“Well, Ms Cabot, your recovery has progressed very well; you appear to be in exceptional health.  What does your therapist say?”

“She says I’m clear to go back to work, but she wants to continue our sessions.”

“And what do you think about that?”

Alex shrugged.  “I think she’s right.”  She sighed when the doctor looked at her expectantly.  “There is more going on than just what happened that night, and I know that.”

The doctor held Alex’s eyes for a long moment before nodding.  “Fair enough.  In that case you are free to return to work Monday morning.”

“Thank you, Doctor.”

“My pleasure.”  The doctor stood and offered his hand.  “Good luck, Ms Cabot.”

“So,” Abbie smiled as Alex met her in the waiting area.  “How’d it go?”

“Free and clear.”

“Yeah... me too.”

“So, whaddya wanna do now?” Alex asked Abbie with a smirk.  “Go to Disney World?”

Abbie laughed.  “Maybe later,” taking Alex’s arm and leading her from the hospital.  “First, I think we should go get some dinner.”

“Let’s call Casey to join us.”

Abbie sighed.  “You’re not going to let this drop, are you?”

“Do you really want me to?”

“Are you implying I need a swift kick in the ass to take a chance?”

“If the boot fits....”

“I hate you.”

“I know,” handing Abbie her phone.  “I’ll be at the car,” lifting Abbie’s keys from her hand.

Abbie watched her go, then stared at the phone she held for an impossibly long moment.  Finally she sighed and scrolled through the phone book, selecting Casey’s number and pressing the button.

“Hi, Casey... it’s Abbie.”

************

Dinner had gone surprisingly well.  Alex and Casey had kept the conversational ball rolling until Abbie had relaxed and become part of it.  That had lasted until Alex announced she was taking Abbie’s car and going back to the apartment, citing exhaustion.  Abbie stood to follow her; only Casey’s hand on her arm gave her pause.  Abbie glanced down, brown eyes meeting green.

“Stay... she’s a big girl and I’ll give you a ride home.”

“Um....”

“Abbie, we’re going to have to talk about this sooner or later.  C’mon... you’re one of the strongest people I know.  I’ve heard the stories, you know,” she added with a smile, eyes sparkling when Abbie returned the smile.  “What are you afraid of?” she asked softly.

Abbie’s smile faded.  “So many things... mostly you.”

Casey held Abbie’s eyes, her expression never changing.  “Me?  Abbie, I’m not going to hurt you... not intentionally.”  A beat.  “Look... would you be more comfortable alone with me in a public setting or a private one?”  Abbie cocked her eyebrow.  “We can stay here and have some coffee and dessert.  Or we can get in the car and drive around for a while.”

“Let’s order dessert.”

************

“So how’d it go?”

Alex shrugged even though Olivia couldn’t see the gesture over the phone.  “I don’t know.  I chaperoned them through dinner then left them alone in the restaurant.”

“Alex!!  You’re playing matchmaker now?”

“Not at all, Detective.  I am simply providing the opportunity for them to work things out for themselves.”

Liv chuckled.  “Uh huh.  The evidence speaks otherwise, Counselor.  You’re a troublemaker.”

“Firsthand experience, Detective?”

“None better, Counselor,” Liv answered with a chuckle, then cleared her throat.  “How’d things go with the doc?”

“Good.  I’m clear to go back to work, and I’m going to keep seeing Janet.”

“Good.  So when are you coming home?”

“Miss me?”

“Yes,” came the stark answer.

“I’ll take the first flight out tomorrow morning.”

“You’d do that?”

“In a heartbeat, Liv.”

Although she couldn’t see it, Alex felt the warmth of Olivia’s smile through the phone.  “Is it wrong that it makes me feel like a giddy teenager for you to say that?” Liv asked quietly.

“God, I hope not,” Alex confessed.

“I mean after all the angst and frustration it took for us to get to this point....”

“Liv, I think you’re over-thinking this, but just for the record, I think it’s wonderful.  After all the angst and frustration and struggle we’ve gone through to get to this point, we’ve earned the right to be giddy and happy and totally in love.”

“You’re turning into a mush, Counselor.”

“Your fault, Detective.”

“How do you figure that?  I’m a complete innocent here... stuck two hundred and twenty-five miles away from you.  I haven’t done a thing.”

“Except love me, Liv.  That’s enough.”

The silence was telling all on its own and Alex smiled, waiting for Liv to recover her voice.  “Wow,” came the soft rejoinder.

“What?”

“You take my breath away.”

“You do the same for me, Liv.  You always have.”

“Allllleeeeex.”  Alex grinned, feeling Liv’s blush over the phone... a side of the detective rarely seen, even by her.

“O-liv-ee-ah,” Alex mimicked back to her, smiling when Liv chuckled gently.  “Now should I come home in the morning or stay here and keep tabs on the progress Casey and Abbie are making with one another?”

“Stay and keep an eye on Abbie,” Olivia said seriously.  “I’ve never seen her so timid about anything and it worries me.  I’ll call if anything comes up, but I really am hoping it’s quiet enough I can get some work done on the mural.  I’d like to have it done in time for your open house.”

“That would be wonderful, Liv, but I want you to be happy in the doing.  Don’t force it if it’s not working.”

“And when did you get so philosophical?”

“You’d be surprised how many things you have time to contemplate in witness protection, Liv.”

“I’d be happy never to have to learn by experience.”

“Me too,” Alex agreed sincerely.  “Now that I finally have you back in my life....”  She cleared her throat.  “I need to go.  I think Abbie’s home and I don’t want to be out here if she brought Casey with her.  Talk to you later, Detective?”

“Oh, you can count on it Counselor.”

“Night, Liv.  Happy dreams.”

“They always are when you’re in them, Alex.  Night.”  And Olivia hung up the phone before Alex was able to catch her breath to respond.  She held the receiver in her hand listening to the dial tone for a long moment before hanging it in the cradle.  Then she moved towards the kitchen for a bottle of water and escaped to her room just as the front door opened and Casey and Abbie stepped inside.

************

“Come on in... make yourself at home.  Can I get you anything?  Something to drink or maybe....”

A hand on her arm made Abbie stutter to a stop and glance at Casey before dropping her eyes to the ground.  “Abbie, I’m fine.  C’mon... let’s sit down.”

“I’m sorry.”

“About what?”

Abbie took a deep breath and let it out before giving in to Casey’s gentle tugging and taking a seat beside her.  “Casey, I really do like you.  I know we haven’t known each other a very long time, but I was aware of you long before you were assigned to SVU.  You’re one of the ADA’s Jack has kept an eye on since you came to the DA’s office and that brought you to my attention.  And honestly, I was always impressed with what I learned about you.  But I never really expected to know you as more than a name and face.”  Abbie chanced a look at Casey and smiled at the blush and shy, pleased expression covering Casey’s face.  “I’m not trying to embarrass you.”

“I know,” Casey replied.  “I just can’t believe I never knew... I mean, you were the gold standard we all aspired to.  I never realized... I mean I never thought... um....”

Abbie grinned.  “Breathe, Casey.”  Casey took a deep breath and swallowed hard and for the first time in a long time, Abbie relaxed.  “Better?”

“Yeah, thanks.”  She took another deep breath.  “I’m sure you think I’m some kind of a crazy person.”

Abbie chuckled.  “Casey, I have been a basket case in the last few weeks.  You don’t think you’re entitled to stutter once in a while?”

“Excellent point, Counselor.”  Abbie laughed again and Casey cocked an eyebrow in her direction.

“You sound like Liv.  She calls Alex ‘Counselor’ as a term of endearment and Alex returns the favor by referring to Liv as ‘Detective’.  It’s a little nauseating.”

“Aw, c’mon, Abbie... I think it’s cute.”

Abbie raised her eyebrow in mock derision before breaking into a grin.  “So do I,” she confided, leaning over to bump shoulders with Casey.  “Especially after all they have been through to get them to that place again.”

“Again?”

“You didn’t see them together before Alex was put into witness protection.  I don’t know if they were intimate then, but they were definitely as together as they could be without sex.  When Alex left, well... let’s just say Olivia was unhappy for a long time.”

“And what about you, Abbie?”

“What about me?” Abbie asked, looking down at the ground.  Casey took Abbie’s face in her hands, raising her chin until their eyes met.

“Abbie, talk to me please.  I know something happened to you and I know it was bad.  You can’t imagine some of the things that have crossed my mind as possibilities and it hurts me to think of what could have done so much damage to someone as strong and intelligent and amazing as you are.”  A beat.  “Abbie, I’m not trying to push you, God.  But how can we have anything together if you won’t trust me?”

Abbie closed her eyes and bit her lip.  Casey never moved, gently stroking Abbie’s cheeks with her thumbs.  She felt Abbie sigh and take a deep breath.  “When I was a freshman in college... I was... raped.”  She sighed.  “I was a stupid kid; I let him get away with it because I thought... I thought I had done something....”  Her words stopped - not because there wasn’t more to say, but because of the comfort she suddenly found herself surrounded by when Casey embraced her tightly.  Abbie felt the kiss Casey brushed over her hair and relaxed into the hug, absorbing every bit of support Casey offered.  Casey waited in silence, tears rolling from her eyes as she felt Abbie release the pain she’d held close to her heart for years.  She kissed the dark head a second time and felt Abbie sigh into her neck.  “I know now,” she said so softly Casey had to strain to hear her, “I know it wasn’t my fault.  I know he raped me,” her voice becoming stronger.  “But it doesn’t make it any easier to bear.  And it doesn’t make it any easier for me to trust... no matter how much I want to try.”

“Abbie,” Casey said, lightly scratching Abbie’s scalp as she combed through her dark hair.  “You just did.  Thank you for trusting me.  I can’t promise to never hurt you,” feeling Abbie stiffen in her arms.  “Shh... I can’t promise to never hurt you because I might.  But I will never hurt you intentionally and I will do my damnedest to never hurt you accidentally.”  She paused a moment and smiled, letting the expression carry over into her voice.  “Do you know what first attracted me to you... way back in the days you were an ADA for Jack McCoy?” waiting for Abbie to shake her head.  “You probably can’t hear it, but you have the cutest drawl.  Not so much in the courtroom - your natural passion and intensity kind of override it.  But when you’re relaxed, I can hear Texas in that smooth whiskey voice of yours.”

Abbie tilted her head up, shifting to take in Casey’s features.  “Really?”

Casey nodded.  “Uh huh.  It just does something to me; it always has.”

“Really?”  Abbie’s tone completely different this time.

“Um hmm,” Casey hummed, her eyes focused on a point on the far side of the room.  “And you have this little strut... the better your day, the more pronounced the strut.  I always hoped to see you walking down the hall with jeans on doing that strut.  It’s really sexy,” Casey added, waggling her eyebrows roguishly at Abbie.  Abbie shifted again, finally sliding her arms around Casey and returning the hug.

“Oh really?” Abbie asked again, a hint of playfulness in her voice.

“Oh yeah,” Casey purred.  “Absolutely.  And when you smile,” watching Abbie’s actions follow her words, “you have the cutest dimples.  They make me want to....”  Without warning Casey broke off, biting her lip uncertainly.

“They make you want to what?”  Abbie prompted when it appeared Casey wasn’t going to continue.  “C’mon, Casey,” she almost whined.  “No fair teasing like that - what do my dimples make you want to do?”

For answer, Casey leaned down, letting her actions speak volumes when she caught Abbie’s lips with tender passion.  Abbie stiffened for a split second before relaxing into the kiss and returning it fervently.  The kiss went on for long moments before the couple was forced to separate for air.

“That’s what your dimples make me want to do, Abbie,” Casey confessed when she’d caught her breath.  Abbie responded by reaching up and threading her hand into Casey’s hair, pulling their lips together again.  And down the hallway, Alex quietly closed her bedroom door with a smile on her face.

************

“I guess I don’t need to ask how things went last night,” Alex commented as she poured herself a cup of coffee.  She turned and looked at Abbie who gazed back at her pensively.  “Abbie?”

Abbie’s eyes dropped to the table and she sighed.  “Have you ever been afraid to be happy, Alex... really, truly happy?”  She paused and took a deep breath.  “I told Casey the truth last night.  She didn’t run, and she didn’t ask for more than I was able to give her.  She stayed all night and just held me.  It was wonderful - first time in a very long time I can remember sleeping through the night.”

“That’s fabulous, Abbie.  So what’s the problem?” shaking her head and setting her cup on the table before taking a seat beside her.

“I look at Casey and wonder when the bubble is going to burst.  She deserves so much more than....”  A hand covered Abbie’s mouth and Casey wrapped her other arm around Abbie’s shoulder.  She pressed her torso against Abbie’s back and leaned forward to whisper into her ear.

“I have what I want, Abbie - that is what I deserve.  Please don’t discount my feelings about you or what’s happening between us.”  She lifted her hand when she felt Abbie open her lips to speak.

“It’s a lot of baggage, Casey.  I’m not sure....”

“You don’t have to be, Abbie.  I’m sure enough for both of us.”

“Listen to her, Abigail,” Alex said, reminding them she was still in the room.  “She’s pretty smart.”

“And pretty persistent,” Casey added, leaning forward and kissing Abbie’s cheek as she removed her hand, only to find it caught in Abbie’s.  Casey responded to the gentle tugging, coming around to sit beside Abbie.

“So what are we doing today?” Abbie asked, looking first at Casey and then at Alex.

“Well, since you two seem to have things settled to your satisfaction, I thought I’d head back to Manhattan.”

“NO!  You can’t!  I mean....”  Casey cleared her throat.  “Sorry, I mean, please don’t leave on our account.  You should stay for the weekend like you originally planned.”

“But what about...?” motioning towards the two of them.

“Alex, we’re at the very beginning of our relationship.  We’re not going to start out alienating one of our closest friends by suddenly excluding everyone but each other from our lives.  Losing friends like that would make us both miserable.  So stay - we can go out and do things that friends like to do together.”  Casey looked at Abbie and then back to Alex.  “Hey, why don’t we go over to the art gallery?  I love that place.”

Abbie dropped her head to the table and banged it lightly.  “Oh no,” she moaned dramatically.  “I’m surrounded by culture aficionados!  Somebody save me!”  Casey and Alex exchanged glances and laughed.

“C’mon, Drama Queen,” Casey said as she rose from her seat.  “At least I’m not dragging you home to meet the family yet.  My brothers’ questions make the Spanish Inquisition look like a walk in the park.”

Abbie looked at Alex.  “What have I gotten myself into?” before dropping her head to the table once more.

“Aside from love?” she asked with a smile.

Casey leaned over and put her hand between Abbie’s forehead and the table.  “I’ll protect you, Abigail - I promise.”  She cleared her throat.  “But first I need to go home and get a shower and some clean clothes.”

“Why?  You can take a shower here; I’ll loan you some clothes,” Alex offered.  “You can give your mom all the details later.”

“Yeah, and if Alex’s clothes don’t fit you, I can probably find some that will.”

“Can I borrow your cowboy boots?”

“Don’t push it,” Abbie growled playfully, the glare in her eyes betrayed by the twinkle sparkling from the depths of brown.  “This is just our first date.”

“I had to try,” Casey sighed dramatically, covering Alex’s laughter.  Abbie rolled her eyes, shaking her head as she stood.  She took Casey’s hand and led her towards the master bath.

“And you call me a drama queen.”

************

“Thank you, Alex,” Abbie said as they shared a light breakfast early Sunday morning. 

“For?” Alex asked, her brow furrowed.  “I should be thanking you for letting me crash here for the weekend.”

“Cut the modesty, Cabot.  It really doesn’t suit you.  We both know you had a hand in Casey and I....” She waved her hand around.  “You know... finally getting together.”

Alex snorted then lifted her coffee cup to her lips.  After a sip she replied, “I didn’t do anything except put the right circumstances into play.  The two of you had to do the hard part.”

“Whatever.  Don’t think I’m going to forget it anytime soon, though,”

“Well then... plan on coming to Manhattan for Thanksgiving.  Gerry has promised to come down from the lodge and give me a hand that weekend.”

Abbie laughed.  “A hand?  Or is she cooking the meal for you?”

“She’s cooking the turkey - I never quite got the hang of it in Witness Protection since I only ever cooked for me.  I make a pretty good green bean casserole though and I do a decent pecan pie.”

Abbie’s eyebrows went up into her hairline.  “You can make pecan pie??  I’ll be there early.  I want to see this.”

Alex did the mature thing and stuck out her tongue.  “Oh ye of little faith.”

“Yeah, yeah... put your money where your mouth is, Cabot.”

“Any day of the week, Carmichael.  Just let me know when you’re coming so I can have the guest room ready for you.  I still have quite a bit of work to do, and since I’m going back to the DA’s office....”

“And can I say how happy I am about that... going back to work, I mean?  God, I never thought having a month off would take so much effort.”  She broke off, chewing her lip thoughtfully.

“Try having two,” Alex returned wryly.  “Although if I’m completely honest, it’s probably the best thing to happen to me.  Gave me plenty of time to think and make some good decisions for a change.”

“Regrets?”

“Only that I hurt a lot of people trying to find my way home.”

“And are you there yet?”

Alex gazed at Abbie thoughtfully, giving the question due consideration.  “Mostly, yes,” she eventually answered.  “I still have a few things to work out, but I have a good therapist and at least I finally have Liv on my side again.”  The sound of a horn blowing interrupted them.  “That would be my ride to the airport,” standing to retrieve her luggage.  Abbie just smiled and went to the door, anticipating Casey’s knock.

“I’ll wait in the car,” Alex said as she swooped by them.  “And I’ll expect you in a few weeks, Carmichael,” leaning over and brushing Abbie’s cheek with her lips.

************

“Thank you, Alex,” Casey said once they were seated on the plane. Alex’s brows climbed her forehead and her eyes widened as the distinct feeling of deja vu washed over her.

“For?” she asked, wondering if Casey’s reply would be at all similar to Abbie’s.

“Inviting me down and then hanging around to play with me and Abbie.  I think... I think it made Abbie more comfortable for us to start out going out with friends instead of just me.”  Casey’s chuckle was ironic.  “I never realized I was so threatening outside the courtroom.”

“Thank you for sticking with her, Casey.  She’s worth it... she really is. She’s just a little skittish.”  Casey covered Alex’s hand.

“It’s okay, Alex.  I think so too. I went into this with my eyes open.  I knew there was something going on with her even before she confided in me.”

“So now what?” Alex asked.  “Are you going to try to have a long distance relationship?”

“Right now we’re going to have a long distance courtship... getting to know each other as more than a name or a reputation - email and phone calls and text messages.  See what we have in common aside from being lawyers who’ve both worked in the Manhattan DA’s office with some pretty special friends.”

“Well, I’ve got my fingers crossed.”

“Me, too.”

************

There was music coming from the conservatory when Alex unlocked her brownstone some hours later.  She hadn’t told Olivia when she was returning and she had a pretty good idea where the good detective was judging by the sounds coming down the hallway.  She climbed the stairs to her bedroom, wondering why she had chosen the top floor until she stepped in, soothed by the feeling of home that suddenly surrounded her.  It brought tears to her eyes and Alex shook her head to remove any trace of sentimentality... unsuccessfully.  Instead she blew out a shaky breath and threw her suitcase on the bed.  She unpacked quickly, changing into her favorite blue jeans and a warm sweater.  Then she walked sock footed down the stairs, only to find the muzzle of a police weapon pointed in her direction as she entered the kitchen.  She jumped back and put a hand over her wildly beating heart even as Olivia dropped the gun into its holster and leaned shakily against the counter.

“Shit, Alex... you nearly gave me a heart attack!”

Alex blew out a breath and crossed the room to wrap her arms around Olivia’s neck, answering her words with action.  She captured her lips, forcing a moan from deep in her throat as she plundered Olivia’s mouth.  Then Liv pushed her hands into Alex’s back pockets and Alex shuddered, ripping her mouth from Liv’s and attacking her neck with abandon.

“God, Alex,” Olivia’s lips at Alex’s ear.  “I missed you, Sweetheart.”

Alex tangled her hands the dark hair and tugged Olivia’s lips from her earlobe.  “I missed you too, Love,” crushing their lips together again before they were forced to separate for air.  They leaned their foreheads together catching their breath.

“Welcome home, Babe.”

Alex smirked.  “I like this greeting much better than the gun.  Nice reflexes, Detective.”

“I didn’t hear you come in.  I was expecting a phone call telling me when to pick you up.”

“I wasn’t sure where you were and I didn’t want to disturb you.  How’s the mural coming?”

Olivia shrugged.  “I like the direction it’s going but it’s not going as quickly as I’d like.”

“Liv, I told you it’s no rush.”

“I know, but I’d like to get it done for your housewarming.”

“Can I see?”  A beat.  “Please?”

Liv bit her lip before sliding her hands from Alex’s back pockets and reaching for her hand.  “All right.  Just remember it’s a work-in-progress.”

“I’m sure it will be exceptional, Liv.”

A dark brow cocked.  “How do you figure that, Counselor?”

“I’ve seen your work, Detective.”  Without another word, Olivia unlocked the door and motioned Alex in ahead of her.  Then she stood back and watched Alex’s reaction.  Alex walked towards the wall slowly, eyes wide and mouth open until she forced it closed with an audible snap.  She extended her arm, gently caressing the lines closest to her.  “Oh, Liv,” she whispered reverently.  “This is... this is amazing.”

Alex turned back to Olivia, catching the blush traveling up her face.  She reached out her hand towards the detective, waiting for Liv to take it.  Alex pulled her forward until Olivia’s arms wrapped around her.  Then she covered Liv’s hands with her own and leaned into her strength.

“You really like it?”

“It’s fantastic, Liv.  I can’t wait to see it finished.”

In the upper left corner was the barest silhouette outline of the Manhattan skyline.  In the foreground was a setting familiar to Alex, though it wasn’t just like her memories.  It was a meadow with trees and wildflowers, mountains in the background.  The sun was just starting to set and in the middle of the meadow stood two women - one dark, the other light - entwined around one another until it was hard to see where one began and the other ended.

But the most astounding part of the mural was not necessarily the picture itself, but the mediums Olivia had used to bring it to life.

The flowers that were completed were made of bits of tile and glass; the rest in a box waiting to be finished.  The waving grasses that surrounded them were composed of bits of cloth while brushstrokes could be seen over the smoother parts.  The mountains were rough and gritty as though created from rock and sand.  The sun was nothing more than a pencil sketch as were the two women except for the color of their hair.  Most intriguing though were the pictures on the floor in front of the skyline.  Alex looked her question at Olivia.

“They’re going to be part of the buildings... what gives them depth and realism.”

Alex’s brow furrowed.  “May I?” motioning to the photographs.  For answer, Liv released her and Alex took her by the hand and walked to the far corner.  “Are they in a particular order?” she asked as she bent to pick them up from the floor.

“Mostly,” Liv admitted.

“I’ll be careful,” freezing when her eye caught the first image.  “Where...? How...?” her voice full of wonder and curiosity.  She let Olivia guide her to the divan in the room that currently faced the fireplace.  Alex took a seat and met Liv’s brown eyes, now full of concern.  “Liv?”

“Some I had; some the guys did.  Gerry shared a lot with me as did Robert, surprisingly.”

Alex blinked.  “Excuse me?  You talked to Robert?”

“He came by the hospital the other day when I was visiting little Rosa.  Did you know he was on the board there?”  Alex nodded.  “Did you know it’s part of his job to help kids who suffer from some sort of trauma find a place that will help them cope?”  This time Alex shook her head.  “Um hmm....  If she continues to improve like she has been he’s gonna send Rosa to a rehab facility that will help her relearn how to function again.”

“That’s wonderful, Liv.  I was thrilled to hear she was expected to survive, but this could make such a difference for her.”

“Yep.”

“But that doesn’t explain the pictures.”

“We got to talking.  At first I think he was trying to vet me to make sure I was suitable for you.”  She held up her hand to cut off Alex’s tirade before it started.  “Don’t worry, Sweetheart.  I let him have it with both barrels, so to speak.  It made him decide we were more than right for each other.  He said if I could hold my own with you like that, we were well matched.  Then he said he had some things he needed to return to you and asked me if I minded taking them.  When he gave me the box, he placed a photo album on top and told me I should take a look.  I was suspicious, of course, but I was also curious.”

“Curious won?”

“I’m a detective, Alex... of course it won.  How did you get them past Hammond?”

“I refused to give them up. They were all I had left and no amount of threats or pleading was going to make me give them up.”

Olivia nodded as though she’d expected that answer.  “I went through and scanned them into my computer and made copies of the ones I didn’t have and wanted to use.  When I was done, I put the album on your shelves with the rest of them.”

Alex looked again at the picture on top - one of her and Liv taken at the last precinct Christmas party she’d been to before her world fell apart.  There were others - ones of the guys, of her family, of Serena and Abbie and the rest; pictures from her childhood and pictures from the paper when she’d made news as an ADA.  Some of them brought tears to her eyes and others brought smiles.  But all of them brought back memories. 

After her silent perusal, she turned watery eyes on Liv.  “Where are yours?”  Olivia blinked.  “C’mon, Liv,” Alex chided gently.  “I know we may not be ready to move in together yet or exchange rings and vows, but this is your work... your art.  How can you not put a piece of yourself into this collage?”

“What do you mean, Alex?  I’m in a few of the pictures.”

“Yes, but your history isn’t.  None of your mom or of you as a kid - nothing about your accomplishments as a student or a police officer.”

“The wall isn’t about me, Alex.”

“No, but it is about us,” motioning to the two female figures in the center of the wall.  “And it is your art.  Think about it.  Please?”

Liv nodded.  “All right; I’ll think about it.  But no guarantees.  Deal?”

Alex sighed.  “I suppose.”

“Good.  Now tell me about some of these pictures.  I’ve been curious since Gerry gave them to me.”

“You’re going to share how you managed that, right?”

“I asked; she obliged.”

“Just that simple?”

“Just that simple.”

Alex stared at her in amazement for a long moment, then shook her head in disbelief.  “Who’d have thought?” she muttered mostly to herself.

“I had nothing to lose by asking,” Liv confided.  “Besides, it gave her a little chance to reminisce, though she did promise me full stories later.  I figured I’d give you first shot.  I imagine hers will have a lot more embarrassing detail in them.”

Alex covered her eyes with her hand and shook her head.  “I am so doomed.”

“Time to ‘fess up, Cabot - start talking.”

************

“Long time no see, Detective,” Alex greeted when Olivia poked her head around the door.  “What brings you to my house of horrors?” gesturing her inside and watching as Olivia glanced around her office.  She raised an eyebrow when Olivia looked back at her after her perusal.

“It’s different... and impersonal.”

“I know.  I just haven’t gotten round to doing anything much with it.”

“Like you didn’t expect to stay here long?”

“Something like that,” Alex confessed quietly.  “So what can I do for you, Liv?  I know you’re up to your eyeballs in cases.”  She smiled at the inquisitive glance thrown her way.  “We’ve played phone tag for most of the week and I’ve talked to Casey several times.  She’s using a couple interns to do case law research.”

“Careful, Counselor.  You could become a detective with investigative skills like that.”

“I’m not sure the world is ready for that - Alexandra Cabot... Private Dick.  And where would the law degree go with that title?”

Liv smirked.  “I’m sure we could think of something.”  Her phone buzzed and she frowned.  “I was just stopping by to see if we were still on for tonight.”

“As long as you don’t get called away, Sweetheart.”

“Great.  So I’ll see you at seven?”

“I’ll be there with bells on.”

“Thanks, Alex.  I needed the visual,” she said dryly.  “Between the bells and the fedora, I’m not gonna get much else done today.”

Alex couldn’t help it - she burst into laughter.  And Olivia smiled all the way down to the car.

************

“Alex, do you have a minute?” Jim Steele asked when he saw Olivia leave Alex’s office.  She swallowed her sigh.    She’d been hoping to put this confrontation off a while longer.

“Sure, Jim,” beckoning him inside.  He took the invitation and shut the door before taking a seat in front of her desk.  “What can I do for you?”

“I wanted to see how you were doing.  You’ve been gone a while and you’ve been avoiding me since you got back.”

“Jim....”

“Alex, I heard what you said before you left, and you were right… on all counts.  We’ve never been friends and I do have a good thing with Jessica.  However, I’d like to work on the first if you’d be amenable to it.  I think it might make things easier here for everyone if we could at least get along.”

“Well which do you want, Jim?  To be friends or simply get along?

“I’d like the first, but I’d settle for the second.”

Alex held Steele’s eyes for a long moment before nodding.  “We’ll work on it, Jim.  In fact,” she said thoughtfully, “I’ll be having an open house in a few weeks.  Plan to come and bring Jessica with you.”

“We’d love to Alex - thank you.”

She nodded again.  “Anything else?” propping her elbows on her desk and folding her hands, pressing her fingertips against her lips.

Steele took a deep breath.  “I’ve heard rumors....”

“About...?”

“Um... you and a female detective at the one-six.”

“And?”

“Are they true?”

“I suppose that depends on what you’ve heard.  But just for the record, as long as my personal life doesn’t interfere with my work, I don’t see that it’s anyone’s business who is in my personal life.”

He held up his hands.  “Fair enough. I was just going to congratulate you.  She’s a real looker.”

Alex smirked.  “I know.”

Jim stood and went to the door.  “Oh,” he said, turning around with one hand on the doorknob.  “Is the other rumor going around true as well?”

Alex leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms over her chest.  “There are more?  God, I was only gone two months!”

Steele chuckled.  “Remind me one day to fill you in on all the gossip that’s gone flying around here in the two months you were out.  But only one other has a real possibility of being true in my opinion.”

“And that is?”

“I’ve been given to understand that you may not be with us for long because of your interest in forming some sort of non-profit foundation to help victims in some way.  If the first part is true, I hope you’ll reconsider.  If the second part is, I hope you’ll allow me to be a part of it.”

“I appreciate it, Jim.  Thanks.”

He nodded and exited the office, closing the door softly behind him.

************

Olivia blew out a nervous breath when the knock sounded, smoothing her black cocktail dress down smoothly.  “It’s just Alex,” she reassured herself before grasping the knob and pulling the door towards her, only to gasp when she got a good look at her date for the evening. 

Alex was dressed in a light gray silk pantsuit with a royal blue shirt that not only lent color to the ensemble, but also brought out the depth of her eyes in an almost startling fashion.  “May I come in?” Alex asked with a hint of amusement when Liv’s stare went on for several moments.  Even her olive-toned skin color couldn’t hide Liv’s blush and she opened the door wider for Alex to enter her apartment.

She took the flowers Alex offered her, lifting them to her nose to inhale the delicate fragrance.  Then she gave Alex a shy smile.  “They’re beautiful.”

“Very much like you,” Alex assured her, smiling as another wave of color washed over Olivia’s features.

“Let me just put these in some water,” Liv said, motioning Alex further inside.  “Would you like something to drink or...?” clenching her hands to hide the shaking.

Alex caught Olivia’s hands, gently chafing them with her thumbs.  “Liv... take a deep breath and relax.  It’s just me - Alex - who has found you charming and infuriating and beautiful and frustrating and captivating and downright impossible for as long as I’ve known you.  It’s just us - no burdens or expectations beyond what we place on ourselves, all right?  This night is going to be what we want it to be.”

Olivia nodded.  “I’m not sure why I’m so nervous about this.  I mean, it’s not like either of us are new to the dating scene or romantic entanglements.  So I’m not sure why....”  She let her voice trail off.

“It’s a little scary realizing something you’ve wished for... hoped for... for so long might actually be happening for real, isn’t it?  Almost like you’re afraid that if you let it happen, it won’t be everything you’ve dreamed of and you’ll never find the happiness that has eluded you your whole life.”

“How did you know?”

“Because I’m scared of the same thing, Liv... only worse.  Because I’m the one who screwed everything up so badly in the first place, and I know I won’t get another chance at this if I screw it up again.”  Alex took a deep breath, hoping to steady her voice.  “Now would you like to go out tonight, Ms Benson or shall we call for take-out and stay in?”

“As hot as you are and after all the work I did to look this good?  We’re going out on the town, Ms Cabot.  Though for the record,” letting her eyes roam Alex’s figure from head to toe, “I kinda miss those blue jeans.”

“Tell you what, Detective - you can plan the next date.  Just make sure it’s something I can wear blue jeans to.”

“Planning ahead, Counselor?”

“Always, Liv.  Now c’mon... before we miss our reservation.”

************

The night was amazing. For the first time, Olivia understood what it was like to be the sole focus of someone’s world and Alex realized how precious what she and Olivia shared really was.  They held hands as Alex walked Liv back to her door at the end of the evening.

“Do you want to come in?” Liv asked as they reached her apartment.  Alex released Olivia’s hand and shook her head.

“I promised you slow.  If I come in, I’m not going home tonight,” letting Olivia see the raw need and desire in her eyes.  Liv inhaled sharply.

“I’m not sure I could let you go at all,” she confessed.

“That’s why I have to leave.  When the time comes, I want you to be sure.”

Liv tangled her hands in Alex’s hair, tugging gently until their lips met.  Alex put her hands on Olivia’s waist, drawing them together until there was no space left.  The kiss went on for long moments, tongues dueling for dominance even as they struggled for breath.  Finally they separated with obvious reluctance, chests heaving as they fought for air.  Liv loosened her grip and traced Alex’s lips, gasping when they were sucked into a warm, wet mouth.

“You make me feel... so much.”

Alex leaned in and kissed her again - hard and fast.  “Goodnight, Sweetheart,” taking a step back and letting her hands drop to her side.

“Goodnight, Beautiful,“ smiling again when Liv’s eyes dropped to the ground.  Alex turned and headed to the stairs and Liv watched her go before turning back to her door and slipping inside with a smile on her face.

************

“Benson.”

“Detective Benson, this is Kurt Moss.”  Olivia pulled the phone from her ear and looked at it before putting it back to her ear. 

“Mr. Moss - this is a surprise.  What can I do for you?”

Kurt Moss cleared his throat.  “I just wanted to let you know about a phone call I received this morning from a man named Simon Marsden.  He felt he had some information I might be interested in - as a newspaper editor.”

“Concerning?”

“You... and Bureau Chief Alexandra Cabot.”

“I see.”

“Not to worry, Olivia.  I turned him down cold and I tried to set him straight.  But I don’t think he was listening and I’m not the only newspaperman in town.  And you were spotted out together over the weekend.”

Olivia was silent for a long moment.  “Thank you, Kurt.  You really didn’t have to.”

“Yes, I did,” he retorted.  “I told you, Olivia... I really do like you.   And true or not, we aren’t a gossip rag.  Even the social pages are factual.  Now if Ms Cabot wanted to talk to us - that would be a different matter.”

“Can I give you a call back?  I think I may be able to return the favor.  It wouldn’t be gossip, but it might be newsworthy.”

“Absolutely.”

“Thanks, Kurt.”

************

“This is wonderful, Liv.  Great way to spend a beautiful afternoon,” Alex said as she stretched out and put her head in Olivia’s lap.  “How did you manage to get the time off in the middle of a workday?”  Liv chuckled.

“I called in a favor.  What I’d like to know is how you managed to have those jeans available at a moment’s notice,” motioning down Alex’s body.

Alex smirked, crossing her arms over her chest and her ankles simultaneously.  “Some detective you are.  Olivia, all my jeans fit like this.  And I learned to keep clothes in the office a long time ago.  These have been waiting a long time; I never had the chance to play hooky before.”

“Never?”

“Not with someone I wanted to play with.”  Alex shifted, curling up a little and turning slightly to look up at Olivia.  “So what’s up?” smiling when Liv cocked an eyebrow at her.  “C’mon, Detective.  I know there is something more than playing hooky together going on here. Don’t make me squeeze it out of you,” wrapping her arm around Liv’s waist and pressing her face against the flat belly.  Olivia drew in a deep breath and idly ran her hands through Alex’s blonde locks.

“Kurt Moss called me earlier,” feeling Alex stiffen momentarily before she relaxed.  “My brother... Simon... called him offering him information about us.  About the fact that we are together... as a couple.”

“And?  Liv, when I finally stopped pretending to be the Alex Cabot I thought everyone else wanted me to be, I decided I was going to be who I am regardless of what anyone else wanted or thought.”

“So you don’t care if he outs you to the world?  What about your career?”

Alex shrugged.  “I like what I do, Liv, and I’m good at it.  But it’s no longer the be all and end all for me.  And if I can’t keep working at the DA’s office, I’ll find something else.  I’ve put out feelers on the victim’s foundation we talked about - there’s a lot of interest out there.  I could easily make it my life’s work.”

“And me?  Alex, all I know is being a cop.”

Alex stretched, propping her head on her hand and gazing up into Olivia’s eyes.  “Sweetheart, I’m not saying we should put an ad in the Times or the Post.  Personally I don’t think most people would care, but I’d never deliberately put you or your job in danger, and I’m not naive enough to think something like that wouldn’t.  So I’m going to leave it up to you.  We can do or not do whatever you think is best.”  Alex pulled her arm from Liv’s waist and tangled their fingers together.  “I just want you to know I’m not ashamed of you.  Whatever you want to do is fine with me.”

Liv gave Alex a crooked smile, stroking her fingers gently through Alex’s hair.  “Witness Protection really did change you, didn’t it?  I think I like the change.”

Alex trailed her thumb along Olivia’s knuckles.  “Do you?”

“Yeah,” Liv replied after a bit of thought.  “It’s made you a little softer.”

“I’ll have to work on that,” Alex said dryly.

“Don’t,” Liv said, leaning over to brush her lips over Alex’s.  “I really do like it.”  She sighed.  “Outing us aside, I was wondering if you might want to talk to Kurt anyway.  Maybe stir up some public interest for the new foundation you want to establish.”

“Do you think he’d want to print something about that? It’s still in the planning stages, you know.  And not nearly as juicy as the rumors about us he’s heard.”

“Why don’t we ask him?  I think he might like that kind of exclusive a lot better than the gossip.”  She paused.  “Thanks Alex.”

“For what, Liv?”

“Trusting me.”

“I always have.”

************

“Mr. Moss.”

“Ms Cabot,” gesturing to the seat across from him.  “Thank you for joining me.”

“Thank you for inviting me.   I know this is a little awkward....”

“Surprisingly, not really, Ms Cabot.  I learned a long time ago how to compartmentalize things to keep my professional life separate from my personal one.  And to be frankly honest with you, I care enough about Olivia to want her to find happiness even if I can’t be the one to give it to her.  That doesn’t mean however, that I want to be friends with either of you.  I’m not a big enough man to do that right now.”

“I understand that and I appreciate the sentiment.  Let me assure you you’re a far bigger human being than most, including myself, would be about this.  Are you certain you want to do this?”

“Ms Cabot, I’m a newshound first and foremost and you’re offering me an exclusive interview about a foundation that can make a difference for victims here in Manhattan as well as around the country.  I’d make a deal with the devil himself for that kind of press.”

“How lucky you’re talking to me then,” Alex returned with a smile.  “The detectives at the one-six used to call me their very own Devil.”

Moss smiled.  “I imagine there are a number of people who still do.”

Alex laughed.  “Probably so.  Shall we get this started then?”

The interview went smoothly - Moss was a well-respected reporter for a reason and his questions were relevant and to the point.  For her part, Alex was well versed in how to handle an interview and both wound up being satisfied with the final result of their talk.

“Ms Cabot?” he queried as they were preparing to leave.  “May I ask you a personal question... off the record?”  Alex had a feeling she knew where this was headed, but figured the man had earned the right to ask.  So she nodded her head slowly, her eyes never leaving his.  “Do you love her, Ms Cabot?  Do you make her happy?”

Alex conveniently ignored the fact that he’d asked two questions and nodded without hesitation.  “I do, Mr. Moss.  On some level, I always have... even when I was trying not to.”  She tilted her head and considered her answer to the second question.  “As for the other, I like to think I do, but you’d have to ask Liv to know for sure.  I know that she makes me happy though and I am trying to do the same for her.”

He studied her a moment.  “Fair enough,” he finally acknowledged, nodding his head.  He held out his hand.  “Thank you, Ms Cabot.  I appreciate your candor.”

************

“So how did it go?”

“Well, I don’t think we’ll be friends anytime soon, but I think he was happy with his exclusive.”

Olivia nodded and wrapped Alex in her arms from behind, leaning her chin on the shoulder in front of her.  “That’s a start, I guess.  Maybe one day.”

“Maybe.  But for now I’m starved.  What’s for dinner?”

“Pick your poison,” Liv instructed as she offered Alex a handful of takeout menus.  “I’m buying.”

Alex grinned.  “In that case, I want a burger and fries.  A real burger,” she admonished with a shake of her finger in Olivia’s direction.  “No McDonald’s or Burger King.”

“Spoilsport,” Liv complained wearing her own grin.  “Grab your jacket.”

“What?”

Olivia rolled her eyes and snatched the jacket from the closet, holding it open for Alex to put on before she opened the door.  “If we’re getting burgers and fries, we’re going out for the good stuff.  And that means going out and not taking out.  So let’s go,” sweeping her arm out in front of her in a grand gesture.

“Have I mentioned how bossy you’re getting lately?”

“Oh Sweetheart - bossy hasn’t even entered the room yet.  The handcuffs are still on my belt.”

Blue eyes widened comically.  Brown eyes twinkled in devilish delight.

************

“So how are you doing, Alex?  A lot has changed since our last session.”  Janet settled comfortably in her chair sipping from her tea as she observed Alex Cabot do the same.

“I’m good,” she said at last.  “I feel... more comfortable.  More settled in my own skin.”

“Is this because of Olivia?”

“Partly, I suppose.  We’re gradually moving towards becoming more than friends - actually going out on dates like any other couple does.”

“You say that like you never expected to be doing that together.”

Alex sighed and turned her gaze towards the window.  “I wasn’t sure we ever would, to tell you the truth.  Olivia’s a very private person and right now she’s dictating the pace of our relationship, Janet.”

“Why?”

Sharp blue eyes tracked to open brown.  “What do you mean, why?”

“It seems like a simple question, Alex.  Why is Olivia dictating the pace of your relationship?  If you’re not participating, it’s not really a relationship, is it?”

“It’s not like that.”

“Then explain it to me, Alex.”

Alex sighed and rose, rubbing the outside of her arms briskly as she walked to the window.  Janet followed her progress with her eyes, though she didn’t move from her seat.  “The easy explanation?  She deserves the chance to choose how things go between us for a change.”

“She hasn’t before?”

“Not really.  We were both hesitant the first time and then my arrogance landed me in witness protection.”

“And the second?”

“C’mon, Jan.  You’ve been my therapist since I returned to stay.  You know what happened when I came home - what I did... who I became.”

“And are you someone different with Olivia?”

Alex turned from the window, her smile blinding in her intensity.  “I am myself again.  I’m the Alex Cabot I want to be... not the one everyone else expects me to be.  And this Alex Cabot wants Olivia Benson to be completely comfortable with us as a couple... in her time.”

“You know that may never happen, Alex.  She’s a cop; can she really afford to be out?”

Alex met Janet’s eyes firmly and held them without flinching.  “That is why she is dictating the pace, Janet.  The guys she works with and a few of our closest friends know about us.  If that is all that ever know, it will be enough.  And if she decides to take out a billboard in Times Square and announce it to the world - that will be okay too.  I know who I am now and who she is to me.  Everything else is just so much icing on the cake.”

Janet smiled.  “That’s wonderful, Alex - a major step for you.”

“Are you calling me a control freak?”

“If the shoe fits,” Janet replied drolly.  “Though I was actually referring to the milestone you’ve achieved here.  You’ve finally found the place in your life where you determine your own happiness instead of letting everyone try and force their ideas and ideals on you.  How do you feel?”

Alex took a moment to think about the question.  “Settled,” she finally said.  “At peace.”

“Even with Olivia dictating the pace of your romantic relationship.”

“Yes... because she is back in my life again and I know that sooner or later, we’ll move forward.  I can see the desire in her eyes.”

“Bring her by sometime,” Janet said.  “I’d like to meet her.”

“All right.  I’ll ask her.  In the meantime, you and your husband plan to come to my housewarming in a few weeks.  I should have the details next visit.  If nothing else, you can meet her then.”

“We’ll be there, Alex.  Thanks.”

************

Olivia parked the car and grinned.  “I figured this would be right up your alley,” motioning to the haunted house outside the window.  She got out and went around to the passenger door, taking Alex’s hand and helping her out.  Then she tugged Alex towards the steps.

“Oh you did?  Something in my profile told you I like being scared out of my mind?  Or did you bring me here planning to be my hero?”

“Why, Ms Cabot, are you accusing me of ulterior motives?”

“Oh I hope so, Detective Benson.”

“Well, you did say for me to pick something to get you back into those jeans, didn’t you?” dark eyes perusing the lithe form in front of them.  “And what better way to celebrate Halloween?  Besides,” Liv said as she reached into her jacket for her wallet, “it’s for a good cause.”

She paid the witch at the top of the steps the entrance fee for two, then waited for Frankenstein to open the front door for them.  The sounds that emanated from inside caused them to exchange glances, then they stepped across the threshold, jumping when the door slammed shut behind them. 

Alex clutched Olivia’s hand a little tighter.  Liv smiled, leaning in to whisper into Alex’s ear.  “Don’t worry, Counselor.  I’ll protect you from things that go bump in the night,” nipping lightly on the lobe near her lips.

Alex couldn’t contain the gasp the unexpected touch elicited, and she turned to face Liv in the dark, letting her free hand clench into a fist at Olivia’s waist.  With unerring accuracy, her lips found Olivia’s ear and Liv could hear the smirk in Alex’s voice.  “Maybe... but who’s going to protect you from me, Detective?”  She felt Liv shiver, but before they could go any further, the door opened and a gaggle of teenagers entered the house.  Liv pulled them just out of the traffic mainstream, not wanting to be in the middle of a group of squealing kids when the door slammed shut.

Fortunately, the sound of the screams covered their laughter and after the kids moved further into the house, Liv took Alex by the hand again.  “C’mon, Beautiful.  Let’s do this and then we can go have dinner at the Country House.”

“You’ve got yourself a date, Sweetheart.”

************

“This is nice,” Alex said sleepily as she curled up more firmly into Olivia’s body.

“So the haunted house was worth it?”

“I’d suffer a lot scarier things if I could find myself curled into your arms every night, Liv,” Alex confessed.

Olivia didn’t answer with words right away.  Instead she kissed the top of the blonde head tucked beneath her chin and wrapped her arms more securely around Alex’s form, pulling them together more tightly.  She breathed in their mingled scent and whispered into Alex’s ear, “Me too,” before drifting off into sleep.

************

“So how was your Halloween date?” Jo asked as she sat down across from Olivia in the hospital cafeteria.  They had both come to see little Rosa off to the rehab center and had decided to get a cup of coffee before heading back to work.  The little girl had made such an impact on both of them in the brief time she had been in their lives and they wanted a few minutes to regroup before returning to the real world that made up their lives as detectives.

Liv smiled.  “It was great.  The haunted house the Sisters allowed the kids to put on was really well done and Alex wore those blue jeans,” she added with a chuckle and a waggle of her eyebrows.

“Perv,” Jo teased as she sipped her coffee with only a tiny grimace.  It was still better than the sludge they had at the precinct.  “Who knew you had a denim fetish?”

“I don’t,” Olivia stated succinctly.  “I have an Alex fetish.”

“Does that mean...?”

Liv shook her head.  “Not like... I mean... yeah, we’ve slept together, but not like you mean.  We were actually sleeping... taking comfort in having one another close.”

Jo blinked.  “Are you kidding me?  With all the fire and passion I’ve seen in the two of you?”

“Why are you so interested?” Liv asked with a bit of ire in her voice.  “It’s not like what Alex and I do or don’t share as a couple really concerns you.”

“Maybe,” Jo acknowledged as green eyes met brown.  “But you’ve been my friend for a long time, Liv.  We’ve seen each other through some rough patches.  I just want you to take whatever happiness you can find - to have something for yourself like I have with Blair.  And I think Alex Cabot may be the one for you to share that with... mind, spirit and body.”

“I think she is, Jo.  She’s already such a big part of me.”

“Then why the hesitation?  You afraid she’s not willing to commit to you?”  Olivia shook her dark head, eyes trained on her coffee cup.  “So what then?  You don’t think you’re allowed to be happy?”

“We already are, Jo.  As much as I fought and grumbled against it, we are very happy together.”

“Then what’s the issue?  Surely she wants to be with you physically... I mean, c’mon.  You two have been dancing around the attraction you’ve felt for each other for years.”

Liv glared at Jo before relenting.  Jo had been one of the few, including Elliot to call her on shit from the very beginning of their relationship.  It had gotten Jo into trouble more than once, especially as a rookie, but to Olivia it was a true indication of the strength of their friendship.

“If you must know,” the look in Jo’s eyes confirming that she did indeed need to know, “I don’t want to rush this.  I want to enjoy being with her - getting to know who Alex Cabot is now.”

Jo cleared her throat as she nodded her head.  “All right... I can understand that.  But don’t you remember how quickly it can all be taken away?  Could you live with the regrets you’d have if something happened tomorrow?”

“Yes... because this time there would be no regrets; this time we know where we stand with each other and what we want.  It’s going to happen, but right now we are both enjoying the courtship part of this relationship.  It’s different from anything we’ve ever had before - with each other or anyone else.  We’d be fools not to appreciate it.  The passion is still there - it’s just simmering beneath the surface.”

Jo smiled.  “I understand that too.  I’ve got something very similar. I just hope it doesn’t take you two as long as it took me and Blair.”  She stood and Liv followed suit.  “It’s nice to see you relaxed and happy,” she added at Liv’s nod.  “You wear it well.”

“I’m enjoying it.  Who knew making out and cuddling could be so satisfying?”

“Heh... that’s one of the nicest parts of being an old married couple.  There’s always someone to make out and cuddle up with.”

“Just for the record - I’m not patient enough to wait fourteen years before making a move.”

Jo chuckled.  “I doubt Alex is either.”  They threw away the remainder of their coffee and walked out the hospital doors.   “So we’ll see you and Alex on Thanksgiving?” Jo queried as they walked towards the parking lot.  She smirked when Olivia tilted her head and frowned.  “Alex invited us for dinner.”

“Oh... then, yes.  I was afraid I was suddenly going senile.”

“Nah... you’ve still got a few good years left in ya, Granny.”

“Why I oughta....”

“You’d have to catch me first, Liv.”

“Hey!  I can still out run Stabler, ya know.”

Jo snickered.  “An old married man with a houseful of kids.  It’s a wonder he can still put on matching socks.”

“I think Kathy checks before she lets him leave the house.”

They laughed and got into their vehicles, heading back to their respective precincts.

************

“Cabot.”

“Carmichael.”

“One second, Abbie.”  Alex shifted the phone to her shoulder, but Abbie could still hear her words clearly.  “I don’t care what you think.  I am telling you to rejoin us back on the planet Earth and get this done, or I’m going to be happy to send you to the moon myself, courtesy of a pair of steel-toed cowboy boots.”  There was the sound of a door slamming, then Abbie heard Alex sigh before she spoke.  “Hey, Abbie.  What’s up?”

“Rough day?”

“Rough month.  For some reason, the interns think that since Thanksgiving is next week, they can shirk their work all month.  I’m ready to....”

“... send them to the moon via your cowboy boots - I heard,” Abbie said with a chuckle.

“Some days I wonder why I decided to come back to the DA’s office,” Alex confirmed with a sigh, running a hand through her hair.  “So what can I do for you, Ms Carmichael?  When are you coming up?”

“I thought I’d come up Friday night - I’m taking the whole week off.  I want to see some of this kitchen prowess I’ve heard about in action.”

“Oh ye of little faith.  Sure... come on up.  It’ll give you and Casey a chance to spend some time together too.”

“Yeah... I’d thought of that.  Besides, I’m looking forward to catching up with you and Liv.  I miss you guys.”  She paused.  “How’s that going anyway?”

“Slowly,” Alex confessed with a sigh.  “But it’s kind of nice.  We’re spending time together, learning about each other.  Did you know Olivia had never ridden a carousel before?  We saw Shakespeare in the park because we both did some summer theatre in college.  We rode the Staten Island Ferry... just because it was a nice day.  We played Frisbee and went to a jazz club and ate hot dogs on the corner in Times Square.”

“Sounds wonderful, Alex.”

“It has been, Abbie.  As badly as I want things to move forward between us, I’m enjoying this time with her.”

“So why aren’t you moving things forward?  I’ve never known you to hesitate when you had a target within your sights.”

“I’m leaving it to Liv, Abbie.  She’s setting the pace this time.”

“I always knew you were a closet romantic.”

“And if you spread that around, I’ll have to duct tape you to the bed, Carmichael.”

“Oooh, Cabot - does Liv know you’re so kinky?”

Red flamed Alex’s face and Abbie’s laughter made it worse.  “Not talking to you anymore, Carmichael,” she muttered.

“Ah, c’mon, Cabot.  I think Liv might like to know this about you.  She might enjoy it.”

“As much as Casey will to know you’re a bottom with a duct tape fetish?”

“You wouldn’t... it’s not even true!”

“Try me.”

“You’re no fun, Alexandra.”

“Good of you to notice, Abigail.  So what time Friday?  Should we pick you up?”

“I don’t want to mess up your plans, Alex.  I can grab a cab and a hotel room and come over sometime Saturday.”

“Time, Abbie.”  Alex’s voice was firm and uncompromising.

“Did anyone ever tell you you’re bossy?”

“Every single day - comes with being the boss.  Now tell me when and where or I’ll sic Liv on you.  She’s got a gun, you know.”

“You really are kinky, Cabot.  I’m taking the train up.  If it runs on time I should be in Penn around seven.”

“All right.  We’ll pick you up there and go out for dinner.”

“Thanks, Alex.”

“Anytime, Abbie.  See you Friday.”

************

“You have a bossy girlfriend, Benson.”

Olivia laughed, causing every head in the bullpen to swing in her direction.  “You’ve known Alex how long, Abbie?  And you’re just now figuring this out?”

“What can I tell you - I’m obviously slow,” Abbie drawled.  “Actually, I don’t think I’ve ever had it turned in my direction before now.  How do you put up with it?”

“Surprisingly, she’s not bossy with me.  In fact....”  Her voice trailed off thoughtfully.

“Don’t over think it, Benson.  She’s letting you set the pace.”

Stunned silence.  “She told you this?”

“Between gushing about how good things are going with the two of you and threatening me, yeah.”

“I’d like to hear what brought on the threats.”

“Maybe at dinner Friday.”

“Dinner Friday sounds great.  Anywhere in particular?”

“I figure you or Alex will do the choosing.  I’m just along for the ride.”

“I know that feeling.”  Muffled sounds over the phone.  “Hey, Abbie - I’ve gotta go.  Talk to you later?”

“See you Friday.”

************

“Hey, Alex - what’s up?” Casey asked, motioning the Bureau Chief into her office as she tucked the phone under her chin.  She hung up with a click of her fingers then started pushing buttons.

“I can come back if you’re busy,” stopping when Casey shook her head.

“If you wait til I’m not busy, it might be years... or never.”

Alex smiled and dropped gracefully into a seat in front of Casey’s desk.  “You’re having that kind of week too, hmm?  Must be something in the air,” she added at the wry look Casey gave her.  “I’ve had to threaten to get out the boots.”

Casey laughed.  “I heard.  I’d pay good money to see that,” she said, then held up her hand before Alex could respond.  “I’ve got your warrant, but I’ve got to be in court in ten minutes.”  A pause.  “All right, I’ll....”  She looked at Alex who was nodding at her.  “I’ll leave it with Alex.  All right... bye.”  She shook her head.  “Sorry... Judge Terhune is demanding my presence in court,” she said, standing and gathering her files.

“Still getting payback for that poker game interruption, huh?”  Alex chuckled at the befuddled look on Casey’s face as she rose to her feet.  “Like that wasn’t one of the first things I heard about when I came back for the Conners’ trial.  It was a great tension breaker.”

Casey smiled.  “Glad to have contributed something good to that experience,” holding out the warrant.  “Thanks,” motioning with a nod of her head.  “Was there something I could do for you... a reason you stopped by, I mean?”

“Oh... yes - would you like to join us for dinner tomorrow night?  Abbie’s coming in and I thought we’d go have fondue or something.  Nice way to unwind for the weekend.”

“That sounds great, Alex.  I’d love to.”

“Wonderful.  We’ll pick you up around six-thirty.”  She glanced at her watch.  “You better get a move on; you don’t want Terhune to hit you with contempt... especially now.  They all get bitchy around the holidays.”

Casey snagged her briefcase and gestured Alex out the door in front of her.  “You ever think about being a judge, Alex?”

“Is that your subtle way of telling me I’m bitchy, Novak?”

Casey colored, but held the blue eyes steadily, her green ones alight with laughter.  “Not at all, Chief.  But you’ve gotta admit that look could go a long way in a courtroom.”

“So could a gavel, but I wouldn’t be allowed to throw it at anyone so what’s the point?”

Casey didn’t answer; just snorted and shook her head, waving as the elevator closed behind her.  Alex took the stairs back up to her office, wondering whom the warrant was for.

She didn’t have to wonder long.  She had barely settled into the chair behind her desk when a knock sounded on her door.  “Yes?”  The door opened and a dark head poked in.  Alex’s features creased into a warm smile and she stood and moved to greet the detective that crossed the threshold.  Olivia didn’t hesitate, but walked into Alex’s arms and held her tightly for a long moment.  Alex returned the embrace fiercely, only pulling back enough to look into Liv’s eyes when the pressure eased slightly.  She pushed dark hair from dark eyes and cupped Olivia’s face.  “Liv?”

Olivia turned her face towards Alex’s hand, brushing a kiss over her palm and smiling at the slight shuddering she felt ripple through Alex’s body.  Then she leaned forward, taking Alex’s hand in hers and cupping her other around the back of Alex’s neck until their lips were just touching.  Alex’s eyes fluttered closed but Olivia didn’t move any closer, waiting.  A very long moment of utter stillness, and Alex surged forward, capturing Olivia’s lips with unbridled passion.  Liv smiled into the kiss, then focused on returning it wholeheartedly.

Slowly, Liv pulled back, moving her thumb to wipe away Alex’s smeared lipstick with a smile.  “So, dinner tonight?”

“Um hmm,” Alex agreed dreamily.  Olivia snatched the warrant from Alex’s desk and dropped a kiss on her cheek before heading for the door.

“I’ll pick you up at eight... and wear something sexy.”  Before Alex could respond, Liv was gone. Alex just shook her head.  It was going to be an interesting night.

************

Well... thought Alex, it would have been an interesting night if it hadn’t been for the phone call that had snatched Olivia away so early into their evening.  Liv had picked her up promptly at eight just like she’d promised; the look of desire and appreciation more than enough to make up for the time Alex had spent looking for an appropriately sexy outfit.  Liv had leaned in for a kiss, deepening it for long moments and allowing her fingers to trail up Alex’s bare back and sides and delighting in the shivers that followed her light touch.  Then she pulled away and took Alex by the hand, leading her to the car before proceeding to drive them back across town to her own apartment.  Alex’s brows rose to her hairline in question, but Olivia remained tightlipped, simply escorting Alex to her door without a word.

When they reached the door, Olivia pulled them to a stop and gazed at Alex as though memorizing her outfit.  Red come-fuck-me heels accented toned calves.  The white dress, partially hidden by the now open coat was reminiscent of Marilyn Monroe’s famous ‘Seven Year Itch’ costume, though this one had a red belt accenting the smallness of Alex’s waist and the feminine flair of her hips.  Liv reached out a hand to touch the material, only to discover that silk had nothing on Alex’s smooth, pale skin.  Her other hand dug into her pocket for an instant and it gave Alex the chance to once again be impressed just how amazing Olivia Benson looked in black.

There was her trademark leather jacket, of course.  Her slacks were black - soft looking, though Alex couldn’t distinguish the fabric on sight.  The tight sweater she wore dipped low enough to give Alex more than a hint of tanned, toned cleavage and a good look at the inscribed pendant she’d had made for Olivia.  It had been delivered just after.... Her thoughts trailed off and she briefly wondered what had happened to the other necklace - the pearl necklace identical to the one she wore that they’d exchanged early in their friendship.  Hers had disappeared the night she’d been shot and she hadn’t seen Olivia wear hers since that night.

Olivia reached for her hand and it brought Alex out of her musing just long enough to force a gasp from her lungs.  In Liv’s hand, dangling from between two fingers was an object she recognized but had hardly dared hope to see again... especially not so soon after their reconciliation.

“It’s been brought to my attention that I’m the one setting the pace in our relationship.  So I thought I’d step it up a little bit,” passing the key to Alex and watching her hand shake just slightly as she clasped it tightly.

“Are you sure, Liv?”

“I’m sure, Alex.”  She took her own key out and pushed the door open.  What else she would have said was lost in Alex’s exclamation.

The room was lit in candles, the light hint of cinnamon wafting through the air along with hints of garlic, basil, oregano and other spices that foretold the presence of Italian food in the vicinity.  A small table in the corner was dressed for dinner in a manner akin to the most posh restaurants Alex had ever eaten in.  A bottle of wine sat chilling in a bucket beside the table and soft music floated across the room subtly.

Alex turned an astounded look in Olivia’s direction, but the detective merely blushed and shrugged.  “I thought we’d eat in.”

Alex didn’t answer verbally.  Instead she closed the door firmly behind them and took Olivia’s face in her hands before kissing her soundly.  They hung their coats up then she allowed Liv to lead her to the table and seat her before bringing their food in from the kitchen.

Alex poured the wine and Olivia took a seat and they dug in with relish.  Alex closed her eyes as the flavor hit her tongue and she moaned in ecstasy.  “Luigi’s?”

“Olivia’s,” Liv said with a grin and a wicked twinkle.  Alex scrambled to finish swallowing without choking and dropped her jaw in surprise.

“Seriously?” watching Liv nod.  “God, Liv... you’re in the wrong line of work.  I think we should chuck civil service and open a restaurant.  We’d make a fortune.”

Liv chuckled.  “I take it you like it then?”

“If I didn’t already love you, this would push me right over the line,” Alex proclaimed, then stilled when she got a good look at Olivia’s gobsmacked expression.

“You love me?”

“I never stopped, Liv.  Despite everything, that was the one constant in my life... even if I was the only one who knew.  I’m sorry it took me so long to tell you.”

“Never be sorry... not about that,” Olivia instructed as she covered Alex’s hand with her own.  “Everything happens in its own time and way for a reason.  As long as you promise to tell me every morning when we wake up and every night before we go to bed, I can let it slide,” her smile teasing and beatific.

“Is that right, Detective?” Alex asked, her voice barely quavering.  “And would this sentiment be exchanged or would it remain a one-sided conversation?”

“I think an exchange could be arranged if you were interested, Counselor.”

“Oh... I most definitely am, Oli....”  Her response was cut off by the imperative ringing of a cell phone and one look at Olivia’s face made Alex realize it was important.  “Work?”  Liv nodded.  “Go... I’ll still be here when you get back.”

Olivia rose and crossed to Alex’s side, pushing the hair back over one ear and cupping her face tenderly.  “I love you,” she whispered, capturing Alex’s lips for the briefest moment.  Then she was up and out the door, barely stopping long enough to snatch her coat before closing the door soundly behind her.

Alex had cleaned up, placing the leftovers in the fridge and washing the dishes before blowing out most of the candles and stretching out on the couch with a moan.  The music remained on low and without realizing it, Alex allowed herself to be lulled to sleep.

************

It was well after two a.m. when Olivia crossed the threshold back into her apartment.  She took one look at the beautiful blonde curled up on her couch and felt some of the exhaustion fall from her shoulders.  She hung her coat up soundlessly, then went directly into the bathroom, running a hot shower and standing beneath it for several minutes.  Then she scrubbed clean and dried off vigorously, shaking her head at the clothes now scattered on her bathroom floor.  Hopefully Mrs. Rasmuten would be able to salvage them.  God knew she was used to dealing with the kind of clothing issues Olivia brought to her by now - she had years of practice.

Liv slipped into a comfortable pair of lounge pants and a tank, scooping up her dirty clothes and towel and dumping them into the hamper before heading back into the living room.  She knelt beside Alex, gently stroking her cheek and smiling as the fair lashes fluttered and the blue eyes opened.

“Hey, Beautiful,” Liv whispered.  Alex caught her wandering hand and brought the fingers to her lips, brushing a light kiss over the tips.

“Hey, Gorgeous.  You all right?” noting the sadness in the depths of the brown eyes she loved.

“I will be.  Come to bed with me?  Just to sleep,” she added ruefully.  “Despite my earlier plans and any current desire, I’m too damned tired for anything else.”

“‘Kay... love you,” Alex murmured, remembering their agreement.

“Love you too,” Olivia replied, kissing her forehead.

Alex tugged the hand she held and Olivia took the hint, standing and urging Alex to her feet with a tug.  Then they made their way to Liv’s bedroom, collapsing into one big tangle and dropping into sleep almost immediately.  They never even realized when the sun came up.

************

Olivia woke up late, noticing immediately that the bed beside her was empty and the sheets were cold to the touch.  She breathed in deeply, then smiled at the myriad of scents she detected - cinnamon, left from the candles; coffee; Alex and....  She hesitated, then sat up on one elbow, noticing the deep red blush of the rose and hearing the crinkle of paper.  She lifted the flower to her nose with a silly grin and opened the paper, grin growing even wider as the faintest hint of jasmine wafted to her.

    Liv, (it read)

    You were sleeping so peacefully I didn’t have the heart to wake you.  I had to get to work, but I wanted you to know I love you.  Have a good day and I’ll see you around six-thirty.  Maybe tonight we won’t be too tired.

    The Devil you know :-)

Olivia couldn’t stop the blush that raced across her face.  She reached for her phone and flipped it open, hitting the speed dial and waiting for it to be picked up on the other end.  When it was answered, all she said was, “I love you too, Devil,” then clicked it shut.  There was work to do before night fell.

No one dared ask Alex Cabot about the sudden color that washed over her cheeks.

************

“I haven’t been on a double date since I was fifteen years old,” Abbie commented as she plopped onto the couch several hours after dinner.  She laughed at the arched brow Alex cast in her direction, twisting the top of the beer Alex offered her and taking a big swig from the bottle.  “I’d forgotten what it was like waiting for two horny teenagers to say goodnight before Mama started flashing the porch light.”

Alex flushed.  “We weren’t that bad... were we?”

Abbie chuckled.  “Maybe not quite, but you might want to consider jumping her bones sooner rather than later.  I’m almost certain you two were close to breaking a few laws tonight.”

“Jealous much?”

“Not at all.  After ten minutes, I peeked.  At fifteen, I checked again.  If it had gone to twenty I was going to come ask for the keys.”

Alex took a swallow from her own beer and slammed her head against the back of the couch.  “She’s making me crazy, Abbie.”

“She must be doing something right, Cabot.  You’re practically glowing.”  Abbie cocked her head and grinned.  “You’re not pregnant, are you?”

Alex swung at her, landing the flat of her hand on Abbie’s shoulder and nearly upsetting her beer.  Abbie’s grin turned to a glare before she chuckled at the outrage covering Alex’s face.

“Um... no.  But she gave me a key.”

“That’s fabulous, Alex.”

Alex grinned.  “Um hmm.”

“So does that mean you’ve...?” waggling her hand.

“Not yet, but at least we’re moving forward again.”

“I thought patience was a virtue.”

“I’ve been about as virtuous as I can stand. C’mon.  I need cookies,” standing and holding out her hand.

Abbie groaned.  “How can you even think about food after all that fondue we just ate?”

“Do I need to remind you about the calories Liv and I were so recently burning?”

Abbie slammed her eyes shut and laid her hands over her ears.  “I’m not listening.  It was bad enough to be stuck there waiting.”

Alex had the good grace to look penitent. “Sorry, Abbie....” trailing off when Abbie held up her hand.

“Alex, it’s all right.  I would’ve caught a ride with Casey instead if she hadn’t gotten that call from Munch,” Abbie confided as she rose and followed Alex down to the kitchen.  “It would have given us a little time to catch up.”

“Long distance is hard, hmm?”

“In some ways.  But it’s nice in others.  It’s really hard to rush into anything when you’re hundreds of miles apart.  We’ll have to come to some sort of arrangement eventually, but for now this is working for us.  She’s been amazingly patient and understanding.”  Brown eyes cut to blue as Abbie took a seat at the island at Alex’s behest. “You two could probably form a club or something - you know... to lament the strain on your patience.”

Alex chuckled.  “Maybe we should work on ways to ease the strain.  Better payoff for all involved.”

Abbie just shook her head, chuckling at the truth of Alex’s words.  She wondered if she or Olivia would be the first to give in, faced with that kind of offensive.  Then decided it wouldn’t matter; the truth was exactly as Alex had just stated - they would all be winners in that scenario.  All Abbie was left to wonder was if she would ever be able to let go and allow herself that sort of happiness.  Then she found her face cradled in Alex’s surprisingly warm hands.  She looked up with a questioning expression. Alex just smiled.

“Abbie... stop thinking so hard and just enjoy it.  Being happy is not a bad thing.”

“Keep reminding me, will ya?” slipping into the drawl that crept back into her words when she forgot to watch her pronunciation.

“For as long as it takes.  Though I think Casey will be more than happy to take care of that little detail.”

A smile lit up Abbie’s whole face.  “Probably.  She’s been so amazing, Alex.”

“So you’ve said,” Alex agreed with a smile as she removed the cookie dough from the fridge.

Abbie blushed and cleared her throat, desperate to change the subject.  “So what’s it like having a cop for a girlfriend?”  Alex looked at her like she was nuts and Abbie continued.  “She was never my girlfriend, despite any rumors to the contrary.  I know you’ve seen her in danger... watched her walk into all sorts of unknowns, but it’s got to be different now.  It’s personal... more than when you were friends.”

“It was always personal, Abbie,” Alex responded seriously.  “The difference is now I can actually worry without people wondering why the hell I am taking it so personally.  She’s a cop, Abbie... one of the best.  I would never ask her to be anything else.  It’s what she is, and I love her.”

“But...?”

Alex slid the cookies into the oven and kept her back to Abbie for a long moment, taking a deep breath.  “But I worry; always have, always will.  Fortunately, I have a fabulous therapist who listens to me worry every week so Olivia doesn’t have to.”

“You can always call me too, you know.”

“I know... and I appreciate it.  Besides, she’s hot... what with the leather and the gun....”

“Don’t forget the handcuffs,” Abbie drawled, waggling her eyebrows.

Alex’s cheeks tinged pink and she shook her head.  “I am so telling Casey about your fetish.”

“You tell mine, I tell yours.”

Alex hiked an eyebrow into her forehead but couldn’t stop the blush that colored her face.  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Abbie snorted.  “Yeah, right.  C’mon, Cabot... why didn’t you just invite her to stay the night?  It’s obvious you’re nuts about her... and she is about you.”

“She has, Abbie.  And we will... when the time is right.”

“Soon?”

Alex groaned.  “God I hope so.”  Abbie just chuckled.

************

“God, Alex... if I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes, I never would have believed it,” Abbie confessed as they sat down to the dinner table on Thanksgiving evening.  “Even having watched you cook all week, I still wouldn’t have believed you could pull this off.”

Alex rolled her eyes in Abbie’s direction and smirked.  “I didn’t do it on my own, Carmichael.”

“Don’t sell yourself short, Alexandra,” Gerry cut in.  “You took care of a majority of the preparation.  I just did the turkey.”

“I enjoyed it,” Alex confessed.

“So did I,” Casey commented as she placed her napkin in her lap.  “Thank you for allowing me to be a part, Alex.  I haven’t had this much fun at Thanksgiving since I left Virginia.”

Gerry and Jason joined hands then as a matter of course and Alex took Jason’s hand in one of hers and extended her other to Abbie.  Abbie blinked then placed her palm in Alex’s and took Casey’s hand with her other.  Casey took Jo’s who held Blair’s; Blair reached across to meet Sam McPherson, pointedly ignoring the empty place at the end of the table. Sam accepted her hand and held onto Brooke with her other hand and Brooke’s other hand met Gerry’s. They looked at one another, then Alex bowed her head. 

“For the good friends that surround us and the food before us on the table, we are most truly grateful.”

“Amen,” came a voice from the doorway, and those gathered at the table looked up at Olivia Benson, standing in the doorway holding a bouquet.  She stepped into the room and walked around to brush her lips over Alex’s cheeks.  “Sorry I’m late,” offering Alex the flowers she held.  Alex accepted them with a smile, bringing them to her nose.  Then she put them in the vase Gerry had made appear from thin air, standing and setting them on the sideboard before wrapping her arms around Olivia’s neck.

“Everything okay?”

Liv chuckled.  “Yeah.  Caught a weird-ass case just as Fin and I were getting ready to shut it down for the day.”

“Define weird-ass,” Casey spoke, causing all heads to turn her direction.  Olivia gave Alex a final squeeze, then seated her again before moving to her chair at the other end of the table.

“Let’s eat before it gets cold.  I promise to share - a few minutes won’t change the weird factor.”  By tacit agreement, they dug into the food while it was still hot.  Conversation would wait until hunger was sated.

************

“... so as soon as they saw him in ass-less chaps with a red lace thong, they called us.  Man was drunk off his ass, crying like a baby by the time we got there.”

“Was it a sex crime?”

Olivia snorted.  “No.  But you wouldn’t believe the crap we had to sort through first to ensure it wasn’t.  And there was no way I was coming over without a shower first after that.” Jo chuckled aloud; Alex, Blair, Abbie and Casey looked amused.  Sam and Brook appeared entertained by it all while Gerry and Jason were a little more confused.

“Is your work always this interesting, Detective?”

“No.  I wish it was.”  A pensive silence fell then and Gerry shook her head.  “I’m sorry, Olivia.  I didn’t mean to cast a pall over the meal.  I’ve just never heard such stories before.”

“Not your fault, Gerry.  It’s not like I tell that many stories about my work - this one was just funny for a change... especially watching the guys’ reaction to this guy and his <ahem> gear.”

“Well, on that note, would anyone like dessert?” 

************

It hadn’t been early, but it certainly wasn’t late when Abbie left with Casey to see her home for the night.  Jo and Blair had offered Sam and Brooke a ride back to their hotel.  Gerry and Jason had long ago finished the remainder of the cleanup and retired to the room Alex had furnished according to Gerry’s wishes.  That left Olivia and Alex alone upstairs and without a word, Liv took Alex’s hand in hers and led them to the conservatory.

“Play something for me?” she asked as she seated Alex at the piano.

Alex ran her fingers over the keys.  “What would you like to hear?”

“I’d like to hear you play.”

Alex smiled and let her exercise morph into music with depth and feeling, trying to show Olivia what she felt and saw when she looked at her.  She held Olivia’s gaze, smiling when she saw the realization dawn in Liv’s dark eyes.  When she was done, Olivia extended a hand and pulled Alex to her and they danced to a tune only the two of them could hear.

Liv leaned forward and captured Alex’s lips, smiling when Alex tightened her arms around Olivia’s neck, pulling them closer together.  She let her arms slip further down Alex’s body, hands curving over the curve of her ass and drawing a moan from deep within Alex’s chest.  For her part, Alex curled her hands into Olivia’s hair, crushing their lips more firmly into one another.

When they parted for air, Liv rubbed her nose against Alex’s with a smile.  “I think we should take this upstairs,” she commented softly.  Alex didn’t answer - she just took Liv’s hand and led her from the music room and up the stairs to the master suite.  When they reached the door, she turned to Liv with a question in her eyes but before she could give them voice, Liv covered her lips with her fingers.  “I’m sure, Alex.  It’s past time.  It’s what we both want.”

“What changed your mind?” wondering what else Olivia had seen at work that day.

“Life’s too short - we deserve to take whatever happiness we can find together.”

Alex kissed Olivia, letting her hands card through soft, dark strands as she deepened the kiss.  Liv’s hands clenched at her waist, then let one trace up Alex’s chest, fingering the buttons open one at a time before sliding the soft material from Alex’s shoulders.  She pulled her lips from Alex’s, letting them trail up Alex’s jawline and then down her neck, absorbing the shivers and moans with a satisfied smile.  Not to be outdone, Alex tugged the sweater from Olivia’s slacks, scraping her nails along sensitive skin and grinning at the reaction her touch elicited.

“Maybe we should move this into the bedroom?” Liv asked, even as she snapped the front clasp of Alex’s bra open, cupping the freed breasts and rubbing her thumbs over taut nipples.  Alex forced their lips together again, tongue delving into the recesses of Olivia’s mouth, trying to discover every secret the woman held while loosening the clasp of Liv’s bra.  When skin finally met skin, Olivia twisted the knob and opened the door, pushing Alex in first and following her inside, edging Alex towards the bed.  “I plan on taking my time, Alex.  I’m not going to stand in the hallway.”

Without warning, Alex spun them around, knocking Olivia onto the oversized king bed.  She leaned over and unbuttoned the slacks Liv was still wearing, sliding them down long legs and admiring her handiwork as well as the black lace covering Liv’s modesty before slipping off her own pants and straddling Liv’s hips.  Then she gave Olivia a truly devilish smile.

“Me first, Detective.”

Olivia cupped Alex’s face in her hands, stopping Alex’s touch before it became intimate.  “I love you, Alex,” the tenderness causing tears to pool in the blue eyes above her.  Alex’s smile became genuine.

“Oh, Liv... I love you - so much.”

Olivia threaded her hands into Alex’s blonde locks and tugged gently, bringing their lips together once more.  This time, there was no hesitation and no hurry.  And when they lay together later, sated and covered in a sheen of sweat, kisses lazy and touches more soothing than stimulating Alex hugged Olivia tighter to her.

“Thank you.”

Liv lifted her head slightly and looked into Alex’s eyes.  “For?”

But Alex just shook her head and brushed a kiss over Olivia’s forehead.  “So much.”  She blew out a breath.  “You make my life amazing.”

“Ditto, Sweetheart.  Thank you for coming home to me.”

“Thank you for letting me in again.”  She waited for Liv to put her head back down and resume her stroking before she spoke again.  “Um... we don’t have to wait for another five years before we do this again, do we?”

Olivia laughed and the sound made Alex’s heart nearly burst.  “Oh Alex... you’ll be lucky if I let you out of this bed for the next five years.  I plan on a repeat of tonight as often as I can have one.”

“In that case, Detective....”  Alex rolled them over until she was covering Liv’s body with her own.  That was the last of the conversation between them until the sun came up again.

************

“Alex, you got a minute?”

Alex sat back in her chair and regarded the woman looking at her from the doorway before motioning Casey inside.  “Sure, Casey,” gesturing to the chairs in front of her.  “What’s up?”  Casey took the proffered seat and glanced around the office before allowing her eyes to settle on Alex’s face though she still didn’t speak.  “Casey?” her voice becoming concerned.  Alex took her glasses off and brought the arm to her lips.

Casey took a deep breath.  “Alex, how serious are you about setting up a foundation for victims?”  It had been part of their conversation after dinner the previous evening, but it had mostly been thoughts and ideas discussed between friends... nothing too concrete.

“I’m still making some private inquiries, but I’m serious about doing something.  I’ve been a victim, Casey.  I hated the way it made me feel.  I’d like to do something to make a difference to others who have been - those have suffered worse than I ever did.”

“I want to help.”

“Sure, Casey.  That’d be great.  As soon as I....”

Casey shook her head.  “No, Alex.  I want in on the ground floor.”  She inhaled, swallowing the yawn she so desperately wanted to let loose.  “My father is a Federal Judge in Virginia and he has connections I think I could use to help make this a national project if you’re interested.”

Alex sat up and leaned her elbows on the desk in front of her.  “That would be fabulous, Casey.  But I still don’t have a clear idea of what I want to do or how to accomplish it; how are you going to get people involved?”

Casey yawned then smiled.  “You let me worry about that.  As for the rest... maybe we could work on it together.”  She looked around again.  “It sure is quiet around here today.”

Alex chuckled.  “I know... it’s kind of nice.  Perk of a half-day.”  She paused.  “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure... I don’t guarantee to answer.”

“Fair enough.”  Alex cleared her throat.  “Why?”

“Why?”

Alex nodded.  “You stand up for the victims... try to find justice for them, but you’ve never been a victim yourself... not like this.  I’m just curious about your motivation.”

“Do I need more than that?”

“No... but I think there’s more.”

Casey sighed.  “There is.”  She sat silently, wondering if Alex would push.  She didn’t have to wait long.

“You want to share?”

“I like Abbie, Alex... I really do.  And I really want to try make things work with her.  I think the only way we have a chance to do that is for us to be in the same place like most couples, you know?  Where we can have lunch occasionally and set up a date without having to make a plane reservation and take vacation time off to do it first.”

Alex nodded.  “I know - believe me, I know.  But Casey... have you talked to Abbie about this?  Does she know...?”

Casey smiled again as she nodded.  “She knows.  We spent most of the night talking about it.”

“What about your job with SVU?”  Alex propped an elbow on the desk and leaned her head on it, watching Casey’s response carefully.

Casey sighed and rose from her seat, moving to the window that overlooked the street.  “I feel like I’ve done all I can do here, Alex.  Some days... I don’t think I’m doing any good at all.  I feel like I’m beating my head against a brick wall.  It’d be nice to be able to see something positive come from my work for a change - something for victims like you that got justice and victims like Abbie... who didn’t.”

Alex blinked.  “Casey, you’re a fabulous prosecutor with a great conviction rate.  Do you really think a replacement could be found that would do as well?  Or have your passion for success?”  She paused and replayed Casey’s words.  “Is this about what happened to Abbie?”

Casey wrapped her arms around her middle, green eyes reflecting a myriad of emotions.  “Is it wrong that I want to change my focus, Alex?  Am I being selfish?”

“No... you’re being human, Casey.  I’d be glad to have you as a partner on this project.”

Casey grinned.  “Thanks, Alex.  You won’t be sorry.”

“I know I won’t.  When do you want to get started?”

“I’ll go ahead and start making some calls.  I won’t leave SVU hanging without an ADA so I need to make sure there is a replacement ready to step into the job before I step out.  But I think by March everything should be in place.”

Alex nodded.  “Let’s get together after the weekend.  We’ll sit down and come up with a business plan and a workable timeline.”

“Sounds good - thanks, Alex.”  Casey went to the door and turned with her hand on the knob.  “By the way... congratulations.”  Alex tilted her head and raised an eyebrow in question.  “You have the look of a woman fulfilled.”  She laughed at the blush that rose up Alex’s face.  “Don’t worry, Alex - it looks good on you both.”

“Goodbye, Casey.”  Casey chuckled but took the hint and headed back to her office.

************

“That’s quite a change from just a few days ago, Abbie.  Are you sure?” Liv asked as they walked through Central Park.  It was cold, but Abbie had asked, and it sure beat fighting the crowds shopping on Black Friday.  “I thought you liked being long-distance - not as much commitment.”

Abbie shrugged.  “I’m a little nervous - I haven’t really been in a relationship... not like this... in forever.  But she’s willing to give up her whole life here to try.  It’s kind of hard to say no... especially when she swears it would make her happy.  It would be nice to be able to go out when we’d like to without having to book a flight first.  Besides, it’s not like she’s moving in with me.  This is just about giving us a real chance, and I’d really like that.”

“What changed your mind?”

“Alex did.  She told me not to be afraid to be happy.”

Olivia looped her arm through Abbie’s before returning her hand to her pocket.  “Then I’m happy for you, Abbie... happy for you both.  You deserve to be happy.”  She stopped, pulling Abbie to a halt along with her.  “Waitaminute - you’re taking our ADA!”

Abbie chuckled and tugged on Liv’s arm until they were moving again.  “Yes, but not right this minute.  It will probably be at least a couple months or so.  She still has to find a job, though that shouldn’t be a problem with her experience.  And she needs a place to live - I’ve promised to help with that as soon as she decides what she wants.  And I know there are plenty of loose ends she’ll have to take care of here as well - cases to wrap up and a replacement to find among other things.  It’s not public knowledge though, Liv... we just talked about it last night.  She hasn’t even updated her resume yet.”

Olivia zipped her lips.  “Consider my lips sealed, Abbie.”

“She’s going to talk to Alex this morning.  She really wants to be involved in that victim’s foundation Alex was talking about yesterday.”

“I’m sure Alex will be glad to have her be part of it.  Casey has a lot to offer, both from a victim’s point of view and as a victim’s advocate.”

“Does Alex know Casey was a victim, Liv?”

Olivia blinked.  “I don’t know.  It’s common knowledge to anyone that was here then, but Alex was back in Witness Protection when it happened.  So unless Casey’s told her or Alex did some research....”  She looked at Abbie.  “Did Casey tell you the whole story?”

Abbie nodded.  “It was one of the things that convinced me that I could go ahead and let this happen.  She understands.  It’s not just pity or curiosity on her part.  She understands, but she hasn’t let it stop her from living or feeling or being.  I could learn a lot from her.  And she’s willing to be patient with me while I do.”

“Sounds like a keeper to me, Carmichael.”

“At least it didn’t take me years to figure it out, Benson,” Abbie smirked, then glared when Olivia punched her shoulder.  “Ow!  Don’t damage the merchandise, Detective!  Just because the truth hurts....”  She winced when Liv pulled her fist back again.  Olivia snorted and put her hand back in her pocket.

“At least we finally figured it out.”

“Better late than never, Liv,” Abbie said softly.  “It looks really good on you both.”

“Feels pretty damn good too.”

“So when are you making it official?”

Liv sputtered.  “Abbie!!”

“What?  C’mon, Liv… you two have been dancing around each other for years.  No one is going to accuse you of moving too fast.”

“Abbie, we’ve just become lovers.  I would kind of like to enjoy that for a little while first.”

“You’re impossible, you know that?”

“What?  What??  Abbie!!”

************

Saturday evening the townhouse was decorated from top to bottom and people were arriving at the door regularly, creating quite a mixed group.  Olivia had taken up her station at the door, greeting people and taking their coats, then ushering them in to the next room where Alex was.  No one questioned Olivia’s right to do so - those who had been invited to this particular housewarming were well aware of the place Olivia had long held in Alex’s heart and life.  Most wondered why nothing formal had been announced yet - for many of them this affair had been going on for years.  Still, they figured this was a step in the right direction.

Elliot, of course, had to comment.

“So... does this mean we can expect wedding bells soon?  Or should I just call U-Haul?”  Kathy reached up and smacked his head before Olivia could even react.  Elliot swung his head in her direction and glared even as he covered the back of his head.  “What??” he whined.  “C’mon, Kath....”

“Elliot....”

“Don’t mind him, Olivia.  I’ll set him straight.”

“Don’t you mean...?”

“Shut up, Elliot,” they chorused.  They exchanged smirks and Kathy guided Elliott further into the townhouse.

Liz Donnelly followed the Stablers, shaking her head at Elliot’s obtuseness.  “Good evening, Detective.”

“Your Honor.”

“Liz, please.  We’re all friends here tonight, right?”

“Of course,” taking Liz’s coat.  “Alex is....” breaking off when Liz laid a hand on her arm.  She looked at the judge with a question in her dark eyes.

“Alex is a very lucky woman, Olivia.  Thank you for bringing her back to us.”  Liv cocked her head and frowned, and Liz sighed.  “The woman who returned from Witness Protection was not Alex Cabot.  The woman who accepted the Bureau Chief’s position and was engaged to Robert Sheldon was not Alex Cabot.  The real Alex Cabot only recently returned to those of us who knew her before.  She came home when you became a part of her life again… and you let her be a part of yours.  It’s nice to have her back.”

Liv smiled, though Liz could see the hint of tears in her eyes.  “For me too.”  Liz patted her arm, then moved into the house to find Alex.

Munch, Fin and Cragen arrived together, and none of them made a single comment about Olivia’s presence as a hostess.  “Well, that was weirder than a box of rocks,” Liv commented to herself… only to find George Huang and his partner standing right behind her.  “Oops... sorry Doc, Charlie. Didn’t realize you were there,” taking their coats and greeting them together.

“No problem, Olivia.  What’s so weird?”

“George....” the other man admonished.

“It’s all right,” Liv commented with a smile.  “You can’t turn off being a cop either.  It was just odd that except for Elliot who never misses an opportunity to rag on me, the guys didn’t say a word about me playing co-hostess or something.  Seems like everyone else including Jack McCoy and Serena Southerlyn, neither of whom who I really know, is waiting for me to whip out a ring and a proposal.”

“Probably because they like seeing you happy for a change.  The rest probably are just glad to see the changes you’ve brought to Alex.  Don’t worry... I imagine they’ll start ragging sooner or later if just to watch you blush.”

“Yes, Detective,” Munch said from over her shoulder as he passed her a drink.  “Give us a chance... I’m sure we can come up with something.”

Liv groaned.  “That’s what I’m afraid of.”  A knock on the door turned her attention back to her duties.  “Saved by the bell.  You should go see your hostess.”

“I thought we were,” Munch said drolly before he, Huang and Charlie moved further into the house to make way for the people coming in behind them.

“Detective Benson.”

“Mr. and Mrs. Branch.  Please... come in,” she invited as she took their coats.

“I’m glad to see you here, Detective,” Arthur commented.  Olivia cocked her head at him.  His wife huffed warningly.

“Arthur....”  He held up his hand and she shook her head before moving into the other room.  He chuckled.

“She thinks it’s none of my business.”

“Is it?” Liv asked frankly.

“Detective, you caused one of my best prosecutors cum Bureau Chiefs to risk termination because of her feelings for you.  A prosecutor who was known as the Ice Princess during her tenure as an ADA.  So while it may not technically be my business what has happened between the two of you, it is my business that she is focused on her job once more.  This has been years coming - it’s kind of nice to see it to fruition.”

“Well at least you’re not demanding a ring and a proposal.”

Branch chuckled.  “I figure that will come in time.  For now you’re both happy, and that’s enough for me.”

************

“Wow, Alex... this place is amazing,” Robert commented sometime later.  “The wall art in the conservatory is fabulous.  I want the name of your artist.”

Her eyes drifted over to Olivia, currently holding court with Jo, Blair, Abbie and Casey.  She wondered what they were discussing that had them all laughing, then turned back to Robert when he put his hand on her arm.  “Oh, um... sorry, Robert.  You were saying?”

“Not a thing that won’t wait until later, Alex.”  He chuckled.  “It’s good to see you happy.”

She accepted the hug he offered, brushing a light kiss across his cheek.  “It’s good to be that way.”

“Should I be worried?” Olivia asked as she walked up behind Alex, only to find her arms full of blonde Bureau Chief.  Robert laughed as Alex wrapped her arms around Olivia and Liv’s arms automatically wound around Alex.

“I don’t think so, Detective,” Robert replied, lifting his hands in surrender. “I think everyone here knows who Alex belongs to... and with.  I was just congratulating her on her happiness and trying to dig out the name of the artist that created the wall art in the other room.”

“Olivia does possessive very well, doesn’t she?” Trevor Langan asked idly as he came up beside Jo.  Abbie chuckled.

“Oh, I don’t know… Cabot was doing a pretty good imitation herself.”

“They make a striking couple, don’t they?”  They watched as Robert walked away laughing and shaking his head, then Alex and Olivia began walking the room, greeting people together.

“Yeah,” Jo finally answered quietly.  “It’s really good to see.”

************

“Thanks, Alex,” Munch said with a courtly bow as he donned his hat.  “It was a nice party.  Can’t wait to see what you do for an encore.”  He waggled his eyebrows and Fin shook his head as he pushed Munch out the door ahead of him.  Alex laughed as she closed the door behind them and went back to join her remaining guests.

“That was fun,” Alex commented as she dropped onto the arm of the chair that Olivia was sitting in.

“That was exhausting,” Liv groaned.  “I think everyone was waiting for an announcement.”  Alex’s brow furrowed and she tilted her head at Olivia.  “They expected a ring and a proposal.  Elliot even offered to call U-Haul for us.”

Alex’s brows flew into her hairline.  “Excuse me??  A U-Haul??  When did we become headline gossip for our friends and colleagues??”

“You rushing to my defense when we weren’t even speaking probably started it,” Liv answered wryly, smiling when the color flushed up Alex’s face.  She covered Alex’s hands.  “I wouldn’t change it if it meant we wouldn’t be here now, Alex.  But it was a little disconcerting coming from everyone we know.”

“Well, that explains John’s comment just now.”

“Well, I for one enjoyed your housewarming party, Alex,” Blair confessed as she prepared drinks for the group.  Alex had shooed Gerry off as the party was winding down as she hadn’t been able to keep the housekeeper from directing the caterers during it.  “Quite an array of people.  Did I see Miranda...?”

“Priestly?  Yes - she’s an old acquaintance and now a near neighbor.  And she is interested being part of the new charity effort,” Alex added with a look at Casey.  Casey nodded.

“This is going to be quite an undertaking once we get started.”

“It’s for a good cause,” Blair commented.  “That helps - people want to get involved.  Robert said something to me - he seems like a nice enough guy.”

“He is,” Olivia surprisingly agreed.  She looked at the stunned expressions on everyone’s face... except Alex’s.  “What?” she asked innocently, then chuckled as she wrapped an arm firmly around Alex’s waist.  “I can afford to be magnanimous - I got the girl.”

Alex dropped her arm around Olivia’s shoulders and kissed the top of her head.  “Damn straight,” waggling her eyebrows.  There were snorts from across the room, but they didn’t hear them, lost in the kiss Olivia had initiated at Alex’s words.

“Not exactly,” Liv replied with a smirk, licking her lips in pleasure.  Then she ducked the swing Alex took at her head.  “Hey!!  Assault on a police officer!”  She looked around the room.  “You’re all witnesses!!”

“Save it, Benson!” Abbie snarked with a chuckle.  “We can see how much you’re enjoying the <ahem> abuse.”

Olivia looked around the room, seeing nothing but indulgent smirks reflected back at her. She glared at Jo. “Et tu, Jo?”

“You can’t dispute the evidence, Detective.  You should know that.”

“I hate you all.”

“That’s okay, Liv.  We love you anyway.”

************

“That was a lot of fun,” Blair said to Jo as they entered their own townhouse some time later.  “And poor Olivia.”

Jo snorted.  “That was funny,” taking both their coats and hanging them in the closet before taking Blair’s hand in hers and leading them upstairs.  “But you’re right - it was a lot of fun.  Interesting mix of people, and there were some serious power players there.  I have to wonder if Liv had any idea what she was getting into when she and Alex got together.”

Blair went into the bathroom and started removing her make-up.  Jo stopped at the dresser to take off her jewelry.  “Probably as much as you did, Honey,” Blair called out.  “In fairness I think Alex was probably more aware than any of the rest of us really were, given her work with Special Victims and her tenure in Witness Protection.  I am glad she and Olivia have finally acknowledged what was between them; it’s good to see them happy... especially Olivia.  I don’t think she’s seen much happiness in her life.”

“I don’t think she has either,” Jo said, unwilling to betray Olivia’s confidences even to Blair.  Instead she took Blair in her arms as she exited the bathroom.  “But I have a good feeling about them; I think they may be as lucky as we are.”

“I hope so,” Blair said, stealing a kiss that Jo deepened, sliding her hands under the silk pajamas Blair had donned.  “I think everyone should be as happy as we are,” she added as she unbuttoned the shirt Jo wore.

“Well, I may be reading the signals wrong, but I think Casey and Abbie may be....” stopping when Blair’s fingers covered her lips.

“We can talk about Casey and Abbie later. For now, I want you to concentrate on the signals I’m sending you.  Got it?” pushing the shirt off Jo’s shoulders.  Jo nodded fervently, her green eyes going wide when Blair’s hands started trailing up her torso.  Blair smiled at the reaction.  “Good,” she declared, then they fell into a silence that was only broken by the sighs and moans that accompanied their lovemaking.

************

“I hate that you have to leave tomorrow,” Casey said softly as she and Abbie sat curled up on opposite ends of Casey’s couch sharing a bottle of wine.  “It’s been great having you here.”

“It’s been great being here,” Abbie assured Casey with a smile.  “Are you really sure you want to give all this up?  I mean... DC’s nice, but it’s no Manhattan.”

“Says the girl from Texas,” Casey grinned.  Abbie stuck out her tongue, causing them both to chuckle.  Then Casey sobered.  “I’m sure about this, Abbie... as sure as I can be about anything.”  She slid across the couch until she was sitting next to Abbie.  “I think I can really do something with this charity foundation - it’s a new challenge and I need that.”

“Problems at SVU?”

“Not exactly - too much politics in the DA’s office.  Seems like I spend as much time defending myself to my colleagues as I do prosecuting sex offenders.  And sometimes I feel like I’m getting too complacent.  It’s reaching the point where the victims are all becoming case numbers instead of individuals, and I don’t want that.  I don’t want to lose sight of the fact that the victims are people.”  She paused and held the brown eyes that were watching her so seriously.  “I’d like to make a difference I can see... at least for a little while.  It’s not like I’m giving up the law forever; I just need a break from it.  I’m still licensed in Virginia, in fact,” smiling when Abbie’s eyebrows shot into her hairline.

“Are you really?”

“Oh yeah... Daddy insisted.  I think he had visions of me joining the firm so he could retire.”

 “Ah... a darksider, hmm?”

Casey laughed.  “Yep.  He almost had a coronary when he found out I was moving to Manhattan... especially to work in the DA’s office.  First there was the damn Yankee thing to contend with and then the fact that I was becoming a prosecutor - he nearly disowned me.  Mom talked him out of it.”

“How does he feel about you moving back to Virginia?”

“He doesn’t know yet - I haven’t told either of my folks yet.  I want to have something concrete to tell them… and have my own place first.  I love my mother, but if I give her half a chance....” rolling green eyes dramatically, causing Abbie to laugh.

“I know - you’ve met my mama, remember.”

Casey laughed.  “I knew she seemed familiar - must be a mom thing.”

“Must be.”  She hesitated and then stood, watching Casey follow her up smoothly.  “I should be going.  I still need to pack and....”

“Stay.”  Casey reached out and clasped Abbie’s hand, keeping her grip light to allow Abbie to pull away if she wanted to.  “We don’t have to do anything except sleep, but I’d really like you to stay.”

Abbie linked their fingers together and let her other hand trace Casey’s face, smiling when Casey leaned into the touch.  “Would it make you happy?”

“Yeah, it would.”

Abbie smiled shyly and looked at Casey through her lashes.  “Me too.”

Casey tugged lightly on the hand she still held, leading Abbie into her bedroom and closing the door behind them.

************

Olivia was laying on her back, eyes unfocused and lips pursed when Alex stepped from the bathroom.  Without a word, Alex crossed the room and crawled into bed, wrapping her arms around Liv’s body when she put her head on Alex’s chest.  Liv’s eyes closed in contentment and she breathed out slowly when Alex brushed a kiss over her hair, willing herself to relax.

“You all right?” Alex asked, sensing the tenseness in the body she held.

Olivia hesitated before answering, wanting to give it due consideration and still reply honestly.  She sighed, blowing warm breath over Alex’s chest, smiling at the trail of goosebumps she’d created.  “Mostly,” Liv finally said.  “I just never expected so much commentary on our personal lives.  I’ve never been a headliner before... not like this anyway.”

Alex smiled, something Olivia could hear in her tone of voice.  “I doubt you’ll be a headliner at One Police Plaza anytime soon.  The guys know how to keep a secret and the DA’s office has been known to keep their mouths closed occasionally.  Besides, these are our friends - I don’t think they’d deliberately do anything to put either of us in danger.”

“What about page six?” referring to the Times’ infamous celebrity gossip page.

“Well, as long as we don’t do anything to bring attention to ourselves, they won’t have anything to report.  That doesn’t mean I think we should stay in the closet, but until and unless we’re ready to go public, I see no reason for waving a rainbow flag and becoming poster children for a cause.”  She paused.  “Right now, I want to focus on what is good and right for us.  And I don’t think that means moving in together after the first date.”

Liv grinned and tilted her head up to peer at Alex’s profile.  “So we’re breaking the U-Haul rule?”

“Damn straight,” Alex replied with a smirk before turning and reaching towards her nightstand.  “However, that doesn’t mean I don’t think you shouldn’t have this,” holding out a box to Olivia.

Liv accepted the box with an inquiring expression, but Alex just cocked an eyebrow at her.  Olivia shifted until she was sitting up slightly and opened the box, smiling when she recognized the key. “Are you sure, Alex?”

“Yep,” came the casual answer.  “Fair is fair, Detective.  I believe one day... maybe sooner, maybe later... we’ll discuss the U-Haul and its implications in all its disputable glory.  For now, it’s enough to know the guardian angel that holds the key to my heart has a key to my house as well.”

“That was incredibly corny, Counselor,” Liv stated, though her eyes twinkled and the corners of her mouth twitched in amusement.

“Yeah, but it still made you smile.”

Olivia couldn’t argue with the truth of that statement.  Cautiously she placed the key on the nightstand on her side of the bed, then rolled over and took Alex in her embrace.  “Tonight was a lot of fun.  You have an interesting mix of friends.”

“We have an interesting mix of friends.  I have a feeling we’ll be invited to a number of holiday parties together after tonight.  Fortunately, they’re mostly private affairs, and we don’t have to go to any we don’t feel like.”

“You know what I feel like at the moment?” Liv asked, nuzzling her lips against Alex’s neck and smiling at the goosebumps that followed her touch.  Alex arched her back as those lips found the sensitive spot behind her ear.  Then she ran her hands through Olivia’s hair, pulling Liv’s lips from her earlobe and forcing their eyes to meet.

“If it’s anything close to what I’m thinking, we won’t be sleeping anytime soon.”

If Olivia had planned a retort, she never had a chance to say because Alex claimed her lips and speech was the last thing on her mind.  And sleep was a very long time in coming... not that either of them was complaining about it.

************

“Looks like you had a good weekend,” Casey commented as Olivia entered her office Monday afternoon.  Liv’s smile told enough of a story and Casey stuck out her tongue.  “I don’t want to hear it,” she grouched as Olivia flopped into one of the visitor’s chairs.

“Missing Abbie already, are you?”

“It’s not supposed to be like this, is it?  We just started dating, and most of that has been over the phone or through email.  Is it normal to miss someone you’re just starting to know this much?”

“How much?” Olivia asked softly.

Casey sighed and looked out the window as she leaned back in her chair, crossing her arms over her chest as though to protect herself from her own words and thoughts.  “Like part of me is missing.”  She glanced at Olivia, not surprised to see compassionate brown eyes on her.  “That sounds ridiculous, doesn’t it?”

“Not at all,” Liv said softly.  “It sounds like you’re falling in love, Casey.  Are you ready for that?”

Casey snorted.  “Is anybody ever... really?  Were you?”

Liv shook her head.  “I fought long and hard against it, and now I wonder why I did.”

“Happy, then?”  The bright smile was its own answer.  “So,” Casey went on when it became clear Liv had said all she was going to.  “What brings you to my lair?”

Before Olivia could open her mouth to respond, the phone gave two short rings, indicating an internal call.  Casey frowned, then picked it up.  Usually her assistant answered it before it got to her when she had someone in her office.  She managed to say hello before the voice on the end cut her off, barking out a quick order and hanging up.  Casey re-cradled the receiver and looked at Olivia.  “Was there something you needed, Detective?” returning their conversation to a professional level.

“Nothing that can’t wait, Counselor.  Everything all right?”

Casey shrugged and rose, motioning Olivia out the door ahead of her.  “Guess I’ll know soon enough.  I’ve been called to Branch’s office.”

Liv winced.  “I’ll keep my fingers crossed.”

“Thanks.  I’ll take whatever good luck I can get at this point.”  She pressed the ‘up’ button for the elevator.  Liv waved and headed for the stairwell.  Casey watched her go and bit her lip as she waited for the elevator, wondering why she was being summoned.

Arthur Branch held the door for her as she approached his office and closed it behind her after she entered.  Then he motioned her to a seat and took his place behind the desk, glaring at something that rested on top before turning the force of that glare on her.

“Would you like to explain this to me, Ms Novak?” knowing by tone and the address he was furious about something.  Then he held up the papers to which he was referring and she understood his ire.  “Your resignation?  Casey... what are you thinking?  You’re one of the finest prosecutors in this office.  If you think I’m going to let you go without a fight or at least a lot of discussion and explanation, you’ve got another thing coming.”

Casey blinked.  It was a little flattering, honestly, to know the big boss thought so highly of her.  But it was also a little disconcerting - she had only tendered the resignation earlier this morning and not only should it not have reached his desk this quickly, it was dated for almost three months hence.

“C’mon Casey... talk to me here.  What’s going on?  McCoy giving you grief or something?”

Although Jack McCoy was one of her least favorite people in the DA’s office and Casey had no desire to work with or for the man, she also wasn’t prone to hearing Arthur Branch question his golden-haired boy.  She shook her head. 

“It has nothing to do with Jack McCoy or the DA’s office, Arthur.  I just... I need something different right now.”

“You want out of Special Victims?  White Collar or maybe Major Cases?”

“Not exactly.  I still want to work for victims, just in a different way.  Being part of this new trust will give me a chance to make a difference to people... not just case numbers.”  She watched his eyes narrow and hastened to explain.  “I need to do this... for me.  Before I lose my compassion.”

He punched the speakerphone.  “Barbara, get me Alex Cabot... in my office now!”  Branch turned back to Casey.  “I don’t think that could ever happen, Casey.  You’re one of the most compassionate people I know.”

“Maybe,” she agreed half-heartedly.  “But I don’t feel that way... not any more.”  She smiled.  “Besides, it’s not like I’m leaving tomorrow.”

“And thank God for that,” he stated.  “This doesn’t have anything to do with a certain former ADA who now works in Washington, DC?” he asked knowingly, then broke off at the sound of a light tap on his door.  “Enter.”

Alex Cabot stepped across the threshold, her hesitation at seeing Casey sitting in front of Arthur Branch barely noticeable.  Instead she crossed to stand behind the empty chair and looked at him diffidently.  “Something I can do for you, Arthur?”

He gestured to the chair and waited for her to sweep into the seat before resuming his earlier glare.  “Yes, Alexandra.  You can stop trying to swipe one of my best ADAs away from me!”

Alex grinned.  “I’m not swiping anyone, Arthur.  Casey is my partner in this venture, not my underling.  And she’s perfectly capable of making her own decisions without any undue influence on my part.”

He glanced between them and sighed.  “It’s a damn good thing the two of you are on my side most of the time.  I have a feeling you’d be a formidable team if you ever decided to create your own law firm and switch sides to play for the defense.  As it is, I think victims will be losing a wonderful advocate when you leave, Casey.”  He turned to Alex.  “Should I expect your resignation soon as well?”

“I haven’t decided yet,” Alex replied honestly, “though I think there will be some sort of leave of absence in the near future so we can get this organization off the ground.”  He nodded.  “And for the record, I think victims will have a stronger advocate than ever.”

Branch glowered.  “You know what I meant, Alexandra.”

“We both did, Arthur,” Casey broke in.  “But please don’t discount the amount of good we can do outside these walls.  There are any number of willing up and comers who can learn to do the job, and some who will care as much or even more than I have.  But Alex has latched on to something good... something unique... and I’m looking forward to being a part of it from the start.”

Branch sighed again, but shook his head with gentle reluctance.  “I understand that, Casey.  Doesn’t mean I’m not going to grumble and complain about losing good people - whatever the reason.”  He rose and they followed his example.  “I will accept this under duress, with the understanding that the door will always be open for you if you decide to return.”  Casey nodded, a smile firmly on her face though her eyes were filled with happy tears she refused to let fall.  “And you,” he continued, turning towards Alex, “I feel like I’m making a deal with the Devil about this.  But if you need anything, let me know.  I know you’re in the beginning stages, but this sounds like a good project - something the wife and I would like to be part of.”

“Absolutely,” Alex agreed, allowing Arthur to open the door.  She crossed the threshold, waiting for Casey to follow, a little surprised that Branch had stopped her with a simple upraised hand.

“Casey, I know you’ve given yourself three months to wrap things up, but if it looks like you’re running out of time or you need help, let us know.”

Casey put her hand in his briefly.  “Thanks, Arthur.”

Then she and Alex headed back to their offices.

************

“Hey, you got a minute?” Alex asked as they waited for the elevator to arrive again.

“Sure,” Casey said as she mentally ran through her schedule.  “What’s up?”

For answer, Alex shook her head, merely leading them onto the elevator and pressing the button for her floor.  Casey took the hint and held her tongue, waiting until they entered Alex’s office and the door was closed.  She followed Alex to the small couch and took a seat beside her.

“Alex?” Casey prompted, curling her legs under her and leaning her head on the arm propped along the back of the couch.

Alex ran a hand through her hair, somehow managing not to muss it.  “Why didn’t you tell me?” she asked sincerely without accusing.  Casey gave her a confused look.  Alex sighed.  “Why didn’t you tell you me you had been a victim... when we were talking the other day?  Did you... were you...?”  She stopped speaking when Casey held up her hand and waited.

“It had nothing to do with you, Alex, and nothing to do with my victimization because of this job.  It’s not exactly at the top of my conversation list.  The reasons I gave you for wanting to be involved in this project were the truth - I want to be near Abbie to give us a chance and I need a change before I lose my compassion for people.  What happened to me - I will never forget what it feels like to be a victim but I refuse to remain one.  It wasn’t a compelling reason for my wanting to be a part of this.”

“You’re sure?”

“Absolutely,” Casey replied without hesitation.  “It didn’t factor into my decision at all.  I’ll tell you about it if you’d really like to know, but I’d like to hear about your experience as well.”

Alex nodded.  “Fair enough,” telling Casey the story she’d heard and read about and a lot of the details she hadn’t because they were so personal to Alex.  When Casey shared her tale, Alex listened without flinching, though her eyes widened when Casey told of the damage Milan Zergin had inflicted upon her.

“What?” Casey asked when Alex continued to stare at her without speaking.

“I’m just curious - how long were you in therapy?”

“Physical?  Close to nine months.  Mental?  About a year.  I still keep in touch with my therapist though I don’t see her every week anymore.  There are just some days around here....”

“I know.  It’s one reason I continue to see my therapist.  But you’ve given me hope that maybe someday....”

“Different set of circumstances, Alex.”

“Both still victims, Casey.  Don’t discount that.”

“Don’t let it become all you are, Alex.  It will eat you alive if you do.”

Alex tilted her head.  “Sounds like you’re speaking from experience.”

Casey smiled and patted Alex’s hand before standing.  “Time for me to get back to work. We good?”

Alex returned the smile.  “We’re great.”

************

The holidays passed in a flurry of work and get-togethers.  Casey and Alex spent a lot of their limited free time working on the charity foundation they were trying to establish and Olivia, Jo and Blair participated as often as they could.  They enjoyed watching things take shape and making contributions to the ideas and plans Alex and Casey were laying out around them.  

Abbie did what she could in Washington, mainly networking with her boss and his contacts and checking out apartments she thought Casey might like.  They wanted to be fairly close to one another even if they knew they weren’t ready to move in together.  She and Casey talked almost every night even if was only to say goodnight to one another.  But many times they shared their days together, not realizing they were sharing their lives as well.

Though they were not officially living together, Olivia and Alex spent as many nights together as they could - mostly at Alex’s as she had much more room, but sometimes they stayed at Liv’s apartment.  They snuck lunches and dinners in as often as they could, enjoying the chance to simply sit and share a meal and conversation.  They knew sooner or later they were going to have to talk and make some concrete decisions concerning their future together.  But for now what they had was working for them, and that was enough.

New Year’s Eve, however, found them all in Manhattan at Alex’s brownstone.  Abbie had flown up and Casey, Jo and Blair had accepted Alex’s invitation to share the holiday with her and Olivia.  There was some talk about the foundation and the number of influential women that had already signed on to be part of it.

“I think it’s fabulous that you’ve made so much progress so quickly, Alex,” Blair said from her spot beside Jo on the couch.  “That’s a lot of famous names on your list.”

“Just don’t forget the little guy,” Jo admonished, blushing slightly when all eyes turned her way, but not letting her eyes drop.  Alex tilted her head in question, her brow furrowed.

“What do you mean, Jo?”

“Well, it’s great that you’ve got wealthy and influential people interested in contributing to this project in some way - people like you and Blair and Miranda Priestly and Arthur Branch.  You can’t really be effective without them and I know that - you need that kind of money and influence.  But there are a lot of people who can’t afford to give much - people like Sam McPherson who’s just starting out but still wants to participate.  You need them just as much.”

“I understand what you’re saying Jo, but what do you suggest?  We’re already planning to have a place on the website for people to donate in amounts as small as five dollars.”

“I’m not sure really.”  She paused thoughtfully and the rest remained silent.  Then she glanced apologetically at Olivia before taking a deep breath.  “Seems like... sometimes people have an easier time giving if they’re getting something back, ya know?  You can’t really do something like a neighborhood bake sale or church bazaar.  But what if you did something like making prints of some of Liv’s art and offered it for sale?  Or maybe you know a writer who would contribute the profits of a book?  Some sort of clothing?  I dunno,” Jo said shrugging.  “I’m just thinking out loud here, but I think it needs to attract a wide range of people.”

“It has merit,” Liv agreed.  “I think you should consider it.”

“We’ll add it to the list,” Casey said with a look at Alex, who nodded.

“But not tonight,” Abbie stated as she wrapped an arm more firmly around Casey’s shoulders. “Tonight is for celebrating with friends.  Tomorrow is soon enough to add to the list.”

Olivia tugged Abbie’s arm from around Casey, pulling her to her feet and dancing her around the room.  “You just want to concentrate on the kissing you expect to be getting tonight.”

The entire room echoed, “Well DUH!” then they burst into laughter.  It was shaping up to be an interesting start to the New Year.

************

A knock on her office door caused Alex to look up from tucking in her shirt, and she hastened to fasten her jeans when she heard Olivia call out, “Alex?”

Alex opened the door and motioned Liv inside, crossing to her couch to slip into her boots.  She looked up when she realized Olivia hadn’t moved from the door, nostrils flaring when she caught the brown eyes darken with desire as they roved over her body.  She cleared her throat awkwardly.

“Liv?” watching Olivia clench her hands along her thighs.  Alex stood and stomped her jeans into place, then moved to stand in front of Olivia, reaching out a hand to push a strand of dark hair from the detective’s eyes....

... only to find herself with her back against the door and her arms full of Olivia Benson as she was kissed senseless.  Alex sank into the kiss and all too soon for her taste it was over.  She blinked blue eyes open, smiling at the satisfied expression Olivia wore.

“Hello, Detective.”

“Counselor,” deliberately letting her gaze rake over Alex’s form again.

“To what do I owe this pleasure?”

Olivia’s eyes opened in mock innocence and she pouted just slightly.  “Can’t I just miss you?  I haven’t seen you for days.”  That was the truth - their schedules had kept them separated for several days and even phone calls had been sporadic.  Alex smiled and wrapped her arms around Liv’s neck, tangling her fingers into her hair and relishing Liv’s response when her hands slipped into the back pockets of her jeans.

“Besides,” Olivia continued with a smirk, squeezing just slightly and watching Alex’s eyes darken as a result.  “You know what you wearing jeans does to me.”  She leaned forward to nuzzle Alex neck and was surprised to feel Alex pull away from her.  “Alex?”

“As much as I would like to continue this, Detective, I have an appointment I’ve got to get to.”

Liv frowned and leaned back, though she didn’t release her hold on Alex’s hips.  “Everything all right?”

“Yes - routine check-up.  I just figured I’d be comfortable,” motioning to her outfit.  “Not all of us get to dress this comfortably every day, you know,” mock glaring in Olivia’s direction.  Liv stuck her tongue out, only to find it caught and held between Alex’s teeth while she laved it with her own tongue.  When she felt Liv’s hands clench her ass and her knees started to shake, Alex released the appendage and took a deep breath.  “Don’t put it out there if you don’t intend to use it, Detective.”

Olivia cleared her throat.  “Dinner tonight?”

Alex nodded.  “I’m going home after this so come by whenever you get done.”  Liv stole anther quick kiss and was gone before Alex could recover.

************

Liv considered knocking, but realized Alex had given her the key for a reason so she unlocked the door and let herself into the townhouse.  The first floor was dark, but she heard music from the conservatory, so she locked the door and set the alarm behind her before walking down the hall and pushing open the conservatory door.  She stood still for a long moment, not wanting to disrupt Alex’s music - content to watch her play.

Alex was aware of her presence, however, and immediately morphed the haunting melody she had been playing into something a little more upbeat and lively.  She looked up, catching the hint of a smile on Olivia’s face and returned one of her own as she finished with a flourish.

“Good evening, Detective.  Long time, no see.”

“I come bearing gifts,” holding up the bags of food marked with one of Alex’s favorite bistros on the side.  “I figured it would be a welcome treat after an afternoon spent in the doctor’s office.”

Alex smiled and nodded, motioning Liv to walk in front of her as they headed down to the kitchen. “Even though lawyers don’t seem to have the same physician phobia police officers do, it’s not the first way I’d choose to spend a free afternoon.  Or even the second or third.”

Liv’s eyes widened comically and she gave Alex a look of mock innocence.  “Are you saying the police department is prejudiced against the medical profession?”

“Absolutely not,” Alex said soothingly.  She removed the plates from the cupboard and turned to retrieve the silverware while Liv removed the take out containers from the bags.  “I’m saying you’re afraid of them.”

This time when Olivia’s eyes widened, it was to glare at Alex before they narrowed dangerously.  “Oh no you didn’t,” she growled.  Alex chuckled nervously and put the table between them.

“Well you have to admit, Detective....”

“Oh no, Counselor... I don’t have to admit anything,” neatly chasing Alex around the table, watching her eyes for the escape attempt she knew was coming.  “I have the right to remain silent, remember?”  She stepped around a little faster, enjoying the sway of Alex’s hips in the jeans she still wore.  “You, on the other hand....”

It didn’t take long for Olivia to catch her, but it wasn’t like Alex was trying too hard to get away from her either.  Liv wrapped Alex in a firm embrace, smiling when Alex relaxed into her body.  “Me on the other hand, what?” Alex asked before two stomachs growled in tandem.  She smiled when she felt Olivia chuckled silently behind her.  “I guess whatever it is will have to wait until we eat.  It smells really good.”

“Not as good as you do,” Liv said with a nip where Alex’s neck and collarbone met.  She ginned at the shiver that chased over Alex’s body before Alex turned in her arms.  A kiss was the answer she got and she pulled away reluctantly.  “C’mon… let’s eat before it gets cold.  I’ve got plans for you for the rest of the night and you’re going to need your strength.”

“Promises, promises, Detective.”

************

Dinner had been eaten hastily, the dishes left on the table in their hurry to retire upstairs.  They had spent hours worshipping one another and only now, in the darkness of predawn were they curled around each other in a tangle of sated, sweaty bodies.

“You make me feel... amazing,” Alex confided in a hushed whisper.  “So loved.”  Olivia brushed her lips over Alex’s shoulder and Alex felt her smile against her skin.

“Alex, you make me feel - that is amazing.”

Alex shifted in Olivia’s arms until they were face to face, pulling back just enough so they didn’t have to cross their eyes to see one another.  “Liv, you’ve always felt… so much, so deeply.  I’m just glad I can bring you joy now instead of pain.”  Olivia closed her eyes at Alex’s words and Alex let her hand trail through the wild, messy dark hair, massaging Liv’s neck in the process and feeling her go limp beside her.  “I’ve decided something,” she announced quietly, waiting for the dark eyes to open again.  “I’m going to talk to Arthur and take that leave of absence now.  I think we’ve reached the place where I need to focus on the charity work for a while and I don’t want to end up doing a half assed job trying to be a Bureau Chief at the same time.”

Olivia nodded.  “That makes sense.  How long?”

Alex shrugged, never ceasing her stroking of Olivia’s scalp.  “I don’t know yet.  Guess it all depends on how things go.  Who knows... maybe I won’t go back.”  She shrugged casually at the unasked question in Olivia’s eyes.  “Being back in the DA’s office isn’t all I imagined it would be - I’ve told you that.”  Liv nodded her agreement.  “For now, though, I want to concentrate on getting this foundation set up.  After that...?”  She shrugged again.  “Tomorrow will have to take care of itself when it gets here.  I’m working on getting through each day and making the most of it - one day at a time.”

“Sound advice, Counselor.”

“One lesson learned in Witness Protection.”

“And SVU,” Liv added knowingly.

“And SVU,” Alex agreed.  “Mary Shannon, my Federal liaison after the Connor’s trial, liked to joke about taking unexpected left turns at Albuquerque – she was a huge Bugs Bunny fan.  She believed they were a lot more manageable if you didn’t worry about them in advance or take them with you into tomorrow.  You just focused on what you could handle today and rolled with whatever life handed you and eventually you’d land on your feet.  However,” she added as she slid her naked body on top of Olivia’s and smiled when Liv trembled beneath her and sucked in a shallow breath.  “We can worry about those things tomorrow in the light of day.  Right now, I want to feel you,” letting a hand caress the breast closest to her.  “Taste you,” bringing her lips into play at the juncture of Olivia’s neck and shoulder and marking her.  “Love you,” dragging her body down the length of Liv’s darker one until she reached her goal.

Then hands, lips and tongues were occupied with far more important things than talking and conversation was put to the wayside for far more intimate communication between them.  And when daylight returned, they were off and running again, because life doesn’t slow down for anyone - not even lovers… especially when they were dedicated public servants.

************

“Well, I can’t say this is unexpected,” Arthur said as he looked at the paper Alex had given him before taking a seat in front of him.  “Are you sure?”

She nodded.  “More sure than I’ve been about anything in a while, Arthur.  I’m good at what I do - I know that,” she said without a hint of apology at the egotistical statement.  “But there are any other number of people in this office who could do this job - some probably better because it’s what they want to be doing.”

“And you don’t,” his statement flat.

She shook her head.  “Not now... maybe not ever again.  It just....”  She sighed.  “It’s not who I am anymore.”  She looked out the window.  “I don’t think it’s who I’ve been in a long time.”

“Getting shot changed a lot of things for you, hmm?”

“Not as much as losing everyone and everything I cared about.”

Branch sat back in his chair and steepled his fingers together.  “I certainly never would have predicted it; though after you risked your career in an effort to passionately defend a detective you hadn’t even spoken to in years, maybe I should have.”

Alex smirked.  “Even I wouldn’t have tried to predict this, Arthur.”

“But it makes you happy?”

“She does.  Everything else is window dressing.  But I think being able to make a real difference in the lives of victims, especially those who will never find real justice in the system, will be especially gratifying.”

He nodded.  “I still don’t appreciate you stealing one of my best ADAs,” holding up a hand before she could protest, “but at least I know between the two of you this project stands a hell of a chance of doing a lot of good for a lot of folks. And that’s something well beyond justice and politics and the law.”

Alex smiled and rose from her seat.  “I’ll stay on til the end of the month and help ease my replacement into position.  Do you know who it’s going to be yet?”

“Yes... I’m going to offer it to Steele.  He did a nice job filling in for you while you were suspended.  Time to see if he has the balls to do it full-time.”

Alex snorted.  “You wouldn’t put him into the job if you didn’t think he did.”

“True,” Branch offered as he opened the door.  “You’ll keep me informed of how things are going?”

“Absolutely.  Thanks, Arthur.”

He took her hand.  “Don’t thank me yet, Alexandra. You haven’t been listening to Lillian go on and on about how exciting this new foundation is and how much she’s looking forward to being part of such a fabulous new venture.  I’m thinking you’re going to have your hands full.”

Alex covered her eyes with her hand and groaned; Arthur Branch laughed.

************

Olivia had taken to spending more and more time at Alex’s townhouse and less and less at her apartment, but they had yet to have ‘the talk’.  There were still a number of times when she stayed in the crib due to case work and other nights that she went to her apartment because she felt it was too late or she was too tired to show up on Alex’s doorstep.  Alex never criticized or asked questions though Liv knew she was curious.  She simply welcomed Olivia with open arms whenever they were together, continuing to allow Liv to set the pace of things between them.  Sometimes Liv shared what was going on; others she just allowed the questions to go unanswered, knowing Alex understood.

She never stopped to consider how shutting Alex out of parts of her life was killing them.

************

Alex hung up the phone and sat staring out her window unmoving.  It was only chance that brought Jim Steele to her office and he was finally compelled to shake Alex by the shoulder to get her attention. 

“Alex... are you all right?”

She came out of her brown study with a start, blinking her eyes rapidly to clear them.  When she realized who was addressing her, she nodded her head.  “I’m fine, Jim.  What can I do for you?”

They discussed a few matters concerning the interns - Jim getting her insight into each of them, then they looked over some of the resumes they’d received from applicants who’d graduated in December.  When they were done, Jim thanked her for her help and stood to leave.  He noticed the faraway look in Alex’s blue eyes and decided to call her on it.

“Alex?  You sure you’re okay?  Not regretting giving up your job as Bureau Chief to me, are you?”

She quirked an eyebrow at him and smirked, though the expression didn’t quite reach her eyes.  “I’m only taking a leave of absence, Jim, so don’t get too comfortable in my office.”

“I don’t think so, Alex.  I think this is more permanent than you’re letting on.  And I don’t think that’s what’s bothering you, either.”

Her expression turned cold and Steele took an involuntary step back.  “I said I’m fine, Jim.”  She took a deep breath and modulated her tone.  “There’s just a lot of change happening right now and keeping up is exhausting.  I do appreciate your concern, though.”

He nodded, not quite believing her but unable to argue the point any more without angering her further.  “Well, if you need anything....”

She smiled.  “I know where to find you.”  She waved him out of her office, watching him go before she turned unseeing eyes back towards the window.  It was only Casey’s touch on her arm that brought her back to her surroundings again, some time much later.

“Alex?” her voice ripe with concern.

Alex turned her chair around and summoned a smile for this woman who unexpectedly had become a good friend and partner in something that had become important to them both.  She leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms over her chest while Casey settled herself on the corner of the desk.

“Hey, Casey. What’s up?”

A red eyebrow arched.  “I was going to ask you the same thing.  Is everything okay?  You looked miles away from here.”

“Just thinking.  How’re things going?”

Casey held her gaze for a long moment, certain she was missing something, but allowing Alex the diversion for now.  “Pretty good.  Most of my cases should be wrapped up by the end of the month and I’m working on transitioning the rest to the new kid on the block – name of Kim Greylek.  I’m not sure she’s ready for SVU, but then... who is?  With a little luck, she’ll grow into it quickly.  As for the rest, Abbie thinks she’s found me a place.  I’m going down this weekend to look at it.”

“That’s great, Casey!  You excited?”

Casey grinned.  “Yeah... I really am.  Aside from getting the chance to be near Abbie, this just feels right to me, you know?”

“I do indeed.”  Alex cleared her throat.  “Listen, have you talked to Liv recently?  I’ve tried calling her, but everything keeps going to voicemail.”

Casey cringed.  If Alex didn’t kill Olivia for not telling her, Casey most definitely would for putting her in the middle.  “Um... she and Elliot are undercover - they have been for the last few days.”

“Oh.”

“Nothing to worry about, Alex.  You know they’ll watch each other’s back and I think Fin and Munch are on standby, waiting for the case to break.”  Alex nodded but she didn’t speak, her eyes distant.  Casey grabbed her hand and tugged until Alex took the hint and stood, bringing her gaze back to the green eyes twinkling at her.  She cocked an eyebrow.  “C’mon... I need ice cream.”

“Your cure-all?” Alex smirked as she grabbed her purse and donned her coat.

“Absolutely.  Ice cream fixes everything.”

And it might have, had Casey not received a phone call which had them both rushing back to the one-six.

************

“I can’t believe you didn’t talk to me about this, Olivia!” the use of her full name clueing Liv in to just how upset Alex was about her latest assignment.  They were ensconced in an interrogation room, the tension between them palpable.  The others had left them alone some time previously to give them as much privacy as they could, moving Elliot’s debriefing to Cragen’s office.  “You can’t keep cutting me out of things like this!”

“Alex, it’s my job!” Liv growled, trying not to raise her voice.  “There was nothing to talk about... nothing to discuss.  I wasn’t cutting you out – it had nothing to do with you.  We had to go undercover to catch the sonofabitch and that’s what we did.  There wasn’t time for in-depth debate over the pros and cons of the operation!”  She ran her hand through her hair in frustration.  Why was she having to explain this?  Alex knew what her job entailed.

“Are you telling me there wasn’t time for a phone call, Olivia?  That Elliot just ran off to play house with you without taking two minutes to inform his wife?”

“You’re not my wife, Alex!” Olivia said, regretting the words as soon as they were out of her mouth.  Alex’s blue eyes turned to ice.

“You’re right, Detective,” she agreed cuttingly, her voice cold and calm. “I’m not.  And apparently I’m not your girlfriend either since I don’t even rate the courtesy of a phone call.  Now I wouldn’t want to keep you from your job any longer.  So if you’ll excuse me....” gathering up her things and moving towards the door.

“Alex....”  Olivia reached out a hand, only to watch Alex flinch away from her.  She blinked furiously, refusing to allow the tears she felt gather in her eyes to fall.

“Goodbye, Detective.”

************

“I’m sorry, Liv, but I agree with Alex in this case,” Jo said even as she passed Olivia a beer.  Liv took a deep draught, scowling at Jo as soon as she swallowed.

“What??  C’mon, Jo.  This was police business - it had nothing to do with Alex.”  She paused then asked disbelievingly, “You mean to tell me you share everything with Blair?”

“I don’t always share the details; I can’t - you know that and so does she.  But I’ve always let her know when I have to go undercover just so she doesn’t worry unduly.”

“Letting her know you’re working undercover doesn’t worry her?”

Jo rolled her eyes.  “Of course it does, Liv.  Don’t play stupid - it doesn’t suit you,” meeting glare for glare.  “She recognizes it as a necessary evil part of the job.  But at least this way she’s aware of what’s going on - she knows I’ll be gone and out of touch.  And she knows she can reach me through my captain if she needs to for any reason.  She wouldn’t call unless it was absolutely necessary.”

Olivia was silent while she finished her beer.  Then she stood.  “Thanks for the beer, Jo.”

Jo grabbed Liv by the elbow, ignoring the look and holding on.  “Don’t be stupid, Liv.  Don’t let your pride screw up the best thing to happen to you.”

Liv pulled her arm from Jo’s grasp.  “I gotta go.”

Jo didn’t say anything else - she simply watched Olivia leave.  Then she leaned back into Blair’s body when warm arms wrapped around her from behind.

“Did you get through?” Blair asked quietly.

“I dunno - I hope so.”

************

The townhouse was dark when Olivia arrived so she took out her key and opened the door.  It was silent and Liv walked through each room searching for any sign of Alex, shoulders dropping when she discovered she was alone in the house.  Every call she’d made to Alex’s cell phone had gone to voice mail and she was running out of ideas. 

She only had one viable option left as far as possibilities were concerned and at the moment, it wasn’t even viable for her.  She was technically still on duty – Cragen wouldn’t let her off and she couldn’t leave the city on a whim to drive to the lodge, which was the only place she could figure Alex could have gone.  And just like Alex’s cell phone, the calls Olivia had placed there went directly to the machine.  With a defeated sigh, Liv put her phone away and left the brownstone, locking the door carefully behind her before heading to her own empty apartment.  She needed to do something - the question was... what?

************

“This place is fabulous, Abbie - exactly what I was looking for.”  Casey reached up and gave Abbie a hug that was fervently returned.  Abbie grinned at her.

“I’m glad... I was hoping....”

“You did great.  I can’t wait to start my life here - with you.”

Abbie cupped her chin.  “So why the sad look?”  Green eyes met brown pointedly and Abbie sighed.  She’d already heard the story from Casey upon her arrival and neither of them had been able to reach either Alex or Olivia despite their best efforts.  “Casey, there’s nothing you can do for Alex and Liv. They have to work things out for themselves.” 

Casey cut her eyes at Abbie and pulled out of her embrace.  “I know, Abbie; just because I’m deliriously happy at the moment doesn’t mean I’ve lost all sense,” her words garnering her the smile she loved.  “But something else was bothering Alex before she and Liv broke up... or whatever.  Something I wasn’t the only one to notice.”

“Like?”

Casey shrugged.  “I don’t know.  Jim Steele mentioned it to me.  It was the reason I went to check on her in the first place.  She was kind of out of it.”

Now Abbie frowned.  “Alex was out of it... at work?”  Casey nodded.  “I rag on her about being a ditzy blonde, but she never lost her focus at work.  At first it was because of the political implications and later is was because the work became important to her for the victims’ sake.”  Abbie shook her head thoughtfully.  “It must have been something pretty important.  And you say it was before she found out about Liv.”

“Yeah.  I mean she could have been worried about not being able to reach her, but....”

“We’ll see if we can find out.  I have an idea.  But first,” Abbie said with a flourishing gesture at the room around them, “maybe we should see about signing the papers making this place yours.  Then maybe we can make a phone call.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

************

“Alex, it’s Abbie.  I know you’re there so pick up the phone.”

“Hello?”

“Gerry, is that you?  This is Abbie Carmichael.  I need to speak to Alex.”

“Miss Carmichael, I’m not sure....”

“Gerry, there’s just me and Casey here and I’m calling from Virginia.  Olivia Benson is nowhere in the near vicinity I can assure you.  But I really do need to talk to Alex.  Casey and I are worried about her.”

Gerry sighed into the receiver.  “So am I.  Hold on for a moment, please.”  Abbie nodded her head at Casey and shifted the call to the speakerphone. Then they waited for Alex to pick up.

“Abbie?”  Her voice sounded so small and tired that Abbie and Casey exchanged alarmed glances.

“Alex?  Talk to me, Hon.”

“How did you know where I was?”

“I’m from Texas, remember?  That makes me brilliant by default.”  Alex smiled, but it didn’t garner Abbie the chuckle she’d been hoping for.  “Now tell Auntie Abbie all about it.”

“There’s nothing to say, Abbie.  I’m all right.  Tell Casey....”

“I’m right here, Alex.  And you’re not all right - otherwise you wouldn’t be hiding out at the lodge.”  She paused.  “C’mon, Alex.  I know what happened with Olivia is rough, but I also know something was bothering you before that.”

“Why do you say that?” Alex snapped defensively, fire back in her tone momentarily.  “It’s not enough that I found out the woman I love considers me less than the dirt under her feet.  There needs to be more?!”

“There doesn’t need to be, Alex, but I think there is.  Let us help - that’s what friends do, remember?”

They could almost hear the tired, resigned smile in her voice.  “You can’t help with this, guys, but I appreciate your concern.  Casey, I’ll see you on Monday.  Abbie, good to talk to you again.”  The dial tone pulsed across the wire before they realized she’d hung up on them.  Casey and Abbie exchanged glances.

“Well,” Abbie drawled after she re-cradled the receiver.  “I think you’re right about something more going on.  But I think we’re going to have to let Alex come to us about it.”

“And if she doesn’t?”

“You have detectives – let them detect.  If something is going on with the Devil, they’ll find it.”

“I hope Alex comes around before that becomes necessary.”

“Me too.”

************

Olivia’s phone started ringing as she reached her landing and she pulled it out hopefully, only to discover she didn’t recognize the number.  She had spent the better part of the previous day trying to reach Alex to no avail and she’d hoped....  With a sigh she shoved it back into her pocket and unlocked the door, closing and locking it carefully behind her.  Then her phone beeped for her attention and she realized whoever had called had left her a voicemail.  Growling in frustration, she threw her keys on the side table, shrugging out of her jacket and slipping off her gun and badge.  It was just coming on to dark, but she felt like the day had been years long.  What had started out as euphoria the day before over a successful collar had turned into a waking nightmare that just wouldn’t stop after her encounter with Alex.  She hadn’t meant things to come out of her mouth the way that they had; she just hadn’t seemed capable of stopping herself.  And now she had apparently destroyed something that after only a day she was discovering she really couldn’t live without.

She crossed to her kitchen, pulling a bottle of whiskey from the cabinet.  She stared at it for a long time, then put it away again, unable and unwilling to walk down that particular road, especially when she was on call.  Instead she grabbed a bottle of water and threw herself on the couch.

Her phone jingled again, reminding her of the voicemail that was waiting for her.  She grabbed the jacket off the back of the couch and dug through the pockets, grimacing in victory when she came up with the phone in hand.  She dialed the number, hoping it wasn’t a telemarketer, then sitting up abruptly when the message began playing.

“Detective Benson, this is Dr. Linda Schumer’s office.  I’m sorry to bother you on a Saturday afternoon, but you’re listed as Alex Cabot’s emergency contact.  We’ve been trying to reach Ms Cabot since yesterday afternoon and have yet to contact her.  If you know how we can reach her, could you please call us back immediately?  It’s imperative that we get in touch with her as soon as possible.  It has to do with her appointment on Monday.  The number here is....”  Liv snatched up the pen and paper she kept on the table for just such an emergency and scrambled to write it down.  Then with shaking hands, she hung up and dialed the number on the pad.

“Oncology – Dr. Schumer’s office.”

Olivia swallowed hard as the implications hit her.  Alex had cancer???

************

Geraldine watched Alex pick at her food until she had enough.  Huffing, she threw herself into the chair next to Alex and pulled the mangled plate of food towards her. She scooped up a bite and moved the fork towards Alex’s mouth, surprised when she didn’t get a single reaction.  “Alexandra, you’ve got to eat.  I don’t think you’ve had three bites since you got here yesterday afternoon.”  She paused, sighing when there was absolutely no response.  “Is this about Olivia?” seeing the pain flash through expressive blue eyes before they shuttered closed.  “Alexandra?”  A beat.  “Alex?  You can’t let her ruin your life.  If she can’t see your worth, then she’s not worth keeping.”

Abruptly Alex rose from her place and crossed to the window, looking out into the darkness with unseeing eyes once more.  Gerry watched her closely, noting the defeat in her posture and the exhaustion in her face.  Something more was going on – Olivia’s actions had just compounded the situation, but at least the calls had stopped late the evening before.

“This has nothing to do with Olivia, Gerry.  I’m just not hungry.”  She paused and turned toward the back stairs.  “I’m going to bed.  Goodnight.”  And before Gerry could protest or ask any questions, Alex disappeared up the stairs.

Gerry watched her go before standing and clearing the table, taking her time as she returned the kitchen to its normally spotless condition.  Then she prepared herself a cup of coffee and resumed her place at the small table.  Jason came in and poured himself a cup and set it on the counter as he turned to her.

“Anything?”  Gerry shook her head, but before she was able to elaborate further the doorbell rang.  Jason placed a hand on her shoulder as he passed by to answer it, indicating she should wait for him to return.  He hesitated in the doorway when he came back only moments later.  “I think I have something, but I’m not sure how welcome it is,” he mentioned, stepping aside to reveal Olivia Benson just behind him. 

************

As soon as she hung up with the doctor’s office, Liv had immediately called Cragen, explaining the situation without revealing the exact nature of the emergency.  The Captain that had been unwilling to give Olivia time off to rectify a personal problem had no qualms about relieving her of duty for a medical issue.  And he could tell, by the tone in her voice and the shakiness she couldn’t quit quell that whatever news Olivia had been hit with was more serious than she was willing to share.  So he released her from duty with the caveat that she get things cleared up – one way or another.  Personal drama had no place in the squad room.

With an affirmative, she hung up and quickly called Blair.  She hated to ask, to take advantage of their friendship like this, but Olivia Benson was desperate.  Thankfully, Blair was more than understanding, even without knowing the details.  And so it was that she found herself on a private jet less than an hour later knowing one way or another, she would face Alex Cabot very shortly.

************

Gerry glowered at Olivia for a moment, but quickly relented the staring contest, knowing better than most that this woman was probably the key to at least part of whatever was troubling Alex. 

“Gerry....”  The housekeeper held up her hand and Olivia clammed up immediately.

“Not a word, Detective.  I’m fairly certain from her reaction to your calls yesterday that you are at least partially to blame for whatever is wrong with Alexandra.  However,” she continued before Liv could open her mouth to speak, “I also believe you are probably the only one that can make things right for her again.  Don’t make me sorry for trusting you, Detective.”

Olivia nodded and followed Gerry up the back stairs until she was standing in front of Alex’s door.  She watched Gerry go until she was out of sight, then she tapped lightly on the door before opening it.

She waited while her eyes adjusted to darkness much thicker than she was used to until finally she was able to make out the barest outline of a figure on the bed.  Gathering her resolve, Liv crossed the room silently and came around to the side of the bed to kneel in front of Alex.  She reached out a trembling hand, tenderly pushing the hair off of Alex’s face.  Blue eyes popped open and although Alex didn’t move, Olivia felt her withdrawal as a physical thing.  Tears welled up in her eyes.

“I’m sorry, Alex,” she whispered.  “I’m so, so sorry.  I didn’t mean....”  She swallowed hard and looked away and she swiped at her eyes, then returned her gaze to the woman warily watching her.  “I told you I was going to screw this up, and God... it’s killing me.  I didn’t mean the things I said to you and if I had it to do over, I’d cut my tongue out first before lashing out at you like that.”  She paused and bit her lip.  “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“Why are you here?” the words raspy and filled with layers of pain.

“Two reasons,” Liv replied honestly.  “One was I needed to make things right for you – I had to, Alex.  Even if we can’t fix things between us, you need to know that I didn’t mean to hurt you.  I shouldn’t have said the things I did.”

“Why did you?”

Liv smiled sadly.  “Because it’s the first response I know when someone shows concern for me.  Ask Elliot – I didn’t speak to him for three weeks outside of work because he was concerned enough to have me tailed when I had a stalker, remember?  I push people away before they can hurt me by walking away first.  I learned that from my mom.”

“Olivia, I wasn’t going to walk away from this... from us.”  Liv grimaced as pain lanced through her with Alex’s use of the past tense about them.  She nodded slowly.

“Intellectually, I understand that, but emotionally?  I have a hard time believing I won’t get hurt.  I don’t trust me enough not to screw things up – for good reason, I guess.”

Silence reigned for a few moments while Alex contemplated her words and Olivia contented herself to memorize the face she had come to cherish - as though she would never again be given the opportunity to do so.  Finally Alex drew a deep breath to speak again.

“And the second?”

Liv blinked, bringing her attention back to her present surroundings.  “I got a phone call earlier and it made me realize exactly how you felt – knowing but not knowing... wondering what was happening and why you hadn’t heard something earlier.”  She sighed and met Alex’s eyes.  “Your oncologist called me looking for you – said I was your emergency contact number.”  She looked down at the floor, then up into Alex’s eyes again.  “That nearly broke my heart, realizing what I had thrown away without regard to what I had... without remembering what it had been like before and what it would be like again.  Then she told me why she was calling – it didn’t take much for me to put it all together.”

“And what did you put together, Detective?”

She reached towards Alex but stopped short of actually touching her, not sure if her touch would be welcome.  Instead she clasped her hands together tightly and left them on the bed, meeting Alex’s eyes squarely.  “That you have some sort of cancer – probably in the early stages but cancer nonetheless.  That I won’t let you go through this alone even if it’s only as your friend and nothing more.  That it sucks to be on the wrong end of an information black hole and I now have a much better appreciation of where you were coming from when you ran into the squad room yesterday.  That there is nothing I can do but tell you I’m sorry for what I said and that I’ll try to do better – about trusting in us and keeping you informed of what is going on with me – both professionally and personally if you’re still interested.  And that I’d make you my wife in a heartbeat if the law would allow it.”  Olivia took a deep breath, then dropped her eyes to the bed.

Alex blinked and swallowed hard, trying to keep the tears that had filled her eyes at bay.  She bit her lips and took her own deep breath before reaching out a tentative hand and covering Liv’s clenched hands.  She felt the minute relaxation at her touch but the tension still sang in Liv’s body.  “You don’t think you should ask first or are you so sure I’d say yes?”

Her words brought Liv’s head up with a snap, eyes full of questions and ill concealed hope.  “Alex?”

“Liv, what you said... your reaction to my concerns... hurt a lot.  I’m not going to lie to you and pretend it didn’t.  And to be fair, my reaction was a little over the top as well.  If I had been thinking with my head instead of my heart, I would have waited for you to come to the townhouse and then confronted you about it privately.”  She sighed.  “I think if we want to make this work between us, we’re going to have to learn how to react a little less and respond a little more.”  She smiled weakly.  “We both have a tendency to react instead of respond, and it makes us volatile.  It makes us good at our jobs, but it doesn’t seem to carry over very well in our personal lives.  Maybe if we make an effort together, we could change that.  The question is – do we really want to?”

“Yes,” Liv replied without hesitation.  “If you’re offering me a second chance, my answer is yes.”

“You sound as if you’ve given this a lot of thought, Detective.”

Brown eyes watered, but the tears didn’t spill this time, contained as they were by a wry grin.  “My hardheaded partner, my former protégé, my best friend in DC and her soon to be girlfriend all made it a point to ensure I did – short of calling me an idiot.  It wasn’t hard to get the message.”  She paused and shifted slightly, wincing at the ache in her knees from kneeling on the floor for so long.

Alex considered for a moment, then slid away from Olivia, lifting the cover in silent invitation.  Liv didn’t even pause; she rose and slid into the bed, holding her breath and extending her arm towards Alex.  Alex smiled tremulously and settled herself into Olivia’s embrace and they sighed simultaneously at the rightness they felt.

“God, Alex... I was so afraid I’d never feel this again.  You were so angry with me.”

“I was, Liv, but I forgive you.  Next time, talk to me first?”

“Absolutely, Counselor.  I learned a hard lesson from this; it’s not something I ever want to repeat.”

“Me either,” Alex agreed tiredly. Olivia brushed a kiss over thick, blonde hair.  Alex curled up closer into her body and Liv savored the feeling, tightening her hold.

“Alex?” she queried softly after an extended silence.  Alex shifted slightly in Olivia’s arms and offered a tiny murmur to let Liv know she was listening.  “Why didn’t you tell me about the cancer?”

Alex leaned back just far enough to meet Liv’s eyes in the darkness, knowing they had adjusted enough to see clearly.  “I hadn’t had a chance,” she replied honestly.  “I got the call from my GYN yesterday morning with the referral to Dr. Schumer’s office.”

“Would you have told me – if I hadn’t stumbled into it, I mean?”

“I was trying to.  That’s why....”

“Oh,” Liv muttered as realization dawned, but before she could fall into any sort of depression Alex cupped her cheek and forced their eyes to meet again.

“Now you listen to me, Olivia Benson.  You made a mistake and I forgave you for it.  Put it behind you and move on.  You did the same for me when I screwed up, remember?  I know it’s not easy  - God, I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve cringed when I thought about some of the choices I’ve made and the things I did... especially in regards to the way I treated you.  But I can’t dwell on it and neither can you.  What’s past is past and if we keep dragging it into the present, we’ll never have a real future together.”

Olivia’s brows rose into her hairline.  “That’s pretty profound, Counselor.”

Alex snickered.  “Yeah, well... I’ve had a lot of time to think about it too.”  She paused and cleared her throat.  “So does this mean the time has come for us to discuss our living arrangements?”

“Are you ready for that step, Alex?”

She arched a brow at Olivia and gave her the patented Cabot smirk.  “For years, Detective... even if I was slow on the uptake.  The real question, Olivia, is are you ready for that level of commitment?”

Her answer wasn’t verbal, but it was vocal soon enough and completely mutual.

************

Jason folded up the paper he’d been perusing and Geraldine carefully tucked away her knitting.  With a glance towards the upstairs bedroom, they exchanged a knowing look.  Then they clasped hands and headed out to their own living quarters to settle in for the night.

************

They kept the possibility of Alex’s medical condition on the down low when they returned to work Monday morning.  Alex saw no reason to work everyone into a frenzy over what might prove to be nothing, and Olivia respected the fact that Alex was a private person and it was, in fact, her news to share or not as she wanted.  They did make sure to let those closest to them know things between them had been resolved and life settled into something of a routine for them.

Alex scheduled the biopsy Dr. Schumer wanted her to have and Olivia started making preparations to move her belongings to the townhouse and end the lease on her apartment.  It was a little daunting – Liv hadn’t actually shared living space with anyone other than her mother and she had been on her own for many more years than she had with Serena Benson.  Still, it felt like the right thing to be doing, and even thinking about creating a life with Alex brought a smile to her face.

Alex was busy wrapping up the loose ends in her office as she transitioned more and more responsibility over to Jim Steele.   She was suddenly glad she’d taken the leave of absence to focus on the charity project when she had – no one was any the wiser about her visits to the doctor.  And though she knew she would eventually share with their closest friends if anything came from the biopsy, she had no desire to worry anyone before worry was warranted.  Liv was her rock just like she’d promised, and that was enough for the time being.

Liv was involved in any number of investigations, but always made it a point to advise Alex of what was going on and when to expect her home. Many nights they spent together at Olivia’s place after work, packing things up.  Liv shared memories that came to her at the sight of certain pictures or mementos and Alex cherished every intimacy Liv offered.

Elliot noticed the change and nodded his silent approval, watching them grow closer and smiling at the sense of contentment and happiness he could feel in both women.  He was glad Liv had learned her lesson about spousal treatment a lot faster than he had, though admittedly Kathy was nowhere near the formidable personality that Alex Cabot was.

Maybe things would turn out all right for them after all.

************

Casey and Alex had decided to leave the DA’s office on the same day so of course that meant a big farewell party for them.  Casey knocked on the door to Alex’s office, as she was heading out to get ready for the party, pausing when she saw Alex looking out the window one last time.

“Going to miss the view, huh?”

Alex turned and looked at her with an undecipherable smile.  “Going to miss a lot of things, I think.  But it’s the right thing to do and I think it’s the right time to do it.”

“So do I, Alex.  We’re going to be able to do so much good with this.”

“I think you’re right,” picking up her purse and a small box of her things.  “Shall we?” nodding towards the door.  Casey linked arms with her and nodded.

“We shall.”

************

The party was a blowout and everyone was there offering well wishes and congratulations and reminding both Casey and Alex that they would be sorely missed.  Sam McPherson covered the event as a human interest story at Alex’s request and Alex made sure to introduce Brooke McQueen to both Jim Steele and Arthur Branch.  Trevor Langan brought the new lady in his life and the one-six showed up as a unit.  All in all it was an interesting evening.

It was late when it was over, and only Alex, Olivia, Abbie, Casey, Jo and Blair remained, debating whose house to move the after party to.  After only a few minutes deliberation, they wound up at Jo and Blair’s.  Alex and Olivia had not announced their decision to move in together yet and preferred to share with their friends as opposed to surprising them with it.  Besides, Alex had hosted them last as Blair was kind enough to point out so it was their turn.

They settled comfortably in the living room, each of them kicking off their shoes and curling up with their partner on a selected piece of furniture.  Jo offered coffee and everyone accepted with a sigh of gratitude.  When they were all settled, conversation flowed easily between them for a while before petering out into a comfortable silence.

Without warning, Alex clasped Liv’s hand, holding on tightly and looking into her eyes for the reassurance she needed before clearing her throat and turning back to the room.  Her friends looked at her expectantly and she paused, realizing how lucky she was to count these women as friends and confidantes in her life.

“Alex?” Blair asked, being close enough to see the hint of tears that lurked in her eyes.

Alex swallowed and smiled at her.  “I have some news,” she said quietly.  “Or rather... we do,” exchanging smiles with Olivia.  “I know you have all been... concerned about Liv and me and we can’t tell you how wonderful it is to have friends who care about us individually as well as a couple.  So we wanted you to be the first to know that we now share a home.  It became official yesterday.”

The four women cheered and applauded and of course hugs and congratulations went round the room along with a bit of good-natured teasing.  When things quieted down again, Jo cocked her head and asked softly, “What else?”  Alex met her eyes in startlement.  Olivia just gave a crooked grin and shook her head. 

“How did you...?”

Jo lifted her cup, toasting in Liv’s direction.  “I learned from the best.”  Olivia nodded her acceptance of the truth behind the words.

Alex smiled briefly though it didn’t quite reach her eyes.  “No wonder,” she said with a smirk that quickly faded.  Everyone sat up and leaned forward, somehow knowing this news wasn’t going to be nearly as happy as the last.  Alex took a deep breath.  “I had a biopsy done the other day,” hearing the gasps but not meeting anyone’s eyes yet.  “We don’t have the results yet, but there is a very good likelihood of cancer.”

“How soon?” Abbie asked.

“Within the week.  Then we’ll see what our options are.”  She looked at Casey.  “I hate to lay all this on you, but you may end up with a bulk of the work for a while, depending on what the doctor says.”

“Not a problem.  You just let me know what you want to handle and what you need me to take care of.”

Alex nodded.  “Otherwise I’d appreciate it if you don’t treat me any differently.  I may have cancer, but it certainly does not have me and I refuse to act like it does.”

“All right,” Blair said unexpectedly.  “Just know that we’ll be here for both of you if you need us.  Until then we’ll keep doing what we do and we’ll be looking forward to the progress reports on how the charity project is coming along.”

“Fair enough,” Alex agreed.

As they were preparing to leave, Jo took Olivia aside.  “You all right?”

“Except for being worried out of my mind, yeah.  Why?”

Jo shook her head.  “You know where to find me if you need to talk.  I lost my Ma to cancer so I can relate at least a little bit.”

Knowing Jo’s history like she did, Olivia simply nodded.  “Thanks, Jo.  You’re a good friend.”

“I learned that from the best, too,” she said with a look at Blair.  Then Alex met them at the door and she and Olivia stepped out into the cold winter night, braving the world together.

“You know they’re all wondering now,” Alex said on a puff of cold breath, her arm linked through Liv’s as they walked against the wind.

“Wondering what?” Liv asked, maneuvering them around a trashcan.

“Whether you moved in for pity reasons or if there is more to it.”

Olivia smiled and shook her head.  “I don’t think so.  They’re our friends and they know us.  They know how much we love each other and how hard we’ve fought to be together.  And if there‘s any doubt, I’m pretty sure they’ll get the idea after our first fifty years or so together.”

They reached the townhouse and climbed the steps as one before Alex unwound her arm from Liv’s and unlocked the door.  “Short term thinking, Detective?”

“Not at all, Counselor.  I figure they should start to catch on in the short term.  You and I can focus on the long term privately.”  She closed the door behind them, locking it while Alex hung up their coats.  Then Liv reached for Alex’s hand and tugged her towards the stairs.

“Have I mentioned how I adore you in jeans, Counselor?”

“It may have been brought to my attention once or twice, Detective.  Why?”

“I think it may be time to start focusing on that long term thinking and I think I should start by showing my appreciation for the Devil in blue jeans.”

“You know, since I left the DA’s office, I won’t be the Devil anymore.”

“I beg to differ, Counselor.  I bet if I look hard enough, I’ll always be able to find those horns of yours.”

“Oh you think so, do you?” Alex asked as they reached their bedroom.

“Count on it.”

“I intend to, Detective... for the rest of my life.”

Tomorrow would come soon enough and their cares and worries would be shouldered once more.  But tonight was about them.  They shut the door behind them, and all that could be heard were the sounds of living, loving and complete and utter joy. 

************

Of course tomorrow came sooner than either of them wanted it to, but at least this time they were more confident in themselves and each other.  Olivia walked into the precinct, enduring a bit of teasing banter from the guys after she shared her new address before the phone call came in.  Then things became all business and she and Elliot headed out to the scene of their latest case.

It wasn’t pretty, and Liv found that sharing her burden with Alex made it an easier load to bear even when she couldn’t tell her everything.  She wondered why she’d been so resistant to the idea in the first place.  Of all the people in the world, Alex was one of the few who could understand what she did and appreciate how it affected her.  Having something like that Olivia could count on was oddly liberating, and the trust Liv showed her only strengthened the love Alex felt.

************

Casey and Abbie had returned to Washington several days prior, but aside from the initial phone call she’d gotten telling her they’d arrived she didn’t expect to hear from them for at least another couple days, expecting they’d want a little time to get Casey settled in.  So she was a little surprised when the phone rang mid-morning.

“Alex Cabot.”

“Olivia Benson.”

Her surprise faded to pleasure.  The voice brought a smile to Alex’s face and it showed in her tone.  “Good morning, Detective.  What can I do for you?”

Liv smiled at the sexiness in Alex’s voice, allowing her thoughts to wander briefly before reality crashed back in.  She slipped into the ladies’ room, ensuring she was alone before she spoke again.  When she did, Alex didn’t miss the seriousness that had slipped into Olivia’s tone.

“I can think of any number of things, but none that are viable at the moment.”

“What’s wrong, Liv?”

Olivia cleared her throat.  “You remember the rape case I told you about – the one with the girl whose mom’s in prison? It’s gonna send me undercover in Sealview.  I, um... I volunteered for it.”

Alex sucked in a breath, knowing full well the implications of what was being said and what wasn’t.  “How long?” she asked quietly.

“I dunno – not long, I hope.  Holding my cover in there....”  She broke off, but Alex understood what she meant.  “Fin’s going in as my back-up.”  A beat.  “I have to do this, Alex.”

“I know you do, Sweetheart.  Just be careful and come home to me as fast as you can.”

“You know it, Counselor.  Love you.”

Alex’s smile carried clearly across the wire.  “Love you more.”

Olivia growled. “Not fair, Alex.  I don’t have time to argue that now.”

“I know – I win.  Be careful, Detective.  I’ll see you soon.”

“Count on it.”

************

Alex took a deep breath and went into her home office, surveying it with new eyes.  It was different working from home, especially since there was no assistant or secretary to rely on.  She crossed to her desk and sat down, booting up her computer and looking over the things that had been done, things that needed to be done and things they still wanted to try.  All the necessary legal paperwork had been taken care of before she and Casey had left the DA’s office.  Now it was a matter of putting everything into place.

It had been several days since she’d spoken to Liv and her stress level was through the roof wondering what was going on with her lover.  But she was thankful Liv had called to let her know what was going on; Alex knew she would hear something as soon as there was any news.  It made the whole situation easier to bear.  The work she’d been doing simply helped the time to pass faster.

When the phone rang some time later, Alex jumped and snatched it from the cradle.  Surprisingly it was Casey excitement coloring her tone.  “Thank you, Alex!” her enthusiasm clear even across the miles that separated them.  Alex chuckled, forgetting her worry momentarily.

“You’re welcome, Casey.  What for?” she asked, causing Casey to laugh.

“For this,” gesturing around her although she knew Alex couldn’t see her.  “It’s like a fresh start.  I feel almost... reborn.”

“Works both ways, Casey.  Thanks for taking me in when you really didn’t have a reason to.”

“I couldn’t not, Alex.” 

“So you like being back in Virginia... close to your family?”

“Mostly.  And being with Abbie....”

“It’s working out then?”

“Even more than I hoped for, Alex.  She’s blossoming; she’s opening up to me in ways I never expected.  Did you know she has a wicked sense of humor and a penchant for practical jokes?”

Alex chuckled again.  “No, but I can’t say I’m surprised.  It’s the quiet ones you have to worry about, you know.”

“Too true,” Casey said with a smile.  “Oh... and I wanted to let you know that I’ve added a few things to the done list and a few more to the to do list.”

“Excellent.  At this rate we’ll be ready to launch ahead of schedule.  Just keep me posted and I’ll do the same.”

“Absolutely.  I’ve got a little more settling in to do, but things are coming along nicely.  Even my mother can’t complain about the mess my place is in now.”

“Wow,” Alex commented, impressed.  “You’ve been busy.”

“The right kind of motivation, but I need to get back to work.”

“Me too, actually.  But thanks for calling, Casey.  I’m glad you did.”

“Who would have thought when you crashed back into Olivia’s life months ago that so much would have happened to bring us to the place we are now?”

“Not me,” Alex confessed, “but I can’t really regret any of it.  It’s given me some of the best friends in the world.”

“I think it did that for all of us,” Casey concurred with a smile.  “Gotta go.”

“Later, my friend.”

************

The next time the phone rang it was the doctor’s office, and Alex had a brief, fleeting thought to wish for Olivia’s strong presence with her before she processed the doctor’s words.  Still, she got the gist – cancer, early stages, radical treatment.  She thanked Dr. Schumer and promised to schedule an appointment as soon as she was able.  She hoped Olivia would be home soon.

************

When Olivia arrived home late that night, all thought of cancer and its implications fell from Alex’s mind.  One look into Liv’s eyes and she knew something had gone drastically, horribly wrong.

“Talk to me, Liv.  What happened?” wrapping Olivia into her embrace and feeling her melt into it.

And in slow, halting sentences she told Alex of her experience in Sealview.  The harassment; her near rape; her reaction as a victim; her paralyzing fear.

“I’ve never... Alex, I....  Everything I’ve ever told a victim – it’s all a lie.  I should have responded differently – I’m a trained police officer and it’s my job to take out scum like him.  Instead I nearly became a victim, unable to do more than scream for someone else to help me,” she finished in a whisper.  “Now it’s like... he made me feel more than dirty, Alex.  He made me feel impotent.”

“Liv, have you talked to anyone about this?”

Olivia shook her head violently.  “Only you.  Melinda knows it was close – she just doesn’t know how close.  I’m being forced to see a departmental shrink, but I can’t share this with them.  Alex. It’ll get me thrown off the force.”

“Liv, you’ve got to talk to someone about this.  Keeping it inside will rip you apart.”  She bit her lips as she met stubborn brown eyes.  “Do you trust me?”

“With all that I am.”  Alex smiled at that, leaning forward but letting Olivia close the remaining distance between them.  Needing the connection and reassurance, Liv kissed Alex thoroughly, passionately.  Then she took her upstairs to renew the bond between them and wash away the fear and disgust her would-be rapist had pierced her with.

Alex followed and led as Liv demanded of her, content in the knowledge that they would get through this together and tomorrow was soon enough to share what the doctor had said.

************

They lay tangled together as the sun rose, clinging to one another.  Alex turned to find Olivia watching her and she turned her head until their lips met.

“Thank you for last night, Alex.  I needed that.”

Blue eyes crinkled in response.  “So did I, Liv.  So thank you.”  She paused, then plowed forward.  “I talked to Dr. Schumer’s office yesterday.  It is cancer.”

“Oh, Alex.”

“It’s all right, Liv.  As long as we’re together, it’s all right.  Because we’ll get through it, just like we’ll get through what happened to you.  We’ll get through it because we’re stronger together.”

Olivia nodded.  “I never realized the truth of that before, and I should have.  As a cop, it makes such a difference, knowing that your back is covered by someone you trust.  It kinda makes sense that it would be the same on a personal level.”  She looked around the room before clearing her throat gently and returning her focus to Alex.  “So what did the doctor say?”

“She wants to meet with us to discuss options and treatments. She believes we caught it in time, but she stressed to me that sooner was better.  I told her I needed to talk to you and find a time when we could both come in to talk about it.”

“You get the first appointment you can, and I’ll make sure I’m available.”

Alex nodded.  “All right,” biting her lip thoughtfully.  Liv frowned at her.

“What?”

“I made an appointment with my therapist,” Alex replied after a brief hesitation.  “I’d like for you to come along with me – for you and for me,” she qualified.

“Alex....”

“Liv, I think it’s important.  You’re going to need to talk to a professional about this sooner or later.  I think it would be better if it could be with someone you trusted to be honest with instead of a police shrink you have to give the right answers to if you want to continue to be a detective.  You don’t have to talk if you don’t want to – not at first.  And I’d still like you to accompany me even if you decide not to do it for yourself.”

Liv stared into Alex’s eyes for a long moment, seeing the truth for herself.  She nodded and kissed Alex chastely, leaning their foreheads together.

“Thanks,” she said softly.

Alex kissed her possessively and they welcomed the day ardently, secure in themselves no matter what life threw at them.


Epilogue

Alex and Olivia stepped hand in hand from the doctor’s office, slipping on sunglasses and nearly wilting when the heat blasted against them.  They started walking towards the car.  “Hell of a day,” Olivia commented with a smile that Alex reciprocated.

“Hell of a good day,” Alex quipped, her expression outshining even the brightness of the sunlight around them.  “Do you realize what today is?” giving Liv an impromptu hug.

Liv looked at Alex like she was just slightly crazy considering where they’d just come from, but decided to humor her.  “Aside from the day you got a clean bill of health from Dr. Schumer? Not a clue.”  Alex rolled her eyes, but before she could speak, Liv continued.  “Oh wait... it’s also the first day of our vacation, and it’s the first time we’re seeing Casey and Abbie since they moved in together.” 

“It’s also our anniversary,” Alex said as she pushed the short hair from her eyes.  Olivia stopped in her tracks, nearly causing Alex to stumble. Blue eyes glared at brown and brown glared right back.

“No it isn’t, Alex.  I wouldn’t forget something that important.”

“One year ago today, I marched myself up to your apartment and forced my way back into your life.  I’d call that an anniversary.”

Olivia opened the door and waited for Alex to slide in before running around and sliding into the driver’s side.  She cranked the car and rolled down the windows while blasting the air conditioner as high as it would go.  “I guess you’re right,” she agreed as she pulled into traffic.  “Been quite a year, huh?”

“Yes; it’s been quite an adventure getting here too,” eyes meeting and lips turning up in smiles as they thought back on all the bumps and curves along the road that had gotten them to this time and place.

“And it’s only the beginning.”

The ride was quiet as Olivia maneuvered them out of the city.  Once they reached a less-crowded section of highway.  She cut her eyes in Alex’s direction and cleared her throat.

“You didn’t.... <ahem>  You didn’t happen to pack those jeans did you?”

“And if I did?” Alex asked with a wicked grin.

Olivia’s chuckle was answer enough.  Their new year together was starting out with a bang.

THE END
11/07-12/08