It was just lunchtime when Blair knocked on the door of an already crowded hospital room.  Casey opened the door with a sense of relief and beckoned her in.  Emma cocked her head and looked at the newcomer curiously, but Blair merely gave the woman a nod of her head and crossed to Alex’s bedside.

“Hey, Princess... how’re you doing?”

“My head is killing me.  I just want to go home.”

“Well, I can give you a lift back to the lodge.  Would that suit you?”

“Perfectly,” Alex confessed.  “When can we leave?”

Blair grinned.  “As soon as the paperwork is signed.”

“How did you know?”

“The eyes and ears of the sisterhood are long and far reaching,” Blair said mysteriously.  “Olivia called me,” she added when Alex gave her a look.

“Oh.”

“May I ask who you are?” Emma Carmichael’s voice cut into their conversation.  “I don’t believe we’ve met.”

“Mama!” Abbie whined and Casey covered her lips to hide the smile that wanted to make an appearance at the sound.  Blair turned around neatly on one heel and extended her hand.

“I am Blair Warner of the Park Avenue Warners, and you are...?”

“Emma Carmichael,” returning the grip firmly.  “How do you fit into all this?”

“I am here to take Ms Cabot home.  It is believed this atmosphere is no longer ideal for her recovery.”

“Are you implying...?”

“No, I am in fact stating exactly what was said to me when I was asked to come pick her up.  You made it clear that you felt she bears the responsibility for what happened.  As she is unwelcome here, I am taking her home.  It’s best for everyone.”

“Cabot!” Abbie growled.  “You know better.”

“Yes, but your mother doesn’t,” Alex stated unequivocally.  “You and Casey can come visit me in Connecticut when you’re feeling better.”

“Abigail and Ms Novak?  Why... what am I missing here?”

“Quite a bit evidently,” Blair said without inflection.  “Perhaps you should discuss things with your daughter later.  But for now,” motioning to the nurse who had just stepped into the crowded room, “we need to take care of the paperwork so we can spring these two.”

“All right... everyone who doesn’t need to be in here to sign this paperwork needs to leave until we get it done.  It’s too crowded in here.”  Everyone hesitated at her words and she put her hands on her hips and glowered at them.  “Shoo!  Move it!”

Blair patted Alex’s hands even as Casey squeezed Abbie’s and they took their leave without argument.  Emma stood her ground until Abbie spoke.  “Mama, go on.  I’ll be fine.  The sooner we do this, the sooner we can go home.  Mama... I wanna go home.”

“To Texas?”

Abbie glared.  “No, Mama... my home.”

Emma sighed.  “I know, Baby Girl, but I can hope.”

Alex snickered and two sets of brown eyes turned in her direction.  “Sorry... that conversation sounds familiar.  Only my mother wanted me to move into the family home in Boston instead of living in the dorms or the sorority house.”

The nurse cleared her throat and Emma blushed and picked up her things.  “I’ll be outside, Dear.”  The nurse waited until the door closed before she handed each woman a sheaf of paperwork. 

“You need to sign at each of the marked tabs.  Do you both have someone to care for you for the next week or two?”  Both women nodded.  “Here are your instructions.  Mostly you both need to rest and take it easy and let your bodies heal.  You took some serious damage and overdoing too soon is only going to hurt you further and delay your recovery.”

“How soon can we return to work?”

“The doctor is recommending at least a month off.  After that, he wants to see you again and a determination will be made about your ability to return to work then.”  Abbie and Alex exchanged glances, then turned to the nurse.  “I’ll let you ladies look over your paperwork.  Push the call button when you’re ready for me again.” 

“You weren’t really ready to go back to the DAs office yet anyway, were you, Alex?”

“No,” Alex replied with surprising honesty. “But I really didn’t plan to spend my suspension recovering from a concussion.”

Abbie snorted then clutched at her ribs.  “Don’t make me laugh, Cabot.  It hurts.”  She breathed slowly for a minute.  “You don’t have to go back north, ya know.  You really are welcome to stay with me.”

“I know.  But I don’t think your mother is prepared for that.  I think she needs some time alone with you.”

“Alllllex....”

“Abbbbbbieeee... you can come see me.  I’ll have Gerry make up your room up; we’ll be waiting for you.”

Abbie sighed.  “Fine... I see how much you love me.”

“How much?”

“Not as much as Casey.  She’s staying here.”

“How are things going there?”

“I dunno.  We haven’t had much time to talk.”

“Then it’s good that I’m going home now.  It’ll give the two of you a chance to talk.”

“I s’pose.  I’m still gonna miss you.  I was having a good weekend until all this happened.”

“Me too.  We’ll do it again - this time without the beating and the hospital stay.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

The door opened and Emma Carmichael stuck her head in the door.  “Ms Cabot?  It’s been brought to my attention that I owe you an apology.”  She stepped into the room and cleared her throat before crossing to stand beside Alex’s bed.  “I jumped to an erroneous conclusion and placed the blame for this incident on your shoulders.  That was wrong of me and I’m sorry.  Perhaps you would consider staying...?”

“Thank you, Mrs. Carmichael.  I count Abbie as one of my dearest friends.  I would never have had something like this happen to her if I could have prevented it.  However, I really do think I would like to go home.  Not because of you, but simply so I can sleep in my own bed.”

Emma smiled.  “I can relate.  At some point in the future though, I would like the opportunity to sit down and talk - get to know you and Ms Warner and Ms Novak a little better.”

“I’ll plan a girls’ weekend at the lodge.  Gerry will be thrilled.”

Emma nodded and exited as quickly as she’d come.  Abbie glanced at Alex.  “You didn’t have to.”

“I know.  I wanted to.  It’ll be fun.”

“I hope so,” Abbie said.  “As long as we’re not all cycling at the same time,” drawing a wince and a grimace from Alex.  Then they signed the last of their papers and called for the nurse.  It was time to go home.

************

“Robert... it’s Alex.”

“Alex?  How lovely to hear from you.  How are you?  I saw that fabulous picture in the Times.  And I heard about the attack - are you all right?”

“I’ve been better Robert, but I’m doing all right.”

“Is something wrong, Alex?  Is there anything I can do?”  Alex smiled into the phone.  Even now, after their break-up, Robert was most solicitous.  She sometimes wondered if she was being an idiot, giving up someone who obviously cared for her for someone who seemed to disdain the very thought of her existence.  Then she remembered the depth of feeling she’d seen locked in those brown eyes when they’d been focused on her and the feeling of electricity that had coursed through her very being at the merest touch of their hands.  No… no matter what Olivia Benson was willing to admit that she did or did not feel for Alexandra Cabot, Robert Sheldon deserved more than Alex was able to give him.  He shouldn’t have to take second place to anyone.

“Everything is fine, Robert - thank you.  I um... I wanted you to know I’m going to get rid of the penthouse apartment and wanted to offer to give it back to you first since you are the one that purchased it.  I’d be happy to sign it over to you completely if you want.”

“May I ask why?  I thought you loved that place.”

“I did,” Alex confirmed.  “I’m just not sure it fits who I am now.  And I haven’t decided when or if I’m returning to Manhattan.”

“Developing a taste for country living?”

“Something like that.”

“I’ll tell you what - I’ve got a friend in real estate that can get you top dollar for that place.  It shouldn’t take him very long to sell it.  I’ll have him deposit the money in your account, all right?”

“Why are you being so good to me, Robert?  I was grossly unfair to you about this whole thing.”

“Nah... you were just being dishonest with yourself, Honey.  And I believe in karma.  My being nasty to you because you were finally honest with both of us will only come back to bite me in the ass.”

“Well, I hope karma does something really spectacular for you in return.”  She yawned.  “I need to go.  If Gerry finds out I was on the phone when I should have been resting, she’s liable to take away my phone privileges for a few days.”

Robert chuckled.  “Sounds like she has you well in hand.  Get well soon, Alex.  And I’ll let you know when the apartment sells.”

“Thanks, Robert.  You’re a good friend.”

************

Blair walked into the Warner lodge late that evening.  It had been a hectic day.  Jo had gotten called into work at oh-dark-thirty, then Olivia’s call had come shortly after breakfast.  And Blair’s day had been non-stop after that.  The flight down to DC had been quick - it was the hospital that had been the most stressful and time-consuming past of her day.  Once Emma Carmichael had been made aware of what had actually happened and they been able to leave, it had been mid-afternoon.  The flight back had been fairly painless with Alex sleeping most of the way.  Then it was simply a matter of getting her settled at home before Blair had been able to return to her own lodge for the evening.

She and Alex had talked a little - enough that Blair knew of Alex’s phone call to Robert and her confusion on where to go from here.

“Don’t you want to return to the DAs office?  Alex, you were doing such good work there.”

“Was I?  I don’t think I was anymore, Blair.  Not since I came back from witness protection at any rate.”  She shrugged then winced at the pain the motion sent wracking through her body.  “It just feels like I’ve been marking time... pretending to be who everyone remembers instead of who I am now.”

“And who are you now, Alex?”

“I don’t know anymore.  I just... I don’t know.”

Blair had brushed a lock of hair from Alex’s face and eased her into a prone position on the bed.  Then she’d pulled the covers up and tucked Alex in for the night.  “You don’t need to decide tonight, Alex, or even tomorrow.  You’ve got time to figure it out, all right?”  Alex closed her eyes and nodded.  “Get some sleep.  We can talk about this when you’re feeling better.”

Alex smiled.  “You’d be such a good mom.”

Blair grinned back.  “Well, I make a pretty good step-mom according to Jamie.  Goodnight, Alex.”

“Night.”

Blair came back from her memories as she keyed in the alarm code and closed the door behind her.  She needed to call Jo and bring her up to speed, then she was going to take a long, relaxing soak in the tub.  She gave a cursory glance around the downstairs area like she always did locking up when something caught her attention.  She walked over to it, realizing as she approached that it was Olivia’s artwork left abandoned in her haste to reach Alex and Abbie after their mugging.

Blair hesitated, knowing how strongly Liv felt about her art.  She didn’t want to invade the other woman’s privacy, but her curiosity was overwhelming.  In fairness, it wasn’t like she needed to go digging for it - Olivia had left things scattered out in the open as though she expected to return before anyone could see.  Blair glanced at the pictures and drawings that sat on the broad table Olivia had set up for that purpose.  There were a number of recognizable landscapes done in several different techniques, as though Olivia was experimenting with what mediums and expressions worked best for her.  Then she turned to look at the easel and sucked in a breath.

Staring back at her were the unmistakable blue eyes of Alex Cabot.  Only Blair had never seen such an expression of love on her face before.  She stared at it for long moments, wondering if Olivia’s sketchbook would be even more revealing, then she shook her head. 

It was one thing to look at the things that had been left out for public consumption, no matter how inadvertent the intention had been.  It was a whole other issue for her to go searching and digging though Olivia’s personal effects to find something.  She preferred to ask.

With one final look at Alex’s portrait, Blair turned and headed for the kitchen, hoping to find something that would relax the stresses of the day.  Tomorrow, she would talk to Olivia.  Tonight she just wanted to wind down and listen to the sound of Jo’s voice.

************

“Olivia, it’s Blair.”

“Hey, Blair... what’s up?”

“Um... I’m at the lodge and I was just wondering if you wanted me to pack up your things and bring them back to Manhattan with me or if you wanted them to remain here for the duration until you can get back up here to do it yourself.  I know you’re staying in the City to keep an eye on your partner’s wife.”

“You saw,” her inflection flat.

“Only what you left out.  I would be interested in viewing the sketchbook that has the rest of the images that relate to the piece on the easel, but I would never presume to search for it.  Nor would I look through it without your permission to do so.”

“If you haven’t already looked, how do you know there is one?” her voice a little bitter.

“I have a step-daughter who’s been an artist for as long as I’ve known her.  I know how she works - drawing over and over until she’s satisfied it will translate well when it reaches canvas.”  Blair’s voice was even, but Olivia could hear the hint of hurt accusation in her tone.

“I’m sorry, Blair.  I didn’t mean to assume malicious intent.  It’s just....”

“... it’s a very private part of you and you feel exposed now.”

“Yeah - how’d you know?”

“Been there, done that.  Olivia, I’m the only one that’s seen these.  Not even Jo knows.  But I think Alex deserves to.”

“Blair....”

“What? I’m just saying....”

“I’ll think about it,” Liv conceded.  “Could you just pack everything up and leave it in the spare room?”

“Absolutely.  I’ll even lock it so no one can get in until you’re ready for them to.”

“Thanks.”  A beat.  “Blair?  How is Alex... really?  Geraldine sounded a little distressed when I spoke to her yesterday.  And thank you for going down there, by the way.  That whole situation sounded really screwed up.”

“Just a misunderstanding on the part of Emma Carmichael.  Bad information coupled with worry about her daughter made her jump to some erroneous conclusions and she tried to take it out on Alex.  Alex was quick to set her straight and I was happy to supply her with the actual truth of what happened.”

“Why didn’t Abbie step in?”

“I don’t think her mother gave her the opportunity.  I’ve heard about how those Southern mamas are with their children and given what I saw today, I’d have to say those rumor are definitely based in fact.  Sort of like New York Jewish mothers with a drawl if you can imagine that.  However, since Emma is absolutely not my mother and given that I am from the City of New York and not the more genteel areas of this country, I had no compunction whatsoever about making things right.”

“So Alex is okay?” getting back to the heart of the matter.

“She is still in a bit of pain,” Blair replied honestly.  “And she’s going to be sore for a while longer.  As you know, they both got beaten up on pretty good.  But they survived and they’ll heal.”

“Thanks, Blair.” 

“Anytime, Olivia.  I know you think I’m on Alex’s side in all this, but the truth is, I’m rooting for you both.”  A beep on her line made her pause and Liv recognized the number as Stabler’s home phone.  “Look, Blair... I need to go.  I think Kathy is on the other line.  Thanks for... well, just thanks.”

“You betcha!  Take care, Olivia.” Then she hung up before Liv could say goodbye.  Olivia shrugged and clicked to the other line.

“Benson.”

************

By Wednesday morning, Olivia was ready to bunk on the Stabler’s couch.  Not that Kathy was demanding, but Elliot was driving her nuts.  At least if they were in the same house, she could smack him when he got on her nerves.  The phone rang before daylight and Olivia knew without looking who was on the other end.

“Benson,” she sighed resignedly.

“Liv, it’s Elliot.  Listen, I just got called to go to a scene and Kathy has a doctor’s appointment this morning.  Can you...?”

“What time?”

“Ten-thirty... with Dr. Ransom.”

“Sure.  Tell Kathy I’ll pick her up at nine.  That will get us there in plenty of time and I’ll even treat her to breakfast.”

“Thanks, partner.  You’re the best.”

“Yes, I am.  Try to remember that when Christmas rolls around, will ya?”

Elliot laughed as he hung up the phone.  Liv shrugged and glared at the clock wondering why he’d felt the need to wake her up so damn early.  With a sigh, she got up and slipped into her running clothes, determining to make good use of her time.  One plus to having been suspended - she was in better shape than she’d been in since graduating college, what with time for regular meals and exercise and real sleep.  So she took to the streets of New York in the barely dawning light of day.

Olivia was soaked to the skin when she got back to her apartment, but she felt better.  A quick shower and she was on her way to Queens to pick up Kathy Stabler.

************

“Hey, Olivia.  Come on in.  Can I get you some coffee?”

“Only if you already have some ready.  Don’t do it just for me.  I can get some at breakfast.”

“I won’t be but a minute then,” motioning Liv into the family room.  “I appreciate this, Olivia.  I know Elliot is driving you nuts,” smiling at Liv’s muffled snort.  Kathy stuck her head back in the family room briefly.  “I know because he’s driving me nuts too.  I’ll be so glad when this baby is born.”

“Whaddya think - boy or girl?”

“Anxious and impatient,” Kathy answered without hesitation. 

“Oh... Elliot made over,” Liv snarked.

Kathy laughed.  “As long as he’s healthy and doesn’t hold onto anger like his father, I’ll be happy.”

“So a boy, huh?”

“I think so.”  Kathy took her jacket from the closet. “All right... I think I’m ready.”  Liv stood and made her way to the door, waiting for Kathy to join her.  Then they headed out together to get some breakfast.

Breakfast was good and conversation light and even with the wait necessitated by an unscheduled delivery, the doctor’s visit went well. Despite her suspicions, Kathy wouldn’t let the doctor reveal the baby’s sex, but the doctor gave her a good report.   By lunchtime, they were leaving and Kathy waddled to the car in fine pregnant style.  Liv pulled out of the parking spot and headed them back towards Queens.

“You want me to take you by the precinct... see if we can catch Elliot for lunch?”

Kathy shook her head firmly.  “No... we’d end up with hot dogs and I’m just not up to hot dogs today,” she added with a shiver.

“Me either,” Liv added with a laugh.  She stopped and looked both ways before easing into the next intersection.

“Let me call him - then we can find something besides hot dogs for lunch.  My treat this time.”

That was the last either of them knew for a few minutes.

************

The car hit them on Kathy’s side hard enough to spin it around and pin Kathy in.  After several moments of disorientation, Liv shook her head, realizing immediately what had happened.  She snatched up the ever-present walkie-talkie and called in the accident, giving them terse instructions.  Then she looked for a way to extract Kathy safely from the car.  Sirens alerted Olivia to the approaching emergency services and she started giving a status report and directions as soon as the firemen and technicians arrived and got to work.

Liv slid into the backseat of the damaged car, carefully following the instructions as the EMT walked her through each process to help stabilize Kathy’s condition.  The collar was tricky - the IV even more so, but Olivia persevered and soon Kathy was somewhat conscious and the firefighters were removing the roof of the car.  When the Jaws of Life finally allowed her to be extracted, Kathy was placed on a backboard and loaded into the ambulance.  Liv crawled in behind her and they headed for the hospital.

Olivia had never expected to ever be a birth partner; it just wasn’t in her nature or her plans for her life for that matter.  Still, at the tech’s direction, she sat behind Kathy and coached her as well as she could, helping her breathe and smiling when the sound of a baby’s cry could be heard of the cacophony of other noise.  Then she heard the shrill screech of the machines as Kathy flatlined.

Elliot’s reaction at the hospital was understandable, but Olivia needed some stability after the emotional rigors of the day.  The hug they shared was intense and layered – full of wistfulness and gratitude and years of love and trust and caring. When it was over, Liv left Elliot to his wife and newborn son and went out in search of companionship.

She found herself at Blair’s and Jo’s residence and a knock on the door garnered her immediate entrance.  “Liv?” Jo queried noticing her shaken state.  “Everything okay?”

Olivia nodded and wiped her eyes before any tears could actually fall.  “Yeah, I’m fine.  Just a little... um, rough day, and I didn’t want to be alone yet.  Could I invite myself to dinner?”

“Absolutely.  Blair and I were just trying to decide what we wanted.”

Liv smiled.  “Do you trust me?”

Jo eyed her, seeing the mischievous twinkle sparkling out of brown depths.  Usually that meant fun was going to ensue almost immediately.  “Sure,” she agreed amiably after a moment.  “Whatcha got in mind?”

“What’s who got in mind for what, Sweetie?” Blair asked as she emerged from the other room.  “Oh... hey, Olivia.  What’s up?”

“I um... I invited myself to dinner.  You mind?”

“Not at all.  What would you like?  Jo and I were trying to decide between Chinese and Thai.”

“Do you trust me?”

“Absolutely.  What are you thinking?”

“Give me a phone and a few minutes.  I promise you a meal you won’t forget.”

Blair motioned to the phone in the foyer and took Jo’s hand as they returned to the living room.  A small fire blazed low in the fireplace and they resumed their seats on the couch.  Olivia’s voice was a bare murmur in the background and Blair turned to Jo with a question in her eyes.

“Is she all right?”

“I dunno,” Jo shrugged.  “She looked pretty shaken up when I answered the door. I heard Stabler’s kid was born today.  You don’t think...?”

Blair shook her head emphatically, remembering all too clearly the images she’d seen drawn by Olivia’s own hand.  “Something must have gone wrong.  She was keeping an eye on his wife, wasn’t she?”

“Guess we’ll find out in a minute,” Jo added as they heard the click of a phone.  Then Olivia was stepping into the living room and they welcomed her with smiles.

“So what’s for dinner?” Blair asked after Olivia had taken a seat.

“Olivia Specials - you’ll love them, I promise.”  She checked her watch.  “They should be here in half an hour or so.  They’ve gotta travel uptown.”

“What is an Olivia Special?”

“It’s the most outrageous hamburger you’ll ever eat,” Jo answered with a smile.  “I think every single rookie Liv trained got introduced to them at some point or another.”

“Only the ones I liked.”

“Well then I’m honored,” Blair said.  “Can we offer you something to drink?”

“Um... sure. Whatever you’re having is fine.”  Blair held up a glass of wine and Jo held up a beer.  Olivia smirked and pointed to the beer.  With a grin, Jo went to the bar and pulled out another beer, twisting the top and passing the open bottle to Olivia.  Liv took a generous swallow and sighed, tilting her head onto the chair back and staring into the fire with unseeing eyes.  Jo and Blair exchanged glances, then Blair slipped from the room, leaving the two detectives alone.

“She didn’t have to leave,” Liv commented after a few moments, rolling her head in Jo’s direction.

“Maybe - you wanna tell me what’s wrong?”

“Kathy Stabler gave birth today... baby boy.”

“That’s great news!”  A beat.  “Isn’t it?”

“Oh yeah... absolutely.”  She scrubbed her hand through her hair and leaned forward, letting her forearms rest on her knees.  “It was how he got here that was….”  Liv shook her head.  “May as well bring Blair back in here so I don’t have to tell this more than once.”  Olivia gave Jo a wry smile and Jo shook her head and chuckled before standing and leaving to fetch Blair.  When they returned, Liv gave them a blow by blow accounting of her entire day.  Wide-eyed, they listened, not interrupting until she reached the end.  When she was done, Jo wordlessly handed her another beer.

“Wow!” she commented after she had reseated herself next to Blair.  “Helluva day.”

Liv snorted.  “Master of understatement there,” dryly, drawing laughter from the two women seated across from her.  A knock on the door made Jo stand and move to the foyer, leaving Blair and Olivia alone.

“You all right?”

“Yeah... we all made it to the end of the day.  Thanks for letting me crash here for a little while.”

“You’re always welcome, Olivia.  Now c’mon.  I’m looking forward to trying these Olivia Specials.”

************

Blair and Olivia walked back into the living room when dinner was finished.  Jo had been called away in the middle of the meal, gazing forlornly at her Special before leaving.  She knew it wouldn’t be the same warmed over, but when duty called, detectives went.

Olivia had stayed at the insistence of both of them and now she was settled comfortably in front of the fireplace once again.  When Blair cleared her throat delicately, Olivia forced her eyes from the hypnotic flames of the fire and looked squarely at Blair.  She arched an eyebrow in question.

“I’m going up to the lodge tomorrow to check on Alex.  Would you like to ride with me?”  The look Olivia gave her caused Blair to rush on with her explanation.  “You don’t have to go visit Alex, Olivia.  I thought you might want to go collect your art.  I put it in the guest room, but none of it is packed.  It’s just laying out all over the room as neatly as I could manage.”

Liv held Blair’s gaze, but the brown eyes that met her own held them guilelessly.  She even tried her patented ‘perp stare’, but realized quickly that wasn’t going to work on someone who lived with a detective and who herself spent time in the boardroom giving that same look to her own underlings.

“All right, sure.  I appreciate the offer.”  She put her glass on the table and scooted forward as a prelude to standing.  “I better get home then.  I suppose you’ll want to start out early?”

“Yes, I think so.  And pack an overnight bag - we’ll probably stay a night or two.  May as well enjoy the nice weather while it lasts.”

“Yeah,” Liv agreed with a tiny smile.  “It’s my last weekend of freedom.”

“Are you looking forward to going back to work?”

“In a lot of ways, yes.”  She shrugged and looked a little ashamed.  “It’s so much a part of who I am - I just... I don’t think I’m ready to give it up yet… not completely.  I can’t explain it.”

Blair smiled.  “You don’t have to, Olivia.  I’m married to a detective very much like you.”

Now Liv smiled.  “Yeah... I guess you are.  Let me get out of here,” she said, standing.  Blair rose as well and together they walked into the foyer.  Liv recovered her jacket from the closet and Blair opened the outer door.  “What time in the morning?”

“I’ll be up by six, so whenever you can make it over after that.”

“All right.  Thanks for letting me crash dinner tonight.”

“You’re welcome here anytime, Olivia.  Thank you for crashing - I enjoyed my ‘Olivia Special’ despite its rather unusual makeup.  See you in the morning?”

“Bright and early.” 

************

“Alexandra, are you sure you need to be up and around already?  You’ve only been home from the hospital for a couple days.  I’m fairly confident the doctor didn’t intend for you to be stirring around on Thursday when he released you on Monday with explicit instructions to rest.”

“Lay off, Gerry!” Alex snapped peevishly, then was immediately contrite at the expression of hurt that washed over Geraldine’s features before the mask settled into place.

“Alexandra Isabelle Cabot!”  Gerry didn’t raise her voice, but hearing her full name issue forth from those lips forced Alex’s eyes to meet Gerry’s stern ones before shifting to stare at the floor in fascination.

“I’m sorry, Gerry.  I’m tired of hurting and I’m tired of being stuck in bed.  But that doesn’t mean I should take my bad mood out on you.”

“Thank you, Alexandra.  Now is there some way we can make you a little more comfortable?  Would you like...?”

Alex moved slowly, easing her body down into one of the straight-backed kitchen chairs.  “No more pills, please, Gerry. They make me groggy and disoriented. What I’d like is a change of scenery,” she replied honestly.  “Something that doesn’t involve four walls and a ceiling.”

Now Gerry smiled.  “That’s something I think we can manage... at least for a little while.  Let’s get you some breakfast first... something light.  Then we can....” The ringing of the doorbell interrupted her and she frowned.  “Who comes by so early without calling first?” patting Alex’s shoulder and walking to the door.

Alex couldn’t tell who their visitor was by the sound, but it was obviously someone welcome by the tone of Gerry’s voice.  Then Blair’s honey-gold head appeared in the doorway and Alex grinned. 

“Blair!”

“Hey, Alex!” wrapping her arms around Alex’s neck from behind and gently hugging, then brushed a kiss onto her temple.  “How are you feeling?”

“Grumpy,” Alex stated with a frown and what could almost be the beginnings of a pout.  Blair looked at Geraldine who nodded her agreement emphatically.

“Well, it seems like I’ve arrived just in time then.”  She set a bag in front of Alex and took a seat beside her.  Alex drew in as deep a breath as she could manage and started smiling.

“Chocolate croissants?”

“Chocolate croissants... enough for everyone,” motioning Gerry to join them.  They ate in silence for a few minutes, then Alex turned to Blair.

“What brings you here, Blair?  Not that you’re not welcome....”

“I wanted to come check on you,” Blair said plainly. 

“You could have called.”

“Where’s the fun in that?  Besides, it’s really difficult to send fresh croissants over the phone.” 

“Fair enough.  Thank you for coming.  Are you just here for the day or...?”

“We’ll be going back Sunday afternoon.  Jo should be coming up tomorrow.  Have you talked to Abbie?”

Alex started to shake her head, then thought better of it.  “No... I think I’ve slept most of the last seventy-two hours.”

“When she wasn’t moaning about four walls and a ceiling,” Gerry teased.  Alex stuck out her tongue but smiled.

“Well, in that case, let’s get you outside in the sun for a while.  We can call Abbie from there.”

“Best idea I’ve heard in a while.”

“Me too,” Gerry said wickedly as she rose from the table.  “Do you girls need a hand getting settled outside?”  Blair and Alex exchanged glances then Blair shook her head.  “All right... you two go on ahead.  I’ll bring the phone and a snack in a little while.  Go on now... shoo.”

The two of them looked at one another and chuckled before they stood and made their way out to sit by the pool. “I really am glad you came, Blair,” Alex said when they were comfortably ensconced in lounge chairs around, “despite my earlier waspishness.”

“No worries, Alex.  I’m glad I came too.  How are you doing?  Aside from the PMSing, I mean,” Blair added with a smirk and a twinkle in her eyes.  “Things getting better?”  Alex smiled back at her wryly.

“They are... just not as quickly as I’d like them to.”

“I think that is true for most people who have suffered any kind of injury, Alex.  And given the circumstances....  You just have to give it time.  You were pretty severely injured.”

“I know.  It just gives me too much time to think.”

“About?”

“What I want to do now.  I don’t think I want to go back to the DA’s office anymore.”

Blair blinked, not expecting such forthrightness.  “Well,” she said, clearing her throat, “Do you know what you’d like to do?”

“I think I’d like to teach.”

“Teach... really?  And?”  A beat.  “Come on, Alex.  I know you well enough to know there’s more.”

“I’d like to do something for victims,” she confessed.  Silence for a few minutes; Alex’s countenance went grave and her eyes distant.  “When I first came to the DA’s office, I had all these big plans... grand ideas.  I was going to use the SVU to climb my way into the DA’s chair - I told Don Cragen as much my first day.”

When the silence started to drag on interminably, Blair prompted.  “When did that change?”

“I don’t know.  It was so gradual - I watched them… I watched her with them.  The victims became more than pictures and reports; they were living, breathing people.  Then I became a victim.”

“So what happened?  Alex, when you came home....”

“I was the same old Alex?”  Alex ran a hand through her hair.  “I honestly don’t know... brain damage, maybe?” drawing a giggle from Blair.  “I’m sure Munch would blame it on a government conspiracy - say I was replaced by a pod person or something,” her tone wry and dry.  “I’d almost have to agree with him.  I was so anxious to reclaim my life that I became the Ice Princess again. Nothing could touch the Ice Princess.  I pushed out everything I learned at the SVU - that way I wasn’t a victim anymore.”

“What changed?  Alex, you made a calculated choice.  You had everything that hallmarked your return from witness protection as extremely successful and you deliberately walked away from it.”

“Yeah… I had everything - a rich, successful fiancé, nice apartment, a job that put me years closer to the DA’s chair....”

“So”

“I wasn’t happy.”

“Simple as that?”

“Simple as that.  I was existing and it occurred to me that I was wasting my life... wasting the opportunity I’d been given to have a second chance at doing things right.”

“So are you happy now?”

Alex smiled.  “I’m working on it.  I’m happier than I’ve been in a long time.”

“Even without Olivia?”

“Even without.  At least I’m not living a lie now.”  Gerry stepped from the house carrying a tray and their conversation shifted.

************

“Carmichael residence, Casey Novak speaking.”

“Hey, Casey - it’s Olivia.”

“Oh hey, Olivia.  What’s up?”

“Actually, I was calling to check on Abbie.”

“You want to talk to her?  She’s sitting right here.  I was just closer to the phone and I can move faster.”

“Not my fault!” Liv heard Abbie whine in the background.  She chuckled.

“Um... sure.  Hey... when are you heading back to Manhattan?”

“Saturday.”

“Ooookay. We’ll talk Sunday?”

“Sounds good.  Here’s Abbie.”  There was a shuffling sound before Abbie spoke.

“Hey, Benson.”

“Hey, Carmichael.  How ya doing?”

“I’ve been better, but I’ve sure been worse.”

“Place a little crowded?”  Silence.  “Or can’t you talk right now?”

“No... I can talk.  Mama’s in the kitchen and Casey went... somewhere after she handed me the phone.”

“So?”

“So it’s all a little weird.  Mama is being... well, Mama and Casey....”  Abbie fell silent again and Liv finally felt the need to prompt her.

“Casey?”

“I’m not sure.”  Olivia could hear the shrug in her voice.  “She’s been sweet... coming over every day and keeping me company.  It’s been... nice.  A little awkward but nice.”

“Have you talked?”

“Not really... not like that.”

“Hello pot... kettle speaking.”

“Not the same thing, Abbie.”

“Sure it is, Liv.  The only difference is you already know how Alex feels.”

“I hate you.”

Abbie smiled.  “I know.  Listen, Mama’s coming, but I’d still like to talk.  Can I call you later?”

“Yeah, but call the cell.  I’m at the lodge until Sunday.  Blair wanted to come visit Alex and I needed to pack up all my stuff that got left in my rush to get to DC last week.”  She hesitated.  “Talk to Casey, Abbie.  She really does care about you.”

“Maybe,” she said tiredly.  “You go talk to Alex and we’ll compare notes later.”

“Later, Carmichael.”

“Bye, Benson.”

************

“Was that Olivia?” Emma asked as she set a pitcher of fresh lemonade down beside Abbie, reaching up to brush the dark hair from Abbie’s forehead and checking for fever.  Satisfied, she kissed the top of Abbie’s head before pulling away, then took a seat close by.

“Yes, Mama.  She was calling to check on me.”

“She’s a good friend.  I like her.”  She hesitated.  “I like Casey too.  She seems like a lovely young woman, and she seems to care for you a great deal.”

“Maybe,” not looking at her mother, but focusing her gaze somewhere out the window.

“Abigail Elizabeth....”  The address got Abbie’s reluctant attention and she turned her head to face her mother.  “Thank you.  Now what seems to be the trouble?  You don’t think she cares for you, baby girl?”

“I think she cares - I just don’t know if she cares enough.”  Abbie shook her head and took the deepest breath she could manage.  “I can’t believe I’m having this conversation with my mother.”

“Then maybe you should be having it with me,” Casey said quietly from the doorway.  Emma rose and patted Abbie’s shoulder as she passed by.  She exchanged glances with Casey and disappeared from the room.  Casey pushed off the doorjamb and crossed into the room.  Abbie took a deep breath and sighed.  Looked like Olivia was going to get her wish after all.

************

“Alexandra, there’s a phone call for you... a Samantha McPherson?” Gerry informed with a question in her voice as she stood in the doorway with the phone clasped to her.  Alex turned her head carefully to look at Gerry before looking back at Blair.

“That’s the young reporter Jo and Olivia spoke with in Washington... the one who wrote the article on the Embassy debacle.”

“Why is she calling me?”

“Why don’t you ask her?  She asked Jo and Olivia for the opportunity to make things right, but I guess she didn’t have time to talk to you or Abbie before you left the hospital.”

“I’m not sure she could have gotten in the door, all things considered,” Alex said with a smirk.  She reached out her hand to Geraldine and waited for the phone to be placed in it.  “Ms McPherson?” she said politely, nodding her head to Blair when she motioned she was going inside.  “What can I do for you?”

Blair followed Gerry back into the kitchen, giving Alex privacy for her call.  Her mouth watered when she smelled the scent of fresh baked cookies.  Gerry smiled at the puppy dog eyes Blair was giving her and motioned her to a seat at the counter.  She poured a glass of fresh milk and put two piping hot cookies onto a plate.

“You get just about anything you want with that look, don’t you?” Gerry asked with a smirk.  “Your detective doesn’t say no to very much, does she?”  Blair chuckled.

“You’d be surprised,” she confessed.  “Jo is a very proud woman and I would never do anything to undermine that.  It’s where she gets a lot of her strength.”  She shook her head and Gerry wondered what she was thinking.  “Took me a long time to understand that.”  Blair met Gerry’s eyes.  “So she never says no when I use it, but I’ve learned to be very particular about when it gets used.”

“Smart woman,” Gerry commented.  She waited for Blair to take a bite of the rapidly cooling cookies before she asked.  “So why did you follow me inside?  And don’t blame the cookies - you didn’t know I was making them until you walked into the kitchen.  I don’t think it had anything to do with Alexandra’s phone call either, did it?”

Blair swallowed and took a sip of milk.  “You don’t miss much do you?”

“Ms Warner, I’ve spent my entire adult life in the service of the Cabot family - lawyers and judges every one.  I learned how to observe from the best.  So what’s on your mind?”

Blair cleared her throat.  “Olivia is here with me.  Now I don’t know if she will venture over here or not, but I wanted you to be prepared to receive her, just in case.”

“You think she might?”

“I think her mind is losing the battle to her heart, but she got one of the strongest wills I have ever come across.”

“Much like Alexandra.”  Blair nodded and took another bite.  “I’ll be ready, Ms Warner.  I just hope you’re right. Does Alexandra know?”

“No.  I saw no reason to raise her hopes, especially since Olivia is determined to be stubborn about this.”

“Peas in a pod,” Gerry muttered, causing Blair to snort and subsequently choke.  It was to this scene that Alex walked in on a moment later.  She turned concerned blue eyes to Gerry who hastened to explain.  “Cookie down the wrong hole,” was all she said, but it was enough.  Alex made her way to Blair’s side.

“You all right?” watching as Blair wiped the tears from her eyes and took slow breaths.

“Yes... I just need to figure out how to chew and swallow while breathing.  Apparently it’s a skill I have yet to master,” rolling her brown eyes dramatically.  Alex chuckled.

“Keep practicing.  I’m sure you’ll get the knack eventually.”  Blair glared and Alex laughed.

“So was I right?” motioning to the phone Alex still held in her hand.

“What?  Oh... yes.  She sounds like a nice young woman.  She’d like to interview me and Abbie. I asked her to let me talk to Abbie and we’d get back to her with a time and place.”

“So you’re going to do it?”

“I think so, yeah.  It couldn’t hurt and maybe it will help.”

“Who?”

“Other victims... people who think we should all live in a box, maybe?  Maybe it will just help Sam McPherson.  But it’d be nice for something good to come out of all this.  Might make the headache worth it.”  Neither of them noticed Geraldine leave the room.

************

Casey sat down on the opposite end of the couch Abbie was sitting on and turned to face her.  Abbie deliberately kept her gaze on the vista just beyond the window.  Casey waited, but as it became evident that Abbie was content to sit in silence, she decided to take matters into her own hands.  “Talk to me, Abbie,” her voice soft and coaxing.  Casey watched Abbie carefully, noting the clenching of her jaw and the intense focus on something outside Casey’s view.  She saw the deep breath, but there was an extended pause before Abbie spoke.

“Why are you here, Casey?”

“Hu… what?”

“It’s a simple question - why are you here?”  She waited but there was no immediate answer.  “It’s not that I don’t appreciate the company, but it’s not like we really know one another either.  You have no obligation to me.  So why are you here?”

Casey sighed.  She’d wondered when someone - probably Abbie - would get around to asking that question because she really didn’t have an answer.  She turned her focus to the window Abbie continued to stare out of, hoping for some kind of divine guidance.  Finally she settled for the simplest version of the truth. 

“I needed to be here.”

“Why?  Casey, I appreciate the concern, really, but there’s no need for you to stay.  Mama’s got everything covered, and I’m doing all right.  I know you’ve got a life, and it’s not here.”

“That’s what this is about... me having a life?”  Casey rose from the couch and moved until she was kneeling beside Abbie.  Abbie resolutely keep her eyes fastened out the window.

“I know you decided you were entitled to one.  And you’re right… you were.  I think almost everyone who serves in that division comes to that conclusion eventually.  Frankly I’m surprised it took you as long as it did.  SVU is a tough racket... it takes a toll on everyone who works there and you’ve been there a long time.  So I really don’t blame you for wanting a life.”  Abbie sighed.  “But I don’t want you to give that up to be here.”

“Who says I am?”

“Casey, I know you were getting into the whole dating scene.  I don’t want you to resent me because you felt I was keeping you from that. I’d like for us to be friends.”

“Friends?  Is that all?”

“I think it’s all we have a shot at,” Abbie answered honestly.  “We’re at different places in our lives.”  Casey took Abbie’s face in her hands and gently urged her to look Casey in the eye.

“Abbie... I’m here because this is where I want to be.  This is where I need to be.”

“Why?”

“Because I care, Abbie.”  She paused.  “What if I want to be more than friends?”

“Casey....”

“Abbie... can’t we try?”  Silence.  With a sigh, Casey’s hands slid from Abbie’s face and she started to stand... only to stop when Abbie’s hand landed on her arm. 

“I would like to start as friends first.  I just don’t want you to be here if....”  She sighed.  “Casey, I don’t want you to be unhappy.  And I don’t want you to hurt me,” she finished on a whisper.

“Abbie, there’s nowhere else I want to be and no one else I’d rather be with.  I won’t hurt you.”

“You can’t know that.”

Casey wondered who had hurt Abbie so badly in her past that despite her swaggering, flirting personality she shied away from any serious commitment.  She determined to find out when she had more of Abbie’s trust - first, however, she had to get Abbie to trust her.

“You’re right - I can’t know that for certain.  But I do know I can do my very best to make sure I don’t.”  She paused and stood, clutching Abbie’s hand.  “Sorry, my knees are killing me.”

“Getting old there, young’un?”

“Trying to catch up, old woman,” Casey sassed with a smirk.  “I’ve got a ways to go yet.”  She sat down next to Abbie without releasing her hand and her expression went courtroom serious.  “Can I tell you something?” waiting for Abbie to nod.  “Getting a life nearly killed me.  Suddenly everyone I knew wanted to set me up with someone they knew.  I thought it would be fun and exciting.  Instead it was exhausting,” smiling when Abbie chuckled.  “I do want a life outside the SVU... just not the one I fell into.”

Abbie curled her legs up under her and turned to face Casey.  “What kind of life do you want, Casey?”

“Something a little simpler - good friends, quiet evenings, Saturday ball games, Sunday crosswords and someone to share it with.”

“That sounds nice.”

“So... friends?”

“I’d like that.”

“And after that?”

“One day at a time, Casey.”

“That’s a start.  Now c’mon.  I’m hungry and Emma promised me real Texas barbeque today.”

“Oh... I’m there.  Nothing beats my mama’s barbeque.  I’ve missed it.”

“C’mon then, Tex... time’s awastin’.”

************

A knock on the door brought Olivia’s attention back to her surroundings.  Blair had dropped her off on her way to visit Alex and Olivia had spent her time since straightening up and packing up the belongings she’d brought with her almost a month previously.  Her art lay undisturbed on the second bed and along every other flat surface Blair could find. 

Now she turned her back on the room and hurried out to answer the door.  “Jason?”

Jason Bernard stood there with a plate in one hand, doffing his hat with the other.  Olivia opened the door wider and motioned him in.  He stepped across the threshold and stopped in the foyer, extending the plate.  Liv took it and gestured him further inside, but Jason shook his head.

“I need to be getting back, Detective.  Gerry just sent me over with some cookies for you.  Said you shouldn’t have to miss out on the good stuff just because you had work to do before heading back to the City.”

Olivia smiled.  “That was so sweet.  Tell her thank you, would you?”

“Yes’m, I’ll do that, though you’re more than welcome to come tell her yourself.”  He nodded his head and clapped his hat back on his head.  Then he stepped back outside, closing the door before Liv could comment. She stared at the closed door for a long moment, then snitched a cookie from the plate before returning to the guest room.

She was nearly done packing up her clothes and personal effects.  Even though she’d made herself at home during her stay, she wasn’t naturally messy so there really hadn’t been that much to do.  Mostly it had been a delaying tactic to avoid dealing with the art.  Now however, there was little left to do.

Liv looked around, noting there was nowhere to put the plate.  Sighing, she traipsed to the kitchen, snagging a couple more cookies before depositing them on the counter.  Then she went back to the guest room.

She started with the landscapes - photographs then art.  Then she moved on to the more personal pieces.  First it was the charcoal sketches of friends and family - Elliot and Kathy and the kids; Jo and Blair; Casey; Abbie; Melinda Warner and her family; Fin, Munch and Cragen.  Each of them brought a smile to her face.

Olivia put them away in the sleeve carefully, then turned back to the remainder - some charcoal, some colored pencil.  Alex Cabot all of them and all from memory.  There were ones from court and ones from the few nights out they shared; ones from quiet moments in Alex’s office and a couple from the precinct.  But the one that brought a smile to Olivia’s face was of the night when Alexandra Cabot had come crashing back into her life.  She was casually leaning against the doorjamb dressed in cowboy boots, a teal tank top and painted on blue jeans, glasses of justice dangling from one hand.

Heaving another big sigh, Liv put them into a separate folder, tucking all of them into the chest that housed her supplies.  Then she looked at the large canvas, shaking her head.  It had been an impulse purchase one day when she was out and it wouldn’t fit into the chest.  But the work was some of her best and she couldn’t bear to see it destroyed either.  Olivia decided to ask Blair if she could leave it here until she could get a crate to move it in.

Satisfied with her success, Olivia went back to the kitchen, pouring herself a glass of milk before grabbing a handful of cookies and walking outside.  It was beautiful out - cool, crisp and sunny and Liv stretched out like a cat on a chaise to enjoy the sun, not even realizing when she fell asleep.  This was how Blair found her several hours later upon her return.

***********

“So did you get a lot done?” Blair asked as they were seated in the restaurant.  The waiter took the drink order and moved away, leaving them in peace for a few minutes.

“I got finished actually.  Everything’s packed and ready to go... except for the oil.  Can I leave that until I can get a crate to ship it in?”

“Absolutely, Olivia.  We have plenty of room.”

“Thanks, Blair.  And thanks for letting me use the lodge.  As much as it surprises me to admit this, I really enjoyed it.” 

Their waiter reappeared then to bring their drinks and take their orders, but Blair picked up their conversation right where they’d left off at the interruption.  “Why were you surprised, Olivia?”

Liv blinked, then blushed slightly.  “Sorry... that sounded ungrateful, didn’t it?  I didn’t mean it that way.  It’s just... being here is so different from what I know.  The City is my home - it always has been.  My idea of the great outdoors has always been time in Central Park.  Having so much outdoors and being around so little humanity for this long a stretch of time has been such a different experience, and it’s one I’ve really enjoyed being able to have.”

Blair smiled.  “You’re always welcome, Olivia.”

Liv tore off a piece of bread from the loaf and took a bite.  “Careful, Blair... I just might take you up on that.”

“I hope you do, my friend.  It’s been good for you,” taking in the relaxed posture across from her.  “Even with all the recent excitement.”

“Speaking of the recent excitement,” Olivia segued after the waiter set the first course in front of them, “How is Alex doing?”

“She’s doing better.”

“And?”

“She’s doing better.  If you want to know more, you should visit her.”  A beat.  “Olivia....”  Blair shook her head.  “How’s Ms Carmichael?”

“What were you going to say? ‘Cause I know it wasn’t to ask about Abbie.”

“It doesn’t matter.  I promised I wouldn’t get involved.  Besides, I really would like to know how she’s doing.”

“You think I should talk to Alex, don’t you?” meeting Blair’s eyes.  Brown held brown, then Liv sighed and looked down at her plate before catching Blair’s gaze again.  “That’s all right... I’m starting to think so too.  As for Abbie,” she went on before Blair could comment.  “She’s doing better.  She’s supposed to call me.”

“Give her our best wishes.  Maybe when everything settles we can get everyone together - have some fun.”

Liv smiled.  “Maybe.”  Then they turned their attention to the dinner the waiter placed in front of them and when conversation resumed, it moved on to other topics. 

************

“Emma?”

“Hmm?”  Emma Carmichael looked up from her book as Casey opened the door and poked her head into the guest room.  She marked her place then beckoned Casey in.  “Come in, Dear.  What can I do for you?” noting the pensive expression Casey wore.

Casey cleared her throat and studied the floor before meeting Emma’s eyes - eyes that reminded her very much of Abbie’s.  “Can you... do you know what caused Abbie to be so gun shy?”

Emma studied Casey carefully before motioning for her to take a seat.  “I think that’s something you should talk to Abbie about, Casey.”

Casey stood back up and went to the window.  “I tried... sort of.  She thinks I’m going to hurt her.”

“Are you?”  Casey whirled from the window, green eyes sparking fire.  Emma held up her hand to keep the tirade she could see from spilling out of Casey’s mouth.  “Casey, my daughter is a confident, cocky, arrogant woman and a kick-ass attorney.  But that’s a persona she wears to protect the real woman behind the mask.  She doesn’t have many friends... trust doesn’t come easily for her.”

“But....”

“Casey, if you care for my daughter the way I think you do, you’re going to have to be patient with her.  And you’re going to have to be firm... she’ll test you.  Show her you’re in for the long run.”

“How?”

“You’ve made a good start.”  Emma stood and took Casey’s hands in hers.  “Be her friend. That’s the hard part.  If she lets you in there, the rest should be easy.  But Casey, don’t hurt her.  If you’re not serious, please... walk away now.”

“NO.  I’m here for the long haul.  Abigail Elizabeth Carmichael will just have to deal with it.”

Emma smiled.  “Good girl... I knew there was a reason I liked you.”

“I do need to return to New York soon though.  My bosses are starting to chomp at the bit and since Abbie isn’t technically family....”  She trailed off.  “However, I do plan to keep tabs on her.  The phone is my friend and the highway runs both ways.”

“I like you, Casey Novak.  I think we’ll keep you... even if Abbie doesn’t know it yet.”

Their laughter caused Abbie to smile in her sleep.

************

“Blair, do you mind if I borrow the car today?”

“Not at all,” passing Olivia the keys.  “I have work I need to do before Jo gets here later.  Should I ask where you’re going or when you’re going to be home?”

Liv grinned though the smile didn’t quite reach her eyes.  “I dunno... should you?  I just thought I’d get outta the way for a little while - give you and Jo a little time alone together.”

“First of all, you’re not in the way, all right?  But if you need a little space... well, that I can certainly understand.”  Blair caught the faraway look in Liv’s eyes.  “Go talk to her, Olivia.  You’re not going to find any real peace of mind until you do.”

Liv didn’t say a word - she simply took the keys and leaned forward, brushing the lightest of kisses across Blair’s cheek.  Then she headed out the door.

She drove for a little while, enjoying the beautiful fall colors and idly wishing she’d remembered to bring her camera along.  She tried to keep her mind clear, to let it wander aimlessly from thought to random thought.  But like a compass drawn to the north, inevitably her thoughts always swung back to Alex.  With a frustrated sigh, Liv turned the car around.  It was time for Olivia Benson to bite the bullet and face Alex Cabot.

************

She opened the door, trying not to draw attention to her entry.  Blair needed to get her work done before Jo arrived and Liv knew she’d be in for twenty questions if Blair heard her.  So she crept to her room, took care of her business and sneaked out again the way she’d come in.  When the front door closed behind her, Jo and Blair stepped from the kitchen.

“You think...?” Blair commented as they listened to her car rolling down the driveway.

Jo smirked.  “Uh huh.  C’mon.  I’m hungry,” leading Blair back into the kitchen.  “I skipped lunch to get up here early.  We can worry about Liv and Alex later.”

“With any luck, we won’t have anything to worry about.”

“We can hope.”

************

Olivia rubbed the palms of her hands along the thighs of her jeans and knocked.  She heard steps and blew out a deep breath, stuffing her hands in her pockets just as Geraldine opened the door.  Liv affected a stance she hoped was cool and met Geraldine’s eyes... or would have if Gerry hadn’t been giving her the once over.  She fought to keep the blush down, just succeeding when Geraldine’s amused eyes met her sunglasses.

“Detective Benson?”

“Just Olivia, Gerry.  Is Ms Cabot available?”

“She’s in the family room, Olivia,” opening the door wider and ushering Liv inside.  “Just follow the sound of the music.”  Geraldine gestured in the right direction, then moved off towards the kitchen, leaving Olivia alone in the hall.  For a long moment she stood absolutely still, breathing deeply to slow her heart rate.  And she listened carefully, allowing the music to guide her to a room she’d not seen before.

Alex sat behind a baby grand piano, eyes closed as her hands stroked the keys with expert familiarity.  Olivia chanced a look around.  It was a large room - shelves of books covered the far wall and the furniture was neatly clustered to allow appreciation of both the fireplace that eclipsed most of one wall and the piano that took up one whole side of the room.

Carefully Liv walked into the room, practiced steps silent as she made her way to the piano.  She leaned against it casually, watching undetected as Alex put her heart and soul into a melody that was haunting and mysterious.  Olivia tried to place it - Serena Benson had instilled an appreciation of the classics in her daughter... art, literature, music and theatre... and yet Olivia could not determine which master Alex was currently playing.

The music drew to a close and Alex opened her eyes, gasping when she realized she had an audience and just exactly who the audience was.  “Olivia?”

“Hello, Counselor.  Long time, no see,” grinning rakishly and removing the sunglasses from her dark eyes.  Alex stared at her for a long moment, then let her gaze peruse Olivia’s body - from her shiny black boots up long, tapered legs encased in tight, black jeans.  A form-fitting tank top was mostly hidden by a dark leather jacket and in her eyes....  Alex’s blue eyes widened at the implications of what she thought she saw.

“Detective?”

Liv shook her head.  “No... it’s just Liv.  I thought if I haven’t managed to make you hate me yet, that maybe we could talk.”

Alex stared at Olivia for a long moment, holding her eyes and reading the myriad of things swirling around in the dark depths.  She nodded and motioned Liv towards the furniture at the other side of the room.  Liv held out her hand towards Alex who hesitated, then grasped it as if it was a lifeline.  She allowed Olivia to help her from the bench and together they walked hand in hand to the couch.

Olivia seated Alex in one corner then dropped her hand and walked to the fireplace.  She stared at Alex for a little while, noting the still obvious damage that had recently been done to her, making her a victim again.  The marks on the outside were healing but what about the marks on the inside... the mental suffering that was as much a part of her assault as the beating?  What about the things she had lived through while in Witness Protection... did she still live with those scars as well?

Alex held her gaze without blinking, never flinching, curious as to what thoughts were running behind the brown eyes.  Olivia turned to face the fireplace focusing on the low flames that flickered there, slowly becoming aware of the heat that radiated at her knee level.  Now that the moment was here, she wasn’t really sure what to say.  Then she felt Alex at her back.  “Let me take your coat, Olivia, before you start roasting.”

Before she could protest, Alex had divested her of her leather jacket, folding it neatly and laying it over the back of one of the straight-backed chairs.  Alex settled in to wait and Olivia returned her gaze to the fire.  “When you left... after Velez... I was - I felt like part of me was gone... like I had missed out knowing something amazing in my life.  It hurt... and it made me angry.  To have been so close and yet....”  She shrugged.  “Then you came back for the Connor’s trial and I understood that you had moved on.  And that made me angrier because you obviously didn’t care like I did.  I didn’t mean anything to you.  That realization nearly killed me.”

She went silent for so long, Alex felt compelled to speak.  “It wasn’t like that at all.”

Olivia laughed bitterly.  “Wasn’t it?  Because that’s damn sure what it felt like!  Especially after you came home to stay, and we had to find out through the grapevine!  God, Alex!”  She paused and looked around without ever turning to look at Alex.  “I’m not sure what I’m doing here,” shaking her head.

“Olivia, look at me.”  Liv shook her head again and kept her eyes firmly focused on the fire.  “Liv, if you want to talk about this, you’re going to have to let me speak.  And I’d appreciate having your complete attention.”  Olivia bit her bottom lip and sighed, then straightened and turned to face Alex.  Alex caught her breath at the pain and anger reflected back at her.  She hesitated, then extended her hand.  “Please... come sit next to me.  I promise not to touch unless you want me to.  I certainly won’t bite.”

Liv studied her for a long moment, then came around the far side of the couch and took the corner opposite Alex.  Close enough to touch, but far enough away to be untouchable.  She crossed her arms over her chest protectively and waited.  Now Alex sighed.

“I told you about why I kept you out of my life when I returned... or why I tried to.  Believe me, if I could go back and redo things, knowing what I know now - I would have done so many things differently.  I never would have pursued Velez.  The price I’ve paid repeatedly for my stubbornness has been astronomical.  It cost me my life, my family, my home... but mostly it cost me us... what we were as well as what we were becoming.  When I was in Wisconsin, it was the memory of you and what we had so nearly had that drove me to find some sort of human connection.”  Olivia snorted with disbelief.  “Don’t, Detective.  I know you did the same.”

“After you came back and made it clear I was nothing to you.”

“Oh, Liv... you were never nothing.  You were everything and I couldn’t let you be everything... not then.  I knew I couldn’t stay, and part of me wanted you to find happiness even if it couldn’t be with me.  You deserved that much - you deserved so much more.  He was a poor substitute for you, and frankly I was glad I had to come back, if only because I knew it meant I would be moved again, and he wouldn’t be there.”

“That’s cold, Alex.”

Alex shrugged and nodded.  “It’s also true.”  A beat.  “Liv, as much as I would like to, I can’t change the past - I can only go forward from where I am now.  That’s all either of us can do.  So why are you really here?  What exactly are you looking for from me?”

Olivia unwrapped her arms from her upper body and leaned forward, forearms on her knees, hands loosely clasped between them and head down.  When she spoke, her voice was low and Alex struggled to hear the words.  “I’d thought, if I just kept you out of my life, everything would be fine.  You couldn’t hurt me anymore and I could just go about my business.  Then you came crashing back in without regard to the fact that I was angry and hurt and I found out that the walls I’d built against you were so much rice paper in their effectiveness against you.  That just pissed me off more.  And the fact that you expected me to just forgive and forget and move on like nothing had changed simply added fuel to the fire.”  Alex’s eyes widened - she’d never known Olivia to be so eloquent or verbose, though she’d never doubted her intelligence.  Most of her dealings with the detective’s speech involved her talking to perps or fighting with Alex herself.  Alex remained silent and listened.  “I wanted you to hurt like I did, and when my chance to inflict damage on you came, I cut as hard and deep as I could.”

Alex gasped.  “You said all that just to hurt me?”

“I meant what I said, Alex - I just made sure it hurt you to hear it.”

Silence.  Then, “You did a good job.  I never thought you could be so hateful... or so heartless,” refusing to look at Olivia.

“Neither did I, and I’ve felt like a jackass ever since.  I should’ve been happy that you were home again and happy regardless of who made you that way and why and I wasn’t; I wanted to mean something to you.  Then I should’ve been happy that you were offering me another chance, and all I felt was anger that you were pandering to me out of some warped sense of obligation.”

“What happened?” Alex finally asked when the silence dragged on for too long.

“I nearly lost you... again.  And if I had, the only one to blame for it would’ve been me.”

“Olivia, you didn’t attack me and Abbie.”

“No... I did worse.  I let you go off thinking you meant nothing to me.  And that’s never been true.”  She hesitated then continued.  “I thought I’d be all right keeping you at arm’s length - you’d still be there but you’d never be close enough to hurt me.  I could make sure of that.  And yet when Elliot stopped by to tell me the news... I knew right then, you’d always have that power... whether I gave it to you or not, it was yours.”

“So you’re here because of guilt?”

“I’m here because I can’t pretend anymore.”

Alex blew out a tremulous breath, not expecting to ever have her own words handed back to her.  This was so much more than she’d expected to hear, and even though parts of it cut her to the quick, she felt a sense of release accompany Olivia’s honesty.  “So what do you want to do now, Liv?”

Olivia shrugged, still keeping her eyes on the floor.  “I’m not sure that’s for me to decide.”

“I didn’t ask you to make a decision.  I asked what you wanted,” Alex replied in a tone that brought Liv’s eyes up to meet hers.

“I’d like....”  She blew out a breath.  “I’d like to take you up on your previous offer - to try and be friends again... maybe see where that takes us.”

“The conditions of that offer have changed, Olivia, but the offer is still on the table if you’re really interested.”

“What’s changed?” Liv asked warily and with a hint of sadness.

“No more games.  We have to be honest with one another - even when it hurts - or this will never work.  It was because we were playing that we missed out on what we could have had before Velez, and I refuse to waste any more time and effort dancing around one another pretending. So absolutely - we can be friends again.  But I want you to know up front that I would like it all from you - a life, a home, a family.  If you only want to be friends, I need to know that now.”

“I’d like to try, Alex.  I’ve never had that with anyone.  I don’t know if I’m capable, and I can’t promise I won’t screw things up.”

“Of course you’ll screw things up, and so will I.  It’s part of being in a relationship... whether it’s as friends or something more.  The difference is, we make an effort to make it work anyway.”

“All right.  I can do that.  We were friends before....”

Alex smiled.  “We still are.  We just got off-track for a little while.”

“And we have a lot to catch up on.”

“Yes, we do.  C’mon,” standing slowly and offering her hand to Olivia.  “I want cookies and milk.”

“Won’t that ruin your dinner?”

“Who says it’s not my dinner?” Alex returned with an impish smile.  Liv just grinned and shook her head, then took Alex’s hand and let her lead them to the kitchen.  Things were finally looking up.

************

“Alexandra Isabelle Cabot!!  What exactly is going on in my kitchen??” 

At the sound of her full name, both Alex and Olivia had frozen in place.  Now two heads turned in tandem to find Geraldine standing in the doorway, hands on hips and eyebrows arched in question.  Both had cookies in their hands and had the good grace to look sheepish when she glared at them sternly.

“How old are you??  Ruining your dinner with cookies and milk??  And you,” focusing on Liv, “you’re just as bad, so please don’t give me that innocent routine.  Now out... both of you.  You can have cookies and milk for dessert, but I expect you both to eat a good dinner first,” shooing them from the kitchen like well-scolded children.  “Honestly,” muttering to herself.  “You’d think they were five.  I thought I raised them better than that,” was the last they heard before they scampered back to the living room.  They fell onto the couch, shaking with silent laughter.

“Oh my God, that was funny,” Olivia choked out between breaths.

“I’m sorry, Olivia.  I never expected....” Alex said around her laughter.

“Don’t be.  That has to be one of the funniest things I’ve ever been part of.”

“I’m certain she’ll realize the truth before you go home; you’ll probably end up with a plateful of cookies as an apology.”

“I hope not,” Liv confessed, seeing Alex’s eyes widen in surprise.  She held up her hand before Alex could ask.  “If Gerry keeps sending me cookies, I’m not gonna be able to chase perps anymore.  I’ll just have to roll over them because running will be completely out of the question.”  She saw the frown and continued.  “She had Jason bring me by a plate full yesterday.  Blair and I had the last of them for a midnight snack.”

Now Alex grinned.  “Better warn Elliot it’s his turn to do the running for a while then.  If Gerry finds out she’s got the secret to fattening you up a little, she’ll exploit it.  She’s determined I’m too thin and has made it her mission to put some meat on my bones - her words... not mine.”

“And how does that affect me exactly?”

“Trust me, Detective.  If I’m too thin to be doing my job where the most strenuous thing I do all day is sit behind a desk and ream out interns, you are definitely too thin to be chasing criminals.  Doesn’t matter that it’s all muscle mass - all she sees is thin.”

“Good to know.  I’ll start adding a few more layers of clothes.  Although after this weekend, it won’t really matter.”

“Are you looking forward to going back?”

“Yeah... I really am.  Don’t get me wrong - in retrospect, I’m actually happy about the suspension.  I needed a break... a little time to regroup, and obviously I wasn’t going to take one without being forced to or I already would have.  But the SVU is where I belong, at least for now.  I do so much good there despite everything.”

“Yes, you do,” Alex agreed solemnly.  “You changed my reasons for being there.”

“Did I?”

“Absolutely.  It started out being about me - about my win/loss ratio and how it could get me to the big chair.  That didn’t last very long.”

“Why didn’t you say something?”

“Would you have believed me?  I had made a big deal out of ensuring you all knew exactly why I was there and I had earned my Ice Princess reputation.  No one would have believed I had such a drastic change of heart.”

“I would’ve.  We all would’ve, especially after the Cavanaugh case.  We watched you start caring about the victims instead of the stats.”

“Why didn’t anyone say anything?”

“And mess up the Ice Princess rep you’d put into place?  Uh uh... you may have been the very Devil as far as we were concerned, but you were our Devil and we weren’t gonna mess up what was working for you... and for us.  I figured you’d let us know when you were ready to be seen as something more.”

Alex shook her head.  “I was such an idiot.”

“Yeah, well... we all were.”  Olivia took a deep breath.  “Hey, not to change the subject, but I meant to ask - what were you playing earlier?  I didn’t recognize the composer and I thought I was familiar with most of the masters.  It’s been driving me nuts trying to figure it out.”

“You won’t,” Alex assured her.  “It’s not a classical piece in that sense of the word.”

“So a new guy?”

“Yeah... something like that.” 

“What’s his name?  I’d like to check out some of his other work.  If it’s anything like the piece you were playing, I wanna pick up a CD if he’s got one.”

“I’m fairly confident that’s not an option in this case,” standing and walking over to the wet bar on the wall opposite the fireplace.

“Oh?  And why’s that?” watching Alex curiously.

“Because I never made one.  Drink?”

“Whoa - back up.  Excuse me?”

“I said, I never made a CD,” meeting Liv’s eyes steadily, but Olivia could clearly see her nervousness.

“That was... you wrote that?  Alex, that was amazing.  Why did you go to law school when you have such an enormous musical gift?”

“Why did you become a police officer when you could have been the next Monet?”

“You know?”

“Only what I’ve been told by those who’ve seen.”  She looked at Liv shyly.  “I’d like to see sometime, if you’d be willing to share.”

“I’ll make a deal with you - you find a way to put your music on CD for me, and I’ll give you your own private showing.”

Alex’s brow arched in thought, then she nodded.  “It will take a little while, but you’ve got yourself a deal, Detective.”

Olivia nodded and swallowed hard, wondering just exactly what she’d gotten herself into.  Then Geraldine called them back into the kitchen for dinner and she forgot to worry about it.  She was too busy trying not to burst into laughter again and was confident Alex was doing the same thing though she didn’t dare look at her to check.  Dinner was going to be an interesting affair.

************

It was late when Olivia returned to the Warner Lodge.  She crept in quietly, not wanting to disturb the household, only to have Jo and Blair call out to her as she passed by the living room door.  Liv stepped into the room to find her friends curled up comfortably together in front of the fire.

“Good night?” Jo asked, though the change was evident in both Liv’s posture and her expression.  But she had a feeling Olivia might like the opportunity to express her feeling aloud.

“Yeah, actually,” she said with a smile, sitting down in the chair and putting her booted feet on the ottoman in front of her.  “Alex and I hashed things out... really talked for a change - something we haven’t done in years.”

“It went well, I take it.”

“I think so.  We’re friends again... or at least we’re trying to be.”

“Just friends?” Jo asked, earning her a smack from Blair.  She turned fierce green eyes to meet equally fierce brown.  “Whaddya do that for?  It’s a legitimate question.”

“Maybe Olivia doesn’t want to share all the nitty gritty details, Jo.  This is her life, you know... hers and Alex’s.”

“And...?  That doesn’t mean she doesn’t have things she might like to tell.  Especially about this ‘friends’ business.”  Jo turned to Liv.  “So... what the hell’s going on?”

Blair rolled her eyes and blew out an impatient breath, but sat good-naturedly waiting for Olivia to answer.  Liv just chuckled silently and shook her head.  “I wanna grow up to be just like you two.  Don’t you ever change.  As for what the hell’s going on - Alex and I are remembering how to be friends again.  She’d like more... we both would, but we got a few issues and years worth of catching up to work through first.”

“At least you’ve finally taken that first step.”

“Or two.  Did you know she is a gifted musician?” The blonde head nodded and the dark head shook, then Jo turned to look at Blair.  Blair shrugged.

“You forget Alex and I have a passing acquaintance from years back.  Her mother used to have her play at society functions.  She was convinced Alex was going to be the next Mozart.”

“She certainly has the talent,” Liv commented.  “What happened?”

“Family expectations.  Cabots are lawyers or judges or politicians - in most cases, all three.  Music had no chance to take root as anything more than a serious hobby.”

“That’s a shame... at least if Alex wanted to become a musician.”

“I think she likes being a lawyer... or she did.  But she never lost her love of music.”

“Well,” Liv said as she rose to her feet, “she promised to make me a CD of her work so that’s something to look forward to at any rate.  Now, if you two will excuse me, I’m gonna go to bed.”

“Night, Liv.”

“Night, Olivia.”

“Goodnight, guys.”

************

“Abbie Carmichael’s residence. Emma Carmichael speaking.”

“Hi, Mrs. Carmichael - it’s Olivia Benson.  Is Abbie available?  I missed her call yesterday and it was late before I was able to return it.  So I thought it best to wait until this morning.”

“Probably a wise decision, Olivia.  Let me see if I can find her.  Hold on a moment please.”

Liv was grateful for the lack of annoying hold music while she waited.  Then, “Benson?  Where the hell have you been?  You’re never away from your phone that long.  I was getting worried!”

“Cool it, Carmichael, before you strain something.  I’m fine.  I was talking to Alex.”

“Whoo hoo!  And??”

“And we’re working on it.”

“It... as in...?”

“As in friends first.  We’ve got a lot of stuff to work on.  But at least we’re talking now.”

“That’s good then.”

“No... that’s great.  I haven’t felt like this in a long time.  So how are you and Casey?” not giving Abbie a moment to comment on what she said or to think about her answer.

“We’re talking,” Abbie stated plainly.  “Taking things one day at a time.  She swears she’s in it for the long haul.  Guess we’ll see.”

“Good,” Olivia pronounced succinctly.  “At least you’ll get another friend out of it, and she’s a good one to have.  Don’t try to chase her off, Abbie, and don’t hurt her.  She’ll be good for you if you let her.”

“You sound like my mother,” Abbie grumbled.  “Whose side are you on here anyway?”

“Yours, believe it or not.  It’s time for you to let go and be happy, Abbie.  You’ve held on to it long enough.”

“I don’t know if I can,” Abbie confessed.

“You can.  We’ll all help.  Now when are you coming back up here?  Alex told me she invited you and your mom for a long weekend.”

“Still recovering here.  Why do you want to know?” she asked suspiciously.

“I’d like to try and plan to be here.  I think Alex is hoping to meet with Sam McPherson when you two are together.”

“Tell her to make arrangements with Ms McPherson.  Mama and I will work around that,” Abbie said with a sigh.

“You sure you’re all right?” Olivia asked with genuine concern.

“Yeah... just a little nervous.  It’s been a long time....”

“One day at a time, Abbie.  It’ll be worth it, I promise.”

“You’re an expert now?” asked with a smile on her face that Liv could hear.

“Oh yeah... years of experience, you know.”

“All right... I’ve gotta git.  Casey’s promised me a picnic on the Mall while the weather’s nice.  And since she’s leaving in the morning....”

“Tell her to drive safely and ask her to call me when she gets in.  I’ll be back in the City by early afternoon.”

“All right - you drive safely too and let me know when you get in.”

“Yes, Mom.”

“I mean it, Benson, or I’ll sic my mama on you.”

“All right, all right.  No need to threaten me.  I’ll call you tomorrow.”

************

“Dinner was wonderful, Alex.  Thanks for inviting us over,” Blair said as they moved into the family room once the meal was over.

“It was the least I could do considering all you have done for me over the past few weeks.”

“Will you play?” Jo asked, motioning to the baby grand.  “I’m the only one here who hasn’t heard you, and while I don’t have Blair’s training or Liv’s ear, I’d still like to hear if you’d be willing to play.”

“Please,” Olivia added and Alex sighed, knowing she was lost.  She took a seat on the bench and ran her hands along the keys, warming up before launching into a melody Olivia knew had been composed while Alex had been in Witness Protection.  It was haunting and sad and lonely and brought tears to her eyes though she refused to let them fall.

“I want a copy of that CD, please,” Blair said quietly, breaking the heavy silence that had fallen with the final note of Alex’s music.  Alex turned to Olivia and glared.

“You’ve got a big mouth, Detective.”

Olivia shrugged.  “Like you didn’t already know that.”

“True, and don’t think there won’t be eventual payback.”  Alex turned to Blair.  “Maybe for Christmas.  I have to make some arrangements and I do have a career to get back to eventually.  However,” she continued before anyone could question, “Sam McPherson has asked to meet with Abbie and me and we’re trying for this next weekend.  Can you make it back up here?” looking at Olivia.

“I’m sure I’ll have duty, but I’ll do what I can.”

“Why not come to the City?” Blair suggested.  “Olivia will be there; Jo and I will be there; Ms Novak will be there....”

“All right, all right... I get the picture,” Alex said with a hint of laughter in her voice.  “I’ll tell Abbie to come to the City and let Ms McPherson know.  I need to get back anyway.  I’ve got things to take care of before I go back to work.”

“Are you sure you’re ready for that?  Aren’t you still supposed to be resting?  What does the doc say?”

“Liv, if I have to rest any more, I’m going to go out of what is left of my mind.  My therapist is in the City and I would like to talk to her; physically I’m mostly healed; my head doesn’t hurt - even I know it’s time to get back into the game.   Besides, I’ve got to find a new place to live and I should do that while I have the time to look.”  She turned to Blair.  “Do you think I could catch a ride back with you in the morning?”

“Olivia is driving my car, but you’re welcome to join her if she doesn’t mind a passenger.”  Blair and Alex turned their attention to Liv.

“Pick you up at ten?”  Alex nodded her agreement.  “And you’ll tell me about needing to find a new place to live?”

“If you really want to know, sure.”

“Wouldn’t have asked otherwise.”

And with very few words Jo, Blair and Liv took their leave, promising to return the following morning.  Alex headed upstairs to prepare for her return to Manhattan.

************

“You sure you have to go, Casey?” Abbie asked quietly.  It was early Sunday morning and Casey had stopped by on her way out of town to say goodbye to Abbie and Emma.  Emma had been quick with her farewell and headed back inside, leaving Abbie and Casey alone in the driveway.  Now Abbie stood awkwardly with her hands shoved in her pockets while Casey leaned against the trunk of her car, arms crossed over her chest.  “I mean... I know you do, but I think I’m going to miss having you here.”

“You think?”

“I’m pretty sure.”

“Well, I’m pretty sure I’m going to miss being here - your mom is a great cook,” she added with a hint of mischievousness.  “But crime and prosecution wait for no one, no matter how much we’d like it to.  Besides, if I don’t go soon, my mom is going to expect me to move back.”

“Would that be such a bad thing?” wistfully.

“It would depend on why I was moving, wouldn’t it?”

Abbie’s eyes widened.  “You’d do that?  You’d move to DC for me?”

“If I had a reason to? In a heartbeat.”

Abbie took her hands from her pockets and stepped forward until she and Casey were close enough to touch.  Then she extended her arms for a hug, gratified when Casey didn’t even hesitate, but walked right into her embrace.  They held on for long moments before finally pulling back while remaining in a loose clasp.

“You’re coming to Manhattan next weekend, aren’t you?” reminding Abbie of the phone call she’d gotten from Alex late the previous evening.  Abbie nodded.  “Plan to stay with me then.  Maybe we can start working on that reason.”  Casey tightened her hold and brushed her lips over Abbie’s cheek as she pulled back again, stepping completely from Abbie’s grasp.  “I’ll be seeing you.”

Without warning, Abbie leaned forward, kissing Casey full on the lips hard and fast.  Then she gave Casey a cocky half-grin and sauntered back up the drive, a distinct swagger in her step.  Casey watched her go, blinking the surprise from her face and shaking her head when Abbie turned around halfway up to give her a shit-eating grin and a wave.

“Brat,” she muttered, then opened the car door, ready to make the return to the City.  She and Olivia were certainly going to have a lot to talk about.

************

“Thanks, Olivia.  I really do appreciate the ride back to the City.”

Liv shrugged.  “It’s not a problem,” she grinned slyly, “especially since Gerry made up another batch of cookies for the road.”  She waggled her eyebrows and Alex rolled her eyes before breaking into a reluctant smile.  “Besides, I’m really curious about your need to find a new place to live.  I thought you had the perfect penthouse on the Upper East Side.”

Alex sighed.  “I did... I still do, actually.  I just… I can’t live there anymore.  If I’m going to make a new start, try to be who Alex Cabot is and not who people expect her to be, I need to stop playing a part.”

Olivia cut her eyes in Alex’s direction briefly before refocusing on the road.  “Um, Alex?  What part?  You come from money.  Everyone knew that even before you went into Witness Protection.”

Alex huffed.  “How did everyone know? Was I pretentious about it?  Did I flaunt it around?” running her hands through her hair and pushing it back away from her face.  “Or did everyone just make assumptions based on my name and education?”  Liv bit her lip and cast her mind back several years, blushing when she realized the answer to her question.  Alex noticed immediately and called her on it.  “What?”

Liv sighed silently and came clean.  “Alex, we’re detectives,” letting the implication lay between them.  Blue eyes widened in shock when Alex understood what wasn’t being said.

“You had me investigated?!?”

Olivia wanted to squirm under the scrutiny but forced herself to remain still and focused on the road.  “We wanted to know who we were dealing with.”

“And you couldn’t just ask??”

Liv chuckled, but stopped instantly when she felt the weight of Alex’s glare.  “Alex, no offense, but you’re a lawyer - admittedly for the good guys but still a lawyer.  It’s your job to present the facts and to make a jury see what you need them to see in order to make the conviction.  I’m a detective - it’s my job to dig up the raw facts - no whitewashing, no bullshit.  We didn’t know you and you didn’t know us.  We wanted to know who was going to bat for us... especially after what you said to the captain.”

“I’m never going to live that down, am I?”

“It was the first impression you gave us,” Olivia confessed with a shrug.  “But you grew beyond that, and we all recognized it.  You became an advocate for the victim, and we respected that.  We respected you.”  She cleared her throat.  “However, that is way off the subject that started this whole conversation.  If you have the perfect penthouse, why give it up?”

“It doesn’t fit who I am anymore; it doesn’t fit who I want to be.”  Alex worried her bottom lip between her teeth as she struggled for the right words.  “It’s a perception... a persona.  I don’t want to have to live up to that anymore.  I just want to be me in some place that’s real and warm and comfortable.”

Liv turned and gave Alex a genuine smile.  “I can understand that - it sounds really nice.  I hope you find what you’re looking for.”

“I will,” Alex assured her with a confidence and self-assurance Olivia recognized from her early days with SVU.

“Some things never change,” she commented with a chuckle, earning her another glare from blue eyes before Alex’s wry laughter joined hers.  They fell into a comfortable silence for the remainder of the trip back to Manhattan.

“Call me when you have a time and place for your interview with Sam McPherson,” Olivia instructed as she dropped Alex in front of her building.  “I’ll do my best to be there.”

“I will.  Thanks for the ride,” she added with a wave before disappearing inside.  Then Liv headed home to meet up with a waiting Jo and Blair.  It was time to put away the artist and get the detective back in the SVU swing of things.

************

“Benson.”

“Hey, Olivia... it’s Casey.”

“Hey, Casey... how was the drive back?  Much traffic?”

“It was all right,” Casey replied distractedly.  “Traffic was worse than what I got into going down, but it wasn’t bad.”

“How’s Carmichael?” wondering what had put Casey into the funk she was in.

“Doing better.  Her bruises are mostly healed and she’s seeing a therapist about the assault.”

“Really?”  Liv couldn’t keep the surprise out of her tone - knowing how Abbie felt about psychs and privacy.

“Yeah, her boss insisted.  She can’t return to work until she’s been cleared by the doctor.”

“Wow, bet that didn’t go over too well.”

Casey chuckled. “No bet - I was there to hear the fallout.  My ears were ringing for a little while, let me tell you.”

Liv laughed.  “I’ll just bet.”  She hesitated then plunged ahead.  “So is that why you seem out of sorts?”

“What makes you say that?”

“Call it my detective instincts.”

Casey blew out a forceful breath.  “Let’s just say I’m getting mixed signals and it’s a little frustrating.”

“You wanna talk about it?”

“Not yet,” Casey responded after a long moment of silence.  “I’d like to kind of get things straight in my own mind.  Can I have a rain check?”

“Absolutely... you know where to find me”

“Thanks, Olivia.  I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“I imagine so.  Goodnight, Counselor.”

“Goodnight, Detective.”

************

“My, my, my... the long, lost prodigal has returned,” Munch greeted as he walked into the precinct and found Olivia sitting at her desk.  “Did’ja miss me?”

Liv leaned back in her chair and smiled back at him, appreciating the widening of his eyes in reaction.  “As a matter of fact, I did.  I even almost missed the sludge that passes for coffee around this place.”

“So you’re glad to be back?”

“Surprisingly, yes.  This place, for all its shortcomings, is like home to me and you guys are family.”

“Hey, Girlfriend!” Fin called out from the door before Munch could reply.  “Gooda you to join us.”  He clasped Liv’s shoulder and set a bag with two raspberry donuts on the desk in front of her.  “Welcome back.”

She grinned at him.  “Thanks, Fin.  It’s good to be here.”

“Well, before you start celebrating, Liv, I need you and Fin to get on this,” Cragen said as he walked out of his office, passing her a slip of paper.  “Call just came in... the victims are eight and thirteen.  Munch, I need you to go back and re-interview Mrs. Rodrigues.  CSU found some interesting trace evidence,” handing him the lab specs.  “Let’s go people... we’ve got work to do.”  He turned and headed back towards his office before rotating back to face Olivia.  “Welcome back, Detective,” handing her back her gun and shield.

Liv looked at them a long moment before clipping them to her belt.  “Thanks, Cap.  It’s good to be back.”  Then she and Fin headed out the door to start their week.

************

“Hey, Liv!  How’s it feel to be back?”

“Feels like home, El,” Olivia said into the phone she had tucked between her ear and shoulder.  “Missed you being there today, Partner.  How’s Kathy and Eli?  Enjoying the paternity leave?”

“Yeah, I am, actually - I think Kath is enjoying having me home for a change, and I have to admit it’s kinda nice to be able to be here from the beginning.  Especially since she’s still recovering from the accident.”

“I’m sor....”

“Don’t finish that statement, Liv.  Kathy and I both know being with you saved her life... and Eli’s.  It could have been a lot worse; it would have been if she’d been alone.  So when are you coming over?  Phone calls aren’t the same and I know Kath would love to thank you in person.”

“Let me know when is good for her - any day except Saturday - and I’ll be there.”

“Why not Saturday?” he asked with a grin in his voice. “I know you’re on call, but do I detect a hot date in your future?”

“Actually, I have duty and then I’m supposed to meet up with the girls for dinner,” not elaborating any further.

“The girls, huh?” with a hint of interest and intrigue in his voice.  “And would these girls include a certain former SVU ADA who has a thing for my partner?”

“Maybe,” Liv confessed.  “We’re talking again.”

“That’s a good thing, right?”

“I think so.”  Olivia blew out a frustrated breath.  “I mean... I tried ignoring her - that only worked while she was doing the same.  Once she came crashing back into my life....”  Liv sighed.  “I tried, El... I really did.  I just... is it wrong that she does something to me?  Makes me want more than I have?”

“No, Liv - it’s not wrong... it’s human.  And you deserve to be happy.”  He paused.  “Bring her with you.”

“Huh?”

“When you come out to the house, bring Alex with you.  If she’s becoming important to you, I think we need to get to know her... as someone other than the Ice Princess.”

“I’ll talk to her, El.  Thanks.”

“Anytime, Partner.  You’re family.”

“Wonder if Alex is ready for that.”  She hung up to the sound of Elliot’s laughter ringing in her ears.

************

“Casey?”  Olivia poked her head around the doorframe when no one answered her knock.  She was pretty certain the ADA was waiting for her.  After all, she’d called Casey only twenty minutes previously to let her know she was coming by to pick up a warrant.  Now she frowned at the look of distance in her normally aware green eyes.  Liv entered the room and shut the door.  Then she braced her arms on the desk and leaned over it until she was inches from Casey’s face.

“Hey, Novak!” Olivia greeted, watching Casey start in surprise, then pull back when she realized how close Olivia was. With a grin Liv stood upright and crossed her arms over her chest.  “You all right?”

“Um... yeah.”  She started searching through the paper on her desk.  “Haven’t seen you this week - busy?”

“Yeah... seems like I’m paying the price for being gone for a month.  But at least we’re closing cases.”  She took the warrant Casey was proffering.  “What’s up with you?  And don’t say nothing - you were completely out of it when I knocked.”  She seated herself on the corner of Casey’s desk.  “So?”

“Just thinking - it does happen to me sometimes, you know,” she added with a smile.

“More often than not,” Liv snorted.  “Whatcha thinking about... or should that be who?”

Casey cleared her throat and focused her gaze on her desk.  “Don’t you have a warrant to execute, Detective?”  Liv didn’t move; she just lifted her eyebrow, recrossed her arms and waited.  Casey sighed.  “Not buying that, huh?”  A pause.  “She’s driving me crazy, Olivia.”

Unexpectedly Liv smiled.  “Abbie is gifted that way.”  Olivia slid from her perch and put a hand on Casey’s shoulder.  “Anything I can do to help?”

“Yeah.  Call me when you’re done,” motioning to the paper Liv clutched in her hand.

“Will do,” Olivia agreed.  “Let me go get you something to put this asshole away.”  Then she was out the door without another word.  Casey watched for a moment, then shook her head and turned her attention back to her work.  She still had things to finish.

************

“I was surprised to get your call, Alex,” Janet offered conversationally as she motioned Alex to a seat. “I thought you swore you’d never be caught dead coming back to see me.”

“Good thing I’m not dead then yet, huh?” Alex returned dryly as she took a seat.  “Thank you for seeing me anyway.  I know you had to fit me in.”

“Alex, I would never turn you away.  You know how I felt when you stopped coming.” 

“I know.  And you were right.”

“I’m just sorry it took until the middle of the week to find a time to get together.  So... tell me what brings you here.  What changed for you?”

“Everything,” Alex said simply. 

Janet waited but when Alex didn’t continue she felt compelled to prompt her.  “Would you like to share from the beginning or just tell me what brought you to me this evening?”

“How about I give you the short version for now - what brought me here this evening.  We can start from the beginning when we have time for a lengthy session.”

“That bad?”

“That complicated,” Alex confessed wryly.  Janet chuckled.

“Of course.  It couldn’t be easy if you’re involved.” Alex glared for a moment, then shrugged and gave in to the laughter she couldn’t contain.  “So tell me.”

“Did you see the picture of me and Abbie Carmichael in the Times a couple weeks ago?” waiting for Janet to nod.  “That is the beginning of the short version.”

************

“Thank you for joining me for lunch, Casey.  I never realized how hard it is to be a lady of leisure in the City.”

Casey chuckled at Alex’s frustrated expression.  “You mean to tell me you can’t find anything to do in the whole of Manhattan, Alex?”

“Apparently not - so thank you for indulging me.”

“Thank you for inviting me.  I was glad to get out of the office.”

“Busy?  Trouble?” Alex asked with a cocked brow as the waiter set their food in front of them.

“No more than usual... although Olivia being back has certainly brought new enthusiasm to the one-six.  They seem to be closing cases again... like they were before all the trouble started.”

“So why so anxious to get out of the office today? Walls closing in?”

“Something like that.”  Casey put her fork down and picked up her water, taking a long sip before running her hands through her hair.  Alex looked at her sympathetically.

“One of those walls wouldn’t happen to be named Abbie Carmichael, would it?”

Casey glanced up at Alex and smiled wryly.  “That obvious?”

“Once upon a time? No.  But I learned to be observant of the world round me and I know Abbie.  Much as I love her, she keeps a lot hidden.  It’s hard to know how to read her some days.  And if you’re just trying to get to know her, she can be very frustrating because trust is very hard for her.”

Casey propped her head on her hand and gazed at Alex for a long moment before sighing deeply.  “I can understand that.  Everyone who has worked SVU has secrets... things they don’t feel comfortable sharing after what they’ve seen and dealt with.  I just wish Abbie wouldn’t blow hot and cold.”

“I don’t think she’s doing it on purpose, Casey.”  Alex held up a hand when Casey looked at her with complete disbelief.  “I know it seems like it, but she needs to know she can depend on you before she gives you her trust.  She wants to know you’re going to be around for the long haul.”

“And push/pull effort assures her of this how?  All it’s doing for me is making me seasick.”

Alex chuckled.  “I’ll bet.  But if you stick with her through the crap, I think you’ll find she was worth waiting for.”

Casey groaned.  “How long?”

“Oh, Casey... it took a year before I was sure Abbie trusted me and I still don’t know what happened to give her trust issues in the first place.  I don’t know if she’ll ever trust me enough for that because whatever it was hurt her pretty badly.  I hope she will eventually, but I just don’t know.”  A sigh.  “Besides, if I could see into the future that clearly, I wouldn’t be wondering about me and Liv right about now.”

“Trouble in paradise?”

“I wouldn’t know - I haven’t made it to paradise yet,” Alex grumbled, drawing a laugh from Casey.  Blue eyes glared into green. “It’s not funny.”  Casey snorted lightly and shook her head.  “It’s not,” Alex insisted.  “It’s frustrating and confusing and....”

“And maybe you should take the next first step.  For all her bravado when dealing with perps - for all her compassion when dealing with victims - Olivia Benson has a thick shell she hides behind.  You should already know that; it was there when you joined the unit - it only got worse after you left.” 

“You think so?”

”I know - the guys actually mentioned it to me after a particularly nasty case.  I think they wanted me to know her reaction wasn’t personal.”  Casey thought a moment.  “It was after that, in fact, that Olivia and I started to become friends.  Talk about a steep learning curve.”

Alex grinned wryly.  “I’ll bet.”  Silence fell as they focused on finishing their lunch, then Alex spoke up again.  “So you think I should make the next move, huh?  Liv needs a little courting?”

Casey shrugged.  “I think you’ll probably make it to paradise a lot faster if you take control of the situation.  Alex, just because you are remaking yourself doesn’t mean you have to give up your strengths.  And let’s face it, you excel at control.”  Alex’s eyebrows went into her hairline and Casey laughed.  “C’mon, Alex... I heard all kinds of stories when I first came to SVU.”

“All right... fine,” Alex huffed.  “I can definitely do control.  Liv won’t know what hit her.”

Casey smiled.  “I’m looking forward to watching that.”

“Well, now that we’ve solved my romantic crisis, maybe we should work on yours.”  Casey groaned. 

“I’d settle for establishing a firm friendship with Abbie for the time being.”  She sighed.  “I just need to make it through the weekend.”  She gave Alex a look.  “I invited Abbie to stay with me this weekend.”

“That’s pretty ballsy, Ms Novak,” Alex commended with a genuine smile of approval.

Casey snorted.  “I think it’s pretty masochistic.”

“Well, if it becomes too uncomfortable, call me.  She can always come stay with me - I’ll put her to work helping me move.”

“How’s that coming?  Have you found a new place?”

“Robert’s realtor friend Ian has gotten me a line on a brownstone that’s up for sale.”  Casey’s eyes widened, causing Alex to chuckle softly.  “I know... doesn’t sound like the Ice Princess, does it?”

“It doesn’t sound like the Alex Cabot I’ve heard stories about, but it does sound like the Alex Cabot I am getting to know.  The Alex Cabot I know is someone who is looking for a home and love and someone to share it with; she’s less focused on appearances or success and what other people think.”

Alex pushed her empty plate away and folding her hands together, blinking rapidly.  “Wow... thanks, Casey.  I never thought....”

“Yeah, don’t let it go to your head, Cabot.”

“Somehow I don’t think you’d let it, Novak.”

The two of them giggled like schoolgirls before turning to the serious business of choosing dessert.

************

“Ms McPherson, please come in,” Alex welcomed as she took Sam’s jacket and ushered her into the semi-packed living room. “Thank you for coming to Manhattan.”

Sam smiled.  “Sam, please.  Thank you for giving me a working reason to - Brooke was thrilled.  My girlfriend,” she continued in response to Alex’s cocked eyebrow.  “She’s a law student at Harvard so we only see each other sporadically and lately....  Having a paying reason to spend a weekend here is a plus.”

“I remember those days.”  Alex tilted her head.  “How much longer does she have?”

“A year.  She got her bachelor’s in three years... show-off,” Sam muttered under her breath affectionately.  Alex chuckled.  Sam smiled wryly.  “I was interning during the summers while she was in school.”

“And it paid off, apparently.”

“That remains to be seen.  I’m still the low man on the totem pole and I’m still five hundred miles from my best girl.”  Sam sighed.  “I shouldn’t complain - we get together as often as we can.  It’s just....”

“Long distance is hard, I know.”

“Yeah, but she’s worth it.  I keep reminding myself there’s only one more year.”

Alex bit her lip.  “Why don’t you ask her to join us... if not for the interview then maybe for lunch?”

Sam grinned.  “I think she’d like that.  If you’ll excuse me a moment,” waiting for Alex to nod before she took out her cell phone and started dialing.  Alex watched for a moment, then turned back to the door when another knock sounded, only to find Abbie Carmichael standing there alone.

“Casey?” she asked looking around conspicuously.  Abbie shook her head.

“On a call.”

“Guess that means no Liv either,” Alex grumbled, motioning Abbie in.

“Casey said she’d do her best to get here, but she didn’t know when that might be,” allowing Alex to take her jacket before she moved into the big room.  Her eyebrows hiked at the controlled chaos evident throughout.  “Going somewhere, Cabot?”

“Yes - Casey didn’t tell you?”

Abbie scratched the back of her neck.  “Um... no.  We spent the evening talking; she gave me some ground rules actually.  And I gave her some conditions.”  Alex pulled her glasses down far enough that she could peer at Abbie over the rims.  “I don’t want to screw this up, and neither does she.  We need to have honesty between us and for now that means boundaries... at least until we have a foundation of trust and friendship.”

“Are you going to give her a chance?”

“I’m going to try - I want to.”

“Good... you deserve to be happy, Abbie.  You both do.”

Abbie smiled weakly, then she motioned around the room.  “So what’s the story?”  But before Alex could respond, Sam McPherson turned from the window.

“Ms Cabot?  When should I tell Brooke to meet us?”

“Please call me Alex, Sam, and tell Brooke she is welcome whenever she can get here.”  Sam nodded and turned back to her phone.  “We’ll talk about this later,” she said to Abbie just as Sam clicked her phone shut and turned back to the room.

“Ms Carmichael?  I’m....”

“Sam McPherson.  I’ve done some research - I’m impressed.”  Sam blushed.  Alex smiled and motioned towards the couch and chairs.

“Shall we?”

************

“Sorry I’m late, ladies,” her expression harried.  “How was the interview?” Casey asked as they settled around the table later that evening.  She was the last arrival, with the exception of Olivia, who was still conspicuously absent.  “Hi, I’m Casey Novak,” she added, extending her hand to first Sam, then Brooke.

“Sam McPherson, Brooke McQueen,” Sam said with a smile.  “I think the interview went well.  It remains to be seen how my article turns out,” she continued wryly.

“It will be brilliant, Sam.  It always is,” Brooke said with confidence.  The rest grinned.

“How long have you been a couple?”  Blair asked.  Something about them reminded her of her and Jo... something familiar - although it was clear they had definitely figured things out long before she and Jo had.

“Officially?  Since the end of our senior year in high school.  Technically?  Since our parents forced us to become friends when they started dating.”

“Wait,” Abbie said, rubbing a hand across her brow.  “You’re stepsisters?”

Brooke and Sam nodded and the rest looked at one another round the table.  Alex signaled the waiter.  “I think that calls for a drink.  I can’t wait to hear this.”

************

Their appetizers had just been put in front of them when Alex’s phone rang.  She excused herself and took the call from Liv.  “No, Liv... you’re not too late.  Our appetizers just arrived we’re waiting for you to join us.  C’mon, Sweetie - judging from Casey’s expression when she got here, you could use the company.  Let us share your burden... even if it’s only to take your mind off the case for a little while.”

“Why do I even try to argue with you?” Liv asked with wry exhaustion.

“Because hope springs eternal?”

Olivia snorted.  “I’ll be there in a few.”

Alex came back to the table and motioned to the waiter, nodding her thanks when he set a tumbler of whiskey at the empty place beside her.  Casey and Abbie exchanged glances then turned their attention to Alex.

“Alex, Olivia doesn’t drink hard liquor.  Not after her mother....” Abbie broke off.  Alex didn’t answer - she just smiled as Liv approached the table.  She extended her hand and Olivia dropped her keys in her outstretched palm before sitting and taking a sip from the glass.

“Thanks, Alex,” she said softly before looking around the table.  “Hi, guys.”  Her eyes met Brooke’s.  “You must be Sam’s girlfriend, Brooke.”

“Yes... hi.  And you’re Detective Benson.  It’s nice to meet you.”

“And you.  So,” putting her napkin in her lap and looking around the table, “what’d I miss?”

“You missed the fact that Sam and Brooke are stepsisters,” Jo commented, grinning at Olivia’s effort to maintain a neutral facade.  She cleared her throat and looked at the two of them before glancing around the table.

“Well, don’t leave me out of the loop,” nodding her head at the waiter as he offered her a plate of salad.  “Sounds like a good story.”

Brooke laughed. “Oh, you have no idea,” and proceeded to recount their story for a rapt audience.  They were by turns humored, horrified, saddened and charmed.  “And that brings you up to date.”

The rest gazed at one another in amazement.  “Wow,” Blair said.  “That makes our story look completely tame,” she continued, exchanging glances with Jo.

“It makes all our stories look tame,” Alex commented.  “Nice friends.”

Sam looked around the table.  “If it took putting up with that to get us where we are now, it was worth it.”

Casey raised her glass.  “To new friends.”  The rest raised their glasses as well and clinked them together, repeating her toast.  They all drank and Casey turned to Jo and Blair.  “Share your story?” only to pause as the waiter returned to refill glasses and remove plates.

Abbie looked at Olivia, nudging her elbow gently and waiting for brown eyes to track to her own.  Liv cocked a brow at her.  “What’s the deal?” motioning to the tumbler still mostly full of whiskey.  “I thought you didn’t....”

“I don’t usually.  I haven’t in a long time.  But Alex and I made a deal years ago.  I just didn’t realize she remembered.”

“And that was?”

“When I had a really bad day, I could let my guard down just a little bit and she would watch my back.  And when she had a really bad day, I’d do the same for her.”

“And today was a really bad day.  I can see it in your eyes and posture.”  Liv nodded.  “How did she know that?  She ordered that drink before you even got here.”

“I dunno.  It’s something she’s always known… except when it comes to herself and her work.  She has a bit of a blind spot there.”

Abbie snorted.  “I think we’ve all been accused of that a time or two.”  Olivia smirked.

“Probably why we’re the best at what we do.”

“Is this a private conversation or can anyone join?” Alex asked as the waiter moved from the table.

“We were just talking about how we’re the best at what we do,” Abbie stated.

“And our obvious modesty,” Alex teased.

“Who needs to be modest when it’s the truth?” Olivia asked, waggling her eyebrows.  “Now, c’mon.  I thought Blair was gonna tell their story.  It’s not quite as dramatic as Sam’s and Brooke’s,” with a smile in their direction, “but it is interesting.”

“You know?” Casey asked.

“I was at the wedding.”

All eyes turned to Blair.  “Let’s hear it.”

************

“Thanks for the ride home, Alex, though I really don’t think it was necessary after one whiskey and a couple beers.  I don’t even have a light buzz going anymore.”

“Maybe, but better safe than sorry, Detective.  Are you feeling a little more relaxed at any rate?”

“Actually,” Liv said after a moment’s thought, “yeah... I am.  I enjoyed the outing.  It was nice to get together with the girls and just kick back for a while.”  She turned to look at Alex as they pulled up to the curb in front of her building.  “We should do it again.”

“I think we probably will.”  She put the car in park and glanced in the rearview mirror, watching Abbie and Casey pull Olivia’s car in behind them.  “I like Sam and Brooke.  They seem like nice kids.”

Liv chuckled.  “Alex, they’re not that much younger than you are.  Now me on the other hand....”

Alex snorted.  “Don’t even try it, Benson.  You’re not that much older either, and you’re in better shape than most kids half your age.”

“The difference is I’m old enough to be their mother - you’re just an older sibling.”

Alex held up a hand.  “I don’t want to hear it - not from someone who still kicks ass and takes names and outruns her partner on a daily basis.”

“Not after a day like today,” Olivia said, exhaustedly.  She leaned her head back against the headrest and closed her eyes.  “Right now, I feel every single victim; every single day; every single takedown; every single fight.”

“You want to talk about it?” reaching out and brushing a stray lock of hair from Olivia’s forehead and cupping her cheek lightly when Liv turned and opened tired brown eyes to gaze at Alex.

“Soon, but not tonight.  Tonight I just want to sleep.  Thank you though.”  She turned her head just enough to brush the lightest kiss over Alex’s palm before clutching it gently in her hand.  “Call me when you get home please.”

“All right.  Night, Liv.”

“Night, Alex,” she said, opening the door and sliding from the car.  Abbie met her at the steps and handed Liv the car keys.  They exchanged a few words and a brief hug, then together Abbie and Casey climbed into Alex’s vehicle.  Olivia entered the building and waved before they pulled away. 

“Everything all right?” Casey asked after Alex had pulled back into traffic. 

“Yeah.  We’re just taking things really slowly,” Alex said, blowing out a breath.  “REALLY slowly.”

“A little frustrated there, Cabot?” Abbie teased.

“No!  A lot frustrated!” Alex snapped.  She breathed out heavily through her nose.  “Sorry - it’s just....”

“It’s all right, Alex,” Abbie assured her with a comforting smile, patting her leg.  “I should know better than to tease... especially about this. It really has been long time coming, hasn’t it?”

“Seems like forever,” Alex sighed.  “And the worst of it is - it’s my fault it’s taken so long.”

“It’ll be worth the wait, Alex,” Casey counseled. 

Alex smiled in her direction.  “I know.  Doesn’t stop me from wanting it now though.”

“That’s a lawyer thing.  We all want instant justice.”  The three exchanged glances and started giggling.  “God... no wonder we’re all on the prosecutor’s side of the aisle.”

Alex pulled over in front of Casey’s building and Casey and Abbie got out of the car.  “You gonna be okay going home, Alex?” Abbie asked, leaning down into the open car door.

“Yeah... see you for late lunch tomorrow?”

“Sounds good.  Night Alex.”

“Night, guys.”

************

"My mother likes you," Abbie said the next morning as they munched on pastries from the corner deli.  "She thinks you're good for me."

Casey's eyebrows went into her hairline.  "Really?  Why do you think that?" curiously.  "I mean, I was pretty sure she liked me; we had some interesting talks while you were sleeping.  But what makes you say that?"  Casey smiled.  "In fairness, I figured no one was quite good enough in her eyes for her baby girl.  Not that I blame her - her baby girl is pretty special."

Abbie blushed.  "Her baby girl is pretty screwed up," she muttered, looking away from Casey's bright green eyes.  "You sure you really want to deal with that?"

Casey covered Abbie's hand and gently gripped her chin until the brown eyes met hers.  "Abbie, we've talked about this, but we'll keep talking until you believe me.  I know you have trust issues - we've all had shitty things happen to us.  I hope one day you'll let me in and share your secrets with me, but even if you don't I want you to realize that you can trust that I do care about you and want you to be part of my life.   Friends first and then... who knows?  Now c'mon - it's too nice a day to be stuck indoors.  I wanna go fly a kite."

Abbie grinned.  "You'll have to do the flying.  But I'd love to go to the Park with you."

Casey went to the closet and removed a package from the top shelf along with their jackets.  "How long is your mother going to be in DC?" she asked, turning to help Abbie ease into her jacket.  Abbie groaned.

"Probably until the doctor releases me to go back to work... so another couple weeks.  She's probably cleaned my apartment from top to bottom this weekend.  I won't be able to find anything when I get back."

Casey chuckled.  "You could have brought her to New York with you."

"I tried - she wouldn't come.  She insisted we needed to settle things between us.  She promised to come the next time if there was one."

"Good."  A beat.  "So have we?" Casey asked after a brief pause.  "Settled things, I mean."

"I think we've made a good start.  Liv reminded me that a person can never have too many friends."  Abbie took Casey's hand in hers and held it loosely.  "I want this to work, Casey.  I really do.  If you can be patient with me I think it will."

"Just remember," Casey said, squeezing the hand she held lightly, "no teasing."

"No teasing... scout's honor."

"You were a girl scout?"

"Oh yeah... but only because they wouldn't let me be a boy scout."

Casey laughed and opened the door, gesturing Abbie out in front of her.  "Why would you want to be a boy scout?"

"Because they got to do all the cool stuff.  Besides, I hated selling cookies."

Casey's eyes twinkled as she pictured a little Abbie Carmichael dressed in a girl scout uniform going door to door selling cookies - all big brown eyes and dimples.  "I'll bet you were adorable.  Does your mom have pictures?"

Abbie whirled around so fast, she nearly stumbled over herself.  "NO!  And don't you be asking her about them either," she commanded sternly pointing a finger in Casey's direction.

"I'll show you mine if you show me yours."

Abbie groaned and headed out into the crisp, fall day, hoping beyond hope Casey Novak had a selective memory that would dismiss this conversation as irrelevant.  Then she decided she'd never get that lucky.  She was doomed.

************

"You're kidding me?"  Alex shook her head and Olivia's eyes widened.  "Seriously?  Casey had Abbie out in the park flying a kite?"

"Oh yeah.  I don't know how Casey managed it, but Abbie Carmichael was running and laughing like a kid."  Alex paused.  "I've never seen her so carefree."

Liv swallowed her bite of pasta and shifted the phone to her other ear.  "Good," she finally said with determination.  "She deserves to be happy - they both do."

Alex paused, then bit the bullet.  "Do you know what happened to her, Liv?"

"Yes, but please don't ask me, Alex.  I won't betray her confidence... even to you."

"You don't have to, Liv - I know.  Jack McCoy shared what happened when she left the DA's office."

"Jackass!  It wasn't his place to share that kind of information."

"No, it wasn't, but in fairness, he was trying to make sure I wasn't going to have the same problem working in SVU."

"Still doesn't give him the right." Olivia growled.  "Does Abbie know?"

"That I know?"  Alex shook her head before remembering that Olivia couldn't see her over the phone.  "We've never talked about it.  It's not exactly something I can bring up unless she wants to talk about it."

"True, but I'm glad you know.  It's easier... knowing there is someone else who knows."

"Now if she can only learn to trust Casey."

"It'll take time, but I think she'll get there."

"Kinda like us?" Alex asked wistfully.

"Yeah," Liv said softly.  "Kinda like us."

************

The next week started busy.  Alex signed the papers on her new brownstone and started her renovations while the detectives at the one-six were still working short with Elliot out on paternity leave.  Still, Alex and Olivia managed to talk for a few minutes every day.  Finally on Thursday, they were able to meet for lunch, much to the bemusement of John Munch.

Alex walked into the precinct dressed in jeans and a sweater that outlined her curves nicely, drawing attention from every man in the room in the form of catcalls and wolf whistles.  She arched an eyebrow as she looked around the room, then grinned when her eyes met Olivia’s twinkling brown ones.  Liv rose from her desk and grabbed her jacket before crossing to Alex’s side.

“Not even a word for your favorite detective, Counselor?” Munch asked.  “I’m crushed,” covering his heart with his hand.

“Hello, Detective,” Alex said looking directly at Olivia.  “Are you ready for lunch?”

“After you, Counselor,” motioning towards the door and exchanging smiles with Alex.  Alex turned to look at Munch.

“Goodbye, John,” waving as she and Olivia left the one-six.

“That was cold, Counselor... very, very cold.”

Only the sound of their laughter answered him.

“So how’s the painting going?” Liv asked as they reached the street.  She shook her head.  “I still can’t picture you as a house painter, Alex.”

“You wouldn’t have to try if I could convince you to help me,” Alex said with the slightest hint of a pout.

Olivia chuckled.  “Should have moved when I still had all that free time,” conveniently not mentioning their estrangement during that time.  “But I promised you a mural so you let me know when you’re ready and I’ll try to schedule my cases to give me a day off.”

“You think the criminals of New York would be willing to work with you on that... give you a break?”

Liv snorted.  “Would that they would be so accommodating.  I’d love to be out of a job.”  She opened the door to their chosen restaurant and motioned Alex in ahead of her.  “What about you?”  Then she held up a hand to forestall Alex’s response when her phone rang.

“Benson... yeah?  He did?  All right... thanks, Sarge,” with a giggle.  The sound made Alex’s eyebrows rise into her hairline.  She took Olivia’s arm and led her through the maze of tables into the outdoor dining area, following the hostess until they reached their table.  Alex nodded her thanks, accepting the menus and they took their seats, then Liv glanced at her watch.  “It’ll be an hour or so.  I’m not rushing my lunch with Alex for him.  All right... I will.  And thanks for the heads up, John... seriously.”  Olivia clicked the phone off and almost slammed it back into its holster.  Then she looked at Alex with an expression of frustrated annoyance. “Sorry.”

“Problem?” knowing there was but giving Olivia the option of sharing or not.  Liv shrugged.

“Maybe.  You remember my half-brother?

“Simon Marsden,” Alex nodded.  “The one who caused your suspension.”

“Yeah.  He’s obsessing... like a stalker almost.  Wants to know where I am and who I am with - constantly calling the precinct to check up on me.”

“You don’t think he’s just trying to be family to you?  Be concerned about you and involved in your life? Maybe apologizing for throwing your life into upheaval?”

Liv shrugged again.  “Maybe.  But it comes down to the fact that he’s hawking over me, and I don’t like the way it feels.”  She shivered.

“Maybe you should give him a chance - or at least tell him how you feel.  He probably doesn’t know how to relate to you, Liv.”  Olivia cocked a disbelieving eyebrow at Alex and she smiled, motioning to their waitress and giving her order, then waiting for Olivia to do the same before continuing.  “Think about it, Sweetheart.  You’re a beautiful, smart, successful woman who has distinguished herself in her chosen field - something that makes a difference in the lives of people every single day.  And his biggest claim to fame with you at the moment is that he almost cost you your job.”

Olivia covered Alex’s hand, pleased when she tangled their fingers together.  “Have you met my brother, Alex?”  The blonde head shook in the negative.  “Then why are you pleading his case as though you’re his advocate?”

“Because you deserve the opportunity to choose, Detective. And you need to be able to see all the angles before you make that decision.”  Alex sighed.  “Liv, I’ve done a number of impulsive things in the last few years without considering all the facts or consequences, and it’s been costly for me and those closest to me.  I’m not saying you and Simon need to become best buddies - hell, you don’t even have to be friends if you’re not comfortable with him.  Just don’t dismiss him without talking to him first.”

Both women leaned back when their server approached with their salads and Olivia reluctantly released Alex’s hand so they could eat more easily.  Conversation flowed between them and sooner than they were ready for it, their lunch hour was over.

“I’ve got to get back,” Liv said regretfully, dropping some bills on the table.

“I’ll go with you,” Alex said, doing the same.  “My car is there and I want to drop this off,” holding up the ‘to go’ bag she’d gotten for the one-six.  “I’ve got to get back to do some more work on the brownstone and Robert is supposed to be sending out some brick masons to do some repairs.”  She didn’t miss the darkening of Olivia’s features or the jealously that burned in her brown eyes.  Alex clasped her hand around Liv’s and pulled her into the ladies’ room before they made it out to the street.

“Alex?!  What the hell??” as she moved to lean against the sink.

“Liv, he’s just a friend now.  Honestly, that’s all he ever really was and he knows that.  He wants to meet you, in point of fact - actually sit down and get to know you.”

“Why?”  Her voice was sullen and she crossed her arms defensively but she couldn’t help her curiosity.

“Because he knows that the woman who captured my heart has to be pretty spectacular.  He’s been asking me about it since Blair’s barbeque last month.”  Alex sighed dramatically.  “Honestly, the man is worse than a gossipy old maid some days.”  Liv couldn’t help the snort of laughter the exasperated expression on Alex’s face garnered.  Then she sobered when Alex grew serious.  “Liv, I’m not going to do anything that would put us in jeopardy - not the friendship we have re-established and certainly not the possibility of our becoming more than friends.  Not as long and as hard as we’ve worked to get here.  He really is only a friend, but if meeting him bothers you, I’ll tell him to drop it.”

Olivia blew out a breath.  “We’ll see, but that reminds me... Elliot asked me to bring you with me when I go visit.  I was planning to go tomorrow night if I get off on time.  You wanna come?”

Alex smiled.  “I’d love to.”  She took Liv’s hand and led her from the restroom to the great outdoors without pausing. “Just give me a call when you know and I’ll be ready.”

“I can do that,” Olivia replied with a shy smile, and hand in hand they continued down the street back towards the one-six.  Neither of them had any idea what awaited them there.

************

“What the hell is this?” Simon asked as Alex and Olivia crossed the threshold of the one-six, drawing attention to them.  All eyes in the room turned towards them, but Olivia didn’t release Alex’s hand and Simon’s face grew red.  “A dyke??  This is why you’ve been blowing me off??  So you can fu....”

“That’s enough,” Liv whispered in his ear.  She had moved so quickly no one realized her intent before she had him bent over her desk with his arm pulled up into the middle of his back.  “I don’t know who the hell you think you are, but you don’t get to talk to me or about her like that.”  She felt a gentle touch in the middle of her back and relaxed into it without realizing it until Simon squirmed underneath her.

“Get off me!”

“You gonna behave or am I gonna slap the cuffs on you?”

“For what??  You can’t lock me up for having morals!”

Liv snorted.  “Maybe... but I can charge you with stalking and assault.”  He turned disbelieving eyes on her and she took a step back into the circle of detectives that had surrounded them at her first movement.  Deliberately, Olivia reached for Alex’s hand and smiled when cold fingers clasped her warm ones.  “Go home, Simon.  Go back to your wife and kids.  I’m not changing my life to make you happy.”

“I thought family was important to you!”

“It is, Simon, and Alex had convinced me to give you a chance to be a part of that.  But you’ve made it fairly clear that you’re not willing to be part of my family.”

“You don’t have any family... except me.”

“You’re wrong, Simon.  This is my family,” motioning to the people standing around her.  “They’ve been my family for a long time.  If and when you grow up, maybe you can be too.  But until then... go home.”

Simon slumped.  “What changed, Olivia?  I thought I was important to you.”

“You could have been, Simon. God knows I tried.”

“But...?”

“You’ve got expectations I’m not sure I can live up to - frankly, I’m not sure I want to.”

“That’s it?”

“That’s enough.  Family is supposed to support each other... make them stronger.  You’re just sucking me dry.  This job is hard enough without having a personal life that takes from you too.”

“I see.  Well, then,” Simon said, straightening and stepping away from her desk.  “Maybe I’ll see you around,” he added diffidently.  Then he walked out the precinct doors without a backwards glance.

“Well, that was exciting,” Munch said drolly, breaking the awkwardness.  “Now Counselor... what did you bring me?  That bag is for me, isn’t it?” waggling his eyebrows comically.

“Actually,” Alex replied, opening the bag and removing the platters they’d brought back.  “There should be enough for everyone,” garnering cheers from those around her.  It was enough to shift the atmosphere and the detectives dispersed back to whatever activity they had been engaged in before the drama that had just played out had interrupted them.

Alex turned back to Olivia who was watching her with a sad smile.  She extended her hand, gratified when Liv took it without hesitation.  Then she led them upstairs to the crib.

“You all right?” she asked softly when they reached the relative privacy of the small room.

“Yeah, I really am,” meeting Alex’s eyes and letting her see the truth.  “I tried, Alex, and I was prepared to give him the benefit of the doubt... give him a chance.  He’s right - family is important to me.  But I’m not gonna tolerate any disrespect of us that I can correct - family or not.”

Alex smiled.  “You realize Detective Stabler is going to be pissed he missed this.”

Olivia laughed.  “He’ll get over it.  He’s gonna be too happy I told Simon to take a walk.”

“Jealous?” Alex asked.

“Maybe a little.  Mostly he felt like Simon wasn’t good enough.  But you were right too - I’m glad I gave him a chance.  At least I know the truth about how he feels.”

“Maybe he’ll figure it out eventually.”

“Maybe,” Liv shrugged.  “But I’m not gonna worry about it.  I was telling the truth, Alex.  I have a family in the people here... and you and Casey and Abbie and Jo and Blair.  Until and unless Simon can understand and accept that, he has no place in my life.  And I’m okay with that.”  She looked at her watch.  “Not trying to get rid of you, but don’t you need to get going to meet those masons?”

Alex glanced at her watch.  “Shit!  I’ve got to go.  Give me a call about Elliot’s?” squeezing the hand she held before heading for the stairs.  Liv followed her down.

“Absolutely,” she started before Cragen called out her name.  With a shrug in Alex’s direction she moved towards the captain’s office and Alex gave her a wave and walked out the door.

************

“I can’t believe I missed that,” Elliot whined though his eyes twinkled in merriment.  “Did you really blow him off?”  He passed her another beer and leaned back in his chair.  Kathy was currently nursing Eli and Alex was curled up next to Olivia with a Cheshire grin on her lips.

“Pretty much,” Liv confirmed after taking a swig of beer.  She sighed.  “I had a lot of time during my suspension to think about him and what he might mean to me and how he contributed to the situation I was in.  I like the idea of having a brother... even a half brother... but Simon is not a person I would associate with if we weren’t related.  We have nothing in common except for the partial DNA the man who contributed to our conception provided.  No memories, no beliefs, nothing.  And I’m not willing to change who I am to become someone he wants me to be to fit into his mold of an older sister.  I tried to be there for him and it nearly cost me everything.  If he’s not willing to make the same effort... to meet me halfway....”  She shrugged.

“Well, good riddance says I.  I never really liked him.”

“No... really?” Olivia answered drolly, setting down her beer when Kathy pulled Eli from her breast to burp him.  “Can I... can I hold him?”

Kathy rose from her spot and gently placed Eli in Olivia’s arms.  “After all you did to get him here safely,” Kathy offered with a smile. “We were actually hoping you’d agree to be his godmother.”

“Even though I’m not Catholic?”

“That is far less important to us than knowing he’d be looked after by someone who’d teach him values like honesty and decency and respect.  We couldn’t ask for a better godmother.”  Kathy glanced in Alex’s direction and grinned.  “Besides, if you ask nicely, I imagine Alex would be glad to give you a hand,” chuckling silently when blue eyes widened comically.

“Wow,” Liv whispered, her eyes shining with tears.  “I’d be honored.”

“Good - we’ll schedule his christening in a couple weeks.”  She turned to look at Alex.  “You’ll come?”

“I’d love to... thank you.”  Then everyone’s attention was taken by the interesting faces Eli was making and Olivia attempted to hand the baby back to Kathy.  Kathy shook her head, laughing.

“Oh no, Olivia.   This is part of the fun of being a parent... even a godparent.  Come on,” rising from her place and tugging Liv up with her.  “Time for you to learn that oh-so-necessary skill of diaper changing.”  Liv looked plaintively at both Alex and Elliot before giving in gracefully and following Kathy to Eli’s room.

Left alone, Elliot studied Alex carefully until equally blue eyes turned and caught his own with an unlooked-for intensity.  “Something on your mind, Detective?”

“What are your intentions towards my partner, Alex?”

Blue eyes sharpened.  “I’m not sure I see where it is any of your business, Detective.  Olivia and I are working things out between us; it really doesn’t concern you.”

Elliot leaned forward and clasped his hands together, pinning Alex with his own version of ‘the Look’.  “Allow me to explain to you how it does concern me, Counselor - because you didn’t see what your leaving did to her after thinking you were dead.  You didn’t have to watch her heart break when you came back to stay without even acknowledging her existence.”

“Can I ask why that became solely my responsibility?  I don’t recall anyone making any effort to welcome me back, and last I checked, a phone line works both ways.”

“We did,” Elliot said succinctly.  “Or at least I did.”  Alex cocked her head at him questioningly and he continued.  “I heard a rumor you were back - no one bothered to let us know which told me just how important we were to you - so I decided to check it out.  Imagine my surprise to find you comfortably ensconced in a Bureau Chief’s office wearing a rock proclaiming you were engaged.”

“And you didn’t think our previous association warranted me an opportunity to share my side of things?”

“It might have... if I could have even gotten in to see you.”

“Excuse me?”

“I couldn’t even get my foot in your door, Counselor.  I was informed in no uncertain terms that you were no longer part of SVU and we were not to darken your doorway with our presence again.”

Alex’s eyes burned.  “Excuse me?” she repeated.  “Who the hell...?”

“Someone named Jim Steele... backed up by Jack McCoy.”  Elliot could hear her teeth grinding together and reached out a hand to her, covering her clenched hands gently with his.  “Alex?”

Alex took a deep breath.  “I accept responsibility for not making contact with you guys when I returned.  I tried - I went to the one-six as soon as I got back and found out I had been replaced.”  She took a deep breath.  “It hurt... so much.  So I decided to make my return a new start and to do that, I had to forget who Alex Cabot had been before.  It wasn’t that hard - I had been pretending to be someone else for three years.  I thought I could keep pretending if it meant finding a measure of peace. But I never would have turned you away had I known you were trying to see me.”

“So what happened?  What brought you back to us?”

“I couldn’t pretend anymore.  I was losing myself - who I was... who I wanted to be.  I’d forgotten how to be happy.”

“And now?”

Alex smirked, the expression somewhat hiding the tears that sparkled in her eyes.  “You want the sappy answer?”

“I’d like the truth,” he replied seriously.

“If it took what I’ve been through in the last five years to be where I am today, with Olivia back in my life looking towards the future together, then it is worth every bit of pain and frustration I’ve endured.  I can’t speak for Liv, of course, but I’d like to think she believes the same.”

“Actually, I’d have preferred not to have had the last five years happen the way they did,” Olivia said from the doorway where she had been standing for a majority of the conversation.  “But they did, and since we can’t go back and change what happened, I’m just glad to have Alex back in my life,” coming around the couch and taking Alex’s hand in hers.

“As hard as you fought against it?” Elliot asked, releasing the hand he’d covered to allow Alex the ability to curl up into Olivia, which she did with alacrity.

“Especially since I fought so hard against it.”  She smirked.  “C’mon, El... when was the last time you knew me to do anything the easy way?”

“Point taken,” he said nodding his head, then turned back to Alex.  “So, Alex... what are your intentions towards my partner?”

“Elliot!!” from both Olivia and Kathy.  Alex held up a hand to stop their protests.

“It’s all right.  We’ve already worked through this part.”  She turned and focused her attention on Elliot and he had to force himself not to visibly react to the intensity he was suddenly surrounded by.  “My intention, Detective, is to reestablish the friendship we once had and see where that leads us.  My desire....” Her eyes caught Olivia’s and her voice dropped and became husky, “... is for that friendship to develop into something more... a relationship that is permanent and lasting and involves us being a couple in every sense of the word.”

Kathy smiled. Olivia blushed but held Alex’s eyes while Elliot flushed bright red and cleared his throat loudly.

“Well,” he finally squeaked out.  “I’m glad you’ve got a plan.  Just don’t hurt her again.”

Alex grinned.  “I do indeed, Detective,” never letting her eyes leave Olivia’s.  They softened as did her voice before she spoke again.  “And I will do my best not to, Elliot.  It’s not something I want either of us to experience ever again.”

“Good,” Kathy said unexpectedly.  “We’ll expect to see you here together more often and I’ll be waiting for an invitation.”

“Kathy!” Liv croaked, finally breaking her stare with Alex.  Alex gave a full-throated laugh.  Elliot just looked bewildered.

“What did I miss?”

“Nevermind, Detective,” Kathy said with a sardonic grin in his direction.  “Pay attention and collect the evidence.  You’ll figure it out.”

Elliot growled.  “I think I’m being pandered to.”  Olivia snorted.

“You should be used to it by now.” 

He glared.  “I hate you.”

Liv leaned across Alex and pinched his cheeks together.  “That’s all right, El... we luuuuuuuuuuv you.”  Stabler couldn’t stop the chuckle that wanted to emerge and soon the group broke into laughter.  It was a great end to a very good evening.

************

“She took you to Stabler’s house?  Alex, that’s tantamount to taking you home to meet the family!”

“No, really?” Alex returned drolly.

“So,” Abbie asked when the silence grew too long. “How’d you do with the Elliot Stabler method of interrogation?  I seem to recall he was brutal when he had a perp in the box.”

“Well, thank God I’m not a perp then,” Alex said dryly.

“Allllleeeeeeex,” Abbie whined.  “That’s not answering my question.  Now spill before I put my mama on the phone.  Her interrogation technique will make Stabler look like a rookie.”  Alex snickered.  She had no doubt Abbie would do it, but after her evening, she figured handling Emma Carmichael would be a piece of cake.  Abbie’s voice cut into her thoughts.  “You’ve never been interviewed by a proper Southern mama, have you?” her smoky tones underlined with a hint of laughter.

“Um... no?” Alex said uncertainly, knowing that tone of voice from Abbie meant nothing but trouble for her.

“Trust me, Cabot.  Mama can flay you alive and make you want to say thank you for it by the time she is done.  So spill already.”

Alex cleared her throat.  “I did all right.  Kathy gave us her blessing and Elliot blushed beet red.”

Abbie sputtered.  “You made Elliot Stabler blush?!?  What in tarnation did you say to the man, honey?” reverting smoothly to that sweet Texas drawl.  “The man is a sex crimes detective for God’s sakes!”

Alex shrugged even though Abbie couldn’t see the action. “I just answered his question plainly - laying out my position clearly so there could be no doubt in his mind just exactly what I saw as my future with Olivia Benson.”

Abbie cleared her throat.  “You didn’t.”

“I did - bet he won’t ask me again.”

“No bet,” Abbie said chuckling.  “That would put me on the wrong side of a sure thing.”  She paused.  “I’m glad things are finally going your way with Liv.  You deserve to be happy - you both do.”

“What about you?” Alex asked bluntly.

“Are you asking if I’m happy?  Or if I deserve to be?” Abbie inquired wryly with an attempt at humor.

“Abigail....” the name and Alex’s tone enough to make Abbie sigh resignedly.

“I’m not unhappy, Alex.”

“That doesn’t mean you’re happy, Abbie.  How are things going with Casey?”

“I don’t know,” she finally sighed.  “I think we would make great friends, but....”

“You don’t trust her?”

“I want to.  But is it fair to expect...?”  Abbie broke off before she could say anything else.  Alex decided the time had come to reveal the truth as she knew it.

“I think you should give her the chance, Abbie.  The woman has been the SVU ADA for five years - she knows about rape and how victims of rape react.  I think you should give her the benefit of the doubt.  As soon as she knew she had a chance with you, her efforts to get a life outside the office stopped so you’d know she meant business and was serious about the two of you.  What?” she said on a rush, finally noticing the silence of betrayal Abbie was projecting over the phone.

“You know?”

“Jack told me.  Wanted to make sure I wasn’t going to ‘suffer a similar malady’ - his words - when I moved to Special Victims.  And before you ask, I didn’t think it was my place to ask/tell you about it.  I wouldn’t have done it now if I didn’t think it was important.”

“You’ve known for years?  And you never let on you knew... never treated me any differently than you had before.”

“It wasn’t my place to say anything, Abbie. It was your secret to share or not as you felt comfortable.”

Abbie took several deep breaths.  “Damn,” she finally muttered.  “I can be such an idiot.”  She cleared her throat awkwardly.  “Can we talk about this later?”

“Whenever you want to, Abbie... or not at all, if you’d rather.”

“No... I want to.  I think I need to.  But I kind of need to sort all of this out in my head first.  Besides, this is a long, long way from your good news.  Oh,” continuing on before Alex could draw breath to comment.  “I got the final part of Sam McPherson’s story this evening.”

“And?” allowing Abbie to change the subject.

“And... I gave her the go ahead for the whole series.  She did a great job, Alex.  She really did.  I think I may put a word in about having her nominated for a Pulitzer.”

“That good?”

“It should be in the Times tomorrow.  You let me know after you read it.”

“All right.  By the way, you and Emma plan to come up to the cottage the weekend before she heads back to Texas.  We’ll show her a little Yankee hospitality.”

Abbie laughed - a genuine belly laugh.  “Cabot, I hate to break this to you, but to a Southern woman, there ain’t no such thing.”

“You know,” Alex said smugly, thrilled she had made Abbie laugh, however briefly.  “I could take that as a personal challenge.”

“Please do.  I’d like to watch that.”

“So it’s a date?”

“Give me a time and day and we’ll be there with bells on.”

“That’s quite a visual, Carmichael,” Alex said chuckling.

“Bite me, Cabot... and get your mind out of the gutter.”

“You’re taking all the fun out of this, Abbie.  I’ll be in touch.”

“Later, Alex.”

************

“So you took her to Stabler’s house, huh?  Isn’t that like taking her home to meet the family?”

“Casey, she already knew Kathy and Elliot.”

“But....”

“Yeah... maybe a little,” Liv confessed.

“Are you sure you’re ready for that step?” Casey asked.

“A little late to worry about it if I’m not,” Liv chuckled sardonically.

“So...?” Casey prompted when Olivia failed to continue.  “What happened?”

“She held her own.  Kathy gave us her blessing and El blushed a shade I’ve never actually seen on a man before... unless he was kicked in the nuts first.”

“Ow... Cabot made Stabler blush like a girl?”

“Yeah... bet he never asks about her intentions again.”

Casey laughed.  “I wish I’d seen that.”

“It was pretty priceless.”

“So,” Casey continued after a moment’s silence, “are you okay with all of this and how fast it’s moving?”

“Yeah,” Liv said after a thoughtful pause.  “‘Cause it’s really not all that fast, you know?  Alex and I have been dancing around this for over five years.  We just took the longest, ugliest road we could find to get here.  If there is such a thing as karma, everything else should be a cake walk.”

“Tempt fate much, Detective?”

“God, I hope not.  I’m pretty sure they don’t like me.”

“Sure they do; they just like to challenge your skills.”

“Wonderful,” Liv replied dryly.  “That makes it sooooo much better,” smiling when Casey laughed.  “So have you talked to Carmichael lately?  I hear you had her out flying kites last weekend.”  Casey smiled at the memory.

“Remind me the next time you’re in my office - I got some great pictures.  And yes,” she went on without pausing, “I talk to her every evening.”

“Oh really?”

“Yes.  Let’s just say I’m grateful for nationwide long distance.”  Liv chuckled.  “She did tell me that she approved the last part of the series Sam McPherson wrote about her and Alex at that embassy fiasco and what happened afterwards.  The first part should be in the paper tomorrow; it will run all week.”

“I liked her and her girlfriend - they seemed like good kids.”

“Yes, Grandma, they sure did.  It’s after dark... you sure it’s not past your bedtime?”

“Bite me, Novak.”

“And have Cabot on my ass for destruction of private property?  Stupid is not tattooed on my forehead, Detective Benson. And I have not survived the DA’s office as long as I have by being stupid or unobservant.  Trust me, Olivia - you are off the market and branded for life.”

“Um... bu... HEY!!”

Casey laughed again.  “Let me know when you recover your vocabulary.  We’ll talk some more.  Lunch tomorrow?  Ice cream’s on me.”

“Uh huh.”

“Good.  Go to bed, Detective.  This will all make sense to you in the morning.”

“It already does,” Liv muttered as she hung up.  “Who’d have thunk it?”

************

“Arthur... what a surprise,” Alex said, shifting the paintbrush she held and pushing the lock of hair that had escaped from her ponytail off her face... again.  He did his best not to smile at her disheveled appearance, motioning towards the door with barely a smirk on his face.

“May I come in?”

“Oh... yes, of course,” Alex said, stepping back and opening the door wider. “Excuse the mess; I’m trying to get the renovations done before I start moving stuff in.  I can’t offer you a place to sit, sorry.”

“It’s all right, Ms Cabot.  I didn’t come here to sit.  I came to talk to you and I can do that standing up.”

Alex put the paintbrush on the tray and picked up a rag to wipe off her hands.  “How did you know where to find me?  I haven’t sent out invitations yet.”

Arthur let his smile come.  “It’s all in knowing who to ask.”

“Let me guess... Robert?”

“Privileged information, Counselor.”  He looked around the room into which she had led him, nodding in appreciation of the work that had already been accomplished.  “Nice place.”

“I’m happy with it, but I’m pretty sure you didn’t come here to comment on my new living arrangements.  What can I do for you, Arthur?”

“Still right to the point, Alexandra?  Nice to know some things never change.  I was wondering if you’d given any thought to your future regarding the DA’s office.”

She gestured towards the doorway and Branch walked out, taking a seat on the stairs as Alex did the same.  “I thought I knew - I thought I had made a decision, but....”  She sighed.  “I’m of two minds about it, honestly. I like my job well enough and I loved being a prosecutor.”

“But...?”

“But I’m not sure it’s enough anymore.  I don’t prosecute criminals; I don’t make the bad guys go away.  I’m babysitting the next bunch of ADAs while trying to figure out how most of them made it through law school.  Do they only teach these kids the art of compromise in school these days?”

Arthur chuckled.  “Why do you think I put you in charge of them?  If anyone can teach those kids the art of fighting and arguing to win, you can, Alexandra.  And as a bonus, you may even make a few of them care about more than the numbers.”

“Like I learned to, you mean?  Maybe I should see if Casey needs some help; SVU is a really steep learning curve for that.”

“Yes, it is.”  He sighed and looked at the front door before turning his attention back to Alex.  “So what do you want to do, Alexandra?  I can keep Steele in your position temporarily for another month before I need to make it permanent.  Do you need another month to make a decision?”

“Can I have until the end of the week to give you my final verdict?”

“May I ask what caused you to waffle, Alexandra?  That’s not like you.”

“I received some information over the weekend that’s changed the way I see a number of things... including some of the people I am forced to work with.  I’m just not sure I want to continue to do so.  I’m not sure I can.”

“All right.  You have my private number.  Let me know when you have an answer for me.”  Branch stood and went to the door, pausing to look around the partially renovated brownstone.  “I really do like what you’ve done with the place so far, Alexandra.  I’ll look forward to the housewarming.”

With a knowing smile and a wave, Arthur took his leave, closing the door firmly behind him.  Alex sat on the steps for a few minutes longer before shaking her head and getting back to work.

************

“So how does it feel?” Casey asked as they sat down to lunch.  Liv looked up at her with an inquiring expression and Casey smirked.  “Knowing you are off the market.”

“We haven’t made any kind of commitment to each other, Casey.”

“Liar - denial ain’t just a river in Egypt, is it?”  She glanced at Olivia and covered her hand briefly before turning her attention to the food in front of her.  “Olivia?”

Liv sighed.  “It’s just so....”

“So what?  Sudden... unexpected?  C’mon, Olivia – you told me this has been five years in the making.  If anything, it has been unbearably, remarkably, agonizingly slow.”  Casey sighed.  “Are you that afraid to be happy?”

“Sometimes... I’m that afraid she may break my heart again.”

“Do you remember what you told Abbie when she expressed an interest in dating me?  That sometimes you just have to let go and be happy?”

“Abbie told you about that?”

“She did.  Listen to your own advice, Olivia... let go and be happy.”  Casey set her fork down and folded her hands.  “Olivia, you of all people understand how fleeting that feeling can be.  Grab onto every chance you have to be happy.  You’ll live with a lot less regrets that way.”

“When did you get to be so smart?”

“I’ve always been smart - it’s just taken you a while to notice it,” Casey said with a grin.  Liv smiled.

“So are you gonna follow your own advice with Abbie?”

“Your advice and as soon as she lets me - you betcha.”

“Good - you both deserve to be happy too.”

************

“You’re sure about this, Elliot?  Maureen won’t mind babysitting Eli?”

“Nah... everything is all set up.”

“All right.  See you Saturday.”

************

“Alex?” Olivia called out as she knocked, opening the door and poking her head inside.

“In here, Liv.”

Olivia followed the sound of Alex’s voice, pausing to admire the deep rich burgundy walls and stark white trim of the first room before finding Alex in the back room.  In complete contrast, this room was a cool, neutral gray, though the white trim remained the same.  But what captured her attention was the sight of Alex Cabot bending over in those tight blue jeans.  Liv bit her lip and clasped the handle of the case she carried more tightly to keep from reaching out and touching as Casey’s words from earlier in the week ran through her mind.

Alex straightened and caught Olivia staring, smirking at the amount of time it took for Liv’s eyes to meet hers.  “See something you like, Detective?” looking over the rims of her glasses.  Olivia swallowed hard and nodded.  Alex sauntered closer until they were almost touching along their length but not quite.  “Really?  How much?”

Olivia set her case down without ever losing Alex’s gaze.  Straightening, she took the final step to close the distance between them, smiling when Alex sucked in a shaky breath even as her hands came to rest on Olivia’s hips.  Liv allowed her hands to trail up Alex’s sides, touching but not lingering until she reached Alex’s glasses.  With gentle hands she removed them, absently folding them into the collar of her shirt before bringing her hands back to Alex’s face.  Tenderly she traced the fine bones and soft skin, watching the blue eyes flutter closed when her touch reached Alex’s lips.  Olivia outlined them with the slightest touch, then gasped as Alex sucked her fingers into her mouth, laving them thoroughly.

“Alex.” Olivia’s whisper was as powerful as a shout, causing smoky blue eyes to open halfway.  Liv slid her fingers from the wet warmth of Alex’s mouth, replacing them with her lips.

The touch was slow at first... almost hesitant... as though neither could quite believe they had finally taken this step forward into the next stage of their relationship.  Eyes closed as arms wrapped more tightly around one another, tongues touching in tentative exploration.  Olivia cupped Alex’s face, sliding her hands into blonde hair and tilting her head to allow Liv to thoroughly explore Alex’s mouth.  Alex’s hands slid down towards Olivia’s ass, fists clenching as her tongue teased and played with Olivia’s in ways she had long dreamed of.  One moan followed another, and hands started to wander as the kiss increased in intensity.  Slowly, almost with regret, they began to pull away from each other to breathe.  Leaning their foreheads together, they kept their eyes closed, exchanging essence and air for a long moment before blue and brown eyes blinked open and met.

“Wow,” Olivia said, her lips creasing into a smile.

“Wow, indeed,” Alex agreed.  “I can’t believe it took us so long....”  But the rest of her words were cut off when Liv captured her lips again, plundering Alex’s mouth with abandon.  Alex flexed her hands against Liv’s bare skin, skimming the top of her ass and the small of her back and drawing a low groan from the back of Olivia’s throat.  Liv pulled back just enough to separate their lips.

“Casey was right.”

“Casey?”

“Uh huh.  God, Alex... you make me want so much.  But not here... and not now.  Given what it’s taken to get us here, I don’t want our first time together to be rutting on the bare floor like a couple animals.”

“Neither do I.  We deserve a little romance.”

“Well, there’s that, and there’s also the fact that we should have company just about....”  A knock finished her sentence.  Alex arched a questioning eyebrow in her direction.  Olivia shrugged.

“The guys wanted to do something to welcome you back so they decided to help you get this place ready for habitation before you had to go back to work... especially since you’re not exactly supposed to be doing a lot of this stuff yet.”  Another knock.  “Surprise?”

Alex held her eyes for another long moment before kissing her hard and fast.  Then she moved to answer the door before Elliot decided to knock it down.  She opened the door, then paused at the number of people waiting to enter her home.  Elliot stepped forward, hugging her briefly before entering, allowing those behind him to do the same.  Munch was next, followed by Fin, Cragen, Casey, Kathy, Jo and Blair.

“I guess you weren’t expecting us,” Blair said softly as she pulled back from her hug.

“No,” Alex said, shaking her head, “but it’s a nice surprise.”

“So, Counselor,” Munch broke in.  “How can we be of service?”

“Well, all the rooms upstairs still need painting.”

Munch clapped his hands.  “I assume the paint is there as well?”  Alex nodded.  “You heard the lady, ladies and gentlemen,” motioning the rest upstairs ahead of him.    Elliot paused by Alex before following the troupe.

“So where’s my partner?”

“She’s helping me.”

Elliot grinned and shook his head.  “That’d explain the shade of lipstick you’re wearing,” teasing and chuckling when she blushed.  “Honestly, we’re glad for you both, Alex.  It’s about damned time you were happy together.  Now let me get a move on before my better half comes looking for me.”  Then he headed upstairs, leaving her standing alone in the foyer.

Alex walked back to the room that would soon serve as her conservatory, only to find the double door locked against her.  She knocked.  “Olivia?” she called out.  “Liv?”

A moment passed, then she heard the sound of footsteps before the lock clicked free and Olivia opened the door the barest amount.  “Yes?”

“Can I come in?”

“Um... no?” Alex’s brows rose into her hairline.  “I’d like it to be a surprise.”

“All right,” Alex drawled slowly.  “Can I at least have my glasses back?” looking down at Olivia’s chest where they were still folded neatly in her shirt.

“Oh... um....”  But Alex had already reached for the glasses, her touch deliberately grazing the skin along Liv’s collarbones, dipping down beneath the t-shirt to skim along the top of her breasts.  Olivia sucked in a deep breath, never letting her eyes leave Alex’s.

Alex lifted the glasses from Olivia’s shirt and took a step away from the door.  “Back to work, Detective,” she commanded.  “I want to see this surprise.”

Liv stepped forward, wrapping her hands into Alex’s shirt and pulling until there was no space between them.  The kiss was hard and fast and thorough, and it took Alex several minutes to realize that Olivia was no longer kissing her and the door between them was closed.

“Damn what that woman does to me,” she muttered, putting on her glasses and running a shaky hand through her hair.  Then she turned to go check on her unexpected help.

************

“So, Counselor, can we expect this sort of spread for your housewarming party?” Munch asked much later that evening.  The group, with two notable exceptions, was sprawled in various lounging positions around the burgundy room surrounded by sub wrappers, pizza boxes and beer bottles.  Alex looked around carefully and raised an eyebrow.

“You don’t think I should spring for something a little more lavish... with a bar maybe?”

“Far be it from me to turn down free alcohol,” he said with a grin.  “Just tell me when and I’ll be here with bells on.”

“Your scrawny ass better show up with more than bells on or the entire NYPD won’t be able to find what’s left of your body.”  The entire room cracked up at Fin’s pronouncement.  Munch just smirked.

“You’re just jealous because you know the women would be tearing me apart for a shot at this lusciousness.”

“Keep it up, Partner.  I’m pretty sure they’re still pouring the concrete in the new stadium.  You could end up a permanent part of the construction.”

“Speaking of partners,” Elliot cut in before Fin and Munch could escalate any farther.  “Where’s mine?  And where’s Jo?” he asked, turning to look at Blair.

“She got a call about an hour into our painting,” Blair said.  “She called Olivia about an hour after that.”

Elliot frowned, wondering why Olivia hadn’t called him.  “Everything okay?”

Blair shook her head.  “I don’t think so, but Jo wouldn’t share and Olivia didn’t say.”

“Maybe we should break this up,” Elliot suggested.  “Go find out what’s going on,” with a significant look at his fellow detectives.

“Actually, we need to break this up and go home to our children,” Kathy broke in.  “I promised Maureen we wouldn’t be all night and it’s getting late.”

“I’ll check on Liv, Elliot,” Alex promised, “and make sure she’s all right.”

Everyone nodded their acceptance of her words.  Then they glanced at their watches, noting Kathy had been right and with muttered exclamations, clambered to their feet.  A few minutes spent cleaning up, and the room was as spotless as it had been when they’d entered the house hours before.  Alex took a few minutes to hug each of them and offer a few words of thanks as she saw them out the door.

Cragen, Fin and Munch were the first to leave, Fin grumbling about needing to give Munch a ride home as Cragen herded them out the door shaking his head.  Some things never changed.  Elliot and Kathy were next.

“Take care of her, Alex.”

“You know I will.  I’ll give you a call if it’s something....”

“Only if you need help - if it was really bad, she would have called for back-up.  I trust you, Alex.”

“Thanks, Elliot.  That means... so much.”  They took their leave and Casey was right behind them.

“I’m going down to DC late this week,” Alex commented to her.  “I have to see the doctor there and get my release to go back to work.  Would you like to ride down with me?”  Casey blinked, not expecting the invitation or the fluttering in her belly the idea evoked.  Alex noticed her expression and leaned forward.  “C’mon, Casey... time to sweep her off her feet.”

“You think she’s ready for that?”

“If you wait for her to be ready, you’re gonna be old and gray.  Time to grab the brass ring, Casey.  You wanted a life outside SVU.  This is your best opportunity.”

“Why do you care?”

The question caught Alex off-guard and she blinked in surprise.  “Because I finally understand what true happiness feels like, and I’d like to see you and Abbie find the same together.”

Casey leaned forward impulsively and kissed Alex’s cheek.  “That sounds wonderful.  Let me know the details and I’ll see what I can arrange.  Thanks, Alex.”  She stepped out the door, then popped her head back in.  “Let me know how Olivia is too, all right?”

“You got it.”  Then the door closed again and Alex turned to Blair who hugged her tightly.

“I’m going to go home and wait for Jo.  Call me when you know something.”

Alex nodded and pulled back to look Blair in the eyes.  “You’ll do the same?”

“Absolutely.  I think this one was rough.  Jo sounded shaken up when she called me.”

“Jo called you?”

“Right before she called Olivia... just to make sure someone knew that Olivia left.”

“I wonder why Liv didn’t let me know,” Alex mused aloud.

“I don’t think she paused once Jo called.  You know how focused they get when it comes to their work.”

“And everything else,” Alex added with a sly smile.  Blair chuckled.

“And everything else.  Are you still in the penthouse?”

“No, I moved to the Plaza Thursday. I signed the papers on the penthouse yesterday morning.”

Blair slapped at Alex’s shoulders.  “And when were you going to share this news?”

“When I saw everyone again.”  Blair’s eyebrow arched.  “I didn’t think about it when you showed up here earlier.  I was on a whole other wavelength, especially since I wasn’t expecting anyone to drop by.”

“Fair enough.  I want details but not now.  I need to get home.”

“Me too,” Alex agreed.  “I’m going to lock up here and see if I can reach Liv.”

“Let me know.”

“I will.  Be safe going home, Blair.”

As it happened, things worked a little differently. 

************

Alex closed the door behind Blair and flipped open her phone, hitting one on the speed dial and frowning when her call went straight to Olivia’s voicemail.  She took a minute to walk through the brownstone, admiring the work her friends had done before flipping off the lights in each room as she went.  She reached the bottom floor once more, hesitating in front of her music room, then shaking her head.  She’d promised Olivia she wouldn’t look and she intended to keep her word.

Slipping into her shoes, Alex reached for the final switch when a timid knock sounded at her front door.  She keyed the speaker.  “Yes?”

“Alex, it’s me.”  The voice was soft... defeated.

Without hesitation Alex opened the door and pulled Liv inside and into her embrace in one swift move.  They didn’t speak.  Instead Alex guided them to the stairs and just held on.  Olivia didn’t cry and she didn’t shake.  She sat perfectly still absorbing the warmth and love she felt emanating from Alex and surrounding her very soul.  After a while, Liv sat up.

“Thank you, Alex.”

“You want to talk about it?”

The dark head shook.  “Uh uh.  It was bad, and you shouldn’t....”  Hands cupping her face gently cut off her words, bringing brown up to meet blue.

“Don’t think of finishing that sentence, Detective.  Even if we were only just friends, I’d want you to share this burden with me, Liv.  I think we’ve passed that point already.  So let me listen - it’s the only way I can help you bear this burden.”

Olivia removed Alex’s hands from her face, but held them tightly in her hands.  “I’d like to Alex but not yet, please?  I need some space from it first.”

Alex studied the eyes that never faltered from her gaze and finally nodded.  “All right,” she agreed.  “Whenever you’re ready.”

“Thank you, Alex.  Can I...?”  She blew out a nervous breath, ruffling her bangs.   “Can I ask a favor?”

“Anything.

“Can I stay with you tonight... will you hold me?”

“All night long, Liv.”  Arm in arm they left the brownstone and headed to the Plaza.

************

Morning saw them curled up together in the middle of the big bed.  Alex was spooned behind Olivia, carefully cradling her in her arms.  She felt Liv start to stir and brushed a kiss over the juncture of her neck and shoulder, causing Olivia to hesitate briefly before finishing her stretch.

“Good morning,” Alex whispered into the ear near her lips.  She smiled when she felt Olivia shiver.

“Morning,” came the scratchy reply.  “This is nice.”  Liv shifted to lay on her back, looking up into bright blue eyes.  “I can’t remember the last time I slept so soundly... without nightmares.”

“We may have to make this a more permanent arrangement then.  You deserve to sleep without nightmares.”

“I could get used to it,” Olivia confessed.  She pulled Alex down for a kiss, relishing the passion that ran between them with the simple touch.  She moaned when the kiss deepened and Alex’s hands started tracing patterns on the bare skin under the shirt Alex had loaned her to sleep in the night before.  With a shudder, Olivia eased her lips from Alex’s, leaning their foreheads together.  “What are your plans for today?”

“I don’t have any.”  At Liv’s disbelieving expression, she continued.  “I was going to do some more work at the brownstone, but with my unexpected help yesterday, there’s not a lot left for me to do and I can’t arrange for the movers to come in before Tuesday now.  Did you want to work on the mural?”

Olivia shook her head.  “Not right now... wrong head space.  I need... I need to go check on the victim from the call yesterday.  She’s in bad shape, Alex.”

“Would you like me to go with you?”

“I’m not gonna say no.  But you need to be prepared.”  She took a deep breath.  “The homicide Jo got called in for yesterday - there was a live victim as well.  A victim someone had set fire to.”

Alex covered her mouth with her hand.  “Oh, Liv... that’s horrible.”

“It is.  Especially since the victim is a nine-year-old girl.”

“Oh, Liv.”

Alex took a quick shower and dressed, then they headed to Olivia’s place so she could do the same.  Then they headed to the hospital together.

************

“I wish...” Alex started to comment when they had been seated for lunch.  She exchanged glances with Olivia, clearly seeing the residual sadness she felt in her own heart after their visit to the hospital. “Surely, there is something we could do.”

“Some sort of foundation for survivors of violent crimes to help their recovery?  Maybe a camp for kids?  I’ll bet if you ask Blair, she’d be glad to help.  Between you, you could probably get some significant funding, and Abbie could probably fill in any contacts the two of you don’t already have.”

Alex blinked.  “You’ve been thinking about this.”

Olivia dropped her eyes to the table for a moment before raising them to meet Alex’s once more.  “Yeah.  When you mentioned it, it kinda got me to thinking.  Too many times, we fight for justice for the victim only to have the system forget about them once the trial is over.  More than once I’ve wished there was more I could do.”

“Liv, you already do so much.”

“But it rarely feels like it’s enough.”

“So you want to help me with this then?  Make this a joint effort?”

“Absolutely,” Olivia confirmed with a smile.  “It’d be nice to be able to help in a positive way.  Sometimes I don’t think getting justice does enough.”

“We do what we can, Liv.”

“I know.”

Their waitress interrupted them then, and they took a moment to order lunch.  “Hey,“ Alex said, changing the subject when the woman left. “I’ve got to go down to Washington later this week to get my work release from the doctor.  Would you like to go down with me?”

“I’d love to, but I’m on call again this weekend.”  She sighed.  “I think I’m paying for my month-long suspension.  The guys seem to think it was an unpaid vacation.  I’m not sure if they’re trying to pad my paycheck with the overtime or punishing me for being gone so long.”

“Maybe a little bit of both,” Alex contributed with a smile.

“Maybe,” Liv agreed with a smile of her own. 

“All right.  If something happens to change....”

“I know where to find you,” Olivia said with a wink, leaning back to accept the salad plate the server placed in front of her.  “I thought I might try to work on the mural while you’re gone.” She shrugged.  “Depends on how things work out.”

“Is that your subtle way of asking for a key to my home?”

“Did it work?”

“Well, since you’ll need one to get in....”

“I’ll return it when you get back.”

“I’d appreciate it if you kept it.  I know we’re not ready for the commitment of living together yet, but I’d feel better if you held onto it.  You know... in case I lock myself out or something.”

“No other reason?” Liv asked boldly, her eyes holding Alex’s.

“Well, it would be nice to have a detective at my beck and call whenever I <ahem> had need of one.”

“I see,” Olivia drawled.  “Isn’t that a misappropriation of a public servant?”

“Depends on what I’m appropriating that servant for, doesn’t it, Detective?”

Olivia cleared her throat. “I guess it does, Counselor.”

************

A call to her cell phone had pulled Olivia away from Alex before they’d finished their lunch and Alex was preparing to leave for Washington before they were able to touch bases again... though not for lack of trying.  They had played phone tag for three days and it was only because Olivia persuaded Fin to swing two blocks out of their way that Olivia was able to catch Alex before she left.

“You got it bad, Liv,” he teased gently as he pulled up to the brownstone.  He smiled.  “It looks good on you.”

Liv ducked her head.  “I’m enjoying it,” she confessed shyly.  “It’s....”  She trailed off, not really comfortable sharing that much personal information.  Fin nodded his understanding.

“Take your time.  I’ll call us off for lunch.  Gimme a ring when you’re ready.”  She nodded and climbed from the sedan.  Fin watched her mount the steps before moving a little further down the block and heading into the corner deli for coffee and sandwiches - might as well make sure they got some lunch.

Liv paused at the door, hesitating for a long moment before pulling out her key ring and unlocking the door.  Then she stepped inside and closed the door silently behind her.

The place looked like a disaster area.  There was furniture, which was a definite improvement even if it was still wrapped in bubble wrap and paper.  And there were boxes... lots of boxes, each neatly labeled.  Obviously the movers had done their part and left Alex to do the unpacking at her pace.

Olivia stood still, listening for sounds to show she hadn’t missed getting to say goodbye to Alex before she left.  The creak of wood indicated that Alex was upstairs somewhere and Liv headed off in search of her.

The second and third floors were empty - not unexpected given that Alex’s room took up the entire fourth level.  Olivia raised her hand to knock against the bedroom door, then froze as she took in the tableau in front of her.

Alex’s bags stood neatly packed beside the mussed bed and she was dressed - at least partly - in those damnably tight jeans that made Olivia’s mouth water just at the sight.  Currently, she was bent over looking under the bed, completely oblivious of Olivia’s presence in her home.  Without her conscious permission, Liv’s feet crossed the room, her focus on those jeans and the woman in them.  Alex shivered in sudden awareness, turning just as Olivia reached her.

She didn’t get a chance to say a word, but her parted lips gave Liv the perfect opportunity to capture her mouth in a breath-stealing, passionate kiss.  Alex didn’t question, just surrendered herself to the intensity of feeling Olivia stirred in her.  She moaned when Olivia’s hands slid down to cup her ass and tangled her hands tighter in the short, dark locks she held, her tongue dueling fiercely in response.  Alex felt the bed hit the back of her knees and she sank into it, pulling Olivia down on top of her.  For long moments the kiss continued, hands wandering indiscriminately over clothes and then against skin.  Only when Alex felt Liv’s hands ghosting over her breasts did she pull back slightly, breathing heavily until that breathing hitched when Olivia moved her attentions to Alex’s neck.

“God, Liv,” Alex whispered, the words drawing Olivia’s head up just enough for their eyes to meet.

“Hi, Beautiful,” Liv replied, brown eyes darkened to black in passion raking over kiss-bruised lips and the flushed skin of Alex Cabot’s fair features.  She leaned down again, claiming those full lips again, but this time with a gentle reverence that caused Alex to shake.  Liv released her reluctantly, then with concern when she saw the tears.  “Alex?”

Blue eyes remained wet, but her smile was blinding.  “No one has ever made me feel like you do.”  Olivia grinned.

“Ditto, Baby,” shifting to one side of Alex’s body and propping her head on her hand.  She tangled her free hand with Alex’s.  “You all right?”

“I’m wonderful, thanks.  But what are you doing here?  Not that I’m complaining,” she added with a smile.

Liv shrugged and let her eyes drop to the sliver of bedding caught between their bodies.  “I just needed to see you before you left.”

Alex eased her hand from Olivia’s grip, placing that hand on her hip before cupping Liv’s cheek.  “I’m glad you did.  I’ve missed you, Detective.  At least next week I might be able to see you at work occasionally... especially if you come over to Hogan Place for a warrant.”

“So you’re going back to the DA’s office?” mentioning one of the things she and Alex hadn’t had time to talk about when their weekend was cut short.

“Yes... for a while anyway.  Arthur was right - I’m doing good there... making a difference.  It’s just... it’s not where my heart is now and Arthur knows it.  I told him I would at least stay long enough to see this group of interns settled into whatever departments they end up being assigned to permanently.  We’ll see where we stand after that.”

Olivia nodded, then glanced at her watch.  “Damn!  I’ve got to get going,” she said regretfully, ignoring the tingles Alex’s thumb tracing her bottom lip were causing to cascade up and down her spine.  “Fin’s waiting.”

Alex tugged gently and Liv followed her silent plea, covering Alex’s mouth with her lips again and tracing Alex’s lips with her tongue.  She swallowed a moan, not certain if it belonged to her or Alex.  After a long moment, Olivia pulled back, gazing into Alex’s eyes.

“You’re not making this easy, Counselor.”

Alex smiled.  “Good.  I never want it to be easy for us to be apart.  One more for the road?”  Olivia didn’t have to be asked twice and claimed Alex’s lips once more.  Reluctantly, they separated and leaned their foreheads together, breathing the same air.  Finally, Liv slid back.

“I really need to go.”

“And I really need to find my other boot so I can get out of here.  Help me look?”

Liv nodded and rose from the bed, extending her hand to Alex who slid from the mattress and immediately knelt to look under the bed.  Liv stepped back and crossed her arms over her chest, smirking as she admired the way Alex’s blue jeans hugged her ass.  It took a minute for Alex to realize Olivia wasn’t helping, but was instead leering at her.  She turned her head and pushed her hair behind an ear before arching an eyebrow in question.  “See something you like, Detective?”

“Um hmm,” Olivia answered, kneeling behind Alex leaving only the barest space between them.  She licked her lips before reaching out and caressing the surprisingly soft material, smiling at the involuntary shudder her touch produced.  Alex closed her eyes and blew out a ragged breath before speaking.

“Liv, unless you want to call Fin and explain to him why you need to take the rest of the day off, you’re going to have to stop touching me like that.  Otherwise I won’t be responsible for what happens.”

“Promise?” Olivia breathed.  She wrapped her arms around Alex’s middle and urged her back until they were melded together.  Alex covered Olivia’s arms, turning the experience into an intimate embrace.

“Guarantee,” Alex said smiling back into Liv’s eyes.  Liv kissed her forehead.

“You’re making it very tempting.”  They held one another’s gaze for a long moment before Olivia sighed and loosened her grip.  “C’mon... before I decide not to let you go.”

“I hope you never decide to let me go, Liv,” Alex said softly.  Olivia swallowed hard.

“Not again,” Liv breathed.  “I did once and spent years regretting it.  I don’t plan to regret anymore.”

“Go out with me,” Alex asked impulsively.  Olivia blinked rapidly at the unexpected change of subject and Alex smiled in response.  “When I get back from DC, I would like to take you out.”

“Like on a date?”

“No... not like a date - really a date.  You know... dinner, maybe dancing or a movie or a ride in Central Park....”  She stopped speaking when Olivia covered her mouth.

“I get it, Alex,” Liv assured her with a chuckle.  “I’d love to go out with you.”  She slipped her arms from Alex and stood, offering her a hand up.  Then she seated Alex on the bed and pulled the wayward boot from underneath the end of the bed.

“How did you...?”

“It was poking me in the ass,” Olivia replied dryly.  Alex snickered but allowed Liv to slide the boot onto her foot.  “There you go, Cinderella.”

“Thank you, Princess Charming.”  Alex glanced at her watch.  “Damn!  I’ve got to get going.”  She looked at the unmade bed and shrugged, then turned and picked up her bags.  “Walk me to the door?”

Liv didn’t answer verbally; she simply took the bag from Alex’s hand and motioned her forward.  A quick phone call to Fin and he met them at the door as they emerged from the brownstone.

“Taxi, ladies?”  When Alex’s brows shot into her forehead, Fin chuckled, motioning to the cab parked just behind the unmarked sedan.  He took the bag from Liv’s hand and headed down the stairs.  He deposited her luggage with the driver then walked back to the cruiser to wait for Olivia.

Liv walked Alex to the cab.  “Call me when you get there?”

Alex nodded and leaned forward, brushing her lips against Olivia’s.  “Absolutely.  Try to stay out of trouble while I’m gone, Detective.”

“You too, Counselor.”

Alex climbed into the taxi and Olivia watched her go until she was down the road and out of sight.  Then she got into the car with Fin, giving him a nod as they went back on the clock.

************

“Wow,” Abbie commented as she opened the door wider to let Alex into her home.  “You look great, Cabot.  Love certainly does become you.”  She smiled when Alex ducked her head, unable to stop the blush from blossoming over her face.  “C’mon,” tucking her hand into Alex’s elbow and ushering her inside.  “You’ve got time to unpack and make yourself comfortable before we need to leave for the hospital.”

Alex turned to Abbie with the question clearly writ on her face.  “Where’s your mom?”

Abbie shrugged sheepishly.  “She had to go home.  Apparently without her hand on the wheel, the ranch runs off the rails.  The foreman called Sunday and asked her to come back.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” Alex said as she entered Abbie’s guest room.  “I was looking forward to actually getting a chance to talk to her.”

“So was I,” Abbie agreed wryly.  “Watching you two together I mean.”

“Well, I still owe her a get together with the girls so maybe you’ll get your entertainment then.”

“Somehow I don’t think Mama will be quite as outspoken when the indubitable Detective Benson is around to protect your ass.”

“Given what I’ve been told, I can’t see your mama backing off for anyone - not even my detective.”

“Gee, Cabot - possessive much?  My mama is not a stupid woman.  If your friends will stand up to her for you, what’s your best girl gonna do?  Mama may like a good fight, but she’s never been one to poke a bear with a stick unless she knows what the outcome’s going to be.”

“And you think she’d take me on without Liv watching my back?”

“In a heartbeat.  Where do you think I learned my debating skills?  Now that she knows the truth about you and me, she sees you as a new challenge to conquer.”

“Shouldn’t that be Casey’s privilege?”

Abbie snorted.  “She’s already won my mama over.”

“And you?”

Abbie shrugged and glanced at the floor.  “Maybe.  We’ve been talking....”

“And...?”

“And, I dunno, Alex.  I like her.  She’s a good person - great listener, funny, warm, patient as the day is long, she argues like nobody’s business....”

“And it doesn’t hurt that she’s a looker.”  Alex cut her eyes at Abbie and then smirked at the protective stance Abbie had assumed.  “C’mon, Carmichael.  I’m taken... not blind.  Besides, you don’t get to play the part of the jealous lover until you make a commitment to her.”  Abbie’s shoulders sagged at Alex’s words.  Alex set her empty bag aside.  She put an arm around Abbie and seated them both on the bed.  “Talk to me, Abbie.”

Abbie leaned her head on Alex’s shoulder.  “She makes me nervous, Alex.”  Alex didn’t answer but Abbie felt the smile cross Alex’s countenance before her lips brushed Abbie’s temple.

“Why?”

The silence went on so long Alex started to wonder if Abbie had fallen asleep against her shoulder.  Then she felt Abbie take a deep breath against her.  “She makes me feel, Alex.  She makes me want to feel again.”

“That’s a good thing, Abbie.  It’s time you found more than contentment; it’s time you found happiness.”

Abbie sighed.  “Contentment is easier.”

Alex leaned over to whisper in Abbie’s ear.  “But happiness is worth the risk.” She cupped Abbie’s chin and drew her face up until their eyes met.  “Trust me, Abbie.  I’ve been where you are.  The difference is my situation was my fault; yours isn’t.  Give her a chance.”

“You’re not going to let this go, are you?”

“Nope,” Alex replied with a grin.  Abbie huffed.

“Fine.  Next time I’m in New York....” trailing off when Alex shook her head no.  “What?”

“She’s here.  We flew down together.”

“But....” Abbie sputtered.

“Time to piss or get off the pot, Carmichael,” Alex invited with a smirk.

“I hate you,” Abbie grumbled.

“Remind me of that after you’ve talked to Casey.”

“It’ll have to wait.  We have appointments to get to, and I don’t know about you, but I’m ready to be out from under all these restrictions... to the point of being excited about going back to work.”

“Me too,” Alex confessed.  “Despite everything.”

Abbie cocked her head.  “We’ll talk later?”

“Absolutely.”

Part 4