“Thank you, Donoma.  I will be swift.”  Then Litonya left Donoma to her cleaning and scurried off to Koko Kanti’s dwelling, motioning several of the women to join her so she could issue instructions. Honaw’s wife Gaagii volunteered to watch first and Litonya nodded her thanks before returning to her own fire to prepare a few items for Donoma to take with her.

Takoda followed her into their dwelling and watched her for a long moment, then caught her by the arm halting her progress.  Litonya stopped short and met his eyes and he easily read her discomfort.  “She is going back out again then.”

“Yes... she promised not to leave without saying goodbye, but she feels the need to finish the quest that Koko Kanti’s advent postponed.  Donoma has not even considered that Koko’s arrival was the beginning of the quest she is to take.”

“You know something?” Takoda asked sharply.  Litonya was no seer, but the Great Spirit had gifted her with insight into his visions and Donoma’s when they were quick to dismiss the obvious in search of the obscure.  “Has she shared her vision with you?”

“No, Takoda.  You know she rarely does that anymore.  But if her quest was not to lead her to Koko and Koko back to us, I am not sure what the point of her being out there alone was.  She is searching for what is missing; we all know the only thing that will satisfy her is the warrior that she brought back to us.”

“I do not think that will be an easy thing for Donoma to accept, Litonya.  She still carries much anger for the way Koko Kanti left without a word to her.  There is a sense of deep betrayal there as far as Donoma is concerned.  We must give her the time and space to work this out.”

“And if she cannot?”

Takoda shook his head.  “We will cross that creek when we come to it.  However, I will have her hestatanemos look out for her.  She will not be alone this time.”

“Thank you, Takoda.  Now I must get some things together for her to take with her on her journey.  I told her I would return very soon.”

“I will go with you, Litonya. I need to inform her that she will not be alone in her quest this time.  I know,” he continued, responding to the look on her face, “but I promised Donoma I would never lie to her.  She would consider sneaking them in behind her back the same sort of deceit.  I think she will expect as much given what happened the last time I allowed her to overrule my better judgment.”

They would have continued their conversation had Aucaman not interrupted them with urgency.  “Come,” he bade them without preamble.  “Koko Kanti is....”  He shook his head as though to clear it.  “Come,” he insisted again.  “You must see this.”

They followed him outside and stopped short.  Koko stood outside her home wrapped in the fur robe that had been used to cover her looking completely disoriented.  She didn’t say a word... didn’t move from the spot where she had taken root as soon as she emerged from her tent.  She looked around with confusion apparent in her eyes as though she did not recognize where she was or those around her.  She didn’t respond when Gaagii tried to guide her back inside nor when Honaw spoke to her.  Then Donoma stepped from her home and time stopped.

“Donoma?” Koko whispered before turning her gaze heavenward.  “I can’t be here!” she screamed in the white man’s tongue, forgetting that Donoma understood her.  “Why are you doing this to me??”  She looked around frantically, her eyes wild in an effort to make her escape.  Honaw wrapped his arms around her from behind and she struggled, but her weakened, injured body could not overcome him and she slid to the ground in defeat.

Donoma watched Honaw lift Koko into his arms and move her back into her home.  Then she went on to Takoda’s fire accepting the supplies from Litonya’s hands but not allowing either of them to speak first.  “I will not go far,” she assured them, “but I must go.  I will return when the quest is finished.”

“And if what you seek is here?” Litonya asked as Honaw emerged from Koko’s dwelling.

“It is not,” Donoma assured her.  “Nothing here has changed for me,” she stated firmly.

“Your hestatanemos will guard you until your return,” Takoda said in a voice that brooked no room for argument.  “Do not wander far.”

“I will not, Neho’e.  Thank you for understanding.”

“I do not,” Takoda confessed.  “I only know I want you to find happiness, Ka’eskone.”

Donoma kissed first her father then her mother, and without another word she was gone.  Takoda and Litonya exchanged glances.

“Remind me again why we had children?”  Litonya just shook her head and they headed out to talk to Odahingum.  Things were liable to get a lot uglier before anything good happened and they needed to have a back-up plan... just in case.


Chapter XIII

Donoma made it to the edge of the encampment without interference when her youngest older brother Kya caught up to her.  He didn’t speak – words weren’t his forte.  Instead he caught the Appaloosa horse Donoma had nicknamed Dapples and held the mare steady while Donoma mounted.  Then he handed her the things she was taking.

“Thank you, Kya.  Are you going with me?”

“I can follow behind if it would ease your mind, Ka’eskone.”

Donoma smiled and shook her head.  She had such wonderful brothers even if they had given her grief growing up.  She appreciated their protectiveness a little more now.  They never forgot Takoda’s directive to watch out for her, but they also remembered that she was an adult.

“I do not mind if you ride beside me, Kya.  I only ask that when we reach our destination that you allow me the space and privacy I need to continue my search.”

Kya nodded and caught his own mount before jerking his head at her to lead the way.  And the two of them headed out onto the vast prairie with Aucaman trailing far behind so he would know where to go searching for them when it came his time to protect his sister.

************

Before Takoda and Litonya could reach Odahingum’s fire, the chieftain was stepping into Koko’s home; Gaagii immediately emerged from the doorway and moved back to her own fire.  Litonya broke off and headed towards Gaagii while Takoda moved on to stand in the doorway of Koko’s home.  Odahingum stood in front of him and he stiffened until he recognized the presence at his back.  But he did not turn around or acknowledge Takoda in any way.  Instead he kept his attention on the delirious warrior in front of him as Koko dumped her saddlebags as she tried to find her other set of clothing in an effort to dress herself.

“Koko Kanti, you are in no condition to leave!”

“Odahingum, I cannot remain here.  I was never supposed to return,” she added more quietly, wincing as she slid her spare shirt over her shoulders.  She buttoned the front slowly, breathing in and out in measured breaths, attempting to remain upright.  She didn’t take notice of her nakedness, having long since outgrown any hint of modesty.  All she knew at the moment was the physical pain of her injuries and the emotional devastation of being in this place again. 

Koko stretched carefully to reach her trousers, then took a deep breath before struggling to her feet.  Neither man moved nor offered her assistance and Koko finally looked at Takoda.  “Help me, please, Takoda.  I cannot stay here,” she reiterated, gasping for breath.

Odahingum’s raised arm stopped Takoda’s progress even though the shaman had shown no intention of moving.  “Perhaps I have not made myself perfectly clear, Koko Kanti.  Aside from the wounds you bear that make leaving a physical impossibility for you at the moment if you leave here without resolving your... misunderstandings... with Donoma Chepi, you will no longer be able to call this home.  You will not be welcome among us.”

“I was not able to stay then and I am unable to remain now.  Your words do not really make a difference to me.  I simply want to gather my things and leave.  At least things can settle back to normal with me gone again.”

“They have not been normal since you left!!” Takoda broke in.  “You made a promise to her, Koko Kanti... swore an oath that you turned your back on!  She was your warrior advisor and yet you simply left her with nothing... not even the courtesy of a note.  If you leave again without a word to her, my sons and I will hunt you down.  I am not asking for an explanation – that is not my place.  But Donoma deserves better from you than a silent dismissal even if it is just a goodbye!”

“You do not understand!” putting the pain of her choice in leaving Donoma those years before aside for the moment.  It wasn’t something she wanted to discuss with either of them anyway.  “This is not about what happened between Donoma Chepi and me five cycles ago.  The men who did this to me will be looking for my body.  Black was supposed to take me home, not bring me here.  They will come here eventually if I do not leave soon and lead them away from here.  My first responsibility to Donoma Chepi has always been to protect her.  I cannot do that if I am here!”

“You cannot do that anyway – her hestatanemos protect her now.   Besides, she is not here.  She and Kya have gone out onto the plain so that she can finish the spirit quest your arrival interrupted.  She does not feel that your return was the answer she was seeking.”

Koko flinched almost imperceptibly and held up her hands, not wanting to hear such a dismissal; she slowly sank to the ground again, covering herself to stave off the chills she felt skittering throughout her body.  “That is not my affair, Takoda.  My concern lies in protecting her and the tribe that took my Nahko’e and me in during our hour of need – People I was once able to call family.  That right is gone now... I understand that.  That lack does not negate the debt I have here.”

“What is your plan?”

“Plan?” Koko repeated dumbly.  “I plan to leave and make sure the men that are looking for me find me... far away from this place.”

“And then?”

“And then it will not matter – Donoma and her People will be safe and my debt to them will have been paid in full.”

“NO!” Takoda roared though he barely had to raise his voice.  His intensity was enough to keep her attention.  “You will take a war party with you and they will destroy this threat to the People.  Then you will return and make your peace with Donoma Chepi.  Only then will your debt be paid in full.  Otherwise the warriors will dispose of this threat and your debt will continue to remain unpaid.  And you will still face Donoma when she returns.  I will not see her destroyed as she was when you left before, Koko Kanti.  She would not survive the darkness that would follow.”

Odahingum watched in silence.  Koko Kanti was the strongest warrior he had ever known and yet she had a single weakness - one that Takoda was currently exploiting.  He could only hope that Koko would see reason, then breathed a sigh of relief when the dark head dropped and her shoulders slumped in defeat before she nodded once.

“Which is it to be, Koko Kanti?” Odahingum asked.

“I will lead the war party and then I will speak to Donoma Chepi before I take my leave from the People.  And when I go, we will be considered even and I will not return again.  Now since neither of you will assist me, I would ask that you wait outside until I am dressed.  I would prefer for you to be witness to my humiliation no longer,” her fire gone... only grim determination left in its place.

“Let me call Litonya....”

“NO!  Just leave me alone.  Go gather the war party.  I will be out when I am ready and we will leave.  I have no desire to remain here longer than is necessary and I am certain you feel the same.  Now please go so I can do what must be done to prepare for the coming fight.”

They left; Takoda first without a backwards glance, then Odahingum.  Just before he let the doorway fall closed behind him, he chanced a last glimpse of Koko Kanti and what he saw was heartbreaking.  Her shoulders were stiff, her breathing carefully measured and her face devoid of any real expression.  But he could see the trail of a single tear coursing down her face and wondered at the folly of youth.  Surely Koko knew what needed to be done; why was she so resistant to it?  Then he shook his head and left her in solitude and silence.

Koko knew Odahingum was looking at her, and it took every last measure of restraint not to shout and curse at the man.  But the situation she currently found herself in the middle of was no one's doing but her own and she was honorable enough to admit that.  It didn't mean it hurt any less or make it any easier to have to reckon with, but then, she supposed that was life.

Koko pushed the blanket away from her, wincing when the cold air hit her naked skin.  She didn't think she had any fever or infection left, but even her skin hurt at this point.  Still she had a responsibility to fulfill and with much lip-biting and muffled groans, Koko Kanti finally managed to clothe herself and stand.  She wished for some other type of clothing to wear – the white man's clothes were rough and abrasive, but they were all she had... she would make due.  Koko moved slowly towards the pile of things she'd dumped from her saddlebags and reached beyond it for her guns.

Then she saw it and stopped cold – it was the carefully crafted chest protector she'd worn into every battle faithfully until the day she'd left the People to go live in the white man's world.  She'd refused to desecrate it or what it meant to her by using it there.  No one was worthy of such intimate knowledge so she'd packed it carefully away and locked the memories away with it.  She'd stood on her own two feet and until now she'd been all right.

A soft knock on the flap brought Koko's head up and she glared before she heard Litonya's soft voice.  "Koko Kanti, may I come in?  I have something for you I think you will appreciate."  She didn't want to... she really didn't.  But her mother had raised her better and Koko knew in her heart that Litonya had a great deal to do with her being healed.

"Come," she beckoned and reached again for her guns.  Her motion was brought up short by Litonya placing a hand on her arm.

"I saw the damage done to you, Koko Kanti; I know how badly you hurt.  Here," she added, extending her other hand and offering Koko a set of soft leathers.  "These were to be yours anyway.  Your mother began them and Donoma was working on completing them when you left."  She cleared her throat awkwardly.  "She finished them just before her sixteenth cycle.  But you never came home for her to give them to you.  I think it is time they were yours."

Koko accepted them hesitantly, holding up the shirt.  She gasped at the intricate beadwork that covered it – this had been a shirt for celebration... the birth of a child, becoming a warrior, or a joining, her mind supplied.

"I cannot accept these, Litonya," with regret in her voice and eyes.  "These were meant for happiness and joy... for a warrior that no longer exists.  I will not defile their meaning by wearing them into battle with scum such as these men.  They do not deserve to look upon such.  And I cannot wear them anyway.  As Takoda so rightly pointed out – I am the one who walked away.  You should no longer have such consideration for me."

"This is as much about Donoma as it is about you, Koko.  She and Rachel created these for you; they do nothing for anyone else."  She dropped the pants on the floor with a curl in her lip to show her disdain.  "Do with them what you will, Koko Kanti.  That does seem to be what you are best at.  Maybe one day you will wake up and realize that you are deliberately throwing away the Great Spirit's most precious gift."

Litonya turned and stalked from Koko's home without a backwards glance, her shoulders stiff and unyielding in her anger.  Koko watched her go then with a groan she slipped back to her knees slowly.  She carefully took the leather and folded it neatly, sighing with regret at missed opportunities. Then Koko tucked it into the bottom of a saddlebag and reached for her gun belt.

She grunted as she stood up, breathing deeply, willing away the pain she felt in her body and in her soul.  Another knock on the door made her growl; surely Odahingum and Takoda had understood her request for privacy.  Angry that they were knowingly ignoring her appeal to their honor, Koko strode to the flap and thrust it aside to find Honaw staring back at her with wide, understanding eyes.  The fury in hers died and she stepped back, allowing him admittance into her home.  Then she turned back to her saddlebags and eased down to complete her repacking.

Honaw didn't speak... not yet – his presence was enough.  He knew Koko would speak when she was ready; his only fear was that she would never be.  There seemed to be a method to her madness and Koko picked and chose items with deliberate care before placing them in one bag or another.  Honaw watched as she slowed and caressed the more personal items – things that evidently meant a lot to her.  But when she reached for the chest protector with trembling hands, Honaw finally stepped forward.

"This is not for putting away, Koko Kanti.  The time has come for you to reclaim your place in this tribe and in Donoma Chepi's life.  Nothing will proclaim your return home more decisively than for you to resume your role of her protector."

Koko crumpled it and stuffed the beadwork chest guard thoughtlessly into the top of the bag, then stood to face him with a pained rage in her eyes.  "It has been made clear to me that is no longer my place, Honaw – that my services are neither required nor wanted.  I agreed to lead the warriors to destroy the threat I inadvertently brought to the People I was once able to call family.  I will then say goodbye to Donoma Chepi before I take my leave from this place for good."

"Why, Koko Kanti???  Surely you know...."

"I know that I will not stand between Donoma and her destiny, Honaw, but I cannot stay and watch that destiny play out.  That is more than I can bear!"

Honaw scrunched his eyebrows in frowning thought.  Certainly Koko was not that dense.  "Koko, what are you talking about??  You are that destiny.  You have to know that!"

"I am not going to discuss this with you, Honaw.  Donoma Chepi has so much love to give.  I will not keep her from finding the happiness she deserves to have because of the misplaced loyalty and promises of a child!"  She snatched up the bags and gasped as pain ripped through her belly at the action.  Honaw moved swiftly and gripped her by the upper arms, holding her upright until she was stable enough to shake off his grasp.  He shook her just slightly to get her attention, then he removed the saddlebags from her hands.

"Koko, you trusted me once."

She closed her eyes.  "I trusted you always, Honaw – to guard my back when we were warriors together and to protect my Ka’eskone when I could no longer do so."

"Then trust me now, sister of my heart.  Donoma's happiness lies with you.  You did not see the devastation you wrought on her sensitive soul with your leaving, nor did you have to face the darkness that was left behind in her heart.  If you leave again... even if you say goodbye, you will destroy her."

"And what makes you think she still needs me, Honaw – that she still wants me to walk beside her?  I saw the look on her face – she hates me."

"No, Koko.  She is angry – very, very angry, but she has never, ever hated you.  It would have been easier for her if she had.  At least then she would have moved past you and gotten on with her life."

"She never... not with anyone?"

"No, Koko... she never – not that there have not been plenty of offers.  She has always refused to consider any other possibilities and Takoda is content to allow her to make her own decisions in the matter.  Perhaps it is time that you do the same."

Koko didn't move a muscle, but the defeat was apparent in every line of her body.  Honaw took that as his sign and knelt to dig the chest protector from the bag she had shoved it in.  He straightened it with the flick of his wrist, then slid it over her head.  Koko didn't resist when he lifted her arms to secure it on either side.  When he was done, he stepped back from her and gazed into her eyes, suddenly filled with new purpose.

"You look much as I remember, Koko Kanti."

"I am not, Honaw.  I have changed much in the time I have been away from the People.  But I will not let harm come to those I once called family.  Come," she commanded naturally.  "We need to go."

Without direction Honaw lifted the saddle from the ground, glad Aucaman had cleaned the blood from it.  Koko clenched her jaw but allowed him to help her, knowing there was no way she could manage the heavy thing with her injuries.  Then she pushed the doorway aside and gave a loud, piercing whistle.  It served to draw all eyes in the camp to her, but that was not her concern.  The big black came running, stopping and rearing only when he was within a hairsbreadth of Koko.

She let him dance a moment, then reached for his mane.  Black nudged her playfully, then settled down to await her bidding.  She motioned to Honaw who placed the saddle on the horse's back and strapped the girth around him.  Then he flipped the saddlebags over the strong back and waited for further instruction. 

Koko tapped the big black's shoulder and he knelt, allowing her to climb aboard with relative ease.  Honaw stood back and let her go, knowing she had to be strong in front of the warriors she was expected to lead.  Another tap and Black rose to his feet and the entire encampment watched in silence.  Then Keez rode forward on his pony, negligently aiming his bow in her direction.

"Who are you... and what gives you the right to lead – the right to wear such armor?"

"I owe you no explanation, Keezheekoni.  I am here to defend the People I swore allegiance to... to protect them from an evil I unwittingly brought to them.  Now either stand beside me or stand behind me, but get out of my way.  I have a debt to pay."

"And the armor?"

"Is none of your business," Koko flared. 

"You dare??" he asked with a raised eyebrow as he cocked the bow.

"Try me," she insisted.  "I have nothing left to lose."

"Very well, but when we return victorious...."

"It will still be none of your business.  Now it is time to ride and find the men that threaten your wives and children... that threaten your homes and your way of life.  Who rides with me?" Koko asked in a loud voice.

The warriors cheered and without another word she headed out in the direction Donoma had gone not very long before.  The rest followed closely, Honaw at her right side as he had always been.  Only Keez lagged behind, shrugging his shoulders at his father.  He had done what he could but they were no closer to knowing Koko's intentions than before.  Odahingum nodded and Keezheekoni urged his horse forward, not wanting to miss a minute of Koko Kanti's triumphant return.

The rest would wait until their victory was secure.


Chapter XIV

Donoma reached the place where she had been on her quest nights before.  She sat still on Dapples and closed her eyes, breathing in what should have been peace.  But something disturbed the tranquility of the place and her brow furrowed.  So instead of stopping they pushed on to a semi-hidden dell that held very mixed memories for her. 

When Kya recognized where they were headed he placed his hand on her arm, causing her to stop and look back at him.  "I know where you are going, Ka’eskone.  Let me ride ahead and make sure it is safe.  Something is out of place and I will not be responsible for it hurting you.  Once I am certain everything is as it should be, I will take my place here to watch."

Donoma nodded her agreement, knowing Kya was here at Takoda's bidding and admitting to herself that something was not right.  Whether or not it was her or her surroundings remained to be seen, but if Kya felt it enough to be concerned she would allow him to take precautions.

So she closed her eyes and extended her senses while Kya rode ahead to check the little glade itself.  In a few moments he returned, satisfied there was nothing hidden in the tiny space other than what naturally belonged there.  Then he turned his horse out towards the plain to watch for trouble while Donoma slid from her mare and walked down the slight decline and out of sight.

She spread the blanket she had brought with her and then collected chips for a fire, clearing bits of grass from the obvious fire pit.  Then she started a fire and closed her eyes, hoping to clear her mind.  It had been a very hard and emotional few days and she needed to find her balance again.

How long she sat there she couldn't have honestly said.  But she knew when she opened her eyes that it had been a while.  Darkness had fallen at some point as the sun was rising again, but more than that something had changed.  Something was not as it had been when she started her meditation.

Donoma listened carefully – she heard the whisper of the wind; the ripple of the water that trickled along beside her; the snap of the fire; and the crunch of horses chomping the grasses around them.  She heard them then let them move past her, knowing there was more.  Then she heard it – the sound of breathing and a heartbeat she knew as well as her own.

She turned and found Koko Kanti kneeling stoically at the edge of the small hill.  She bit her lip, resolved to ignore the warrior despite the chest armor she wore that indicated her status in Donoma's life.  Then she realized Koko was bleeding and huffed - still angry beyond words, but unable and unwilling to let her suffer when she was able to heal the wounds she could see.

Wounds? She wondered, noting they were fresh – some in places they had not been before.  What in the Great Spirit's name had gone on here?  Surely the warriors of the tribe had not challenged Koko to battle?!  They knew better....  Then Donoma rose from her blanket and walked swiftly towards Koko, watching as the other woman tracked her movement but made no effort to rise or greet her.

"What happened?" she asked without prelude.  Koko dropped her eyes and focused on the ground - something she had never done before with anyone... especially not Donoma Chepi.  But there was no way for her to look into those green eyes and say goodbye.

"It does not matter; I came only to say goodbye to you, Donoma Chepi.  I cannot stay here any longer."

Donoma felt her heart break all over again just as it had five cycles before when the woman before her had simply disappeared.  She walked up the hill and saw Kya was gone, then she returned to stand beside Koko.  "You swore to protect me as long as the armor I gave you protected you in battle.  If your word means anything, you must remain until I am ready to return to the tribe."

Koko shook her head.  She had tried to send Kya away, hoping that Donoma might allow her the privilege of chosen warrior once more.  She did not realize he only went far enough to collect Donoma’s medical kit after having witnessed the obvious injuries on Koko’s body.  Despite her insistence, there was really nowhere she wanted to be than beside her Ka’eskone again.  This was her first effort to do as Honaw suggested and see where Donoma's choice in the matter might lie.

"When I swore to protect you, there were no conditions.  I will remain until you are ready to leave."

Donoma nodded – not that Koko could see the action.  Her gaze remained locked on the hands that rested on her knees.  Donoma stepped closer and gently cupped the bruised face, the action distinctly different from the harshness in her voice and the fire in her eyes.  "We may be here a while," she insisted.  "We will not go back until I know why you left and why you returned.  But first we need to care for your injuries again.  Now tell me what happened to undo all the healing I have already done."

Koko didn't move or speak, content to absorb the look and touch she had not felt upon her in far too long.  Then without warning she was up and moving, pushing Donoma behind her and moving up the hill with the grace of a panther before Donoma could question her actions.  Then Kya was standing in front of them, held by the throat until Donoma made it up the slight incline to convince Koko to release him.

"It is all right, Koko Kanti.  This is my hestatanemo Kya... you remember Kya."

Koko nodded but frowned.  "He was sneaking."

"He did not want to disturb my meditations.  He brought supplies so I can heal you, but you need to let him go first.  He will not hurt us, Koko.  He simply wants to drop the bundle he brought and be on his way," Donoma assured her with a pointed look in Kya's direction; he caught her expression and nodded solemnly.  Then he offered Koko the bundle he still held.

She dropped her hand from his throat and accepted the cache he offered, checking it carefully before handing it to Donoma.  At her nod Kya turned and left again, content to return to his watch post outside the tiny dell until Donoma dismissed him.  He didn't honestly think Koko would endanger his sister, but he had promised Takoda to keep watch.

"Come," Donoma commanded extending her hand.  "Let me repair the damage that has been done to you while you explain to me how it occurred."  Koko shook her head and would have returned to her place at the edge of the glade had Donoma not drawn her up short with a firm grasp on the chest plate.  Koko could have easily escaped the hold, but not without hurting Donoma or destroying the armor so she froze in place and waited.  "Look at me, Koko Kanti."  Then Donoma waited until blue eyes slowly tracked to green.  "Let me make something perfectly clear to you, Warrior."  Koko blinked but didn't remove her eyes from Donoma's.  "I am still very, VERY angry with you... furious in fact.  I do not know if I will ever get past that; it has been stirring in me for a long, long time.  But regardless, I am a grown woman now... not some child you need to dissimilate the truth for.  From now on when I ask you a question, I expect you to answer me honestly – not evade replying or remaining silent.  I am making the choices for me now, not you. Do we understand one another clearly?"

"Yes, Ka’eskone."

Donoma drew in her breath sharply at the familiar address; it had always been like a warm blanket being wrapped around her heart when Koko had called her such.  She peered at Koko but found she was staring at the top of the dark head.  "Koko," she said softly, drawing her head up so their eyes met once more.  "I am angry, but I do not hate you.  I could never hate you.  Please stop looking away from me."

"Ka’eskone, I am only showing you the respect due you as a woman from a warrior.  It is not my place to presume that you would welcome that kind of attention from me."

Donoma was genuinely ready to scream in frustration.  "Regardless of your status as a warrior, Koko Kanti, we are both still women and we did grow up together as best friends.  Despite our situation now, formality at this point seems a little bit extreme, do you not think?"

"Nevertheless," Koko insisted, "it is not my place to assume."

Donoma's eyes grew cold.  "Very well... I will not force you to look upon that which drove you from the People.  Now sit and allow me to care for your injuries."

Koko reached out to Donoma, but Donoma deliberately moved away from her touch.  Koko let her hand fall and dropped gracelessly to the ground beside but not on Donoma's blanket.  She winced in agony as the old wound complained even louder than the new and she hoped dearly that she had not ripped out the stitching in her side.

She untied the leather strips that bound the armor together on either side and eased the beadwork gently over her head.  She placed it carefully beside her and turned her attention to unbuttoning her shirt while Donoma scooped a bit of creek water into her small pot and put it in the fire to heat rapidly.  When she turned back to Koko, she gasped at the sight that met her eyes.

Koko's side was bleeding again and she had several lacerations on her arms and one very ugly cut on her neck.  There were also a few more bruises forming that were side by side with the older green ones and what appeared to be a gash on her upper thigh though with the dark cloth trousers on it was hard to be certain.

"Lay down on your back, please," Donoma requested in a cool, civil tone.  "I need to repair the damage that was done to your original injury before I turn my attention to the rest."

Koko moved without protest and lay down, shifting her arm out of the way so Donoma could work.  The seer's touch was light and impersonal and still the goosebumps rose up all over Koko's body.  She cleared her throat awkwardly.  "We went out to defend the tribe against a band of outlaws I inadvertently led here."  She winced when Donoma pushed on the open wound.

"I am sorry, Koko, but it must be done to ensure we do not reintroduce infection into the area."

"I know," Koko admitted.  "It is simply another pain I need to deal with." Then without missing a beat, she continued.  "I had been chasing the gang leader, but he made it to his hideout where he and his men arranged an ambush for me.  I was not supposed to live, but I escaped and I was supposed to be headed to my home.  Instead when I said 'home', Black brought me here."

There was no comment from Donoma except for her urging Koko to sit so she could tie off a bandage around the hole.  Having Koko awake and alert while she was naked was a much different prospect for Donoma and she was working very hard to stay focused.

"Thank you for caring for me, Ka’eskone."

"Please do not call me that," Donoma said softly.  "It should mean something coming from you, and knowing it does not is hurtful for me."

"It means everything to me, Ka’eskone.  Just as you still do."

Donoma clenched her hands tightly together until her nails were cutting into the palms of her fists.  She finished her wrapping and realized that she would not have enough bandages to wrap the others.  But, she acknowledged silently to herself, I can at least clean them.  She took up her cloth once more started wiping the smallest cut first, wanting to make sure they were clear and free of dirt and debris.  She remained intently alert to everything about Koko, but she didn't speak... she couldn't.  She was not going to give up five cycles of anger and betrayal simply because Koko was home and speaking to her as though nothing had changed.  Everything had changed and Koko was going to have to earn her place back in Donoma's heart and soul if that is truly where the warrior belonged and wanted to be.

Koko sighed, but she was beginning to see the course of action she would need to take.  She proceeded to share her story.  "I had managed to kill several of them and wound the rest, but not enough to stop them... only enough to slow them down.  They had to stop and tend to their wounds before they could finish me off and I used the time to escape."

"When Black brought me here, it actually bought me a little time as they headed in the wrong direction for almost two days before they realized I was not where they thought I would be.  That gave me time to heal enough to lead the warriors of the People into battle against them and defeat them soundly."  A beat.  "That is where all the blood and bruises are from."

Donoma nodded and kept her attention on what she was doing.  When she was done with her torso, Donoma directed Koko to remove the trousers she wore.  She kept her focus on the deep gash, wincing at the pain she knew Koko must be feeling, but the warrior had steeled herself against Donoma's touch and didn't flinch when she started cleaning the wound.  Koko put a hand on Donoma's before she could wrap it, causing Donoma to jerk her hand away and Koko to shake her head.

"No, Ka’eskone.  I want to rid myself of the remainder of the battle.  Let me wash away the dirt and grime – then you can decide if a bandage is still warranted."  Donoma nodded curtly and moved away from Koko to start her own morning ablutions with the last bit of warm water.  She deliberately ignored Koko, choosing instead to focus her thoughts on what she had been told.

She never intended to be here; her returning home to me... to the *People*... was nothing but a mistake, Donoma realized sadly.  She never planned to come back and is going to leave as soon as she is well enough to travel away from here.

Donoma finished washing her face and straightening her hair, then moved back to her blanket to sit.  All of the peace and tranquility she had achieved in her meditation the night before was gone, and left in its wake was heartache and confusion.  Her shoulders slumped momentarily, then she deliberately straightened them and closed her eyes.  She didn't even notice when Koko Kanti emerged from the creek and paused beside her before moving back to the guardian position she had been in.

Koko dried off as well as she could with her clothing, then searched through her bags for a suitable bandage to tie off her leg.  When she came across the leathers Litonya had given her, she hesitated, then slid into them carefully.  If she was going to lose Donoma for good it would be because that is what Donoma chose and not what she herself had forced on them this time.

The leathers were soft and comfortable and felt like home in a way white man's clothing never could.  It didn't hurt that they were warm as well, cutting the cool spring wind and creating a barrier Koko could appreciate.  Satisfied she had done all she could at the moment, Koko resumed her place on her blanket and kept watch while Donoma continued on her spirit quest, putting the pain of her injuries to one side and forcing herself to stillness so she could listen as she hadn't since she'd left.

Once it was silent, she heard the Great Spirit's voice inside her head as clearly as if he had been sitting beside her.  Koko knew if she closed her eyes, she would find the spirit of her father next to her.  To his daughter, Honiahaka was the embodiment of spiritual guidance.  It had always been so even before he died.  That conviction only became stronger after his death.

"What do you seek, my Nahtona?" the warrior asked Koko as she sat in silence watching Donoma Chepi struggle for answers.  "Why have you come to this place?"

"I seek nothing, Neho'e.  I am here simply to fulfill a promise to my warrior advisor and her People.  When this task is complete, I will leave if that is what my Ka’eskone desires."

"That may be the truth, Koko Kanti, but it is not the entire truth; do not delude yourself into thinking it is.  What do you seek, Nahtona?  What is it that you desire?"

"I wish to mate with Donoma Chepi, Neho'e, but that choice is no longer mine to make."

"Then perhaps you need to show her your desire, Nahtona.  She believes you left because you could no longer abide her presence.  It was the only conclusion she could make given the facts she had in hand.  You are going to have to rebuild her trust in you – begin again as if everything was new once more."

"And if she still does not accept that I want to bond with her as a mate?"

"Then you will be no worse off than you are now, and you can return to the life you have created for yourself in the white man's world.  You have nothing to lose, Koko Kanti... and everything to gain."  Honiahaka paused a moment and let his gaze follow Koko's to the visage in front of them.  "She is a beautiful young woman, Nahtona, and a most desirable choice as a lifebonded companion.  Do not let your pride keep you from pursuing her if it would bring you happiness."

"It must make her happy as well," Koko insisted.  "And I am not sure my presence does that any longer.  Besides, I must return to the world of outlaws and bounty hunters soon.  I have work that must be tended to.  I do not think Donoma would be so willing to follow me there."

Without warning Honiahaka became visible to Koko and his brown eyes burned red fire.  "You said it was her choice, Koko Kanti!  How can she make a choice if you do not give her the option to choose?!"

"Neho'e...."

"NO, Koko Kanti!!  This is about you and your honor, but there is more to it than that and you know it.  Why are you so afraid to be happy?"

Blue eyes stared at Honiahaka sullenly for a long moment before Koko dropped her gaze to the ground and shrugged.  Then her father grasped her chin firmly and brought Koko's eyes up to meet his.  "No, Nahtona.  I raised you better than this.  I taught you to stand up and fight for what you believe in.  Now either you tell Donoma the truth and let her choose, or you tell Donoma the truth and claim her.  Either way the time has come for you to make the truth of your feelings known to her.  Stop cowering in fear over what might happen and take the chance to live a little.  You might find happiness."  He blew out a frustrated breath.  "Nahtona... give her the choice."

Koko's shoulders sagged but she finally nodded her agreement.  "I will do as you say, Neho'e."

He patted her knee.  "That is my Nahtona.  Thank you, Koko.  You will see that I am right."  He rose from his place beside her and she reached out and caught his hand.

"Can you not remain a little while, Neho'e?  I have missed you and your guidance so much."

Honiahaka covered her hand with his and squeezed it gently.  "I am never far away, Nahtona, and I always hear when you speak to me.  But I must return to the land of my fathers – your Nahko'e is waiting for my arrival.  However, if you need me I will visit you again."  He paused and then smiled at her.  "You and Donoma Chepi have our blessing, Koko Kanti."

"Thank you, Neho'e.  Tell Nahko'e...."

"She knows, Nahtona, as do I.  Be happy, Koko Kanti.  You deserve that." 

"I will try, Neho'e.  I give you my word as a warrior."  Honiahaka brushed a kiss over her bowed head and when Koko finally looked up, he was gone.


Chapter XV

Donoma felt herself finally settle as her breathing evened out and she shut out all the extraneous noise around her.  She lost all sense of time as she waited for her vision to clear, hoping beyond hope that the Great Spirit would allow her to finish her vision quest.  A touch on her head caused Donoma to slowly open her eyes to find Rachel's compassionate blue eyes staring back at her.

"Rae'l?" she asked in surprised recognition.  "What are you doing here?"

Rachel shifted a little closer, then sat down cross-legged and reached for Donoma's hand.  "The Great Spirit sent me to check on you, Donoma Chepi.  There has been a great deal of turmoil surrounding you lately and we are concerned."

Donoma pulled her hand from Rachel's grasp and clasped hers tightly together in her lap.  Her eyes shuttered, leaving Rachel only the barest glimpse of the child she had known in the beautiful, stubborn young woman now sitting in front of her.  "There is no need for you to be concerned, Rae'l.  Everything is all right."

"Is it really, Ka’eskone?  I sense much anger and confusion in you."

"I have been angry for a long time, Rae'l.  It is nothing to concern yourself with," Donoma reiterated.

"I think it is, Donoma," came Rachel's mild rejoinder.  "It is time you let go of the anger you have held in your heart for my Nahtona and focus instead on all the good you shared together before she...."

"Before she left me?  Before she walked out of my life and the lives of the People without a word of explanation or even a goodbye??"  Green eyes glowed in their ire.  "I do not think you understand what you are asking of me, Rae’l.  I took care of her... healed her in spite of my anger and everything... only to discover that her return was nothing more than a mistake.  And she is completely unwilling to talk to me and tell me her reasons for doing so.  You are asking me to be a bigger person than I am, Rae’l."

"I do not think so, Ka’eskone.  I think you want someone to give you permission to release the anger that has held you captive for so long.  I am doing that – I am telling you it is time to give up the anger and darkness in your heart.  Koko only did what she thought was best...."

"What she thought!!!" Donoma flared.  "She did not bother to speak to me – not to talk about her decision nor to ask my advice.  In everything else we were always open and honest, but in this....  It made me feel as though she had lied to me all those years; that I was simply a child to be humored and not the advisor she claimed that I was."  Her fury was evident.

Rachel knew there was little she could say to Donoma that wouldn't come across as patronizing to her or as a protective mother.  She reached out again, glad that Donoma did not flinch away from her touch.  She stroked the blonde hair for a few minutes, formulating the best way to reach Donoma.  Finally... "I want to ask a favor of you, Ka’eskone.  I want you to talk to Koko Kanti about this – be angry at her if you need to be.  I think she deserves a little of your anger at least.  But she deserves it from you face-to-face, Ka’eskone.  She cannot give you her side of things if you are unwilling to hear what she has to say."

"I was willing, Rae’l.  She refused.  She intends to leave again."

"Then it is up to you to prevent that, Donoma.  Make her stay and listen."  Rachel paused and drew a deep breath, feeling her way cautiously.  "Donoma... Ka’eskone... what do you want from her?"

Green eyes welled with tears though Donoma didn't allow them to fall.  "I do not know anymore, Rae’l.  I only wish it did not hurt so much."

"Then maybe you should consider which would hurt more – insisting that she stay and talk to you or allowing her to leave without explanation.  But if she comes to talk to you, Child, I ask that you listen to her with an open heart and mind.  It is possible that she did what she did for the right reasons even if it ended up being all wrong.  My nahtona loves you, Donoma, as she always has done.  Please do not hold that against her."

"I wish I could believe that, Rae’l... I really do.  But I have lived the past five cycles knowing that she did not love me enough to talk to me or to say goodbye.  I sincerely doubt there is much love in her heart for me.  However," Donoma continued before Rachel could protest, "if she chooses to speak to me before she leaves once more, I will do my best to listen to what she has to say and judge it fairly."

Rachel nodded.  It wasn't the unequivocal support she was hoping for, but under the circumstances....  "That's the best I can ask, Donoma.  Thank you."

"You were always so good to me, Rae’l.  It is the least I can do to repay some of your kindness."

"You were a joy to my heart, Donoma.  I always blessed the day the Great Spirit led you to us."  Donoma bowed her head and blushed profusely; Rachel smiled and stroked her hair.  "Do not be embarrassed, my young friend.  One day... one day you will know the difference you made in my life and the life of my nahtona.  Until then I want you to know that you retain a special place in my heart."

"As you do in mine, Rae’l."

Rachel smiled lovingly at the woman she had always considered a second daughter.  "I must go now, Ka’eskone.  Honiahaka is waiting for my return to the land of his fathers, and I do not want him to worry because I am gone for too long.  But if you ever need to speak to me, I will be listening for your call.  Be strong, Donoma Chepi.  Your life is going to take an interesting turn very soon."

Donoma looked up then to ask Rachel what her cryptic words meant.  But there was no one there.  Donoma closed her eyes again, hoping to stave off the headache she could feel coming on.  Rachel had given her much to think about – the question was what did she want to do?

************

Aucaman rode up to where Kya was seated on his mount, eyes wary and alert.  "Anything?" he asked without preamble.

"No," Kya replied shortly, not willing to share Koko's lightning reflexes against him with anyone – for Donoma's sake as much as his.  Despite the victory she had just led the tribe to, Koko's standing in the community was uncertain, and she and Donoma needed to work things out alone one way or another before action was taken against her.  If word got round that she had lain hands on him... well, her defense would be that she was protecting Donoma.  And that would only be enough if Donoma forgave her.

"Are you sure they are all right?  Maybe I should check...."

"Do not, hestatanemo," Kya cautioned with a hand on Aucaman's shoulder.  "Though I do not think Koko would react with malice, she would respond to you as a threat to Donoma's safety.  Donoma was tending to Koko Kanti's wounds – I delivered her kit myself."

Aucaman nodded.  Donoma would have sent Kya away if she was tending to the damage done by the white raiders.  Despite her obvious upset over Koko's actions five cycles ago, she was very protective of the image Koko worked to achieve.  "Do you need me to relieve you, Kya?  You have been here for quite some time."

"I am fine, Aucuman, but perhaps you should let Neho'e know it might be a while.  I believe Donoma Chepi intends to find the answers she seeks from Koko Kanti before she allows either of them to leave this place."

Aucaman's eyes widened.  "That could be a very long time, hestatanemo."

Kya sighed.  "I know.  Two more stubborn People were never born."

"I will bring you back something warm to eat.  And we will decide what to do after you have eaten."

"It would be appreciated," Kya admitted.

"Then I will return shortly."

Kya watched Aucaman out of sight, then turned his focus back to the plains that surrounded them, wishing that soon Donoma and Koko would emerge from the dell that currently hid them.  Once they had things settled between them, Kya hoped things would return to a semblance of normal life... whatever that turned out to be.

************

Odahingum walked around the perimeter of the encampment.  There was an air of expectation that had long been missing from his People.  Koko Kanti's return had changed the very atmosphere around them and everyone seemed in a better frame of mind than they had for a long time.  Takoda caught up with him when he was about halfway around and they stood together watching Aucaman return to them at a steady pace.  He jumped to the ground as he reached them, patting the pony on its hindquarters to send it back to the herd until he was ready to leave again.  Takoda lifted a brow in question.

"I told Kya I would bring him some hot food and then we could decide how to proceed.  He seems to think that this could take a while; that Donoma will not permit either of them to leave until she finds satisfaction in Koko's answers to her questions."

Odahingum covered his eyes.  "They do realize that with the coming of the first Chinook, we leave the winter camp to follow the herd?  That we are already behind?"

"I do not think Donoma Chepi is concerned about that, Honored Chieftain.  Besides, having seen Koko Kanti fight as she did only hours from a sickbed, I believe Ka’eskone could not be in better or safer hands.  No matter why she left, Koko will not leave Donoma unprotected while she is here."

"I do not think Donoma will allow Koko Kanti to be anywhere she is not at this point, Odahingum, but what happens once she finds the answers she seeks remains to be seen.  It would be better if we were some distance away.  It will force them to resolve this on their own."

Odahingum nodded his agreement to Takoda's words.  "Very well," he said.  "Tomorrow we strike the tents and follow the herd towards the open plain.  They will catch up with us or they will be here when we return for the cold season once more."  He turned to Aucaman who was waiting patiently.  "Tell Honaw and Keezheekona to dismantle Donoma Chepi's and Koko Kanti's dwellings and deliver them to just beyond where they are now.  Then you go fetch Kya and bring him home.  There is much to be done in preparation for our move."

Aucaman bowed his head slightly in acknowledgment.  "I will do as you say, Honored Chieftain.  I am certain there will be plenty of hands willing to help," he added before continuing on into the encampment.  Soon there was a lot of activity as Litonya oversaw the packing up of both Donoma's and Koko's personal possessions and the young men started to disassemble the homes. 

Odahingum and Takoda watched the activity for a while before turning back to look at one another.  "I hope this works," Odahingum commented.

"I think it will," Takoda said.  "I have a good feeling."  Then they resumed their walk around the perimeter, breathing in the cool spring air with a sense of satisfaction.  Today had been a good day – tomorrow would be better.

************

Koko sat quietly listening to the sounds she had missed for five long years as she let her mind wander.  Slowly she was shedding the persona of Reb Stone and returning to the roots she knew as Koko Kanti.  She sighed silently, wondering if that pursuit was a particularly wise one.  No matter what happened or not between her and Donoma, the truth was Koko had another life now.  Did she want to abandon everything she had achieved to return to the People?  Would Donoma be willing to come with her if she didn't?

Koko shook her head in frustration.  She had never had so much trouble listening before.  She consciously cleared her mind, allowing no thought except for the sounds she could hear around her.  There was the wind, a constant on the Plains; the rustle of grass; Donoma Chepi's breathing and the heartbeat that thumped in time with Koko's own.  At the back of her listening just inside her hearing range, Koko heard the sound of horses moving rapidly toward them.

Without hesitation Koko moved swiftly and silently to her feet, jumping onto the rise to see Kya riding towards the intruders slowly.  Even from this distance, she was able to recognize Honaw, Keez, Aucaman and the other couple of warriors were familiar but not so much that she could put a name to the face.  Didn't really matter – she knew they were part of Odahingum's tribe.  She watched as they started to unload something from behind the packhorses until Honaw looked up and caught her fierce gaze.  He called a halt to the activity and rode over to where Koko was standing with her arms crossed over her chest.

"Koko Kanti," Honaw greeted with a nod of his head.

"Honaw," she returned with a brow arched in question.

"Odahingum has decided to move the tribe; it is past time to begin following the herd.  The Chinook has begun to blow."

"Several days ago as a matter of fact.  Why did you not move then?"

"Donoma insisted we stay put until her vision quest was over."  Honaw sighed.  "Everyone believes you are the answer to her search... everyone except Donoma.  She refuses to see what the Great Spirit has done in this instance, but Neho'e assured Odahingum it is time to go.  You are here to protect her now.  We have brought your homes and belongings by his command."

Both brows flew straight up into her hairline.  "Excuse me?"  Honaw sighed, wondering why he always got stuck with this sort of assignment.  He took a deep breath, but Koko waved her hands to stop his explanation before it could start.  "I understood what you said, Honaw.  I just cannot comprehend the reasoning behind it."

"Takoda believes that Donoma will not allow you to be anywhere she is not at this point... at least until she finds the answers she seeks from you.  He thinks it would be better if we were some distance away, forcing you to resolve the situation on your own."

"I see," Koko said calmly.  "In that case, I would like you to place them in the dell.  Come with me and I will show you where."

Honaw signaled to the rest of his band, then jumped from his horse and followed Koko back down the incline.  He hoped Donoma would ignore them until he was gone.  He had no desire to face her wrath after the last few days.  Personally he would be glad to be far away from the two of them when everything came to a head.

************

Litonya didn't say anything as she and her daughters-in-law packed up first Koko Kanti's possessions and then Donoma Chepi's.  But as soon as they were finished and had returned to their own homes to take care of their own preparations, Litonya turned to Takoda with questions in her eyes.

"Takoda, what are we doing?  Why are we leaving the two of them out here alone without the protection of the tribe?  Have you seen...?"

He wrapped his arms around her in comfort and Litonya snuggled into his embrace; it had always been this way between them and Litonya sighed in contentment.  Takoda ran his hands gently over her arms and back, then kissed her head before he spoke.

"I have, Litonya.  Late last night after Koko left to follow Donoma on her spirit quest.  What happens now is between the two of them.  There is nothing more we can do and our continued interference will do nothing but ensure Donoma's stubborn behavior.  To that end we will leave.  They are both well aware of the habits of the People; they know how to find us if and when they decide to rejoin us."

Litonya lifted her head to look Takoda in the eyes.  "You do not think they will?"

He shrugged.  "I do not know," he replied honestly.  "I cannot see clearly on much involving the two of them," he said with a wry tone.  "I know it is a possibility given that Koko Kanti does have another life out in the white man's world.  She may choose to return to it.  Donoma could choose to return with her or she could decide to stay here and be miserable alone.  Or Koko could decide to return to the fold of the People and resume her life among us, Litonya.  I do not know what will happen – I only know what I see as options for the two of them.  Odahingum assures me that is the best I will get in regards to the two of them because they are my nahtonas and the Great Spirit will not give me insight where they are concerned... just like any other parent."

He felt Litonya shake with laughter within the circle of his arms and smiled sympathetically.  Then she shifted in his embrace so she was sitting up next to him yet still had his arms around her.  "Well, if they do not get things settled between them to my satisfaction, I will exercise my prerogative as their Nahko'e and do something drastic.  The tribe cannot continue to live with Donoma's darkness... not when her chance for happiness is right here waiting to be claimed.  I will not permit her stubbornness to be a deterrent to that end."

Takoda squeezed her tightly, then ran his hands over her arms again in a comforting manner.  "We cannot interfere in such a manner, Litonya.  It must be their decision for better or worse."

"You think so, Takoda?  Just try me.  I have been patient with these two long enough."  He gazed at her lovingly, then shook his head in humored dismay.  "I just want them to find the happiness that we have known, Takoda.  They deserve to be happy."

"They do, but it must be their choice, Nutta.  Otherwise it means nothing."

Litonya huffed.  "That is not fair."

"No," Takoda agreed, "but it is life."

"I could do a much better job than they are doing with it at the moment."

Takoda laughed.  "I think we all could, Litonya.  But have a little faith.  I have a feeling things will turn out all right for them in the end.  It just may not be the ending we want."

"You think they will leave the People and return to the white man's world," Litonya said flatly.  Takoda didn't speak aloud though his eyes gave their own answer.  "That will be all right, Takoda, as long as they do so together.  We will deal with the rest as it comes."

Takoda smiled at Litonya and kissed her tenderly.  "How did you get so wise?" he asked when they parted.

"I married a wise man, Nutta.  How could some of that not rub off on me?"  This time when Takoda laughed Litonya joined him.  The rest of the clan wondered at the sound given the week they had just been through, but for the shaman and his wife, it was a respite they needed.  And it was enough.


Chapter XVI

Donoma heard the commotion at the back of the small hill she was sheltered by, but she did not bother to turn around to see what was going on.  Her hearing told her the people making the noise were friendly and that was enough for her.  She knew Koko would take care of any problems that arose.  And at the moment she was trying to find the balance in her soul she so desperately craved.  Her conversation with Rachel had thrown everything out of kilter worse than it had been before, and the turmoil was making her shake from the inside out.

Koko watched Donoma with one eye while overseeing the raising of their homes side by side.  She could see the deep, even breathing and the faintest hint of trembling in the small frame.  Koko wanted to go to Donoma, but had no desire to do so in front of so many witnesses.  What was between them was private, and Koko intended to keep it that way if she could.  A look in Honaw's direction showed her that the warriors were nearly done with their assembly and would soon be ready to leave.

Keez and Kya brought down the possessions – bedding for Koko since she already had her saddlebags; more personal possessions for Donoma.  They placed the items just outside the doorway, assuming correctly that both women would prefer to put their own stuff away.  Then the warriors nodded to Koko to indicate the completion of their task and their readiness to leave.  She nodded back in thanks and dismissed them.  Only Honaw lagged behind.

"You know the path we follow, Koko Kanti, but there is no expectation for your return."  He paused to swallow.  "I wish you much success in your endeavor.  It will be good to see you both whole once more."

Koko would have commented, but Honaw did not give her a chance.  Instead he turned and disappeared up the hill, mounting his horse and leading his fellow warriors back to the encampment.  Tomorrow they would follow the herd away from the winter camp.

Koko looked at the belongings and back at Donoma.  The shaking seemed to have stopped for the moment so she decided to put things away.  Hers was easy – the furs for her bedding went down quickly though not without some effort and a good deal of pain.  She breathed for a long moment, willing the pain to the back of her mind to deal with later.  Then she placed the saddlebags on the other side of the space and stepped back out to take care of Donoma's things.

Bedding first again... mostly because the sky was rapidly becoming overcast.  She dropped it rather haphazardly, planning to straighten it after the rest was brought into the dry tent.  Koko went back out and grabbed up the remainder of Donoma's possessions, groaning aloud against her will when pain shot up her side again in a sharp, blinding wave.

From her position on the ground, Donoma heard Koko groan in pain and opened her eyes.  She turned back towards where she knew the warrior had been meditating, eyes widening when she saw the changes that had taken place in such a relatively short period of time.  She noticed the storm gathering around her and headed towards her home.  Then she stopped short just inside the doorway, stunned at what she saw.

Koko lay on the floor in a fetal position, her breathing short and shallow and her eyes closed.  Scattered around her were all of Donoma's belongings.  Donoma bit her lip and crossed to kneel beside Koko's head, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder.  Blue eyes fluttered open and Donoma winced in sympathy at the pain she saw reflected in them.

"Turn over for me, Koko.  I need to see what damage has been done to cause you to hurt so badly."  Koko lay still, not moving.  Donoma pushed as easily as she could to roll Koko to her back.  "Nutta... work with me here.  I cannot take care of you if you will not let me.  Please, Koko...."  The rumble of thunder accompanied her words and the roar of rain swiftly followed.

Recognition finally dawned in Koko's eyes and she allowed Donoma to ease her back into a reclining position though she couldn't stop the moan that escaped her lips.  Donoma sucked in a breath when she saw that once again her handiwork had been destroyed and wondered in passing what had caused the injury to start bleeding again.

"We need to remove your shirt, Koko.  Then I need to find a way to close your wound without trying to sew it shut as the stitching obviously will not hold there at the moment."

"Help me stand," Koko whispered as though the effort was costing her greatly.

"Koko, I do not think...."

"Please, Ka’eskone.  I do not want to bleed to death all over my new leathers," Koko joked weakly.

Donoma glared at her.  "I do not want you to bleed to death at all, Koko."  But she stood and offered Koko her hands, bracing herself for the pulling of weight against her deceptively sturdy frame.  It took a bit of effort and grunting on both their parts, but eventually Koko found herself in an upright position.

She loosened the ties around her neck and Donoma eased the shirt over Koko's chest.  Then Koko struggled to get it over her head.  After several long minutes of exertion, she managed to get it over her head and off one arm.  Donoma took over from there and slid it down the other, laying the shirt aside and unwrapping the bloody bandages from Koko's torso.  Before she could do more, Koko's hand on her arm stopped her in her tracks.

"My trousers, Ka’eskone.  Help me remove them as well."

Donoma looked at Koko askance, but the determination in the warrior's eyes convinced her to help first and ask questions later.  "Stand still," she commanded, and loosened the ties at Koko's waist.  Then she knelt and slid the pants down the long legs, tapping each one to tell Koko when to lift.  Koko's hands went to Donoma's shoulders for balance, and soon she was standing in the center of Donoma's tent naked except for the bandage she wore around her thigh.

"Stay here," Koko commanded in a firm voice that was now just above a whisper.  Then she stepped out into the pouring rain and just stood with her arms extended outward and her face turned towards the sky.

She let the rain beat down on her a long moment, rinsing away the blood once more and allowing it to cleanse her... body and soul.  She removed the bandage from her thigh and handed it to Donoma when she extended her hand for it, then turned and walked into her home.  In a moment she was returning with her saddlebags in hand and stepping back into Donoma's dwelling.  Without a word Donoma took Koko's arm and led her to her bed, easing her down and waiting expectantly.

Koko closed her eyes and concentrated on breathing – the whole day had cost her far more than she had to expend and the last was particularly agonizing.  A warm hand on her face caused her to blink open her eyes and Koko was surprised by the compassion staring back at her from bright green eyes.

"What can I do to ease your suffering, Koko Kanti?  My anger aside, I have no desire to see you in such pain."

Koko smiled wanly.  Donoma had never been one to see anyone suffer if she could do something to prevent it.  "This helps, Ka’eskone," covering the hand on her skin.  Koko felt Donoma jerk but she didn't release her hand and gradually Donoma relaxed again.  "But I have something in my bag that will help stem the bleeding without you needing to stitch the skin again or bandage it up immediately.  It is painful, but it is also very effective."

Donoma waited, then finally broke the silence with a sly grin.  "Would you care to loosen your grip on my hand and describe to me what I am looking for or do you expect it to make its way out of your bag to me of its own free will?"

Koko smiled sheepishly.  "My apologies, Donoma.  I do not think my brain is engaged as it should be."  She moved her hand from on top of Donoma's and immediately felt the loss when Donoma removed her warmth from Koko's face.  She looked at Koko expectantly.  "In the bottom of this bag, I think," tapping the one nearest to her, "you will find a small kit.  Inside is a folded paper with a white powdery substance.  Cover the wound with the powder."  Koko lay down and covered her eyes with her hand, waiting for Donoma to follow her instructions.

Donoma dug through the bag carefully until she found the kit, then searched through it for the paper Koko had described.  She sniffed it carefully, then scrunched her nose up as the urge to sneeze became overwhelming.  A taste on her tongue made her pucker up and shake her head.  Then she shook the powder out onto the raw, open injury, watching in fascination as the powder bubbled up.  Donoma heard Koko hiss at the sensation, but otherwise there was no reaction from the warrior.  After a few minutes the bubbling stopped and so had the bleeding.  Donoma sighed and so did Koko.  "Now what?" the seer asked softly.

"Now," Koko groaned and rolled slightly to look out onto the wet but no longer stormy landscape, "I take the wet fur and return to my own home.  If you want another dry piece of bedding, I am afraid you will need to come with me and bring it back for yourself.  I am afraid I have done all that I can and more than I should today."

Donoma glared at Koko and planted her hands on her hips.  "Are you stupid all the time now, Koko Kanti?" her anger clear.  Blue eyes blazed at the insult and Koko would have responded if Donoma had not continued speaking.  "I will not permit you to lie on a wet fur and I will not allow you to leave here to go anywhere... not even to your own tent.  You are not in any condition to be left alone for any reason.  Do I make myself clear?"

Koko bit her lip at the familiarity of it all and nodded, her ire cooled at the true concern and anxiety clear in Donoma's eyes and voice.

"Good," Donoma said after a moment.  "Now I am going to go gather your bedding and bring it over here, then I will take care of finding a place to dry the fur.  Are you dry now?"  Another nod.  "Very well – do not move; I will be right back."

Donoma was indeed back after only a moment, and she took her time setting up Koko's bedding on the opposite side of the fire pit Honaw had thoughtfully made sure was ready for her use.  When she was satisfied it was as comfortable as she could make it, she crossed back over to Koko and laid a gentle hand on her shoulder.  Koko forced her eyes open and faced Donoma.

"Come, my warrior... it is time for you to rest."

Koko didn't answer but her heart swelled.  That was the second time Donoma had used an endearment when addressing her.  There was still a possibility for forgiveness.  First however, she wanted to be well and in her right mind, something she was confident was not possible at the moment.  She rose slowly, leaning heavily on Donoma for support and shuffled to her bed.  Koko dropped the wet fur and eased down as slowly as she could manage, letting Donoma tuck her in carefully.  She closed her eyes when Donoma brushed still wet hair from her face.

"Sleep, Koko Kanti.  It is the best medicine I know."

Koko smiled and was asleep before Donoma could say any more.  Donoma sat beside her watching her breathe for another very long moment before she rose and gathered the wet fur and bandages from around her and headed outside to find a place to drape them to dry.

Then she went back inside and lit the fire Honaw had laid, watching the flickering flame and the warrior that rested on the other side of it.  It looked to be a long night.

************

Koko blinked heavy eyelids open slowly, trying to orient herself.  Her first incoherent thought was attempting to figure out where she was and why she was naked.  Her second thought came as she realized she was alone and by the look of the sun streaming in the open doorway, probably had been for some time.  She blinked again, moving her head slowly as she tried to put all the pieces together, but she was having difficulty deciding what was real and what was imagined.

Koko threw the blanket covering her body off, wincing with the motion and flinching when she saw the raw wound that was scabbing over.  No wonder she felt as though she had been back-kicked by a horse and run over by a wagon train for good measure.  She reached to pull the blanket back into place and groaned at the pain she felt rush through her system.  Donoma was immediately at her side, tucking her in again and checking her for fever.

"Donoma Chepi?" Koko asked, trying to make her mind believe what her eyes were seeing.  She had been dreaming, hadn't she?  But the bullet hole in her side attested to the fact that what she remembered was more than dreams – it was real.  Koko reached out a hand towards Donoma, pleased when Donoma didn't flinch away from her touch.  "Are you real?"

Donoma caught her hand and brought it to her face.  "As real as you are, Koko Kanti.  But you were taken with fever again.  I am going to bring you some broth, then you are going to sleep some more so you can regain your strength.  No more fighting."

"So says my warrior advisor?"

"If that is what it takes, Warrior.  You are not going to undo all my effort to make you whole again by getting sick now, do you understand me?"

Koko grinned weakly.  "I understand, Ka’eskone.  I have missed you, Donoma Chepi."

Donoma didn't answer aloud, but she gave Koko a long, telling look before she rose and headed back out into the sunshine where she had broth on the small fire.  Koko closed her eyes for a moment, and the next thing she knew, Donoma was shaking her awake.

"Can you manage on your own, Koko or do you require some assistance?"

"If you could help me sit up, I think I can eat on my own.  Sitting up is going to be the problem."

"Are you in much pain then?"

"My whole body hurts, Ka’eskone.  But at least I am alive to feel the pain.  I have a feeling I could be much worse off than I am.  What happened?"

"What do you remember?"

"Bits... I am not sure what is real and what I imagined.  But given the hole in my belly, I have to think that most of what I remember is real.  How long has it been?"  They shifted her into a reclining position against Donoma's chest and Koko slowly sipped at the warm broth, realizing instantly how hungry she was, but knowing better than to rush.

"That depends on what you are asking, Koko.  It has been six days since you rode into the winter encampment draped over Black's back.  It has been two days since you led the warriors of the tribe out to defeat the white enemy who did this to you and since Honaw and my hestatanemos brought our homes and belongings into this place and set them up for our use."

"I have been asleep for two days??"

"No, Koko," Donoma corrected carefully.  "You only slept through one day... and two nights," guarded green eyes just barely twinkling.  "And you are going to sleep through at least one more before I let you up out of bed."

"But...." Koko whined, not caring about her warrior image at this point.

Now the green gaze glared.  "Do not attempt to argue with me, Warrior.  I will not allow you to be reckless as my kinsmen did.  You should not have been allowed to chase the white men who followed you.  Honaw and the rest of the warriors could have managed.  And do not tell me you had to lead them, Koko Kanti.  They are perfectly capable; you trained them well."

"It was a matter of...."

"If the word 'honor' comes out of your mouth, I will not be responsible for what happens."  Koko leaned back enough to look into Donoma's eyes to find dead seriousness reflected back at her.  She swallowed hard.

"I am sorry, Ka’eskone.  I am afraid I have caused you much work that should not have been your burden.  I was not supposed to be here; Black was supposed to take me home... to the home I have among the white men.  I never planned...."

"I know, Koko Kanti.  We had this conversation already.  What I do not yet understand is why you left me in the first place.  Nor do I know how long you plan to remain in this place with me before you return to the world of the white man."

"We talked about this?" Koko asked and pushed the remainder of the broth away from her.  Donoma looked into the bowl with a frown until she noted there were only dregs.  She placed the bowl beside her and nodded at Koko.  The warrior frowned, then her vision cleared.  "Oh yes... after you dressed my wounds the first time- before my vision quest when I spoke to Honiahaka.  You were very angry."

"I am still very angry, Koko, but that would never interfere with my care of you.  Donoma's eyes widened.  "Wait... you spoke with Honiahaka?"  She blinked at Koko's nod.  "I spoke to Rae’l."

"I miss my Nahko'e and my Neho'e.  I wonder why she came to you," Koko mused softly.

"She came on your behalf, Warrior.  Perhaps you should think about why she would come to me for you like that," Donoma said as she slid out from beneath Koko's weight.  "However," she added not allowing Koko the chance to respond, "right now, you need to sleep."

"Actually right now I need to go outside.  I have to, Ka’eskone."

"Then you have to allow me to help you, Koko.  Your body cannot heal if you continue to abuse it so."

"I know, Ka’eskone.  I am stubborn... not stupid.  We will move slowly so that we do not injure you or do more damage to me in the process."

"It sounds as though you have been through this before," Donoma said evenly as she braced for Koko's weight against her.

"Never this badly but more than I would like," Koko confessed as she rose to her feet.  They walked slowly to the area Donoma had set aside for a privy and when Koko was done, they moved just as slowly back to Donoma's home.  Koko breathed a sigh of relief when her head finally hit the fur under her head.  "I do not remember it being so hard before."

"It will get better as you heal," Donoma promised, but that was all she said before moving back out into the sunlight.  Koko hardly had time to miss her before her eyes closed and she returned to a deep, healing sleep.


Chapter XVII

The return of daylight caused Koko’s blue eyes to open with a feeling of satisfaction.  She stretched gingerly, glad there was only a residual ache in her bones and pleased at the lack of actual pain she felt in her belly.  All in all it could have been much worse and she knew it; she was glad Donoma had been right about needing rest to heal.  She blinked, trying to clear the sleep from her eyes, then turned her head, noticing Donoma’s tired countenance across the fire.  Koko kept her eyes glued to Donoma’s face as she allowed her knowledge of the last few days to roll through her consciousness. 

She remembered Donoma’s anger and her compassion; she recalled the conversation with her father.  She remembered the men who were chasing her and the warriors that followed her into battle.  Koko remembered everything.  Now she just had to decide what to do about it.  She shifted on the furs and was pinned in place by suddenly piercing green eyes.  Koko smiled, but Donoma merely continued to stare at her.  “Donoma?”

Green eyes blinked and Donoma stretched before sitting up and rubbing her face.  “Koko Kanti,” a cross between a greeting and an accusation.  “How do you feel?”

“Much better actually.  You were right again as usual,” offering another smile.

Donoma’s lips twitched, but she didn’t allow them to crease into a full smile.  “Good.  Do you feel like you could be up for a while then?  I need to air out the tent and wash the illness from it.”

“I could help... or maybe I should go wash the illness from my body,” when Donoma’s eyes grew glacial at the suggestion.

“You will let me help you do that, Koko Kanti.  Until I get a chance to check your injuries and can be sure that things are healed enough....”

“I am not a child, Donoma,” Koko stated firmly and with vehemence.  “I can take care of myself.”

“Not until I give you leave to do so, Warrior.  I am also no longer a child you can make decisions for.  I am a healer who has learned my craft through the blood of my clansmen and the sweat of my own brow.”  She paused and took a deep breath, willing her anger down.  “Warrior, this has nothing to do with everything else that is still between us.  This has to do with my unwillingness to be irresponsible about your care again.”  She rose from her pallet and crossed to Koko’s side, extending her hands down to her.  “Come... let me examine you.  If I am satisfied with your progress, I will allow you the privacy to bathe in while I air out my home.”

Koko accepted Donoma’s hands, easing into a sitting position before rising to her feet.  Donoma released her hands as soon as she was sure Koko was steady on her feet, letting her hands roam impersonally over the rough and smooth sections of skin while she inspected the damage. 

Koko tried to remain unmoving, allowing the different sensations Donoma’s touch was causing to wash past her conscious mind.  She was focused so hard that it took Donoma cupping her face in both hands to bring her back to the present.  Koko looked into green eyes clouded with worry. 

“Ka’eskone?” covering Donoma’s hands only to have Donoma slip free of her grasp.

“You had me worried, Koko Kanti.  You seemed to disappear for a moment.”

“I am sorry, Ka’eskone.  I was trying to clear my mind.”

Donoma smirked.  “I hope it worked.”  Then she turned serious.  “Your wounds look much better, Koko.  I believe you will be all right on your own for a bit of time; just be careful.  You are still likely to be very weak.”

“I will not go far, Ka’eskone.”

Donoma nodded and watched as Koko went back into her home to gather her bits of soap and drying cloth to carry with her to the creek.  When she was out of sight, Donoma went back into her tent and began to drag everything out, intent on taking advantage of the warming sun and fresh air as much as she was able.

In only a few minutes Donoma had everything laid out and the bottom of her home rolled up to allow the breeze to blow through.  She carefully tamped the fire out and swept the ashes from the doorway, scattering them carefully into the wind.  Then she took the furs and blankets that Koko had been treated on and walked down to the creek to give them a good scrubbing, well away from where Koko was bathing.

Washing them was easy... wringing them out to dry was something else again and by the time Donoma had finished with them, she and everything she wore was soaking wet.  She sighed and struggled out of the wet leather.  “Well,” she muttered to herself, “I needed to do this anyway.  I just wish I had brought something to dry off with.”  Then Donoma got down to the business of cleaning herself.

It didn’t take long, but she felt much better by the time she was done.  She spread the wet things on top of the tall grass and having little recourse, padded back to their small camp naked as the day she was born.  Not that being naked bothered her – on the contrary, it was quite liberating.  Yet it still wasn’t something Donoma would have chosen to do in front of Koko.  There were too many things left between them to assume that sort of intimacy.  But there was nothing to be done for it.

So Donoma shook the excess water off her body and walked back into the camp, ignoring the stare she could feel coming from fiery blue eyes before she disappeared into her home to change into the clean, dry clothing she found among her things.

Koko looked down as soon as she realized she was staring, but by then Donoma was out of sight.  She sighed.  This was going to be a lot harder than she thought because Donoma was certainly not the child she had left behind.  Suddenly the fact that Donoma was a woman was coming home to Koko in a very real way.

When Donoma stepped from her home she was combing through her hair, gently removing the tangles with her fingers.  Koko itched for the privilege of doing it herself as she had before, but knew well there were things that had to be settled between them first.  Then perhaps Donoma would consider something more than the friendship they had always known.  Koko remained in her place, facing out from the camp looking towards the west.  There was nothing to see in that direction more than any other, but it afforded Donoma the opportunity to decide when they would speak.

Donoma stood watching the warrior for a long moment.  Her back was ramrod straight and Donoma knew it would be up to her to initiate any conversation between them.  Even if she was misunderstanding Koko’s words from earlier in regards to the deference a warrior showed to a woman, the fact of the matter was she knew how stubborn this particular warrior could be when she made her mind up – her five year disappearance was proof enough of that.  She took a deep breath and came around to stand in front of Koko Kanti, waiting to be acknowledged.

Koko looked at Donoma briefly before dropping her gaze to her lap, giving Donoma the position of power.  For this time what happened would be Donoma’s choice.  Donoma sighed silently – it was impossible to hold onto her anger when Koko reminded her so much of a chastised child waiting for punishment to be meted out.  She took a seat next to Koko but facing her as well.  Then Donoma reached out and cupped Koko’s chin, bringing their eyes back to a level.

Green eyes searched blue for a long time and Donoma wondered at the trembling she could feel through the touch she had on Koko’s face.  Finally....  “The time has come for truth between us, Koko Kanti.  I promised Rae’l that I would offer you another opportunity to be honest with me.  If you feel like you cannot do that, I will dismiss you from my presence and you will no longer be welcome around the campfire of my fathers.”

“Would you do that, Ka’eskone?  Could you do that?”

“I would not want to, warrior mine, but I could if I had to.  I cannot continue on this way.  I have been angry for a very long time... at you, at me, at the world... and it has affected everything and everyone around me.”  She dropped her hand from Koko’s face and would have moved away had it not been for the fact that Koko caught her hand and held on as tightly as she dared.

“I could not bear that darkness, Ka’eskone.  The only reason I survived the darkness I brought between us was because I thought you would find happiness from it.”

Green eyes glowed in their anger.  “How could you think that, Koko Kanti?  How could you believe that your absence from my life would do anything but destroy me??  You were my whole world and you walked away without an explanation!  You left me without saying goodbye!  Do you have any idea what that did to me... what it did to the tribe while I struggled to come to terms with your desertion?  Do you know how angry I became or how impossible it was to use my gift because of it??”

Koko sat quietly, stunned by the anger and passion she could feel flowing from Donoma simply through her words.  She watched in fascination at the play of emotion over her face.  The child she remembered had grown up into a beautiful, passionate woman and Koko couldn’t stop the smile that wanted to cross her face.  That just made Donoma angrier.

“You think this is funny, Warrior?  You think this is a game?”  She jerked her hand from Koko’s... or attempted to.  She was astonished by the gentle strength that suddenly held both of her hands in one of Koko’s and cradled her face in the other.  “Koko Kanti,” Donoma hissed her face flushed red, “remove your hands from me this instant.”

“Not until you give me a chance to explain, Ka’eskone.  Not until you promise to listen to me with both ears and an open heart and mind.”  Koko paused and exhaled softly.  “I was not laughing at you, Donoma Chepi.  I was noticing what a vibrant, fiery woman has become of the child I once knew so well.  It made me smile to remember and to see the changes our time apart has wrought in you.  Despite the bad things that happened, some of the differences are good ones, Ka’eskone.”

Donoma paused to breathe and let Koko’s words wash through her.  “Does that mean you are ready to explain to me the actions of five cycles ago that brought us to this place?”

“It means that I will try, Ka’eskone.  But I will ask you to be patient with me.  This is very arduous for me to share.  Only my Neho’e knows the story and only those parts I chose to share with him.  I would like to share the whole story with you, Ka’eskone, but it may take some time.”

“You have all the time you need, Warrior.  You need only tell me the truth.”

Koko sat still for a long time, gathering her thoughts.  Donoma watched in fascination the myriad of expressions those thoughts took and questioned what caused such pain, such misery to flow over the expressive countenance.  She could not recall there ever having been an occasion for them before Koko left and wondered what she could have missed in her youth and inexperience.

“Do you remember,” Koko said softly at long last, “when we first met?  When you led Takoda to my Nahko’e and me hidden in the hills not far from the summer camp?”  Koko met Donoma’s eyes and waited for her to nod.  “My life changed that day.”

“Both of our lives did, Koko.  You were the first real friend I ever had; the first one who accepted me without question or expectation.  That’s why....”  She broke off, not wanting to regain the hurt and anger she had managed to set aside somewhat to listen to what Koko had to say.

“I realize that now, Ka’eskone, and I am sorry to have unwittingly put you through such distress.  That was certainly not my intention.”  She paused and bit her lip, never losing eye contact with Donoma, needing her friend to see the truth she had to share as well as hear it.  “But I had never met someone like you.  You were bright and spunky and outspoken – something even the warriors of the tribes were not with all their swaggering bravado.  But more than that you looked at me as a friend and a warrior and a protector, and I knew right then that I could never let you down.  And when I made you my warrior advisor and I became your warrior, I found myself committed to your well-being and happiness.”

“As I was to yours, Koko,” Donoma broke in.  “I would have done anything for you.”

“I know, Ka’eskone.  That is why I left.”

Donoma’s brow furrowed in confusion.  “I do not understand, Koko Kanti.  You are making no sense.”

Koko blew out an impatient, frustrated breath.  “Story of my life lately,” she mumbled in English.  Donoma arched her eyebrows, having understood the words even if she didn’t quite get the connotation in terms she recognized.  “I am sorry, Ka’eskone,” Koko apologized again.  “I am having difficulty putting my thoughts into some semblance of order to present them to you logically.”

Donoma took Koko’s hands in hers, chafing the unexpectedly cold hands lightly to restore a bit of warmth to them.  “Try thinking a little less, Warrior, and speak from your heart.”

“Do you remember the day before I left?”

“In very vivid detail, Koko.  For a long time I spent every day going over and over what I could possibly have done to have turned you away from me without a word.  I never did understand exactly what precipitated your departure.”

“Tell me what you remember.”

************

The sun had been warming the earth as spring returned to the land once more.  Donoma breathed in deeply, appreciating the fresh air and the smell of wet, growing things.  She had seen the speculative looks some of the warriors were beginning to cast in her direction now that she had passed her fifteenth cycle, but she put it out of her mind when Koko returned to the camp after her morning drills.  The rest of the warriors were dragging tail behind her, glaring at Koko before collapsing around their various campfires in time for lunch.

“You must have had a good day,” Donoma commented quietly as Koko took a seat at her campfire.  “You are the only one smiling.”

“I did well enough,” Koko said calmly though she couldn’t hide the twinkle in her eyes.  “Well enough that we can spend the whole afternoon together if you would like.”

Donoma almost squealed, but she managed to contain her enthusiasm to a wide grin.  “I would most definitely like, my warrior.  I seem to see you only briefly in the afternoons and again for a few moments in the evenings any more.  I miss you, Koko Kanti.”

“I miss you as well, Ka’eskone.  It feels as though lately everything is conspiring against us to keep us apart.  I miss your counsel and your conversation.”

“I just miss being with you, Koko, even if all we do is sit quietly.”

“As do I, Ka’eskone.  So let us finish eating so that we can have a nice long walk today.”  And they rushed through lunch much to the amusement of Takoda and Litonya.  When they were out of sight and out of hearing, Takoda and Litonya turned and looked at one another solemnly for a long moment before their faces creased into smiles and they started laughing.

“Do you think they will figure it out?” Litonya asked.

“Koko Kanti knows.  I am hoping she will enlighten Donoma Chepi before the suitors start calling.  I do not want to have to fend them off until Koko decides the time is right for Donoma to know the truth of what is between them.”

“How can she not know?  Even those without sight can see it.”

“Maybe because she is too close to the situation, Litonya.  Or maybe because she is afraid of what it will mean... what it will change between them.  It is not something she has discussed with me.”

In the meantime Koko Kanti and Donoma Chepi were out walking among the grasses of the prairie, not sharing conversation except to point out something particularly striking.  Donoma caught Koko’s hand and held on, swinging them gently between the two of them.

“Thank you for spending the day with me, Warrior,” Donoma confessed.  “Nayeli.”

“Do you really, Ka’eskone?  Do you love me?”

“With all my heart, Koko.  I have always been so glad that you came into my life.  You have made such a difference to me.”

“As you did to me.  Maybe one day I can share with you how much.”

Donoma smiled shyly.  “I would like that, Koko.”

************

“The next day you were just... gone,” Donoma concluded as she came back from her memories.  “I never understood what I had done or said to drive you away unless it was my telling you I loved you.  But that had never bothered you before.”

“That never bothered me at all,” Koko confessed quietly.  “It was something I always cherished close in my heart... something I still cherish even if it is no longer true.  But that is not all that happened that day.  Do you remember the rest?”

“I remember Ahanu talked to Takoda about marriage between us and I told Ahanu no. I had no interest in marrying him or anyone else.  I was complete in the life I had.”

“THAT is why I left, Donoma.”

“You left because I was happy so you could make me miserable??”  This time when Donoma pulled away Koko let her go, knowing she needed to get away from her pain and the cause thereof.  “Why would you do that, Nutta?  Did you hate me so much for loving you?”  She turned her back to Koko so the warrior could not see the tears that wanted to spill down her face, but her back was ramrod straight and Koko could no longer bear the anguish she felt rolling from Donoma in waves.

Koko rose from her place slowly, unwilling to make a spectacle of herself by doing any more damage to her body in her haste to reach Donoma.  She walked slowly towards the seer, making sure her steps were heard until she was within touching distance of Donoma Chepi.

She grasped Donoma’s shoulders feeling them stiffen at her touch before slumping in defeat.  Koko slid her arms around Donoma until their bodies were touching.  “No, Nutta.  I left so you could find happiness; so you could have a family and children if that was your desire.  I could not be the one to hold you back from such things.”

Donoma jerked away from Koko, separating them again.  This time when she looked at Koko the fire had returned to her gaze and Koko nearly flinched from the intensity.  “What gave you the right to make such a decision, Koko Kanti?  What gave you the right to choose for me?”

“I loved you, Ka’eskone.  I only wanted your happiness.”

“What about now, Warrior?”  At Koko’s confused look Donoma continued.  “You said that you loved me, Koko Kanti.  What about now?  How do you feel about me now?”

“I still love you, Donoma.  I never stopped.”

“Idiot warrior,” she growled.  “Did you never stop to think that you made me happy – that you were all I needed?”

“Are you saying...?”  Koko’s world spun and her breathing was shallow and fast; she closed her eyes briefly to regain some sense of balance in her body while her mind and heart continued to soar with the implications of Donoma’s words.

“I am saying that we need to sit down and have honest speech between us, Koko.  We need to decide how we feel and what we want to do about it.”  Koko’s knees gave way at the sudden shift in Donoma’s attitude, and Donoma was at her side in an instant.  Koko gazed up at her with a dazed expression and Donoma bit off the grin she could feel forming despite herself.  “First however, I think we should see about having a midday meal.  I do not wish to keep nursing you back to health.”

Koko nodded and rose to unsteady feet.  Suddenly the day looked much brighter.


Chapter XVIII

The two went about their chores silently.  Donoma had wanted Koko to sit and let her take care of getting their lunch, but she could feel the sudden wave of restless energy flowing from the warrior like a tangible thing.  So Donoma sent Koko to check on the horses and asked her to check on the bedding while she was out.  Koko nodded her assent and took off at a slow pace though the air vibrating with electricity all around her made it seem like she was running.

Donoma watched her until she was out of sight and shook her head.  Never in her wildest dreams would she have ever imagined being in this place with Koko and then she stopped cold to wonder why.  Why had she not seen this?  Why had she not known how Koko felt... how she felt... what was really between them??  Wasn’t that what her gift was – being able to see what others could not?

She stood still so long that she never heard Honiahaka's approach and jumped when his hand landed lightly on her shoulder.  She thought of screaming for Koko briefly before she looked closely at him, wondering who the warrior in front of her was and why he seemed so familiar.  Then he smiled.  And Donoma immediately recognized Koko's father for who he was.

He gestured her over to the spot on the ground that had been cleared for sitting and eased her into place before squatting down beside her.  "Because seers and shamen are never allowed to see what the future could be for themselves – only for those around them," he said answering her unspoken question as though he had heard her.  "Hello, Donoma Chepi.  My name is...."

"... Honiahaka," she breathed softly.  "Koko Kanti's Neho'e."  She smiled at him bashfully under his frank appraisal.  "I recognized your smile."

The smile became a grin and then a hearty laugh.  "I wondered why you did not call out for my Nahtona.  You are a very wise woman, Donoma Chepi."

She shook her head, blonde braids falling into her eyes.  "I do not feel very wise at the moment, Honiahaka.  I feel something of a fool."  He arched his eyebrow in a familiar gesture, taking a seat and wrapping his arms around his bent knees.  His attitude was one of patient waiting and Donoma had a feeling he would last longer than she would if they were to play a waiting game.  "How could I have been so blind, Honiahaka?  How could I not have realized...?"

"You alone are not to blame for this situation, Donoma.  Koko bears the brunt of the responsibility for the circumstances you now find yourselves in.  Although her intentions were honorable and with your best interests at heart, she could have handled it better.  But tell me - if she had stayed what would you have done?"

Donoma's brow furrowed.  "I am not sure I understand," she stated honestly.  "Things would have continued on much the same, I suppose."

Honiahaka looked out towards the prairie in the direction he knew his daughter had gone.  "That was killing her, Donoma.  Not physically, of course, but inside.  She left to protect herself as much as she did to give you the opportunity to find happiness with someone who could give you the family she thought you wanted and knew you deserved."

"But why, Honiahaka?  Why leave?  Why did she not simply talk to me?"

"Donoma, I am going to share something with you I will deny to your dying day if you share it with my Nahtona.  Koko Kanti is the bravest warrior I have ever seen and yet when it comes to matters of the heart, she is shy and fragile... afraid of being hurt.  She always cared for you more than she thought she should.  At first she put it down to gratitude and the fact that you were 'differents' together.  Then she figured it was because you were best friends and you hero-worshipped her."  He sighed and looked into trusting green eyes and recognized his daughter's dilemma.  "It got worse when she realized what she felt for you; she became an adult while you were still a child.  She never acted on her feelings... never would have, but she loved you even then.  There was always something between you...."

Donoma nodded.  "There was always something between us – even as a small child I understood that.  I never analyzed it, never tried to explain it in words, but I knew it was there."

Honiahaka nodded.  "Koko could not bear to keep you from finding happiness, but she could not bear to stay and watch you find the happiness that she wanted with you with someone else."

"So she did not talk to me because...."

"Even the bravest warrior has moments of fear, and even the wisest among us sometimes do foolish things for the right reasons.  Her heart was in the right place, Donoma Chepi, even if her mind led her astray.  I know you are angry; I cannot blame you for that anger.  But you should know that she suffered as well during your time apart from one another."

"That does not make me happy, Honiahaka.  Despite my anger towards Koko Kanti, I never wished ill will towards her."

Honiahaka smiled.  "I know; I think your brethren had that covered quite nicely."  He looked around suddenly and rose from his place.  He extended a hand down to her and drew Donoma to her feet.  "It has been a joy and a pleasure to finally meet you, Donoma Chepi.  I can see why my Nahtona desires you for a mate."  He chuckled when her eyes got impossibly round.  "Do not worry, Ka’eskone," addressing her familiarly for the first time.  "You have my blessing and Rae'l's for this union.  Be good to my Nahtona, Ka’eskone.  She may be a stoic warrior on the outside, but she is a caring woman inside.  She will need your strength as well as your love and tenderness."

"You seem so sure, Honiahaka."

"She is my Nahtona, Donoma.  I am.  Now I must go.  Rae'l and I will be nearby if we are needed, but we will not be watching your every movement."  He shook his head trying to rid his face of the blush Donoma could see through his dark skin.    "There are some things that should remain private between the two of you and any number of other things that a parent should never know about a child."

Donoma couldn't help it – she laughed.  And then jumped again when Koko Kanti clasped her elbow and looked at her in concerned amusement.

"Should I be worried, Ka’eskone?" Koko asked, letting her eyes roam over Donoma's features.  "You are standing in the middle of the encampment where I left you and you do not appear to have moved, yet you are laughing for no apparent reason.  Is there a problem?"

For answer Donoma turned and cupped Koko's face gently within her hands, tracing her skin with the lightest touch of her thumbs.  Koko struggled to keep her eyes open against the cascade of sensations Donoma was creating throughout her body.  Quite without her permission, Koko's hands dropped to Donoma's waist and she held on for dear life.

Donoma could no more halt the sharp intake of breath caused by Koko's grip than she could stop breathing completely.  She saw Koko's eyes darken in response and hesitated.  She had never garnered such a reaction in her life – at least not one she was so conscious of.

Koko released the hold she had on Donoma's waist and clasped the hands cupping her face in her hands instead.  "Not yet, Nutta... but soon.  We still have much to discuss."

"But only one thing of real importance," Donoma replied without losing eye contact.  Koko nodded slowly and stepped back a pace, wanting Donoma to be comfortable.  In turn Donoma stepped forward and caught Koko's hand again.  "No more running, Koko.  There is no one but us here, and you have nothing to fear from me."

“Are you so sure of that, Ka’eskone?” Koko asked in a whisper.

“As sure as I am that the sun rises in the east every morning and sets in the west every evening, Warrior.”  Donoma held Koko’s eyes and watched them search her countenance for reassurance.  She knew the identical moment that Koko found the proof she needed; she lifted a shaking hand to Donoma’s face and tenderly traced the features there.

“Are you sure, Ka’eskone?” she asked again, but this time she was asking a completely different question.

“Do you love me, Nutta?  Do you love me with the love one mate has for another?”

Koko shook her head and Donoma’s head dropped as her heart shattered.  Her humiliation was complete.  She released the hand she held and stepped back... or would have had Koko not shifted one hand to the back of her neck and slid the other arm around her waist to hold onto her with gentle strength.

“Ka’eskone, look at me,” she pled softly to the top of the blonde head that shook rapidly.  “Donoma Chepi,” she growled.  “Look. At. Me.”  This was a command and Donoma reluctantly raised her head, biting her lips to keep the tears that sat on her lashes from spilling down her cheeks.  Koko gazed intently at her for a long moment, letting the love and affection she felt roll over them both in wave after wave of warmth.  Donoma blinked in her confusion and the tears rolled off her lashes and onto her cheeks.  Koko leaned down and kissed them away, then moved her lips to Donoma’s ear, speaking so softly it could hardly be considered a whisper.

“Beloved,” she said in English, causing Donoma to start in surprise.  “Nayeli... with all my heart.  But, Nutta – it is beyond the love one mate has for another.  That cannot begin to compare to what I feel for you.”

Donoma pulled back far enough that she could see the truth of Koko’s words in her eyes.  “Tell me, Koko,” she demanded quietly. “Tell me what it is you feel.”

“It is love, Ka’eskone, but far beyond something so basic.  It is soul completion, beloved."

Donoma slid the hands that were trapped between her body and Koko's up and over Koko's shoulders, locking them behind her neck.  "Nayeli, Koko Kanti."

"Nayeli, Donoma Chepi."  Then she gave in to the gentle pressure Donoma was putting on the back of her neck while urging Donoma's body closer to her own with the hands she slid around the slim waist.  Then she bent her head and brushed her lips over Donoma's once... twice... watching as her eyelashes fluttered and finally closed.

With that Koko allowed her eyes to close, absorbing the sensations of the kiss through taste and scent and sound.  She lightly traced Donoma's lips with her tongue, capturing the gasp with a smile and plundering the mouth that opened beneath hers.  Donoma groaned and allowed Koko to have her way for a few moments before she returned the favor, examining every part of Koko's mouth until they were forced to separate for lack of oxygen.  Koko started to speak but found herself pulled back to Donoma's mouth and this time, Donoma took the lead.  Koko just held on for the ride.

When they pulled apart... slowly, reluctantly... Donoma kept her hands wound tightly round Koko's neck and Koko never lost her grip on Donoma's waist.  They simply leaned their foreheads together and breathed one another's air.

“Welcome home, Koko Kanti,” Donoma whispered with a smile.

“I will never go away from you again, Ka’eskone.”

************

They had finally pulled apart from one another, their grumbling bellies making it impossible to concentrate on anything other than the physical hunger pangs that called to them loudly.  They exchanged embarrassed glances then broke into laughter, diffusing the sexual tension they could both feel roiling just below the surface.  Donoma turned to collect the small cache of food supplies from her home, surprised when Koko followed her.

“I need to retrieve my things, Ka’eskone, and move back into my own home for the time being.  I cannot stay here with you any longer.  You deserve better than that.”

“Does this mean you intend to stake your claim as a warrior?”

“I do indeed, Donoma Chepi.  I want there to be no doubt of my claim or my intentions towards you.  I left to give you a chance to choose another; that opportunity is gone.  However, if you do not intend to favor my petition, I ask that you tell me now so I can spare us both the humiliation of rejection.”  Blue eyes twinkled with merriment, but Donoma could see a clear fear of rejection lurking in the back of that gaze.  She cupped Koko’s face in her hands.

“Can you still have doubts, warrior mine?”

“You were very angry, Nutta.”

Donoma nodded.  “Yes, I was.  There are still some things I am upset about... some things we need to talk about.  Things I need to know and things we need to share with one another.  But none of that will stop what is happening between us.  Nothing can stop that except us, Koko Kanti, and I for one do not want to stop.  Do you?”

Koko shook her head vehemently, reminded again at the difference five cycles of seasons had made in Donoma’s demeanor.  The Donoma she remembered, while never shy of speech when conversing with Koko, had never been so sure of herself.  Donoma smiled and Koko couldn’t help but respond in kind.

“Then you only need to know one thing about your claim, Warrior.”  Her eyebrow arched and her eyes twinkled and her lips spread into a wider grin.

“What would that be, Ka’eskone?”  Koko feeling her own smile grow in reaction to the teasing.

“Do not make me wait too long.  I have waited a lifetime already.”

Before Koko could respond, their stomachs growled in hunger once again and she shook her head.  “I think we should at least wait until after we eat something.  Otherwise the entire tribe will come back looking for us thinking we have been run over by a rogue herd.”

Donoma couldn’t help it – she laughed.  Koko had delivered that last bit with a completely straight face and the truth was, she could honestly see that happening. As it was she was still a little amazed at Takoda’s willingness to leave her alone with Koko, given her previous anger – then she wondered if he had seen something she had not.

“All right then... you take your things to your home and I will begin preparing something for us to eat.  Then we will see what comes next... aside from reclaiming the furs and blankets.  With this breeze, it should not take too long... I hope.”

“I will check again after I move my things over.  If I stay around here right now....”

Donoma smiled gently, but nodded her understanding.  “Just be careful, warrior mine.  You are still healing despite how good you feel at the moment.”  She looked at Koko who was dressed in a set of white man’s clothing she hadn’t seen before.  “Though how you can be comfortable in those clothes....”

Koko shrugged.  “I am used to them.  Besides, I am saving the leathers you and Nahko’e created.  They will be for claiming you as mine.”

“Then I will look forward to the day I see you in them again, Warrior. Now go... I have work to do.”  And so they separated to complete the tasks they had set for themselves, comfortable in the knowledge that despite everything, things between them were going to work out.  That was something they both wanted to happen.

Koko picked up her saddlebags carefully and went to her home while Donoma opened the supplies and pulled out the ingredients she needed to start soup.  She headed back out to the fire that needed tending and heard Koko start back towards the small creek where the furs and blankets were drying.  Donoma was thankful she had managed to get water on to heat; with any luck it wouldn’t be long before she had something prepared for them to eat.  She was anxious to feed them both so they could settle down and just talk for a while.  It was something Donoma had missed with aching intensity and then there was the added incentive of wanting to explore this relatively new facet of their relationship.  She smiled when she felt strong arms wrap around her middle and she straightened to lean back into the firm body, mindful that it was still healing.

“I missed you.”

“I missed you, too.  But at least there were no unexpected visitors this time.”

“Excuse me??” Koko sputtered, but stopped when Donoma turned in her arms and put a hand to her lips.

“Your father came to see me, but we can add that to our list of things to talk about.”

“Oooookaaaaay,” Koko drawled thoughtfully, wondering what had brought her Neho’e out into the mortal plane again so soon.  “Um, I think we should move the bedding closer to the camp.  Just in case the weather turns... at least we would be able to drag it inside fairly easily then.”

Donoma nodded, knowing how quickly the weather was prone to change at this time of year.  “Thank you for not doing it on your own, Koko.  You could definitely have hurt yourself and despite my confidence in my abilities as a healer, I do not want to see you suffer needlessly for your pride.”

Koko ducked her head.  “I did think about it, but I knew how disappointed you would be if I was that careless.  The foolishness would have simply made you angry and I would rather not do that any more for a while.”

“The stew should be fine on its own for a few minutes.  Let us go see if we can bring things closer.  I have no desire to sleep on wet bedding tonight.”

“And then we will talk?”

“And then we will talk,” Donoma affirmed.  “We have five cycles of seasons to catch up on.”

Koko smiled.  “I guess we are going to be talking for a while then.  I am glad though.  I have missed it.”

“So have I, Warrior.  So have I.”


Chapter XIX

“Are you sure about this, Takoda?” Odahingum asked even as he shifted the clan away from the beaten path they normally followed when they chased the herd across the plains.  “You know that Koko and Donoma will not be able to find us if we deviate from our projected path.”

“I am aware, Odahingum.  I am also aware that if we do not change our course, we will face a hardship that will devastate our clan.  I do not believe that Donoma and her mate intend to return to us any time in the near future.  Koko Kanti has other responsibilities.”

“And what of her commitment to Donoma?”

Takoda smiled.  “That is one thing I have no doubt about anymore.”  Then his smile faded.  “I only hope Donoma will set her anger aside long enough to listen to Koko’s words.  I have to believe she will.”

They rode silently for a few minutes as the tribe followed them on an altered path into the hills.  Finally Odahingum asked what was on his mind.  “What of Donoma, Takoda?  Does she feel any responsibility for Koko Kanti or what happened between them?”

“I do not know, my friend; she never shared with me any of her thoughts or feelings in that regard.  I can only hope maturity will allow her to see that Koko was trying to look out for her.  And Honaw believes that Koko will honor her commitment to Donoma and protect her regardless of Donoma's feelings on the matter.  I am inclined to agree with his assessment.”

Odahingum shook his head.  “So much misunderstanding.  In one way I would like to be witness to their conversation; in another I am thankful we are not close enough to hear it.  They are such strong-minded, stubborn women.  I almost feel sorry for the hearing of those around them when they finally decide to discuss the past.”

Takoda chuckled.  “I do as well though I will be glad to see the end results.”

“You believe it will end well then?”

“I believe they are establishing a new foundation for both of them, Odahingum.  I have too.”

The chieftain nodded and together they continued on the path that Takoda was setting for them.  It marked a new direction for their nation, and with any luck, Koko and Donoma were experiencing a new beginning as well.

************

Their meal had been quiet.  Several times Donoma started to speak and then hesitated and Koko was happy to wait for her to settle her thoughts.  She figured Donoma had something she needed to say or wanted to ask and was trying to decide the best way to approach it.  Not that there weren't any number of things Koko herself wasn't downright curious about, but she had cultivated a magnitude of patience in her time as both warrior and bounty hunter. 

When she was done, Koko rose and slipped Donoma's bowl from her hands.  Donoma blinked and came out of her brown study just as Koko stepped out of the fire circle.  She thought of calling out to her, then turned her attention to the remainder of the meal that still bubbled slowly over the small fire.  She moved it to one side and covered it, then resumed her seat and propped her head on her hands.

Koko came back from the tiny creek with clean dishes and sat down beside Donoma.  Unexpectedly Donoma turned to Koko and pinned her in place with sad, haunted eyes.  Koko had time to wonder briefly what had changed in the short time she had been gone to put such an expression on Donoma's face before a whispered query brought her thoughts to a halt.

"Koko, was I hurting you?"

Koko frowned, truly not understanding exactly what she was being asked.  "When, Ka’eskone?  Do you mean earlier when you were treating my injuries?"

Donoma shook her head.  "No, Warrior.  I mean before – before you left.  Was I hurting you?"  Her hesitation was brief, but it was long enough for Donoma to see the deep-seeded pain in Koko's eyes before it was swiftly hidden.

"No, Ka’eskone," Koko denied almost immediately.  "My pain was of my own making...."  She would have continued had Donoma not covered her mouth.

"Please do not lie to me to spare me pain now, Koko, especially about something this important.  Something Honiahaka said made me realize that you were taking all the blame for our separation even though some of the responsibility lies at my feet."  Donoma dropped her hand from Koko's lips and let her eyes fall to the ground between them.  "I always assumed it was my fault, but it was so easy to be angry and place the blame solely on you since you were the one...."

"... since I was the one who left.  You were not doing anything, Donoma, other than being yourself as you had always been."  Koko shrugged and stepped away from Donoma and that action made the blonde head come up in question to see broad shoulders slumped in defeat.  Koko sighed.  "It was not your fault that I loved you even then."

"But it was my fault for not being able to see that – to see that your feelings for me had changed somehow."  Donoma crossed the few steps that brought her back to within touching range of Koko's back and she reached out a shaking hand and placed it between the strong shoulder blades.  Koko twitched then relaxed, but she did not turn around.  "Koko, I always knew there was something between us even if I did not know what it was or what to do about it.  I expected things to always be the same between us and that was wrong of me."

"You were a child, Ka’eskone.  Why should you not?"

"I am a seer, Warrior.  I should have known."

Koko turned slightly... enough that Donoma could see the wry expression twist her lips.  "I do not think the Great Spirit gives insight to matters of the heart, Ka’eskone.  If he did, a seer's time would be taken up with constantly giving advice to the lovelorn.  I do not think that would sit well with the chiefs and war leaders."

Donoma smirked.  "Probably not, but it does not make me feel any less stupid about my inability to see the truth of my own heart, Warrior."  Koko twitched her eyebrow in question and Donoma sighed and flushed a little.  "Koko, you were my best friend, my hero, MY warrior.  You were someone I loved without question or reservation.  I could talk to you about anything and even when we argued, you never laughed at my opinions or put them down.  You always took the best care of me.  I was always happiest when I was with you and missed you with an aching need in my heart when you were gone. You would think that would have told me what you really meant to me."

"When did you know?" Koko asked softly.  "When did you understand the truth?"

"Understanding it - about a heartbeat after discovering you were gone.  That is what made me so angry, I think.  Accepting it – well, that did not happen until today.  I had no reason to."

Koko turned around completely and wrapped Donoma in an embrace so tight it was like being surrounded by a cloud.  "I will never give you a reason not to believe again, Donoma Chepi."

"I will never give you cause to leave me behind again, Koko Kanti."

Koko smiled when Donoma's arms crept around her and returned the hug as fervently as she could.  "When I go, Nutta... where I go – I will take you with me.  Or I will stay where you are if that is what you desire, Ka’eskone.”

“Koko, I know you have a life outside of what we know with the tribe.  I would not ask you to give up whatever comforts and things you have there to return to the life of a nomad if that was not going to make you happy.  Is that life important to you?  Do you need to do whatever it is that you do in the white man’s world?”

“It filled a need in me, Donoma.  It gave me purpose and provided for me in the white man’s ways.  I no longer have to fill that particular need, but I do need to return at least once more to let Stephen... the local Marshall... know about the disposition of the outlaws that followed me here.  They were wanted men in the white man’s world.”

“Why were they following you, Koko?”

“Revenge.  I am a bounty hunter, Ka’eskone.  My job is to track those who break the law and escape justice then bring them in.  I am very good at it.  Outlaws do not like that.”

“Perhaps you should consider another line of work.”

“Perhaps I should consider retirement.”

“Would you want to do that, Koko Kanti?  Could you give that up?”

“In a heartbeat, Nutta, if it meant keeping you by my side.  I promised to protect you.  I cannot do that if I am chasing outlaws and trying to keep my own skin whole.”

It was quiet for a little while after that while Donoma considered what Koko had shared with her so far.  Finally....  “Tell what it was like for you when you left, my warrior.  Tell me about your life when you went into the white man’s world.”

“If we are going to start that conversation, we might want to make ourselves comfortable, Ka’eskone.  It is a tale that will take some time to relate.”

In answer Donoma took Koko’s hand and led them a short distance from the fire, out into the tall grass where they could lay cushioned and look up at the bright blue sky.  They settled side by side on their backs, holding hands and closing their eyes against the brilliance of the sunshine.

“This is nice,” Donoma commented, “though it may put me to sleep.”

Koko chuckled.  “Me too.  I’ll tell what I can though before that happens. The Great Spirit knows we could use the rest – you probably more than me actually,” frowning in memory at the smudge of darkness underneath Donoma’s eyes before she opened her eyes and squinted in Donoma's direction to confirm her memory.  Koko had been so focused on the emotions in the eyes that she had failed to note the fatigue so obvious now that she looked for it.  "In fact," Koko said, tugging on Donoma's hand and waiting for the green eyes to open and peer at her from beneath scrunched brows.  With her free hand she patted her thigh.  "Here... put your head in my lap.  It will be more comfortable and maybe you will be able to get a little rest."

Donoma leaned up on one elbow and smiled at Koko.  "Should I not be saying that to you?  I am not the one walking around with a hole in my stomach."

"And I have slept a majority of the last six days away, Ka’eskone.  I am tired, but not really sleepy.  You, on the other hand, look as though you have not had a full nights' sleep since I arrived."  She patted her leg again.  "Please, Ka’eskone.  I will tell you my story until it puts you to sleep," with a smile, then she reached up to trace the dark circles under Donoma's eyes.  "I will even retell the parts you sleep through.  But you need to rest."

Donoma caught and held Koko's hand.  "This bothers you so much?"

"I swore to protect you, Ka’eskone... that means taking care of you when you will not.  We have time, Donoma; I am not going anywhere without you I swear."

Donoma twisted until she could lay her head down on Koko's thigh, shifting so she could face Koko instead of looking up.  Koko smiled and tangled her fingers in the blonde hair, gently massaging her scalp, then forcing herself not to laugh at the contented sigh that flowed from deep in her chest.

"Comfortable?"

"Yes.  This reminds me so much of the nights we would go out and look at the stars."

"I have very fond memories of those nights. I always enjoyed seeing the patterns through your eyes; you saw things so differently than me."  Koko paused and laid her head back on the grass, closing her eyes in thought.  "I have not done that since I left."

"Neither have I... not like that anyway.  Sometimes I would look at the stars hoping they would answer my questions."

"I never bothered.  I knew the answers or thought I did."  Donoma squeezed the hand she still held and tucked it under her chin.  "I know we cannot change what happened, Ka’eskone," Koko said as her fingers caressed the skin along Donoma's jaw line, "no matter how much we would like to.  It will take us both some time to get past our feelings about it, but I do think sharing our stories with one another will help alleviate the guilt and anger between us.  So where would you like me to start?"

"Start at the beginning," Donoma mumbled sleepily.  "Later," she continued as her breathing deepened in sleep. 

"Later, Beloved... I promise.  Rest now; I'll keep watch."  In response, Donoma tightened her grip for a moment and then relaxed.  Koko smiled and extended her senses using the listening techniques she had taught Donoma all those years before.

************

"Oh my...." Donoma said as she blinked open her eyes to find darkness surrounding her and the sky full of stars.  "I guess I really did need some rest."  The surface she was laying on shook with laughter and Donoma turned her head to look at Koko who was gazing at her with adoring eyes.  "How long were you going to let me sleep?"

Even in the darkness, Donoma could see Koko's blush, but mostly because the chagrin was clearly written in her eyes.  "I fell asleep as well, Ka’eskone.  I have only been awake a very short time myself."

This time Donoma chuckled and squeezed the hand she still held.  "I suppose we both needed the rest, Warrior.  At least we can chase stars now."

"We certainly can, Nutta.  Would you like to stay here or would you prefer to go back to our clearing?"

Donoma lay still, considering her words before answering.  She felt the tension in the body beneath her and knew if she was stiff, Koko by definition had to be in agony.  "I think we should go back, Koko.  At least then we can pull out the furs to lay on and we probably need to eat." 

As if on cue two stomachs growled loudly.  They exchanged glances and grinned, then Donoma released Koko's hand and rolled over until she could push herself into a sitting position.  She twisted slightly, grimacing at the popping noise but sighing at the relief she felt.  Then she eased to her feet and extended a hand down to Koko.

Koko looked at Donoma with a frown.  "You know it is not supposed to be like this, Ka’eskone.  I am supposed to take care or you, not the other way around."

"No, warrior mine – we take care of each other.  And you cannot do by this yourself."

Koko gave Donoma a wry smirk before accepting the hand she held out.  "It is hard to argue with that kind of thinking, Ka’eskone."

"I know," Donoma agreed as she gently pulled Koko to her feet and steadied her there for a moment before releasing the hand she was gripping.  Then Koko caught her hand once more and Donoma smiled up at her.  "It is why I used it.  I am more than just a pretty face, Koko Kanti.  I am pretty smart as well."

"I remember that," Koko concurred, bringing her other hand up to trace the delicate features of Donoma's face.  "But you are not simply pretty, Ka’eskone.  You are beautiful.  You would make beautiful children."

"I do not want children, warrior mine – beautiful or otherwise.  I only want you."

Koko smiled shyly and looked at the ground.  "I am glad about that... both parts of that actually.  I was certain when I realized where I was and how angry you were that I would never have the opportunity to be with you the way I wanted to.  It was only because Takoda forced me to speak to you directly that I did so."

"Takoda?"

Koko nodded.  "He said you deserved better from me than my leaving without a word again and he was right.  I will have to thank him for the kick in the behind."

Donoma stared at Koko's contrite expression for a long moment, then glanced at her ass before returning her eyes to Koko's.  "Remind me to thank him as well.  At least he did not leave a mark."

Koko chuckled and tugged on Donoma's hand to start them back in the direction of the camp.  "I think he would have," she confided, "if he had been sure that your wrath would not have been turned in his direction for doing so.  I got the impression the tribe is very respectful of your anger."

"They have learned to be.  It was very sharp for a long time but never without cause.  I just allowed it to go to the extreme."

"Now you have no reason to."  They reached the encampment, remembering the furs that had been left out to dry and hastened to retrieve them.  Koko went about setting them up a cozy nest to one side while Donoma relit the fire and set the remaining stew on to warm.  Then she cuddled up in Koko's arms where she had gently reclined on the furs and turned her attention to the star-studded expanse.

"I still think it is a bear, Warrior.  Time has not changed that."

"It is a dipper, Ka’eskone.  I still do not see a bear in those stars."

"You do not see his head with the little ears and the rounded body and...." stopping the age-old argument when Koko vehemently shook her head.  "Maybe you should try seeing it from my eyes."

"I imagine the world would look a lot different for me if I saw with your eyes, Ka’eskone.  What about those?" pointing to another group of stars. The quiet conversation between them could barely be heard and the stew signaled its readiness while the stars looked on.


Chapter XX

"When I first left the tribe, I thought I would die," Koko said as they settled down after eating.  "It was so quiet... so lonely.  I never realized quiet could be lonely until it was absolutely silent.  I kept waiting... listening for any sound that would show me there was more life out here than me.  It seemed that even the animals had abandoned me.  I came so close to turning around, but I knew you deserved a chance to find happiness so I kept going.  By the time I reached the fort I was happy to be there if only for the sound of other human voices.  Of course I did not realize how the white man was going to react to me."

"That bad?"

"Not after I explained myself in excruciating, explicit detail."

"What happened?"

"There were some who felt the need to heckle... who believed that my being a woman precluded me from being a warrior.  And there were those who felt my not being of the white world meant I was less than they were... that I was an animal to be taken.  I simply restructured their thinking."

"What happened?" Donoma repeated.

"I defeated them; I fought them and I won.  Then I got my first bounty and things got a lot easier."

“Wait... go back.  You fought them?”

“I did – hand to hand.  I had no guns and no knowledge of how to use them so I earned their respect by beating them up.”

Donoma shook her head.  “Is it that way everywhere?  You had to do the same when you came to us as I recall.”

Koko smirked.  “I think it is simply the way of man, Ka’eskone.  The few women I encountered took me in and gave me a place to stay and food to eat until I could manage on my own.  In return I looked out for them... did not let those same men push them around and beat them up anymore.”  Blue eyes grew thoughtful.  “I realized that the ones who have the least seem to be the most generous while those who have the most to give are the ones who want more and will do anything to keep taking.  That is one reason I became a bounty hunter.”

"One reason?"

"I needed money, Ka’eskone, and since I did not know how to play cards it was about the only way I could earn it as a woman that did not require me to lie on my back underneath some man."  Donoma looked at Koko with horror and revulsion shining out of her eyes.  Koko nodded her head.  "Exactly.  Besides, I am good at tracking – good at killing, honestly.  And the animals I went after did not deserve better than dying."

"Do you enjoy it, Koko?"

Koko turned to look directly into Donoma's green eyes, finding not judgment or disgust but a desire to understand.  "Sometimes," she confessed honestly.  "Sometimes I am glad to kill them if only because I know they will not be able to destroy any more lives."  She drew a deep breath.  "The men that I go after are wicked men, Ka’eskone, who have done evil, bad things.  My job is to stop them in any way I can and generally that entails killing them."

"Would you give it up?"

"I could, Ka’eskone... in a heartbeat.  It is not something I need to do; it is something I do because it needs to be done.  And I am good at it.  But I will stop if that will make you happy."

"Would that make you happy?"

"I know that at some point I will have to stop or it will kill me – that is just the way of the world.  Someone will come along one day who is stronger or smarter or faster who will take me down like an outlaw and end my life if I do not stop by my own choice.  Even now there is still a possibility that someone will come looking for me before I can go looking for them."

"Like what brought you back to us again?"

"Exactly like that."

Donoma took a deep breath and let it out slowly.  "I do not like that, Warrior.  I do not think I could live knowing you were in constant danger.  But I am not sure it is fair to ask you to give it up either.  You serve the greater good, Nutta, and that has to mean something to you or you would not have continued to pursue such a course once you had enough money to leave the white man's world."

“Donoma... Ka’eskone... being a bounty hunter gave me purpose.  It gave me a reason to look forward to another day because there are always more outlaws that need hunting.”

“And now?”

“Now?”  Koko brushed her fingertips across Donoma’s cheek, gratified when the green eyes closed and Donoma leaned into the touch.  “Now I have the possibility of the future I have always wanted.  That is all the reason I need.”  She stopped talking when Donoma snuggled deeper into her embrace.

Quiet settled over them and it was only a short while before the rhythmic breathing of sleep was the only accompaniment the crackling fire had.  The stars twinkled merrily, two moreso than the rest as the night continued on to fade towards dawn.

************

Honiahaka turned to Rachel and smiled at the delighted expression that sparkled out of her blue eyes.  "You are happy with the turn of events, Nutta?"

"Oh yes, Honiahaka.  I have waited a long time for my Nahtonas to realize the bond they share with one another."  Honiahaka laughed and took Rachel into his arms, hugging her with all the strength in his ethereal body.

"Oh Rae'l... they have yet to recognize their bonding.  They have only just begun to understand and explore what is possible between them.  But they will – what they have will not be denied."  He brushed a kiss over the top of her dark head.  "Trust me, Rae'l."

"I always did, Nutta, even before I knew you as more than just my captor.  You never lied to me and you endured a lot to protect us."

"Then believe me when I tell you that Koko Kanti inherited that same strength and stubbornness.  Now that Donoma's heart is open to her, Donoma Chepi does not stand a chance against Koko Kanti's persuasiveness.  Besides, she wants to be convinced."

Rachel chuckled.  "I think you are right about that, Honiahaka.  I just hope it is sooner than later.  I do not want any more gray hair than I died with."

"Come then... we will leave them to figure things out.  It is time for us to rest."

And they faded from view as the sun edged its way over the horizon.

************

"Good morning, Ka’eskone," Koko greeted as Donoma's lashes tickled the side of her neck.  Donoma stretched carefully, not willing to leave the nest that had been created for her in Koko's arms, but equally reluctant to do any further damage to the still healing body beneath her.  She turned and let her lips brush Koko's neck.

"Good morning, Warrior," she croaked, clearing her throat and blinking her eyes again.  She gratefully accepted the water skin and gulped down several swallows.  "How did you sleep?"

Koko shifted so Donoma could see the wry look in her eyes.  "You were in my arms, Ka’eskone, despite all good intentions to the contrary.  How could my sleep be anything but good?"

Donoma shifted, easing into a sitting position.  "You can have good intentions tomorrow, Koko.  I needed to be in your arms last night as much as you needed to have me there."

"Did you really, Donoma Chepi?"

Green eyes met blue and Donoma winced to see the uncertainly lurking in them.  She leaned over Koko's body and cupped her face in one hand.  "Yes, Koko... I did.  I needed the reassurance of knowing you would be there when I awoke this morning just as you needed to know I would be there all night long.  We are rebuilding trust, Warrior.  We both have fears we can only face together."

Koko took the hand that cradled her face and brought it to her lips.  "When did you get to be so smart again?"

"I have always been smart, Koko Kanti.  It is the reason I am the warrior advisor to the best warrior the tribe has ever known."

"Oh no, Ka’eskone," Koko disagreed.  "That had nothing to do with your mind and everything to do with your heart.  I knew someone who saw and felt as you do could be relied on to be the best possible advisor in the world.  It made all the difference."

"But you did not know anything about me when you made me you advisor," Donoma protested.

"Oh, but I did, Ka’eskone.  You cannot see it, but your soul shines out of your eyes like a beacon."  Donoma flushed bright red at Koko's words and dropped her head.  Koko raised it with her fingers under Donoma's chin until their eyes were at a level.  "Oh no, Ka’eskone.  It is nothing to be ashamed of – your soul is beautiful."

"You can really see that?"

"I always could, Donoma.  It was the first part of you I fell in love with."

Donoma sat perfectly still, concentrating on breathing.  Koko sat and watched in fascination as the emotion play across her face.  She'd always thought that Donoma knew so much about what was between them, and was slowly coming to the realization that Donoma was feeling her way through things that Koko was still coming to terms with herself.  It was one thing to know something intellectually and something else again to have to acknowledge it emotionally.

"Does that surprise you, Ka’eskone?" Koko ask when the silence went on too long for her comfort.  Donoma's eyes tracked back to her from wherever they had been and she blinked rapidly to bring her eyes back into focus.  Koko gave her a gentle smile and Donoma responded with a shaky smile of her own.  "Does it surprise you to know that I love you, Donoma Chepi?"

"No, my warrior," Donoma replied possessively.  "Only that you have known for so long."

"Perhaps on some level, Ka’eskone, but never overtly... at least not until I decided to leave.  I spent that entire night thinking, you know – recognizing a few truths about myself and us."

"Perhaps I should take the time to do the same."  Donoma looked down at her hands and watched them fidget as if by their own volition.  "I should have done it years ago when you left.  I imagine I would have followed you if I had."  She paused.  "Then again I purposely avoided thinking about you or why you had left; probably because I knew it would come down to being my fault."

"Not your fault, Donoma – my decision."

"And my fault for not seeing... for failing to look."  She looked into Koko's eyes and took the larger hands in hers.  "Koko, if I had known... if I had seen.... Takoda could not have stopped me; no one could have. I would have followed you until we had sorted all this out."

"We can only go forward from here, Ka’eskone."  The growling of two hungry bellies interrupted her and Koko and Donoma exchanged smirks that became chuckles after a moment.  "First however," Koko continued when the noise died down a bit, "I think we need to find something to break our fast and decide what we want to do now."

"I will catch us some fish," Donoma said confidently.  "You do not need to be bending over and straining that belly wound," she cautioned when Koko frowned.  "Besides, you taught me, remember?  I can do it, Warrior."

"I know," Koko agreed.  "It is just different than what I remember."

"It is different, Nutta.  We are different people getting to know one another again.  But I have to be honest... I am looking forward to it."

"So am I, Ka’eskone.  Go catch your fish – I will stoke the fire.  There will be time later to talk."

************

"I have missed your cooking, Donoma.  I had put the flavors you created out of my mind, but they bring back so many memories."  Koko leaned forward to whisper conspiratorially even though she and Donoma were the only ones around.  "I always loved your cooking even more than my Nahko'es."

Donoma smiled and blushed.  "Did you really?"

"Yes.  Nahko'e cooked for me because it was her place to do so, both as my Nahko'e and as the woman in a warrior's household.  I know that she loved me, but she also bore a responsibility to me as her Nahtona and her provider.  You cooked for me because you wanted to and it always tasted a little bit better because of that."

"Not all of it, Warrior.  I remember some distinct disasters while I was learning."

"I would not call them disasters," Koko replied tactfully.

"I would," Donoma said with laughter.  "There was nothing successful about the flat bread on fire or the stew that...."

Koko held up her hands in surrender, grimacing in memory.  "All right... all right.  Maybe there were a few disasters while you were developing your own style, but even then I could still taste love in the effort you put into caring for me that way."

"Could you really?"

"Of course.... because you never did it for anyone else – only me."

"Of course I did – you were my warrior."

"I am still your warrior, Ka’eskone.  That never changed even when I built a home out in the white man's world."

"You built a home there?"

Koko nodded wearily.  "I had to.  Living in the town was driving me crazy.  The noise there – while I had searched for relief from the quiet on my sojourn there as a reassurance that I was not alone in the world, I realized that I could not live with so much sound from so many sources.  As soon as I could afford to do so I moved away from the fort and built a small cabin out away from everything."

"The silence didn't bother you there?"

"I needed it – it wasn't the total quiet that haunted me when I left the tribe.  This gave me a sense of peace... a sense of home that I had not had since I left here."

"Do you think I could see it?"

"Would you like to?"

"I think so, yes.  I would like to know about your life while you were gone from this place.  You know what mine was like; it is very consistent."

Koko chuckled.  "That it is.  Would you like to find your family and let them know?"

"Not until we are joined, Warrior.  Takoda trusts you to keep me safe."

"Then we can go whenever you would like to leave.  It will take us a little while to reach the fort if you would like to go into town.  My cabin is a little closer."

"I think I would like to see the cabin first.  It might take a while before I feel comfortable going into the town.  I am not sure how the white world would take to me."

"You will be fine, Ka’eskone.  You would fit into the white world easier than I did," combing her hands through blonde hair.  "But I would never let you face something like that on your own, Beloved," switching to English.  "Anywhere we go, we go together.  If you are not comfortable going into town, my business there will wait until you are."

"And if I never am?"

"Then we will not go, Donoma... simple as that.  I told you – you make the choice.  If you want to live here, we can always come home to your family and the tribe.  I only want to be where you are."

"No, Koko... we make the choice.  This is about us and our life together."

"Then I say that we start out at first light tomorrow.  We do not have a schedule to keep, and it will give me a little more time to recover.  I have this very strict caregiver who would be very happy if I took better care of myself so she did not have to continue to repair the damage I do to my body."

"Your caregiver would prefer that you not do damage to yourself to begin with, but I will accept that as a viable option in this situation."

"So leaving tomorrow...?"

"... is fine with me, Warrior, as long as you feel able to do so.  Now I am going to go check on the horses.  You should rest."  And Donoma rose from her spot and headed out into the prairie before Koko could protest.  Koko watched her go and let a smile cross her face.  Then she rose and went into her own tent.  The evening suddenly had interesting possibilities.

Part 3